Chapter 24
We extend our stay for 2 days. Hindi rin umalis sila Ellouise dahil gusto na kasabay kami pag aalis na. Ang dalawa naman ay nagkakausap na pero hindi kagaya no'ng gabi na 'yon.
"I still can't believe it, Lucille. Did I really did that?" Tanong sa akin ni Errol.
I closed my eyes and nodded. Napatingin ako kay Ellouise pag mulat ng akin mata. Kinuha ni Ellouise ang cellphone na nakapatong sa mesa.
"You two were singing Jopay." Sabi ko pa. Nakaawang ang labi ni Errol at napahawak sa ulo.
I also can't believed that he don't remember anything what happened that night. Hindi na dapat umiinom ang dalawang 'to kung wala naman maalala kinabukasan.
Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Nash na humawak sa kamay kong nakapatong sa akin hita. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Hindi ko na pansin na nakatingin pala ito sa akin! Nakakailang naman.
"Why?" I tilt my head.
He immediately shooked his head. "Ang ganda mo lang." Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata ko at pagtibok ng aking puso. Nag init din ang aking mukha.
Tinampal ko ang kaniyang hita at tinakpang ang ilong kasama ang aking pisngi. Isang kamay lang. Nagtaka naman ito sa bigla kong pagtampal sa kaniya.
"Pabigla-bigla ka naman sa paganda mo."
In boracay, everything went well. Sana pa lang pinili na lang namin na mag stay do'n kaysa sa umuwi. Lagi ko na lang nakakalimutan na may problema pa pala ako sa pamilya ko.
Mahirap ang trabaho ni Nash sa totoo lang. Kahit na nakauwi na siya dito sa amin ay minsan kailangan niya pa ring umuwi sa kanila. Sometimes, natutulog kami ng magkatabi pero minsan hindi rin.
Bumisita ako sa site. Wala lang, gusto ko tignan 'yung progress lalo na't si Nash ang engineer nito.
And there's this one time that I wore a dress with no underneath. And I want to sleep with Nash but got rejected. It was embarrassing. And I didn't do it again. I think, that's also the reason on why we sometimes sleep on the same bed and sometimes don't.
"Really? You did that?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong sa akin ni Ellouise.
We became friends- which I didn't expect but I am happy. I have no friends other than Nash even he's already my boyfriend- he's also my friend.
She's in my room and we are sitting in my bed and also told her everything happened that night.
"I mean. . ." Mahina itong natawa. "You only did it once. It's okay to be rejected. Maybe he was tired of work." She advised.
I nodded. I also did think of that. "No more of that." Huminga ako ng malalim. "Starbucks kaya tayo?" Aya ko sa kaniya. Bigla lang pumasok sa isipan ko.
Umawang ang kaniyang labi. Hanggang sa napangiti ito at napatango.
"Of course, I am going to ride with you. I have no car." Sabi ko sa kaniya at bahagya pang natawa.
Wala naman problema ro'n. Hindi naman ako kagaya nila na mayaman. Basta kung sa gas, ako na ang gastos basta wala akong ginagawang masama.
Her eyes widened. "I am not thinking something wrong! It's just that you're my very first friend who treat me so well? A friend that can share her problems with me-" i cut her off.
"Okay, we have to go. Time's running." I pointed my clock at the wall.
She immediately nodded before standing up. Sumakay kami sa ford na sasakyan niya. Si Nash ay nag tratrabaho pa habang si Errol naman ay nag tratrabaho rin.
"I forgot to ask," tumingin ako kay Ellouise habang nagmamaneho siya. Agad naman tumaas ang kaniyang kilay.
"What is it?" She asked and smiled. She often smiles now, huh?
"What is Errol's work?" I asked. I pressed my lips. "Did he still pursue's engineer?" I added.
Ang alam ko kasi ay 'yon ang pangarap na tutuparin ni Errol. Since, pareho kaming may problema noon bago kami nag hiwalay. I know he's still studying in the same school but hindi ko alam kung sa sumunod na taon ay natupad niya pa rin 'yon dahil lumipat siya.
