I had to wake up early to have the time to do everything I wanted before leaving for Schweiz. I went on a run and with every step I just kept getting more and more angry. Yesterday I had been sad, I had been sulking and overthinking every little thing that was being said about me on the internet. But who are they to say anything about me? They're the ones sitting behind a damn screen, bashing a girl they don't know because they saw her sitting on someone's, who they also don't know, lap. I just need to get it into my head that they are not one to talk about me. Every time my feet hit the ground, I got angrier and angrier about how they have the damn audacity.
When I got home, Charles was sitting in the kitchen. I walked in and took my headphones out, I kissed him quickly and took my smoothie out of the fridge. I don't want him to worry about it. I was excited about this wedding and officially being his date for something, and I don't want him to believe that it has changed. I'm not angry with him and I'm not that fragile, so I don't need him or Evie to hold my hand while I cry myself through this. They find it boring when you don't give them the time of day, so I'll just ignore it until they find something else to tear to the ground.
"J'ai de l'entraînement dans trente minutes, je serai chez moi avant une heure," I have practice in thirty minutes, I'll be home before one o'clock, I inform him before leaving another peck on his cheek, making him look a bit surprised for some reason.
"Tu veux que je te conduise?" Want me to drive you? he asks. No, I don't, because I might be seen with him in his car. But I'm not supposed to care, so I turn to him and smile.
"Si vous avez le temps," If you have the time, I say. I usually tell him I don't need a ride and he ends up insisting until I let him, but I don't put up a fight this time. He needs to buy that everything is fine so he won't coddle me and be all careful because he think I'll break like a porcelain doll.
"Je fais, dis-moi quand tu es prêt," I do, tell me when you're ready, he says with a smile that looks way too happy for someone who is going to act like a taxi for me.
I get my things, pack my bag and come back downstairs, where Pascale has now joined Charles in the kitchen and his face is in his hands. Worried that something has happened, I look between them with wide eyes, but then I see Pascale motioning at her son in annoyance as she's repeating that tsk tsk tsk sound, shaking her head.
"Il a vingt et un ans et il est toujours agacé quand je lui donne des préservatifs," He's twenty-one years old and he's still annoyed when I give him condoms, she says like she's waiting for me to agree with her that it's silly, but honestly, I think I'd react the same way. In fact, my face is as red as the tank top I'm in. "Je fais ça à chaque fois qu'ils commencent à voir une fille, ils sont toujours sur la défensive," I do that every time they start seeing a girl, they always get defensive, she shakes her head and turns back to the sink while the pack of condoms stays in front of Charles, who is just glaring at his mother.
"Je n'ai mis personne enceinte jusqu'à présent, n'est-ce pas?" I haven't gotten anyone pregnant this far, have I? he asks, pushing them away as if they're something disgusting. Well, if it was one of my parents who would've given them to me, I think I'd consider them kind of gross as well, knowing that they went into the store and picked out a pack of condoms for the purpose of giving them to their kid.
"Parce que je t'ai donné des préservatifs!" Because I gave you condoms! She exclaims, making Charles groan and let his head fall between his shoulders. I'm just standing there glaring in terror, because I don't want to get involved, but the thought of Pascale thinking that I'll be doing it with her son, does make me a bit panicked.
"Ou parce que je peux acheter mes propres préservatifs," Or because I can buy my own condoms, he argues, standing up from the chair he was sitting on.
"Est-ce qu'elle te fait encore parler de capote?" Is she making you talk about condoms again? Arthur asks as he enters the kitchen, looking at the pack on the kitchen island. "Maman, il a vingt et un ans," Mom, he's twenty-one.
"Elle n'est pas," She is not, she says motioning towards me. I just raise my eyebrows, because I have been able to stay out of this conversation up until now, I'm an innocent bystander.
"Elle peut prendre la pilule si elle a peur des bébés," She can take the pill if she's afraid of babies, Arthur says, causing his mother to gasp loudly before slapping the back of his head.
