Monaco last year didn't exactly go Charles' way. He ended up being so disappointed, but this year he had good hopes. You can't have three bad years in a row, right?
The week was packed. My parents flew down to watch Charles race. I had asked them to stay with us in the apartment, but they wanted to stay with Pascale, because Pascale Gasly was staying there. Sophie, Max and Evie's mom, stayed in their guest room. We thought that meant we weren't going to have any guests during the weekend. Charles' aunt and her husband were coming to the race, and since it was pretty crowded at the house, they stayed with us.
Though, they weren't really at the apartment during the days. They went to the house to spend time with Pascale while Charles and I had our other things. I practiced, both my solo and with Evie, and we went to the gym together like normal. But then came Thursday, which was their media day. It was the day before the race weekend and you could really tell that people were getting excited. There were so many famous people in such a small place. Better not wear your sunglasses, because someone will assume you're famous and take pictures just in case.
Charles was incredibly busy. He did an interview and a quick photoshoot on his boat, rushed back to the apartment to pick me up, and we had to attend a dinner for one of his sponsors. People talked to him all night, and at first I thought it was going to be awkward, because I would just stand to the side, but people talked as much to me, asking about the cars as if I would know them equally as well. I could talk about the rules of the sport and some about strategies, but when it came to the motors and such, I had no clue.
Friday was the first day of the race weekend. I did my makeup and got dressed in the outfit Dior had sent me. I had gotten a nice white corset top with a blue pattern on it. The straps were a bit wider, and I matched the top with light washed jeans. I put on white shoes and got a white Dior purse they had sent me. I left my hair out and we went downstairs and got into the car to get to the paddock.
Charles was excited, smiling the whole time as people waved from the sides of the streets. His face was on different billboards and he was positive that it would go his way this year. We were stopped at a red light right in front of a big billboard with his face on it, so I filmed a video of him looking at himself and posted it on Instagram.
At the paddock it got crazy. People were shouting and screaming for him like crazy and I tried my best to help him out to sign as much as possible. I heard people talking to me too, but I focused a little more on helping him, and then we made it inside the paddock where the endless clicking of cameras went off. They asked him about the weekend and he kept giving thumbs up as his answers. People greeted him happily as he walked in, because everyone knows how special this race is to him and I think most of us are praying he gets a good race.
Evie came in with Pierre, Max and her mother. Even though I've been back in Monaco for two years, meeting Evie regularly, I haven't actually met her mother when she's been here. When I saw them walk in, Charles was already busy preparing for the practice session, so I went over to them. Sophie saw me and her eyes widened before she smiled widely.
"Céline!" she exclaimed as she pulled me into a tight hug, "It's been at least five or six years since I saw you last!"
"We keep missing each other," I laughed over her shoulder before she pulled me back to get a good look at me. She looked to be aging better than wine.
Evie and I kept Sophie company until all of the other moms came in. I hadn't really had the chance to meet my parents when they got to Monaco, so it was the first time seeing them since they arrived. My parents hugged me tightly, asking me if it was stressful. Pierre's mother also hugged me, since he hadn't seen me in nearly a year.
Charles joined us to greet all the parents as well, soon enough Pierre too. But only so that they could drag us with them. Charles held my hand as he guided me through the paddock, to all the places he had to be in, even if he didn't need me there. It's always different during the Monaco race, it's like his routine changes, and I guess now he wants me everywhere with him. I looked up at the balconies, seeing different celebrities having drinks and looking out onto the track and the action happening below them.
He brought me with him to change, and then we found Andrea so that he could warm up. I sat on the side, watching him get all sweaty, while Joris snapped random pictures every here and there. When that was done, it was time for him to get into the car, so I joined our parents and now also Arthur and Lorenzo in the box, putting headphones on as we watched the first practice session, and later the second session.
The first day in the paddock was finished, but we got home and had to leave again. I had a little time to add some more makeup and get changed into the dress I was wearing, and then we left for the Amber Lounge. All the drivers were there, along with some girlfriends. Charles and Pierre were assigned to the same dressing room, so Evie and I could laugh at them as they practiced their runway walks. They went to get some makeup on before they came back to get ready for the evening. I adjusted his tie and the collar on his shirt, as he looked in the mirror.
When he sat down to put his shoes on, Joris snapped a photo of us. I was just watching him as he put the shoes on, and I had seen a photo like that before. It looked very similar to a photo of Jules getting ready for the fashion show, with his girlfriend sitting next to him. I smiled as he showed it to me and I asked him to send it to me.