"Yes, he did. He's an engineer now. And I am proud of him. I hope I can achieve mine." Sinabayan pa niya 'yon ng tawa.
Napayuko ako at napatango. Like I am not proud of him am I? Of course I am proud of him as a friend. I don't care about the past.
"You will. You sure will." I said and smiled without looking at her.
Until we arrived. She even insisted on treating me again. Buti na lang na pilit ko na ako naman this time. She always treat me. I mean it's good but it's not good if she always does and I do not do the same.
We talked and laughed. We enjoyed it. Hanggang sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay nakita kong pumasok sa loob si Jillian.
I was speechless. My heart is beating faster. I wanted to hug her but it didn't feel same as before. Is she back for real? Oh, how much I've missed her!
"Jillian. . ." I uttered. Napalunok ako at muling umupo sa aking upuan.
"Jillian? Who's Jillian?" Narinig ko naman tanong ni Ellouise kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya. Sobrang nagtataka ito at tumingin pa sa paligid kung sino ang ibig kong sabihin.
"I am Jillian." Nanlaki ang aking dalawang mata at napatingin sa aking gilid. It's Jillian! Hindi naman ako nanaginip 'di ba? I pinched myself in the cheek.
Tumawa si Jillian. "Tinanong ko kung sa'n ka pumunta no'ng nakabalik ako dito. Sabi ni Tita Elysa, nandito ka, kaya naman. . ." Tumayo na ako at niyakap siya ng mahigpit.
Narinig kong muli ang kaniyang tawa. "I missed you, Dinah. And I'm sorry if I left without saying goodbye." Kinalas ko ang yakap namin at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi niya. Natawa ito. "I am real!" She exclaimed.
"I am sorry too, Jillian. I will never ever offending you again!" Pangako ko sa kaniya at muli siyang niyakap. Niyakap niya rin ako pabalik.
"Pakilala mo naman ako sa bago mong kaibigan." She whispered. Nabigla naman ako at kinalas ang yakap.
Tumingin ako kay Ellouise. She's just smiling while looking at us. Napalunok ako bago ngumiti.
"Ellouise, this is Jillian, my childhood friend!" Excited na pakilala ko kay Jillian. "Jillian," tumingin naman ako sa kaniya. "This is Ellouise, my new friend. Jowa ni Errol." Nanlaki ang dalawa niyang mata.
"What did I missed!?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya. Nag hanap siya ng upuan since pang dalawa lang ang inupuan namin.
In the end, lumipat kami para sa pang apat kahit na tatlo lang kami. She ordered her own drink before sitting and asking me and Ellouise.
"So? Mag kaibigan kayo nitong syota ni Errol? Wow." She amazingly said and laughed before sipping into her drink.
"It's a long story Jillian. When Errol and I saw each other again. As I said to you back then, sana natatandaan mo pa-"
"Na liligawan ka niya. Yeah, I remembered that." Seryosong sabi ni Jillian at hinintay ang susunod na sasabihin ko.
"Kasama niya si Ellouise. Nagtaka ako pero akala ko rin liligawan niya ako pero hindi. He explained to me and I didn't accepted it at first. Wala naman akong magawa kaya malungkot ako pag uwi ko."
Huminga ako ng malalim at napainom sa machiato ko. Tumango si Jillian. I looked at Ellouise. She's just serious as Jillian.
"Ilang weeks ang lumipas, pumunta sa amin si Ellouise. Hindi ko in-expect na mag sosorry siya sa akin kahit wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan. I accepted her apology and moved forward. And I am an architect." Making the story short.
"She skip some of it. Ako na lang mag kwe'kwento. Can I?" Tanong ni Ellouise sa akin at kay Jillian. Tumango naman si Jillian.
"I would love to." She politely replied to Ellouise and smiled.
"After years we saw each other again and became friends. And at that time, she's with Nash. I don't know if I can say this?" Patanong na sabi niya at tumingin sa akin.
"Yeah, love story niyo ba 'to ni. . . Nash?" Kinikilig na tanong ni Jillian. Sumandal siya sa upuan niya. "Okay, it's my first time to see you again and I am glad to hear all of your stories! Lalo na't mukhang kayo na ng lalaking gusto kong makatuluyan mo dati!?" She squealed.
