A family had moved into the house where we used to live. Arthur says they have an annoying daughter and that he doesn't like them. I laugh and remind him that the previous family also had an annoying daughter. He just looked at me before agreeing.
We're sitting on the roof of their house. We all had dinner together and our parents are currently catching up, trying to talk about anything other than the loss our families have been through the past three years. After dinner, me and Arthur climbed up here and sat looking over at my old house.
"Ça me manque de t'avoir à côté," I miss having you next door, he says with a heavy sigh.
"Vivre à côté me manque," I miss living next door, I reply also sighing, "Il me manque beaucoup de choses," I miss a lot of things, I add.
We heard something from Arthur's window next to us. We turned and saw Charles looking out at us before climbing out. He silently sat down next to me, looking over at the house we've been staring at for the past hour.
"Je n'arrive pas à croire que tes parents aient vendu la maison..." I can't believe your parents sold the house, Charles says after a while. Me and Arthur both start laughing.
"Il vous a fallu tout ce temps pour vous en apercevoir?" It took you this long to notice? I ask through my laughter. Charles looks at me, annoyed before laughing a bit himself.
"C'était dur de rater le silence," It was hard to miss the silence, he admits, "Combien de temps allez-vous rester?" How long are you staying? he asks.
"Es-tu déjà malade de moi?" Are you already sick of me? I chuckle while looking over at him who just smiles as he stares over at the house.
"Jamais, tu le sais." Never, you know that, he says while shaking his head.
I smile to myself before sighing, letting my smile fade, "Nous partons tôt le lundi matin." We leave early on Monday morning.
Charles and Arthur both turn their heads to me and I know they're disappointed. I lay down on the roof, watching the stars, trying not to ruin my own mood by thinking about leaving so soon. I'm supposed to be happy right now.
"Peu importe, vous partez tous les deux pour des courses mardi, n'est-ce pas?" It doesn't matter, you're both leaving for races on Tuesday, right? I say when they're both silent. They both start muttering as they lay down next to me. They wouldn't be home to spend time with me even if I was staying longer.
"Tu viens d'arriver, ne parlons pas de ton départ," You just got here, let's not talk about you leaving again, Arthur says.
"Tu te souviens quand Jules a essayé de se faufiler par cette fenêtre mais il est tombé? il s'est foulé la cheville d'une manière ou d'une autre," Do you guys remember when Jules tried to squeeze through that window but he fell? He sprained his ankle somehow, Charles said, pointing across to the other house at a small window on the first floor.
Me and Arthur both started laughing because we began to reminisce on how we would keep taking Jules' crutches, running around with them to prevent him from going anywhere.
"Ouais je suis tombé sur lui en essayant de le faire et il m'a soudoyé avec de la glace si je ne le disais pas à maman et papa." Yeah, I walked in on him trying to do it and he bribed me with ice cream if I didn't tell mum and dad, I laughed in reply.
"Tu as été facilement soudoyé avec de la glace," You were easily bribed with ice cream, Charles laughs, "Je t'ai soudoyé avec de la glace quand j'ai cassé ce vase chez toi," I bribed you with ice cream when I broke that vase at your house.
"C'est vrai j'ai beaucoup pris la chute pour toi." Right, I took the fall for you a lot, I agree, nudging them both, because I did it for the both of them.
"C'est toi qui m'as causé des ennuis!" You were the one who got me in trouble, Arthur exclaimed.
"J'ai pris la chute pour vous beaucoup plus, tous les deux," I took the fall for you a lot more, both of you, Charles exclaims on my other side.
We spend the rest of the night recalling old memories while laughing until our stomachs hurt. Even if my stomach hurt, I felt like all the pain in my life was gone for a while. We also heard our parents look for us downstairs, but we had no intention of letting them know where we were. We hushed and tried to keep from laughing while they looked around the whole property.
On race day I finally got my revenge. For once in my life I woke up before Arthur. Charles had been up for a while to prepare for the race. I snuck into Arthur's room, watching him sleep peacefully in his bed and I smiled to myself. Not at all because it's sweet, but because I can get back at him.
I go up to squat down at the end of his bed where his foot is sticking out. I start to tickle under his foot and soon he starts twitching. When he stills, I continue. When I'm sure he's a bit more awake, but still confused, I jump up and land on top of him. He huffs and yells from the scare before pushing me off.
