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FIRST TRIMESTER
ANT POV
"This the last of everything man." The fat nigga that been driving the truck and running back and forth dusts his hands off. I look around me and in the truck to make sure they ain't miss nothing.
"Aight," I nod to thank him, pulling out my wallet.
"Of course. You and your family have a nice home man, congratulations."
"Yeah," I say. I take out four hundred and give it to him as a tip for him and his partner who been helping too. He thanks me then finally turns around to leave. As I'm mindlessly watching them drive off, a arm sneaks its way around my torso. Could only be one person.
"Finally," Cam says against my back, "Now all we have left is to...unpack the boxes," He sighs, backing up completely. Yeah that's gon be a lot of work but I could get it done. He don't have to worry about it.
I turn around to be face to face with him, and I catch him staring at his new house. Bout a month ago I let him pick where we would stay. I always wanted to give him that choice. Whichever he wanted long as it was in the right area. He ended up picking a five bedroom house that the sellers ain't have no problem with me paying them in cash. I paid it all up front. And now this his house.
"You like it?" I ask since this is his first time seeing it in person.
"I love it...I'm excited, this is gonna be different. In my lifetime I've lived in LA for sixteen years. Then Brooklyn for eighteen. And now, we live in Virginia Beach. We actually live together," he repeats slower the second time. Yeah. It shouldn't be crazy but it is. "Me and you. And our kids," he smiles. Then the tears start. "Oh my gosh."
Since I know he bout to cry, I wrap him in a hug and let him hide his face in my sweater. When I came to the decision that I would move my family, the only thing that made sense to me was to move them to Virginia. For multiple reasons.
One reason being cus I'm paranoid. What Cam said about me only being able to keep them safe if they around me really got to me. And I fear that I might have unfinished business over here, so to make sure it's taken care of I had no other option but to bring my family with me. And of course I feel more at ease cus Rue is dead, but I still need to make sure.
Second reason is cus I'm used to it. Ion wanna have to navigate a new place with my kids and with Cameron. Ion wanna be confused and shit, don't really know how to get around without a gps. Ion want my family to be confused and I'm confused right along with them. So since I know Virginia like the back of my hand the same way I know New York, I figured here is the best place.
Third reason was for my kids. Especially my son. I know Taleah is good anywhere she go. My daughter got a lot of her personality from her uncle so she's outgoing and can make friends anywhere. My son, not so much. But I know he already got his friends out here, and from what I saw they was helping him come out his shell a lot. And I know he don't be talking to just anybody so it's not like we could go somewhere else and he make friends there. I didn't want to take him away from that and have him mad antisocial and quiet again, so that played a big part as to why I chose to move here for good.
And the last reason is simply cus I thought Cam would like it over here. I know he likes a lot of space, and he likes beaches and shit. We right by the water. So yeah. He told me he would love to live in Virginia so then I went ahead and told him start looking for a house.
Cameron looks up at me, tears in his eyes, "This is all kind of scary and surreal. But I'm happy for change. Change usually means things are gonna get better."
I nod. "Yeah." I hope so. Cus if I'm being honest, I'm tired of waiting.
All of a sudden Taleah runs out the house, grabbing my attention instantly. "Omg, our house is so fire," she smiles. "Daddy can you buy me a swing for my room? That's the vibes it's giving. A swing and bookshelf."
"A swing? That's a room or a playground?" I ask. Fuck she on about.
"Ugh, you don't get it. It's supposed to be cute. Papa you know what I'm talking about right?" She asks. I look at Cameron and he's laughing. Nah since when swings went in bedrooms what am I missing? We walk towards her and when we reach her on the doorsteps, Cam pinches her cheek.
"Yes honey, I know what you're talking about. Babe it's like a single swing seat thing. It can go by the window or something—" he explains.
"Aight. just send it to me and I'll get it." I'm not even gon try to understand that. Imma just get it. My head hurts thinking bout that. Taleah jumps up and down, skipping back in the house while me and Cam follow behind her. I already know that's not the last request she gon have. But I don't mind. That's my baby girl, she gotta have everything she want.
When Taleah runs off to her room again, I follow Cameron to the kitchen. It's big and got a lot of space. Maybe that's the real reason he chose this house. "This kitchen is gorgeous," he grins, "Really really nice. Maybe, just maybe, I can start cooking again? Since I'll be home more until..." he taps his fingers on the counter.
That's been a conversation we ain't been seeing eye to eye on. Cameron was real sad about having to leave his students back at his old job. But then he eventually said maybe he could get a new teaching job out here, and that's what made him feel better. But the issue is, ion really want him to be working like that. I just feel like there's no need for him to if I can take care of him. And since we in the perfect situation where he don't have no attachment to no students or job, he don't even have to get into one. We got into a little argument about that too. I was just tryna explain to him that he'll be working for no reason and then he got mad and said it was his passion and all that. So then I ended the conversation and told him we'll talk about it later. And now later is here.
"Until you healthy. Come on," I shake my head. He sighs. "Next year."
"Next year? What am I supposed to do until then? Be lonely and bored in this house?"
I think. No, there's more to do than that. "Come work with me." I suggest. That's something else I worked on during the whole process of getting ready to move here. I came down one weekend and bought me a store to turn into my shop. I figured there was no reason I wasn't doing it by myself since I have my license and everything. It made no sense to work for somebody especially because as far as I know, this is my main job now. So I got the time to run my own shit.
My daughter and Cameron suggested I hire people, so I had them write a message for some people I know of at the other place I worked in to see if they wanted to come work here. Now the issue is all of them responded back, damn near begging me to "pick them." I was really planning on it being bout four other people and that's it. So I been holding off on it so I really got time to think about who would be best. I got some clients messaging me, asking me where I'm at so I told them Imma have my place soon so they gotta wait. That's one thing I ain't never worried about though, I ain't pressed for people to come to me. Ion have enough time in the day to accommodate everybody, that's the problem.
"And do what?" He narrows his eyes, "sterilize equipment?"
I laugh, "Nah. Front desk. Answer the phone. Questions. Walk ins. Consent forms, all that," I explain. I think he would be perfect for that. Cam rolls his eyes, facepalming.
"You want me to be your assistant." He states. Yeah, I guess.
"Yeah."
"Oh really. And what's my salary?" He raises an eyebrow.
"Five dollars a hour," I say.
"Hm so that's...10,000 a year. Deal," he laughs. I smile. Nah, he knows I got him. His salary is freedom to run my card up, I think that's fair. Cam sighs seriously, "I don't know Ant. That's not my passion. I would love to support you, but I love to teach..."
"I know, that's why I'm saying work with me for a year. Then go back," I explain. He bites his cheek, glancing off to the side.
"I'll think about it," he eventually says. As long as he's considering. "After we settle in, should we do some house shopping?"
"Settling gon take a while. Just tell me when you ready," I step back, pushing a cabinet that won't close. I gotta fix that.
"Okay. I'm gonna go use the bathroom really quick and check on the kids, then we'll go," he runs his hand down many arm, then goes upstairs. While he's up there, I start unpacking some of the boxes for the living room. I unwrap the couch first, then take the tv out. I gotta put it on the wall but that gotta wait till later.
Once I realize how many things gotta wait till later, I figure that I could spend my time better by smoking a blunt. I can't just do this in five minutes. I gotta actually take my time and have them kids help me out. Plus I been tryna ween off the hard drugs and go back to just smoking. I been doing alright. I slip up like twice a week when I feel like my mind is bout to give out. But other than that, I just been smoking and tryna stay calm, isolating myself when I start hearing shit or getting paranoid. Cameron still notices every time, but he doesn't ever really say nothing about it. He don't look at me different when I come out a room. He just always tries to test the waters and touch me to see if I'm good.
I walk out to the backyard to the patio part and roll up there, occasionally looking behind me to make sure my kids not there. They teenagers, they know wassup but I still feel like it's certain shit your kids shouldn't see you do as a father. And I already crossed that line a lot of times. Ion gotta bring that over here. If we starting new, we gotta start new.