"Vous n'avez pas écouté?" Didn't you listen? she hisses, "Vous devez vous protéger contre plus que la grossesse," You need to protect yourself from more than just pregnancy.
"Maman, regarde C, tu la traumatises," Mom, look at C, you're traumatizing her, Arthur whines as he motions over to me. He needs to stop bringing me up, because I simply do not want to be part of the conversation.
"Céline, tu n'as pas besoin de pilules contraceptives, elles gâchent les hormones et te dépriment," Céline, you don't need birth control pills, they mess up the hormones and make you depressed, she says as she walks up to me. She grabs my upper arms and smiles warmly at me, "Est-ce que ta mère a eu la conversation avec toi avant-" Did your mom have the talk with you before-
"Elle l'a fait! Elle a absolument fait," She did! She absolutely did, I nod immediately so she won't think that I need to have the talk, because I really don't feel like having that talk again. I had it when I brought the first guy home when we lived in Sweden and it was so awkward that I didn't do it with him, because all I could think of was that my parents thought I'd be having sex with him.
"Je ne comprends pas pourquoi vous êtes tous si en colère contre moi quand je parle de sexe," I don't understand why you all get so upset when I mention sex, she sighs and walks away from me again, so I can let out a sigh. Charles puts a hand on my waist and tries to push me out of the kitchen.
"Ils pensent que c'est gênant parce que c'est l'un avec l'autre," They think it's awkward because it's with each other, Arthur says, raising his voice to make sure we can hear him from all across the kitchen.
"Ta gueule!" Shut up! Charles and I shout in unison before we walk out the front door. Oh god. I love fresh air, I think I've never felt as suffocated as I did in there. I wasn't moving, or even trying to formulate words, I just wished I was anywhere else.
He dropped me off at the dance studio and I looked around quickly to make sure the street was empty before I kissed him goodbye. I went inside and met up with Elliòtt who had met up with the coach that was going to help us perfect our choreography and make the most out of our practice, since I'm going away and we need time to make sure everything is exactly right before the next competition.
Every time we had a coach there to help us with the small details, I always walked out disgustingly tired. I hadn't called Arthur or Charles because I thought the walk home would be a nice end to my workout before I take a few days to rest. I'm not planning on working out at all during the two nights we're spending in Schweiz, so I haven't even packed my training clothes. But when I stepped out, I saw Charles' car parked where he had dropped me off. I stopped and looked at it, thinking that I should have known he would pick me up too, but when I opened the door, he's not in training clothes. He handed me a banana and a juice.
"Je ne voulais pas rentrer à la maison et écouter la leçon de ma mère..." I didn't want to go home and listen to my mother's lecture, he admits when I get into the car.
"Tu as vingt et un ans, j'ai l'impression que tu devrais être capable de gérer ta mère," You're twenty-one, I feel like you should be able to handle your mother, I laugh, but he just shakes his head and drives us home.
I quickly take a shower and then I get dressed in yoga pants and a t-shirt so I can be a bit comfortable for the flight. I'm just packing the final things, like my toiletries and my charger, when Pascale comes in. God, I can't even look her in the eye after this morning. She stands next to my bed where my suitcase is and she places that damn stupid pack of condoms on it. I stop every movement and I just stare at it, and then I look up at her, shaking my head.
"Je sais que tu es inquiet, mais je te promets que ce ne sera pas nécessaire," I know you're worried, but I promise you it won't be necessary, I tell her, because I'm fairly certain that I won't be doing anything like that with Charles, because we're like shy pre-teens. It's actually a bit embarrassing. We've both been with other people, it's just the fact that it's us.
"Pouvez-vous les apporter pour mon état d'esprit?" Can you bring them for my state of mind? She asks as if it would be the biggest favor I've ever done for anyone, "Evie et Pierre pourraient en avoir besoin? Max voit-il quelqu'un?" Evie and Pierre might need them? Is Max seeing anyone?