"Tu es une menace totale," You total menace, he sighs as he rolls over.
"C'est le jour de la course et je veux voir Evelina, lève-toi," It's race day and I want to see Evelina, get up, I tell him, rolling out of his bed to open the curtains, letting the sun in. He mutters something about being down in five as I walk out of his room, rolling my eyes.
I walk downstairs to the kitchen and the first thing I smell is bacon. Charles is in the kitchen, bandana tied around his head to keep the hair out of his face. He's in shorts but the shirt is missing. My eyes scan his chest and stomach before I look away, shameful. He didn't see it but I can't look at his chest like that.
He looks up at me, "tu es debout avant Arthur, une fois dans une vie," You're up before Arthur, that's a once in a lifetime.
I smile sarcastically at him before sitting down at the kitchen island across from where he's standing. He puts some bacon and scrambled eggs on a plate and places it in front of me before I get the chance to protest.
"Oh .. non, je ne peux pas manger le matin," Oh, no, I can't eat in the morning, I tell him as I give him back the plate.
"Sauf si vous êtes enceinte, vous pouvez," Unless you're pregnant, you can, he says before putting it back in front of me. I glare at him for a moment and he just glares back.
"Depuis quand préparez-vous le petit-déjeuner le matin de toute façon?" Since when do you make breakfast in the morning anyway, I ask, grabbing a fork. I can at least try some if he made it, even though I don't feel hungry at all.
"Depuis que je voulais prouver à tes parents que je vaux mieux que toi et Arthur réunis," Since I wanted to prove to your parents that I'm better than both you and Arthur combined, he smiles at me as I chew the bacon.
I chuckle at him, "Personne n'aime un show-off," Nobody likes a show-off.
"Je le fais, s'il a du bacon," I do, if he has bacon, my dad says, entering the sunny kitchen. I slide the plate over to him and stand up from the stool.
"Tu peux avoir le mien, je vais me préparer," You can have mine, I'm going to get ready, I say, walking out of the kitchen to head back upstairs.
"La course n'est pas avant trois," the race isn't until three, Dad says as I'm on my way out of there.
"Elle ira avec moi," She'll go with me, Charles quickly says, making us both turn to him, "Elle ira là-bas avec moi, pour qu'elle puisse voir Evelina un moment." She'll go with me so she can see Evelina for a while, he adds.
My dad silently nods and I smile at Charles before heading upstairs. When walking into the room I'm staying in, Arthur is on my bed with my phone in his hand. He doesn't even look at me when I walk in.
"Je cherche des garçons," I'm looking for boys, he says.
"Bon de savoir que tu as une nouvelle orientation," Good to know you have a new orientation, I say as I snatch the phone from his hands.
"Je cherchais à voir si tu me cachais des choses, comme un petit ami." I was looking to see if you were hiding things from me, like a boyfriend, he says, sitting up on my bed while I walk over to sit down by the mirror.
"Pourquoi aurais-je un petit ami, tu l'aurais su." Why would I have a boyfriend, you would've known, I tell him.
"Tu es plus heureux," You're happier. I look up at him, meeting his eyes through the mirror.
"Arthur," I say, a bit of warning in my tone.
"Peut-être juste parce que tu me vois moi et mon beau visage," Maybe because you get to see me and my beautiful face, he says, rolling over on his stomach and smiling widely with his hands under his chin. I chuckle at him as I start my makeup, "Pour qui deviens-tu jolie?" Who are you getting pretty for, he asks.
This time I turned around, throwing my beauty blender at him, "Je te l'ai dit, on ne se fait pas jolie pour les autres!" I told you, we don't make ourselves pretty for others, I yell at him as he throws my beauty blender back at me while laughing, "Il y a des caméras partout," There are cameras all over there, I add when I turn back to the mirror.
"Toto Wolff a une femme," Toto Wolff has a wife, he says and I sigh again.
"Toto Wolff a 46 ans," He's 46 years old, I state.
"Ouais, mais il est chaud, non?," Yeah, but he's hot, right? he asks while wiggling his eyebrows.
"Je suis content d'apprendre ta nouvelle orientation sexuelle Arthur, je suis content pour toi," I'm happy to hear about your new sexual orientation Arthur, I'm happy for you, I say while he's laughing behind me.