"Well I realized that I liked him after a months after we parted ways. Ilang months pa lang akong architect no'n at nawala siya. Hinanap ko siya. Hanggang sa nakauwi ako sa probinsya nila. Mabuti na lang at napatawad niya ako kaagad."
Nag replay tuloy sa utak ko kung gaano ako kasaya no'ng araw na 'yon. I can't help but smiled.
"Nangiti, oh." Pang-aasar sa akin ni Jillian.
I rolled my eyes. "I courted him same as he did to me. I said yes in boracay. I must say it was the worse way to say yes that time."
"Paano mo naman na sabi? There's no worse way to say yes to someone you love!" Kontra naman sa akin ni Jillian habang si Ellouise ay sumasangayon sa sinabi ni Jillian.
"Okay. But. . . That's all." I changed my mind on saying that day we already 'did' it.
"That's. All?" Nag dududang tanong sa akin ni Jillian like it always the same.
Nagtaka tuloy ako na para bang hindi man lang bago sa kaniya. Na iniwan niya ako ng walang paalam tapos biglang babalik na para bang hindi niya ako iniwan! I can't believed it!
I just realized it now. Mukhang napansin niya rin ang pag iisip ko kaya napatikom siya ng bibig. Napainom siya sa kaniyang inumin.
"I. . . I have something to do." Ellouise excused herself.
She immediately stood up and left the two of us. Magkatabi kami ni Jillian kaya naman medyo awkward.
"I believe you wanted to ask me something?" Jillian asked.
She knew it. And I am glad she knew that I have a lot of question in mind.
"Why are you acting like this? Like. . . You didn't left me." I finally asked.
Hindi ako nakahinga ng maluwang. Kung tutuusin ay bumigat ang damdamin ko at biglang natakot sa kaniyang isasagot.
"I know you know why I've left before. But I am sorry because I didn't even say sorry. I only saw your messages to me this month that's why I visited. Hoping I can apologized." She explained.
Napasimangot ako. I believed it. But I am not okay with just that. I need more of her explanation of course. I wanted to hear her stories too!
"So, I am sorry Dinah. Sorry if I left you without saying goodbye. Without saying anything at all. I forced my mother to not say anything at all. My parents got divorced and my relationship with John got worsened. Everything just fell apart including our relationship."
She sighed.
"I felt so sensitive when you said that. I also felt so sorry about everything. I regret that I've said some bad things to you. That I left you without knowing that you have problem too."
Kinagat ko ang aking pang ibabang labi. Huminga ako ng malalim at pinagsiklop ang aking kamay.
"I focused on studying. And also I confirmed that I don't like you. I am just confuse when I knew John liked me. Akala ko gusto ko ng babae pero we work things out. Hindi ko gusto ng babae. Humahanga lang talaga ako sa 'yo that time. I didn't like any girls other than you that's what I thought that time but it's just that I am not attracted to girls. I am just confuse with my feelings." Mahabang paliwanag niya sa akin at ngumiti.
"Are you happy?" I asked.
She nodded. "Very. So happy. I already have a daughter with John. We got married at the age of 23. Makaila is just months old. You can visit us if you want to."
I have no time to react! I was speechless to know that she has a daughter now! Ang swerte naman pala niya dahil pwede na niyang gawin ang gusto niya. Masaya na siya sa buhay niya! Habang ako. . . Busy pa rin sa pamilya.
"Akala ko ba kayo na ni Nash? Hindi pa ba kayo kasal?" Nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin. Napasinghap ako at umiling. "Recently pa lang ang relationship niyo?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.
"Yeah." Nahihiyang sagot ko at nahihiyang tumawa.
"You're indeed good at taking relationship seriously. I already know that Nash liked you before. Kahit kayo pa ni Errol no'n. Pansin ko na mahal ka na niya." Umawang ang aking labi.
Even I knew that he love me already back then. I still wanted to know on how he looks at me.
"When he's looking at you," napaisip ito na para bang nag e'enjoy siya sa kwento niya. "It's full of love and jealousy. But I can say to you that he's also hurting. Ako nga ang nalulungkot para sakaniya kaya kinausap ko siya."
