I stare around the empty house, running through every single room I can just to give myself some false hope that she is still here. I know she isn't. Her bag is gone. And her phone is off.
I ran back here the moment I saw the news. This is exactly why I hate the media and keep her away from it. I didn't kiss that woman. And she didn't kiss me. I was giving a fucking interview, she called me to say something and when I turned around she was just there. It was an accident.
None of us meant for that to happen and the second our lips brushed we both jumped away. But I have such good fate that nobody posted that goddamn video that could prove me innocent. All they posted was the accidental kiss with a hypothetical story about how in love that girl and I are in.
All because it sells.
I move around the house again, this time dialing Naina aunty in hopes that atleast she picks up but that call goes unanswered too. I almost throw away the thing nearest to me before I realize that it's a jar full of cookies.
I stare at the parchment that flutters below it, picking it up with shaking hands. Did she write it? That she is leaving me? Would a single misunderstanding drift us so far away? I open the folded sheets, the creases, fluttering as I do.
Dear Ansh,
You....are the best thing that ever happened to me. I haven't watched your film yet but I am sure it's great. Because you are great. I know your work makes you happy and I know you're worried that you'll lose me if you go back to it. You won't. You will never lose me. I want you Ansh, but I don't want to pull you away from your work. You love your job and I- well I love you. I never said it before, because I was scared. I was scared as a teenager to tell you how strongly I felt for you, and then I just didn't think I'll ever have you.
But I do have you now and I am not scared. You are perfect and I know you'll never hurt me. I just wanted to say that I love you and I am proud of you and so I baked you your favorite cookies.
With love,
Your girlfriend <3
I read it again and again and again. She knew I'll never hurt her. And then I did. Even if it was unintentional, I did hurt her.
I drive around the empty roads, cutting through winds until I reach the Kapoor mansion. I do not care if Advait decides to break my face as well. It's today I understand what Dev felt. I run up the steps and it's Trisha and Advait waiting for me there.
"I could hear your car screeching from a mile away Ansh. It's really late, you should go back." She leans against the door as she speaks. She doesn't look hostile, she simply looks over everything around and then sighs.
"I need to talk to her Trisha. I don't care how late it is."
"I suggest against it Ansh."
"Listen Advait, that's my girlfriend in there. And she is upset. So you can hit me or whatever, but you cannot stop me." Advait rolls his eyes at me.
"I am not hitting you, or anyone for that matter. My attempts at being a protective brother are futile and I'm eventually termed the villain."
"Dramatic." Trisha mutters and Advait throws her a glare. I don't have time for this shit. I push past the two of them, through the empty halls of the mansion. It's truly very late but I am aware that Samiksha isn't asleep. I knock on her door and hear a sniff. She is right against it.
"Yeah?"
"Samiksha it's me. Please open the door, I need to talk to you. What you saw wasn't-"
"What I saw was enough for today. You want to explain yourself? You can do that some other day. Leave me alone Ansh." Her voice is a harsh rasp making me believe that she has been crying for a while now.
I put my hand against the glass watching her silhouette move closer. She leans her head against it and so do I.
"I didn't betray you squirrel. Just know that I would never do it. I can not even in my wildest dreams think of hurting you."
"I-I don't have an answer for you. It really hurt to see that. And especially after seeing all those articles-"
"Not every article is the truth baby-"
"They said she was your ex girlfriend."
Fucking media and their audacity to scoop into people's lives. "Tell me Ansh, were they lying about it too?" I sigh.
"No. She is my ex girlfriend, but that's all Samiksha, she is an ex. Our relationship ended more than a decade ago, we weren't even famous back then. I have no interest in her and what you saw today, it was an accident. I didn't kiss her, we turned at the same time and our mouths just brushed. We both pulled away. I swear-"
"I don't want to talk about it right now. Give me a day Ansh just some time. I need it."
"And I need you Samiksha! I need you more than anyone else."
"Why are you so persistent about it?"
"Because I am me and you are you but that doesn't matter. I want it to be us. It's us against the world Samiksha, not each other."
"ENOUGH!"
I hear her yelp from the other side of the door and I turn on my right to see her father glare. "Get out of here Ansh. You've done enough."
