SEASON THREE,
CHAPTER 19:
TWO FUNERALS
"I'll see you at home, kid."
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THE JOURNEY BACK down the mountain took longer than the group had hoped. The group tried to be quick so that they could get Big John help as soon as possible, but it was a struggle to do so because he has been getting weaker from blood loss; even with his arms slung around John B and Pope's shoulders, Big John could barely keep himself steady.
Nevertheless, the teens work together to make their way down to the river where they then help carefully place Big John into the small boat. Delilah slips the straps of her backpack off of her shoulders, placing it under his head so that he can rest comfortably. After doing so, she is quick to copy her friends and climb into the boat where Pope starts the engine, allowing them all to set sail across the murky water in order to find help before it's too late.
"Let me know if it gets uncomfortable and I'll adjust the backpack for you." Delilah tells him.
"I- It's okay." Big John weakly assures.
Desperately, Sarah applies as much pressure as she can to Big John's gunshot wound, hoping to control the bleeding and give them all enough time to find a doctor. But Delilah noticed the way that the man's breathing pattern has become more irregular as time passes; his chest rises up and down as he attempts to suck more air into his lungs, but, unfortunately, his breaths are only shallow because he is struggling to stay awake and hold on.
John B, on the other hand, is clinging onto the hope that his dad will be okay and will make it home alive. He sits down next to where Big John lays, refusing to even step five inches away. John B needs his father to know that he's always going to be there for him; family (blood or not) will forever look out for each other and be there when the other needs a shoulder to cry on.
"Dad, stay awake." John B pleads. "Hang in there, okay? We're going home."
"We did it together, my boy." Big John whispers.
"Yeah." John B quietly replies with a smile on his face. "Yeah, we did, Dad."
"Bird... Hey, hey, Bird..." Big John breathlessly says, taking his sons hand. "Sarah?"
"I'm here." Sarah softly reassures.
"Bird, you need to hang onto this one." Big John tells his son while he smiles at the blonde girl. "Don't let her go, okay?"
"I know, Dad." John B replies as he makes eye contact with his girlfriend. "I don't plan to."
"Delilah? JJ?" Big John calls.
"Yeah? We're right here." Delilah whispers.
"I'm so glad that you two are happy with each other. You both deserve it." Big John states.
"Thank you." JJ replies with a genuine smile.
"That means a lot." Delilah adds, gently. "Especially coming from you."
Big John weakly smiles as he stares at the teenagers, whom he has known since they were little kids. After everything that's happened in their lives, the man is happy that Delilah and JJ are able to find peace with each other — even if they continuously dive headfirst into chaos. Delilah and JJ smile back at Big John, the man who has done more for them than their own parents have ever done for them.
"Bird..." Big John begins as he then turns to look at his son once again. "I know that I wasn't any great shakes as a father—"
"No, don't. Stop." John B swiftly interrupts, shaking his head. "Please, Dad."
"But you... you were the best son that any man could hope for." Big John continues. "I want you to know that, Bird."
"You can tell me when we get home, okay?" John B whispers.
Without removing his hand from his fathers, John B reaches into his backpack and grabs a small piece of the gold. He gently sets it on top of his father's chest with a smile on his face. Big John's eyes travel down to the weight on his chest and stays there for a brief moment. But despite it being an achievement he has been working so hard for, he says nothing. Then, Big John's gaze drifts back over to his beloved son, who has remained by his side the entire time.
"Look, Dad. We did it." John B quietly states. "Dad, you did it."
"I'll see you at home, kid." Big John faintly whispers.
John B stares into his fathers eyes for the last time, continuing to cling onto his hand as if it's the only thing keeping him in this world. But it isn't, and the teenage boy is forced to watch as the light in his eyes slowly disappear before eventually fluttering closed. Then, Big John weakly sucks in his last breath before his chest stops rising up and down, the grip on his son's hand finally loosening.
"Dad?" John B quietly calls.
A deafening silence rings in their ears.
"Dad? Dad, please." John B begs. "Please don't leave me. We did it, Dad. Please."
Quiet sobs fill the air as salty tears begin to roll down John B's cheeks. He rests his forehead on his father's chest, ignoring how his tears are now falling onto the fabric of his shirt. The boys hand is still clutching Big John's as faint pleas slip past his trembling lips; he refuses to let go because it means accepting that his dad is actually gone this time, and he doesn't want to believe that just yet.
Delilah silently watches her best friend, the boy that she views as her brother, and feels her heart ache in pain as she helplessly listens to his sobs. Tears slide down her cheeks, unable to fight back the stinging sensation prickling in her eyes. Delilah believes that John B deserved to have more time with his father after only just getting him back, but she also knows that the world can work in cruel ways.
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Funerals are always sad, even when the ceremony is planned to be more lighthearted. The idea of death is terrifying because no one knows what awaits them in the afterlife, but everyone will always hope that it's a place where people can rest peacefully for eternity. As well as that, most people unfortunately don't get the chance to say their final goodbyes to their loved ones, which leaves some words left unsaid — some like to turn and talk to the sky when they're lonely, whilst others like to sit at the gravestone for hours.
The Pogues couldn't leave South America with Big John's dead body, but they also couldn't leave him behind without giving him a proper burial. So, they momentarily postponed their journey back to the Outer Banks to venture into the jungle, finding the perfect place that would allow Big John to peacefully rest for the rest of eternity.
