《 WARNING mentions of anxiety attacks.
A/N ... I appreciate every single one of you who have stumbled upon this story of mine and would be absolutely grateful if you could leave a like or sneaky comment on this. It helps me know I'm on the right path but also keeps me motivated to write more stories like this.
Much love. 》
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For the rest of the week, I trained hard with Soap. He seemed to enjoy hand-to-hand and had found a way to pull his punches just enough to not hurt me drastically but enough so that I still felt it all, which I was thankful for. Gaz had spoken to Price and told him there was absolutely no reason for me to train with him and Roach with weapons, something about me being too good though he had mentioned that knife work with Ghost would probably be beneficial and to my surprise Price rejected that.
I had made popcorn for a movie night, knowing I had tonight and tomorrow to enjoy relative peace until the team was sent out and I'd be here alone, training with Roach and keeping busy in my office. My blanket was around my shoulders, snuggled up tight in it with just my fingers free as I stuffed some into my mouth, hitting play.
The couch dipped and I looked over, finding Ghost perched in his normal spot. I had gotten used to his presence, well kind of. I no longer felt tense when he would just pop up anywhere, instead it actually became comforting in a really weird way, mainly because he always seemed to be close by I'd learnt. He had been assessing my progress with my training, watching silently in the shadows and it was strange but something I got used to quickly.
I smiled softly at him as his gaze moved to me, but he remained quiet and blank and that too was something I'd grown accustomed to. "What are we watching?" Soap asked as he jumped the back of the couch, taking up most of the space between us and when I went to ask him what he was doing he winked and stole some of popcorn. "Oh Gaz and Roach are already off base with Price."
"What? And no one thought to tell me?!" I growled, preparing to get up but Soap nudged me and I froze, his eyes holding mine.
"They are just getting set up...relax Harrison...ya ain't on the clock until we leave ok." He waved his hand between himself and Ghost and I exhaled deeply as I slumped back into the couch, shuffling to get comfortable until I turned to him.
I handed him the bowl of popcorn and he took it gladly until I pressed my feet into his side and pushed him over, grunting as I struggled to move him but once he was in Gaz's regular spot I quickly moved and laid down, my feet still pressed against Soaps leg. "Thats bloody better." I sighed deeply pulling my blanket tighter around myself.
"The hell it is!" Soap yelled playfully at me. "I am not cuddling Ghost." He grabbed my legs and lifted them, before I felt him move and then he lowered my legs, laying them over his lap. "Thats better." He huffed out and I eyed him closely before I shrugged and turned my attention to the screen.
~~~~~
After the first movie finished I got up to pee, stretching my back out and when I came back in I narrowed a death stare in at Soap, who was grinning cheekily at me. "You prick." I huffed, pouting slightly because he had stolen his spot back, and had one leg up on the couch, lazily back with my damn blanket on. "Right this means war." I threatened him as I stepped closer.
"Aww hear that Ghost, she's threatening me." Soap said smugly and Ghost turned his head to me, his eyes watching me intently before something crossed them and for once I understood it.
Before Soap could even question the grin that crossed my face, I launched over the back of the couch and landed on him, pinning him under the blanket with my legs while I began tickling his sides. "No...NO Harrison don't! SIMON YOU TRAITOR!" He squealed out, trying not to laugh himself but I was laughing maniacally as my fingers dug into his ribs, feeling him bucking underneath me. "Jessie...seriously."
Oh to hear such a gruff man squeal like a child, it was music to my ears and after a few minutes I finally let him go, huffing slightly from all the giggling while he glared up at me, panting heavily. "I want my blanket back, and room on the damn couch." I said sternly as I sat back, kneeling between his legs and he balled my blanket up before he threw the whole thing at me and I squealed as I fell backwards with it, landing on-
My body tensed, feeling Ghosts right under me and I couldn't move, keeping my blanket against my face and chest, my heart pounding my in ribcage because this was not how that was meant to go. Suddenly the blanket moved and so did Ghost slightly, before he pulled it from my face and looked down at me, blank as ever and I felt my cheeks heat up as I stared right back. "Sorry Ghost." I whispered before he grunted slightly and got up, letting me fall to the couch completely.
I covered my face again, remaining exactly where I was, worried as shit before the couch moved again and my blanket was slowly pulled from me. "Harrison? You ok?" Soap asked quietly. My blanket moved from my face and Soap was leaning over me, one hand on the back of the couch with the other gripping my blanket.