While I'm almost through my blunt, Cameron comes back down joining me out here. "Ready when you are babe..." he says quietly, rubbing my back, "I convinced the twins to come too." Just like that, I see them coming down the stairs so I put the blunt out completely, throwing it in the grass. We could leave through the back so me and Cam stay out here while they join us.
"You like the house?" I ask my son.
He nods. "Yeah."
"I can't wait for me and Aj to be in school together again. I missed having my brother around," Leah hugs him from the side. Aj glances down at her, tryna shake her off him.
I motion to them, "Hug your sister." I say. I'm serious too. I realize that Aj and Taleah are close, they just like to fight. "Or you not going nowhere today." Cus I already know the first thing he gon wanna do is see that kid. I ain't stupid. Aj kisses his teeth, dropping a heavy ass arm over Taleah. "Properly," I add. Cameron just laughing in the background. Nah this what you gotta do with these kids.
Aj puts two lazy arms around his sister while Leah squeezes him back. I laugh then walk away, leaving them to figure out how they gon end that hug. You could really get these niggas to do whatever you want. That's crazy. Now that we living together Imma tell them to pass me a remote that's right on my lap, word.
Soon we in the car on our way to Target like Cam requested. When we get there, my daughter gets a cart of her own and my son grabs a basket and they both walk off without us.
"Are we not cool enough?" Cameron questions, watching them walk off together in the distance.
"Probably not," I laugh, grabbing a cart for Cameron. I suddenly have pull him back and out the way when somebody almost bumps into him despite him being the one standing in one spot. Right as I'm bout to go off, I catch myself. Aight we just got in here, I gotta learn to relax. If I'm gon do this the right way for once I gotta actually think before I act—
But it's like niggas don't give me a chance to. In the next five minutes while Cameron is taking his time looking at some cups, some white nigga gon come right next to him.
"Been there for a while now haven't you. I just need to grab this," the man says passive aggressively, reaching between him and the cups. He don't have the option to even grab what he wants before my hand is around his arm, yanking him back.
"And you gon fucking wait," I say. Cameron looks up at the man confused, then looks at my hand around his arm. He does a little gasp then backs up.
"It's okay babe. I'll come back—" he tries to pull me away. Nah.
"Get your hands off me man," the guy says. Just for that I tighten my grip.
"Nah finish what you was doing," I tell him. Not bout to let nobody rush him. Fuck outta here. For some cups at that. Nigga in a rush to get cups.
I know Cameron rushing now cue instead of looking, he just grabs a couple white and black ones then tells me he's done. When I ask him if he's sure, he eagerly says yes. And that's when I let the nigga go.
"Wanna take it outside my man?" the guy rubs on his arm, then points in my face.
"No, no. We're not taking anything outside Ant let's go. Please," Cam begs. Man I could push that nigga and he dead, fuck is you talking bout. Cameron pulls me away but I let him cus I know I don't need to be escalating nothing with nobody right now. Even while he keeps yelling 'that's right, walk away,' I ignore what I wanna do and do what Cameron wants and keep walking.
But the when I look to my left, I see a group of people staring at Cameron pulling me away. Just looking dead at him. And that pisses me off the most, so I ask them what they looking at, and just as I'm bout to really make is a issue, Cameron pulls me off to the side, away from where they at.
"Babe. Babe. Calm down," he says. "I know there's a lot happening but I need you to calm down before you snap, okay?"
Imma be honest with him. Right now it's hard. "Ion think I c—"
"Yes, you can. You can. Just take a second. Everything is okay. Nothing is happening. People might me staring, but nothing is happening. Okay?" He looks at me with soft eyes. Man. Why people gotta test me all the time though. I could be anywhere, Nigga don't know me but they start doing shit that piss me off. I'm tired of that.
"You have nothing to worry about, okay? We have to focus on changing babe. New beginnings, remember?"
"Yeah." I mumble. I believe in that but I gotta have the chance to, feel me. And I just hope it's not hard.
Cam grabs my hand. "I couldn't feel any safer than I do right now. With you, Ant. Don't jeopardize that for stupid people. People are annoying. But we have to ignore them. I'm begging you."
"Aight." I understand what he means. I don't wanna risk not being around for him. Cus now I'm on my own. I could end up back in prison and that be it for me. So I know I need to relax. Maybe start back up on therapy again for help with that. Ion know, but imma try. I have no choice. Cam stands on his toes and pulls my head down, kissing me one good time. Ion go for those so I grab his head too, kissing him two times of my own. His smile once I back away reminds me again of what I'm doing this for. I gotta keep him happy.
For the next hour and a half, I follow Cam up and down the aisles and give him space to pick the things he wants, giving my opinion when he asks for it. It was a couple instances I woulda been vocal about if we ain't just have that talk. Everyday I realize how much I hate people. They just fucking stupid. All of them.
At one point we crossed path with our kids. They was in the snacks aisle, filling up they basket with bullshit.
At the register, I pay for Cam and Taleahs stuff, but Aj insisted that he wanted to pay for it by himself. That's when Taleah told me he getting a gift for his "boyfriend" so that's probably why. I ain't even know Aj was with that kid yet.
Cam smiles, "Awww, baby. I like that young man a lot for you honey. Good for you," Cam rubs his back briefly. Nah, he's right. Far as I know he been a good friend to my kid so I respect that. Same way that other kid been a good friend to my daughter. As long as my kids are treated with respect, I'm cool. Aj shakes his head, looking down at the floor in embarrassment. I called that shit months ago. Guess I always knew my son more than I thought I did.
Bout a hour after we got to the house, after everybody showered and put a couple things away, Aj let's me know that he's going out and will be back later.
"Where you going?" I ask.
"To see my friend at the mall."
I think for a second. "Ask your papa if you could go. There's two of us sitting here."
He frowns in confusion, but when he realize I'm not playing he looks at Cameron. "Uh, papa can I go see my friend at the mall...?" He asks awkwardly.
"Sure honey—"
"No, ask him what time he coming back." I tell Cam.
"Oh—uhh, what time are you coming back?" He asks way too bubbly. We gon have to work on this.
"Like ten," Aj looks at me nervously, "If that's aight?" He adds. Better.
"Yes. Of course. That is A-Okay with me! Perfect even. I mean it's all about keeping contact, you know? I just wanna know if you're safe. Well, now especially that we're in a new state I'm a little—but anyways, nevermind that. You do know your way ar—" I think me and Aj staring at him is making him realize that he rambling bout bullshit right now. So he fake zips his lips and then waves Aj off who damn near runs outta here.
I woulda sat here and said we couple unpack some more boxes but I'll worry about that later. At this point it's been like two hours since we got back and I'm tired of unpacking shit. I'm thinking I'll take Cam and Leah out somewhere. Plus I got something I want to give Cameron too. The perfect place for us to go comes in mind. Especially cus I know Cameron loves beaches.
While he's occupying his time with putting up our triplets ashes and the roses he swears up and down he can't let die in the perfect spot, I come up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.
"What do you think?" He asks. I see he put them on a shelf right by the TV.
"Yeah, I like it," I say. He sighs, grabbing onto my hand. He leans his head back into me once I start kissing his cheek and down his neck. I press my face into him, squeezing him tight for a minute. "Get Leah, I wanna take y'all somewhere." I say.
He asks no questions, calling Taleah down. She comes down, giggling on the phone then hangs up, asking where we going. Instead of telling them, I just show them.
"Oooh pretty, who wants to take my pictures?!" Taleah runs out the car and towards the water, leaving us way behind her. I brought them to one of the more empty beaches that's near us. Chesapeake or sum like that. Everything Cameron is at one I notice he's the happiest. Even the day of the kids funeral. He was still happier than he probably would've been had we been anywhere else. And now, the smile on his face confirms it for me. And that's why this the perfect place for us to be right now.
"You swear you know me so well," Cameron rolls his eyes once I grab his hand, walking towards our daughter who's taking pictures of herself on her phone.
I smile, tryna squint to see him cus the sun in my eyes. "I do. I know everything about you," I lick my lips. It's true.
"You do...I'm hoping I get to learn more about you," he looks up at me slowly. Yeah.
