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No One Is to Blame: Howard Jones
"Hey." Clark says as I open my dorm room with my electric guitar around my neck.
"Hey." I reply. "What's up?"
"I had to pick up some tractor parts for my dad, and I was thinking of you, so I brought you some brain food. I remembered Thai is is your favorite." He holds up a takeout bag.
"Thanks." I turn and set my guitar down on my bed.
"Anytime." He sets the food on my desk.
"You're playing again?"
"Have to for class."
"What class?"
"M204. Musical instruments, sound, perception and creativity."
"All of those which you're good at."
"Not good enough just yet." I grab my drumsticks and push my drum set back against the wall.
"You got a drum set?" Clark questions.
"Jim got it for me last week. Speaking of Jim, did you see him when he was not-so-subtlety stalking me on the first day?"
"Yeah, um, we ran into each other. Asked how me and my parents were doing. Helped me find my way around campus when I got lost." He nods and I nod back before setting my drumsticks on my desk. "Hey, where's Margo?"
"In her three hour Psych class. Hence the reason I'm doing all of this now. Her misophonia is crazy."
"Misophonia?"
"It's a hate to certain sounds. They trigger you, give you a panicked or irritated reaction. And there's even a knowable cause of it. But it appears more commonly in people who also have OCD anxiety disorders."
"Wow. I didn't know that."
"Glad I could be of service." I close my books and put them in my backpack.
"So how are you doing?"
"I'm fine, why?" I close my laptop before a piece of paper is slipped under my door. I walk over and I pick it up. I unfold it and it's another picture of Jerome with the word KILLER written across on it. I crumble it up and throw it into the garbage. "Thanks for the food, but I gotta leave in ten for an appointment."
"Are you sick?"
"No. Getting another tattoo."
"You are?"
"That's what I said." I check the time on my phone before slipping it in my jean pocket.
"What are you getting?"
"10/13/04. The day I met Jim and Harvey. Don't tell them, though."
"I won't. That's really nice. Where are you getting it?"
"My arm." I look at my left forearm.
"You need a ride?"
"No. I have my car. Besides, I'm eighteen now. I don't need anyone's signature anymore."
"You should really eat before you go."
"You just said that like I have anorexia." I turn to face him.
"No, I didn't, I—I just haven't seen you in the dining hall lately is all. And I know you have a lot of work from your classes, so, I just wanna make sure you're on track."
"Appreciate the concern, but I don't need a bodyguard."
"Maybe you do." Clark tells me.
"I can feed myself." I assure.
"I wasn't talking about that."
"Then what are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"No, I don't. But I'll make sure to think about it on the way. I'm running late." I leave my dorm and walk down the hallway with a tight chest.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Well, thanks, Lois. You know, there's nothing more valuable than the savvy political advice of a muffin-peddling college dropout. Speaking of, do you have banana/blueberry today?" I hear Lex as I make my way over.
"No. That's on the weekends." I nod. "You have a problem with my service or who I chose to give said service, you talk to me or Arielle. That's what professionals do. You don't need to be bagging millions in order to do basic home ec skills. And you may own a lot of establishes, but not this one. So either you order something else to go or you do." I go into my hoodie pocket. "Get out." I show a copy of my badge to the camera men and they quickly clear out. I place the copy of my badge back into my hoodie pocket and walk behind the counter. "You okay? You wanna go home, by all means."
"You kidding? Everyone here is so cool. Even Johnny and Ed." Lois waves to the pair who are standing on each sides of the doors and they return the action.
"Yeah, they are pretty cool." I wave at them and they wave back before pushing Lex and his camera men out.
"So, what's up?"
"Just checking in. Miles told me about Kent's mom. I'm on my way to visit at the hospital. Thought I get some food for them before I go."
"Well, lucky for you, I just had a feeling that Amazing Agent Brady would be stopping by, so I had this tucked away." She pulls a bag out from under the counter and I take it. "Don't worry, I didn't cook it, Arielle did. I just told her what to make you."
"Thanks." I scoff. "And don't worry, you'll learn. I'll teach you if you want."