With the use of the machetes, John B had carved 'Big John Routledge. Explorer + Father. RIP. P4L.' into the rough bark of the tree trunk. JJ kindly helped his best friend, wanting John B to know that they are all here for him and that he doesn't have to go through this alone. This is why, as they group stands in front of the tree, Delilah has her hand clutched in John B's as his other arm is wrapped around Sarah.
Next to Big John's memorial rests a small cross that is made out of twigs, belonging to Ward. A bouquet of flowers, which had been plucked from the nature around them, has been placed down on the ground in front of it. Along with that, a printed photograph of the Cameron family leans against the makeshift cross; the picture is from Midsummer's, which Lila assumes is the last time they were an actual happy family.
Sarah may have openly despised Ward's actions and thoughts, but he was still her father at the end of the day. When Sarah told them that she wanted to make him a small memorial, not one of the Pogues argued against the idea because they know that she has just lost family; they refuse to let their own emotions get in the way of their friend's mourning.
"Thank you for saving me." Sarah whispers under her breath. "I wish you took a different path where you didn't hurt everyone. One where you didn't hurt me."
Delilah stares at the memorials, overwhelmed by her own thoughts and emotions. Tears silently roll down her cheeks as her green eyes drift over to the carving of Big John's name. She shakily sucks in a breath, trying to keep herself calm before she breaks down sobbing within the next minute. They have already grieved for Big John once but to go through the process again after witnessing him die before their very eyes is too gut-wrenching.
All these deaths (and near death experiences from her best friends) have taken a huge toll on Delilah's mental health — as it would for anyone. A couple of months ago, she would have put up a wall and acted strong for the sake of her friends by continuously making jokes, but recently it's like she can't catch a break; the girl feels like she's now always the first to break, but none of them can exactly blame her after everything that has happened.
"Goodbye, Dad." John B whispers.
The sentence makes Delilah's heart shatter. Green eyes peel away from the memorials where she then looks up at John B, who is staring at the carvings he made with tears in his eyes. She gently squeezes the boys hand, which is still clutched in her own. A sad smile makes its way onto John B's face as he looks down at the redhead standing by his side.
"We're here for you, okay? Always." Delilah softly tells him.
"Thank you, Red. I appreciate it." John B replies. "I love you."
Delilah smiles. "I love you too, JB."
The redhead then leans over and reaches for Sarah's hand, listening to her soft sobs as tears stream down her cheeks. Delilah squeezes the blonde girls hand in hopes to reassure her, knowing that she, too, needs comfort. A small, weak smile tugs at the corners of Sarah's lips as her glossy brown eyes fall onto Lila.
"We're here for you too, Sarah." Delilah reminds with a whisper. "Please remember that."
"I appreciate it, Delilah." Sarah truthfully tells her.
Then, Delilah drops both of their hands so that they can just hold onto one another during this moment of time, grieving the loss of their fathers. She flashes them both a reassuring smile before leaving John B's side. Green eyes drift between each of her friends as they quietly stand there out of respect, then her gaze finally settles onto JJ, who is standing the furthest away.
JJ is quick to wrap his arms around Delilah, feeling her arms immediately snake around his torso as she then buries her face in chest. Tears continue to roll down Delilah's cheeks, but JJ doesn't care if it soaks into his shirt, just wanting to hold his girl during this time. His thumb rubs against Ly's bare arm, trying to provide some comfort for her.
"Hey, J?" Delilah whispers, hearing the boy hum in response. "Are you okay?"
"Not right now, but I will be." JJ truthfully tells her, holding her closer. "What about you? Are you okay?"
Delilah shakes her head. "No, not really."
"I know, it's okay." JJ reassures. "I'm right here, angel. I've got you."
JJ's tone is so soft, as it always is when he speaks to his girlfriend. His actions are always gentle, wanting Delilah to be comfortable and to reassure her that he is there for her, whether she just wants him to hold her or if she wants to talk about it. And Delilah will always do the same for him too; she loves it because it shows how much they care about each other.
"I'm scared to lose one of you next." Delilah quietly admits.
"You won't." JJ replies, almost as if he is trying to convince himself too. "We've come this far already and I refuse to let any of you die on my watch."
Delilah shifts her head to look at her boyfriend, who she is still clinging onto. She finds that his softened eyes are already locked on her. JJ doesn't remove his arms from around Delilah, but he raises a hand and gently cups her face, using the pads of his thumb to brush away her fallen tears.
"We will be okay from here on." JJ reassures. "We're going back home after this, it's okay."
Delilah simply nods in response, slightly leaning into JJ's touch as he wipes away the final tear. He smiles down at her, which only makes her smile back at him because she finds his smile and laugh so contagious. The blond's heart warms at the sight of this, feeling better at the knowledge he is able to cheer Delilah up even during an emotional time.
"Thank you for always being there for me." Delilah whispers.
"You don't need to thank me for that, angel. I love you, and that's why I do it." JJ softly tells her.
Delilah smiles. "I love you, J. So, so much."
Even with all of the love that the couple and friends have for one another, the world can be full of hatred when they step out of their little comfort bubble and are forced to face the harsh reality once more. This is exactly why Delilah will never be able to get over the fact that they are still only teenagers and have been through so much already.