After the race, where Charles finished fourth, the drivers were on summer break. So we said goodbye to everyone as we wouldn't see them for three weeks. That wasn't too odd for me, but for the drivers, that's a long time where they're not seeing each other after being used to seeing each other with only a week at most away from each other.
We all flew home to Monaco. Charles and I to pack for Greece, Evie and Pierre to pack for France and most of the drivers just to spend some time at home.
Charles and I spent one night at home, where I spent the evening by Jules' grave to bring him flowers, and I ended up talking to him again, that stone. In the morning, Arthur drove us to the airport. Well, Pascale was very sure to let us know what she was worried about and Arthur tried his best to make her shut up and let us leave without being traumatized.
As soon as we landed in Greece, we put sunglasses on and I added a hat as I was scared of being recognized. We had to get our luggage, take a taxi to the ferry and then we were off to Serifos, the little island we were going to be staying on. We thought that the smaller the island, the smaller the chance of people finding out we were there. I also sent Evie a picture that Arthur had taken of me at home in my bedroom and gave Evie the instructions to post it before leaving for France and I told Arthur to literally post any old picture of me if he sees people speculating.
When arriving on the island, we found a grocery store where we bought lots of food and other things we might need for the week. The fewer times we needed to go down to the town for food, the better. Then we found a taxi to take us to the house, secluded out in the middle of nowhere. The owner of the house we'd rented met up with us, gave us the key and a quick tour before leaving us there to start our vacation.
There was a large kitchen attached to the living room and almost everything was white and blue with some black around every door and window. There were doors in every room that led out to either the patio or to the yard. The backyard had a pool, sunbeds and it was overlooking the ocean, only some cliffs between the house and the blue, glittering sea.
I loved the house, I loved the island, I loved being there with him just knowing we had a full week completely to ourselves. The thing was, the owner of the house shut the door on her way out, and we were hit by complete silence. There was no need for us to make a single noise and there was no one else making any noise. Not Arthur, Evie, Pierre, Max or anyone or anything else. It was a deafening silence we weren't quite used to. We look at each other and both of us just let out a sigh.
The first thing he did was to unpack his suitcase, and I went to unpack mine too, for once. But he's a guy and he packs the amount I'd pack for three days, so he was finished long before me. So while I was next to the bed folding my clothes, he showed up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me tightly so his chest was pressed tightly to my back, which made it a lot harder to keep folding my clothes.
"Charles-" I tried.
"Vous pouvez le terminer plus tard," You can finish it later, he says, placing a kiss on my cheek, then another one, then another, and then he loosened his grip just to be able to move himself a little to the side. He grabbed my chin and kept my face in place as he kept kissing over my face.
"Ou je peux le finir maintenant et nous avons tout l'après-midi et toute la soirée pour faire autre chose." Or I can finish it now and we have all afternoon and all evening to do something else.
Charles sighs and sits down next to my clothes on the bed, and he watches me. He says something about me being too slow so he starts to fold my clothes for me, handing them to me so I can put them away. Then he takes my makeup into the bathroom along with my curling iron and my straightening iron.
When he comes back he gets a bikini out for me and he tells me to change while he changes into his swim trunks. We go for a swim in the pool and then I try to work a bit more on my tan while getting a book out. Charles lies down in the sunbed next to me and scrolls on his phone, but when he got bored, he went over to lie down right on top of me, his head on my chest.
When the sun started setting, Charles moved his head up to kiss me to distract me from my book. I had made it almost all the way to the middle of the book, but he pulled my face to kiss his and I dropped the book next to the sunbed and tangled my fingers in his hair as his hand roamed the bare skin wherever my bikini wasn't touching. We spent another twenty minutes out there just kissing, making out, touching, before I pushed him off to go inside and make dinner.
I washed off before making dinner, but I settled on a pair of sweatpants and a bralette because it was hot and I wanted to be comfortable. While I start the food, Charles washes off and comes out in only sweatpants as well, joining me in the kitchen. As I'm cutting some vegetables, he starts kissing my neck, down to my shoulder and up my neck again, while his hands slide to my stomach to push me back against him.
"Je cuisine maintenant," I'm cooking now, I laugh, looking over my shoulder at him. He uses the moment to catch my lips and start kissing my lips again. I drop the knife and I turn around to face him with my back against the counter, my hands going to grip it.
