Pov y/n
The first week was hard, especially since I got used to seeing Scarlett every day. It felt a little weird to be all alone in my apartment and it was so quiet.
At Scar's there was always at least the smallest bit of sound, even if it was just the clicking of her laptop or the silent rustle of the blanket or the sound of her turning a page in her book.
But here in my apartment, it's silent, if the noises from outside aren't counted.
I don't have a problem with silence, it's just unusual.
My closet is also unusually full again because I brought back everything I had at Scarlett's, which was more than I had in mind but it made me smile how some of my shirts just went over into her closet.
After Rose's dad picked her up last week, I stood there for a few more minutes and let it sink in that Scarlett really is gone now. That sounds like she's dead, no she's 'only' across the country but either way she isn't here.
When I felt tears in my eyes, I quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes before going upstairs and grabbing my clothes. It felt strange to be in here, in our bedroom when she isn't here with me. I couldn't help myself and took one of her hoodies as well and it made me smile that it still smells like her, even though it is washed.
The rest of the weekend, I spent calmly, running some errands and finally getting all settled in my apartment, so now everything is where it belongs and my cupboards are filled.
After a few hours, I got a message from Scarlett, telling me she arrived safely. We texted a little more until she had to go.
On Sunday, I went to the pool to swim and distract myself. Maybe I got a little too soaked up in our bubble, so my goal for the next few days or weeks is to find a routine for myself.
Monday and Tuesday were pretty much the same. I went to work and after that I cooked dinner and went outside to take a walk or stroll through the streets.
Wednesday was a little different because we got the information from our boss, that we will have scheduled diving and swimming lessons, to prepare us for diving trips and ensuring we are safe. I was pretty excited about that and I only got a little bumped out by the fact that the training will be inside a pool and not the ocean but I will be diving either way.
The organization will pay for the lessons. It's been a while since I dove with a bottle, if you don't count the short trips in the aquarium because that was not very challenging, at least for me.
So, I am looking forward to the diving lessons. The swimming lessons are to train us, so we won't be exhausted once we dived down and don't have enough energy left to come back up. It fits pretty well because I wanted to go swimming more regularly and now I don't even have to pay for it. The lessons will vary a little in time but we try to have them on Fridays.
On Thursday, I went out with Brooke after work, just strolling around a bit and grabbing a tea while talking a bit. She is really nice and we get along great.
Scarlett and I have been texting a little during the week but she already told me, that the first week is always the busiest because there are a lot of meetings and dinners she has to attend to, so we weren't really able to call, which is a little sad but totally understandable.
On Friday, I could sleep in a little and still had time before I needed to go to work because it started later since we had our first diving training later that day and got the time off in the morning. I used that time to take the subway to Brooklyn and visit the coffeeshop and Jesse. He was super happy to see me and made me my favorite coffee that I had many times before while working there.
He told me about the new coworker when it was a little emptier and they seem to work pretty well together. When I asked him about his relationship, he excitedly told me that his boyfriend moved in and for a while talked about how it is so different but in a good way. After that he asked about me and Scarlett and assured me that we will find our routine and will have calls soon.
Since I had work as well, I then had to leave the shop and headed to work. It was good, as usual and the diving training later on was quite a lot of fun. Brooke, Brandon and I giggled a bit at Jordan when he came waddling out of the dressing room.
Apparently, he never wore fins and it looked hilarious. He laughed with us and admitted that until now he always got out of the diving jobs because he doesn't have a lot of experience in diving, well close to none to be exact. Our boss knew about it and we are guessing if that might be one reason why we have those lessons now.
But Jordan did a good job anyways and I am already looking forward to the next lesson.
On Saturday, Scar and I were able to chat a little bit more because she had to drive somewhere and since she has a driver, she was free to text. It made me smile widely and I realized how much I missed her.
I chuckled in surprise when she sent me a picture of her and Lizzie in the backseat of a car and when I asked about it, she said they had a similar way to work today. It sounded a little suspicious but I also know she isn't allowed to spill any details, so I let it be.
She assured me that she will be freer next week and we should definitely be able to call. It made me really happy to hear that because I miss her voice and even though she sometimes sent me goodnight voice messages, I am still craving her voice. It may sound crazy because she's only away for a week now but I never knew you could crave to hear someone's voice this much or at all.