"I haven't done anything Sahil uncle. I am not leaving until she talks to me and forgives me-"
He starts to walk in my direction, his stance screams attack but I stand rooted on my spot. I'll take whatever he gives me. His brother stops him. "Sahil don't do anything stupid-"
"You don't understand Sagar. It's my daughter that is hurt and-"
"Do you think I love Samiksha any less? She is as much my child as yours but this is not the time!" Sagar uncle turns to me. "Ansh, please leave. This is not the time or the place. Leave."
I don't want to but it's true that I can't get anything here. I give one last look to the locked door and I turn to walk down the stairs. I move past Trisha once again only to face Yuvaan. "What are you doing here?" He sighs.
"I brought her here half an hour ago." Of course he did. He is everybody's savior apparently. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and and pulls me out of the mansion. It's then that I notice Dev leaning against his car. Yuvaan does too and then rolls his eyes in exasperation.
"I am literally collecting heartbroken men like Pokémons.
💋
I watch Yuvaan drag Ansh away to his car and drive past me. I saw the pictures and I am sure Samiksha is heartbroken. I also know Ansh, and I know all this is a big misunderstanding. That doesn't mean Samiksha doesn't need time to get over her hurt.
It would be easy to just talk it out and get everything over with, but in the little interaction I've had with her, she is sensitive. She needs time to heal, to steel her spine before sitting down and having a chat with Ansh. I just hope it doesn't take her alot of time. Not as much as I've had to face atleast.
It's been a month in the house without Isha and everyday it seems to suffocate me a bit more. I rarely go there anymore. I stay in my office all day and I stay here, outside of her mansion all night. Sleep was never a problem, I barely slept anyway.
I throw my head back and stare up at the sky. There is nothing in it. It's a no moon and the pollution is so high that you almost never get to see any stars. It's dark, without any light, just like my life. I have no light left in it either.
"You should stop standing here." I straighten up and stare at my wife who leans against the metal gate of her mansion. Isha has a thin shawl wrapped around her shoulders that she clutches tighter as she walks closer, still far enough for me to sulk.
"Look at yourself, it's like you stopped eating because nobody is feeding you now." I smile at her, it maybe a little sad and bitter but I've missed her voice.
"Isha I am willing to do anything. Anything that you want but please, please forgive me. I don't have anything that I could say that would justify what I did. But I am not lying anymore. I truly love you. I love you more than anything in my life and I am sorry for lying to you but I am not sorry for marrying you. You gave me so much Isha."
I watch as her eyes water and she looks away, keeping her tears at bay. "You tell me one thing Dev, if our marriage didn't come out like this, if my brother hadn't deciphered everything, would you have hid this from me forever? Would you have lied to me for all our lives?"
The lie burns on my tongue. Anything to have her back but I am past it. I am past keeping her in the dark, she deserves the truth now. "Yes. I would've kept it a secret for forever. Because I know that no matter who told you the truth Isha, you would've left me. And I couldn't take that."
She nods with a bitter smile and turns away to leave. "Isha no. Please. Listen to me, I am past it all, I just want you-"
"You lied! You lied Dev and you would've kept lying until someone caught you!"
"To have you! I would lie a million times, I would do every wrong, every wicked, every selfish thing to have you. I would do it again and again. And I would do it without remorse Isha."
She stands stunned for a minute before shaking her head. "I don't know how to trust you anymore. Everything you say to me seems like a lie."
"It's not. I know everything I am saying seems contradictory but I am past lying to you. I only ever want what is best for you and I know that I can give it to you. I will give you everything you ask for and beyond."
She sighs and it looks painful. She raises her hand as if to reach me but it stops midway. Her eyes burn in pain and agony before she turns around and leaves. I couldn't stop her. Not the last time and not this time. I wonder if there is ever a time where she and I will be together with no one in the the dark or in pain.
I bang my fist against my car, numbing the pain in my heart with the one on my hand when the phone rings. I frown at the unknown number. It's three in the fucking morning.
I pick it up and raise it to my ear. "Hello?"
"H-i- De-v." I hear the gasps and I hear the whimpers. "Who is this?"
"I- am sorr-y m-y baby. My sw-eet inn-oc-ent baby. I fai-led you. Ev-eryone fa-iled you. If you ev-er fin-d it in y-our hea-rt to fo-rgive me, just kno-w th-at I lo-ve you. I wi-ll alw-ays lov-e y-ou. A-nd I am re-ally ver-y sor-ry."
What the-
"What are you saying-" I hear the clutters and I hear some shouts. The next voice I hear is unknown and bare of any emotions.
