Jaemin
I let out a shaky sigh as soon as we're out of the cafe, my legs ready to give out on me. I hadn't even noticed they were shaking this whole time till now. Frankly, I feel a bit pathetic over getting this nervous but it's valid, right?
"It's normal to be nervous. I mean, you just did two love confessions at once so the nerves are twice as many, right? I think that's how it works..." Mark says, the last part with a confused expression and his voice barely above a whisper.
I laugh, looking at him before hugging him. "Thank you. For holding my hand through it all," I tell him in his ear, only for him to hear.
"It's alright," he chuckles softly, separating the hug and taking my hand before leading me to the sidewalk and to the direction of my house. "Honestly, I was nervous too. Like, really, really nervous," he confesses, rubbing his nape with his other hand and letting out an awkward laugh.
"But at least we're over that part now, right?" I ask optimistically. "We just... have to wait for their answer," I nod firmly.
Through my peripheral vision, I see Mark-Hyung nod but his eyes were distant. I wonder what he's thinking. I knew that he didn't regret it; because it wouldn't be like him. He said yes to trying and he wasn't going to back out after doing it so I wonder what he's thinking. What could be filling that mind of his?
"What are you thinking?" I question, subtly moving closer to him as we continue to walk.
He glances at me, a tense expression on his face. "I think... I think that I have liked Donghyuck for some time," he says quietly as if it was a big secret.
I wanted to inquire about his statement but from the looks of it, he didn't want to clarify what he meant by it so I simply look ahead and we don't speak another word until we arrived at my house. I lead us to the bench on the porch and sit down. I lean my head on his shoulder with only a little bit of hesitation and intertwine our hands, giving them a slight squeeze for reassurance.
"When I was little," he starts abruptly, cutting through the silence, "I was bullied a lot. People used to make fun of my accent when I had just gotten back from Canada and when I was in Canada, people said things to me for being Asian. They would mock me by saying gibberish and used to take my things away. During middle school, I got beaten up by kids too."
He sighs. "I didn't have many friends growing up. So, when Donghyuck suddenly wanted to be my friend after a couple of tutoring sessions, I was ecstatic. Even now, I often keep to myself but with him... it felt real. It felt like I had a friend." He pauses. "I, um, I think that along the way I grew feelings for him but I was too scared to admit them, too scared that I'd lose him so I masked them, I never admitted it to myself. You opening up is what made my eyes open," he tells him. His eyes were focused on the tree in my front neighbor's yard and he had a reminiscing expression.
I add pressure to our hands and turn his head to look at me, placing my other hand on his cheek. I smile slightly. "Are you sure? You're not just saying this to make me feel okay about all of this?" I ask him hesitantly. I don't doubt that he grew feelings for Donghyuck, I mean look at me, I know how likable that boy can be. However, I feared that he just wanted to make me believe that. He knows how I feel about all this; I feel like I'm making him do something he doesn't want to... so, maybe he just wanted to make me feel less guilty.
He shakes his head, returning the grin. "No, I'm sure now. I like Donghyuck." He chuckles softly. "And it feels damn amazing to say it." He looked so happy and filled with joy, and it only widened my smile. "I, um, I have a good feeling that this will work out," he nods at me. I open my mouth, about to respond but he speaks first. "About Jeno... it'll be hard. But we'll make it work." He looks at me with soft eyes, saying nothing but a lot simultaneously. "I'm sure there's more than an asshole underneath him, right?" He questions nervously.
Is it bad to say that I'm glad he is nervous? Because personally, I'm shitting myself too at just thinking of all the possibilities. How should I word this...
It feels like I have someone now.
I'm living my teenage dream and I have someone to live through it, someone to relate to, but most importantly someone to experience this with. I'm still learning about this subject. But the thing is; I now have three other people right beside me learning. At least I hope so. Mark said he has a good feeling about this and that only makes my confidence skyrocket. Where ever he goes, I want to go and if he says everything will work out, then I'm confident it will.
"You really want to do this?" I ask him one more time.
"I'm ready to try this with you right next to me," he responds with a cute smile.
My eyes well up at his response. I was ready for this. I was ready to be happy, I was ready to experience everything I've wanted to for the past two years, but most importantly, I was ready to do it next to them three because, with these three guys, everything just felt right.