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CHAPTER EIGHT
his unknown axis
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A sigh escaped past my lips when I finished writing my initial report about Novan's behaviour these past few weeks.
So far, I haven't gotten anything evident aside from the panic attack he had a few days ago. If it's anything about his attitude, ibang usapan na 'yun dahil halos ang dami kong naisulat.
I have no apparent diagnosis of my own yet. Lahat ng alam ko sakanya ay nakadepende pa rin sa mga dokumento ng mga therapist niya bago ako dumating.
Doon ko lang din nalaman na halos isang buwan lang pala tinagal dito ng mga therapist niya, isang session din sa bawat isa.
He was appointed with six therapist in total, all of them have degrees and expertise bigger than mine. Kaya rin hindi ko maiwasang maisip anong nasa isip ng senior ko para ipadala ako rito. Perhaps, she trusts me that much?
"Are we just going to sit here and do nothing?" Novan asked while sipping his coffee. Nasa tapat siya ng lamesa sa living room kung sa'n ko siya inayang kausapin.
After what he said yesterday, I vowed to myself that I'll treat this man and carve a path for him to walk on. I want to know everything about him. After all, there's something he's hiding beneath his eyes that I want to find. I know he's just concealing it but it's there.
Nakaupo kami ngayon sa sofa sa living room. Magkatapat. I'm busy swifting through my folders. Siya naman ay prenteng iniinom ang kapeng pinatimpla.
"I'm trying to speculate things. Hindi basta-basta ang session ko. It's different than the past ones you encountered." I continuted shifting through my folders.
"How is it any different? You'll question and observe me. That's it." Aniya.
Buryo ko siyang tinignan, "You're looking down on how psychology works. We don't just make speculations right off the bat, we're studying behaviours. And then, the cognitive treatment begins."
He didn't answer. Nagpatuloy lang siya sa pag-inom at mas piniling itikom ang bibig. Nagpatuloy naman ako sa pagtingin sa mga nakahilerang folder ng diagnosis sakanya. Halos saulo ko na lahat ng 'yun pero mas gusto kong basahin ulit dahil baka may nakaligtaan ako.
I didn't make him wait either. Nang sinarado ko 'yun ay dinampot ko ang journal kung sa'n ko nilalagay lahat ng balita ko patungkol sakanya. Then, I pressed a button on my pen. It's a recording pen, after all. Something that IMI gave us for better analysis after the session.
"I should warn you. I'm different from you other therapist. During our session, I might trigger you by my questions. You're free to show emotions. I'm not a wall. After all, I will dig in the past you have inside your mind. I want you to remember what's pulling you back and face it. Take it as a memory to serve a better present." Seryoso kong paalam.
Hindi siya sumagot pero hindi rin siya gumalaw para umalis o ano. The only thing I noticed is he looked at me intently before dropping his gazes. I took that gesture as a way of him saying 'yes'. Tumango rin ako, senyales na magsisimula na kami, bago umayos ng upo.
"So, how do you feel right now?" I asked, my eyes directly focused on him.
From staring at his coffee, he looked up to meet my gazes. Just like always, his eyes are void of any emotions, making me think that he might maybe answer 'nothing' as a quick response to my question.
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