To shut her up, I just shove them into the bag and give her a fake smile, watching her smug smile go up her face. I am not going to tell anyone that they're there. They might as well stay there, hidden and forgotten, or maybe I can just throw them out and tell Pascale that I gave them to the newlyweds, they have enough children, so I think they might need some.
She walks me to the hallway, carrying my dress for me and giving it to Charles who's waiting in the hallway. Arthur drives us to the airport where we meet up with Max and Evie who got invited to the wedding, and Pierre who is Evie's plus one. Apparently he is not close enough with Seb to get his personal invite, but probably still close enough that Seb knew he would be going as Evie's plus one, and therefore she got one.
We get on the plane and the first thing Charles does is share the conversation he had with his mother earlier, causing them all to laugh while I keep blushing, but I have to admit it's kind of funny. Pierre stops him and looks between us as he's trying to hold back his laughter.
"The real question is, did you bring it?" He asks.
"No," Charles shakes his head.
"I did," I admit, making Evie, who's sitting next to me, snap her head in my direction with her jaw practically on the floor. Max and Pierre's eyebrows shoot up and Charles just glares. "She said you two might need them, unless Max has met someone we don't know about," I shrug and take my phone out to flee from their stares.
The attention goes back to Max and they keep grilling him to make him spill if he's met someone. He keeps denying it but they just keep pushing, probably to keep him too busy to be upset that I brought condoms for Evie and Pierre.
The flight was only about an hour, and when we landed we had rented a car that we needed to drive for about fifty minutes before we got to the hotel in the city where the wedding was. I was in awe as we drove through the city, because it was so beautiful and when Seb had told me it looked very medieval, he hadn't been joking. It looked exactly the way you'd imagine a city in Schweiz to look like, and so did the hotel. We parked and checked-in. I was kind of disappointed when I saw that the inside of the hotel looked a lot more modern than I thought it would. I was kind of expecting something like a ski cabin, soft blankets and warm lights, but it kind of looked like a Four-Season hotel.
Evie and I saw the pool and decided we should have a spa day together, ditching the boys, who had found the golf course. We had a few hours before it was time for dinner, so we went to our rooms to change and prepare for a day of relaxing without the boys doing our heads in.
Charles and I's room had a balcony overlooking the golf course and I fell in love with that balcony. It had a sofa and two large armchairs with a little table in front. I told him that as soon as he got back, I'd be forcing him to sit there with me. He didn't seem to have anything against it, because he kissed, held onto my shirt and walked me backward until my back hit the balcony door, which he slid open and kept walking me backwards until my back hit the railing of the balcony instead.
"J'annulerai si vous annulez," I will cancel if you cancel, he says against my lips and I laugh as I shake my head even though his lips are still on mine.
"Je n'annule pas sur Evie," I'm not canceling on Evie, I say against his lips and he grunts and lets his head fall back, while bunching up more of my shirt in his fists. "Tu me verras ce soir," You'll see me tonight, I say and kiss his lips as soon as he looks back at me.
"Je veux rester ici avec toi toute la journée," I want to stay here with you all day, he says, now pulling me towards the couch.
He sits down and pulls me closer by pulling my shirt. He lets go and places his hands on the back of my thighs, pulling my right one so it's placed next to his hip and then my left one to place it next to the other hip until I'm straddling him. He holds his hands on the small of my back and I lean down to kiss him. My fingers intertwine with his hair and I hear him humming before we start moving our lips together. Eventually he lifts me and shifts swiftly so I'm lying down and he's hovering above me with my legs linked together around his hips. When my back is against the sofa, he lifts his head up and places his chin on my chest to look up at me.
"Je veux rester comme ça toute la journée," I want to stay like this all day, he sighs, and I watch the disappointment cloud his eyes when there's a knock on the door. He very reluctantly gets off of me and I rush over to the door.