"You will. I promise," I nod honestly.
"No more secrets. No more lying. No more working for crazy old white ladies to keep me safe and not telling me—or anyone for that matter," he adds.
I laugh. I know he's serious though, "Yeah. No more." I agree.
"And more talking. More transparency. More—"
"I want ice cream! Sir wait, what the fuck," Taleah screaming interrupts us. I look up to see her running towards an ice cream cart. "Where you going?" She yells at the man behind the cart out of breath. The man who could barely speak English tries to tell her that he wasn't running away and that he didn't see her, so my daughter apologizes over and over again to him. That's her papa right there.
"Oooh, what you got. You gottt strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, cookies and cream. That's what I want. Large. Pretty please, with a cherry on top—literally," she laughs. I realized they was alike, but damn they alike. Cus they both weak at that corny ass joke. While he's still laughing, Cameron looks in the cart.
"I'll have a medium mint chocolate chip, please. Babe, you want something?" He asks. He know better than that.
"Nah baby. I'm good."
"Come on daddy, just try it. You never eat sweets," Taleah begs. I shake my head, pulling my wallet out to pay the guy.
"Okay let's do a medium pistachio. I think you'll like that. Let's try new things," Cameron pushes, really making this man scoop some shit I'm not gon eat.
I give him a twenty and let him keep the change. Once Taleah got her ice cream she runs back towards the water taking pictures while tryna eat at the same time.
"Babe, try it. It's melting," Cam pushes one of the cups towards me. "Okay, try mine first," he puts his spoon into his ice cream that I'm holding for him, then holds it to my lips, "See if you like it."
I feel like I'm being held against my own will. Shit is crazy. Cus he got the spoon in my face, I try his and I damn near spit that shit back out. "What the fuck," I exclaim, "Fuck is you eating? Chocolate toothpaste?" I wanna throw it out for him. Niggas eat that willingly? There's no fucking way.
Cameron dying laughing like this shit is funny. "Okay, try the other one then! No seriously babe, try the other one, please. I'm sorry for that one," he covers his mouth tryna stop himself from laughing. "I like it but I know it's an acquired taste. The pistachio one is more your speed. I promise."
"None of this my speed," I excuse. I'm not doing it. Cameron sighs, begging me to try it. He takes the spoon from the other one then holds it up to my lips. He keep begging me over and over again, so I suck it up and try it. Now, I ain't gon lie. I ain't wanna like it. But off rip it wasn't bad.
Cameron studies my reaction then when I nod a little bit he squeals, "You like it??" I gotta be honest so I nod. This don't change nothing though. Still don't like sweets.
"Here, have some more," he stops in front of me, shoving more in my mouth. He feening for me to eat this shit but he lucky is not that bad. "This is coincidentally the one I've cream you got me that I don't like. Because you got the wrong one when I was pregnant with the twins." He laughs. I wish I could respond cus he won't stop feeding me. "You are...so cute," he blushes, suddenly kissing me on the lips. I laugh, gently pushing him away when he's done kissing me so that he don't give me no more ice cream. I got brain freeze, I'm done. I throw the rest away and focus on feeding him his nasty ass bullshit instead. When it's done, I throw the cup in the garbage too.
We continue walking. Now we walking across the edge of the water. I been keeping my eye on Leah the whole time and she ain't been doing shit but taking pictures and texting, laughing about something on that phone. I'm happy my girl is happy. Sometimes I have to drown out certain things I know and I damn near seen happen to her. And then I wonder how she dealing with it. And I wonder how she stay smiling all the time. That's why apart from me loving her, I will always make sure that she gets whatever it is that she wants. No matter what it costs. I gotta keep all three of mines happy. Whether that means we moving. Or spending mad money. Or controlling anger. I got to.
"Anyways," he starts up, continuing our conversation from before, "What I was saying was we need more transparency. More honesty. And much more trust. We need to trust each other. And I know we do already, but I feel like there is a roadblock we haven't gotten over yet. And we should work on that," he sighs.
"I know. I agree," I say. He nods hopefully.
"Good. I'm just ready to see what's in store for us, and hopefully there's a lot. Much more than I can even imagine. I'm excited to...I don't know...start over."
Cameron looks ahead of him at our daughter, tears sitting in his eyes. Since he mentioned that, I feel like now is the perfect time to give him what I got him. The proper way. I harden my grip on his hand so that he knows I want him to stop walking. He stops, now looking out to the water. I take a deep breath.
"Since we starting over," I begin, "I figure we should do it right."
Cameron looks at me now. "Uh huh," he smiles.
"And I know seventeen years ago, I ain't do this right." I continue.
"Uh huh..." Now he's confused.
"So, I wanted to do it right now since...we starting over." With that, I get down on one knee. This is long overdue.
Like he got them ready on cue, tears start pouring out of Cameron's eyes. "Oh my God," he sobs. I hear a scream coming from the distance and it's our daughter running toward us, smiling big as fuck. I laugh, looking back at Cam. I been working on this for a while. So let's see how I do. Now my daughter got the camera on me.
"Cameron Alono Jackson, I'm so in love with you baby—" I gotta take a second to laugh again cus Cameron over here crying like we not already married. But I understand. "It's not a second of my day that's not bout you. Seventeen years in, you been holding me down since day one. Can't nobody else do that better than you do. You caring even when I'm careless. You happy even on the worst days. You the sweetest person, husband and parent. The most perfect. And I'm grateful that I even got lucky with you. You've given me everything I want and more. And I wanna make sure I give you everything you want, need, and more. You already know ion play bout you. But that's not enough. So fuck that old ring, and what I said seventeen years ago. This more than just 'you belonging to me, and nobody else but me.' This is about me fully commuting to you and our marriage. On my grown man shit," I lick my lips, "So with that being said. Cameron Jackson. My everything. Babyboy. Would you do me the honors of marrying me again?" I ask. I pull out the box that's been sitting in my pocket, opening it up to reveal his new, upgraded ring. I made sure to get him the best one money could buy. And by the look on his face, I did good.
Cameron wipes his eyes. "Yes. I will absolutely marry you again Anthony. A million times," he sobs. Our daughter start squealing and jumping up in the background making me smile. I grab his trembling hand and start putting the ring on it, laughing at the fact that he can't stay still. "Oh my god why am I so nervous?" He exclaims through his tears happily. Once the ring is on completely, I get off my knee. I wrap my arms around Cam then pick him up off his feet. He grips onto my neck and then kisses me—passionately, but respectfully. Still got our baby right here who's face is all red looking mad emotional. I put him down then we put our attention on Leah. Yeah, she just like Cameron.
"I'm gonna cry!" She says, and just like that she starts balling. Cameron cries with her, hugging her. And then I pull them both in, hugging them both tighter. As tight as I can. As long as they need me to.
I've said this before, but I mean it this time—I can't fuck this up. This my last and only option. My last chance to make it right.
____________________________
AJ POV
8:00 am Raheem: Good morning 🫶🏿
12:08 pm Raheem: Sleepy ass nigga 😂
2:46 pm Raheem: Wya u been MIA since like 5pm yesterday
3:15 pm Raheem: Aj u alright? U got me nervous ngl
3:30pm Raheem: Aigh fr what I do cus I see u read my shit
I check my phone, reading the last message Raheem sent me. I'm fucked up but I really don't care.
I laugh in my head, watching this nigga panicking. I haven't seen Raheem in like a month cus we was living in different states and school started so he can't really make time to come see me and same for him. Little do he know I'm boutta pull up on him at his job. I didn't tell him I was moving since I found out cus I thought it would be funny if I pop up outta nowhere and surprise him. That's why I haven't been texting him cus I want him to think he did some shit. Maybe I'm playing with his emotions I don't know. If he mad for real that would be funny. But he'll be aight.
"Right here sir?" The Uber guy asks me once we're approaching the front of the mall.
"Yeah." He stops the car and I get out holding onto the gift I bought for Raheem. It's just mad of his favorite snacks and a couple games for his play station in a gift basket. Sum light. Taleah gave me the idea when she found out I was going to see him. She was gonna come with me but when it was time for me to go, she was laid out on her new bed on the phone with that one nigga so I left without her. When she realizes I left she probably be mad but I literally don't care. I told her I was leaving at 3:15. 3:15 came and went and she still wasn't ready so.