Together we went on the mat laid out for the entrance of the drivers. Isa was there, so was Carmen, Lily and Elena. They all took their pictures, with each other, by themselves and then with us. They also got a photo of all the girls together. You know... the better looking group. They were interviewed, and then they went backstage to prepare for the actual catwalk.
While the boys went backstage, we were seated in the front row so that we could laugh at them and let them know we were laughing at them. The music started and one by one they came out, walking in their suits, smiling for photos, waving to some people they knew. But not Max, he refused to smile and he looked like he wanted to absolutely kill Evie and I when we got our phones out to film him walking with his straight face, making him look like he wanted to drown in the pool nearby.
We filmed the other boys too, but unlike Max, they looked like they tried to hold back a laugh. Daniel couldn't deal with it and started dancing on the runway. Pierre looked to kind of enjoy it, and Lewis took it the most serious ever. He walked that runway like it was a high fashion brand he was working for. Like he could be walking for Versace. But right after the drivers had walked, it was time for the real models to walk, and suddenly the drivers looked even more stupid. There was live music, more models, some in wonderful dresses and some in swimwear.
Afterwards we had to wait for dinner, and there was more mingling with old finance men. The men talked to Charles and left their wives to talk to me. Some of them asked if we were thinking about children and then looked horrified when I told them I was only nineteen so it would probably have to wait another ten years. In their time they apparently had kids early to 'get more time with them' and so on. But then there were some ladies that just told me to stay away from children completely, they cost more than you may think.
I escaped when I saw Evie and Elena around one of the tall tables and I walked over, with every step wishing that I could take my heels off already. I placed my glass on the table and let out a heavy sigh. Without saying anything, Elena took a flask out of her purse and poured some of it into my glass. I chuckled and drank some, trying not to flinch from how strong it became.
"How many children do you want after this?" Elena asked and I let out a laugh as I looked around at all the older women I had talked to about babies.
"None," I replied.
"Apparently they cost more than I've made in my nearly twenty years of life," Evie said, rolling her eyes before taking a sip, grimacing just slightly from the alcohol.
"You met her too?" I asked, looking around the room for the lady who told me about all the expenses of having a child. But then, she has to be talking about having a kid in Monaco, which is significantly more expensive than most other places in the world.
We looked around, fancy people in expensive looking clothing. Models and their husbands or other family, the drivers, some famous people and a lot of models hanging around each other. Some of the drivers seemed to struggle to keep their eyes away.
"There are Victoria's secret models here," Lily said as she showed up beside me. Elena got her flask out and held it out for Lily, she nodded and moved her glass forward to let her pour some into her glass.
"I saw that," Carmen says, showing up behind Lily, also putting her glass on the table so Elena keeps pouring into her glass as well. "Really keeps the confidence up."
"You're gorgeous," I say to her, not going to let her talk down on herself when she's gotten in such a nice dress, fixed her hair and is fighting the pain of heels to be here.
"Stunning," Evie agrees and the other girls start complimenting each other as well, making sure to point out shoes, earrings, dresses or whatever. I really like these girls being so nice and supportive all the time.
Isa eventually joined us as well, sighing and grunting, rolling her eyes a little as she adjusted her shoes on her feet. Now, don't get us wrong. It's fun to dress up. It feels good to give to charity. It's the whole walking around and casually trying to make small talk with people you never would have talked to otherwise. Older people who you have nothing in common with. In this case it's not like we'd even dare to approach any celebrities, and the models felt almost like celebrities. We were only there because of our boyfriends and they talked to some important sports or finance people who we have nothing to do with. So yes, it's for a good cause and we shouldn't complain, but this one particular event feels more like a duty to be at after the boys are off the runway.
But we were seated for dinner. Charles, Pierre, Evie, Max, Alex and Lily were all seated together at one table. The other girls were at the table next to us, so at least they weren't far. The dining hall was lit up in purple and we were served dinner and some drinks while they auctioned out some high-priced items for charity.
And after that, I finally got to go home and take my heels off. Charles carried me on his back to the car, and then from the car to the apartment. When we got in, his aunt and her husband were on the couch watching a movie and both stopped us to take pictures of us for his mother before we got to go to bed. I crashed onto the bed and let Charles undress me like I was a mannequin because I was that tired.
Saturday is qualifying day. It's the same saga again. This time getting up, doing my makeup, putting on a white minidress with a tiny t-shirt sleeve. It wasn't too tight, not too flowy, and I matched it with one of the Dior scarves in my hair and another little bag. Charles made a comment saying I look like I'm going to a country club.