"How could I ever be more honored?"
"We'll start with a pie when I get back." I chuckle before turning.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Jon?" I enter the hospital before pulling my hood off my head.
"Brianna." Jonathan pulls me into him before placing his hand on the back of my head. "You okay?" He whispers.
"Yeah." I murmur.
"How's school?"
"Good." I nod. "Miles told me what happened. How is she?"
"Well, they...they don't know what it is, but they did give us some antibiotics and said I should call if anything got worse. So, c'mon."
"They're just gonna let her come home?" Clark questions.
"Clark, the doctor said her vital signs are perfectly normal." Jonathan tells him.
"Normal? I found her unconscious in the middle of the driveway. That's anything but normal."
"Is there something you're not telling me, son?"
"I'm just worried about mom."
"Me too. But don't worry, she's gonna be fine. C'mon." Jonathan leads me and Clark with him. "We've all been calling you nonstop. Where you been for the past two weeks, huh?" He wraps his arm around my neck before squeezing me.
"School, Bruce's, my boyfriend's school." I tell him.
"Yeah? Who's the lucky guy?"
"Hayden." I press the button for the elevator.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it." Chloe breaks the silence as I help her clean her new desk at the Planet.
"Anytime." I put some pens and pencils in her holder that I bought at the stationary store.
"So, what's next on the Detective Brady schedule?"
"Haven't gotten any calls from Jim or Harvey, I'd take it as a good sign." I swallow.
"Paper's been a little quiet too."
"No big headlines means people aren't getting killed in my book. I'll take it any day."
"Miss Sullivan." I hear Lionel say. "Brianna."
"Lionel." I walk past him. "You can head out. I got the last pile." I tell Chloe and get to the file cabinets in the back to put some folders inside.
"Mister Luthor. What are you doing here?" Chloe asks and I listen in.
"You have made it...to the major leagues. Congratulations." Lionel hands her a bouquet of flowers from the corner of my eye.
"Thank you."
"Very, very nice. You've done quite well for yourself. I am certain that, sooner than later, you're gonna be working upstairs under the tiffany lamps. A big story certainly would accelerate the process. Not that, um...obituaries and uh, wedding announcements don't inspire scintillating journalism."
"If you're trying to feed me some sort of self-promoting fluff piece, I'm not interested."
"Uh, how does it go? You can put a tuxedo on the fiddler, but he's still gonna play the same old tune."
"That's good. You should jot that down and add it to your page-a-day calendar. I gotta go."
"Miss Sullivan, your creative passion will always be for the bizarre and the inexplicable. That's why I think you're the perfect reporter for this story." Lionel inquires and I put some folders inside.
"You have one minute. The clock is ticking." Chloe walks back over.
"It, uh, seems there is, uh, someone at Central Kansas University who has the astounding ability to run at virtually the speed of light. Have you ever heard of such a thing?"
"School is located in Smallville, meteor freak capital of the world."
"This person can lift an automobile with one hand, can, uh, create fire with the blink of an eye. It's extraordinary."
"It sounds like a bit of a stretch, even for me. Do you have any proof?"
"Well, if we had proof, there wouldn't be any need for investigative reporting, now would there? The person's name is Milton Fine. He is a professor of world history."
"Why did you come to me?"
"Frankly, I didn't think Time Magazine would be interested. Good day, Miss Sullivan."
"Last pile is done." I close the cabinet.
"Thank you so much again, Brianna." Chloe walks over.
"Yeah." I nod and she hugs me. "What's this for?"
"You know." She whispers. She squeezes me, but I keep my hands to my sides. "Whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here. Always."
"I gotta go." I pull away and leave.
"Brianna." Lionel says.
"The hell do you want?" I turn around. "If it's about Lex, his whereabouts don't concern me anymore. Not in the slightest." I turn.
"I want to make sure you're alright." He stops me.
"Aren't you a peach." I pull away and make my way to the elevator.
"Brianna." He follows. "I read the papers. About your Captain, and Jerome Valeska. Brianna...my sincerest condolences. I heard Captain Essen was an extraordinary woman, an even better leader."
