Bondita had joined the new year of her school and it had been a week since he had gone. A week of missing him. But she knew exactly what she should do so he would be happy when he comes back.
Study...
With her whole heart. Last year was tough on her. She wanted to make up. But she still could not keep her mind still. The last night she spent with him fresh. She felt her cheeks burning at just the mere thought of it. His telegram had arrived a few days ago telling he reached there safely. And that there was no phone at where he was staying so would call as and when possible. And she had been waiting and waiting.
" Malkin !" It was Koyeli. Did she come to call her to kitchen for dinner ? She looked out. It was dark. She was late !
" Yes !" Bondita got down from her bed after closing her books. " Coming Koyeli." She reached her door to meet the panting woman.
" Fast ! Chhote Malik has called in that tel...tel..."
" Telephone ?!"
" Yes !"
Bondita sprinted out, rushed down stairs and her Kaka Sasurji's booming voice met her ears as she reached the phone in drawing room. " Beta ! You are eating properly or not ?" Bhari Babu stood smiling there.
Bondita stopped her feet a few feets away, standing near a pillar holding her pallu. The little Bondita would have ran up there and snatched away the phone. But today...she felt too shy to ask for the telephone. His last touch, his soft words had made her feel different and somehow were making her too weak to place this simple request. Breathing heavily she waited as she twisted the end of her pallu between her fingers.
" Aniruddh..." Her Kaka Sasurji said in a teasing voice making her frown her brow. " I will come back in few minutes. Don't cut the call." He kept the reciver on the table and cleared his throat. " Bihari. Come with me for a minute." And both the men left. Bondita smiled at this caring gesture of her Kaka Sasurji and ran to pick up the reciver.
Aniruddh heard a sound and then the silence from the other side was filled with whispers of breaths. " Bondita...?"
She shut her eyes tight at the sound of his voice. It felt she could faint from the happiness. " Ji..." She managed to say.
" How are you ?"
" Good. You ? Are you taking care of yourself ?"
" I am."
" Good."
" Good."
For a few seconds they both were silent. So much to say but no words to convey.
" How is your case Pati Babu ?" There was no answer for a few seconds. " Pati Babu...?"
" Do you...miss me Bondita ?"
She was caught off guard. Will she be able to explain it to him in just few words ? She looked around. No one. " Yes..." She answered in a mere whisper.
" Me too..."
" Come back soon Pati Babu." She didn't know why she was feeling like crying.
" That... might be a little difficult."
" What ? Why ?"
" The case is taking longer than I expected. But I am trying to be back soon. I promise."
" No. Don't rush any thing. Do...do what you have to. Take your time. But please...be careful. Please..."
" Did I tell you I am missing you ?" He cut her off. She didn't mind. A shy smile forming on her lips.
" Ji..."
" I want to be back to you. Soon. I don't like it here without you. I...am having trouble sleeping."
" Oh..." She said a little worried. " Why ?"
" I don't know. Stress. Work. I am having way too much headache since last fifteen days and..."
" Fifteen days ? You...you were here. You didn't tell me !"
" I wasn't much bothered." Aniruddh said tapping his pen to the side of the table.
" How can you say that ?"
" What ? You were with me so it didn't bother me much."
She didn't know to feel happy or be angry at him. " Go to a doctor." She scolded.
" I don't need a doctor. I need a good sleep."
" So do one thing. Drink hot milk before bed."
" Really ?" He asked sarcastically, smiling at his cute wife. " And ?"
" And don't drink tea in the evening. And...and..."
" How about I come back and you give me a head massage ?"
" Pati Babu ! Don't joke."
" I am not ! I just need to...come back. I will be fine when you...you..." Aniruddh didn't know if he should say it. Say he missed her in these lonely nights. Being in haveli he atleast knew she was a few rooms away. But here... He had started to feel an urge to sleep beside her. Holding her. Maybe that is what he needed.
" Pati Babu...go to a doctor."
" Ok. Ok." He sighed. His thoughts dying on his lips.
Som had heard his Dada called and came to talk to him only to see Bondita holding the telephone.
" Bondita..." Aniruddh closed his eyes. " When I come back..."
" Boudi." Som called softly. Bondita looked up startled.
" Can I kiss you ?" Aniruddh finished and regretted immediately.
Bondita felt as if her brain had stopped working. Even in imagination she had not thought of him saying anything like that. Ever. And Som Dada standing right there, she just prayed her emotions were not reflecting on her cheeks.
" Bondita...?" Aniruddh held his breath. Just a cheek kiss like she gave him. That was what he would start with. But...she won't like it ?
" Hmmm..." She replied.
" Are you ok ?"