We got there. Fans. Cameras. Talking to the girls and then meeting up with the family to stand in the box during the first session of the day. Arthur and I were a bit too hyped, which we often get when we're around both families. The whole dynamic we used to have as kids just comes back and we can't behave. We did end up on TV just as Arthur and I were doing something that caused my mother to move me away from Arthur as she told us both off. Yeah... you can guess if that circulated the internet.
Before qualifying, Charles came up to me in the box. He told me to give him all the luck I could as he held out his fist. I bumped it and kissed him and told him he was going to do fine and then he was in the car. I held tightly onto my dad for the duration of the session. He was close to being kicked out in Q1, got a better time and kept bettering as other people did so too. He was in the top three, then got kicked down, then he was number one for a longer time and I prayed that he'd get pole, but just as Q3 was about to end, he got kicked down to P2 by Lewis. It's still in the front row.
While all the other family members went home after qualifying, Arthur stayed behind with me to keep me company while waiting for Charles. We ran into Sophie again, who hadn't seen Arthur in ages either so she was very happy to run into him.
Charles did his interviews, he was in briefings forever, so Arthur and I sat at the now empty balcony like we had in the year before. We watched as the paddock was clearing, and all the rich people and celebrities returned to their yachts to party a little before race day. Arthur did the usual of telling me what people are saying online. Apparently the podcast made me seem nice and funny, people thought the additional media exposure made them 'realize' how sweet I am, and there were photos from the Amber Lounge the night before that got a lot of the same comment; 'I didn't really like them together, but this made me rethink it' and for what reason, I don't know. Joris had posted the photo I liked of Charles and I when he was getting ready, and people had been quick to see the resemblance with the photo of Jules from years ago.
Arthur only tells me the good things, though, which is why I never know if people actually hate me or love me on the internet. At this point I'm too tired to care. I'm staying away from it, and I'll let Arthur tell me the good things, because Charles once said that I choose to see the bad instead of the good that they say about me, so now I choose to only see the good instead and maybe I can rebuild some fucking confidence soon.
"Non!" was what woke me up on Sunday morning. I looked over at Charles' side of the bed and saw it was empty, so I turned around and saw him by the window where he had pulled the curtains open to let the morning light in.
"Quoi?" I asked him as I rolled over, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
"L'appli dit qu'il va pleuvoir," The app says it's going to rain, he whined, showing me his phone screen that said there would be rain. Though, it also said it was supposed to rain at the very moment, which it wasn't. I pushed his phone out of my face and sat up, keeping the blanket over my chest.
"Le soleil est sorti," The sun is out, I argued, but he seemed to have already stressed himself out about the rain and was now very upset as he sat down, on my legs, and continued looking at his phone with a disappointed look on his face.
But I got up, I got ready, this time in the final outfit that I really looked forward to wearing. It's Monaco race day and I had a Dior dress. It was tight over my stomach and from there went up covering my chest and then went over my shoulders, making it look like a deep V-neck. The skirt was kind of layered, and it ended on my mid thigh. It was white with some light blue floral pattern all over it. I put my hair up in a bun in my neck and was just about to get my purse I had picked out when I looked out the window and it was indeed pouring down.
I guess it was time to get my raincoat out. So I got my longer, white one out and then went to find Charles in the kitchen. He was ready to go but he seemed so upset about the rain. Some people like rain races, but when you're in the front row and you want a secure chance, you don't want it to rain. Whatever can happen, and those are not odds that Charles wants.
But I grabbed an umbrella and we made our way to the paddock. I kept an extra Ferrari cap fastened to my purse for him and I held the umbrella as he signed and took pictures. Then we walked through all the cameras at the entrance. I followed Charles into the garage instead of looking for someone to talk to until the race. I sat in the box, waiting for Arthur, Lorenzo and our parents to get there, and when they did, they said it was pouring down like they wanted the ocean to swallow the entire city.
They did the whole driver parade, everyone with umbrellas and jackets. And then they stood there for the national anthem. But when it was time for the race, it was raining too much so they delayed it. A safety car was sent out to check the conditions, and Charles was getting more and more frustrated. His car was on the starting grid under a tent, and he came to sit down in the garage. I got out of the box and joined him.
"Ce morceau me déteste," this track hates me, he muttered, pulling his gloves off his hands so he can start to try and get the helmet off. He gets it off and then he pulls the balaclava off as well. I grab his hand and hold it in mine for a moment.
