Freedom. A word souls have lost their own selves just to obtain it. Nations have painted streets in red just to claim it. Humans would endure anything if it meant that in the end, they could have it.
We are creatures that starve for freedom. It's so essential that we seek it from the moment we come into this world. There is no war that we wouldn't fight for it, there are no chains that could keep a prisoner for long. No cells, no ropes, no shackles that could hold a soul back from getting his freedom.
Our past history is full of actions undertaken in the name of freedom, of victories that have enabled humanity to now leave in a free world. All bad that has ever imprisoned someone in any way has been defeated yet can we claim that we are free?
There's an enemy that holds us all tied up, one that is not concrete nor it falls on the light of evilness. One that to break free from will take much more than you spilling blood, much more than you tearing flesh and taking souls. What truly holds us from our own freedom, is love itself.
Or to state it better, it's the ones who we love and the ability that we do love to begin with. Our chains are made from care, are polished with worry and empathy and are sealed with the strong feelings a human being can have for another. Your parents wouldn't like you if you do this certain thing, so you don't do it. Your friends like you more if you behave a certain way, so you keep behaving like that. Your lover shows so much more love to you, when you are in this certain mood or when you have this certain attitude. As we go through life, we are bound to learn that everyone we know has expectations of us.
They want the best for you, and they will go ahead and project that version they have in their head that they think it's the best for you. Because of love, because of care, they will do their best to make you follow that road they deemed the best for you. They will take a portion of your freedom, discard your will, your feelings even, for a goal they deemed better.
Shackles build on good intentions are still restrictive. A cage made out of love is still a cage. And what is funnier is that those are the chains we never fight against, for we love back the ones that are caging us. We give up our wants, our dreams, and our own identity, just to be in a way someone else wants us to be. Because we love them, we want to see them happy, and thus we remain prisoners willingly. We chose to live as someone that will make them proud instead of living as who we truly are in our essence.
No one would call you a coward for that. The majority of humanity is chained to such. However, there is a distinction that can change one's life forever. The ones that get to realize that despite their sacrifice, in the name of love, they still haven't been loved at all. For they have become things that they are not. They have been playing roles, creating different versions of themselves, running, trying, and fighting all their lives to get to the goals someone else set for them. Only to understand that even when they accomplish all those aims, even when they have won that validation out of those loved ones, even when they have managed to make everyone around them happy and proud with their success. They all belong to someone that is no longer you.
The you that isn't like your parents want, the you that isn't like your friends think that you are, the you that your partner has never seen. The you, you with your own two hands, shamed, imprisoned and hide in order to get love. That one that is truly you, was chopped, and masked, was erased and used and ripped apart. That you got lost in time and died alone leaving behind the shell of a soul that no matter how much anyone loves him, they will never feel loved.
For people love freedom, only when it is for themselves. For just as natural it is for us to have free will, that much natural it is for us to crave control. Over anything, anyone. Life and people alike. We are like birds in a cage, trying to chain the ants that came by in our lives.
Has anyone wondered, how the realization that no matter what, you can't escape? No matter what you can't get loved, no matter what you won't be accepted. No matter what, you can't bring your own self back to life, you can't turn back time. Such a realization how does it feel? What kind of despair may leave in someone's heart? What kind of sorrow may hold a dead soul's eyes? How cornered one individual must feel for them to choose death, just so they could breathe as themselves, for some mere seconds.
When a leap towards freedom means a dive into death's arms and she was still creating for that freedom, that escape as all she could get. All she could have.
Engulfed in the darkness of her room, with the sharp blade of a knife laying by her side on the floor, by her bed where she was and Jungkook's jacket that she had placed over her shoulders and was holding on it as tightly as she could.
After Boram had woken up on that staircase, she should have gone and returned it to him, but after what he had witnessed, she didn't find the strength to face him. She was certain that Jungkook will judge her for her attempt to end her life.
He like anyone else will call her dramatic. He won't believe she even has a reason, even though she knew well she could never speak of anything, to begin with. In the eyes of the world, she had everything one could ask for. She had a perfect life. The spoiled daughter, the rich arrogant girl, the one that luck always works for and nothing she ever had obtained was won by merit.
The one most wanted to be in her shoes yet she always wished for the others to never find themselves in her place. No matter how golden her cage was, it was still killing her.
The little box before Boram's feet had captured her eyes for hours now, unable to look away from that diamond ring that would make most people happy, yet for her, it was only one more wall that was keeping her away from getting peace. It was one more thing she had to fulfil in hopes of making her mother look at her one day with a bit of love in her eyes.
Her parents had always wanted a boy but she was born instead and after some complications of her birth, the doctor succeeded her mother to not make another child if she valued her life. That was how she was raised as a single child, with the weight of everything her parents wanted her to be, on her shoulders.
From the moment she could remember herself, she had always been falling short. No matter what she was to do, it was never done the way her mother wanted it to be. She was not what she wanted her to be like, however she always tried her best to be all those things.