As I'm walking in the mall, I take a look at my reflection through the windows to see if I look alright. I'm not gon lie, I was too lazy and tired to really put something nice on for real cus I only slept for like four hours so I just chose a grey Nike tech that I bought while I was getting Raheem's gift. I put on Airforces and a chain to make it look better. Auntie Zaniyah just retwisted my hair before we left, then Uncle Tyler barber lined me up so I ain't worried about that.
I know where his job is by heart so after I get me a bottle of water from the vending machine, I make my way to the second floor. I hope he not on his break cus then I'mma have to wait around awkwardly for him. Regardless I'll still be waiting for him to get off work, but at least I'll know where he's at.
As I'm walking towards the footlocker, I try and look through the windows to see if I can see him from here but all I see is people shipping and other workers walking by mad fast. If I go in there looking for him and he not there Imma be tight. I sigh. This was my plan so I gotta go through with it.
I walk into footlocker, dodging people coming out as I'm going in. I know he not really gonna be able to talk to me like that since he's working. That's if he's not mad and don't even wanna talk to me in the first place.
I look around for about a minute and I'm bout to give up until I finally see him coming out the stock room looking irritated as fuck. "Like I just said, it ain't there. I looked in three different places," I hear him say to one of his coworkers. "Ion know, just tell her it ain't there."
"Can you look again? Please Raheem—please you know she don't like me and she gonna get on my ass—" he begs, but Raheem cuts him off
"Fall back nigga, for real," Raheem says, turning his back to his coworker and beginning to walk away until he's stopped by a customer that needs help.
"Hello! How are you? Do you have these in size 8 women?"
He scans the barcode. He nods at her.
"Good! Can I have in eight please!" The lady smiles. I seen Raheem and work and he usually be mad nice to everybody but today he has an attitude. That's probably my fault. Still funny though.
While he's on the way to the stock room, I see him pulling his phone out his pocket and checking it. Then he quickly closes it and puts it back, shoulders dropping. Aight that's enough, now I feel bad.
He comes back out within the next three minutes and gives the woman her shoes.
"Hiiii. Can I help you?" An employee asks me. I forgot I been standing here not moving for a minute now.
"Nah," I tell her, now approaching Raheem whose back is turned to me, looking at one of the walls of shoes. Another coworkers of his walks past him asking him if he's okay. I wait until she leaves and that's when it's finally my chance to 'suprise' him even though I feel like he just gon be mad now. I really feel bad. Like this not even funny anymore.
I come up behind him and because he still doesn't notice I'm there, I touch his shoulder and walk around him so we could be face to face. Now ion wanna sound like I'm mad sentimental or nothing like that. Or like I'm sensitive. But the look on his face damn near make me wanna cry almost. He looked confused and shocked at first, then relieved and happy, but then stressed out and exhausted at the same time.
"Yo..." He runs his hand over his face, keeping it there to hide his eyes.
"You crying??" I question quietly, tryna move his hand from his face but he got it stuck there.
"Imma fuck you up." As he's taking his hand off of his face, he squeezes at his eyes mad tight which confirms for me that he was crying. "Why you play with me like that?"
"My fault," I pull his hand off his face completely, holding it in mine.
He stares at me looking mad sad and upset for a second and then he finally grips my hand back and pulls me in for a hug, "Ion even know what to say. I'm shocked right now." He wraps his arms around my back, slowly squeezing me tight while I hug him back. While our chests are pressed against each other, I feel his heart racing.
"I ain't never cried at work man that's crazy. What you even doing here," he backs his face up.
"I'll tell you later. I'm sorry for making you cry. I ain't mean to do that."
Raheem licks his lips, pulls away from me, then looks behind him then around the store. He looks back at me, smiling big now. Then he pushes me playfully. I laugh, backing away a little bit in case he try to push me again. "Just wait till I'm off." He nods at me suspiciously, "I got you."
"Chill," I laugh. "I'm here that's one surprise. And I got two more for you. This one," I hold the gift basket up. "And I got something else. I can't tell you right now."
"Raheem! Help in the stock room, please." A random voice comes from his walkie talkie. He sighs, checking the time on his phone.
Rah discreetly wraps his hand around my own again in between our bodies, damn near talking with his eyes now. I know he wanna kiss me but ion think he officially out, let alone at work. And we both ain't one for PDA like that so we gotta hold off.
"When you get off?"
"Two hours but I'm gonna fake like I got the bubble guts."
I laugh. "Nah. Imma wait for you."
He sighs, backing away. "Fine. You wanna wait in my car?"
"Nah, I'll be out there. It's only two hours." I say. I feel like imma get restless in his car. At least here I can creep on him from the empty bench that's right outside the footlocker.
"Aight. Lemme get that."
"Get what?"
He extends his hand, taking the water I got from the vending machine from my pocket, "Thank you," he blows a secret air kiss at me a before walking away. I smile. He so ugly. I sit on the bench that I planned to sit on and put my headphones in, ready to wait the two hours till he's off.
Raheem and I been together officially for bout a month and change now but it feels like it's been longer. I guess cus we skipped so many stages before we got together for real. But yeah, it's been a month. And if I'm being completely honest, I don't know what the fuck I was doing without him. I ain't never feel so sure bout anything the way I do bout him. The last time we seen each other in person, he told me he loved me. And I told him that I was in love with him. And I meant that.
After I told him that I was in love with him, he had the biggest smile on his face. Then he told me that he was deeply in love with me, tryna compete with me. Then after that we stayed in his car for a while, hugged up and shit. You know, taking in the fact that we really go together now. I felt feelings I've never felt in my life before that night. Things I thought I would never be able to feel, and even refused to feel. But Rah forces me to let my guard down without even trying. And I love and hate that about him. I'm so comfortable around him and with him.
I know we kinda moving fast when it comes to being in love and attached. But I love being around him. He's the most chill, laidback, funny, friendly, firm, simple, confident person I ever met. Yeah, I am sprung. And it's a little scary. But as long as Raheem is willing to deal with me, I don't have any plans on ever leaving him alone. I know I'm only sixteen, boutta be seventeen in four months but I feel like we're gonna be together forever. I want to be.
As I'm sitting here, now is when I decide to finally respond to all his messages by sending him a red heart. I look back up, looking into the footlocker to see if I can catch a glimpse of him, you know. Fein shit. I see him near the front of the store, talking to somebody on his walkie talkie. As he's doing that, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks it, smiling at the message I sent him. Now this nigga wanna smile. Raheem looks out the door and straight at me with his smile never falling, then winks at me in passing. I probably look like a idiot over here smiling to myself.
I occupy my time by playing games on my phone and listening to music. I'm doing all that without checking the time so that I'm not too focused on slow it's moving probably moving.
At one point, like I said she would, Taleah starts texting me and cursing me out because I left without her. But I don't care. I told her the time. But she wanted to be laid out on the phone.
Leah: i literally told u to REMIND ME when you're leaving . ur aggy asf
Me: Dont care
Leah: okay !! karma is gonna get you bitch
Me: Thats tough
Leah: omg. you're actually sick 😦
Me: Yup
She sends me a middle finger. Oh well.
I accidentally look at the time as I'm closing out of our messages and to my surprise it's only two more minutes till Raheem gets off work. My plan of not looking at the time worked cus I didn't even know that much time passed. I look in the store again, seeing him at the register ringing somebody up. When he's done, he takes off his walkie talkie and gives it to his manager I'm assuming then he walks out the store, smiling at me as he approaches. Only he could make a footlocker uniform like this good.
I stand up with his gift in hand, ready to give it to him. But the nigga bypasses the gift altogether to hug me again, placing his head on my shoulder. I put the gift on the floor for now so I can hug him back. While we hugging, I see that some of his coworkers is watching him hug me like I'm his boyfriend or something—which I am. But they don't know that.
"You so fucked up...But I missed you so much," he sighs, squeezing me tight, rocking us side to side.