"Ce n'est pas," It does not, I shook my head, "C'est une coïncidence stupide et méchante," It's a stupid and wicked coincidence, I said to try to make him feel better.
We sit there for a while, watching the race get postponed over and over due to the weather. It doesn't seem to get any drier and it doesn't seem to be stopping soon either. Charles talked to mechanics, he waited around, he went around talking to some other drivers and he sat with me to complain and I let him complain as much as he wanted to. He talked to our parents and his aunt, just doing anything to make the time pass.
While Charles was talking to some mechanics, Seb joined me where I was sitting alone on the many chairs in the garage. He sighed and looked out at the dark sky, shaking his head.
"You're leaving Ferrari?" I asked, considering it was my first chance to talk to him during the whole weekend. I had seen him, said hi to him in passing, but not actually gotten the chance to speak to him about it.
"I've been here long enough, don't you think?" He said, smiling even though I didn't really find it funny. I think it's so sad to see him leave. "Oh come on, Céline, don't pout."
"I'm not pouting," I replied, shaking my head that was leaning on my hand, propped up by my elbow on the back of the chair. "But where are you going? You're not leaving, are you?"
"No, I'm going to negotiate some contracts," He said and I felt calmer knowing he's not going to leave Ferrari completely. "Charles is one of the best drivers on the grid, I feel like I might be getting a little too old to compete with that," He laughed as he nudged me.
"Stop it, Sebastian, you're thirty-three years old," I scoffed, using the back of my hand to gently slap his shoulder. "Charles still looks up to you."
Seb smiled, looking down and he looked to be blushing a little. He's found it harder to take compliments recently, he just doesn't know how to respond to them. But he put a hand on my shoulder as he stood up from the chair and then he looked further into the garage, toward the box where people were sitting around waiting for news about the race.
"Are your parents here?" He asked. I looked over my shoulder and saw them, so I nodded in response. "The ones sitting next to Charles' older brother, right?" He asked and I nodded again, so he made his way over to the box.
I watched as he leaned over the box to talk to them, and my mom hugged him while my dad put a hand on his shoulder. They talked for a while and then Seb had to go back to his racing things. But it didn't take long before Charles came into the room, unzipping his race suit. I stood up and followed him into the garage, to the little place where he keeps his helmets and stuff. He sits down in the little seating area for him and he starts to untie his shoes.
"La course est suspendue, la météo ne s'améliore pas," The race is suspended, the weather does not improve, he said with so much disappointment in his voice.
"Je suis désolé, mon amour," I'm sorry, my love, I said. It's hard to know what to say, because he just didn't get to race. It's not like it's in anyone's control, but it must really suck to be excited for your homerace every year and have it fuck up every single time. It's been going on since before Formula 1, even.
But people started leaving, and our parents also knew he was really upset about it, but he tried to pretend like it wasn't that big of a deal. He took his time to get out of there. He wanted as many people as possible to be gone when he left, so I waited with him for as long as he wanted to.
We got back to the apartment, and luckily his aunt had gone to Pascale's house, because the apartment was empty which allowed Charles to be as moody as he wanted to. But he knew his weekend wasn't over, because it was still the Amber Lounge in the evening. So he was already picking out something to wear, he asked me what we were going to do with food, if I wanted to eat out or if we were making something, maybe order in.
"Ralentissez, nous ne sommes pas pressés," slow down, we're in no rush, I shook my head as I approached him. I put my hands on his shoulders to turn him to me and then I let them slide down to his chest. It made Charles let out a breath and he looked at me for a moment before putting his hands on my hips. "Je sais que ça craint que tu ne puisses pas courir, mais ce sera tellement mieux quand tu arriveras à courir," I know it sucks that you couldn't race, but it'll be so much better when you actually get to race.
"Je sais, que je suis juste amer," I know, I'm just bitter, he said before kissing my forehead.
"Nous devrions prendre un bain avant d'aller n'importe où," We should have a bath before we go anywhere, I suggest and a smirk goes up his face as he seems to like the idea. He nods slowly and I nod back as I go to grab our robes from the bathroom.
"Pouvons-nous faire cette chose que vous mettez sur nos visages," Can we do that thing you put on our faces, he yelled from the bedroom, and I held back a laugh as I took my facemask with me back into the bathroom.
After the bath I did my makeup and I dress in a black minidress and a black leather jacket that's basically as long as my dress, and I wear the boots Pascale got me for my birthday, that she managed to clean after I had to walk through sand to get out of the ocean that Arthur and Charles threw me into.
