July 21st 2023, Italy
Harry
Here we are. Tomorrow Love On Tour will be over. It's strange when you think about it. Love On Tour has been a part of my life for so long, almost two years is not nothing. After the birth of the twins, I wasn't so sure about touring for my new album but I felt like I couldn't not do it. Touring had always been my favorite part of the job, if well managed, and I wanted this.
So in the end, I did the tour. Violet and the twins came for some shows in the US, and followed the whole European tours. Aimée and Grace are my biggest fans, always cheering me on and dancing. Their mom always dressed them up in sparkly clothes, with fun sunglasses and a crazy hair style. They were always overexcited to dance, even if they knew the show better than anyone. My own little fan club composed of my three girls. Violet was always there for me, for us. She helped with setlist choices, outfit choices, pictures choices... She knows me better than anyone on this tour which made it easier for her to help with decisions.
Touring the world is not easy when you have a family. Especially when they're not following, because you feel like you're leaving them behind. I know the feeling all too well, of a never ending tour, never seeing your family, always singing, writing, recording. I've promised myself that I'd never do it again. But here I am, sitting in front of a piano, a day away from my last show thinking about what the past one and a half year has been like.
I feel arms wrap around my bare torso, long hair tickling my nose. I feel my anxiety slip away, relaxing in the warm embrace. "You're very quiet. What are you thinking about?" Violet kisses me, the strawberry smell of her chapstick lingering on my lips. She sits next to me, putting the baby phone down on the piano.
"Just thinking about the tour. It's crazy that tomorrow will be the last time." I try to smile, but I can't put myself to it so it feels fake. She notices it, I know she does, but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she sits down next to me and cups my face in her hands.
"It's not the last forever." She gives me a small smile while she brushes away one of my curls that fell in front of my eyes. I nod at her, "I know. But it won't be the same."
She drops her hands from my face and takes my hand in hers, still smiling. "No. It won't. It'll be different, of course, but the fans, they'll be the same. You've said so yourself that they made it feel like a home, a safe place, and that will stay."
I look up at her, her brown eyes searching my green eyes for a sign that I'm okay. I know she's been worried about this show, about it being the last, about me. She's worried about my feelings, my state of mind after the show. I've told her thousands of time not to worry, that I'd be fine, but now that I have to actually face it, I'm glad she's here to help. This is a big step to take, it's a whole chapter from my life ending. I guess that it's her mother side coming out and worrying for everyone.
Our moment is stopped by cries through the baby phone signifying that Theodore is awake. Our baby boy was born on September 10th 2022 which make him now 10 months old. After the birth, Violet took a few months off coming to the shows, but she came back with him a few times, the other times, she left him with her mother. "I'm gonna go check up on him, will you look out for the girls?" She untangles our fingers and stands up. "Of course."
I turn around and see Aimée and Grace jumping in the pool, screaming and laughing. The almost four years old are looking as happy as ever, putting their head underwater and throwing water at each other. Even though the pool is not deep and they are in the space where they can touch the bottom, I get up from the piano bench and go sit near the pool, letting my legs dangle in the water.
"Daddy! Can you play with us?" Grace splashes me, drenching my shorts in water. "No Gracie, I'm sorry I have something to do."
They both stand in front of me, their hair a disheveled mess of damp curls, a pout on their lips and yellow water goggles on her eyes. Aimée crosses her arms on her chest. "What?" I try not to laugh at their faces.
"But you seem sad daddy, and if you play with us you won't be sad anymore. We're playing mermaids, and you love playing mermaids! Oh please please please!" They throw themselves at me, hugging me to make me agree to play with them. They know that making me soft is the best way to make me do what they want me to do. Smart girls.
I sigh and hug them back, giving them each a kiss atop their head. "I know, but today it's complicated. You know tomorrow is my last show? then I won't be back on stage for a little while?" They look at me through their goggles, "No more dancing?" Grace asks. I shake my head. "No more dancing in stadium, but there will still be dancing and dressing up in the house with mommy and Theodore!"