For the next hour, Arthur is on my bed on his phone, scrolling through Instagram while I get ready. I actually put on some eyeliner for the first time in years and I let my brown hair down. I get dressed and Arthur goes downstairs to eat some breakfast, waiting until I come down.
Charles is waiting on the couch in his Sauber shirt, ready to leave. He is talking to my mum and I can hear her making an attempt to sound happy and supportive of his F1 career. I know she doesn't like that they keep racing, when the worst has happened so close to us. She just cares about them and wants them to stay safe. She doesn't want the same thing to happen to them. I'm not sure she'll be okay to go to the race, but I do hope she'll try for him.
He looks up at me when I walk into the room, "Êtes-vous prêt à aller?" Are you ready to go, he asks, starting to stand up.
"Tu n'es pas obligé d'aller avec lui maintenant, nous serons là quand la course commencera, pourquoi tu n'irais pas avec nous?" You don't have to go with him now, we'll be there when the race starts, why don't you go with us? Mum asks, looking at me and taking my hand.
"Je veux voir Evelina avant la course," I want to see Evelina before the race, I tell her, pulling my hand away as I walk out to the hallway.
"J'ai appelé Daniel, ça va," I called Daniel, it's okay, my dad tells my mum before we walk out the door. I stop and just roll my eyes because they are being ridiculous. It's not like I am getting into the car, I'm on the side. I don't get why they don't even want me at the paddock. I think they're worried it's difficult for me just because it's difficult for them.
"A plus tard les gars!" See you guys later, Arthur yells from the kitchen, his mouth stuffed with food. As we close the door I hear Pascale yell at him for talking with food in his mouth. I thought he was coming with us but... I guess not?
Charles drove us there in an Alfa Romeo car that's provided by the team. There were cameras flickering the moment we got to the race track. We had all our passes around our necks and Charles had to stop multiple times to sign things or say 'hi' to fans, taking pictures with them. I stayed out of the way, just wanting to get into the paddock and find Evelina. Maybe I should've checked if she's even here, but here I am. It's a little late for that now.
Every now and then, we'd pass someone who knew my name, which didn't really surprise me all that much. Jules was well liked and through the years I had been the subject of a lot of gossip pages since Jules died. Nothing scandalous, more like "Where is she now?" and "Did she have a fall out with the Leclerc brothers?" and they were all filled with a load of bullshit.
But the media in Monaco is always ten times worse than anywhere else, because they want to catch all the celebrities walking in. This year there are rumors of the Kris Jenner being here, Bella Hadid is rumored to be here too, and those are just some of the celebrities here today.
When they yelled my name I just smiled and waved. I wasn't really comfortable getting into the hoard of people. They don't want my autograph, they just want to prove they know my name.
When we finally made it into the paddock, I spotted Daniel. I waved him over and he walked alongside me towards the Red Bull garage after I waved goodbye to Charles. I'll see him later.
"Why did my parents call you?" I ask.
"They asked me to keep an eye on you while you're here," he says.
"Please don't," I say softly.
"I won't, if you don't snitch on me," he says, holding his pinky out. I link his pinky with mine and nod shortly.
"Is Evelina here?" I ask.
"In there," he says, pointing into the Red Bull lounge. I thank him and walk right into the lounge, where she's sitting at a table with Max. I sit down next to Max, across from Evelina.
"I'm being suffocated," I state, putting my palms flat on the table.
Evelina calmly looks over to Max with a smile, "Okay, get lost," she says and Max chuckles before leaving the table, "Do you need me to do CPR?"
For the next forty minutes I nagged about my parents. It was like we never were apart. It was so natural coming back to her even after all these years. I wish I was better at staying in touch with people, but I struggled so much the first few months and after those months I just felt too guilty to reach out to them again. But it probably would've been easier for me to get through if I had Evelina in my life. Her middle name describes her perfectly, she's an angel.
She got closer with Arthur while I was MIA, I'm glad he had her to talk to because I know how great she is. She is the friend I've always wanted to be to someone, but I never could. I was busy crying in my room or letting my parents suffocate me.
After two full hours of catching up, Charles found us, sitting down next to me. He looked between us both and looked confused.