Pierre and Evie are standing there, Pierre ready for golf and Evie in a white robe. I'm still in the same clothes as we arrived in so I just open the door for them to come in and I'll change when Charles and Pierre are out of the room.
"Sorry, we got distracted," I tell them and close the door behind them as they walk inside.
"So you might need those condoms anyway? I was going to ask if I could have them," Pierre says, smirking over his shoulder at me until Evie grunts and slaps his chest with the back of her hand.
"Can you get your head out of the gutter for ten minutes? Such a man-whore," She rolls her eyes and I have to hold back a laugh as I walk over to the suitcase. I open it and take out the condoms and throw them his way, because either way, I don't think they'll come in very handy for us here anyway. He shakes it in front of her face and she pushes it away while grimacing.
"Charlie, you want one just in case?" Pierre asks with a horrible wink, taking one out of the pack. Charles just shakes his head and waves his hand dismissively.
"You heard her, we won't need them," He says, making Evie turn to me with her mouth open and her eyebrows tilted back.
"You got a gentleman and I got a man-whore," she whines, but Pierre spins her back towards him and he motions towards Charles.
"He's going to be exactly like me in a few months, believe me, he's only like this because he's shy!" He tries to defend himself, but Charles slaps his shoulder as he passes him on the way to the door and he presses his lips together for a moment.
"Nope, that's just you," he says, making Pierre stutter as he tries to find something to defend himself with, but he's cut off. "We're going, have fun," he says and I rush over to the door to give him a goodbye kiss.
I get changed into my bikini and one of the robes hanging in the bathroom and then we start by going down to the jacuzzi outside. When we sit there we can see the boys walking far away in the distance. They took Max with them, which I'm glad they did. He might be a pain in the ass when it comes to Evie and Pierre, but he's such a nice guy and I've felt bad about him being a bit left out lately. I would've invited him to spa day if they wouldn't have brought him golfing.
She asked me how I feel about the people mentioning condoms all day, considering I totally freaked out when the subject came up two weeks ago. I just shrug, because I don't know. It's embarrassing and I can't really meet his eyes when the subject comes up. But when we're alone we're so close and comfortable and it's just getting better and better, I don't know how far I'm ready to go but I don't feel like I'd stop him if he tried to take another step.
We moved to the pool inside where we could sit on soft beds and order drinks for ourselves and we're offered face masks that we smear on our faces before we continue talking. She asks me carefully about the rumors going around and I tell her that I haven't seen any today because I want this trip to be relaxing, and I don't want it to get to me. She tells me it's okay if it gets to me, because it's normal, and she shares some of what she went through in the beginning with Pierre. I remember how cruel they were to her, and how they said Pierre only got a seat because of her. They were so ruthless to both of them, especially her, and I remember how furious I was when I saw someone say something bad about her. She's the loveliest girl ever and she deserves silver spoons and gold castles. But it was difficult to make her see that then.
She makes sure it doesn't make me doubt anything, and I shake my head, because it only makes me want to be with him more just to prove just how happy I can make him. I want to show them that he's happy with me and they should be happy for him, because they're fans of him and he's happy. I can see how he smiles when he's with me and I know the way he kisses me. If he's not happy then I don't know what happiness looks like.
Oh god, I hope he's happy with me.
After that we went into the sauna and talked about the wedding, we did some normal gossiping and talked about what we'd do for the summer break. I told her I'd be going to the French Grand Prix but I have to get home to practice for a few days before going, but she was still happy about the company.
It became too hot and we took a final dip in the pool before showering to wash our bodies off, then we went upstairs. Charles, Pierre and Max were all in Charles and I's room playing cards and they were informing us that they had made a dinner reservation. So to get ready I had to force them all, except for Charles, out of the room.
I went into the bathroom and did my makeup while Charles got dressed, then he went into the bathroom to fix his hair. He kept kissing my shoulders, up to my neck and it tickled, which distracted me so it took my way longer than it should have. Then I went out to the room to get dressed in a black miniskirt and a red shirt with a heart neckline.