"I missed you too," I respond. "This is for you," I look down at the gift on the floor. He looks at it, then smiles.
"Thanks bae," his grip around me softens, then his hands trail softly down my back until he drops them to his side so that he can pick up the gift. He peeks inside. "Why you studying me?" he questions, grinning at the basket that's filled with his favorite stuff. I laugh. I admit I study him in my free time.
He grabs my hand with his free one, pulling me with him towards the exit of the mall, reminding me of how obvious he's been making it that we more than friends. "Your coworkers saw you hug me," I tell him. If he tryna be low about being in a relationship with me, he gotta do better.
"I don't care, what the fuck," he laughs tugging me along.
"You forgot you not out?"
"I had no plans on coming out. What's understood don't need to be explained." He says. I feel that.
When we get to the back of the garage where Raheems car is the very first thing he does is put his gift in the backseat. Then, he walks around to the passenger side of the car.
He inches towards me slowly until I hit the door, and until there's no more room between us. Raheem grabs my chin then softly presses his lips onto mine. I close my eyes, wrapping one of my hands around his waist.
I keep my hand stuck to his side while he takes his time in kissing me slowly. He tries to push me up against the car more like it's anymore room left for him to. Raheem braces his hands on the top of his car, tilting his head to get even closer to me. I never knew it was possible for every kiss you have with somebody to feel as special as it does with Raheem. That sound like some sappy ass shit but it's true. After a couple seconds he smiles into the kiss, then pulls away.
"So you gon tell me what you doing here?" He kisses my cheek, "Since you wanna ignore me in the name of a suprise. Nigga had them customers complaining bout me."
"Nah say how I really had you."
"I don't know," he smiles with his head turned from me.
"Crying on the sales floor," I tease. But I can't fake like I'm not really sorry for that. It wasn't funny once I saw him keep checking his phone. "I'm just playin. Sorry I did that. I didn't think it through."
"Yeah, whatever. Just wait and see. Imma ghost you for a week."
"And imma go a year." Since he wanna drag it, the fuck.
"Now this," he throws his hands up. I guess now is the perfect time to tell him what I'm really doing here so he knows we don't have to worry about competing to ghost each other.
"I really didn't text you back cus I had a bigger surprise than me just coming down here to see you."
"Humor me," he turns his face up like he don't believe me.
"Me and my people moved down here for good."
"Nigga stop lying," he freezes.
"On you Rah, I'm serious."
"What the fuck. For real for real?"
"Yeah."
"Yoooo," he drags out slowly and dramatically, wrapping me in his arms again. I laugh against his shoulder while he buries his head in my neck. "Whats going on. You serious?"
"I'm serious," I reassure. I don't blame him for being skeptical, even though I put it on him so I hope he knows I'm being so serious.
I think this is the second time I'm making him cry today. He spending a little too much time in my neck for him to just be staying there for fun. Sure enough when he finally backs up, his eyes is watery but in a good way.
"Ain't no way. I can't believe this," he cheeses.
Raheem and I get in his car, and about ten minutes in is when he tells me he's taking me on a surprise date so we could celebrate me moving down here. I tell him that it better not be no rollerskating cus I'm not prepared for that, so he ensures me that it's not.
"I been working since ten with no break. We goin' to eat," he laughs "Imma take you to one of my favorite restaurants."
Bout five minutes later he pulls up to this restaurant called 'Bahama Breeze.' I feel like I seen my daddy drive past this place before. Before we go inside, Rah takes off his footlocker shirt and replaces it with a plain black t shirt from his backseat. He carries clothes around cus he be playing ball and be going to the gym and shit.
"Oh hi! Welcome back," A lady says to him. "Table for two?"
"Yes ma'am, thank you."
She leads us to a clean table that's in the middle of the restaurant. It ain't that packed, but the middle is the worst spot.
"Could we get one of the booths back there if its not too much trouble?" Rah asks. Damn, he's reading my mind.
"Sure!" The woman picks up the menus and brings us to a much better spot. It's a booth in the back corner. Perfect.
She puts our menus down, but Raheem takes mine from me. "Can I order for you?"
"No. I'm picky."
"Trust me. I'd never do wrong by you," he clutches the menus to his chest like it's the biggest secret in the fucking world. Imma just let him do what he wants cus he seems excited about it. I sigh, and then shrug letting him know he's free to order for me.
When a different waitress comes by to take our orders, I listen to see what he got me.
"Yeah lemme get one virgin bahamarita and one strawberry lemonde," Aight, he got one thing right long as that lemonade is mine. "And then for the appetizer we gonna do the jerk wings and the crab and cheese dip. Then we gonna have one order of jerk shrimp pasta and then one order of seafood rice. And that's all."
"Okay! Got it," the waitress smiles at us before she walks off to put out order in. When she's gone I lower my eyes at him.
"Which drink is yours?"
"Don't worry bout it—"
"And they don't got burgers here? Jerk this, jerk that."
Raheem throws his head back in laughter. No for real, where the regular food at.
"They got it but I want you to try something else. You rotate the same five foods."
"Name them." Since he thinks he knows so much.
"Easy. Burgers. Any kind of fried chicken. Mexican food. Pizza. And...chips. That's all you eat."
I stare at him for a minute, processing everything he listed.
"Shut the fuck up." I could eat more than that I just choose not to, the fuck.
"Nigga you lucky I ain't just leave it at McDonald's. You fuckin double cheeseburger," he argues.
"Double cheeseburger is crazy. Now I'm not talking," I slouch in the seat, staring out the window. He reaches his hand across the table tryna reach me.
"Now you not tawkin?" Now he mocking me. This nigga on a roll today. Nevermind what I said, I'm glad I made him cry. "Aight sorry I called you a double cheeseburger—" Good. I sit back up, and put my attention on him. "Shoulda called you a Big Mac. That's what you eat," He finishes.
"Fuck you," I laugh. He's right though.
The waitress comes with the drinks first, putting the lemonade in front of me and the other drink in front of him.
"We swapping drinks today."
Fuck no. I hold onto the cup with a hard ass grip. Raheem busts out laughing like something is funny, "Let go of the strawberry lemonade."
I don't care. I already gave up the burgers, I'm not giving this up.
"At least try it, come on. The lemonade is yours but I want you to try this one," he passes his cup to me. I'm not against trying it, I just don't want it. So, I try it like he asked. After I do, I give him a drink back but it's not the one he passed me. It's the lemonade.
"Wait, what's going on??" He frowns, wearing an amused smile. "Nigga gimme my shit."
"No." It's good, I don't wanna give it back. Raheem stares at me with a smile. Then he laughs, finally pulling the lemonade towards him. I won.
A little bit after, the waitress brings the appetizers to the table and we start at those. So far I see why this is his favorite restaurant, everything has been good so far. And Raheem busy bussin this shit down. I laugh watching the way he's putting the food away, eyes closing and everything. He slowly opens his eyes, shaking his head like he's speechless.
When the rest of our food comes out, Raheem pushes both plates and his drink towards me, suddenly gets up, then slides in on my side of the booth. "Lemme see what you think about this," he motions towards the food. "Go head."
"I don't eat that shit," I examine the rice, looking at that one seafood that looks like them plants that be eating people. I don't fuck with that at all. I had it one time before and never again. The texture is mad chewy and it tastes like the fishy ass ocean it comes from. Shit dirt. Not to mention they kinda scare me, not gon lie. Makes my skin crawl.
"What, the clams?" He laughs.
"Yeah...You like it?"
Raheem shrugs, "They aight. I got you, hold on."
I watch him as he uses his spoon to pick them out one by one, putting them on a spare appetizer plate that's at the table. He's taking this shit mad serious, digging through the food to make sure there's no more in there. But instead of occupying my time with watching what his hands are busy doing, I put my attention on his face so I can watch him while he's not looking at me. Raheem's eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are folded in concentration, making his dimples prominent on his cheeks. I really got the finest nigga on the planet. He starts smiling, saying something to me that I'm deadass not even listening to cus I'm too zoned out on him.