"You're meaning to tell me you guys are just sitting here? I have a bet with Arthur on how much damage you're going to cause!" he says, slamming his fist to the table with a sigh.
"Tough luck," Evelina says, "Some of us grew up."
"Yeah so when is it your turn?" Charles asks right back, making Evelina roll her eyes and look over to me.
"Vem ska berätta för honom att han inte kommit ur målbrottet än?" Who's gonna tell him he's not through puberty yet, she asks, speaking in Swedish. For some goddamn reason she's learnt Swedish and we now have a language we can speak when we don't want all the testosterone to understand us.
I burst out laughing and turn to Charles who is looking confused between us, he points to Evelina and then to me before shaking his head.
"She knows Swedish too? This is going to bring us all hell, isn't it?" Charles asks as he slowly stands up, departing from the table.
"Evie is the pretty version of me," I tell him as he walks away, but it makes him stop.
"Do you know how ugly you'd have to be for her to be the pretty version of you?" he asks.
Evie grabs the empty paper cup she has in front of her and throws it after him as he laughs and runs out of there. She laughs as she sits down and then she gives him the finger through the windows.
"You've stolen my friends," I laugh at her, obviously joking, but she looks confused, "I was gone for so long, I didn't meet any of these people who I used to spend so much time with and like so much, I sucked at keeping in touch with people after... So like, I feel so disconnected to everyone," I say, trying to make it light hearted but my heart is way too heavy thinking about it.
Evie looks at me like she's hurt, but I never intended the joke to hurt her so I feel the panic rising until she grabs my hand and looks at me.
"No one is ever going to take your place in their lives, not Arthur's not Charle's not mine, not anyone's," She says sternly, "You're the most special girl in those brother's life, throw that attitude out the window, ms ma'am!"
This right here, is why Evie is the greatest person in this whole wide world. She's the friend everyone needs but not everyone deserves. Her heart is too big and too good for the average person. I don't know what I did as a child to deserve her. So I smile at her and we keep talking together, planning our next hit of chaos together.
"Céline, hello," I hear someone whisper-yelling behind me, making me turn around in just pure confusion. Seb is standing in the door to the lounge and is waving me over, "Don't let them see you in a Red Bull lounge, are you crazy?"
I laugh at him and turn to Evie who just stands up, "Right, is it better at Ferrari?" she asks.
"Of course it is, we have a karaoke machine," he says with a wink, holding the door open for us as we step out onto the sunny paddock. It had gotten a lot hotter while we were inside and it was burning by now.
Karaoke machine.
There we have it, the chaos we need. The one thing we've always been is troublemakers, we're not stopping now. Evie said that some of us grow up but I can assure you that we aren't two of those people.
We share that thought and she takes my hand, running towards the Ferrari garage. The mechanics are looking at us questioning, but they don't have the time to stop us as we squeeze through them and towards Seb's little room. He hasn't locked it, which was his second mistake, the first one was telling us that the karaoke machine existed in the first place.
We scanned the room for the machine and we found a quite small thing with its microphone and we took it with us. Seb was standing outside the garage, laughing as he knew what chaos he had started. I bet this was his plan. He too wanted something new to happen around the place.
We ran back to the Red Bull lounge and kept going up the stairs until we got to the big balcony you could step out on, facing the track. We put it on and searched for a song to sing together. What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction was the obvious pick and we pressed play, putting the volume up as much as we could, singing out and gaining the attention from the drivers, mechanics and all the hard workers on the grid.
This gained us a 'back of the grid penalty', meaning Charles and Max separated us by putting us in their respective garages. Charles's face had been as red as a Ferrari car as he pulled me, laughing, with him to the Sauber garage. He took me into the lounge, sat me down and then sat in front of me to make sure I didn't go anywhere.
Seb came to apologize to Charles, saying he told us about the karaoke machine to see if we'd use it. Charles obviously couldn't get mad at Sebastian Vettel, so he just said it was fine and that it gave him a good laugh. It didn't fall too well with Christian Horner, though.
"Tu vas devoir me laisser partir finalement," You're gonna have to let me go eventually, I tell him as he sits back down in front of me when Sebastian has left.
"Pas tant que tes parents ne sont pas là." Not until your parents are around, he shakes his head, looking out the window.
