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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
while her bliss
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"You look down. Something happened at work?" Vienna asked while we were dining. Mukhang napansin niya ang katahimikan ko nang makauwi ako mula IMI.
I can't blame her. What happened today is really unbearable to me. I was disrespected and neglected. Who would feel good about that?
Buti na lang din at kaming dalawa lang nandito ngayon sa bahay dahil may inasikaso pa raw si Weston. Ang ikinapagtataka ko lang ay bakit halos sarado lahat dito sa bahay at dumoble 'yung seguridad sa labasan ng gate. Hindi naman ganito noong umalis ako kaninang umaga.
"Nothing happened. Just tired from work," Ngumiti ako, "How about you? I'm not an idiot not to notice what's happening here. Bakit parang dumoble 'yung seguridad dito?"
She cleared her throat forcefully. Napatingin siya sa'kin bago binaba ang kubyertos niya, "It's complicated. Let's just say that I should be protected because my life is in danger... for now."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Binaba ko rin ang kubyertos dala ng pagtataka, "In danger? How?"
"Dad's entering the political world in Spain. I'm targeted because of that," Her lips twitched, "That's one of the reasons why I have Weston with me. Fret not, he's a really good bodyguard."
I blinked at her. Ang tagal ko nang alam na nagbabalak maging government official ama ni Vienna sa labas ng bansa pero hindi ko alam na may ganitong nangyayari sakanya. Kaya pala siya pinanatili rito sa halip sa bumalik sa Espanya.
"Hindi ba delikado sa'yo na rito ako naninirahan? Are you sure you're fine here? Baka pasundan ako kasi alam nilang magkaibigan tayo tapos matunton ka nila rito." Nag-aalala kong sabi.
Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay, "So far, nothing life-threatening ever happened to me. I'm fine. Worried ka pa na matunton nila ako kaysa sa safety mo kung gamitin ka nila bilang pain sa'kin. Ano ka ba, Sol?"
"Oh, c'mon! That's not going to happen, Vien."
"How are you so sure?" Her lips puckered in disdain.
"Aalis ako para pumunta sa Glee Sands. Kukunin ko mga gamit kong natira ro'n tapos ay tsaka ko pupuntahan 'yung bahay na matagal ko na gustong bilhin." Sagot ko.
"And where are you staying?"
"Sa Mivida Estate. Ashton recommended that I should buy a house there habang hindi pa tapos 'yung subdivision na minamando ni Paris."
Ashton Puevlo is a friend of ours. He's always there to help kaya noong hindi pa ako bumabalik sa trabaho ay kinontak ko siya para sana i-check kung may alam siyang bahay raging from 1M to 10M ang price kasi bibilhin ko. Nirecommend niya ang bahay do'n sa Mivida. Sa kaibigan daw niya ang villa na 'yun kaya mas napadali ang transaksyon namin.
"Don't you like it here?" Tanong ni Vienna na tapos na sa pagkain.
Umiling ako, "I don't like depending on people, you know. Atsaka mas malapit ang Mivida sa IMI kaya hindi na ako mahihirapan just incase na magc-commute ako."
"Pinahiram ko naman 'yung kotse, ah?" Ngumuso siya.
"That's Weston's car, Vien. And it's a sports car. Wala akong maibabayad do'n kung sakaling maaksidente ako. Nakakahiya na 'yung tulong at pamamalagi ko rito. Aalis siguro ako bukas. Magpapaalam lang ako kay Dr. Canzar."
Palusot ko lang 'yun. I can pay for that sports car. Ngunit kahit ayaw niyang umalis ako ay tumango siya bago nagpasyang ligpitin ang pinagkainan namin. Ako naman ay mas piniling kontakin si Dr. Selene para humingi ng isang linggong patawad ulit kasi pupunta nga akong Glee Sands pagkatapos ko tapusin at pirmahan 'yung kontrata't titulo ng bahay.
"Hello. Dr. Canzar speaking. How may I help you?" She immediately answered.