But we still did our best and sometimes I sent her voice messages over the day that she loved to listen to. It always made me happy, to see her goodnight texts before going to bed and sometimes to read her good morning messages when I got up. She didn't send them in the morning, since she is three hours behind but she sent them while I was asleep, just so I would have something to wake up to.
I also received a message from her, saying that Rose wanted to do something with me on Sunday.
Apparently, she misses me, which is adorable and I had to admit, I missed that little sunshine more than just a bit. It was quite some work to plan the day because Scar was texting with Rose's dad and me, communicating between the both of us.
I mean, I'm not exactly thrilled at the thought of texting with Rose's dad but it would make it easier. But Scar managed to settle everything and we decided that Rose and I will go to the zoo on Sunday, her dad dropping her off at my place because from there he will drive somewhere else.
I am excited to spend the day with Rose. Scarlett and I also shortly discussed the matter of money, in case of paying for the zoo. She asked if I was okay if she paid for it, booking the money onto my bank account then.
I wasn't sure about it and we settled on that she'll pay for Rose's entry and I will pay for my own. Even from the distance she still respects my boundaries and it gave me butterflies because she could have easily sent me the money for both tickets, but she didn't.
We said goodbye and I wished her a good day with Lizzie and where ever they are going.
My alarm goes off the next day and I turn it off, seeing a text message from Scarlett when I take my phone into my hand, wishing me an amazing day with Rose and a lot of fun. And also reminding me of wearing a hat because it's cold. I chuckle a bit at the text and roll my eyes before thanking her and promising to wear a hat to prevent any colds. Even when she's far away and it's not that cold for her, she remembers this kind of things. Because it happened often enough that I forgot to put a hat on and she grabbed one and stuffing it into her bag so I could put it own later on.
With a smile on my face and in a good mood, I swing my legs out of the bed and get up, getting ready for the day at the zoo with the little nugget.
"Mama!" I hear her voice before I can see her and spin around to watch Rose jumping out of a car and running towards me.
She launches herself at me and I catch her, spinning her around and making her giggle. God, I missed this sound over the last week.
I stop spinning and she wraps her legs around me, so I place one arm underneath her butt to keep her up.
"I missed you." She tells me and I smile at her, kissing her nose.
"I missed you too, little dolphin." I say and she smiles and gives me a kiss, my heart already melting.
She leans her head against me shoulder as I turn around to the car.
Her father stands there, leaning against it and watching our interaction.
He doesn't seem thrilled about it and by the look in his eyes I can tell that he doesn't like me but that's okay, I don't like him either.
My reasons are more relatable probably but whatever, I don't care about what he thinks as long as he treats Rose rights and doesn't forbid me to see her.
Because he could do that. I realized that this morning. He doesn't even need a reason, he could simply forbid Rose to see me and there is nothing I can really do about it, except maybe contact Scar, so I am just happy the grudge against me doesn't seem to be too strong.
Rose looks back at her dad as well. He smiles at her but it doesn't fully reach his eyes. In his hand I see Rose's backpack.
"There's everything she needs in here, water, juice and some snacks." He tells me when he notices me looking at it before handing me the backpack that I sling over my free shoulder.
"Thank you." I say, giving him a little smile. Even though I don't like him, I don't need to make it obvious for Rose, she's a child after all and shouldn't suffer from us not getting along.
He nods and smiles at Rose again.
"I will come pick you up tonight at six?" He offers and we both are surprised when Rose's bottom lip pushes out into a small pout and she looks at me.
"But I want to spend more time with Mama." She protests and I look from her to her dad. He presses his lips together a little.
"But you have school tomorrow and we don't have your supplies with us." He points out and I can tell he tries his best to put on a kind smile when looking at his daughter.
Rose only pouts more at his words and looks to me. I can tell that her thoughts are spinning and she tries to think of a different solution but she doesn't come up with one, so she sighs a little but nods.
"Okay but I want to stay over another time." She argues and it warms my heart to hear her say that. Her dad breathes out and looks at me before looking back at Rose.
"We can talk about that later, okay?" He tries to avoid making a decision right now. Rose purses her lips a little and nods.
"Good. Have fun at the zoo today." He says, putting on a fake smile again but Rose doesn't seem to notice.