The kiss deepens as he puts his hands next to mine to let him lean onto the counter as well, with me between his arms. My head starts spinning a little as his lips move quickly with mine, his tongue brushing past mine everytime our lips part. I have to let go of the counter to wrap my arms around him, just to touch him. The skin of my bare arms goes flush against the skin of his waist and his back. I think I get goosebumps from the touch.
His right hand lets go of the counter, grabbing my waist to pull me even closer. My eyebrows go together, because I feel so much in my body that it hurts. Somehow, it feels like I might explode.
Maybe I should stop this before something happens... but what if I want it to happen?
The mere thought makes a whimper come from my throat, making Charles seem even more desperate to get me closer. My hands slide over his abs, his chest, his shoulders before wrapping around his neck. My stomach and chest pressed against his. We're as close as we can be.
With his arms wrapped tightly around my back, he lifts me up to sit on the counter and it allows me to wrap my legs around his hips. He lets go of my lips and he starts kissing down my jaw and on my neck while I start to breathe heavier and my heart beats faster.
"Charles," I breathed out, making him immediately stop the trail of kisses on my neck and looking up at me, afraid he did something wrong. "Toute à l'heure," Later, I tell him softly, because I need to make dinner for us.
He nods with a smile, looking clearly relieved that he hadn't done something wrong, and then he takes a short step back, letting his hands run down my thighs until he reaches my knees where he takes his hands off of me. I already miss his touch. Please touch me again, anywhere.
But he doesn't, he steps aside and starts cutting the vegetables that I was cutting up before. I sit next to him working on the counter and I just look at him in awe for a second, but when he meets my eyes and smiles, I think I drown in the air. He lets out a chuckle and raises his eyebrows while shaking his head.
"Cuisinons alors, allez," Let's cook then, come on, he says, making me jump off the counter and go to prepare the chicken I was cooking.
He helps me with the salad and then he takes plates out along with glasses. Since I don't really like wine, we bought cider that he poured up for the both of us as I prepared our plates to make them look a little fancy. Then we just went to sit on the couch, watching the TV that was showing French dubbed to Greek, which was kind of hilarious so we didn't change it. We just sat there next to each other, knowing exactly what they were supposed to be saying, but hearing them say it in Greek.
We finished our dinner and then just cuddled on the couch. Well... define cuddling how you wanted but in case Pascale asks, it was cuddling, because let's not talk about the hands.
The next morning, we woke up, made out, got into swimwear and went out to the pool. I read in the sun and Charles served me fruit, he threw me in the pool and we played around like children as we were splashing water at each other. We got closer and made out until it was time to make lunch.
We ate on the patio in the sun, looking down at the sea. After lunch we put shoes on but didn't bother getting dressed as we walked down to the sea. The beach was secluded between the cliffs and we couldn't see anyone anywhere near us. We spent the afternoon by the sea and as I forced sunscreen on him to prevent him from getting a painful sunburn from being in the sun all day, we ended up on the towels making out.
It was getting ridiculous really, but we couldn't help it.
We made dinner together, made out while doing it, making it take a lot longer than it's supposed to, but eventually we sat down outside to eat together. We could see the moonlight reflecting on the water and further away we could see the lights from the city.
It was getting more normal for us to not wear clothes than to wear them, we were walking around in our swimwear all the time. I was in either a large t-shirt or just a skirt or sweatpants, while Charles only threw on a t-shirt when the sun went down but didn't bother changing out of his swim trunks. So I had just thrown a large shirt over my body before making dinner.
We sat down next to the pool with our feet dipped in it. We called our parents quickly to let them know we were alive. We scrolled through Instagram and saw that they had seen Charles walking through the airport in Athens, but I had luckily been in the bathroom. People had just barely begun to speculate about who his trip was with, some people guessing it was me, when Evie posted the photo of me in my bedroom, making people confused.
Suddenly, people seemed so upset about Charles not being with me. They hated when they thought we were dating, but now they're upset that we aren't? Some people straight up refuse to believe that we aren't dating and some people still like to talk bad about us as if we've confirmed anything, even though all Charles has done has been confirming his breakup with Lucie. It was quick and simply a journalist asking him: "We haven't seen Lucie in a while, are you still together?" and Charles simply said a short "No."
Can we please get a repeat of last summer from Charles and Céline?
I was so happy about getting Charles and Céline content from Greece, but apparently she's still in Monaco?
You cannot convince me that Charles isn't in Greece with Céline? Who else would he be there with?