"He's going to kill me for that." I said quietly, my gaze on the ceiling, still worried to move before I heard Soap chuckle slightly. I sat up quickly, shoving him off me as I looked around and thankfully Ghost wasn't still in the room, but I turned my gaze to Soap and shoved him again. "If I die, Just know MacTavish, I'm haunting you." I waved a finger at him as he sat back in his spot, still laughing slightly.
I sat on my heels, holding my blanket, still nervous incase he came back. It was one thing for me to try and talk to him, and I knew he wasn't a fan of that but he never did seem bothered when I tried, and he had been watching my progress with my training so that was nice but touch. I wasn't stupid. He was not a fan of that at all. Only the guys could and that was only ever a pat on the back at most, so for me, the fucking newbie who is a woman, to end up laying against him. Any progress I thought I made with him would surely be gone now.
A hand brushed my forearm and I flinched, blinking and came back to the room, seeing Soap looking at me questionly with his hand on my arm. "He won't hurt you Harrison." He said quietly and I nodded, agreeing with him. "Do you still want to watch the second Harry Potter movie?" His voice softened even more and I looked at the TV before I looked at him, nodding quietly, before I pulled my blanket around my shoulders and looked at Ghosts spot, questioning if I should but decided against it.
My eyes moved my back Soap and he smiled slightly before he patted his chest. "Touch me inappropriately and I'll stab you." I said quietly but sternly as I laid down on his chest, letting my blanket cover us both.
"Why do I actually believe you have a knife stashed somewhere on you?" He asked quietly and I giggled softly, shuffling slightly, trying to get comfortable. "I can move if you want." I shook my head, instead sighing deeply as I realised what it was.
"Don't read into this ok." I grumbled before I wrapped my arms around him, my head dropping completely to his chest, sighing in satisfaction. "Fuck you're comfortable." I mumbled out, hearing and feeling him chuckle deeply.
I watched the movie for 10 minutes until I noticed he was tensing his left arm that was hanging over the edge of the couch and as I moved my gaze up slowly I saw the angle his shoulder was at, knowing his arm was most definitely asleep so I reached out and grabbed his wrist, feeling him flinch and hiss slightly knowing pins and needles were moving down his arm but I didn't stop until it was resting on his chest, right in front of my face.
"Give it a minute then move it to a more comfortable position ok?" I whispered softly.
"Yes mum."
I pinched his hand gently, hearing him mumble under his breath before he flexed his finger out, stretching them to get the blood flow moving. My gaze moved back to the movie, sinking back against him before he moved his arm, gently draping it over my back. "Don't read into it." He teased me because I had flinched slightly and I was in two minds to bite his chest for that when I felt the couch dip near my feet. "Ahh Lt...you're back."
My hand on Soaps chest tightened, gripping his shirt accidently and his hand on my back pressed harder to me, almost like he knew I was uncomfortable and was trying to remind me I was ok. Then I realised I was laying on Soap. Oh god if I move it'll look suspicious. If I don't, what will Ghost think? I knew my breath had shallowed out as I began to panic but to my surprise Soap dropped his other arm from the back of the couch down to me as well, before he rolled to his side, dropping me down in front of him.
"Breathe Harrison." He whispered softly, so quietly I barely heard him behind me but I took a deep breath, feeling my body shuddering slightly. "It's a bit chilly in here tonight isn't it?" He asked normally, not whispering or anything and I could have sworn it was to throw Ghost off because he pulled the blanket higher around us both and slipped his arm under it, wrapping around me as he held me tightly but that just made it worse, I felt like I was suffocating and I shot up, throwing the blanket clear of me as I dropped my head to my hands.
Soap moved but I held my hand up to him. "Don't...I know...you're trying to help...but don't." I panted out, trying to suck down air as I closed my eyes. The couch moved on both my sides and I just prayed they would both just stay back while I tried to pull the anxiety in. It wasn't because of anything Soap had done, and I knew I'd need to apologise for snapping like that, but I just needed space to breathe. Suddenly I felt my headphones being put on my head and then music began playing and I snapped my eyes open, landing on a pair of boots in front of me.