"Sir. There has been an accident."
💋
A new day, new morning and a day closer to election. It's still nearly six months away but the workload is high and my husband is stressed. Everything that happens at home, especially between Isha and Dev and now Samiksha and Ansh just adds up to the stress he carries around.
I hold the bag of Lebanese food in one hand and raise the other one to knock. Unlike my one time before, I don't simply barge in. Being with him has sort of civilized me a little.
"We are busy, come later!"
Oh, I'll break your fucking neck. I hate his manager with every fiber of my being and I don't understand why she would answer when this is obviously his office. I twist the doorknob anyway and step in.
"I told you we are busy-" she turns to me in exasperation until her words die down.
"I can see how busy you are." Advait looks at me with a frown while his manager grinds her teeth. She still hasn't moved away. Nope. She is stuck to my man like a fucking parasite.
"What is happening here?"
"Nothing-" Advait cuts her off.
"She accidentally spilled coffee on my clothes." Yes I see it. I also see the tissue she has pressed to his chest in pretense of cleaning it, as if that will magically clean it.
I walk upto them, drop the food bag on his desk and give his manager my most fake smile. It's so plastic you could pull it off my face and I make sure she understands that. Then I pluck the tissue out of her hand and throw it in the trash can.
I pluck a few more from a nearby box and step in between the two of them to do the useless task she was doing before. It doesn't help his clothes one bit, which means that she was only doing this to get close to him.
"I'll go make a phone call." She turns around and leaves while I continue with the absolutely useless dabbing his chest with the tissue.
"It's not doing anything Firdaus, you can stop."
"And did you not understand that while she was doing it?" He stares at me, startled at my outburst before he sighs. "Are you competing with my fucking manager?"
"I am your goddamn wife, I have no competition with those peasants."
"Rude but fair. So if you know this, why are you jealous?"
"I am not jealous Advait. I am angry. I told you to stay away from her."
"And I do stay away. I keep her away from me but she is my campaign manager. I have to interact with her at times. She is good at her job Firdaus, and I cannot fire her because my wife doesn't like her. That's not a reason."
I throw the fucking tissue away and grab his face. I cup his cheeks with both my hands and make him look at me.
"You are a fool."
"Excuse m-"
"You don't see it. She did this on purpose. She is trying to get close to you and you keep falling into her trap. She is trying to pull you away from me, open your eyes and fucking see it Advait!"
"Fine. Fine." He cups my face, but alot more gently and with alot more patience. "She can try all she wants Firdaus, I am not interested, I barely pay mind to her when she isn't talking about work.
I've said this before and I say it again, I will never leave you. Never. Not for her or for anybody else. Nobody can take me away from you. Okay? Stop panicking. I am not going anywhere. And I am not so stupid to leave a woman like you to go to anybody else. Because let's face it, whoever made you, took his sweet time."
"Yes because they were making me for you."
He frowns at me. "That was cute. Are you high?"
"Fuck off." He smiles before looking at the bag of food and smiling again. "I have some spare clothes here. I'll change and come back."
"Why do you have clothes here?"
"Well, before I got married to you I was a bit of a workaholic."
"Yes, that continued way after you married me."
"Yes, well, I often stayed back here, so I kept spare clothes." He drops a sloppy and very noisy yet adorable kiss to my cheek before walking away. I turn around and catch his assistant in the doorway.
"You think I am trying to take Advait away from you?" So she was eavesdropping. Classic. "None of your business."
I walk upto her, to shut the door for the little break I will spend with my husband when she stops me from doing so. "Is that why he has started to question everything I say and has pushed me to an arms length? Because his wife told him to?"
I consider her with cold amusement. "He thinks highly of you. You are his manager, his senior. And so he fails to see what you truly are." Her expression changes. I could've agreed that I might've been wrong before but her expression now just proves me right. She wants him.
"And does he know what you are Firdaus? You're an entitled politicians daughter who thinks everyone is below her." I don't think everyone is below me but she better be. I haven't stooped to her level of trying to steal other people's husband.
"Still better that you."
She scoffs at me. "You don't even know what my name is."
"That's because I don't care for it. You can be whoever but you are nothing to me. And honestly you shouldn't be anything to him either with that attitude of yours. I know a snake when I see one. So don't hiss too loud here. Because there is a very certain thing that I do to snakes like you. The ones I don't like." I lean forward to match her height and and smile.