When other children would run after a ball, she would run to catch up with her mother's aims for her, in hopes of getting a pat on the head from her. A smile, and in her wildest dream, even a hug. 'When I grow up and I get to become good enough, my mother will finally show me some love. If I try enough I will one day have it. I will have my loving family. I will have a home.'
Hope had been the traitor that had kept her walking through hell with an earning heart. Hope had been the lie that had kept her trying. It had kept her in her prison, despite how many blows she was to take, no matter how many times she was to get rejected, no matter how many times her mother had made her feel worthless and no matter how many times she had raised her hands on her, only to caress her after, blaming and guilt-tripping her over the fact that Boram had made her do such a thing to her.
It was her fault that disappointed her, it was her fault that she failed, she made her unhappy and thus she knew there were consequences to that. But with time, there had grown a part of her that didn't hate it when she was to fail meeting her mother's expectations. Because after she would vent her anger on her, Boram would be lucky enough to get her hand to caress her bruised flesh with a bit of tenderness.
After hell, was the only time her mother would show her a glimpse of love so she had stayed and had gone through hell so many times, knowing that a slight reward was waiting for her by the end of the torture. It was so stupid, it was so little, but it had kept the soul of a desperate child chained to life.
Boram had never thought that there was gonna come the day when those chains of hers wouldn't be enough to her to keep her breathing. She had grown enough to know better now. She had realized that she will never be loved for no matter what she couldn't become the one her mother wanted her to be. Yet she still was trying, like an idiot, like a robot, like someone that had no right to think for themselves, she remained imprisoned, with hopes resigning within her for a better tomorrow that most like will never find her.
The more she stared at that diamond ring, the more the fact that her hope was futile, kept sinking into her mind. She failed with the issue with Jungkook and ultimately her parents fought over the money her mother lost on gambling, to the point that her father had threatened very seriously to divorce her mother and as always Boram was blamed for that. She was the one that couldn't save the situation, she was the one who as always brought no profit to her mother despite the fact that she was breathing.
The storm of that once more had passed with the usual consequences for her or so she had thought only for her mother to shock her when she gave her the news that she was planning on marrying her with a rich individual as it would be profitable for them economically. This was Boram's chance to prove her worth to her, to prove that she can be of use and she could bring profit to her family. This was her chance to be the one her mother wanted her to be, however even though she had been aware that one day her mother was gonna choose someone for her and Boram had prepared her emotions for a loveless marriage, when she had gone to her first meeting with the individual and had found out that the man was older than her own father, inevitably Boram had felt mad at her mother.
This was obviously not a chance given to her to redeem herself. This was a punishment. This was her own mother, discarding her. This was her own mother using her. This was the last straw to her feelings.
If only Jungkook wouldn't have interfered, she would have been free by now, yet she was clutching onto his jacket in the middle of the night as if the fabric could take the form of a saviour. Only if someone could come and end her life already. Now that she was not brave enough to try to take her own life again.
That idiot. Only if he knew how much it had taken of her to bring herself to that edge on the rooftop. How much it took, for her to reach that close to her freedom only for him to ruin everything and with a simple pull, drive her back to Tartarus.
I have always been a failure...so I will make sure I make this attempt of hers to fail once more...no matter the consequences I won't be afraid...I am already dying anyways
She thought to herself as she snagged her face against the jacket that had strangely enough managed to give her a sense of comfort that nothing else had ever given her in her life. As she remained in the warmth of the scent that the fabric still carried, an idea finally made its way to her, making her look up again with a bit of life returning in her orbs.
This is the perfect way to ruin this arranged relationship...I might never see the light of day after this.
She stood up immediately after, searching for her phone that was lost somewhere in her bed sheets, only for her facial expression to morph into utter surprise as she witnessed a notification on her screen from Jungkook.
Boram had gotten his number from his manager and had been texting him none stop after that incident where he found her in his room, trying to get pictures of him. The start of her supposed obsession with him, the backstory, he now knew the truth of.
As far as she recalled, however, he had blocked her number fairly quickly after her spam so seeing that she had received a text from him meant only one thing.
"Damn...he is gonna want to talk about my actions on the rooftop...I thought he wasn't from the ones to care...what do I do. What if he pesters me to get explain, or even worse, what if he speaks about that to someone else? " Boram whispered to herself as she hesitated to open the text, agony rising more and more within her by the possible scenarios that she had no other way to confirm but to finally open that text.
Unlike anything on the lines she was thinking, however, she faced a single sentence on her screen that left her dumbfounded.
-"You better return that jacket to me cause it's expensive."
---Change of set---
You rang the bell of your neighbour for the third time, hoping that he will finally come and open his door despite the late hour. Jimin was leaning right by the wall at the side of his door, with his eyes pinned on you as if he was awaiting for you to do something wrong.
You had agreed to ask InSu for a favour and inwardly you had been hoping that your neighbour would obey your request due to the same reason he had gotten you Jimin's number in the past. Considering that this time the request was way too risky, however, P3 had insisted to come along with you and had requested that the only thing you had to do, was to be a tool in his hands and get him face-to-face with that hacker guy.