I watch Raheem pick one of them nasty things up and then he pushes it towards my lips. I dodge it, leaning all the way back. "Don't play," I mumble. He laughs. That thing touch my lip we breaking up.
"They all out, try it now," he says. So I do, and it's really good. Then he tells me to try the pasta next which is even better. "You like it?" He studies me for my reaction. Unluckily for him my reactions are in my mind.
"Mad good," I nod in approval. That makes him visibly proud that everything he got I ended up liking. He smiles, starting to eat himself. Us sitting on the same side and sharing from the same plates got these people sitting on the other side of the room starting and whispering about us. It's always the ugly ass people. Minding everybody else business.
Raheem uses one hand to eat and the other hand to discreetly rub circles on my knee, and up my leg while one of my hands stay right on top of his, "I'm so happy you're back and staying for good. I can't wait till you all settled in and we get to be together all the time. You back at school with me, Ivy, and Kyra. But I'm selfish so really just me," he laughs, "I could do what I promised to. Show you different things. Take you different places. Make you try new things. Finally show you what it's like being with somebody who actually loves you after being—nevermind," he says subliminally, shutting himself up by taking a bite of the food. Did I mention that he has a deep hatred for my ex. He hates him so bad.
I grab the hand that's on my knee. I don't even realize that I just got out of a different relationship majority of the time. I don't think it's something I'm suppressing either. I just think that before I was comfortable, but not happy. And now I'm both with Raheem.
Raheem sighs, leaning his head towards me, "I love you boy," he mumbles, now gazing in my eyes.
"I love you too," I stumble, getting distracted by how deep his stare is. He hums, then leans into me completely, wrapping me in a hug as he buries his head into my neck. I feel like I'm in the clouds bro. Whenever I'm with him I feel like life isn't real and I have yet to shake that feeling. I really am deeply in love. And infatuated. I never thought I could be. Not like this. Ever. I hug him back just as tight.
I accidentally catch a glimpse of the same people who are damn near foaming out the mouth now. What's even crazier is that they all the way on the other side of the room but still straining their eyes to stare at us. It's one thing to notice us hugging at a table. At the end of the day I know that's not a normal thing to see, so I don't blame nobody for glancing. But to notice and then keep staring after that is fucking weird. They got other people in here who are kissing each other, tongueing each other down and shit but it's us who's just hugging that they choose to stare at. But shockingly, I'm not that mad. At this point, that's their issue if they decide to let their food get cold just to watch some niggas hug of all things.
We finish up eating, clearing our plates. I can't lie that's some of the best food I've had since my papa stopped cooking. I admit I low key miss it but maybe being in Virginia with daddy gonna make him put that one arm to work tryna impress him by being a house husband or some shit, ion know. But this was really good.
The waitress comes around and asks us if we want dessert, but we both say no. Then of course he gotta say some gay ass shit once she walks away with his card after we argued over who would pay for like a minute, "I got mine already," he mumbles in my ear.
"Says who?" I question as we get up once the waitress returns Raheem's card.
"Says me. You bought me all my favorite snacks, you remember? I think I saw some M&Ms in there," he explains plainly. Then he grins. Yeah okay. "You got something planned for the rest of the night?" He wraps his arms around me from behind once we're out the restaurant. It's making us walk mad slow but he's not in a rush and I'm not either which he's bout to learn right now.
"Nah, why?" I answer, holding onto his hand that's resting on my chest.
"Come over," Rah kisses my cheek, "Spend time with me."
"Why?"
"Cus I missed you. And you put me through some shit today so I deserve it."
"Why?"
"Nigga don't forget I'm behind you. I could take you out right now, say why again," he wraps a loose arm around my neck. I'm not pussy.
"Why?"
Like he said he would, Raheem tightens his arm around my neck for like two seconds max. This nigga dead tryna take me out bro. That's why when he lets go, he runs from me.
"Nah come back," I wave him over. Now he dodging me. Shoulda thought first before he did it.
"Aye," he laughs, holding his hands up in surrender, "I'm sorry."
"Aight come here, I just wanna talk."
"No you don't."
"Yes, I do. Let's have a conversation."
"Bout what bae?" He backs up from me. I walk towards him, warning him not to run cus if he do he's just gonna make it worse for himself. Raheem stands there in one spot, a few feet away from his car. He's laughing but little does he know I'm boutta violate.
To fake him out, when I reach him I kiss him on the cheek so he thinks shit is sweet, but once that nigga turn around happy as fuck to unlock his car, I open neck him so bad. He grabs onto the back of his neck, wincing in pain.
"That's where they put my leukemia incisions Aj you can't play like that," he winces. Oh shit.
"You serious?" I ask, pulling him towards me. He nods, frowning. "Oh I'm sorry. I apologize," I rub the back of his neck, putting his face on my shoulder. I forget he got things going on with him I can't just be doing anything. "I'm sorry," I repeat cus he's silent on my shoulder.
His shoulders start moving up and down making me think he's crying. Making me thing I really just been going too far today. But that's until his shoulders start moving a little too fast, and I realize my shoulder feels a little too dry. I back up from him and sure enough this nigga is fucking laughing. Like laughing hard as fuck. And just for that, I push him by his shoulders so he could get away from me.
"Yo stop doing that, for real," I mumble. Raheem is still laughing away like it's funny. "You play too much," I kiss my teeth. He keeps laughing. And unfortunately for me, his laugh is contagious so soon I'm cracking a smile, trying not to laugh with him. He is too much bro. Steady lying on his cancer.
Eventually we get back in his car and start heading to his house. He says that his aunt and cousins are at a birthday party and that they shouldn't be back for a couple hours. It's not that he can't have friends over, but I just never met his aunt and I wasn't planning to for a while. I'm not good with meeting new people and I honestly think I have ptsd from meeting Zyier's mom.
Raheem drives while blasting R&B music which is his favorite. I stay quiet in the passenger seat, glancing at him every now and again to admire him. I especially get zoned into him when he grabs my hand and starts singing to me. It be songs I don't know, but the lyrics he chooses to sing make me feel some type of way. Like now.
"My whole life has changed—what he say—since you came in, I knew back then. You were that special one. I'm so in love. So deep in love. You made my life complete," he starts humming, looking back at the road. Then he starts back up again, "Boy, you open me, I'm wide open. And I'm doing things I never do. But I feel so good. I feel so good."
My face hot as fuck. I gotta combat this somehow. "Focus." That's all I got. Raheem flashes a smile at me then takes my advice, focusing on the road without letting go of my hand, pressing hard on the gas.
When we reach his house I feel like damn near half my face is melted off. Him serenading me the entire time put me in the hot seat, not that I minded. But damn. I'm flustered right now.
Like he said, we walk into an empty house. We still go straight up to his room which is in the attic of the house. I been here a couple times when he would invite me, Ivy, and Kyra over. It's nice. It's always clean and smells like his cologne and detergent. It got a lot of space too. And of course in the corner of the room he got his gaming system and chair.
"Get comfortable. Imma go wash these eight hours off me," he grabs his towel, leaving to shower. It be hot up here sometimes so I take off the hoodie to my Nike tech and just wear the white t shirt I got on underneath. I take off my shoes too so that I don't fuck up his carpet. Then after that, I spend time sitting at the edge of his bed, just waiting.
After bout thirty minutes he comes back and closes the door behind him, dressed in grey sweats and a white t shirt and socks. Always copying me. After he puts his clothes in the laundry basket, he stands in front of me and grabs my face in his hands.
"So how you feel about all this? Moving and everything," Raheem asks, rubbing his thumb across my cheek.
"Good. I'm already used to it plus I got you here. And Ivy and Kyra but don't tell them I said that."
He laughs, "Got you. So you don't think you'll miss New York?"
"No. Not even a lil bit." Brooklyn was miserable for me. I hated it for a while now. I hated the situations I found myself in. So I don't have nothing to miss about it.