"You trying out what it's like to have feelings or something?" I scoff the press the bottom button.
"You have no right to listen to anything I say, I know that. But I can't imagine what it would've been like to be there, to witness that. What you did, you did not kill Jerome Valeska. You honored your Captain. You made the world a safer place. You had every right to do what you did. And I think you know that. But I also think you feel guilty for knowing that. And you shouldn't. You're not a killer, Brianna. Quite the contrary. What you did, takes more than just guts. It takes honesty, and courage, and bravery, and strength. Strength, what you've always had."
"You write this speech on your way here?" I press the bottom button again.
"You're not wearing your badge. And it's not in your pockets. You've taken a step back, you haven't told anyone. And I completely understand. That's very bold. It's also good." He gently places his hand on my shoulder and I look down at it. "You know your limits, when to step back, clear your mind until everything isn't so foggy anymore. But you and I both know just because you've turned in that badge doesn't mean you're going to stop working. Because you always finish what you start. And I know we've had our differences, and it's mostly on my part, but I really want you to know that I am here if you ever need anything." He nods.
"Thanks for the kind offer, but I have everything I need. Always have." The elevator doors open.
"What happened with you and Lex? Did you have a fight?"
"A fight? No." I chuckle. "He's not even a worthy enough opponent to get into my ring." I head inside and the doors close.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Professor." Clark heads over to Professor Fine as I walk a few feet behind them.
"What, are you shaking me down for lecture notes, or are you ready to begin your independent study?" Professor Fine questions.
"A mark showed up on my mom. The doctors don't know what it is."
"Describe it to me."
"It's like a bruise, with veiny strands."
"Did it start on her left shoulder?"
"Yes."
"Your father tortured his dissidents on Krypton the same exact way." Professor Fine informs and my eyes widen.
He's a Kryptonian. Holy shit.
"What?" Clark gapes.
"I don't suppose I can hide the truth from you any longer. He was a violent dictator. He ruled over Krypton with an iron grip of fear and intimidation. Anybody who spoke out against him was locked away...even the great hero of the people...Zod." He sighs. "Maybe if he hadn't been captured, Zod could've stopped your father from eviscerating the planet."
"My father destroyed Krypton?"
"Billions of people died. But he made sure his only son survived—all so that one day you could conquer the human race...and re-create Krypton on Earth."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Believe what you will. My concern is for your mother's health. I need to see her immediately."
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Alright, look, my—my wife needs medical attention. You're obviously not a doctor, so why don't you make this easier on both of us and just get out of my way." Jonathan says as I walk up the steps of the Kent house with my hood over my head and my bandana covering my face and a meteor rock in my hoodie pocket.
Love doing research.
"Dad, the doctors couldn't help. At least let him take a look at her." Clark tells him.
"It's been a day and a half since you fell unconscious?" Professor Fine questions.
"Yes, exactly." Martha tells him.
"Clark, go out and get the truck. Martha, I'm taking you back to the hospital, sweetheart. C'mon." Jonathan urges.
"The doctors can't treat her, Mister Kent, trust me. If they puncture her skin or use any medication, it could kill her instantly." Professor Fine tells him.
"Why should I trust you?"
"Cause he's Kryptonian. This could be a Kryptonian disease." Clark inquires.
"Clark-"
"Mom! Mom?" He panics and I see Martha convulsing through the screen door.
"What's happening?"
"She needs a meteor rock. Do you have a meteor rock?" Professor Fine asks and I rush into the house before quickly sliding the meteor rock across the floor so I don't make it glow out.
"Hey." Clark turns to face me and Jonathan grabs the meteor rock before I run back out. "Wait!" He shouts and I stop, keeping my back turned to him. "When Jor-El brought me back to life, he warned me someone close to me would have to die! I'm gonna go talk to him. You know where to find me. And thanks for the meteor rock!" He calls out and I continue running.
Kent died? What the fuck.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Kal-El, why have you come?" Jor-El asks as I listen in from a few feet away in the Fortress of Solitude.
"Please! Do whatever you want to me! Leave my mother alone!" Clark tells him.
