Was it a mistake? To love without questioning? Was it so wrong to trust blindly? The ability to love fully and truly. The blessing of seeing the good in others. The better you can love, the more humane you are. Yet the more you start loving without any conditions, the further away you will go, because loving without a benefit, loving without a reason, without wanting something in return or without having anything to gain, is not how humans love. We aren't capable of such love.
Even a parent can forsake you if you turn out to be something they did not approve of. They can withhold love from you and give it only under certain conditions. To get love, there's always something you must give in return.
In our world, where everything has a price, so does love. The ones that are capable of loving for free and giving love freely are the ones we tend to label as more than human.
"Such an angel, they are." They will say and look at them with admiration and even jealousy, not thinking for even a moment what is the price of kindness in a world that is far from kind.
No one ever sits to contemplate how torturing it must be for an angel to live where they don't belong. How hard it is to survive in a world that's trying to kill you.
An angel can not stay in hell for long and expects to not be polluted. For no matter how pure one's soul may be, it doesn't equal durability.
We all break sooner or later. We all get stained one way or another.
The kindness and love you were capable of will one day come to be your grave. For even if you loved purely, unconditionally, and truly, the target of your feelings was still unworthy.
Your love may have been free, but it remains a weapon. One that will cruelly tear you apart with the same intensity you loved.
There's no dead heart that was not once kind. There's no suffering soul that did not once know love, nor there exists a heartless cruel being that was not once pure.
The pitiful lost souls are made from tears and sorrow. The sinners are born from despair, and the madmen are created from broken hearts and shattered hopes.
Loving will always have the biggest risks and the highest price. A bet that if you lose, it could cost you your entire entity.
And he was among the losers of this game. Left in darkness, frozen in time as his consciousness hangs in the middle of the essence of his soul, like a corpse.
Droplets of red were travelling down his chest while Jimin's shut eyes kept shedding tears that would unite with his blood along the journey downwards and they would disturb rhythmically the lake of darkness that lay beneath him.
With an open chest and his heart missing from its place, he remained hollow, bearing the cold eyes of the thief that stole it from him.
In P3's eyes, Jimin's figure appeared just as he had left him and his presence there felt identical if it wasn't for the exception that he had a beating heart within him instead of Jimin. P3 had, in his possession, something precious that was responsible for keeping them all alive as well as the thing that was holding them all unable to escape the withering pain of existence.
If it wasn't for this foolish heart that got hurt so badly, Jimin't brain would have never needed to go above and beyond to protect him from feeling that ache. If it wasn't for this ability of it to love fully, Jimin could have been spared from hell.
In P3's eyes, this heart was at fault as much as the ones that broke it, yet no matter how often he caught himself hating the existence of Jimin's heart, he couldn't help but know that it was his as much as it was Jimin's, no matter how distasteful that was and how much he would never dare admit to it.
Unlike the rest, he knew the truth. And no matter who likes it or not, the truth remained one and the same. They all belong to Jimin. They could never be on their own. None could ever take anyone's place, for no matter who gets to sit on the throne of consciousness, Jimin will still be living through them all. Because he was them all, and they were only pieces of his once solid mind.
"Who would have known...that the price of existence will be so heavy." He whispered to himself yet his words came to echo in the neverending darkness, making him smirk right after and lift his gaze.
P3's eyes grew softer as he stared at Jimin's figure just as his heart started thumping louder in his chest. The fool was calling to the one who knew he would succumb to it. For sure such an individual was Jimin. One that would fall for the desires of his heart, and would follow its call, even if that was to bring him doom.
"You will never change, will you?" P3 questioned him even though he was aware that Jimin could not reply to him nor was this conversation something he was to ever recall.
"If there's one thing that I absolutely despise about you, it's exactly this," P3 added as he allowed his gaze to grow stern and with a clenched fist by the side of his body, he found himself speedily walking up to Jimin's hanging figure.
"How can you not change? Look at what loving has brought you. Why are you hanging on to something as useless as a beating heart? Can't you see, that it is only a disadvantage?" He angrily brought his hand to take a tight grip of Jimin's throat and lifted his head in order to see his face clearer.
His own face.
"I wanna help you...I want to save you...Yet we all know, there's no saving you as a whole...I have to cut you to pieces...You have to let some parts of you die and vanish...We cannot make it without a sacrifice! " P3 admitted with a roaring voice that resonated around and made the dark waters of the lake beneath them, start forming some waves.
"So tell me...which sacrifice would hurt you less...what part shall I erase to keep us alive?" His grip fell loose slowly just as his eyes drifted low.
"There's no win without a change, yet I know that abandoning your heart will lead me only to save a corpse...I have never found myself in a more difficult position...Do I keep us breathing as an empty shell or do I hold on to our soul until our last breath comes?" P3 took some steps back as he spoke of his dilemma then he gazed down at the wave of the dark lake that had grown aggressive.
He didn't even blink as he dived into those dark waters and left the heaviness of the liquid to consume him and take him to the bottom of it, where on the other side he came to the surface of a similar place, yet on this one there were two figures hanging in the air, motionless.
P1 and P2 chained in their usual places in their sleepy state, were a sight he was used to for unlike them he was one that was always awake under that surface of consciousness. He was aware even when they were to be the ones that have made it to the other side of this dark lake and sneakily obtained the throne of consciousness in Jimin's entity.
He was the holder of the full puzzle and hence the one to simmer in eternal agony. The atlas that was carrying the pain of the truth while the rest carried the pain of memories. P3 had always thought that of them all he was the one to have been carrying the most pain and suffering, yet after that conversation he had with you earlier, he had come to question his perspective.