"This is Solace, Dr. Canzar. Magpapaalam lang sana ako tungkol do'n sa napag-usapan natin 'nung nakaraan?" I stood up from my seat.
"Oh, well, yes! I already approved of that, ija. It's such a shame that you've only seen Anton once. Babalik ka rin ba kaagad?"
"Yes, Dr. Selene." I smiled. Lumabas ako ng kusina bago pumataas. Kailangan ko na rin matulog.
"Agh! Stop calling me 'Dr. Selene'. Call me 'Tita' outside and inside of work. Hayaan mo sila chumismis."
I chuckled as I agreed. Dr. Selene is really getting comfortable with me. Simula kasi nang masabi niya ang patungkol sa pagpapasa niya ng pwesto sa'kin ay parang naging mas magaan ang loob niya sa'kin. She's always favoring me. Minsan ay nagugulat na lang akong may pinapabigay siyang bagong coat na may burda na ng pangalan ko sa may dibdib.
"Also, I'd like to ask, ija." Tumikhim siya, "How was your first day in this branch of IMI?"
"Horrible," I thinned my lip, "Not like sinisiraan ko sila or anything, but Dr. Morales asked Novan who's a better psychotherapist of his. And Novan said it's Freya. It's annoying... that they have to compare us."
Honesty is the best policy. Alangan naman hayaan ko lang na ganu'n ang gawin nila sa institusyon?
I heard her clicked her tongue on the other line, "That woman never really changed. Dr. Morales was sent here after her unprofessional behaviour back in Austria. And I see she still hasn't learned her lesson. Isa pa 'yang anak ni Solomon. I knew she's up to no good but I still approved of her because of the minimized odds."
Natigilan ako sa narinig, lalo na sa tono ng boses ni Dr. Selene. It reeks of disdain and irritation.
Ayaw ba niya kay Freya? Noong isang araw ay ipinagkatiwala naman niya si Freya kay Novan, ah? Papaanong naging ex-fiance rin siya ni Novan kung gano'n?
"Time will tell how she'll turn out, Tita. For now, my priority is just see for myself how will I get to treat Novan again." Sagot ko na lang.
"And that is why I like you," She chuckled, "Do it, ija. I will root for your dream as well as my son's."
I nodded and smiled, "Yes... Tita."
Nagkwentuhan kami saglit bago natapos ang usapan naming dalawa. Ako naman ay nagpasyang humanda sa pagtulog dahil bukas ay bibisitahin ko ang bahay na gusto kong bilhin.
Of course, before I slept, what happened this day kept repeating inside my mind. Inulit-ulit ko 'yun para matanggal ang inis at lungkot ko sa nangyari nitong araw.
I kept wondering why did Novan do and react like that. But wondering for something that time has yet to unveil is useless. Kung hindi ako makakakuha ng sagot ngayon ay baka mayroon akong makuha sa mga susunod na araw kaya mas pinili ko nalang na ipilit ang mata at matulog.
When tomorrow came, I bid a quick goodye to Vienna as I rode her car. Nagdrive-thru na lang ako ng pang-umagahan at kinain 'yun sa biyahe dahil bukod sa medyo maaga ang plano naming pagkikita ni Ashton ay kailangan ko pang mag-withdraw ng cash as a down payment daw sa bahay.
I can actually pay in full but the supervisor wanted me to cut the fee so I can experience the luxury before I decide to buy the house. Hindi na ako umayaw since malaki naman abanse sa'kin.
It was past 9 when I arrived in Mivida Estate. Tumigil ako sa tapat ng malaking Colonial Mansion - as what they named it - bago lumabas ng kotse suot ang shades ko. I held a coffee on my other hand.
Bago ako tuluyang pumasok ay tinignan ko muna ang disenyo ng bahay. It surely lived up to it's name. Worth it din 'yung price na halos 25 million, 'di gaya ng tawad ko na 5M to 10M.
The house is a mixture of green and white. It was clean and managed beautifully. The lawn is filled with green grasses and well-cut bushes, mayroon pang sprinkler, bougainvillea, and aventurine rocks all over. Sobrang ganda tignan ng disenyo at imprastaktura.