I can't be the only one thinking that Charles and C would be adorable together???
I don't like to read what they say on Twitter, because it always ends up hurting my feelings or making me uncomfortable. I usually stay away from my Instagram comments as well. But I read a few of them over Charles' shoulder before he put his phone away.
Swiftly, he turned to me, pulled the shirt over my head and threw it to the side before pulling his own shirt over his head. I knew what he was doing, so I tried to stand up from the sunbed and run away from him, but he was quick to grab my hips and pull me back against him before dragging me along with him to the edge of the pool where he jumped in, dragging me with him as I was trying to protest and get away, but failing.
We came up for air and I was about to curse at him as he laughed, but he cut me off by kissing me every time I tried to open my mouth.
"Laisse moi parler!" Let me talk! I exclaimed as soon as he lifted his lips from mine. He laughs and shakes his head before kissing me again, this time just because.
He held me tight to him in the water and we were drifting towards the edge where we could watch the lights from the city shining onto the dark water that we could hear clashing against the shore in the distance.
I caught myself in denial that I was actually there. When thinking back a year, I was in denial about feeling a single thing for him, I was in denial about seeing him in a different light. Now, here I am in Greece with his arms holding me as tight as he can, making out every chance we get, stopping because we get too desperate, pulling on each other to get even slightly closer to the other one.
"Charles," I say, seeing how he turns his head to look at me, but my eyes are set on the lights making the waves that would otherwise be invisible, glimmer. "Quand as-tu su?" When did you know?
"Savoir quoi?" Know what?
"Que tu me voyais différemment qu'avant," That you saw me differently than before, I clarify, turning my head to meet his gaze, but he chuckled and looked away, freeing one arm to let his hand run through his hair.
"Euh... quand tu es revenu," Uh... when you came back, he says with a light shrug followed by a soft laugh, "Tu es entré dans le garage et il m'a fallu une seconde pour vraiment voir que c'était toi," You walked into the garage and it took me a second to really see it was you, he continues and the corners of my mouth wants to curl upwards. "Je n'ai pas pu m'empêcher de penser à quel point tu étais magnifique depuis la dernière fois que je t'ai vu," I couldn't help thinking how gorgeous you looked since the last time I saw you. He smiles shyly and I'm fighting back a really really big smile, "J'ai fini par l'accepter quand on était en France l'année dernière, quand tu m'as tiré pour danser même si j'étais nul," I ended up accepting it when we were in France last year, when you pulled me to dance even though I sucked.
"Et pourquoi tu ne me l'as pas dit?" And why didn't you tell me?
"Pourquoi tu ne me l'as pas dit?" Why didn't you tell me? he asks right back.
"Tu as eu Lucie," You had Lucie, I answer shortly, even though it's not the whole reason, because there were a few moments before Lucie where I could've told him or at least talked about it, but I was in denial. "Je ne savais pas que c'était important jusqu'à ce que tu aies Lucie," I didn't know it mattered until you had Lucie, I continue, "Je pensais que j'avais plus de temps pour me décider, mais puis est venue Lucie," I thought I had more time to make up my mind, but then came Lucie.
He looks at me with a bit of a bittersweet look in his eyes and I start to wish I didn't bring her up. I could've bullshitted my reason for not telling him. It could've been because I didn't want to hurt Arthur. It could've been that I didn't want to ruin our friendship — but I was pretty close to doing that anyway, so...
"J'ai eu Lucie," I had Lucie, he repeated, looking away.
"On en a déjà parlé, c'est bien," We already talked about it, it's fine, I tell him and he looks back at me with a crooked smile, totally forced. "Si j'aurais su avant que tu ne retournes voir Lucie, je t'aurais dit," If I would've known before you went back to Lucie, I would've told you.
"Quand as-tu su?" When did you know?
I think for a second. I think I knew the second Lucie showed up at the door and he rushed down to see her. But I don't want him to know that. It makes me seem selfish, it might make him feel bad about it too. Because there's no way they got back together that same day, so maybe I could've gone to talk to him the day she came to the door, but it would've been selfish of me to tell him that when he was about to go back to her.
"Eh bien... un bon moment, c'était quand j'ai dû t'éviter pour ne pas être jaloux," Well...a pretty good tell was when I had to avoid you so I wouldn't be jealous, I chuckle, making his crooked smile go into a real one as he let out a small laugh. He starts to turn me around in the water so that my back is against the edge of the pool. I keep myself up by my clasped hands behind his neck and he has his hands on the edge next to my head.