" Hmmm..."
Aniruddh heart some shuffling from the other side. " Is there someone else there Bondita."
" Ji."
" Oh... Ok. Don't... don't worry about anything I said. Ok ?" He shook his head with disappointment he felt in his self.
" Here. Som Dada wants to talk to you."
That night sleep didn't come easy to Bondita.
One more week passed.
" Don't worry Bondita." Binoy said to her on a Sunday morning as she served him tea in the drawing room.
At this point Bondita didn't have to think about what he was referring to. Every one knew she was waiting his arrival. And that was worried about his health and headaches.
" I am going to Calcutta today." Every one looked up surprised.
" Today ? Binoy you didn't tell me !" Trilochan exclaimed.
" There has opened a very good business opportunity and I got the telegram just yesterday. I have to go. And I will stay with Aniruddh." He said looking at Bondita. " And tell him how his wife is worried about him." He said with a smile and Bondita covered her face with her pallu leaving the room silently. But content. She hurriedly prepared food for her Sasurji with help of her Didi and packed something for her Pati Babu too. She knew he would love it.
After Binoy left in such hurry, Bondita decided to go to the mandir. It was not still noon and the wheather was good. It was going well. No one in the mandir except for the Panditji, she peacefully prayed with Koyeli beside her. It was when she got up and turned, her day was ruined.
Aarti.
" Namshkar." Aarti said. Some how she could not bring herself to call Bondita Chhoti Malkin today. It indicated she was married to the man, that man.
Bondita just nodded, that too because she was in a mandir and wanted no negativity on this day. She had prayed for the safe journey of her Sasurji and didn't want to ruin it by bad mouthing infront of Krishna ji. She was about to walk past her.
" Won't you even stay for one time. For the woman who saved your husband's life ?" Aarti had not wanted to use this but after that whole drama infront of the villagers, Aniruddh Babu's accusing gaze and ignorance towards her cries in front of the haveli the next morning made her go loose. She didn't want to mind anymore about what came out of her mouth. She saw Bondita going into the temple and decided it was her chance to finally have a face to face. What could Bondita, a young girl not barely adult, do ? She didn't even have her Pati Babu to hide behind.
Bondita was not expecting this to be thrown at her. She eyed Aarti trying to hold it in, after all what she said was true. " Namshkar." She managed to say.
" No eye contact ? You don't even want to look at me ?" Aarti said half a smile. She knew she had some affect on Bondita.
" Is there something you want to say ?" Bondita held her pallu elegantly and Aarti could not help but notice how naturally she looked like a Zamindar Bahu. Her royal blue silk saree with deep pink lining and raw shine of gold jewellery were giving her the look of authority in this stone made mandir. The wind blew through large gates on the three walls waving her pallu and hair. Aarti knew about herself, that she was beautiful. Was Bondita more than her ? Was it the expensive outfit or the confidence she wore that made Aarti think of her as her competition ? Was it the sindoor or was it the fact that she had her grown up husband wrapped around her little finger that made her an object of envy ?
" I had. So much. But you didn't listen. I kept calling you but you didn't hear me. Even he didn't..." Aarti added the last part in a whisper but it didn't escape Bondita.
" What do you want ?" Bondita asked trying to get to the point sooner.
There was a silence for a few moments. Aarti's eyes had looked lost as Bondita asked the question but then they looked at her in determination. " For him to be happy."
Of all the response there could be, this was not what Bondita had imagined. " What did you just say ?"
" Koyeli. Can you go see where the driver parked the motor car ?"
Aarti barely waited for Koyeli to move away. " Look at you Zamindar Bahu. Roaming around with a servant in a motor car. All because you married good unlike some other unfortunate girls."
" Maybe you didn't do your digging good enough. My mayaka is as well to do like my sasural. I still would have had these had I been there. But I admit, I am lucky to have been blessed so. What I don't understand is your problem with that ?"
" My problem is how selfish you are."
" And I could not be bothered about what you think of me. I just want to know what you mean by you want him to be happy." Bondita said seething with anger within.
" See ? Selfish." Aarti could not believe this girl was mature enough to understand a man and his happiness. " You are so wrapped up in your life, your dreams that you don't see what he needs. "
" I don't understand how it is your place to be worrying about it. I know you love him but it still is not your place."
Aarti was taken aback. " He...told you ?"
" He is my husband. It is on your fault to think there could be a secret between us."
" Well...then. It makes what you did all the more wrong."
" Wrong ? What exactly ?"
" How you degraded me infront of everyone. For being a widow."
" I did no such thing. Infact I was trying to help you get out of it."
" Really ? And was it really a help !?!?"