They had reserved a table at the hotel restaurant, since we didn't want to be seen and give away that we were here for Seb's wedding. Everything was meant to be completely secret, so we sat down and ordered garlic bread for appetizers and some drinks. The restaurant was small but it was really nice and there weren't really any people there, so Charles pushed my chair right next to his and I ended up sitting so close to him I might as well have been sitting on his lap. It was nice being able to do normal couple stuff that wasn't completely behind closed doors.
We just talked and laughed, we spent so much time talking about the wedding because we were all excited to see Seb and Hanna marrying. They've been dating since they were so young and they're finally becoming husband and wife. I think it's beautiful.
We finished off with dessert and some drinks and we sat there all night just talking and joking around. I kept finding myself thinking just how lucky I was to have these people in my life, even Pierre, even though he pisses me off every chance he gets. And then they finally kicked us out because they were closing the restaurant.
After saying goodnight to the others, we were back in our room and I was tired from all the food, but Charles walked right to the balcony and opened it, motioning for me to go out there. I grabbed a blanket and brought it with me, wrapping it around me as I sat down on the couch. The golf course was lit up and it brought some light to the balcony.
The thing with Charles is that I know everything about him, probably more than he knows about himself. I've seen him grow up to the person he is. I know every inch of his mind, except for that one part he uses when he's with me. I can't tell what he's thinking, because I've never been in any kind of romantic relationship with him, but oh I wish I could know what he's thinking. I want to know what he's thinking when he looks at me and I want to know how his body reacts when I touch him. I want to know if he freaks out everytime I touch him, but then end up easing into it and wishing I never had to take my hands off of him. Because I know that when he touches me, even such a simple thing as holding his hand on my waist to keep me to his side, it makes me wish I could glue it there because I never want him to let go of me.
What I do know is that if he wants something but he thinks it'll make me anxious or upset, he won't tell me. He's focusing so much on making me comfortable with him that he won't have any talks of what he wants. I don't want it to be like that. I want him to talk to me, but I don't know how to ask him to talk to me. We're supposed to meet halfway, he's not supposed to go all the way over to me to drag me out of my stupid little shell.
I don't want him to get frustrated with me and not be able to tell me in fear of upsetting me, and I don't want that to make him want to leave for someone a lot easier. He already chose someone else for the ease of her, I don't want him to do it again.
He nudged me and I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him, he laughed a little.
"Tu n'écoutes pas, à quoi penses-tu?" You're not listening, what are you thinking about? he asks, and I just shake my head and put it back on his shoulder.
"Rien, j'ai juste zoné," Nothing, I just zoned out, I shrug and then I feel his lips on the top of my head. "Vous étiez en train de dire quoi?" What were you saying?
"Seulement ça..." Just that... he says and I lift my head just to look at him again, I watch his eyes land on mine and then travel down to my lips. I wet them with my tongue and wait for him to continue, "En fait... rien," Actually... nothing, he shakes his head before crashing his lips onto mine.
I make a surprised noise as I fall back on the couch, my head landing softly on the cushion below me. He crawls on top of me and I hear him snicker a little and I feel his lips pulling as he tries to keep from laughing. I get the memo quite quickly and wrap my arms around his neck, and let his hips go in between my legs. His lips move with mine and I just enjoy it. I love just kissing him. I could lay here all night just kissing him, hour in and hour out.
After a while I let my hands travel to his hair, letting my fingers run through the hair on the back of his head, and my whole body tenses when I, not only hear the pleasuring humming he usually does when I tangle my fingers in his hair, but he makes a noise that sounds more like a moan against my lips. He catches the way my body tenses and he lifts his head to look at me. I am not only cursing myself for the way I let my body react, but I'm kicking and screaming about it too. He looks at me like he thinks he did something wrong and I can't take it. So I raise myself up on my elbows and smash my lips to his again and it makes his whole body relax again.