Knowing him, you were feeling a bit bad for your neighbour InSu for even if Jimin was in his normal days, he had proven to you that he could get intimidating if it was to reach something he wanted and this time around, knowing that the one your neighbour will face - is someone that has a way bigger possibility of being threatening- made you feel really bad for the guy.
As soon as you heard the sound of the door unlocking, you inhaled a deep breath in order to prepare yourself, and as InSu opened his door, revealing his messed up hair and dark circles under his eyes, you unintentionally made eye contact with Jimin, despite the fact that you knew that InSu had yet to take notice of them at the side, for Jimin and Jin were not on his field of vision.
"Y/N?...What are you doing here at such an hour?" He questioned you full of confusion and you pursed your lips before you made your attempt to explain.
"Well...You see...I kinda need your help with something...again." His gaze hardened on you upon hearing that, visibly displeased for you had given him your word that you weren't gonna use his secret to blackmail him ever again.
"Seriously Y/N, I thought you were better than this. I-"
"She is better than that. But I am not." Jimin interrupted, popping his head from the side of his door frame. An action that visibly jump scared InSu.
"What?... How? -Why?... What is a celebrity doing here?"He struggled to form his thoughts as he kept staring at Jimin with wide eyes, while he just smiled at him and took a step inside his door frame, despite no one having invited him in yet.
"The celebrity should have been sleeping, yet here I am, looking for people to sue because they invaded my privacy." Jimin tapped his finger against his forehead as he spoke, shaking the guy a bit, before he proceeded to walk further inside his apartment nonchalantly and Jin followed after him, ignoring the dumbfounded expression that had taken over your neighbour's face.
"I am so sorry." You mumbled to him as you passed him by, slightly guilty that you had to do this to him, but it was not like you had many options yourself.
InSu took a moment to himself to collect his mind, before he closed his door and rushed inside, finding the intruders standing calmly in his dark living room, as he only had a small light on.
"What are you talking about? I really don't understand. I have not done anything." He claimed and Jimin chuckled a bit to himself before he started walking to the desk that fell to his notice at the corner of the room.
"You used your hacking abilities to get my personal number and give it to this lady right here. She has been bothering me for months now and you are her accomplice. If I sue you, you are both gonna get in big trouble. Not to mention that I can and will make it public." Jimin left his threat calmly to escape his lips as he found himself on the leather chair, which was apparently warm. That fact let him know that this man most likely had previously fallen asleep at his desk.
"Are you threatening us?" InSu looked your way, slightly scared and as you avoided eye contact, he proceeded to assume that you really were in trouble together with him.
"I like the fact that you catch up quickly. Let me introduce you. This is my lawyer." Jimin gestured towards Jin with his hand, purposely mentioning his profession to put further pressure on the guy.
"Lawyer...Y/N, you know I can't get in any trouble. If my dad finds out-" InSu took a step closer to you and grabbed a hold of your arm in desperation. A simple action that had made Jimin turn his head to the side and give him a stern stare that as soon as it fell to InSu's notice, he retrieved his hand immediately and even took a step back.
It was just a gaze, yet for some reason, Jimin felt so intimidating under the dim lights of his room and without that smile on his lips.
"What-What is it that you want from me...I will do anything you ask for." InSu uttered, slightly regretting his words already as he witnessed Jimin lifting his chin and looking down at him with a rather mischievous grin.
"You have made your choice young man and I hope you know, there's no running back for you," Jimin told him as he stood up from his seat again and approached him slowly.
"Otherwise, you will end up being one more stain in my dark clothes. Have I made myself clear?" P3 maintained eye contact with him, enjoying how InSu's face grew paler as he realised that there were blood stains all over Jimin's clothing.
He found himself gulping with difficulty under the pressure and the suffocating aura P3 had created, only to soon nod his head in agreement. InSu was not sure what Jimin was gonna ask of him but he sure was certain that no matter what it was, he had to see it through for him, because he could recognise when someone was bluffing and when not and this actor before him, was looking dead serious.
He was looking like one that would not hesitate to slice his throat open if he was to utter anything that could possibly displease him. And little did InSu know that the thought he claimed as an exaggeration in his head, was in reality nothing more but a very likely outcome.
For when P3 wants something, no one can become an obstacle to him to get it.
---To be continued...
Hello~~~
First of all Merry Christmas!!!
I finally managed to write XD Not that much of a happy chapter, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have left these two versions of Jimin's stare towards InSu here. I think I will try to incorporate art in chapters more often as in depicting scenes and facial expressions from time to time. I am not perfect at Digital art yet as you can see but I have improved through the years and I will keep trying my best.
This chapter is double and a plus more than the usual chapters, I still hope you won't get bored reading it. I got carried away with Boram's feelings and the message I wanted to give about that dark side of love. I still hope you get something from that.
I am still recovering mentally but I have started writing bit by bit. Thank you for being patient with me. I really hope I will get on my tracks soon.
Till I see you again, remember I LOVE YOU and don't forget to smile~~~