When we stepped out on the street to take a walk to the Amber Lounge, since we're both drinking, it was only drizzling. The streets were still soaking wet, but it wasn't pouring from the sky anymore. So I could have left my hair down instead of fighting it to look good in my ponytail, but oh well I guess.
There's no press allowed inside the Amber Lounge after party. There are just drivers, team principals, friends of drivers, mechanics, people that are related to the Grand Prix weekend. It was already rowdy when we walked in, and the very first thing we saw was Lando abusing the DJ over by the booth. Well, he looked like he really wanted to dry his stuff.
Evie walked in shortly after us, with Max and Pierre following her. We left the three boys together and went to look for Elena, Isa, Carmen and Lily, who were together at a table. We ordered drinks at the bar and took them with us to the table. They asked how Charles was feeling and I admitted that he was upset about not getting to race. He hasn't finished a single Monaco race yet.
About an hour of drinking later, I heard, "Cece!" coming from somewhere in the club. I looked around for Charles and couldn't really see him. Well, until I saw him being tossed into the air by people in the crowd. He was wet and I wondered when the hell that had happened.
"What happened to him?" Isa asked as I stood up and started to walk over to see what the fuck is going on. I try to keep my eyes on him, and he's struggling past people to get to me.
As soon as he got out of the crowdiest part, he walked up to me, grabbed my face and kissed me with his wet face as he sucked in a sharp breath. He stopped kissing me and then continued peppering them all over my face while still holding onto me very tightly. I could smell the champagne he was showered in, and I knew it was going to get sticky eventually. He seemed like he had already gotten a lot down and he wasn't exactly looking at me very well.
"Arthur est là aussi ! Viens," Arthur is here too! Come, he said before he grabbed my arm and began pulling me toward where he just came from, and soon we did see Arthur, a lot more sober than Charles, but not exactly against pouring more alcohol into Charles as he quickly handed Charles a bottle of champagne.
"Il ne va pas travailler correctement ce soir, désolé," He's not going to work properly tonight, sorry, Pierre said as he helped Charles hold the gigantic bottle of champagne up. I furrowed my brows and he looked down before looking back up again.
"Je dirai à Evie que tu as dit ça," I'm going to tell Evie you said that, I say as I take the bottle from both of them to have a few gulps of it myself. I refuse to be the sober one around a bunch of shitfaced people. Pierre looked terrified at me because of the Evie comment and I had to hold back a laugh for that.
Charles doesn't really drink that much, not to get drunk anyway, since he needs to stay in shape for racing. But that doesn't count for Monaco. Everyone and their mother is allowed to drink after the Monaco Grand Prix, so that's exactly what we did. The girls joined us, we sang, danced, threw people in the air, sprayed so much champagne it could've payed a month's rent and when it was time for karaoke, Evie and I were the first ones there to sing. We chose a One Direction song, only because we were in a room filled with mainly men, and seeing them all drunkenly sing their hearts out to One Direction really was something.
We just got more and more drunk, all of us, but I made the decision to call it a night when I saw Charles agreeing to do a shoey. I did manage to stop him right before, but I knew he was too drunk if he had even considered it. So I dragged him, and Arthur, who was abusing the DJ with Lando, out of there and the three of us attempted to walk home.
Arthur kept singing One Direction, Charles played air guitar, and I struggled to walk in my high-heeled boots. I stopped to take them off, too drunk and tired to care that the streets were still wet. But Charles and Arthur noticed and stopped me from taking my shoes off. So they lifted me up so I was sitting between them with one leg on either of their shoulders, and they held me steadily, but I was absolutely sure they were going to drop me and begged for them to let me down.
They let me down after three minutes of me shouting at them over and over to let me down. But they just started carrying me a different way. Charles held my arms, Arthur held my legs and they tried to carry me all the way to the apartment. They nearly dropped me a few times, which hurt, but not as much as if they would've dropped me from their shoulders.
We got into the apartment and I ordered Arthur to just crash on the couch. Their aunt could get a nice surprise of a hungover Arthur on the couch in the morning. But he was too drunk to get home by himself... so what choice did he have?
//
Just in case you didn't see the post I made on my board... I can't write as often as I used to because of some very frequent 48 hours interval migraines. It makes me unable to be in school most days of the week which means I have some work to do at home when I'm not sleeping off migraines or is all weird bc of my medicine. I graduate in June, so I kind of don't want it to affect my schoolwork too much.
However(!!) this will not stop me from posting completely, but I can't post every day like I have been doing. My goal is at least 2 times a week, maybe more, because usually I have on average 3 days without migraines a week.
Take care of you <3