I bit my lip at the thought na rito ako titira sa susunod na linggo. Doon ay tsaka ako pumasok at hinanap si Ashton.
He didn't give me a hard time finding for him. Nakatayo na siya sa may lawn kasama ang isang malaking lalaki na pamilyar ang ayos. Abala silang dalawa sa pag-uusap kaya siguro hindi nila napansin man lang na pumasok na ako.
Inayos ko ang sarili bago lumapit sakanilang dalawa. Abala talaga sila sa tawanan at usapan nila to the point na kahit nakalapit ako ay hindi nila ako napansin.
"Good morning, Ash." I called out before sipping on my coffee.
Napalingon silang dalawa sa'kin at halos mabulunan ako sa kape nang makilala ko sino ang kasama niya. Nginisihan pa nila akong dalawa.
"Nigel?" My eyes widened.
"Solace!" He smiled widely before opening his arms, "Namiss kita! Ang sayang makita na maayos ka na rin, ah?"
Pansin kong napakunot ang noo ni Ashton pero hindi siya nagsalita. Nagpasalamat ako ro'n. Hindi niya kasi alam na nabaril ako at mas mabuti na 'yun!
"Anong..." Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sakanilang dalawa, "Anong ginagawa mo rito?"
"Well, of course! I own Mivida!" Tinapik niya sa balikat si Ashton atsaka silang dalawa lumapit sa'kin, "And Ashton's a friend of mine. Binalak kong sorpresahin ka nang malaman kong ikaw 'yung bibili. Dala-dala ko na rin 'yung mga gamit mong naiwan sa isla! This serves for a small celebration, right?"
My eyes widened. I mean, what a damned small world. Ashton knows Nigel? That's new! Ni hindi 'to nakwento ni Ash!
"Papaano kayo nagkakilala?" Tanong ko.
"He designed Mivida. He's the engineer I hired. And eventually, he's a great friend, too." Si Nigel ang sumagot.
"Perks of being a socialite and a social butterfly." Ashton chuckled.
I stared at them in disbelief. Who wouldn't?! Ngayon ko lang nalaman na magkaibigan ang kaibigan ng pasyente ko at ang kaibigan ko!
"You know what? Why don't we tour inside? Marami akong kwento," Nigel pat my shoulder, "Kasama na ro'n ang katotohanang dating bahay 'to ni Novan."
Mas lalo akong natuod, "Are you kidding me?"
"Oh, bakit sobrang affected mo naman?" Ngumisi siya, "Parang si Novan lang 'e!"
I almost shrieked in madness and flabbergasted. Oh, God! Nigel! If only you knew what that man did, alam kong hindi mo masasabi 'yan!
Pinaningkitan ko ng mata ang bahay, "I don't think I'll buy this."
"Sol!" Agap na tawag ni Ashton, "I already called for a contract lawyer. You can't back out now."
Napamura ako sa isipan, pero may magagawa pa ba ako? Syempre wala! Nandito na 'e! I already said I'll buy it after checking! This is unbelievable.
"Tara!" Nigel dragged me inside. Hindi na ako nakapalag at mas pinili na lang na magpatianod.
Nang makita ko ang looban ay hindi ko maiwasang hindi malula. Ang floor plan ay katulad na katulad ng bahay ni Novan sa Glee Sands. May ibang naiba pero makikita ang pagkakaparehas ng construction.
Shit. So Nigel wasn't lying?
"I planned to let Novan stay here, but something happened kaya mas pinili niya ro'n sa Glee Sands," Nigel spoke while we're wandering around, "Kamusta na pala siya, Sol?"
I almost inhaled roughly. Dumeretso ako sa living room para iwasan 'yun pero ramdam kong nakasunod siya sa malayo at naghihintay ng sagot. And God, I don't know what to answer. Should I tell Nigel that Novan's ignoring me? Should I tell him what I knew? Should I ask him if he knows what's the matter?