"Thank you, Dad." She says politely and waves, clearly telling him to go. I almost have to hold back a chuckle at that and just smile at her dad.
He nods and looks at me, pointing down at his watch before turning around and getting in the car. I roll my eyes at that. This starts to feel like a visiting hour in prison.
The car drives away and Rose turns her attention back to me, a happy grin on her face.
"Zoo?" She asks and I bounce her a little in my arms, making her giggle.
"Zoo." I confirm.
Rose wants to carry her own backpack, so I am able to carry one myself. I have water and snacks in there as well and I know, you can buy those things at the zoo as well but they are really expensive and I don't need to spend unnecessarily much money on things we also have at home.
We take the subway and it is fuller than I thought and I am a little worried to lose Rose.
But she isn't a fan of crowds either, so she always stays close to me and holds my hand.
When we don't find a free seat in the second subway, she presses herself against me, looking up at all those other people. She holds tightly onto my jeans and it aches my heart a little to see her this way.
So, I pick her up and she hugs me, wrapping her arms and legs around me. I hold her up with one arm while holding onto a pole in the subway to not trip.
Even after getting out, she clings to me but her arms and legs are more relaxed now than before. I move her from my front to my side, taking the backpack over the other shoulder so she is more comfortable.
The way to the zoo is still a little bit but Rose doesn't seem like she wants to let go, so I carry her. I have to admit though, that it gets a little heavy after some time, especially with carrying my backpack on the other shoulder but I try to ignore that, wanting to give her the comfort she seems to need right now.
When we reach the zoo, we have to get in line to buy tickets. Rose wiggles a little, so I set her down.
"Thank you for carrying me." She says sweetly and smiles up at me, taking my hand. I ruffle her hair a bit that's open and just now realize she isn't wearing a hat.
"Of course, sweetie." I reply. "Do you have a hat in your backpack?"
She shrugs and lets me open it. I look through it but don't find one, internally rolling my eyes at her dad. It's literally freezing and she doesn't have a hat. I pull my backpack from my shoulder and get mine out.
"But that's too big for me." She giggles when I put it on her head and it goes slightly over her eyes. I chuckle and adjust it, so she can see.
"It's just for now, I'm sure they have hats in the souvenir shop." I tell her and her eyes light up in excitement.
"Oh yes." She cheers and I smile softly before getting up again and slinging my backpack over my shoulder again. I guess it's a good thing Scarlett told me to bring my hat. Even though she probably had the intention of me wearing it but I will later, for now Rose is more important.
"You know, sometimes Dad doesn't think about everything like Mommy does." Rose tells me and takes my hand again to pull me a little forward in the queue. I look at her and tilt my head a little in question, unsure what she means.
"He forgets things easier, like the hat. And this morning, when we got ready, he also would have forgotten my gloves if I didn't reminded him of them. But luckily I did because other wise my hands would have been cold." She tells me and waves her free hand around. I nod.
"He also sometimes forgets what juice I like in the morning. It is not as bad as having cold hands but I just prefer drinking orange juice in the morning and not apple." She continues to talk and I listen to her, nodding and humming along to show her I'm listening. Since she doesn't seem to be finished yet, I let her talk before saying something myself.
"And his girlfriend isn't as good in reading stories, you know? She just reads them and sounds so bored. Mommy or you always act them out more, make them more real but she doesn't seem to like my stories. She doesn't have to, she's dumb anyways." Rose shrugs and as much as I want to agree with her, I don't because I have to be a parent in this moment.
"I know, you don't really like her, sweetie, but it's not nice to call someone dumb." I explain in a soft voice. Rose looks up at me.
"I thought you also didn't like her?" She asks, a little confused but not accusingly. I think about my answer before talking.
"That is true, I don't like her but it's still not okay to call someone dumb." I say and Rose scrunches up her nose.
"Okay but what else can I say?" Rose asks and I think about it.
"Well, insulting someone is never right. It is totally okay though, to dislike someone, okay?" I make sure.
I don't want her to think she has to like everyone or that her feelings are invalid, I just want her to understand that she shouldn't say mean things about people.
Rose nods and nibbles on her lip in thought. I let her process as we move a little further.
"So, I could say she's not someone I like?" She asks and I nod.
"Yes, that you can say. You are allowed to feel that way towards other people as long as you still treat them respectfully." I agree and Rose nods again.
