I tried my hardest to settle into the chair I was provided but it was a plain metal chair sitting in front of a plain metal table, in a concrete room with what was clearly a two way mirror. I didn't know what to feel about the interrogation room set up I was currently in but I didn't particularly like it. Bianca and two legal aids were in with me as well, Bianca beside me as my lawyer and the aids sitting behind me off to one side.
Commander Hollister was sitting across from me and there was a stenographer against one wall, facing the short side of the table. I could only assume he was put there to be between my side and the Commander's side. The tension in the room was palpable and I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I hadn't done anything wrong. I told that to myself again and again. I did nothing wrong.
Still didn't make it stop feeling like I was fairly close to being arrested for it.
The Commander pressed record on an old style tape recorder at the same time a solider pressed record on the video camera that was focussed on me. "Okay, Captain Matthews. For the record, both written and recorded. It is June 18th, 2054 at thirteen hundred hours. We are recording this debrief for our records and more than likely for historical record. I am Vice-Admiral Lewis Hollister, Commander of the Royal Canadian Navy, debriefing us will be Captain Roxanne Matthews, of the ship Void Breaker." He spoke clearly and I resisted the urge to pick at my nails. I felt like a kid in the principal's office waiting for a lecture.
"On June 18th, 2054 at approximately twelve hundred hours and thirty-eight minutes, Captain Matthews completed an upload of eight videos to her youtube channel, Garage underscore Bandita underscore 18. The first four outlined her deep space exploration to potentially life sustaining worlds where she collected samples to be brought back to earth for processing. She did this process for ten planets as outlined by the video evidence supplied in C156-VD0001, C156-VD0002, C156-VD0003, C156-VD0004, and with paper evidence supplied in file C156-F0001." The Commander was reading off a paper sitting on top of a file folder and I had to feel sorry for the guy. Outlining every single evidence tag number for the case file had to be fucking tedious. "Within video five, which has been placed into video evidence as C156-VD0005, she encounters another life sustaining planet that appeared to be inhabited."
"LHS 1140 b, to be exact. It orbits a red dwarf star named LHS 1140 and is approximately forty-nine light years from earth." I cut in and when everyone looked at me I shrugged. "For the record. That's what the designation of that planet is, the star it orbits, and the rough location in comparison to earth." I glanced between Bianca and the Commander and he just nodded once.
"Thank you, Captain Matthews." He turned back to his paper, "In video evidence C156-VD0005, Captain Matthews descends through the rather thick atmosphere and when she approaches the surface of the planet, air flight can be seen and there is all the hallmarks of intelligent and technologically advanced life. She watched for a few minutes before it was made clear an area in what looks to be a space port was cleared for her to land. She did and Captain Matthews initiated the very first first contact with an alien race." He set the page aside and flipped open the file before pulling out a printed picture.
He slid it over to me and I realized it was a still from one of my videos, specifically a slightly zoomed in print of Gal'rug. "Can you explain for the record what this is?" He tapped the picture. "I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0002, to identify."
"This is Gal'rug. He's the Grog Ambassador on the Council of Torin." I looked at the Commander expectantly and he gestured to the picture again.
"What is a 'Grog', Captain Matthews?" He asked it flatly and I clasped my hands together.
"They are an alien species native to Torin, the planet we designated as LHS 1140 b. They are generally large, very muscled, both males and females, their colouring generally matches the environments found on Torin. They can be a slightly aggressive species but temper that through the public arena where people can go and fight or watch fights or battles." I slowly slid the photo back over to him. "They were very medically advanced when the Galactic Union found them and that advancement has spread over the other five planets of the Galactic Union. They like alcohol and some are master brewers. They value strength but also education and health. They tend to pack bond easy, at least in my experience with them."
"Explain what you mean by pack bond."
It was a statement, not a question but I ignored that. "They like to make friends and get attached to said friends." I gave another shrug.
"What is the Galactic Union?" He kept his tone even as he asked it.
"It is the cooperative governing body for the six planets and the species that reside on them."
"Okay. What is this?" He took the photo of Gal'rug and slid me over another one. "I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0005, to identify."