Eventually, his hands go from solely keeping him up, to my waist. He's squeezing, he goes up and down along my waist as if it's the only place he's allowed to touch. It comes as a pleasant surprise when he gently sneaks his hand under the material of my shirt and goes back to moving it up and down my waist, but his skin is right on mine. Both my hands slip under his shirt and explore the skin under it, his back, chest, stomach.
It was getting colder out. He sat up and I looked up at him in confusion, because I wanted to keep kissing him. But then he picked me up and he carried me inside, dropping me down on the bed. He went and closed the door to the balcony and then came right back. I sat up and he placed himself between my knees, cupping my cheeks before kissing me again. I started moving further up on the bed, pulling him with me, all the way up until I could lie down on the pillow.
He lifted his head up and smiled down at me, moving some hair out of my face before peppering my cheek with kisses that later traveled down to my jaw and then to my neck. They were soft and tickled just a little. I noticed my breathing immediately getting heavier but there was nothing that made me want to get him off of me. I wanted to pull him closer. Without a second thought, my hands went under his shirt and started pulling on it just so I could feel him closer.
Before he took his shirt off he looked at me to make sure I was sure of what I was doing and I just nodded. Kisses were quicker and deeper, while hands were everywhere, naturally exploring the places we had been too scared to go before.
The next morning I woke up practically on top of Charles. My head on his chest, my arm over his stomach, my leg thrown over his. He had his arms wrapped around me and I felt him breathing through his nose right down on my forehead. As soon as I moved just the slightest, I saw his eyes flutter open. We laid there for a long time just waking up, talking a little. I watched the morning sun light up half his face when he had rolled over with his head on the pillow. His hair was messy and shiny, his green eyes were lit up and I could see those small freckles on his face. When he smiled at something I said, a shadow was created in his dimple. When glancing over on his back I could see more sun freckles, and with every movement I saw his muscles move.
We finally got up and went to breakfast in the garden in the back of the hotel. We sat downstairs under a parasol and just listened to the nature around the hotel. Then Max came and joined us, lastly Evie and Pierre. Kimi showed up too, apparently staying in the same hotel as us. His wife and two kids were with him and I so badly wanted to talk to those children, but I don't know Finnish and they don't know any language that I know.
After breakfast it was time to get ready. We went upstairs and I took a shower to wash my hair and shave my legs. I got out and put my hair into a towel while I started my makeup. Charles was just waiting on the bed as all he had to do was change into the suit. I finished my makeup and let my hair out to let my hair finish drying. While it dried I went to sit on the balcony in my robe to paint my nails. Charles joined me and when I had finished my hands and was shaking them around to make them dry quicker, he offered to do my toenails for me. I hesitated as I thought about the mess he'd probably make, but no one would be looking at my feet anyway so I kicked them up into his lap and he grabbed the bottle of nail polish. He looked so focused as he carefully let the brush go over each nail.
When he'd finished my nails he carried me inside again, putting me down in the bathroom where I'd keep my feet still anyway. I took my curling iron out and started curling my ends before putting half of my hair up. Then I walked out into the room. The bag with my dress in it was hanging on the balcony door right next to the one with Charles' suit in it. I went up to it and Charles showed up right behind me, kissing my cheek as I pull the zipper down and gasp as I look at the dress in it.
"Oh non, non non non," I whisper as I look at the dress, grabbing fistfulls of the emerald green material of the dress hanging on the door.
"Quoi? Que se passe-t-il?" What? What's going on? Charles asks as he looks at the dress. I feel my eyes sting and I rip it off its hanger and out of the bag as if I was hoping my actual dress would be in there.
"Ce n'est pas ma robe, je ne voulais pas celle-ci," This is not my dress, this is not the one I wanted, I say weakly on a breath out. I got the blue one because out of all the dresses I felt the most comfortable in that one. It left no room for people to comment on my body, there was nothing to be seen for people to compare to other people.