"You could also say, she's to your disliking." I suggest and Rose starts to giggle.
"That sounds like I'm in the age of knights and princesses." She giggles and I chuckle along.
"It does sound a little strange." I agree and Rose nods, smiling up at me.
"But okay, I won't say she is dumb anymore." She says and I lean down to give her a kiss on the forehead.
"Very good, thank you." I reply and she beams at me after the kiss.
A little bit of pride rises inside my chest. I've never really had to teach Rose anything in a parental way before now and honestly, I think it went pretty successfully.
We finally get to the front of the line and I buy our tickets. Rose skips ahead a little before stopping and waiting for me in front of the souvenir shop. Her eyes shine with excitement and it is pretty cute.
I open the door for her and she thanks me and walks inside. While she looks at everything, I search the shop to find the hats. I call out for Rose, who comes to my side and I lead her to the hats.
She looks at them, furrowing her eyebrows at each one, thinking about which one to choose. All of them are the same prize and pretty cute, so I leave the decision to her.
"I want this one." She decides and points to a brown hat that looks like the face of a bear and has little bear ears on top.
"Alright, this one it is." I say and take the hat to buy it. But Rose takes my hand and pulls me into another aisle.
"Look." She says with a grin and points at a set of animal figures.
"They are very cute." I say and she nods, before looking up at me and making puppy dog eyes. My heart melts and wants to give in but I still manage to stay strong and shake my head.
"I won't buy those, sweetie. You already have a bunch of toys. Besides, they are more expensive here than in other stores." I try to reason.
Rose sighs but accepts my answer and I am surprised she doesn't try to convince me otherwise.
I pay for the hat and we go outside again, where I switch hats with Rose. She looks adorable in the bear one, especially with those little ears on top. I put mine on my own head now and we start to walk to the first exhibit. Rose is super excited and runs ahead. I walk a little faster to keep up. She looks at the elephants and stands on her tippytoes to have a better look.
"Aww, look, they have a baby." She says and points to a smaller one. It looks adorable and the way it walks just is the cutest. I read a sign that informs about this new elephant.
"It's a boy and only two weeks old." I tell Rose and she looks at me before looking back at the elephant.
"He is very cute and see how his ears flap around?" She asks, adoring the little elephant.
"He is." I agree. "He also doesn't have a name yet, it says here."
Rose almost looks offended.
"How can they not have a name for him yet? Poor baby, he doesn't know what to respond to then."
I chuckle a little and nod.
"What would you call him?" I ask and Rose hums in thought.
"Maybe Dallas?" She suggests and looks at me. I nod in agreement. Dallas is very cute.
We watch him for a little while longer until Rose gets bored and move on. She pretty much stops at every exhibit but I don't mind, it's cute how she watches the animals and points out different things she notices.
Sometimes she asks me questions about them and most of the time I can answer them due to the signs close by.
When we walk towards the bear exhibit, she starts to bounce a little in excitement.
"Look, there are the bears! Just like my hat!" She tells me and runs to the glass that shows a bit of the inside of the cave.
I follow her quickly. Rose almost presses her face against the glass, watching one bear entering the cave.
She puts her finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet when the bear lays down. I nod and smile softly at her adorableness. She takes my hand and leads me away to give the bear some 'privacy'.
We stop a few meters further to watch the bears outside the cave. Rose beams at the animals and I can't help it but to pull out my phone and take a picture of it, sending it to Scar.
The bears become boring a little after and we continue our way. Rose gasps when she sees a picture wall.
There are multiple animals in different heights with a hole where their head would be, so people can stick their head in there and take a picture. Rose runs around a bit, trying to decide whether to be a penguin or a meerkat. She decides on the penguin and I take a few pictures. In some she smiles and in others she pulls goofy faces.
"Now you." She says while running back to me.
"You want to take my picture behind the wall?" I question and Rose nods. I nod and hand her my phone, explaining how she can take a picture before going behind the wall and standing behind the lion. Rose takes a few pictures and giggles when I stick my tongue out at her.
Most of them are blurry but one is actually quite good and I give Rose a cheek kiss in thanks.
At the next exhibit, we start a little game and come up with names for the animals inside, which is pretty funny because after a while, we can only come up with funny names.
Rose points to a tiger.
"That one is called Scarlett." She tells me and I look at her in surprise.