"Je pensais que tu ne l'aimais pas... Je ne pensais pas que tu m'aimerais," I thought you didn't like her... I didn't think you would like me, he almost whispers with a smirk as he leans down to kiss my lift softly.
"Tout le monde savait," Everybody knew, I whispered against his lips before feeling his tongue on my bottom lip, kissing me deeper before I spoke again. "Je suis surpris que tu ne l'aies pas fait," I'm surprised you didn't.
"Je pensais que j'étais fou en te regardant comme si j'étais," I thought I was crazy for looking at you the way I was, he replies, barely lifting his lips from mine and I feel his lips move with every word coming out of his mouth. "Je pensais que je t'aimais trop," I thought I loved you too much.
The words kind of hit me like a shooting star hitting me in the head. I tilt my head back and I wonder if maybe I'm crazy for thinking he's actually saying what it sounds like he's saying. He's told me he's loved me before, but like... in birthday cards, yelling after me for bringing him soup in bed when he was sick, simply because Pascale asked me to do it. He's told me he's loved me like friends who grew up together probably have a few times. Is he telling me he loves me differently from those times? Or am I just wishfully thinking?
"Tu... m'aimais trop?" You... loved me too much? I repeated his words, hoping he'd say something to clarify. His smile goes wider and he snickers to himself before putting a hand on the back of my head to pull my head back, kissing me deeper, faster, craving.
He lifts his head just enough to be able to talk against my lips, "Je t'aime, encore plus maintenant qu'avant," I love you, more now than before, he whispers before placing his lips back on mine to hear me whimpering as the words actually register in my head, "Différent de toutes les autres fois où je t'ai dit ça," Different from all the other times I've told you that.
There's so much going on in my head, my chest, my stomach, every part of me is spinning and I swear that I will explode into stardust if he says that one more time. The emotions in my body just come out in tiny whimpers as he kisses me, letting one of his hands dip into the water, finding my waist to pull me closer to him and I cling to him. I cling tighter than ever, wanting every part of me to be touched by him.
My desperation was crystal clear. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and he squeezed me to him so tight I could barely breathe. My arms went around his neck, making sure he couldn't stop kissing me. There were desperate whimpers coming from us both as we kissed deeply with a fast pace. When I loosened the grip around his neck it was to move down to kiss on his neck. I left a trail of wet kisses as his hands were roaming wherever they wanted to go, eventually earning a gasp from me, that he used to catch my lips again.
Eventually we had to get out of the pool, dripping wet, stopping on a sunbed to air dry because we didn't want to break away from each other long enough to grab towels. We ended up using our abandoned t-shirts to dry each other off while still kissing, giggling like children on Christmas morning.
When we made it to the bed, everything slowed down and softened. We weren't rushing anymore. It was dark, but the little light made me able to see all of his facial features and he was smiling the whole time, which made me unable to keep the smile off my face.
Our first time came naturally. None of us really spoke a word. We took it slow, nodding at each other to let the other know what they were doing was okay. Nodding, exchanging looks and smiles to encourage the other until we felt like we were getting more and more comfortable with each other. Making me realize that every worry I'd had really had been for nothing.
When the first time was out of the way, we were basically the same person, clinging to each other at all hours because it was painful being out of touch.
One morning in the middle of the week, Evie called me, waking me up. I rolled over from where I was sleeping, practically on top of Charles and I grabbed my phone, putting it to my ear as I rolled back on top of Charles, adjusting the cover to actually cover my chest.
"Hello," I say tiredly into the phone.
"Hi, I'm sorry for waking you up," She says quietly, sounding like she's whispering, and it immediately makes me on edge, so I lift myself and look at Charles as he's waking up next to me, "Pierre is on the phone with Helmut Marko... Fuck... he's getting demoted back to Toro Rosso," She says and I can hear the devastation in her voice. I can't even hold my gasp back, putting a hand over my mouth. This makes Charles shoot me a wide eyed look, waiting for me to tell him what's going on.
"Seriously?!" I exclaim, something like rage almost filling my body, because he's only had twelve races to get used to the car, which isn't nearly enough. He's had twelve races to get on Max's level, which is just impossible. Charles is still waiting so I put my hand over the mic, "Pierre est rétrogradé," Pierre is demoted, I whisper.