"Kill them and turn them into boots."
💋
Everyone's life is so fucked up there is barely time to focus on mine. My life which is fucking finally back on track. I twist the keys and push open the door.
My own penthouse seems like hell now. I am either at Yuvaan's house or in the Kapoor mansion, much to my mother's joy. I walk into the living room and find Yuvaan on the couch. A laptop on his lap and glasses on his nose. He looks up at me and smiles. It's so normal and domestic it makes me all giddy sometimes.
I drop my bag on the table, pluck his laptop away to drop it on the couch beside him and then I drop myself onto his lap. His amusement shines at the gesture before I grab his face and kiss him.
"You're being cute."
"So?"
"It's weird." I scowl at him.
"You're weird." He smiles again and my eyes shift to his laptop screen. He shuts it and I frown. "What?"
"Nothing." I barely got to see anything but it looked like work. "Are you looking for a job?" Yuvaan scoffs. "No."
"Then?"
"Well, I have alot of money-" yes, something he likes to mention at every given chance, "so I invest it."
"In stock market?" He shrugs. Well that seems like a good use of all the billions he has in his pocket. But I also see what he doesn't show. Yuvaan is not a person who can sit at home and just work from his laptop. He loved his office and he loved the opportunity that was snatched out of his hands. And it was my fault.
I met the new CEO of the Rathore Empire. Even animals have more of a backbone than him, which is contradictory since he is so full of himself. But he dances on the instructions the investors give him. The only good thing left there is the fact that Lakshay uncle is still the chairman and still has the most power.
"You know Yuvaan when I asked your mother to teach me to play the piano, she asked me to repay her." His brows go down in a frown. "She asked me to keep you happy."
His frown melts and his hands trace up my back. "I am happy peach. I have you, I am more than happy." Doesn't seem like it but I don't push it. I know if I do it'll just make him upset somehow. I get up from his lap and he straightens too. "Let's go. You must be hungry."
We walk to his kitchen and I realize it's the first time I am here. He opens the fridge and frown when he finds nothing. It definitely has raw materials but none of us are good cooks. He shuts the door and opens the shelf beside it before smiling and and pulling two packets of what looks like Ramen. "Is that Korean?"
He turns around to me. "Good guess." He drops the packets on the counter and puts a pan full of water on the stove.
"Get ready. You're about to have the best meal of your entire life." He drops the noodles into the water and turns to me with a grin.
"I mean, it's not much work. They are instant Ramen, just boil the noodles, add whatever stuff is in there and then it's done." I shrug and he points his chopsticks at me.
"You foolish little girl. It's the technique that matters. Now stop complaining and sit down." I sit on the counter after having inspected it properly. It seemed clean. He goes back to making the food. I grimace when he drops the taste maker packet on the floor after having used it before he picks it up and throws it in the bin.
He walks closer to kiss my cheek. "Your OCPD is so easy to piss off."
"Fuck you."
"Please do." I shake my head and he brings a bowl in my face. There is cheese and spring onions on top. "There you go."
"Thank you." We sit on the dining table and eat in silence. It is actually good. Maybe there is a technique, or I just haven't eaten it before and now I think it's good because my boyfriend made it.
We keep our dishes in the sink when his phone rings. "It's ma. I'll be back." I nod and he leaves to talk. I don't hear his voice after it for a while, like it was a one sided conversation.
I remember his mother, especially when she taught me. She is an intimidating woman, especially when she is dealing with someone who hurt her son so much.
My fingers adapt to the new task. The keys work under them, playing a melody, nowhere near what it is supposed to but it doesn't sound as horrible as it did the first few days.
My teacher is strict. Very strict. She doesn't like her precious music tainted and I can see it. She sits close by, scrutinizing me more than my music until her glare cools down and she softly sighs.
I turn to her with hope. "Did I play this one correct?" She shakes her head, "not at all. But that is not why I test you so much."
I frown at her. "I wanted to know what my son saw in you. Besides the obvious beauty. He has wanted you for more than half of his life and I just wanted to know why. You hurt him Trisha and as a mother I am biased. I love him more than I'll ever love anyone else, he is my only child.
But my husband always differed. He said you're good for our son and I never understood why."