"What about mommy and Theodore?" Violet comes back, our little boy in her arms awake from his nap.
Aimée throws herself in her mom's legs, her head near Violet's knees. "Dancing and dressing up, silly!"
Violet laughs and sits next to me, dangling Theodore's legs in the water. He looks so cute only wearing a baby swim trunks and a hat. The twins start playing with him, tickling him and putting a bit of water on his body. Ever since he was born, they've been very gentle and protective of him. "You can go back to your piano, to clear you head a little. I see that you need it. I'll look over them dont worry" Violet looks at me with a smile and kisses my cheek before I get up.
I mouth a 'thank you' and go back to sit on the piano bench. I want to do something special, something memorable for this last show, but I can't think of anything. I've already added new songs to the setlist and chose my outfit. I havent yet prepared a speech, I know it'll come to me once I'll be on stage in front of all of these people who've been supporting me for so long. I let my fingers touch some keys on the piano, but nothing feels harmonious. That's when I hear water splashing and the sound of feet on the floor. I turn around and see the twins running up to me. "Don't run or you'll fall!" By the time I finish my sentence, they are both next to me, looking up to meet my eyes.
"you' writing a new song?"
"Sort of... Do you want to sit next to me?" They nod excitedly. I help them to get on the bench, all smiles. "Can we touch?" Their fingers linger on some tiles. "Of course darling."
(Play the 10 min piano ballad from Reggio Emilia if you want...)
Grace starts, pressing on the same two keys, until Aimée continues with other keys. I let them play, watching them with wide eyes. I know that they had a musical ear, that they learned fast because they were often next to me when I played or wrote, but I never knew they could play so well. This is what I've been searching for, something with meaning. I start accompanying them on other keys. Their eyes stay concentrated on the piano, brows frowning, their tongue peeking out of their mouth in concentration. I feel a shaky hand on my shoulder. I hadn't noticed Violet approaching. I continue playing with them, my eyes watering. Then, they stop.
They look up at me, but the smile on their faces quickly vanishes. "Don't cry mommy and daddy!" Grace inches closer to me and wipes my tears away, then she puts her head on my shoulder, her fragile arms around my neck. Aimée follows, doing the same thing. "I'm sorry I didn't want you to cry." She says, her eyes also watering.
I caress her hair, "Oh my darling, It's okay. I'm not sad. I'm so proud of you my darlings... So, so proud..."
Violet comes to hug us, all five of us in a big family hug. I pull back from them, watching them. "This was beautiful, will you allow me to use this ballad tomorrow? Am I allowed to perform it in front of everyone?" They both nod, then they hide their faces in my chest out of shyness.
I kiss them again, "I love you so much my darlings..." The words come out as a strangled whisper. "We love you dad." They smile at me, their arms back around my neck.
I look behind me and see Violet wipe her tears away, her phone in her hand capturing this magical moment. She mouths 'I love you' to me as I grab her hand and kiss her knuckles. "So, I guess I found my way to surprise everyone and say goodbye." I chuckle. "I'm probably gonna cry while you're performing it, you know that?' She says with a chuckle.
"I'm probably gonna cry while I perform it... I can't believe this, our little music geniuses!"
Violet sits next to me, not letting go of my hand. "Love, I know you're stressed and sad about this tour ending. I am too. But this free time is something you've not had for a while and you deserve it, you deserve to spend time with your family. This time will not be wasted, I know you, I know you'll write new music. Your brain never stops overflowing with ideas and I doubt you'll be able to contain them. Now, you'll enjoy your summer with your kids, your family, your friends... We'll get to do everything we didn't get to do while you were on tour. Touring was so much fun, but you need a bit a rest. The girls have already planned all their summer playing with you, get ready to play mermaid and go paddle with them." I laugh, watching the two girls who are now back in the pool, splashing water everywhere on the terrace. "And Harry, Love, remember that this is not a goodbye forever. It's a see you later."
****
In honor of me missing Love On Tour. I thought this could be a cute way the song could've been written. I dont play piano so I'm sorry if any of the terms I used are wrong.
Until next time,
XX.