I didn't expect that from her. That she'll talk to Nash! Kapag sa ibang babae kase ay seryoso si Nash. Paano kaya ang pakikitungo ni Nash kay Jillian noon?
"You did?" Paniniguro kong tanong. Nanlaki ang mata niya at tinanguan ako.
"At first he ignored me but I didn't care! I just wanted to know if what am I looking is real. That he like you or he loves you!" Napapikit ito na para bang disappointed siyang hindi ko alam 'yon. "He's obvious, Dinah. I don't know if you're just dense or you just loved Errol so much."
"Maybe I am just dense, Jillian. I already admit that before. And I will not make excuse of me liking Nash. I am proud that I loved him." Napangiti naman ito at proud nang tumingin sa akin.
"Atleast you're not disappointed as before since you two are together now. Why don't the two of you get married? And have a child?" Nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin. "This is the right age for you to get married."
Napaisip tuloy ako. She's right even though I am having wide eyes right now. I am surprised that she suggested that! Alam kong na sa tamang edad na ako. Pero kahit siya naman ay alam kong gusto na rin.
Parang ako na lang talaga ang hindi handa. Nash isn't complaining. He don't complained or shared his thought about us having a child.
So I have no idea if he wants to marry me or not.
"He's sure planning it. But I guess since you two are new. . . It's not the right time. You'll get there." Payo sa akin ni Jillian at tinapik ang aking balikat.
"Where do you live now? Babalik na ba kayo dito?" Pag iiba ko ng usapan para naman hindi na ulit awkward kagaya ng kaninang iniwang kami ni Ellouise. "Si Tita? Bumalik na ba siya?"
She pressed her lips and smiled. "She's not staying here. She's busy with my daughter Makaila. While John is also taking care of Makaila." Tumango ako.
"Anong trabaho niya? Hindi mo naman na kwento sa akin ang kurso niya dati. Basta ang alam ko, mag kaibigan kayo." Sabi ko dahil 'yon ang naalala ko.
Seryosong naman tumango si Jillian. "Engineer and chef siya. May sarili siyang restaurant sa Tarlac. Do'n kami tumira no'ng umalis kami dito." Kwento ni Jillian.
"Kamusta naman ang buhay do'n? Masaya naman?" Sinapok ko ang sarili ko. "Of course. Tanong pa ba 'yon? Kaya nga 'di ka bumalik dito kasi masaya do'n, 'di ba?" I asked her.
Nagalit pa ako sa sarili ko dahil lang sa obvious na sagot sa tanong ko.
"It was. But of course, they are times that I think on going back. Nag aral ako ng mabuti, eh. Nag tratrabaho ako as call center before. Kaso ngayong mother na ako, tumigil muna ako. May ipon din kasi ako, eh."
Hindi ko maiwasan mainggit sakaniya. Nag sisimula na siya sa pamilya niya, I can't help but compare mine to her. Sobrang swerte niya lang.
"Nasa'n pala si Nash? Nag tratrabaho?" Pag iibang muli ng usapan ni Jillian. I nodded. Humanga ito. "Anong trabaho niya?"
I sighed. "Engineer din?" Hindi siya makapaniwalang tumingin sa akin.
"Totoo?" I nodded again. "Grabe, sana all."
"Anong sana all? Engineer din ang asawa mo 'di ba?" Tanong ko sa kaniya. She nodded. "So sideline niya 'yung pagluluto niya?" She nodded again.
"Pero iba din kasi ang jowa mo bebs! Gwapo si Nash. Nasa kaniya na lahat tapos naging sa 'yo pa. O 'di ba sana all? Pero mahal ko rin naman asawa ko." Mahabang sabi niya. "Sadyang pogi si Nash." Natawa ako sa kaniya.
"Kahit sino naman na gwa'gwapuhan kay Nash." Sa totoo lang na sinabi ko. Walang halong pagmamayabang. "Maganda naman relationship namin. Pwedeng ipagmayabang." Pag mamayabang ko na ngayon.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Maganda din naman sa amin. Mas magandang ipagmayabang. O 'di ba, sana all." She even laughed. Napailing iling ako habang nakangiti.