"I have caused your mother no harm."
"No! Don't lie to me! If I would've known someone close to me would die, I would've given up my life in a second!"
"It was you who chose to give up your powers and turn your back on me."
"Please let her live!"
"I am sorry, my son. The wheel of fate has already been set in motion. Even you cannot alter destiny."
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"If anyone is strong enough to get through this...it's you, sweetheart. You can't give up. You can't give up." Jonathan shakes his head as Martha lays on the couch with a meteor rock in her hands.
"I won't let you die, Martha." I grab her hand. "It's gonna be okay. We're gonna figure the out."
"You and Clark." Martha wheezes.
"What about us?"
"Clark told me that you've been pulling away from
him a lot."
"It's not him, it's me. Ever since, uh...ever since Essen and Jerome, I just—I can't deal anymore. I left the GCPD."
"What?" Jonathan questions.
"I'm not working for another Captain. My days there ended when Essen died. And killing Jerome, that finished it. I can't go back there, Jon. I won't." I shake my head before him and Martha hug me.
"We're so proud of you." Martha whispers. "Essen is too. You've done so much. For them. For Bruce. For all of us."
"And if leaving the GCPD is what's best, then it's what's best. We support you." Jonathan now pulls away and grips my shoulders. "Every step of the way."
"Thanks, Jon." I whisper.
"Clark also said you were getting a tattoo."
"Yeah, um, I was on my way and then Miles called about what was happening."
"Oh, Brianna, we're so sorry. We didn't wanna-"
"Jon, don't. I can inked anytime I please. You're more important." I nod.
"Brianna."
"Yeah?"
"What you did that night...that's not just something you can forget about." Jonathan grips my shoulder and I thickly swallow. "What you did was courageous, and right, and something that will always stick with you. It's a part of you now. So I want you to promise me that you won't let it consume you. That you won't blame yourself for doing what was necessary. Promise me that if and when you think about it, you will come to me."
"I promise, Jon." I say after a few seconds and he pulls me into him. "And I'm sorry I scared you guys that night. I just...I'm still working through what happened."
"I know. And we will be here whenever you're ready to talk about it. Always."
"Jon."
"Yeah?"
"Why didn't you tell me he died?" My eyes start to water before a knock on the door is made.
"I'll be right back." He gets up and answers the door.
"Mister Kent, I'm so sorry, but I have to find Clark and Brianna." Chloe enters.
"He's not here, Chloe." I walk over to her.
"He's not with his professor, is he?"
"Uh, yeah, they went to the cave."
"I've gotta get to him. Okay, Milton Fine is not your ordinary PhD."
"We know all about him. He's trying to help with Martha." Jonathan nods and I do so as well.
"I don't know how helpful he's actually gonna be." Chloe tells me and my face shifts.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Ah!" Chloe jumps as I place my hand on her shoulder with my hood over my head and my bandana covering my face. "You again. Thank God." She hugs me and I follow her gaze to the white circle on the floor of the cave. "C'mon, Clark and Milton are down here!" She starts running and I follow her.
We get to the circle and Chloe picks up the disc. She sets inside the slot and we transport into the Fortress of Solitude. I shield Chloe from the harsh wind and she holds my arms. I now spot Clark laying on his back with a meteor rock in his chest.
"Clark? Clark!" She shouts and I pull the meteor rock off his chest.
I throw it and then help Clark sit up. Clark now gets on his feet and places his hands on my waist. He easily picks me up and sets me down to the side with Chloe. I now shield Chloe by standing in front of her.
Clark grabs a sword from the ice pick pile and Fine super speeds towards him. Clark throws him back and I look up at the sound of rumbling. Clark turns to us before Fine lands behind him. Fine zaps Clark with his heat vision and he falls straight down.
Glass shatters and Clark lands on his back. Fine super speeds down and goes to stab Clark with the sword. Clark holds him off before I take a leap down. I land on my feet and I put Fine in a chokehold. I yank him off Clark before throwing him all the way back.