I picked it up and smiled. "This is an antwyn called Loril-ee, she's the Antwyn Ambassador on the Council of Torin. A small species with wings and antenna that originated on a really messed up planet called Lev'twi where everything will try to eat you. They are very logic based, they think in theoretical formulas and mathematical equations. Can be vicious if pressed but are generally friendly." I put the picture down and slid it back over to him
He took it and then put down another one "Identify this one for the records. I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0004, to identify."
I turned it towards me and smiled again. "That is an ilthi, her name is Mare-aidee, she's the Ilthi Ambassador for the council of Torin. The ilthi were the original species that had space flight and discovered the rest. Their historical records spans over six hundred thousand years. They are usually really tall but are generally slender and they originated from Itlarian. Very calm people, like meditation. Very personable but don't attempt to touch their hair as its actually a sensory organ called ilithari."
I handed the photo back and he handed me another. "What is this?" He tucked the other photo back into the file. "I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0001, to identify.
I looked at the photo and nodded. "That's a k'gtar. His name is At'kat'vo and he's the K'gtar Ambassador to the Council of Torin. The k'gtar look like prey mantises and originated on kG'rakt. They were actually the first species that helped found the Galactic Union. The ilthi arrived on their planet first because it was closest to Itlarian. Very calm species, a bit shy, kind of anxious, really pack bond with people and things." I slide the photo back over with a smile. "They make good friends and even better poker players." My attempt at a joke was met with a slightly raised eyebrow.
"Interesting." The Commander's tone, mixed with the slightly disgusted look on his face had outrage rising up in me.
"Hey, just because he looks strange doesn't mean he's not a good person. At'kat is a good friend." I pointed at the picture. "He is a good person, a great friend!"
Bianca smacked my shoulder with the back of her hand. "Tone it down, Matthews."
I looked her, still feeling a bit outraged for my friend. "I'm just saying, Bianca."
"Yes but stick with the facts for right now. Get mad later so we don't drag this out for longer than we to." She waved me off, crossing her arms over her chest.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
The Commander slid over another picture. "Please identify this species. I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0006, to identify."
I tilted my head to look at it. "That's a jyngt, specifically that is Dunnerton, he's the Jyngt Ambassador for the Council of Torin. The jyngt are a very sedate species, they take their time to think before they make decisions. Very friendly. Really like spicy foods. Came from the planet Jy"
Dunnerton's picture was taken and another was put down. "And can you identify this species? I have given Captain Matthews photo evidence, C156-P0003, to identify." He tapped the photo and I frowned as I reached over and picked it up.
"This is two species." I pointed at Hint. "This is Hint, he's a krent. This is Liress, she's a hant." I moved my finger to point to her. "They both come from Hygarm but historical records state that the krent originated from a different planet entirely. You can tell the difference because the krent have a bit of a boxier face, more like a hyena than a wolf." I set the photo back down. "They are another rather shy species. They like to keep to themselves but are generally very friendly, especially with people they know. Before I came, the hant and krent were the newest species to the Galactic Union." I leaned back in my chair and sighed slightly.
"Alright, we have some other things to go over. Can you identify this?" The Commander slid over a picture and a Carnage flower stared up at me. I glanced between him and the photo in slight disbelief. He didn't actually want me to explain every single strange thing I recorded, did he? In response to my silent question, he gave a subtle nod.
Fuck.
This was going to take forever.
~~~~~~
Several hours later
My head hurt.
I wasn't sure how many photos of various things that Vice-Admiral Hollister had me identify but it was about a hundred too many. Especially for some of the things I couldn't actually give him a good enough answer, which ended up frustrating us both.
'What's this?'
'I don't know. I think it's a type of spanner?'
'How do you not know what it is? It was in your video.'
'Commander... you took that screenshot from a half second of footage out of a two minute scan of a giant hanger filled with nearly a hundred scientists and dozens of work stations. It's blurry. I don't even know which bay it's in and I barely remember what day I took that small video on. Give me a break.'
It was hard to identify things when they went through all those videos with a fine-tooth comb. Best was when they asked for names of random aliens in the background and I had to explain that I had no clue who was all in the crowd at the arena, just that they were grog. Which I then had to expand on because 'yes I was there but no, you can't expect me to know the names of every single alien I saw when I was on Torin, do you remember every single name of every single human in the crowd when you give a speech? No. Then shut up.'. Bianca smacked the back of my head for that one. Which probably didn't help my headache any.