"Nasa'n pala jowa mo?" Tanong ko sa kaniya at sumandal sa upuan. "Ay, asawa mo pala." Paglilinaw ko dahil baka galit siya. Asawa niya tapos sabi ko jowa. Offending.
"Ayon iniingatan si Maikala. Sunday ngayon so wala siyang trabaho- oo nga pala. Paano nag trabaho jowa mo kung sunday ngayon?" Nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin.
Do'n lang din akong nasampal ng katotohanan. Paano pa lang nag tratrabaho si Nash e', usually kumakain kami sa labas since 'yun lang free time namin.
"Hala, joke lang." Nahihiyang bawi ni Jillian sa akin. "Baka mag overthink ka, Dinah." Nahihiyang dagdag niya.
"Call ko lang." I excused myself before standing up.
Lumabas ako at kinuha ang cell phone ko sa bag ko. I dialed Nash's number. After one ring, he answered it.
"Dinah,"
"Nasa'n ka? May trabaho ka pa ba?" Tanong ko sa kaniya. Seryoso ako ngayon so feeling ko ramdam na niya.
"Wala na. Pauwi na ako bakit?" Tanong niya pabalik. "May problema ba?"
"Meron. Ba't may trabaho ka ngayon?" Walang patumpik-tumpik na tanong kong muli.
"Ah. . . Dinah. . ." Nalungkot ako roon. Hindi ko alam na ganiyan si Nash. Never siyang nag sinungaling sa akin kaya labis na nalulungkot ako. "Usap na lang tayo pag uwi ko, ah? Please?" He asked.
"Fine." Nag dadabog na sagot ko at binabaan siya.
Muli akong pumasok sa loob at umupo sa tabi ni Jillian. Nahihiya pa rin siya dahil siguro ramdam na siya ang cause ng away namin.
"Hindi mo kasalanan, okay? It's just that Nash and I aren't okay this past few days." Pag amin ko sa kaniya at tumayo sa upuan ko. Naramdaman kong nag vibrate ang phone ko kaya tinignan ko muna ito.
Nash:
Nasa'n ka? Sunduan na kita.
Huminga ako ng malalim at tumingin kay Jillian. "Kailangan ko ng umalis, Jillian. Susunduin pa ako ni Nash, eh. Ikaw?" Tanong ko.
Napaisip si Jillian. "Chat ko na lang din si John. Mauna ka na sige." Nag aalala pa akong tumingin sa kaniya.
"Sure ka?" Tanong ko. She immediately nodded. I sighed. "Sige, una na ako, ah?" Tanong ko pa at tumango lang ito.
Nash:
Nasa starbuck ka ba?
Muling tanong ni Nash. I said yes and waited a bit. Mabalis lang itong nakarating. Bumaba pa siya sa sasakyan para pag buksan ako ng pintuan pero agad akong pumasok kaya muli siyang umikot para pumasok.
"Dinah. . ."
"Just be straight to the point, Nash. Ayaw mo na ba sa akin kasi nahawakan mo na ako?" Deretsang tanong ko sa kaniya.
"What!?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Nash at napahilot sa sentido habang nag mamaneho. "It's not what you think it is, Dinah." Kalmadong sagot na niya ngayon.
"Then why did you lie to me? You're not like that, Nash. Even before we are friends!" Kinagat ko ang aking pang ibabang labi. "You even rejected me that night. Why are you doing this to me!? Ano ganti mo 'to sa akin!?" Hindi ko mapigilan na umiyak.
"No. . ." Agad naman niyang suyo. Tinabi niya ang kotse niya at hinarap ako. "I'll explain to you, okay? Nasa bahay si Mama ngayon. She'll say it to you so you don't have to worry." Pag susuyo niya sa akin.
Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko at pinunasan ang luhang bumababa sa pisngi ko.
"He came back. He did it again, Dinah. I am dirty that's why I don't want to touch you. I am dirty." Nagtaka ako sa kaniyang sinabi pero na sagot lang ang tanong ko no'ng nakauwi na kami.