"Avons-nous apporté le mauvais?" Did we bring the wrong one? he asks, looking at the dress with his eyebrows deep in confusion. He seems so calm, confused, but calm, while I feel anything but calm. I don't want to freak out, I don't want to be a baby about it, it's just a dress. But the last time I tried it, it nearly brought me to tears.
"Non, j'ai acheté le mauvais en magasin," No, I bought the wrong one in the store, I mutter as I try to get my eyes to stop stinging. I don't have time for crying, because it will ruin my makeup.
"C'est toujours joli, tu ne peux pas juste porter celui-ci?" It's still pretty, can't you just wear this one? he asks, he takes it and holds it up in front of him.
I nod in silence and take it from him. I get out of the robe and put the dress on and then he helps me tie it in the back. When he's done he walks around me and looks me up and down with a smile. He comes up to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
"Vous êtes belle," You're beautiful, he says softly. I try to force a smile, but I don't feel beautiful and I won't believe it until I see it. I walk over to the full body mirror and I look at myself. The spaghetti straps going over my now broader shoulders. How my boobs had gotten a bit smaller which really wasn't needed for this low and square neckline. The slit shows my leg and around my knees you can see so much more muscle than before, they look manly now. "Pourquoi le froncement de sourcils?" Why the frown? he asks, showing up beside me, now in his dress pants and he's buttoning his white shirt.
There was a quick stagger in my breath as I tried to make myself better by covering my shoulders with my hair, ignoring Charles because I was worried about crying again. God, I'm so sick of crying, it's ridiculous. I went into the bathroom and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to soak up the tears before they started falling. It wasn't going to be about me so it shouldn't have mattered how I looked in the dress, but there was still something in the back of my head that kept reminding me of how girly Lucie always looked. But she wasn't an athlete, she didn't work out and build muscles, her body was girly because people don't expect girls to have muscles. I knew all of that, but I couldn't push those fucking insecurities aside.
"Où sont mes chaussures?" Where are my shoes? I ask as I walk around him to get my shoes from my suitcase. When I got them out, the little devil on my shoulder reminded me of how I would get taller in heels. I don't need to get taller. I'm not that tall but I would still add another thing to my list of insecurities.
"Tu es magnifique dans cette robe, je parie que la robe que tu voulais apporter est super aussi, mais il n'y a absolument rien de mal avec celle-là," You look gorgeous in that dress, I bet the dress you wanted to bring is great too, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that one, Charles says behind me. I stand up and sit on the bed, putting on my shoes while I try to ignore the burning feeling in my stomach. I really don't feel beautiful.
"J'aurais dû apporter un cardigan ou quelque chose," I should've brought a cardigan or something, I mutter to myself as I tie the strings of the shoe up on my ankle. Charles grabs the jacket of his suit and puts it on and then he grabs the tie and puts it around his neck.
"T'es fou, c'est juin, ça va être chaud," You're crazy, it's June, it's going to be hot, he says and sends me a worried glare that I choose to ignore, because conveniently, someone knocks on the door.
I walk over to the door and avoid looking at myself in the mirror as I pass it. When I open it I see Evie a pastel yellow dress with a heart neckline and thin straps going up on her very pretty shoulders that I now realize I am very jealous of. Pierre is there too in a dark gray suit and a tie that matches her dress. They both look so good. Evie smiles when the door opens and then her mouth falls open as she looks at me.
"Céline," She breathes out in awe, using my whole name, "You're so beautiful," She smiles warmly. She's so kind, but I force a smile and I turn around and walk back into the room.
"It's not the dress I wanted," I mutter, even though she knows it's not the dress I wanted, because she was with me when I tried it on and turned it down.
"I know, but it's stunning on you, it's insane," She says as she follows me into the room, "How can you not feel good in it? It's like it was made for you!" She exclaims as she grabs my wrists and holds them. I just shake my head and pull them out of her hands.