"Can you explain to me what the Accords are?" At the question I leaned forward and thumped my head off the metal table.
"I already did." I groaned slightly and I smushed my nose into the metal., my skin squeaking on it slightly.
"I need a better explanation than it's a collective peace agreement signed off on by every planet's council in the Galactic Union." The Commander sounded as irritated as I felt but it was his fault. He could have just accepted that I didn't really know what was in it.
I peeled my face off the table and stared hard at him. "I can't. It takes a hundred different people, one assigned to an individual section of the Accords, to be able to go over it in a timely manner and concisely explain it to you. If I were to do it by myself, it would take me years to begin to even remotely understand half of it. So all you get is, it's a collective peace agreement agreed upon by the Councils of all the planets in the Galactic Union." I widened my eyes, trying to see if he would give but all he did was pinch his lip together, his nostrils flaring. I groaned again, thumping my head on the table again.
"Can we drop this line of questioning for now? Clearly she isn't well versed in the Accords. I can only imagine that it's a giant legal document that requires specialized lawyers or legal aids to go through." Bianca's voice was a saving grace and I blindly pointed at her.
"Yes! Bianca's right." I lifted my head. "I have the Accords, I brought back a converted and translated copy with me but it's too much for one person to go through who doesn't understand legalese. I urge you to find a hundred different people who are willing to tackle a single section so it can be gone over." I leaned back in my chair and rubbed at my face. "I can give you a copy but I can't do it for you."
"Would that be amendable to you, Vice-Admiral?" Bianca sounded bored but I didn't blame her. The two legal aids had been swapped out, the stenographer had been swapped out, there was a solider change, we had been brought food and drinks. We had been at it for a god awful long time.
There was a small silence from the Commander that had me peeking at him from between my fingers. He worked his jaw back and forth just a touch, looking thoughtful before he nodded. "We can work with that." I repressed the urge to cheer at that. I hated having to go around in circles like that.
"Good. Now can you continue on?" Bianca gestured at him and he nodded.
"Alright, our final line of inquiry." He closed the folder and slid it to the side. "How likely are these aliens to come to earth?"
"Depends on the alien I supposed." I shrugged. It really did depend. Earth was fairly inhospitable to them but I am sure there would be some grog that would like to come, maybe even some jyngt but it probably heavily varied from individual to individual. More than likely the k'gtar, ilthi, antwyn, wouldn't want to come and the hant and krents were iffy, I was even a bit iffy on the jyngt.
"You misunderstand, Captain Matthews." The Commander leaned against the table, his brown eyes intense as they zeroed in on me, "How likely are these aliens to fly to earth?"
"Commander, that's the same question. Say what you want." Bianca sounded a bit irritated with it and I was glad she spoke up. When I did she got smacky.
He paused and seemed to think for a moment before he clasped his hands together, his elbows on the table as he leaned towards me. "Will the aliens try to invade earth?"
I burst into laughter, unable to help myself. Invade earth? Invade earth? I knew I would have a hard time convincing anyone to actually fly over for a visit. There was a reason they classed it as a level five planet with the new designation: death world. Our weather was too unstable, our temperatures too extreme, our flora too poisonous, our predators (and occasionally prey, they had been horrified when I told them about moose) too aggressive, our world itself too volatile. To think they would try to invade? I was in stitches. My side hurt and I was gasping for air as tears squeezed out of my eyes. That was too funny. That was way too funny.
"Captain Matthews, this is serious." The way the Commander said it renewed my laughter until I was practically gasping.
It was serious.
So very serious. They might invade.
Invade the level five death world.
Oh yes, they were totally going to step foot onto a planet that would kill half of them just because the temperature dropped below freezing or went to plus 30C. That wasn't even mentioning the goddamned earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, dry lightning, and every other thing our planet loved to do to itself.
"Captain Matthews-"
"Give her a minute, Commander. She clearly needs to get it out." I could barely hear Bianca as I nearly fell out of my chair, my stomach cramping and my muscles weak as the laughter continued as I tried to think of the ilthi or the antwyn as an invading force on a planet that would crack their wings or ilithari right off.
