please tell me the right version has posted this time lord
x
jungkook looks at the calendar pinned to his wall. june 10th. three days before their tenth anniversary.
it's the first time in his career that he hasn't looked forward to june 13th. the big celebration. festa is usually the highlight of his year - two whole weeks of doing fun things with his hyungs and putting on shows for army - he adores it. june has always been a very happy month for all of bangtan.
however it's also an emotional time too, but it's always in a joyful - nostalgic type of way. thinking of the hard times still brings a tear to his eye but it just reminds them of how far they've come. they always join together for a meal to talk about life together, the hardships, the fights and the memories - getting to sit and talk with his favourite people (and getting paid to do so) is complete heaven for jungkook. he's able to relax, often forgetting that the cameras are rolling when he's with his six older brothers just eating, talking and drinking. he counts down the days for weeks before, every single year...
apart from this year. this year - everything is different.
for one, jin and hoseok have entered their military service, and will not be with them on their anniversary, or for any of festa at all for that matter. it breaks jungkook's heart even thinking about their special day being incomplete. two members absent from the first time in ten years.
and the other thing is just that. ten years. ten feels so much different to nine, eight, seven and so on. even feels different to five, which was a huge milestone at the time.
for some reason in jungkook's head, ten feels like the end. with them already being temporarily separated - he fears a world where they just don't reunite. a lot of people have said to him, ten years feels like a good place to end it, right? reunite in a few years for a tour maybe?
it seems a lot of people feel this way. like they've hit their peak and should just quit while they're ahead. it makes jungkook feel sick just thinking about it.
in 2018, when the group considered disbandment for the first time, jungkook was the only member to be wholeheartedly against it. he was the only one who didn't even give it a second thought. bts was his life, he wanted to do this until his old bones physically won't let him step up on that stage anymore. he can see himself being a 70 year old rockstar like elton john or paul mccartney - destined to do this for life. so the others even thinking about giving it up made him anxious for weeks.
thankfully they moved past that, and have made it to their ten year celebration. none of the boys have mentioned disbanding in a long time. and they re-signed their contracts again recently so really he shouldn't even be worrying about this.
but he is.
many great bands haven't lasted this long. so many people have thrown it all away much earlier than bts, so what's stopping them?
what if their next comeback flops and the company fires them? what if their relevancy drops and they become nobodies? could jungkook survive without bts? could he just be ... jungkook?
it's 10am and he already feels awful just thinking about all this. it's days like this where he wishes he still lived with his hyungs, and was able to just wander across the hall into one of their bedrooms and vent his worries, knowing that he will be listened to and validated. but he's all alone. and the other boys all seem so far away.
he turns over his phone and sees a message in the groupchat from jimin. it's a picture of a festa billboard in seoul - and the caption is "it's almost here!"
he leaves it on read and walks into the kitchen. nothing looks appetising. he still feels uneasy - and even a glass of water is making him want to throw up. being alone in this big house is not helping. he gets himself dressed and leaves the house. jungkook then finds himself walking to the hybe building, which he actually hadn't planned on doing. the front is decorated for festa of course. he puts his head down and enters using his pass, bowing to greet the staff as he walks in. he steps into the lift and pauses; what is he actually doing here? studio? dancing? just go sit in the lounge and wait for someone to notice him sulking? while he's lost in thought, a staff member enters the lift.
"ah jungkookie! so glad you are here, i was about to call you actually. namjoonie wants to see you. something about your album? i'm not too sure! he's in his studio right now! shall we go together?"
unable to think of an excuse to say no, he nods shyly. the staff member seems to notice his out of sorts behaviour but doesn't say anything. he's pretty new here, so probably doesn't want to overstep.
the two stand in silence as the lift takes them up to the seventh floor. jungkook swears the short journey lasts hours, the awkward silence suffocates him.
when they finally get to the floor, the staff member walks him over to namjoon's studio and rings the bell. it's only a few seconds before the door opens. the staff member pops his head in the door and says something that jungkook doesn't hear. namjoon and the staff converse for a minute before he steps back, and says "all yours!" to jungkook. the pair bow at each other and the employee walks away, leaving jungkook stood at the door like an idiot. he walks in and sits down, namjoon flashes him a smile and says hello, and jungkook just nods. there's a few seconds of silence before namjoon speaks again.
"you sent me this demo a week ago and i've finally gotten time to look at it. it's really good! what i would say though is i think this part right here needs to be a lot more powerful if that's where you're planning on putting the bridge. i would suggest-"
namjoon stops abruptly and looks over at jungkook who's just sat slouching in the chair. he looks at namjoon, but doesn't say anything.