I sat back, looking up at Ghost who was just standing there, watching me, my phone in his hand before he handed it to me then dropped back down to the couch. I adjusted my headphones then dropped my head back, closing my eyes as I tuned everything out except the music, surprised Ghost had actually picked a good song, one of my favourites actually and I couldn't stop myself from singing along.
Two songs later my body felt reset and I carefully sat up, opening my eyes before I turned the music off and pulled my headphones from my ears, dropping them around my neck before I turned to Ghost who was just staring at me. I turned my head to Soap and he looked stressed and worried, leaning towards me with his arm on the back of the couch but keeping his distance. A sigh escaped me as I got up, and sat down on the coffee table, looking at them both. "Panic attack. First one in months actually."
Soap went to speak but I held my hand up. "I'm fine...look Ghost, I didn't mean to touch you, and I really hope you know that...Soap, relax please, you didn't know what to do and it's sweet you tried...but can you both do me a favour and not let that define me and my capabilities? I'm still adjusting to this place, and you guys, still finding my feet and where I fit in. But I will prove my worth here." I looked between them both, worried I could have just fucked my chances here.
Ghost stood up and I looked up at him, but he simply nodded slightly then left. "Harrison?" I turned my head to Soap, seeing the worry in his eyes and I got up, dropping to the couch with him before I hugged him.
"Stop looking at me like that. I'm ok." He exhaled deeply and wrapped his arms around me, so I hugged him tighter, feeling him do the same. "Now is when I need the hug...but thank you for trying. Most people run from that." I let him go and sat back, thankful his face had relaxed. I looked at the time on my phone and realised it was only 8pm. "Well fuck it's not late at all. Do you want to keep watching the movie?" I asked quietly and he nodded before he moved back and got comfortable. "Gimme a sec ok." I said as I jumped up.
I jogged back to my room, peeing quickly before I changed into my pyjamas, my favourite red tartan Peter Alexander pants and a plain black tank top. My pillow was in my hands as I closed the door and as I turned around I collided with something solid and warm. I looked up, forcing a smile to my face as Ghost looked back down at me. He had changed too into trackies and a shirt and was leaning back against the wall between our rooms, arms folded across his chest. "Are you coming back? We're going to keep watching and I was thinking maybe a drink or two."
He remained a statute, and my shoulders dropped before I sighed deeply. "Ok well the offer is there Ghost, I didn't mean to put a downer on movie night." I moved past him back into the common room where I threw my pillow at Johnny then skipped to the kitchen, grabbing my own bottle of bourbon I'd bought two days ago and 2 glasses but I felt that familiar feeling and smiled softly to myself as I grabbed a third and went back to the couch.
~~~~~
We were up to movie 4 and I was on drink 6, feeling oh so very buzzed and relaxed as I leant back against Soap, his arm lazily draped around my shoulder. His eyes had gotten heavy and I wasn't even sure how much he'd had but I knew Ghost had only 3 drinks, he surprised me, being a lot more responsible than I thought he would when not on duty but I guess, was he ever off really?
"Hey...I gotta know." I said groggily, rolling my head back to look up at Soap and he smirked in return. "Is my accent really bad? Like...you guys are all British and Scottish accents and then in I come, all 'crikey mate, we ain't here to fuck spiders'...is it bad?"
"What in the hell was that? Fuck spiders? What the hell Lt did you understand that?" Soap drawled, and I sat up, his arm slipping from my shoulders. Ghost shook his head and I couldn't help but giggle slightly.
"It means, stop stop sitting on your ass, we got shit to do...though we also use 'fucking the dog'. Which is similar but usually used when your working, but not actually doing anything. I thought the Brits used that too?" I questioned as I looked between them, Ghost just shrugged slightly while Soap scrunched his face up at me. "Go on...Ghost he's just as bad right? When he gets into his own dialect, he don't make sense either right." I rolled my head to Ghost again, feeling the room catch up a second later.
"Ah mak' plenty o' sense dinnae ah Ghost." Soap replied sluggishly.
I giggled loudly as I nudged him. "You lucky I'm fucking drunk too else I'd not understand ya. Also I think I win again...seems you can't handle ya piss at all." He groaned quietly as he tried to sit up, and I felt kind of bad he was as fucked up as he was. "Ghost...I think we should get him to bed." Ghost was already on his feet and I moved, trying not to fall over myself as I walked ahead of them, knowing his room would be a mess and I doubted Ghost wanted to be falling into Soaps bed with him. So I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was clean.