Ice picks protrude through him and the sword falls from his hand. I now help Clark up and his eyes dart around my face. Fine now turns his head and liquid pours from his mouth and eyes before he disappears.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"You know, next time I head up North, I've gotta remember to pack a parka." Chloe inquires as I listen in from outside the Kent house.
"How'd you get up there, anyway?" Clark wonders.
"You left your key in the cave. And our little hooded friend happened to have accompanied me. I don't know how she wasn't freezing. Seriously, Clark, you've gotta be more careful. I mean, if I can get up there, anyone can."
"You know, Professor Fine said that human beings were insignificant and couldn't be depended on. He obviously didn't know you very well."
"Please. Robo-Professor knows as much about human nature as R2-D2. What was he, anyway? I mean, I saw him materialize from a bunch of nuts and bolts that spilled out of the spaceship."
"I guess he was some sort of Kryptonian artificial intelligence."
"So what did he want with you?"
"He wanted me to help him free a rebel Kryptonian named Zod. What I still don't understand is how you got onto Fine's trail."
"You're not gonna like this very much. Lionel Luthor gave me the lead."
"Lionel? How'd he know about Fine?"
"I have no clue. But I hope he doesn't know about the spaceship. You know, Clark, you should really get ahold of that thing before somebody else beats you to it. Incase our little hoodie friend isn't there on times
"There's a problem. I checked out that warehouse you told me about. The ship's gone."
"Well, master of the shell game must have moved it."
"Or..." Clark trails off.
"Or what?" Chloe asks.
"Or I have a bigger problem than I thought. This is gonna be tough to tell Brianna. I know she really liked him. What the hell am I supposed to say when she doesn't wanna talk to anyone right now?"
"I'll tell her. I don't want your guys's first words to each other in weeks to be about the death of a Kryptonian artificial intelligence."
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Good evening, Brianna." Lionel walks down the stairs of my house as I come back from my run.
"You're trespassing." I pull down my headphones, letting them hang around my neck.
"Your mother said I could wait out here. She's a lovely woman, and your brother is an exact reflection of you. Such a lively young man."
"If you came all this way just to tell me about my family tree-"
"No, no. This time it will be very brief."
"Glad to hear it." I wipe my jaw on my shoulder.
"I didn't take you as someone for a mile run, but there you go again, surprising me."
"It's three miles." I clarify and he smirks. "You have fifty seconds."
"You and Lex used to be so close. You're one of his greatest friends, Brianna. You're good for him. You've changed him, I've seen it, but now he's spiraling back down to his old ways. You don't come over to the mansion anymore, you haven't been to the movie theater and the bowling alley for as long I've been out of prison, he flinches when I mention your name, but he hasn't drank. Not an ounce since his days in Belle Reve. So, that gives me a little bit of hope that your bridge is not completely broken. So, I would just like you tell me if something happened. Did you have a falling out? Did he hurt you?"
"If Lex is spiraling back into his old ways, it's not because of me. It's because of himself and the choices he made knowing what the outcome would be. Sound familiar?" I walk past him and head inside the house before my phone rings.
•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•
"Hey." I walk up the stairs of the loft.
"Hey." Clark gets up from the couch.
"Chloe told me about Fine."
"I'm sorry. I know you liked him."
"He was alright." I shrug. "Your mom's okay?"
"Yeah. She's gonna be alright. She fought off the disease."
"Good." I nod. "You okay?"
"Yeah. You?"
"I'm fine." I shift in my stance.
"Listen, um, when I saw mon laying there, so weak, so...powerless, watching her slowly slip away, I understand now what you must've felt when your father got shot. Finding him in the street and...and not being able to do anything to help him. I hated that feeling, and I never wanna feel it again."
"We can't always get what we want."
"Don't I know it?" He scoffs. "Is that how you felt? When it happened."
"In the moment, yeah." I nod. "But when he stopped breathing, so did I. When he died, I died with him, I guess. And then it all went numb, kind of a blur too. It was just hollow. But when I collapsed that night, I never felt more alive. When they revived me, everything was in color again. I don't know how, or why, or if it was the drugs, but...I think doing what I did saved me. I'm probably not even making any sense, but-"
"No, you are. It was like a wake up call. You got a second chance."