He is such a hypocrite, telling me he wanted chaos but when he got the chaos he started babysitting me.
"M'as-tu dit de me conduire mal pour me forcer à passer du temps avec toi?" Did you tell me to misbehave so you could force me to spend time with you? I ask in sarcasm. He looks up at me before rolling his eyes.
"Je ne savais pas que Netflix était là aujourd'hui, tes parents pourraient me tuer maintenant." I didn't know Netflix was here today, your parents might kill me now, he says, looking out the window.
"Pourquoi Netflix est-il ici?" Why is Netflix here? I ask, looking out to actually see a big camera team moving around. I had been so busy with Evie that I hadn't noticed them before.
"Ils font une nouvelle émission sportive Netflix, comme un documentaire, des caméras partout." They're making a new show for Netflix, a documentary, cameras everywhere, he says.
He's probably right then, my parents have been trying to keep me away from cameras and the public eye for years, since they just wanted it all to die down. I had to sign a form that stated I wasn't allowed on any social media or websites by my school in Sweden. In Monaco they told me not to post where we were, ever. They couldn't handle reporters and paparazzi, so they kept me as far away from it as possible. They even told me to avoid as many cameras and attention as possible when we're here, which I have massively failed, especially if Netflix is here.
"Quel est le pire qui puisse arriver? Je n'ai pas été dans un paddock depuis trois ans," What's the worst that can happen? I haven't been in a paddock in three years, I shrug, even though I know they might as well go crazy with it.
Charles and I dropped it and just talked about the season so far. He's always been good at blaming himself when things don't go his way. He praises the car for a win but blames himself for a DNF. He's getting better at being confident now than he was before. I tell him he's great, he wouldn't be here if they didn't think he had potential. Jules had seen his potential and so does a lot of other people. He's one out of the 20 best drivers in the world, he had no reason to not be confident.
It was getting time for the race, they had to warm up and get changed and talk to their mechanics. Max came to tell Charles he had a babysitter for us and I laughed out loud at the fact that they thought we'd need babysitters at almost 18 years old. It's not like we'd do anything to get them into trouble.
Evelina and I were placed in the Red Bull box, since the babysitter Max found was on his team. Charles told me to go back to his box when my parents came around. He didn't want people to think I supported Red Bull instead of him, which was hilarious to me, but of course I agreed. My dad would probably force me to anyway.
As he was telling me to do all of this and to not do something stupid, Pierre walked in and put a hand on his shoulder before looking at me and Evelina. I glanced over at her and saw her immediately look away from him. She seemed a bit nervous and I made a mental note to ask her about it later, sneakily.
There was a quick whistle and then a finger on my cheek bone, forcing me to look back straight. Charles had forced me to pay attention to him and he was now closer to my face. I don't know why my body tensed so much, but I relaxed quickly.
"Hé, je te parle encore," Hey, I'm still talking to you, he says before looking at Pierre on his side. Pierre was looking at Charles while his arm rested around Charles's shoulders,
"Sbarazzati di Pierre, è qui per mettermi in imbarazzo," Get rid of Pierre, he's here to embarrass me, he says now in Italian to make sure Pierre doesn't understand him.
"That's not fair, I heard you say my name!" he says, following Charles as he walks away.
Me and Evelina watch them in silence as they walk away seemingly still arguing about the Italian part. I knew Jules's lessons would come in handy. I've also been studying it for three years in Sweden, and got some extra credit.
"Pierre has gotten quite cute," I say, nudging Evelina a bit, "Right?"
She nudges me back, chuckling a bit as I watch her face get more and more red. The look I give her is to tell her I've noticed her whole persona changing as soon as he's around. If it's not a crush then it has to be something else.
"Well, so has Charles, huh?" She squeaks, looking straight forward instead of at me.
For a moment I just stare at her in silence, in disbelief of her words. When she finally turns her gaze back to me and I see her holding back laughter. It causes me to break out into laughter, loud and silly and laughing-until-my-stomach hurts kind of laughs leave our mouths while we struggle to just stay sitting up on our stools.
"You've got to be kidding me," I say, shaking my head between the wheezes, trying to keep the tears from escaping and ruining my makeup.
"What?" She defends, "Are you going to be completely blind to the fact that he's actually decent looking for your whole life just because he had bad teenage years?" She says as she's laughing.