"I don't feel good in it," I whisper, because I don't want anyone but her to hear it. I don't want Charles to hear it because I just know he'd call me beautiful again, and Pierre just simply doesn't have to know, it's none of his business. But Evie hears it and she grabs my face and leans in to put her forehead to mine.
"You're fucking gorgeous in it. I don't care what those motherfuckers on Twitter are saying and neither should you, because they're not worth listening to. Lucie has nothing on you, babe. Nothing fits together with him as much as you do, so yes, I do think this dress looks better than the one you wanted to bring and I think it's fate that this happened," She whispers so close to me that I can feel her breath on my face, but at least I know it's too low for any of the guys to hear it.
She pulls me with her to the full body mirror and she waves for the guys to leave the room for a second. Charles hesitates but does as he's asked, so Evie and I are alone in the room. She stands behind me in the mirror and she looks at me through it. I look at my body in the dress and I frown even deeper when she moves my hair so it's behind my shoulders.
"I wish I had your tan," She states and I look at how tanned I've gotten since summer started, then she looks down at my hips, "I want your hips too, they look so good in this dress," She adds and I focus a little on them, "Hell, I'd kill for your teeth, your smile is gorgeous. Charles told me it's his favorite thing about your face, and your eyes. They make your eyes look bigger," she shrugs and I catch myself looking at my teeth in the mirror with my brows furrowed, I've never thought about them, "also, you have this one dimple on one side of your face when you smile, and it's extra distinct when your smiling towards Charles, which is so adorable," she continues and I just keep looking for the dimple, "Finally, I am so jealous of the way you walk in and it's like you're the moon, it can be so dark and you walk in like a light and it can make all heads turn."
I meet her eyes in the mirror and I think of what she just said. Does she realize that if I'm the moon then she's the sun? She has the power to light up the whole place. She's bright and warm. Besides, the moon needs the sun to shine, and I need her. Without her I wouldn't be where I am, because I'm pretty sure I would've pushed Charles away the first time I panicked. But she keeps me in check and she shines her light on me to let me shine for a little while. I don't think there will be a day when I won't need her. I wonder if she knows.
I watch her in the mirror, she's smiling as she has her hands on my shoulders to keep me in place in front of the mirror. I look again at myself, at my hips that she told me she was jealous of, the features she mentioned on my face, and then I look at her.
"I love your cheeks when you smile, they bunch up a little, it's cute," I tell her, because I don't want her to be the one making me feel good all the time, I want to tell make her feel beautiful too, "I love your lips, they have a nice color and you don't even need gloss or lipstick," I add and she shakes her head, opening her mouth to say something but I cut her off, "I love your long legs, I wish I had longer legs, they make you look like a model," I shrug and her lips snap shut again, "I also love your eyes in the sun, and also how you widen them a little when you look at Pierre, I don't think you know that you do it, but you do," I free myself from her grip and I turn to face her, looking her up and down, "You have a great ass too," I add with a smirk, making her chuckle.
She looks at me for a minute with a wide smile on her face, the one that bunches up her cheeks, and her eyes are flickering between mine. She huffs before she pulls me into a hug where she puts her head onto my shoulder and I hear her sniffle, but I don't think she's crying, she might be stopping herself from it though.
"I'm serious, you look so good in that dress, it physically hurts that you can't see it because of some braindead fuckers on the internet," She says, and I just rub her back in response, because it's not like I can just stop being insecure about it all of a sudden, but I do feel better about other things now, and I don't feel like crying about the stupid dress anymore.
She's blown all the rain clouds away, like she always does.
"You don't have to put out my fires every time, you have your own life and-"
"Oh stop it," She waves me off dismissively before turning around and walking towards the door, "But I'm expecting you to stop me from running out on my wedding day in the future."
//
I just handed in my final assignment of the year, so I'll have like three weeks of just writing draftsssssss