"Yeah. But thankfully, that didn't happen to you. And your mom's okay." I cross my arms.
"So did you get your tattoo?"
"Yeah. I just got back. Gotta leave this on for another day incase of infection." I look at the small patch on my forearm.
"Jim's gonna flip. Harvey will probably make a million jokes and then flip out too."
"Yeah, probably."
"So you wanna tell me what happened that night?" Clark tilts his head.
"You saw it on the big screen, didn't you?" I mimic his action. "You died?"
"I was shot...and my lung collapsed, but, they—I got lucky. Miles donated blood."
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"I came back, I didn't wanna worry you." He shrugs and I clench my jaw before slapping him across the face, making his head whip to the side.
"You son of a bitch." I shakily whisper before turning.
"Brianna." He turns me back around.
"You son of a bitch!" I go to hit him again, but he grabs my wrist.
"I'm sorry." He leans his head against mine. "I'm so sorry." He sighs and I harshly push him back.
"Who shot you?"
"It doesn't matter." He shakes his head. "But what does matter is that I'm alive. I'm standing right in front of you." He nods.
"Is that what the bandage is for?" I look at his side and he follows my gaze. I now slowly pull up his shirt and look at the bandage, covering the scar we both know isn't there. "I saw it when we were at the lake." I place my hand on his side and gently run my thumb on the edge of the bandage. "Still hurts?"
"Yeah. I'm still healing."
"Good." I pull my hand away and let go of his shirt.
"So you and Hayden."
"Yeah." I nod. "You seeing anyone?"
"No." Clark replies.
"You will. You'll find that person someday."
"But what if I already did?"
"Is this someone I know? From school?"
"No. You know that girl in the hood I told you about?"
"Yeah, what about her?" I bite the inside of my cheek.
"She was here again. I saw her. She saved my
mom, Chloe, me. And she has the most beautiful eyes."
"How beautiful are we talking here?"
"Eyes like the Caspian Sea."
"So you like this girl for her eyes."
"I don't know." Clark sighs. "But she's always here. Helping me, my friends, my parents. Like you."
"Kent, I don't know who she is. I've never even seen this girl in action."
"I know." He nods. "So where does Hayden go to school?"
"Brooklyn College." I tell him.
"My parents said you left the GCPD."
"I'm not working for another boss. My days there are done. Besides, I originally made a promise to Bruce, and I intend to keep it. No matter how long it takes."
"Have you talked to someone?"
"What?" I furrow my eyebrows.
"You should talk to someone about it. Essen. Jerome."
"I killed Jerome. Avenged Essen. There's nothing to talk about." I slowly clench my fists and he looks down before opening my hands.
"Because you already are talking to someone about it. Right?" Clark looks up at me. "You can talk to me." He whispers. "I want you to. Talk to me."
"I don't grieve killers." I half whisper. "Jerome wanted a show and I gave him one. The whole world saw it, there's nothing left to say."
"Then why was I scaring guys off who were trying to torment you using clown masks? Why was I standing outside your dorm every night to make sure no one sneaks in and tries to fake an emergency to get you out of your room? Why was I checking your dorm every day before you get there to make sure no one snuck in and planted anything that could hurt you? Why was I ripping up stupid messages that kids have been passing in class, trying to give it to you? Why am I still doing that even though those kids got expelled? And after what those bastards did to you on campus and that message they slipped under your door-"
"You tell me because I never asked you to do that!" I pull my hand away from his. "I don't need protection. Most of all yours."
"Right, because your boyfriend is doing a much better job."
"Okay, you need to tell what your problem is with him. Now."
"Why don't you go ask him yourself? He's your boyfriend after all. Let me know what he says so I can fix his mouth for him." Clark inquires.
"Who even are you?" I whisper. "And you better figure it out fast because whatever shit you got going on, you do not wanna test it on me. If you think you can use me as your own personal doormat, you're fucking crazy." I turn and walk down the stairs with a clenched jaw.
He better get himself straight.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE
🪐🌙✨🚀🌌☄️
the REAL reason fine died
throwing UP
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