"I- I am not good for him. I know that, but I am-"
"No. That's not my point. You are good for him. You are here afterall. From the day you came here I've tried everything to break you, I've criticized you, rightfully so, your music is well, let's not get into that. But you're still here, fighting for him, for your relationship.
I'll teach you Trisha, I'll teach you how to play but I want you to learn one more thing. Your self respect is worth more than any man in the world. Even my son. I know you've hurt him but I see he hurts you too. Stop blaming yourself for everything.
You not loving him at first is not your fault. It never was, it never will be. So get out of that guilt and then play. It'll be magic then."
She was right. I did play well after that. The only thing I like is that I have her support. I hear footsteps behind and turn to him with a smile which dims lightly. "What happened?"
"I have to go."
💋
"Then the dragon burned the palace but the prince was smart. He saved everyone and then ran away with the princess-" I turn to my left and find Darsh all snuggled up in his blanket. His mouth slightly open and his eyes shut. This happens everytime I read him a story.
Maybe I am not that interesting of a storyteller. Because he stays up until the end of the story with Shaira. Or maybe he is just always tired because I always play with him, run around the room with him before reading him a story. I put the book away, put some pillows around to shield his fall and switch the lights off.
I kiss his forehead and he smiles in his sleep. "Good night kiddo." I walk into our room, right beside his and find Shaira working. I fall on the bed beside her. She brings one hand to my hair, the other still typing on her laptop. "What are you working on so late?"
"I am trying to sell a house and I am just looking for a good buyer." I frown at her but she doesn't see it. Her eyes are fixed on the screen. She sold the house Darsh and her lived in a little after our wedding.
"How many properties do you own? I thought you already sold your house."
"I did baby. This is my Delhi apartment."
Sometimes I want to bang my head on a wall. And even though I love Shaira, sometimes I want to bang her head as well. Not in the wrong way but just to make sure her brain starts functioning properly again. "And why are you selling that house?"
It's her and Adarsh's house. It was their home. The place they made memories in. There is no reason to sell it now.
"There is no point in holding onto it. I never sold it for one reason Kunal. Because I thought I'll always be alone. I left that house as quickly as I could because it suffocated me. Sure that house has memories but I was mostly alone there. And then it reminds me of the pain. Of when they brought him back bleeding and gone. There is nothing good in that house that I want to hold on to.
Adarsh maybe gone, but a house doesn't keep us connected. His memories are ingrained in my head, on my heart, I don't need bricks and mortar to remind me of him. I have a future now Kunal. I don't have to live in the past anymore."
I've never met Adarsh, something I truly regret. Everyone talks so highly of him, Yuvaan, Dev, Shaira, their parents. Everyone. He set some big shoes for me to fill in. And I can't help but be worried if I'll ever be able to fill them in.
"Do you ever close your eyes and see him?" She finally turns away from her laptop to look at me with a frown. "What?"
"Do you ever sleep and think he is beside you? Do you ever walk and think he is the one holding your hand?" So wrong. It's so fucking wrong of me to ask that. To compete with a dead man. It was never a competition. And I don't want to win. I never want to erase Adarsh from anyone's heart. I just want a tiny little corner for myself.
"No." She whispers. She shuts her laptop and puts it away before laying down beside me. She turns on her side, facing me and her hand comes up to cup my cheek. "No I don't see him. I saw him when he held my hand. I saw him when he slept beside me. I saw him when he kissed me but now? Now it has changed.
I see you when you hold my hand. I see you when I wake up. I see you when you pull me into your chest while you're asleep. I saw him when he was mine, and I see you, now that you are.
Stop doubting yourself Kunal. You never have to worry about me thinking any less of you over all the good Adarsh did. What you do for me and Darsh is more than I could ever expect. You're the father our son deserves and you're the husband I've waited for. I love Adarsh but that doesn't make you any less."
I smile at her when she caresses my cheek some more. "Now, I wanted to let you know, Darsh has a competition coming soon. It's his sports day and he is participating. Be there on time, he wants to show you off some more." I chuckle a bit before nodding. Shaira's phone rings and she smiles at it.
"Hi mumma." Her smile drops fast and she sits up soon after. I follow behind, watching as her shoulders tense and her eyes mist. "Okay." She cuts the call and I rub her back. "What happened baby?" She turns to me with saddened eyes and a wobbling lip.
"Dev's parents are dead."
💋
Word Count- 5,055
Next Update- Tuesday, 17th October