" What do you mean ?"
" People still see me as some lowly woman. Give me dirty looks and..."
" Then maybe you should not have spread the story." Bondita said through her teeth.
" I didn't ! That is what I wanted to tell you the next morning. I didn't ! I ...just told a friend and...she...she..."
" How do I trust you ?" Bondita took a step forward. " You were in love with him. You knew what would happen if you tell someone. You somewhere wanted that."
" And what was so wrong with it ?" Aarti finally decided to not beat around the bush about the real reason behind her anger.
Bondita could not believe she actually asked that. The meaning of what she implied was what had kept her up at night for years. A second wife. " How... dare you ?"
" Dare ? For a woman like me, I need to dare. Tell me you selfish Zamindar Bahu, what was so wrong about him marrying me ? What was so wrong about him holding my hand, saving me ?!"
" You need to stop talking, right now !!!"
" Why ? It is alright for him to save you ?"
" He was not married back then !"
" He had a betrothed. It was a promise for life he had to break because of you. Give up on his love because of you. And it is ok for you. But when someone else needs it, needs him, you draw all kinds of lines."
Bondita knew all of this. And she had talked about it with her Pati Babu. They had a perfect understanding about it. It just hurt to see how unrealistic expectations people had formed of him just because he helped her. " A marriage is a marriage. He today is a married man... and you..."
" You call this a marriage ? He doesn't even touch you."
Bondita was holding the pooja thali in her hands which slipped because of such audacious words. " How dare you ??!" She was sure her eyes were red due to anger. Her fingers clenched in a fist.
" Does it hurt ?" Aarti mocked. " It should. You think this is marriage ? You don't know what a marriage really is. You are just a child for him. He is trying to make you his wife, treat you like an adult..." She said thinking of them eating kulfi in the market. " But you are not. You can't be. And this is not what a husband needs. This is not love. "
" Oh. So you wanted him to marry you to fill the void of love in his life and not to full fill your fantasies of being his wife ?" Aarti blinked at the clear accusation. " Are you saying you wanted to marry him to give him what he needs and not to get what you want. Or should I say... what your body wants ?" Bondita never wanted to say such vulgar things. Not when it referred to her Pati Babu, her Bhagwan. But it needed to be said today because it was the truth.
" You don't know enough to be talking about physical needs."
" I know enough about how it feels to be held by your husband who loves you. Do you know how that feels ?"
Another jab that hit Aarti right where it hurt. She knew everything about love but never had felt it. " You call that love ? It is just sympathy. His soft and giving nature. Something you don't want to share. Would it have killed you had he held my hand ? Saved me from the poison the people look at me with ? I could have... You just talk of giving a better life to women but when it really came to it..."
" I didn't stop him. He didn't want to marry you." Bondita didn't say anything about how polygamy was wrong. This thick in the head woman won't get it so she decided to talk to her in a language she would understand.
" He would have had you asked him to." Aarti replied. " He...does everything you say. Had you...but no. You tried so hard to stop it."
" You think...you think this is what he should do ?!! Marry every girl in need and bring her home ? Are you mad ?!!?"
" Just one more would not have hurt."
Bondita wanted to argue logically but the woman standing in front of her was not sound. She remembered what her Pari Babu said. About how grief and pain could make people week. Aarti was week. " And that is not selfish of you ?"
" No. Because I would have given to him in return what he actually needs. A mature married life. A wife he can talk to about anything. Someone he is not ashamed to be married to." Aarti knew Aniruddh Babu thought highly of his marriage but she also knew he was just compromising. " Someone he has no problem treating as a wife."
" I am his wife..."
" He has just made peace with it. He is married to you and he has no choice. Being a man of honour he won't go to anyone else and he knows he can't always stay away from a woman he has tied himself down to. He has just settled for you. Just like a man in prison. He doesn't like the tasteless food but how long can he go hungry ? Aniruddh Babu is just a prisoner and you are all that he is making himself accept forcefully. I hope you understand he is just compromising because he has no one else. And you knew the moment he married me he would get everything you would never be able to give him. Atleast not until you are mature enough. I mean... even your body... Leave it. And I would have given him every kind of support he needed. You would have lost control over him. Not another one, I would have been his real wife."