"Are you crushing on Pierre?" I ask her and I barely get the sentence out before her hand is slapped on top of my mouth. She hushed me and looked around.
"Snälla, min bror skulle döda mig om han fick höra något sånt om mig, han skulle bli galen," Please, my brother would kill me if he heard something like that about me, he would go insane, she says in Swedish, making sure no one else can understand what we're saying.
"Okej men kan du svara på min fråga?" Okay, but can you answer my question, I demand after pushing her hand from my mouth. I don't really need her to answer it though, she's blushing enough to tell me all I need to know.
"Du får inte säga något till någon, inte Charles eller Arthur, dom kommer säga till Max," You can't tell anyone, not Charles or Arthur, they'll tell Max, she says quietly, looking down at the ground.
I smile carefully, trying to hide it with my hand and then start to giggle, making her slap my arm. Out of all the people she could have liked, it's Pierre. He is good looking and he is funny, but best of all, he's friends with Charles. If Evie and Pierre would start dating I could see her a lot more, since I'm friends with Charles who's friends with Pierre.
"Men Charles är inte så ful längre, du måste erkänna," Charles really isn't that bad looking anymore, you have to admit, she tells me and I just keep giggling but cock my head to the side a bit. I guess she's right.
"Kanske inte, men jag har sett honom sen han var tre år gammal, att säga att han är snygg känns äckligt," Maybe not, but I've seen him since he was three years old so calling him hot feels gross, I tell her, looking out to the track and I see Charles, Max and Pierre all talking and laughing, they're all in their race suits now.
"Det är okej, jag kan kalla honom snygg och du kan nicka," It's okay, I can call him hot and you can nod, Evie says and I laugh at her again.
My dad shows up with Arthur, telling me my mum stayed behind. Pascale links her arm in mine and she sits next to me in the box. Before Charles left the garage, he was sitting in the car and he called me over to it. He held his hand out and we made the handshake, telling me he was hoping for some good luck today. I laughed and walked back to his mum and got ready for the race start.
I guess my hands didn't give him any luck at all. He had a collision with Brendan Hartley and some break failure. He had to retire but the collision nearly had me on the floor. I saw them touching and soon enough I saw both of them losing control of their cars. Collisions, crashes and mechanical issues happen in this sport, it's totally normal and to be expected. I've always known that. Nothing has changed during the past three years. Still, when I saw Charles losing control, my heart stopped and it sank to my stomach.
I stood up from the chair and I closed my eyes because I couldn't watch it happening. I was freaking out on the inside, wanting to cry, even though he was proven to be fine only twenty seconds after their collision. Dad asked Arthur to take me back so no cameras were going to see me. He helped me back to Charles' room and sat me down on the bed there. He squatted in front of me while holding my hands but he stayed silent. He just let me calm down at my own pace. He held my gaze, motioned for me to breathe with him and soon enough I was breathing normally. I wasn't having a panic attack but I had been panicking for a minute, anxiety breaking loose inside of me. Arthur stood up, putting his hands on my cheeks while using his thumbs to dry some tears that had been escaping silently.
The door opens and Charles walks in, pulling off his helmet and his baklava, putting them to the side quickly. I stand up and go to hug him as soon as he has his hands free. I knew he was okay but I was just so happy to see him and have it confirmed. He rubs my back slowly while squeezing lightly around me.
"Je suis désolé," I'm sorry, he apologizes, he repeats it three more times before I let him go, smiling at him.
"Ce n'est pas ta faute, ne t'excuse pas" It's not your fault, don't apologize, I shake my head. "Ça peut arriver à n'importe qui, tu es un bon conducteur," It could happen to anyone, you're a good driver, I tell him, drying my eyes with the back of my thumbs. He forces a light smile and sighs. I know he wants to object and tell me something he could've done better but he doesn't.
"Je vais bien, je ne sais pas ce qui s'est passé," I'm fine, I don't know what happened, I tell them both and make a move towards the door to walk back out so I can watch the rest of the race. I don't want people to think I'm reacting for attention so I need to get out there and show to everyone that I'm perfectly fine. I mean, it must've been worse for Pascale, she watched her son and even though it was a light collision, it might get nerve wrecking.
