As always, I would be delighted to receive comments and votes.
Have fun reading. <3
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[POV Louis]
Sighing, I smooth out my t-shirt as I stand in front of the full-length mirror in our room, getting ready for Zayn's Halloween party. I don't want to go there. I really don't. But still, I have to if I don't want to be outed. Don't get me wrong, at some point I want to be free in front of everyone, but right now is just not the time.
"Hey Boo, I brought you your favourite chocolate and chips," Harry says as he enters the room and closes the door behind him. Grinning, he looks up at me, our eyes meeting in the mirror. "Oh, I thought we were going to put on something comfy to watch a movie?" he asks, a little confused, letting his gaze slide over my body. I take a deep breath and turn to him. His smile starts to disappear, he probably suspects something. "I'm sorry, Haz," I start and walk towards him, only to wrap my arms around his waist a moment later. "What are you sorry for?" he wants to know with his eyebrows drawn together.
"Zayn has this Halloween party I was invited to a few days ago," I go on. It's a pure lie and I don't know why I don't tell my boyfriend the truth. "I'd love to go there." Silence. I watch Harry's reaction closely and see his facial expression change, his smile no longer even faintly visible and the sparkle of joy that was in his eyes when he entered the room is now completely gone. "Oh." he mumbles now, forcing a smile on his face that makes your heart tighten painfully just watching him.
Sighing, I exhale and brush a curl behind his ear. "I'm sorry, Love," I say softly and go to plant a kiss on his lips, but before I reach them, he turns his head to the side and my lips land on his cheek. Confused, I look at him. "Are you okay?", I want to know from him and Harry gives me a smile that couldn't have been more fake. "What should be wrong ?" he asks with his lips pressed together and puts the pile of sweets, most of them my favourite, on the bed. "I'm sorry-" I start again, but am stopped from continuing by Harry's punishing look.
"Have fun with your friends, I'm going to make myself comfortable alone with a movie and sweets," he replies offended and crawls onto his half of the bed to snuggle into the blanket, open a bag of the gummy bears and turn on the TV. "Don't you have a party to go to ?" he asks after a few minutes of me watching him. I mumble in agreement and go up to him to give him a kiss. This time too, he prevents a kiss by stuffing some Haribos in his mouth. So I press my lips to his forehead and whisper an "I love you", which he returns with a rather half-hearted "Me too."
With narrowed eyebrows, I leave the room and go downstairs, where I put on my shoes. Before I head out, I glance into the living room where the rest of the family has gathered to watch a movie. Before they see me, I quickly walk out and make my way to Zayn's house, where the party I really don't want to go to is taking place.
Why can't I just admit that I like men and women don't stand a chance with me ? Why haven't I told Harry what's been going on for the last two weeks ?
To be honest, I don't have an exact answer to my questions. I only know that I am destroying everything and I have to tell my curly head about Chris and the pictures. He would have understood me. I'm sure he would have understood why I'm going to the party right now, with me promising him a movie night. Damn, he was so looking forward to it. He even had my mum buy my favourite sweets. What a bad boyfriend I am! You could see how much it just hurt Harry that I'm going to this stupid party that I didn't want to go to anyway.
Before I can think about it any further, I'm standing outside Zayn's house. There are cobwebs hanging everywhere and carved pumpkins are outside the front door. Loud music blares out from inside and lone people are in the front garden. I really don't want this. I just want to go to Harry's, snuggle under a duvet with him, eat unhealthy stuff and watch a film of his choice. Of course, I wouldn't have watched a horror movie if I knew Harry didn't like them.
Before I can change my mind, I feel a presence next to me. Chris. Just like me, he's not dressed up, which relieves me a little because I was afraid everyone would be dressed up and I wouldn't be. But as quickly as the relief came, it fades again and uncertainty spreads. I wrap my arms around my stomach, bite my lower lip and kick a pebble away. "Louis, glad you could make it," he grins spitefully. I swallow and stare up at him. But I don't say anything. Maybe I should. Maybe I can prevent the drama that is coming my way.
"Chris?" I almost whisper, which makes him raise his eyebrow in surprise. "Tommo, what's the matter ? Afraid of the big moment?" he laughs and wraps an arm around my shoulder. I push him away from me and clear my throat before answering him. "Isn't there another way for you not to publish the photos?", I ask him almost pleadingly. Amused, he looks down at me and just shakes his head. "Come on, Chris. I'll do anything you want !", I ask him, which makes him stop this time. "Anything ?" he asks with raised eyebrows and a slight smirk on his face. I nod and look at him urgently. He seems to be really thinking about what I said and I hope he'll go for it and I won't have to pretend Eleanor is my girlfriend. There wouldn't be any drama between my curly-head and me either.
"A blow job too?" he wants to know bluntly, catching me off guard. "I- no.", I stammer and look at him confused. "It was worth a try," he says with a shrug, still grinning. "I meant something like I'll do your homework for a month," I begin, not even wanting to say my next suggestion. "Or I step down from the captaincy and you take over," I offer him wistfully. He stares at me with wide eyes. He knows as much as I do how much this post means to me and how much I have worked to become captain. And it breaks my heart because football means everything to me. It's always been the distraction I need when I'm having a bad day or when I'm running away from something.