Ghost got him into the room but Soap began pushing back. "Git th' pick a windae, yer leavin' me a'm braw." Next thing I know Ghost had flipped him, flat on his back onto his bed and left, grunting slightly while I looked at Soap, rolling around in his bed, fighting something that wasn't there, mumbling drunkenly and I worried he'd had too much but there was nothing more could do so I went to go get my pillow and blanket.
Ghost was already standing in the corridor with both and I smiled softly up at him. "Thanks, Ghost." I said quietly as he handed me my stuff and I went to ask him something but he was already closing his bedroom door so I opened my own and chucked my stuff on my bed when I heard Soap groan horribly and I just couldn't ignore him so I closed my door and went back to his room, finding him trying to get up. "Johnny what are you doing?" I hissed at him but he just reached for his bathroom door and I opened it, then rushed to his side, helping him somehow to his feet before he dropped to the toilet bowl and brought it all up.
I sat on the edge of his bath and rubbed his back, humming softly to him the way my mother did with me as a child, hoping it would help him in some way and that is where we sat for 5 minutes while he emptied his stomach. "Ye dinnae need tae bairn me." He grumbled quietly as he sat back, flushing his toilet and I frowned deeply at him, somehow understanding what he'd said.
"John MacTavish...you are in no state to not be babied right now and I am the team medic so shut up and accept the help." I said bluntly watching him drop back to his ass before he wiped his mouth and rolled that heavy eyed look to me and pouted at me. "Oh you big baby, come on, get in the bath, you need to cool down and clean up." I saw the look cross his face and I folded my arms at him. "Ya can keep your boxers on buddy."
I turned the water on, then tapped his shoulder and he spun to me slowly so I could untie his boots. I pulled them and his socks off before I reached over him and pulled his shirt off then got up and helped him to his feet. He couldn't get his pants undone and I exhaled deeply, rolling my eyes before I undid them for him and helped him out of them. "So Price is 'dad' and now we got 'mum'." I growled up at him before I smacked his chest and helped him into the bath, listening to him groan loudly as he sank into it.
He just sat there, eyes closed so I sat on the edge of the bath and grabbed his body wash, washing his shoulders and arms, slowly, my fingers moving over his muscles smoothly before I let them move over his chest and down his stomach. One of his eyes opened slowly and he smiled slightly at me. "Yeah nah buddy...I'll baby you only so far, but cleaning your junk ain't one of them, you still got your arms."
"But I canny move em." My nails dug into his ribs and he whined out like a child before I let him go and cleaned my hands off. I got up and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, handing them to him, ignoring his protesting.
Getting him out was harder, especially because he was wet but we managed without either of us getting hurt, though I did end up soaked too but I shrugged it off before I dried him off then turned around so he could take his boxers off. "That towel better be on Johnny boy because if I cop an eyeful of your junk, I'm cutting it off."
"Geez...yer bit violent aren't ya...I'm bloody decent woman." He grumbled behind me and I turned around slowly, keeping my eyes up to his before I smiled warmly and took him back to his room, dropping him to his bed while I moved to his wardrobe, finding him clean boxers and a shirt, throwing them both at him.
"You good now? Or do I need to sit here all night and make sure you don't die?" I asked playfully as I turned around so he could change. I noticed his duffle bag on the floor by the door and it hit me that he and Ghost would be leaving after tomorrow and I'd be here alone. My arms folded across my chest and I remembered my shirt was wet, grumbling quietly to myself before I grabbed another one of his and pulled mine off before I pulled his on, feeling how it engulfed me.
I turned around and Soap was just laying there, looking at me curiously with his hands behind his head. Neither of us said anything but I climbed into his bed with him, sighing deeply as I looked at him, before I started playing with his damp hair, letting my fingers graze his scalp and he shuddered slightly before his eyes closed. "You really are the mum of the base, our little mother hen." A smile cracked my mouth at his words, feeling him slowly relax. "Hmmm, mother hen...Hen." His eyes opened and he smiled crookedly at me. "Found your callsign."
"Shhh you bloody goofball...sleep." I whispered to him, watching his eyes roll back before he rolled slightly to me, and drifted off immediately but I didn't stop playing with his hair, finding it soothing myself before the room began to darken. Hen, I like that.