"Mettez-le sur haut-parleur!" Put it on speakerphone! He exclaims, sitting up on the bed, grabbing my phone and putting it on speaker for me. "Evie, what's going on?"
"Hi Charles, I'm good, how are you?" She says sarcastically, "He's on the phone with Helmut Marko and I heard Helmut telling Pierre that he's going back to Toro Rosso," she explains to him and he sighs as he lets a hand run over his face.
"When? Next season?" Charles asks.
"No..." She sighs, "Next race."
"Next race?!" Charles and I exclaim in unison. They don't even have the decency to let him finish the season. There's only seven races left, they're like two thirds into the season and they're just throwing him out and putting him back in Toro Rosso without giving him an honest chance? He's been getting decent results, but just because they aren't as good as Max's, he's apparently worthless.
Evie tells us when Pierre is off the phone and Charles immediately calls him while I walk out to the kitchen to give them space. Evie asks me about the vacation and I just tell her it's good. I know she's too distracted to actually listen. She's worried how she's going to take care of him, and honestly, she can't. She can comfort him, give her support, but he has to build his confidence up by himself. As a racecar driver, you need this immense mental strength, so of course he's not going to lie down and cry about his demotion. However; it will most likely impact his confidence. Evie can support him on his way back, but she can't do much else.
When we hang up, I cut up some fruit to make fruit salad for us to have as some kind of brunch. I'm still cutting when Charles walks out, now in shorts at least. He's on facetime with Pierre and I motion for him to come over. He hands the phone to me and I see Pierre, looking a little beat up.
"Salut," Hi, I say as I put on my widest smile, hoping to cheer him up a little bit, "Tu sais... tout le monde sauf ces deux types chauves peut voir que tu as du talent. Vous avez besoin d'une équipe qui reconnaît votre talent, alors même si je sais que c'est votre rêve... c'est peut-être pour le mieux," You know... everyone but those two balding guys can see you've got talent. You need a team that recognizes your talent, so even though I know it's your dream... maybe it's for the best.
Pierre smiles on the other end, it's a crooked little smile and he looks almost mischievous. He's going to use this against me. The one time I'm trying to be nice, he's going to make sure I regret ever giving him a smile.
"C'est bon... je vais leur montrer," It's all good... I'll show them, he says, but I hear some of that confidence missing when he says it. "Mais tu devras peut-être enlever ce suçon de ton cou avant de revenir," But you might need to get that hickey off your neck before you come back, he says.
I immediately look into the little square showing my face and I see the spot he's talking about, which is in fact, a hickey. My mouth drops and I put the phone on the counter so he can only see the ceiling as I glare over at Charles, who's laughing and walking over to me already starting to defend himself.
"Je suis désolé, ce n'était pas prévu," I'm sorry, that wasn't intended, he laughs, trying to pull me in while I try to keep him away.
"Ma chérie! C has a hickey on her neck!" Pierre shouts and soon I hear Evie barging into the room he's in and Pierre laughs as I just want to yell at all three of them. "C, show your hickey, Evie is here!" He says and I flip the phone off without showing my face.
Charles takes the phone and while I hide my face against his bare chest, he tells them goodbye and hangs up. He lifts my head with his hands holding my face, he kisses all over my face before kissing the damn hickey, reminding me that it's there, making me slap his chest while he laughs at my misfortune that he caused.
The days of the week pass by pretty much the same way. We wake up, have breakfast, spend time in the pool, we eat and we make out — a lot. It was getting a little crazy. That first time was like breaking through a barrier and it made it a lot more difficult not to.
The last day we figured that we might as well go snorkeling or something. People seemed to be completely sure that he was in Greece while I was home anyway, so we felt a little more freedom to do something. We went into the small town and bought snorkeling goggles before going back to the beach below the house, where we tried to find fish, but realized we definitely wouldn't find anything big or cool, because we were at the wrong place.
We washed off at the house, actually got dressed and then he managed to get me out to dinner. We took a walk around the town, keeping in the dark and in the narrow streets just in case, just so he could hold my hand or his arm around me.
We found the tiniest little restaurant where we ate the best moussaka I've ever had in my whole life. We had some wine, because apparently they don't have cider everywhere. Then we were offered a free dessert because if we didn't want it, they'd throw it away, so we just accepted it happily.