"You wouldn't do that," my counterpart mumbles, still staring at me in disbelief. If he knew what I would do for Harry and our baby. Just coming out is a bit too far for me right now, because I'm not ready for it yet. "Otherwise I wouldn't have said it, would I?", I reply. With narrowed eyes he looks down at me and seems to be thinking and I hope it really works. I might have lost one of the most important things in my life, but I still have my Hazza and our sunshine by my side. "I'll leave the team altogether for all I care and not accept any of the scholarships I've been offered," I sigh in exasperation, running a hand through my hair that probably looks like a bird has built its nest.
I'm damn serious about my words, even if I never wanted to say them. But if that's the only solution to all this drama, then I won't hesitate to make this one stop. There will be other opportunities for jobs after school. "This is your dream, Tommo," he presses on, looking puzzled. I press my lips together and try to make the burning in my eyes stop. I'm not going to start crying here now. Not in front of Chris. "Yes, but Harry and our child are more important to me and I know if I walk into this house and have to play Eleanor's boyfriend, just so you don't out me, that there will be consequences. Then I'll accept giving up my dream so you don't out me and I don't have to be with a girl either. My family is more important to me," I speak in a shaky voice and as tears really do flow their way down my cheeks, I can't stop myself from starting to cry. I am such a weakling.
I quickly turn away from Chris and wipe the warm liquid from my face. "Then why don't you come out of the closet if your family means everything to you." - "You know Chris, sometimes coming out isn't easy. I'm just not ready and you just forcing me to come out is honestly the worst thing anyone could do," I try to say in a strong voice, but I don't succeed. "Well then, it's no problem if you become Eleanor's boyfriend. I won't let you give up your dream," are his words before he leaves me standing and goes into the house.
So apparently I have no choice but to go through with it and hope Harry stays by my side. And I need alcohol, otherwise I won't survive this evening. That's why my first course also takes me to the kitchen, where I grab a beer and drink it at the drop of a hat. Before I leave the room, I take another bottle and then go in search of my friends. I used to like parties actually, but by now I'd rather be at home. With Harry. I'm pretty sure it's more exciting there than here.
I push my way through the sweaty bodies and find myself near the couch where I see Niall, Liam and Zayn sitting. Liam and Zayn each have an arm around a girl whose name I don't know. "Tommo !", the Irishman bawls and waves me over to him. "Long time no see," he mumbles. He has clearly had too much alcohol and as my gaze wanders to my other friends, I see their glazed eyes. Sighing, I drop down next to the Irishman, who snuggles up to me. When he's had too much to drink, he either gets super hyperactive or, as in this case, cuddly. "Where's your lover ?" he slurs, looking around. My heart stops for a moment. I just hope that Liam and Zayn haven't noticed.
"At home," I answer quietly, which he only nods and then hands me a mug that he has snatched from the table. "Here, this is for you. I knew you'd show up today," he chuckles. I eye the liquid in the cup suspiciously, but think nothing of it as I drink from it the next moment. "Bahhh !", I exclaim and pull my face together. "What's that ?", I ask Niall who turns to Zayn and Liam laughing. "Vodka.", Zayn replies with a smirk. "Vodka, straight ? No gay!" the blond calls out laughing and pats me on the shoulder. "Just what you need, Tommo," he laughs.
But when my features slip and I stare at him silently, he looks at me in confusion before opening his eyes in shock. "Good one Ni," Liam bursts out laughing. "Tommo and gay, I rather think not." - "That would be weird and gross too.", the Pakistani agrees, shaking himself in disgust. It hurts. Those words hurt, especially coming from my best friends. I knew why I didn't tell them about my sexuality. "Yeah, that's right," I try to join in the laughter, but the pain is clear to hear. Niall looks at me apologetically but also pityingly at the same time, which is why I just shake my head and get up to get more to drink.
When I return with another beer and more drinks for my friends, Chris, Adrian, Eleanor and some other of our classmates or teammates are sitting with them. I guess there's no turning back now. "Hey, babe.", Eleanor calls excitedly and comes stumbling towards me in her way too short dress and high heels. "Hi.", I say with my lips pressed together and before I can even move, she has pressed her lips to mine. I quickly break away from her and give her a half-hearted smile before sitting down next to the Irishman again. Of course she has to follow me like a dog and even sits on my lap. Since I make no suggestion of touching her, she takes my arm and puts it around her waist. I clearly need more alcohol or I won't survive this evening.
I try to avoid the Irishman's gaze, but I am of course aware that he will talk to me again later or tomorrow at the latest.
Over the next few hours, even more alcohol flows so that I am no longer really aware of my surroundings. At some point Eleanor has pulled me onto the dance floor and tried to kiss me at every opportunity, which I tried to avoid as much as I could, but my reaction time has definitely slowed down, which is why her lip gloss smeared lips have met mine. After a while I manage to get away from her, but I don't get far because she holds me by my wrist. "Come on, we're going to sing karaoke," she shouts over the music, which makes me give in and follow her. Our friends are already at the karaoke. Well, that could be something. Why did I get involved?
"Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran," I hear Eleanor shout to the guy in charge of the sound system before she hands me the microphone. Startled, I look to her. "No, we're singing Shape Of You," I shout quickly. Surely I'm not going to sing this song with her. This is the song of Harry and me. That song means everything to me. Confused, she looks to me to say something, but when the melody of Shape Of You starts, I begin to sing. The quicker I do it, the quicker I get it over with. But one round turned into several because she wanted to sing another song and Niall then had the idea to sing with me.
Exhausted, I look around as I finally have a break from it all. I just hope Chris will shut up now and not publish the photos after all. "Hey, babe.", my fake girlfriend arrives and sits on my lap so she can wrap her arms around my neck. "Shall we go upstairs?" she whispers and starts to move on top of me, causing me to widen my eyes in shock and try to stop her. "Eleanor, stop it !", I hiss, but she doesn't stop. By now her lips are on my neck sucking there and her hand is wandering. The fact that we are sitting on the couch in the living room and everyone can see us doesn't seem to bother her at all. "El, I told you to stop," I say a little louder now and try to push her off me, but clearly all the alcohol isn't playing into my hands. Panic starts to spread through my body as she won't listen to me and I can't manage to get her off me. I feel her hand undo my trouser button and then move under my trousers before she touches my best piece. I gasp in shock and start to shake as it slowly arrives in my brain what she is doing here. With shaking hands I stop her hand and finally manage to push her off me.
"Babe, what's going on ? We've wanted to do this all along," she says, confused, and wants to sit on my lap again. "D-don't t-t-touch me," I stammer and slide off her. "You're my boyfriend, of course I can touch you." Hectically, I shake my head and try to calm my breathing. I don't need a panic attack now. "Don't touch me.", I breathe and stumble out of the house with the last of my strength, in front of which I first burst into tears as I realise what just happened. I feel dirty.
Sobbing, I make my way home. I just want to get back to my Hazza. I am so stupid, I should have just come out. True, I would have lost everything, but I would have my curly head and our baby by my side. Who knows what all is on social media from that party and how much Harry saw of it. In fact, I'm pretty sure Chris filmed us a lot. I'm sure he'll think I cheated on him. Did I? Oh God! I hope Harry lets me explain everything. Why didn't I tell him?! I'm such a fool. Now I have to face the consequences - a possible break-up with Harry because he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore - but I will try everything to save our relationship. Even if I have to come out for it, so be it. But I have the love of my life by my side.
At home, I try to go into our bedroom as quietly as possible. After all, it's already two in the morning and the whole house is asleep. My gaze slides to Harry who is snuggled in his blanket and it looks like he is wrapped in a cocoon. Tiptoeing, I walk into the bathroom and strip my sweaty and alcohol-smelling clothes off me and jump into the shower, where I wash the last few hours off me. Still feeling dirty after what Eleanor did, I repeat the shower process two more times until I feel a bit better and cleaner. The same thing happens when I brush my teeth before I leave the bathroom and go to the wardrobe where I put on a pair of boxers and slip into bed with Harry. Slowly but surely, tiredness overcomes me, but I can't sleep after all that has happened and because of worry.
When I try to pull my boyfriend to me, he pushes me away from him and increases the distance between us. This reaction hurts, but I deserve it. Knowing better than to try again, I turn on my side and stare out the window, hoping sleep will catch up with me after all. Nothing happens. Not even when my feelings overtake me and I burst into tears. Not even then can I fall asleep, even though I am becoming more and more exhausted by the events of the last few hours.
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A.N.:
What do you think of the chapter?
Can you understand Harry's reaction at the beginning of the chapter?
Do you think Louis should have come out or given up his dream ?
What do you think about the conversation between Louis and Chris?
What do you think about the scene between Zayn, Liam, Louis and Niall? Did you expect such a reaction from Ziam ? Are you angry with Niall?
What do you think about Eleanor's behaviour?
Why do you think Harry reacts like that at the end of the chapter? In general, how might he react the next day?
What will happen in the next chapter? Feel free to leave guesses !
❀ I would be very happy about votes and comments. ❀
ʚĭɞ
Hello, long time no see ?!
I actually wanted to post an update much earlier, but there were two problems. 1. you know when you know exactly what you want to write, but you can't get it down on paper ?! Yes, that happened here...
2. do the teachers know what holidays are? I don't think so...I have to write eight source analyses + a commentary with a maximum of 600 words in history, an introduction for my seminar paper and an art lecture. Besides, I still have to study for upcoming papers, which we will write right in the first or second lesson after the holidays...I hope you can understand why there was no chapter for so long.
The chapter is quite long, and I'm not really happy with it, but I hope you like it.
Tomorrow is just Harry's 29th birthday. Crazy, isn't it? How fast time flies. (It's in 8 minutes actually)
All the Love,
your svftlouis