" I AM HIS REAL WIFE !!!" It was too much for Bondita. She had tears in her eyes and the impact of such words had her body shaking. She had not stopped her wanting to know what she really thought about her Pati Babu but this. This was not what she thought. Bondita really felt naive to think Aarti won't go so low. " It is me he is married to. It is me he has allowed to call him Pati Babu. It is me he looks for when he comes back home. It is me he takes every blow for. He cries for me. He laughs for me. When away, he misses me. When near, he holds me. I am the first and the last person he wants to see everyday. I am the one he brings gajra for and I am the one he puts sindoor on." Bondita was breathing heavily. Details of her personal life was something she would have never shared but today she wasn't acting like herself." And all this when he has not even said he loves me. Imagine what would happen the day he actually makes me his wife." Bondita looked straight in her eyes. " As you just said, compromise or not, it would happen." Bondita felt more confident as she saw Aarti's moist eyes and quivered lips." Whatever the conditions, he is married to me. A man of honour, he would never turn his back on me. Selfish or not, I am the only one he has. I am his real wife. Only wife. I am. And till I live even in his remotest memories there can be no one else !!! No one else."
" All he needs is a real chance. A real woman. A real love. A real motivation to open his eyes to what he has tied himself to."
" All he needs...is right here. It is all he would ever need. I don't call him my Bhagwan just like that. Just like goppi tied down Krishna ji with love and devotion, I have tied down my Pati Babu and Bhagwan never abandons his true devotee."
" You can never make him happy." Aarti had no come backs. No answers. She understood by now that she was just venting out her frustration. Understood that what Bondita said was true. She was his wife. Under what ever conditions. And all Aarti could do was try to hurt her that too only in his absence and even that didn't work out. She had come thinking Bondita was just a girl, won't be able to talk back but was wrong. She was right. Women had come and gone in Aniruddh Babu's life. Only Bondita stayed. Because she was his wife. Real wife. And most probably his only wife.
" Unlike you, atleast I have a chance..." They were not very harsh, the words but we're the ones that hurt and impacted Aarti the most. She didn't even have a chance.
No chance to a happy life anymore.
Her last chance was that night. Had he held her hand... But...now...
She had no change...
None...
Aarti saw as Bondita walked out and got into the fancy motor car of her Pati Babu.
Weak people waited for a chance, strong ones made their own.
A tight slap resonated in Das haveli as Thakuma struck Tapur right before she was about to sit for her lunch. The reason made her eyes pop out. A paper in Thakuma's hand. A familiar one. His letter.
" What is this ??!!!" Thakuma yelled at her. Rimjhim had found a suspicious paper in Tapur's almirah and Thakuma got it read by the man who worked for her. It turned out to be a catastrophic affair.
" Tha... Thakuma..." Another slap hit her. " I...do... don't know..."
" You don't know. YOU DON'T KNOW ?!" Thakuma held one her braids and pulled hard. " Who gave this to you ?"
Tapur felt blood rushing out of her brain. All thoughts leaving her except one. She could not tell. Never. Som Dada...no... Somnath Babu meant no harm. She knew that. And he would be punished. And he was Bondita Didi's dever. Her sasural would get involved. Her relations would suffer. She would be questioned in her sasural. The relations between Roy Chowdhury and Dad family was very tricky. This would ruin everything. She could never take his name. " I... I don't know...wh...what it is." Another slap made her fall to the ground. She tasted blood on her lips.
" Take her to her room and lock her there."
" Thakuma...she is bleeding." Sumati could not see such brutality. What if it was Bondita ?
" Sumati..."
" I will take her. Let me just make a plate for her." Rimjhim said regretting taking the letter to Thakuma. She should have gone to Sumati.
" No food for her till she spills out the truth." Thakuma said as Tapur stayed on the floor with her hand on her swollen lips. " You don't want more cuts on your body, you better be quick to rat him out."
Bondita stood infront of her mirror with a tear stricken face. She didn't want Aarti's words to affect her. They held no meaning. But then why was she crying ?
Compromise...
She pulled her bangles out.
Your body...
She threw the glass bangles on the dressing table. Wiping the tears away she took a good look at herself. Aarti was not wrong. Bondita tried to compair herself with women of her Pati Babu's age. Bondita had started maturing but she had to admit, she was still not quite there. Aarti had such dark eyes. Her brows, like other women of her age, were arched perfectly. Her waist was curvy and bosoms were much... Bondita felt shame on even thinking about it but she could not help. She was still lacking there. Did he...mind her not being that physically beautiful yet ? It didn't feel like it when he held her.
Was he just compromising, accepting her only because they were married.
No.
She won't dwell on it.
Not till he is back.
She remembered how he asked her if she would have let him near him had they not been married and her answer was no. It would be the same for him too. Right.
In all that, taught her that the most important fact was that they were married.
They were.
Happily married.
And nothing would change that.
Only if he was here to tell her that once more.
******
I wrote a really long chapter and don't know how so much got deleted while uploading.
So just tried to wrap it up here since it is already uploaded and would cover it up in the next chapter.