"I'm not his doctor anymore, Nigel. Better ask the right person!" Sagot ko na lang at halos mapasigaw ako sa gulat nang pagtalikod ko para umalis sana ay siya agad ang bumungad.
"What do you mean by that?" Seryoso niyang tanong.
I sighed in defeat, "I was suspended for a reason, Nigel. And it was because I'm causing his mental state a disruption and I... I kind of disrespected Dr. Selene because of that. All is fine now though. Assistant doctor pa rin ako ng doktor niya."
"I don't care about that. Ang alam ko ay maayos naman ang lahat. Bakit bigla kang pinalitan?" Nahimigan ko ang inis sa tono niya.
"It's complicated, Nigel. Besides, Novan's ignoring me. I should take that as a gesture that he doesn't like me anymore."
Nalaglag ang panga niya, "He's been what?! Ignoring you?! The nerve he has!"
I just smiled and nodded, "Yes. Impossible, indeed."
"Impossible, really!" Hinawi niya ang buhok, "He was worried sick when you were shot tapos hindi siya mamamansin ngayon?" He sarcastically remarked pero pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay ngumisi rin siya, "Gusto 'ata magpasuyo. Suyuin mo na. Malapad naman kama niya sa kwarto niya ro'n 'di ba?" Humagalpak siya ng tawa.
Agad ko siyang piningot, "Nakakabwisit ka talaga kausap."
I rolled my eyes bago lumabas. Ramdam kong sumunod siya kaya halos hindi matanggal ang tingin ni Ashton sa'min. Baka akalain nito ay may namamagitan sa'min. Naloko na.
"Seriously, Sol, that's not Novan's thing. It's either he's keeping something or you've done something wrong!" Giit niya sa likod ko.
Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. Hinarap ko siya, "I don't remember doing anything wrong besides the latter, Nigel. If that man is ignoring me, the problem is on him."
Tumalikod ako at mas binilisan ang paglalakad para makapunta sa kusina kung sa'n nakita kong pumunta si Ashton. Nadatnan ko siyang kinakain ang drinivethru ko. Ako naman ay umupo lang at huminga nang malalim. Nagsisimula nanaman kasing manikip ang dibdib ko habang inaalala ang nangyari kahapon.
What happened yesterday is absolutely absurd. It was infuriating. I was disrespected, yet I can't fight back. Then, 'yung nangyari sa greenhouse. I saw how Novan's bliss was directed to Freya whilst my glee dissipates every moment he shows it to everyone and to me.
Nakakainis. Nakakapanghina. At hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito 'yung nararamdaman ko gayong dapat ay masaya ako na nakikita kong masaya siya kahit papaano.
Nigel suddenly laughed, making the path of my thoughts redirect to him. Hawak-hawak niya na ang kapeng dinala ko rito.
"If you didn't do anything to him then it's the latter, Sol. He's keeping something from you. Ano kaya 'yun?" He laughed loudly.
Napairap ako. Ano naman itatago nu'n? Daan sa karimlan? Kayamanan? Ano? Syempre wala! It's just that Freya's there kaya niya ako iniiwasan! I should face that fact. Isa pa ay walang-respeto ko ring sinagot si Dr. Selene noon, and she said that Novan is her son. Sinong matinong anak naman ang matutuwa na gaganunin ang ina niya? Syempre wala! Dagdagan pa na ako 'yung nasa likod ng mga problema niya ngayon. Mula nang mabaril ako!
I thought all of those last night... I thought of reasons why Novan is avoiding me and those are the things I can think of. They're reasonable enough... at least for me.
But amidst those, I know that the Novan I knew is still there. Maybe he's just lost or finding for his path.
"No, Nigel. Novan's keeping nothing from me," I said after a long silence, "His ex-fiance just came back and now, she's his doctor. Her name is Freya Solomon. That's why he's neglecting me. So, she won't feel threatened or jealous."
Naibuga ni Nigel kay Ashton ang iniinom. Napasigaw ang isa sa inis ngunit tila walang narinig si Nigel at mabilis lang na napabaling sa'kin.