"are you listening?"
jungkook nods. he has a habit of zoning out so hearing those three words is not uncommon. namjoon pulls up a different file and starts to play him something else. he's hardly listening at this point, not wanting to be there at all. he's starting to wonder why he didn't just say he had a vocal lesson instead.
to be honest, he's kind of been avoiding the members recently. a few of them are about to enlist as well and seeing them just hurts, knowing that the days they have together are numbered for the time being. he isolates himself a lot, which isn't a good thing - but something he's never tried to stop doing. oops.
"jungkook?"
"hmm?"
"i asked what you thought of the changes i made to your demo."
jungkook's eyes went wide - his "i'm fucked" face if you like. he doesn't have a clue what namjoon just played him.
namjoon sighed and turned off the computer.
"what's up?"
jungkook sighs too. he's not really ready for this conversation, but he's always been the worst lier in bangtan. even worse than hoseok.
"nothing."
namjoon rolls his eyes in a very exaggerated manor. it makes jungkook smile, but only for a second. he can't shake the feeling that's been following him for weeks.
"jungkook. tell me."
jungkook fidgets with his sleeves a little, trying to figure out what to say. it's hard, as the last thing he wants to do his pass his concerns onto namjoon and freak him out too. namjoon, much like jungkook - is a chronic over thinker. and similar situations to this have sent him spiralling.
"okay but like, i know it's stupid okay and i shouldn't even be worrying about it - but i am and i can't help it and like - i don't want to upset you or anything but-"
"jk, just tell me. it's okay."
with that sentence alone, the floodgates open. jungkook spills everything that's been on his mind lately, from their anniversary to enlistment, disbandment, feeling lonely, the future and just missing the past. it all comes out in a big jumbled up mess of words that somehow namjoon understands. he nods sympathetically and puts his hand on jungkook's thigh.
"i get you kook. i really do. i've had similar thoughts if i'm honest, seeing everyone release solo work and become accustomed to doing things on their own really made me wonder, after this whole military thing is over - would be go back to being 7?
i thought about it a lot. and it troubled me too, because personally i much prefer being in a group. i'm so much more comfortable with you guys around me. when i'm by myself i feel like a bit of an idiot somethings. i spoke with yoongi, and he told me that he felt the same way - being up on that big stage all by himself was scary, and he felt lonely. it was hard work doing all those songs by himself. then over the phone one night, he confided in hoseok, who said the exact same thing. how much he preferred being a 7. so that's why i stopped worrying, because being together for so long has made us all think similarly too. when i realised that we all felt this way, i was able to relax. one, because i felt validated that the others felt like this too, and two because i got the answer i wanted. that 7 is best. and that's what we are going to stay as. a 7. forever.
and as for the tenth anniversary? i think it's being made out to be a huge deal as a marketing ploy. really it's no different to any other anniversary. ten feels like a lot now - but it's going to seem like nothing on our fiftieth - right?"
the last sentence sticks with jungkook. because it's true. bts will be together forever - even if they don't make music as much or don't tour - they've been through so much together, and there's no separating them.
"here's what i want you to do. try your best to forget about it being our tenth anniversary, okay? i know it's hard. but picture in your head that it's our eleventh. after all, we debuted in 2013, but we were together for longer before that. eleven seems better doesn't it? if we have made it to eleven, we may as well go to fifteen? and if we make it to fifteen, we may as well make it to twenty.
that's how i've been looking at it. there's far too much pressure on "ten" so pretend it's a different number. then it's not so scary. at least, that works for me." he chuckles slightly. jungkook feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
"tell you what. stay at mine tonight. we'll have our own mini festa dinner. we can talk about the good times, watch old videos, whatever you like. i know we won't be together for much longer which is scary - but why waste the time we have now? i've missed you jungkook. i've missed this."
jungkook agrees. for the first time in a while he's got something to look forward to. it feels so good to just be able to talk about his feelings and not have to worry about what he says. with his members he can say whatever he wants and not fear judgment. with his members, everything is okay.
he realises now that there's no need to worry about the future. all his boys feel the same way, everyone prefers life in a group.
what a relief we are 7.
and 7 we shall stay.
forever.
bts : 2013-♾️
-end-
written in an hour lol
i genuinely hate this but i've not updated in ages 😭
better things in the works i promise
ej
2042 wordz