On our way back, Charles had his arm around me and he kept kissing on my cheek. I could smell the wine on his breath and I felt the urgency with every kiss left on my face. He dragged me into an alleyway where he could kiss me properly, holding my face as he backed me against the wall. I knew I should protest and tell him to wait until we're back, but not a single ounce of me wanted to push him off, so I just laughed against his lips.
"Charles," I laughed, "Charles, allez," Come on, I grabbed his face back and made him look at me. He was smiling between my palms but he seemed pained to have been pulled from my face.
"Je déteste devoir rentrer à la maison, je ne peux pas être seul avec toi à la maison," I hate having to go home, I can't be alone with you at home, he sighs with frustration. "J'adore voyager avec toi, mais ensuite on rentre à la maison et il y a ma mère, Arthur, Evie, Pierre..." I love traveling with you, but then we come home and there's my mom, Arthur, Evie, Pierre... he sighs as I let my hands slide from his face to his neck and then his shoulders.
"Nous nous cachons littéralement dans une ruelle en ce moment," We're literally hiding in an alley right now, I say to point out that the freedom is about as limited here as it is when we're home. We've just felt like we have more freedom because we've been hiding in the house where we can do what we want.
He mumbles something just as there's a noise from the street and I can't hear him. He takes a little step back and I look at him with my eyebrows furrowed, because I couldn't hear him.
"Quoi?" I ask. He sighs before looking up at me, now using his whole chest to speak.
"Nous n'avons pas à nous cacher dans une ruelle stupide!" We don't have to hide in some stupid alley! he says, now loud and clear, and there's no way you can miss the frustration in his voice.
"Je pensais que-" I thought that- is all I get out before I cut myself off, feeling both stupid and feeling bad for making him hide in here with me. But I thought that he wanted to keep this away from people too.
But then it dawns on me that he only wanted to because of me. Of course it makes sense to wait and hide before you know if it's going to work, but it's obviously working between us. We're actually together now, not just some stupid situationship, we're in an actual relationship now. He's used to the media, he's not worried about the comments, the social media, fans, and all the things that I get so overwhelmed by. He doesn't. He's used to it. He's been doing it for years. Of course he doesn't understand why we're hiding in an alley.
"Tu ne m'as pas dit que tu voulais que les gens sachent," You didn't tell me you want people to know, I say, just staring at him as his shoulders fall and he looks at the street outside instead of at me. "Tu m'as dit que tu étais prêt à faire ça à mon rythme, que nous-," You told me that you were willing to do this at my pace, that we-
"Je sais," I know, he sighs, looking down at his feet and then up at me, "Je ne dis pas que je veux le dire aux gens, je dis juste que je ne veux pas me cacher dans une ruelle," I'm not saying I wanna tell people, I'm just saying I don't wanna hide in an alley, he says as he steps closer to me again, carefully moving hair behind my ear.
"Ils sont fondamentalement la même chose," They're basically the same thing, I say quietly. I really thought I had more time with him before people got to take their magnifying glasses out to dig through our entire relationship. I thought we'd be able to keep this away from people for a little longer before more opinions are thrown our way. I can just about handle the ones that are thrown at us right now, and I'm barely online for that reason .
"Ils n'ont pas à être," They don't have to be, he says, putting his hands on my upper arms. I shrug him off because I know I'll buy whatever he's selling when his hands are anywhere on me, I'll buy the whole inventory if he kisses me, so to stand my ground I need him off.
"Bien sûr qu'ils le font! Si nous sortons maintenant comme si de rien n'était, les gens le sauront. Ne pas se cacher, c'est faire savoir aux gens," Of course they do! If we go out now like nothing happened, people will know. Not to hide is to let people know, I argue as he takes a step away from me again, reading the room and knowing I'm asking for space.
"De quoi as-tu si peur? Pourquoi les opinions des autres vous dérangent-elles autant?" What are you so afraid of? Why do other people's opinions bother you so much? he asks, motioning with his hands out from his body, taking a small step forward again.
"Ce ne sont pas que des opinions, ce sont des commentaires haineux et des insultes constants," It's not just opinions, it's constant hate comments and insults, I argue, feeling just the slightest frustration build up inside of me. How can he not understand? "Peut-être qu'ils ne te détestent pas, mais leur but est de me démolir, juste parce que je suis ta petite amie," Maybe they're not hateful to you, but their goal is to tear me down, just because I'm your girlfriend.