Huli na nang mapagtanto ko ang sinabi, pero hindi ko 'yun babawiin. That's how I feel it the moment he showed us that painting and decided to introduce it as Freya.
"Are you sure that's Freya Solomon?" He asked, flabbergasted, "Freya was the reason why he got enlisted in the Embassy! He should've been mad at her! Siya 'yung rason bakit tuluyang nawasak ang Novan namin!"
Natigilan ako, "Ano?"
Nigel didn't answer. Mabilis niyang kinuha ang aparato at may tinawagan do'n. Ilang beses siyang nag-dial ngunit wala 'atang may sumagot. Sa inis niya ay pabalang niyang nilagay ang aparato sa lamesa, "Why would Mama approved of her? Paniguradong may pinaplano nanaman 'yun!"
What even is he gawking about?
"How well do you even know Novan?" Mahina kong tanong, "It could be something else, Nigel. Let's not make a big deal out of it."
Napatingin siya sa'kin, seryoso ang mata niya, "I know Novan ever since we were kids. He's my older brother, Sol. I share the same blood as his. And just so you don't know, my full name is Arkinghel Tanov Vitre. Short for 'Nigel'. And to tell you again, what you said just now is totally absurd."
Umawang ang labi ko sa gulat ngunit bago pa ako makapagsalita ay inunahan niya ako.
"Novan loved Freya dearly, but her betrayal was unbearable. She was the reason why Novan was sent to the army. She simply enlisted him without his consent! Hindi ko rin alam anong nakita ni Novan sa babaeng 'yun pero hindi naging maganda ang relasyon nilang dalawa. Freya is toxic. Kinakahiya niya noon si Novan pero siya 'tong lumalapit ngayon sakanya," Nigel said seriously, "Kaya hindi ko maintindihan, Sol, kung bakit 'yan ang rasong nakikita mo pero sinisiguro ko sa'yo, Novan is hiding something. You have to be brave enough to face it."
Silence swallowed me whole, but hope rose within me. I just didn't let it fully consume my being. Hope after all can equal to despair. Ayokong mas lalo akong basagin ng panandaliang pag-asa. Ayokong umasa. Pero sa loob ko, nagbabaka-sakali ako na sana... sana nga may tinatago si Novan o si Dr. Selene.
"At ikaw din, akala mo ba ay hindi ko mahahalata 'yung selos mo?" Nginisihan niya ako, "Tanungin mo pa si Ashton. Kitang-kita sa ekspresyon mo 'e."
Ashton choked when his laugh bursts out. Nakuha niya pang tumango.
Sinamaan ko sila ng tingin, "Bakit ako magseselos?"
"Napamahal ka na sakanya!" Nigel exclaimed blissfully, "Hindi kita masisisi. Kung sana kasi ay nakilala mo 'yung Novan bago siya naging ganyan ay mapapaibig ka talaga niya. Mas bet pa kita kay Freya 'e. Demonyita kasi 'yun. Anghel ka naman."
Hindi ko siya pinansin. Inirapan ko lang siya sa kabila ng konting bigat na nawala sa loob ko. I admit, I kind of felt relieved that what Nigel said might be true, but I wouldn't let that affect anything as well. Hope is good, but too much is idiotic.
"Basta, Sol..." Sabat ulit ni Nigel, "Huwag mong sukuan si Novan. Kahit anong mangyari."
Natigilan ako. Although surprised, I tried to answer with a slow nod. Because I feel like with a single trust in me, my determination came back. I feel like I still want to thrive to know the Novan they're talking about, but if he continues doing what he did yesterday - tolerating that disrespect and letting me feel worthless - I don't know if I can take it anymore.
What I just know now is... I'm willing to risk it even if it's worthy or not.
God, Novan! This is bullshit to think but maybe Nigel is right? Maybe he is absolute that I've grown close to you? Because what even is leading me to do all of this? Why am I risking everything? Why am I hurt? Shit.
Antonov Novan Vitre, what are you doing to me? You damned asshole!