"Oh god!" I let out a flurry of giggles, wiping at my eyes as I tried to sit up properly. "Oh god." I giggled again and when I looked at the Commander's clearly trying to be super serious face I nearly lost it again. This was hilarious. I hadn't laughed like that since Gal'rug told about the sweat lodge slat incident when his unmentionables slipped where they weren't supposed too and then got stuck. He needed to be cut out and he said he got the nick name Nut Cracker from his brothers that they still called him even though it had been nearly ten years. I waved my hands, trying to breathe and keep the giggles under control. This was hard, this was so hard.
"Are you ready to be serious?" At the sharply said question I shoved my fist to my mouth and snorted as I held up a finger, stifling the rapid giggles that wanted to escape.
"Okay, okay." I let my hand drop and took exaggerated breath in and then out. "Just breathe, just breathe. You can do this." I looked at the tabletop because I knew if I looked at the Commander I would lose it. My breath shook cause of the still there giggles and I wiped at my face again. "Commander-" I cut myself off, a grin trying to make its way across my face as the urge to laugh grew larger. "Stop it. Be professional." I hissed it at myself and closed my eyes.
"The Galactic Union has planet designations." My voice pitched upwards with the urge to laugh and I cleared my throat, my cheeks hurting from me trying to stop smiling. "For danger levels. Each level indicates an individual danger." I cleared my throat again, feeling a bit more confident I wouldn't lose it. "Itlarian is a level one world. They occasionally get thunder storms with lightning. Jy is a level two world. The radiation is bad and the temperature is dangerous to most of the other species." I swallowed another laugh.
"Lev-twi is also kind of a level two. Mainly because both plants and animals will try to kill you." I opened my eyes and pinched my lips together to look at the Commander, my stomach cramping with my urge to laugh at how serious and upset he looked. "Level two is their current highest." My voice pitched up and Bianca smacked my shoulder with the back of her hand, so I quickly looked over, taking in several breaths to calm myself.
"Earth, according to the Galactic Federation, is a level five. A death world." I nearly lost it as I said it. "Our planet is volatile, our weather is unstable, our predators are dangerous, our flora mostly poisonous, and our temperatures extreme." I struggled not to laugh as I looked at him, my voice shaking ever so slightly with my need to laugh.
"I don't see your point." He said it crisply and I nearly lost it again.
I swallowed the laughter down as best as I could, trying so very hard not to laugh. "People barely want to live on a level two planet." I pinched my lips together and swallowed against the burbles of laughter that were rising up.
"That doesn't answer my question." The Commander look fed up and I struggled slightly, taking several deep breaths to stifle the giggles.
"Most species can only survive between -8C and 28C." I was struggling, really struggling, to hold it together.
"She's saying they won't invade cause the planet would probably kill them." At Bianca's snapped out words I lost it all over again, nearly howling.
Invade.
Yes, they would totally invade the death world. A designation they made specifically for earth.
"Does she have to laugh like that?"
"Clearly this tickles her funny bone. Just leave her be." Bianca sounded amused and I struggled to get myself. "She's been with them for like four months, clearly she thinks the question is ridiculous. We are missing context she probably has in spades." I managed to get myself under control.
"If an antwyn gets too cold for too long, their wings turn brittle and snap off!" I blurted it out and dissolved into giggles. "They can't survive without wings. They are evolved for a garden planet! The ilthi's ilithari are sensitive to cold and would freeze below zero, leaving them to the equivalent of blind cause their planet rare reaches zero Celsius." I snorted and then sucked in air. "The k'gtar's insides melt when they eat mint. Fucking mint!" I was wheezing and coughed. "The jyngt go basically catatonic if they get too hot!" I struggled to keep upright as I laughed loudly.
After what felt like far too long I finally managed to get myself half sorted and the Commander cleared his throat. "And the grog? Do we have to worry about the grog?"
I managed to compose myself but grinned wide. "The only thing you gotta worry about is them stealing the backstreet boys and monster trucks."
"Dear lord." Bianca said it with a huff and as I saw her expression, I couldn't help but start laughing all over again.