'Wake up'
'Wake up Claire.'
'WAKE UP CLAIRE!' Randall screamed in my face.
I shot up, my eyes searching frantically at my surroundings around me. My breathing was heavy, my body feeling sticky with sweat and hay covering me. "Randall," I called out, my voice shaky. I looked around frantically --I was imagining it again. He isn't here. He's dead. "Dammit," I hissed. Get a hold of yourself freak.
Randall isn't real. Your mother isn't real. Dale is not real. Stop being such a mental case you pathetic human being.
I shut my eyes, willing myself to hold back the tears that clouded my vision. It's okay. You're alive. Keep trying. After a few deep breathes I opened my eyes, my eyes landing on all the hay around me. Where am I? Where is the others? I stood up, dragging my feet carefully over to the edge of the top of the barn, my eyes widening at the walkers at the bottom.
They snarled loudly at the sight of me, their grimy hands reaching up towards me. There was no way they were going to reach me --but how did I get up here? Where is Glenn? Carl? Anybody? My eyes frantically searched the few walkers at the bottom of the barn, my heart feeling like it wasn't pumping like it should as I stared hard at each walkers face.
Not one of them. Not Glenn. Not someone from the group. There not down there.
They got away then. But why was I left and why was I up here? Why was I abandoned? Why was I left to face this world alone?
Tears welled up in my eyes as I glared down at the walkers. I was alone. Alone in a barn with no weapons and no support.
Alone again. Everyone leaves you in the end. You're a walking paradox. Crowds don't make you happy, but being alone kills you. You can only have one or the other Claire, what did you expect?
'You need to get out of here,' Dale whispered, his words laced with worry.
I shook my head, pulling my jacket off and tying it around my waist. "You aren't even real," I accused softly. "You can't help me here."
I turned my head --my eyes deceiving me as I stared at the shadowy figures of Dale and my mother. They were both looking at me sadly; like they figured I gave up already. But I haven't. I'm still here. I'm still breathing. There's obviously a reason I'm still surviving.
"I can handle it from here," I promised. "You guys don't have to keep watch of me anymore."
'It's my job Claire.'
I shook my head once again, turning away from them as I took hesitant steps towards the barn window, my feet dragging reluctantly under me. I need to get my mind back. I need to be sane. I had to find the group. I need them. Otherwise I'll really go insane. I stopped at the window, slowly turning back around to find Dale and my mother gone.
I smiled softly to myself, turning around slowly. This is me taking control of my own life now. This is me gaining my own sanity back. This is me finding my own pathway in this world.
I swung my legs out the window, tapping around until I felt the ledge of the barn before climbing out the rest of the way. I took a deep breathe, my attention on all the walkers outside of the barn. Where the hell did they all come from?
'Jump,' Randall urged.
"Go away," I cried. Why was he still here? "I can do this on my own Randall."
'You're weak. You need my help. Jump.'
My hands gripped onto the window ledge behind me, my feet barely fitting on the small wooden ledge outside of the window. I carefully leaned forward, my eyes widening at the drop. "How am I going to do this?" I whispered.
'Jump!' Randall yelled.
I yelped as he reached out to me with his pale fingers, his mouth open in a snarl with blood spilling out. My hands let go of the window ledge unwilling --my eyes squeezing shut as the ground below me awaited my fall. I landed with a soft thud, making me open my eyes in surprise to see I fell straight into a bundle of hay. I tilted my head up back to the window, confusion crossing my facial expression as Randall peered down at me with a thumbs up.
How'd he know the hay would be down here?
I didn't get to think much of it before I heard the disgusting moans of the walkers around the barn. I quickly scrambled out of the hay and took off for the woods surrounding the barn. I mentally cursed myself as my bare feet got poked and jabbed with just about everything, but I didn't stop. I couldn't if I wanted to live.
~~~
I pushed the large front door of the house I found open, stopping once I was under the door frame. I knocked on the wall besides the steps; holding my breathe as I listened for any sign of walkers. I didn't move a step until I was sure nothing was going to come out grabbing for me. I shut the door behind me and rushed over to the large table by the stairs that had mail all over it. I huffed as I pushed it towards the door, the wood of the table scraping against the marble of the floor in a annoying way.
"There," I sighed. I let my shoulders slump as I wiped my hands on the back of my jeans. Taking a step back to make sure the table was pushed up against the door just right. "I'll rest here and get a move on again tomorrow," I whispered to myself.
I slowly turned around, my eyes scanning over the messy house. Trash and clothes were scattered all around the small one story house, blood covering up and down most of the walls, and dust clouding up what little light I had in the disgusting place.
Find candles. Clothes. Maybe some food and water. I mentally did a check list in my head as I took slow steps towards the other rooms of the house. I stopped at the first door, swinging it open --immediately gagging at the foul smell that hit me smack in the face. I covered my mouth and nose with the sleeve of my jacket. I'd rather opt to smell the stench of weeks of dirty sweat and blood then what's in this room.
I squinted my eyes, the smell actually starting to burn them. I frowned, my shoulders slumping as my eyes landed on the three dead corpses in the large bed. It looked to be a mom and a pop, a small child in between them. They took the easy way out.
"May you rest in peace," I whispered faintly.
I shut the door, turning around and leaning my back against it as I took in deep breathes and exhaled slowly. You could opt out right now Claire. Just find the gun in that room and put a bullet through your skull.
'No one would miss you,' Randall sneered.
I closed my eyes, shaking my head. "Go away" I whispered. "Just go away. Just leave me the fuck alone..."
It was deadly silent as I kept my eyes shut, my fist balled at my sides. I didn't need his snide comments right now. I didn't need the voices in my head taunting me. I don't want to be pushed over the edge, not when I have to get back to my group. I opened my eyes, looking around carefully before pushing myself off the door. I took a few more steps to the next door, swinging it open to find a closet as I concentrated on the task at hand.
Clothes. Thank goodness. I quickly rummaged through the things hanging up, grabbing the backpack off the shelf and tossing whatever clothes I thought would fit inside of it. Once I got at least enough to have 3 extra things to change into, I dropped the backpack --rummaging through the remainder of the clothes. I pulled a green t-shirt out and some pretty baggy denim jeans. I pulled the clothes I had on off and replaced it with what I picked out before dropping down to my knees to look at the shoes as I slipped my leather jacket Daryl got me back on.
I grabbed the size closet to mine, half a size bigger, and tugged on the biker boots. Once I was finished, I zipped the backpack up and stood up with it in my hands. Okay. Got clothes. Now to look for food and water. Hopefully there's something here. I slowly crept my way to the back of the house, freezing short in my steps as cold wind blew in from the open backdoor.
"Shit," I hissed. I rushed to the back door, sliding it shut and locking it; pulling the curtain shut also. I spun around quickly, on high alert as I looked for any intruders. Good damn it Claire, why didn't you check all the doors around the house first. I mentally cursed myself as I frantically looked around. I didn't need a walker bothering me now. Or worse, another survivor.
I took a deep breathe after figuring out I was still safe. No need to over react now Claire. Finish your search and get some sleep. I walked over to the small kitchen, my mood instantly dropping at the sight of the open cabinets. They all looked cleaned through. Whatever.
I searched through the cabinets and draws, only finding a small pack of Ritz crackers and a can of beans; along with 2 half full water bottles. I stuffed them into the backpack, grabbing the lighter and candle off of the counter too. If I wasn't too careful, I'd say someone has been here before. Someone other than the dead family in that bedroom.
But of course no one was here, I checked every room and locked the front and back door.