Raheem nods in understanding. Then he shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm so excited." He cheeses. It still feels weird to have someone genuinely excited about me. I don't even be doing nothing for real. But I'm used to being avoided or dreaded all the time
All of a sudden, somewhere in the middle of us looking at each other, the energy shifts. One thing about us, we got a lot of tension. The physical kind. We haven't done anything about it partly because we never really got the chance to. And also because we be getting shy like last minute and end up not doing nothing for real. That's what happened the night we told each other we loved each other. Raheem loves to talk a big game but he be just as hesitant as me.
Raheem starts caressing my face again. "Lemme ask you something," he starts. I nod. "Be honest." I nod again.
"When you think bout me and you...what you see?"
"What you mean?"
When I ask that he raises his eyebrows, clearly letting me know exactly what he's talking about. Oh. That question is complicated. Sometimes I feel like I don't see nothing. I just think about the idea of it. So, I'm honest like he told me to be and tell him exactly that. "Why?" I ask afterwards.
"I just been thinking. I know we never really talk about it so I thought I should ask. I realize that this is not like my other relationships and I can't just assume what you want, feel me..." he explains. "Of course we have time to figure it out. Just been meaning to ask you seriously."
"Oh. Yeah...I mean I never..." I go silent, hoping he can fill in the blanks. "So I never been into that. But I know you coming from being used to as something else so you probably feel the same way."
"I mean...yeah. It's complicated," he rubs his hands through my hair. "I'm working on being open to it. You think you'll ever be?"
It's scary to think about being open enough to do something like that. If Raheem someway somehow ever convinced me to "be open" and end up in a situation that I have always said I'll never be in ever since coming to terms with my sexuality, then I'd know I'm really stupid for him.
"Ion know," I mumble.
Raheem takes his his hand from my hair, then puts both on my shoulders instead. He begins to push me slowly until my back hits his bed, "You don't have to know. I know," He places a kiss on my lips. As if he's tryna send hints, he hovers over me and gets between my legs. I close my eyes and kiss him back with my hand behind his head. I feel his hands trail up from my calves till they resting on the side of my upper thighs. What I will admit is that it's easy for him to get his way. I'll say that.
Since he thinks he's in control right now, I convince myself to actually match his energy to see how he reacts. So, I free my hands from the back of his neck then place them on the back of his sweats instead. And for extra emphasis so that he knows I'm not just going for anything, I throw a grab in there. You know, sum light. I pay close attention to see how Rah reacts. First he smiles. Then he backs his face up a little, beginning to say something before cutting himself off and going back to kiss me. See I ain't the only shy one. Now he knows how I feel.
"Not gon lie bae," he backs away. I look up at him, getting distracted by his glistening lips. I lean up on my elbows, waiting for him to finish. "I'm tryna do more than kiss," He suggests confidently. And there's only one way to answer that.
"What you tryna do?" I lick my lips.
Raheem bites his lip with a smile. Then he makes it clear what exactly he wants us to do. Something new for the both of us that we both are surprisingly willing and ready to do. So, we don't waste any more time, ready to finally do something other than kissing for hours.
Soon he has his hand lingering at the top of my sweats while tongue kissing me steadily. Right as he's beginning to pull them down, a sound comes from downstairs. Aint no fucking way bro.
We both hear it at the same time, stopping what we're doing immediately. That sound was clearly the sound of the door opening. And right after that sound, I heard kids talking. Raheem sighs, sitting up on the bed and straightens himself out. I sit up too, doing the same.
"It was too good to be true," he sighs. He's joking about it but I can tell he's actually disappointed. I am too. And now I don't know if I should stay and hide, leave, or what.
"What you want me to do?" I ask him.
"Nothing. You don't have to greet nobody and you don't have to hide. Just stay right here—"
"Raheem, are you home?!" His aunt yells from downstairs. He sighs.
"Yeah auntie...wassup?" He answers back, resting his head in his hand.
"Can you fix the TV for me?! Yusuf tried earlier but couldn't get it to work," she asks.
"Yeah, hold on." He grabs my hand. "Don't worry, I'll be quick. They probably just didn't plug a cord in." He explains, then leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I'm anxious as fuck sitting here. I really have no reason to be but something about being here while his family is at the same time is so nerve wrecking.
To put my nervous energy into something else, I check my phone to play a game or something. First my notifications show me that papa texted me bout five minutes ago. Maybe I should ask if I could stay out later cus it's bout to be 10 right now. Better off asking him since my daddy gonna me me anyway. I thought I was hallucinating when he did that shit.
Papa: Just checking up on you sweetheart. Everything okay?
Me: Yea can I stay out later Im wit raheem
Papa: Sure! Just keep us updated. Be safe. I love you. ❤️
I like the message. After the whole thing with losing his kids and moving, papa been mad calm. Calmer than usual. Instead of crying everyday, he's been crying every other day. He's also been happier since daddy is around now. This is the most consistent he's been since he got out. And now that we're all living together in Virginia, I'm thinking he's gonna be around for good. Hopefully things get better if that's the case. I know daddy is not off the drugs one hundred percent, but I notice he's been sober at least ninety percent of the time which is better than the zero percent it was at like two months ago. So I guess they both getting better but still need time. At least they actually trying...that's how I feel. Trying for once. Since it wasn't enough for them to try for us, maybe since they around each other they'll try for their relationship. I'll take anything that could fix a situation as toxic as that one.
Anyways, after I respond to him, I'm still too anxious to even focus on playing a game. I put my phone to the side of me, and stare at my hands just waiting.
I exhale in relief when his room door opens back up. But as it opens more I see a pigtail and my body stiffens. It opens all the way and soon I'm having a staring contest with a little girl. One of his cousins that gotta be no more than eight years old. She stares at me and I stare back at her.
"Mommy! There's a boy in Heemy's room!" She shouts.
Aint no fucking way. I run my hand over my face. You can't make this shut up. You really can not make this up bro.
"Abena, come downstairs now! What did I tell you about opening doors??" The aunt yells at her making her quickly run away. I'm fucked bro. This is exactly why I be nervous. Shit like this always happens to me. I begin put my things back on, preparing to leave. I think that was my cue.
Just as I finish putting my second shoe on, Raheem comes through the door, "I'm sorry bout that. I didn't think she woulda came up here. That was my little cousin," he walks inside. I don't blame him for that. Kids be doing anything.
"You good," I laugh nervously. He takes in my appearance, noticing that I'm standing up with my hoodie and shoes back on. He makes a disappointed face.
"Why you—" He doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence cus coming from behind him is an unfamiliar face which I'm guessing is his aunt, smiling at me from behind him. I don't know how much more of this I can take. My heart bout to come out my chest.
"Helloo," the aunt waves. Raheem glances at me, silently apologizing with his eyes. "Sorry about my daughter. Nice to meet you. I'm Aysha, Raheems aunt."
Okay. Now I can't be stand offish with his aunt. So what I'm bout to do is my best attempt at being inviting, "Nice to meet you. I'm Aj."
"Aj. I know your other friends Raheem. But I've never met this friend. He is handsome, why don't you bring him around more?" His aunt laughs. I wanna crawl into a hole. "Are you from Virginia?"
"Nah. I'm from Brooklyn. I just moved here."
"Oh really? Wow! So how did you and Raheem become friends?"
As I start to answer, Raheem interrupts probably so he could control the situation cus his aunt is asking a lot of questions. "Actually auntie..." he looks at me, then back at his aunt, "this is my boyfriend." Oh shit. She seems mad traditional and to tell her that right now is crazy. Look, even now she looks taken aback.
"Really? Are you gay Raheem?" She asks with raised eyebrows. She looks between the two of us.
"A little bit." I guess it's easier for him to say that then to try and explain being bisexual to her in case she doesn't understand. The aunt looks at me.
"And you are gay?" She asks. I nod, figuring there's no point in lying since Raheem already put us on the spot.
She nods slowly for a while, looking like she's processing everything. She finally puts her hands up. "I don't mind. I am welcoming of the gay people. It's your life. And if you are happy Raheem, I am happy. I have no problem. Yusuf feels the same way. Live your life," she expresses.
"Yeah, I'm happy," he nods. His aunt looks over at me, smiling.
"And you look more handsome when you smile," she moves her finger in a smiling motion making me smile nervously, "Much better," she says. "Okay. Are you guys hungry?"