"C'est normal, C, c'est la première course depuis... et ça arrive... ça va, d'accord?" It's normal, C, it's the first race since... he doesn't say it but I know what he means to say, then this happens, it's okay, alright? he tells me. He grabs my shoulder and looks me in the eye. "Écoute, je suis juste là. Je ne suis pas blessé. Je vais bien." Look, I'm right here. I'm not hurt. I'm okay. I just nod at him, smiling lightly, because I barely understand why I reacted that much, that quick, even though my brain knew better. He then wraps me in a hug before he heads back out to everyone.
When I go back, Dad looks over at me and sighs. Pascale smiles at me and she puts a hand on my knee when I sit back down and put the headphones back on. Dad mutters something that sounds like 'I knew it' and I just know that he didn't like that I reacted like that. He didn't like that I reacted like that in front of cameras and he doesn't know if they were on us for long enough to see me that way. It just gives us more attention, since everyone knows what happened to Jules. Showing myself like that would give the papers something to write about other than my family's presence. Besides, we're supposed to be strong. We're not going to show anything other than how strong we are.
Daniel won the race and we watched him on the podium. He waved down at me and I felt so glad to know that at least one of them, either him or Jules, got to stand there as a Grand Prix winner. Daniel got to win Jules's home race for him. Daniel drank out of his shoe and he let himself fall into the pool where the rest of his team joined him. The celebrations were grand. He won in Monaco for goodness sake.
Evie checked in on me as soon as the race was over and she could find me. She saw Charles's collision and told me she just knew it must've been hard. I didn't tell her about Arthur having to take me away, because I think a part of me wanted her to believe I was strong enough to watch that happen. After three years of neglecting my relationships with people, I could've at least learnt how to handle watching the sport. I had so much time to heal, I should be strong enough by now, so I pretended I had been. Seb also came to check in and so did Lewis. It felt embarrassing how they all thought that Charles' small collision would be too much for me. It had been, but that they all expected it. I told them it was fine, I was okay and it hadn't been all that bad to watch for a first race back. I told them whatever made them believe I was stronger than I was.
While they were all celebrating, finishing up, doing their final interviews and getting ready to leave the paddock, I stayed behind with Charles and Arthur. All to win some time with them and with Evie before we leave tomorrow. We were standing behind all the drivers doing their interviews even though my dad told me to stay away from the cameras before he left. Daniel's happy winner's smile showed up in front of us. We had already congratulated him so we just took in his winner glow for a second.
"Are you coming with us to celebrate tonight?" he asks, looking between us. I felt guilty about having to say no. His smile was so wide because this is such a big deal to him. His redemption day as they called it on TV.
"I'm not even 18 yet," Evelina replies, shaking her head, "I have another two weeks to go."
"As if they care when the whole paddock shows up, Max will help you in I'm sure," Daniel says before turning to me as if to get my answer and I shake my head.
"I need to get back soon, we're flying home early tomorrow," I say with a light shrug. Both Daniel and Evie raise their eyebrows as they look at me.
"You're going home already?!" Daniel asks, "You just got here! You can't miss my redemption day celebrations Céline!"
"Seriously?" Lewis joins Daniel's side, having heard me, "I thought you were staying longer."
"Me too!" Evelina says, sadness poorly hidden in her voice.
"Why are there frowns over here? Why is the Monaco winner frowning?" this voice is coming from between me and Evie and then there's a person having his arms on each of our shoulders. Pierre Gasly looks around the group we're in and I focus on Evie who quickly tenses and looks at me in just a slight panic.
"Céline is leaving already." Daniel says, motioning at me, making Pierre turn his head to me where I am under his shoulder.
"Without celebrating Danny properly? Really?" he asks me, shaking me with the arm around me. "I have to be on a plane at seven in the morning," I say, hating to disappoint them.
If it was up to me I wouldn't be leaving at all. The thought of leaving all of my favorite people again makes my stomach ache. These past two days have been better than every other day in the past three years. I'm supposed to just leave everything again. Monaco, Arthur, Charles, Evie, the paddock and all the drivers. This is my home and I will always consider it my home. Of course I'm sad about leaving again so soon.
Charles comes up next to me, pushing Pierre's arm off of me. I bet he's scared of my dad finding out he just lets boys touch me when he's not there. Someone has to ward them off, I guess. Lewis turns to Charles, nudging him.