"You're naming it after your mom?" I ask and she nods, not taking her eyes of the animal.
"Yes, it fits her, don't you think? Tigers are more elegant animals and so calm but they can also be fast and wild. Mommy is calm most of the time too but when someone is mean, she can put them into their place as well. Besides, the tiger looks so soft and cuddly and cuddling with Mommy is also always great." Rose explains and I nod.
"You're right, your mom is a tiger." I agree and Rose grins happily.
"What kind of animal would I be?" I ask while we stroll further through the zoo. Rose looks at me shortly, thinking about her answer.
"Well, you like to be underwater, so definitely an animal there. Maybe... a dolphin because they are fast underwater and smart and so are you. They are very pretty as well." Rose thinks out loud and my heart turns into a puddle at how adorable her description is.
"Thank you, sweetie, really, that is so sweet." I say and hug her. She squeals a little in surprise but returns the hug happily.
"What animal would I be?" She asks after our hug in return and takes my hand to lead me to the rhinos.
"Hmm, maybe a wolf. Because wolfs are smart and intuitive. They like to stay with their family and are also very playful and full of energy." I say and by Rose's growing smile I can tell she is more than happy with my answer.
"Wolfs are cool and cute." She adds and I laugh a little, squeezing her hand.
"That fits then, doesn't it?" I ask and she beams at me and nods.
After a little snack break, we reach the petting zoo and Rose's eyes grow big when she sees the goats.
"Look, Mama!" She says and pulls me closer, marveling at the goats. I read the signs.
"If you are careful, you are allowed to pet them." I tell her and she bounces in excitement before calming down and pulling off her glove, stretching her hand out to pet the goat standing right behind the fence. She is very careful and grins widely.
"It's so soft." She whispers in awe and lets go of my hand. I reach down as well and pet the goat, it is indeed soft.
But I pull my hand away again, to take a picture of Rose and the goat. She doesn't seem to get tired of petting the goat and the goat also seems to enjoy it. When she moves her hand to the head of the goat, it moves its head and licks Rose's hand.
"That tickles." Rose giggles but doesn't pull her hand away. The goat licks it a few more times before trotting away. Rose continues to giggle and shows me her licked hand.
"Maybe it thought you had food in your hand." I say, smiling at the happy girl. She nods and wipes her hand dry on her jeans. I let her because lets be honest, children do that all the time, as well as adults, so it's no big deal.
The petting zoo is the last part of the zoo, so after that we head towards the exit. Rose swings our hands between us.
"Thank you for the day, I had a lot of fun." She suddenly says and I look down at her, giving her a soft smile.
"Of course, little dolphin. I had a lot of fun too, I loved spending time with you." I say and she beams at my words.
"I really missed you the last week." She tells me and a hint of sadness laces her voice. My heart aches a little at her words.
"I missed you a lot too." I tell her and she smiles a bit.
"It's not bad at Dad's but it is more fun to be with you." She tells me and sighs. I squeeze her hand a little.
"We can still have fun together." I assure her and she looks up at me again.
"You know how my Mommy and Dad had the weekend rule?" She asks me and I am a little confused for a second before I remember that Scar told me that Rose visits her dad every other weekend. I nod.
"Why isn't it still valid?" She asks and I hum.
"Well, your mom is in LA, that's a little too far for you to travel on a weekend." I explain but Rose shakes her head.
"With you. You are also my Mom, why isn't there the rule then? Why can't I be with you every second weekend?" She asks and we stop at a redlight.
I look down at her, her eyes showing genuine curiosity.
I am not sure how to answer that, I mean yeah, I am a mother to her but other than Scar and her dad, I am not legally bound to Rose and therefore can't expect to see her regularly if her dad doesn't allow it. But how do you explain that to a child?
"I don't know. Maybe we can ask your dad if he would be okay with that rule?" I offer the only answer I have. Rose's eyes light up and she skips a little next to me.
"I will ask him later today." She decides and I smile a little.
So far that seems to be everything on her mind and she just starts telling me about her week at school while we head to the subway.
I listen to her but my mind is also occupied with her question and the thought what her father will say to this. I guess we just have to wait and figure out.
A/n: What do you think he will say or do?
Also, another update bc it's the 1st of November and I prefer updating und uneven days XD
Thanks for reading and love to you all <3