"No we just ate auntie, thank you."
"Alright," she nods. She leaves, closing the door behind her. Soon as she's gone, I let out a breathe I been holding in for a minute now. Raheem and I share a look. There's no way that just happened. It's seeming like that's what we're both thinking right now.
"Nigga made it to the family stage," he drapes his arms around me, pushing me away from the door and back towards his bed, "And ion know where the fuck you thought you were going either."
"I was gon leave cus—"
"Shh," he kisses my neck. Even though meeting his aunt and cousin was unexpected, I'm chill right now. So I guess I can stay. When I tell him I'll stay longer, he locks his door and then tells me to take my clothes back off so we could "cuddle properly." So, I do. And when we get back in his bed that's what we do—cuddle. But the whole time, it was meant to be a distraction. We let the time pass until it's like midnight and his entire house is quiet. We spent hours watching tv and playing his game, shit like that. But once our mindless caressing became a little too mindful, the energy switched again. And then soon enough, we turn the volume up on the tv and pick up where we last left off before his people came home—uninterrupted.
This marked the first time Rah and I have ever been actually sexual with each other. Leading up to it was a little scary cus this is not what I'm used to. I'm used to always controlling the situation but to be fair, I gotta be more neutral. And in this situation, I had no choice but to be. Even though one of us is coming from being gay and the other from being straight, we both didn't know what we was doing at first. At one point I think this nigga bit me, but it's cool. I might have bit him too.
We eventually got the hang of it and I can say that it wasn't like any experience I had. It's the best experience I've had, and he said it was the same for him. Even though we both tripped up when it was our turn, once we got the hang of it it was natural. Everything I imagined. The way he was talking to me the whole time—what he was saying—regardless of if he was giving or receiving was mad different. And dangerous. I thought there was no way Raheem could infatuate me more and I clearly was wrong. He almost had me ready to say fuck it and fuck sum else. Pause. I'm playing. That's definitely a dub now that I know he don't talk a big game for no reason. That's ode.
He felt the same cus when he finished with me he started swearing up and down that we gotta figure something out cus he not letting me "near him" either, even though that's not what I was seeing by the way he was handling me, but I digress. I guess we need a intervention. Bout to just ask the OG gay nigga Ivy to figure it out.
Speaking of Ivy, he and Kyra FaceTime Raheem about ten minutes after we finished. Rah takes a break from the hands back there, lips on my neck combo he was entertaining himself with while I been straddling his lap. He answers the call, keeping me out the camera. "Yo."
"Um...where you been all day??" Kyra questions.
"With somebody who's not Aj. Lips just wet and swollen," I hear Ivy grimace.
"Waiiiit. Rah you seriously with somebody?"
"Yeah," he nods.
"Why bro. Where's Aj?" She asks.
"In Brooklyn. Fuck him," he says seriously. I laugh quietly.
"See I can't get with that. Y'all got exposed together, y'all supposed to stick together. Like what," Ivy mumbles.
"Girl get up! The nigga you're laying with likes dick and balls! Dick and balls! He twerks for a living, get the fuck up," Kyra yells. She bugging. Imagine if I really was a bitch.
"Ion twerk," Raheem laughs, "Why you trippin?"
"Raheem stop. I thought you and Aj been talking everyday," Ivy says.
"We have."
"Y'all talked today?" Ivy asks.
"Uh huh."
"So why are you—"
He passes me his phone and I turn the camera to va e me. They mad dramatic, gasping as soon as I'm in the frame.
"Chill," I laugh.
"Aj!!! Oh my God I was boutta chew his ass up," Ivy exclaims.
"No really, I was bout to go in," Kyra laughs, "Oh my gosh Aj, you in VA???"
"Yeah, I'm here. I moved back."
"Oh we fuckin lit," Ivy claps while Kyra cheers in the background in excitement. My face is hot again. They crazy. "Y'all position looks a little suspicious...what y'all was up to?" He purses his lips. Raheem and I share a look at each other. He raises his eyebrows, rubbing blistex into his lips while smiling discreetly. He takes his phone from me when he realizes that I'm stuck on what to say now. We just gonna ignore that.
"Wait, let me find out y'all made it official," Kyra raises an eyebrow. Oh yeah, I forgot Raheem been keeping it on the low. He looks me in my eyes, grabbing my face from behind the camera. I smile at him, noticing the way his eyes are glistening. I love that I can see his happiness on his face. It's validating, can't lie. Cus I overthink a lot. And when I can look at him and just tell how he's feeling, it helps.
"Yeah. That's all me," he confesses, squeezing my cheeks. "We official." If it's anybody that really should know, it's them. Even though we want our relationship to be private it would be impossible to hide it from them.
"What?? For how long?" She asks eagerly.
"Over a month."
"Bitch gimme my fucking money!" Ivy screams. "Give me my twenty dollars!! I told you!"
Kyra sighs dramatically on the other end, "That's craaaaaazy. I thought Aj woulda wanted to take it slow."
"No bitch we soon as Raheem started mumbling on those calls while we were around, I knew they had made it official. Boys only mumble like that when they sweet talking." That's funny. He do be mumbling sometimes. "Awww, y'all so perfect. I love this."
"Yes you guys are too fucking cute. We seen it coming," Kyra smiles big. "Ray J is y'all couple name." Fuck no.
A little bit after, Ivy and Kyra suggest that we come get them so Rah can take them to 7/11. After a little bit of begging, Rah asks if I'm with it and of course I say yeah. Like I said, I ain't in the business of stopping bags. So, we put our things back on and leave his house by 12:45am, picking up both Kyra and Ivy by 1am. I made sure to text both my parents and tell them what I was doing. That's so my daddy don't get on my ass. They respond fast as fuck, telling me okay and to keep them updated.
When Ivy and Kyra get in the car they start hyping us up, shaking our shoulders and shit. I smile in my seat, staring out the window. I feel like my papa today bro. Blushing for no fucking reason. At least nobody can tell.
"Aww, he's blushing," Kyra squeals. Aight now what the fuck. Raheem looks at me, smiling when he notices. How they notice, I couldn't tell you. And of course Ivy and Kyra gonna make this whole situation worse by telling a story about us.
"I'll never forget day one," Ivy starts from the backseat, putting a hand on my shoulder, "After that day in the gym Rah was like 'What y'all think about the new kid?' And me and Kyra being us were like 'I don't know, he's quiet.' Then Kyra was like 'He's cute though.' Then Raheem gon go in a serious ass voice, 'Yeah he is. I want him.' We knew Rah was curious, but never serious. He never had a real crush on a boy. So that was like woah. Then afterwards he said—what he said Kyra?"
"Oh yeah! He was like 'Y'all think he into niggas like me?' And me and Ivy were confused cus we were like... 'He has a boyfriend already' you know, like where we going with this. Lemme tell you—This nigga Rah is a demon. He said—"
"No let me say it! He said: 'If his nigga fuck with me he not coming home," Kyra and Ivy exclaim in sync. "Oh my God bitch I was goneeeee-uh," Ivy finishes, cracking up in the back with Kyra who's just as weak. Man I been knew Rah was on that type of timing. He ain't never backed down.
Raheem looks over at me with this look in his eye. It's a mix of excitement, shyness, and confidence. See that's one of the many things I love about him. No matter what he's always sure about himself. Always confident. That's how he got me.
"Now look who's home with me," he looks me up and down then flashes the finest smile, the finest dimples, and the sexiest look coming from the most attractive, perfect, handsome, irresistible boy ever. I can't take this right now. While Ivy and Kyra are in the back squealing and shit, I'm drowning them out just tryna figure out how we could make arrangements for later. What them bitches be saying? Till my jaw lock. Deadass.
~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
🤗
Thoughts on...
Ant?
Cam?
Aj?
Leah?
Other?
hope you guys enjoyed this (very important) chapter! a lot of love going on. 🥹and new beginnings, newwwww beginnings...
and y'all see i stuck to my fav word "SOON"so no more dragging me i insist
8 chapters left yall!!! im so excited
ily and see u *soon* 💓💓💓