He was born to protect Jimin, to spare him, yet their existence was slowly killing him. They were all keeping from him all the pain that could take his life, yet they were still harming him. The point of his existence had always been a clean priority to him, yet at that very moment P3 found himself struggling to decide what was truly the best for Jimin. For them all.
"There is no healing awaiting us...there's no peace that will ever find us...however if I must obtain something, that will be the taste of fairness..." P3's words travelled to the two figures before he managed to approach them properly and place his hands on their shoulders.
"I can't erase your sadness," He allowed his left hand to softly travel from P2's shoulder to his neck and halt upon cupping his cheek, endearingly. " Nor I can erase your despair and need for life" He did the same with his other hand to P1's figure and stood among them with an expressionless face.
"The only thing that I can do, is to transform this unfairness into equality. In the eyes of the world, I will be the one to make the Angel Jimin become a villain, but maybe...just maybe...when they get driven to justice and break into madness as we did...our pain might become a bit more bearable." He whispered his thoughts to the lifeless figures and then pulled away more and more without breaking eye contact.
P3 returned to the dark waters and brought himself once more to the other side where laid the conscious he was ruling and dared not to spare another look at Jimin's figure, for he was feeling guilty towards him for what he had made up his mind to do.
There was none that he had ever felt pity for. None but him. There was none whose pain he would not enjoy, any but his. The suffering of an innocent was a sight that even someone as vengeful, full of rage and cold as P3 was, could not find joy in.
He allowed his consciousness to flit away and bring him out of his slumber, opening his eyes to a new day and jolting to a seating position in Jimin's bed. He stared ahead for a bit, as such was the time he needed to adjust to reality then he looked around the room only to take notice of your seated figure, sleeping beside the door frame of his bedroom, where he had left after that conversation you had.
You had followed him after a while, not daring to get any closer to him, despite the fact that he seemed to have fallen asleep but simultaneously unwilling to let him out of your sight just in case.
"Such a stubborn little human," P3 uttered softly as he tilted his head and remained there to observe you with some interest over that attribute of yours that he had just commented on.
If I had a choice, I would cover her eyes. I would push her away and make sure she never gets to have the sweet image of Jimin get stained, but I am afraid she won't be one to easily step back. She won't abandon us until she really gets to see, that we are a monster... And I will have to break that illusion of love out of her, once and forever.
P3 concluded inwardly as he had understood well so far that you had formed some kind of connection with Jimin that you weren't willing to toss aside no matter what he was to say. A connection he could not afford to keep yet as he thought of how to terrorise you enough to never return, Jimin's heart started aching in his chest.
This foolish heart of his, that once again had ended up loving without having anything certain. This heart that was sulking and grieving at the thought and only of hurting or losing you who he loved, despite the fact that you had never claimed to love him back.
That ache managed to annoy P3 enough to rashly throw his covers away from him and walk up to your figure furiously, yet he halted once near you and looked down at your still sleeping figure.
"Wake up!" He yelled and you jolted awake in a daze for it was certainly unexpected but once on your feet, and after you had hurriedly taken in your surroundings, you were met with Jimin's face and you felt reflexively at ease.
"Oh, it's just you. Let me sleep a bit more. I feel so tired, you have no idea." You replied as you carelessly allowed your forehead to lean against his chest, using him as a pillar of rest.
An action that was done under the commands of your still sleepy mind, managed to bring Jimin's heart to start thumping up louder in his chest and made P3 grow even angrier at the way his body was reacting.
Before he got to react, however, your arms got wrapped around his waistline and you snuggled closer to him in search of some warmth that his flesh sure still had. The familiar scent of his body made you feel comfortable and allowed you to sink further back into your slumber while he remained frozen, staring at nothing ahead.
"She sure knows how to tempt a man" He admitted under his breath as he allowed a smirk to form on his lips then he calmly swiped you off your feet and carried you to the bed.
He placed you there carefully, planning to grand your wish of having some more sleep while he will go take care of something he had in mind, however, the movement had woken you up a bit more and thus once he tried to leave, your hold on his wrist held him in his place.
"What? You changed your mind about sleeping with me?" He teased as he saw you opening your eyes and taking a better look at him.
"Cut the nonsense...where are you going?" You questioned him as you now were a bit more aware than before and your mind had reminded you of who he really was.
"I will just pay a visit to my psychologist and be back. You can rest for some more hours." He pulled his arm away and you hummed in understanding and closed your eyes, leaving some seconds to pass by, until the information sunk in your head and you instantly snapped awake.
"What?! You are going to Jiya?" You spoke more to yourself than anyone as he had walked out of the room already.
Oh God...this most likely is not good...what do I do....should I call Jin?
You panicked as you couldn't help but fear what could P3 do or say to Jiya after all the lies she had said to Jimin and the attempt she had done against him because she was being blackmailed. P3 claims to be aware of all Jimin's memories hence he must be aware of all the things that went down with her too. Why would he want to talk to her now knowing that Jimin had given her a chance to explain herself on her own to Jin?
This certainly sounded like trouble, but even if you were to call Jin what could you exactly tell him? There was no way for you to explain to him the base of your worry without letting him know of the truth of his girlfriend's lies.
"I guess I will just make sure to try my best to keep him under control I guess." You concluded and rushed out of the room to get your things together and be ready to follow him by the time he finishes his morning routine.
A routine that sure was starting earlier than other days as once you reached the living room, you happened to take notice of the clock that was on the wall and displayed the early hour of the day. 5 AM.
This is surely gonna be a long day.
---To be continued...