"Ce ne sera pas toujours comme ça-" It won't always be like that-
"Oui, il sera!" Yes, it will! I cut him off, now letting the frustration through. He looks out on the street and then straight back to me, staring at me for a second while I take a deep breath. He quickly steps forward, grabbing both of my forearms to pull me from the wall and going to hold me as I taught him for dancing. "Charles, je ne veux pas-" Charles, I don't want to-
"S'il te plaît," Please, he pleads, keeping me firmly to him. "Je ne voulais pas que ça se transforme en bagarre," I didn't want it to turn into a fight, he sighs before leaving a kiss on my forehead. For some reason it just makes me want to push away more.
"Je ne savais même pas que c'était un combat," I didn't even know it was a fight, I furrow my brows and he sighs again, shaking his head before leaving another kiss on my forehead.
"Désaccord," Disagreement, he corrects himself, "Mais je n'aime pas à quel point c'est chaud, et si nous dansons, nous n'allons pas nous crier dessus," But I don't like how heated it got, and if we dance, we're not gonna yell at each other.
I let out a heavy sigh and just put my cheek to the soft material of his shirt on his chest. I keep my eyes closed as he keeps us swaying back and forth, taking tiny steps. I feel him breathing and I hear his heart beating quickly on the other side of his ribs.
"Cece... Je ne dis pas qu'on devrait dire aux gens... ou confirmer quoi que ce soit. Je ne veux pas sortir de mon chemin pour cacher ça," I'm not saying we should tell people... or confirm anything. I just don't want to go out of my way to hide it, he says softly and I hear it vibrate through his chest.
A part of me is debating if I should give in just to make this stop. I don't want to be mad at him, I don't want him to be mad at me, and I also don't want him to be disappointed because of a choice I make. We want two different things and it terrifies me that this will become one of those things we can't get over. I don't want the publicity issue to be a constant drift in our relationship.
But he hears my silence, takes it as his answer. "Vous valez mieux que d'écouter n'importe qui sur Internet, vous le savez. Ne lisez pas les commentaires ou les tweets, continuez comme si de rien n'était," You are better than listening to anyone on the internet, you know that. Don't read comments or tweets, carry on as if nothing happened.
"C'est si facile pour toi de dire," That's so easy for you to say, I say, wanting to slip my hand out of his, but he's holding onto it like he's scared I'll get ripped away from him. He doesn't reply right away, he keeps swaying us and keeps me so tightly to him with my hand in his.
"Tu sais que j'attendrai, peut-être que j'aimerais pouvoir t'embrasser devant d'autres personnes, mais j'attendrai définitivement," You know I'll wait, I might want to be able to kiss you in front of other people, but I'll definitely wait, he says when he finally speaks.
"Mais tu as raison," But you're right, I whisper against his chest. Even if I don't like it, he's right. We can't keep hiding forever. I need to rip off the bandaid somehow. We can't love each other like this, we can't keep hiding and pretend it's going to work forever. We'll slip up, we'll get caught. I might as well bite the bullet and take one step closer. We're not confirming it, we're just night putting all of our energy into hiding our relationship.
"Non, nous n'avons pas à le faire, je n'aurais pas dû faire pression," No, we don't have to, I shouldn't have pressured, he shakes his head, putting his chin on the top of my head.
"Je suis sérieux, Charles, on devrait le faire," I'm serious, Charles, we should do it, I say, lifting my head to look up at him. "Peut-être pas embrasser dans une salle de rédaction, mais... je ne veux pas gaspiller toute mon énergie à me cacher," Maybe not kissing in a news room, but... I don't want to waste all my energy hiding, I shake my head.
"Cece?" He says and I nod, meeting his eyes and he smiles with his whole face. He spins me around and I thought he had just thrown me to land on the ground, but he holds me up above the ground and he hovers above me, "Je vous aime," I love you.
He lifts me up to stand in front of him and I catch my breath from the scare. I look at his happy, glimmering eyes right before he manages to plant a kiss on my cheek, then on the other, then my nose, and my forehead, my chin, my cheek again.
"Oui je t'aime aussi," Yes I love you too, I laugh as I push him off. But the smile on his face makes it so damn impossible to keep him off of me. I don't even want to push him off, I want him all over me. Maybe not in an alleyway, but...
I stopped fighting it and I let him kiss me, against the wall. I don't even know for how long but I get reminded of the street just on the side, with people passing, and I force both of us off the wall so that we can get back to the house.
The packing we were supposed to do just got left for the morning after.
//
Last update of 2022, happy new years <3