"You're just letting her leave again after barely two days?" he asks, putting the blame on Charles instead, who offendedly turns to me as if I was the one putting the blame on him.
"I didn't book her flight," he says, holding his hands, "In fact, I didn't even know she was coming. If it was up to me she wouldn't be leaving."
"Alls," at all, Evie tabs in from the other side of Pierre, who still hadn't let go of her.
"Well, don't let her," Pierre shrugs, "lock her into the basement and tell her parents she ran away. Or we'll hide her in the Italy houses," Pierre jokes. Or at least I think he's joking.
"Honestly, C, if you want to stay longer I'm sure it's fine with Mum, we'll even provide you with the damn flight home," Charles says as Arthur joins his side, looking over at me and quickly catching up on what's going on.
"Are you staying?" He asks me before turning to Charles, "Are we convincing her to stay?"
"I can't," I shake my head while laughing a bit at their dedication, "I have school for two more weeks."
"Aren't you graduating?" Evie asks and I turn to her and nod slowly. It doesn't matter though, Mum would never let me stay. She's way too nervous and anxious when she can't control every aspect of my life. She's been like that since Jules went.
"You are? Then what the hell is two weeks?!" Daniel exclaims, rolling his eyes. Lewis agrees with him and Pierre just looks between us all with a smirk on his face. Arthur and Charles look at me expectantly and with some excitement.
Charles sighs, "Come on, Céline, you're happier here you could just stay with us. Your parents are the ones who want to stay in Sweden, so let them. You can stay with us. We have the room, our mum practically helped raise you. She'd let you stay with us in a heartbeat. She's always wanted a daughter anyway," Charles argues.
I can't believe what he's implying when it's completely unrealistic. It's insane and it will never happen. My parents aren't just going to let me move in with them.
Arthur walks up to me to put his hands on my shoulders. He begins shaking me, aggressively, "Why are you saying no when you have the chance to live in the same house as me?!"
"Because I'd live in the same house as you two," I say sarcastically, "I can talk to my mum but I can't promise anything." Even though she'll surely shoot me down in a heartbeat.
The people around me start cheering even though I've given them nothing but a promise to ask a question even though I know the answer is an immediate no. There is no way she's agreeing to this. She's not crazy...
...or maybe she is, because they're leaving without me. Of course it wasn't all that easy though. I asked her and she practically laughed in my face. I kept begging and she kept saying no. It was like she didn't even think about it or consider it. Dad also said no and he just told me that they can't do something like that. Especially not this randomly, they're not exactly leaving their kid at a sleepover. While I was busy trying to convince my parents, Arthur and Charles talked to Pascale. When I came back all disappointed, Pascale asked to speak to my mother alone and they went with a bottle of wine to the backyard.
The three of us ran upstairs and climbed through Arthur's window onto the roof and climbed around the house until we could hear them talking. "I haven't seen her this happy in over three years... she has her friends... she feels safe... this is her place... this is where she belongs, she's always belonged here with the boys... she lost Jules so let her keep the others, they're the most important people in each other's lives... haven't you seen her eyes sparkling while she's here... she's going to be safe, I can assure you... I need company when they're away racing anyway... She'll have to move for school anyway, she might as well move here." Were some of the sentences Pascale used in an attempt of winning my mother over.
Apparently, Charles and Arthur had been able to convince her quite easily. She loved me, they said, and I knew that but I didn't know she loved me enough to ask my mother to let me move in with her. She talked about me and about us thinking we couldn't hear her. But her words made me realize how much she was right, how well she knew me and noticed things about me. She's always been an important person in my life but she's been their mother. I've never thought about how much of an impact we've had on each other's life. As she spoke about my relationship to Monaco and to the boys and their family, I grabbed their hands. I just felt like I had to touch them, and we couldn't really hug each other because they would see us and freak out about us being on the roof.
They agreed to leave without me on Monday, but I was coming home the week after for my graduation and to pack up the things I wanted to bring back to Monaco. Of course I'd still have my room in Monaco and I promised to behave because they were able to make me move back to them anytime they wanted. They said they'd visit more frequently, they'd be here a lot. Somehow, Charles and Arthur managed to put the fire out from my crash, they got the car off the track and they put it back in its garage where it belongs.