Fix me

Chapter 38

I edge closer, glaring through the glass doors, scouring the gaggle of photographers, passing over one face then the other.

I jump when my phone rings and pull it from my pocket, my hands still shaking. I stop a passing nurse. 'Can I use this in here?'

'Yes love, you can use it in reception.'

'Thanks.' I answer the call and raise the phone to my ear.

'Hi, Kate.'

'Hey Kimberley, how're you? You busy?'

'Actually I... I'm in the hospital.'

'What? Is everything alright?'

'Well... you'll probably hear about it soon anyway, Cheryl's been in an accident.'

'Oh my goodness, is she alright?!'

'I don't know.' I admit, my voice breaking slightly.

'Are you alone?'

'Err... her brothers here but he's being seen to...'

'D'you want me to come? I pass it on the way home anyway. You shouldn't be by yourself.'

'N-no, it's alright... I should be with her. It's ok. But thank you.'

'If you need anything you know where I am.'

'That's really nice, thanks.'

'It's fine, and don't worry about work, just give me a call when she's all better and we'll arrange to meet.'

I hang up and turn around, slowly making my way back to Cheryl's room, turning my phone off on the way.

I should be with her. This is stupid. My hands are still shaking with fury, but I try and put it to the back of my mind. Cheryl would be heartbroken if she saw how angry I was, what I was just thinking about doing.

I raise my head and realise I've come the wrong way; I've got no idea where I am. Cheryl never came down this way. I turn around to go back and freeze.

I see him. He's there, in his biker jacket. His big camera is gone, but as he turns into the toilets I see the little disposable camera in his hand, the thing that has his attention, that prevents him from looking up and seeing me.

I can't help it. I follow him.

Silently I step into the men's toilets. He's walking slowly, winding the camera. He starts to turn when he hears the door close, and that's when I lunge.

I drive my fist into his stomach, then slam my other elbow into his head, sending him straight to the floor. Stepping over him, I grab the neck of his jacket and drag him into one of the cubicles, closing the door and standing over him. He looks like a little weed, to be honest. Not the kind of guy you'd expect to drive a motorbike. More the kind of guy you'd expect to see in museums with a big rucksack or something.

'Wh-what do you want, what--'

'Are you happy?' I whisper threateningly. 'Is this what you wanted you twisted little freak, do you ride around putting people in hospital all for the sake of a f*cking picture?'

'I- I d-didn't mean to.' He stammers. He has tears in his eyes. 'I never meant to hurt anyone, I s-swear, I just--'

'Don't you dare try and justify what you've done.' I say loudly. 'I hope you know, you sick, twisted individual, if she dies...' I crouch lower and curl my hand around his throat. He's openly crying now. 'If anything happens to her, you can run from here, but I will hunt you to the ends of the earth and make you pay, do you understand?'

'I don't... I d-didn't-Please--'

'You could've killed the one person who-you know what, you're not worth it.'

I grab the camera, lying on the floor next to him, and drop it into the toilet, then let go of him and stand up, backing away. 'Did you get your picture?'

'What?'

'Did you get your picture? That was what you wanted wasn't it? Did you get it?'

He doesn't answer, just staring at me, terrified.

'Get a real job, you pathetic little man.'

**

'Kimberley? What are you doing down here?'

I've just come out of the toilets and started walking back the way I came, possibly even angrier than I was before. I jump when I hear my name and see the nurse from before, Rachel.

'I was - I got a bit lost...'

'You're not far, honey. She's this way.'

'Is she awake?'

'No, not just yet. Give her time, she's had a huge shock, and she lost a lot of blood. I just thought you might want to sit with her.'

She takes me to Cheryl, but when I see her I want to run away. I stop several feet away, my heart hammering. She looks very pale, and I don't know if I'm imagining it but her lips look slightly blue.

'It's alright.' The nurse smiles. 'I know it looks scary--'

'What happened to her arm?' I gasp, noticing for the first time that Cheryl's left arm is in a sling across her chest.

'The force of the impact dislocated her shoulder. It's been mended now, don't worry.'

'What are all the machines for?'

'It's just keeping an eye on her heart rate and her pulse was really low when she came in so it's watching that too.'

I slowly move closer, eventually standing beside her and taking her hand. 'She's cold.'

The nurse doesn't answer that. 'There's a chair just there... I'll let you be alone with her for a bit.'

'The people outside... they can't get in can they?'

'No, don't worry there's police outside, and there's one outside the room. The only one other than you who can come in here is her brother.'

'Is he alright?'

'He's fine, just getting patched up.'

She leaves then, and I turn back to Cheryl. 'Listen you,' I say firmly, sitting down and squeezing her hand, 'I'm gonna need you to wake up now... I'm gonna lose control here babe, I need you.'

Cheryl doesn't respond.

'Please Cheryl wake up.'

'Kimberley?'

I turn around and Gary comes in. I cringe at the sight of him. 'You look absolutely awful.'

'Thanks... how is she?'

'She's alright... she just needs to wake up.'

'I phoned me mam.'

'And?'

'She's ok, I told her not to panic, but she still wants to come here. She'll probably come tomorrow. I just wanted her to hear it from me, not a newspaper.'

I nod in agreement. 'What happened, Gary?'

'I'm not really sure... there were two following us, one in a car and the other on a bike... I didn't even notice the one on the bike had disappeared; I was concentrating on trying to lose them. Then he came out of nowhere on me left, really really close. I would've hit him, I just... swung out of the way. I should've just braked--'

'It's not your fault.'

'Kimba...'

I swing back around to Cheryl as she moans my name, her hand tightening in mine. Her eyes open slowly and she grimaces in pain. 'Kimberley.'

'I'm here Chez.'

'Gary...'

Gary walks around to her other side. 'I'm here too sis.'

'It's ok Cheryl you're in hospital.'

'Keep talking to her, I'm gonna get a doctor.' Gary mutters, running from the room.

'Kimba...'

'What's wrong babe?'

'It hurts... me shoulder hurts.'

'I know babe, it got dislocated in the crash, but it's ok now.'

'The guy on the bike...' Cheryl moans drowsily. 'D'you know how he is?'

'Don't you worry about him, he's perfectly fine.' I say angrily. 'Forget about him Cheryl.'

'How... how d'you know?'

Before I can answer, Gary comes back in with the doctor. Cheryl gives me a strange look before the doctor gets her attention. 'How do you feel Cheryl?'

'Not good... I feel dizzy... me shoulder hurts.' Cheryl mutters. She looks back at me, and I notice she keeps blinking. 'What's wrong babe?'

'I keep seeing two of you.' Cheryl says with a little laugh, rubbing her eyes with her good hand.

I glance at the doctor, who looks confused. 'I'm just going to take your blood pressure Cheryl, here...'

Minutes later, he unstraps the device from Cheryl's arm and fixes his stethoscope on. 'What's wrong?' Cheryl sighs.

'Your blood pressure is quite low... I'm just checking--'

'What's wrong?!' I half shout.

'Kimba, let him do his job.' Cheryl says softly, taking my hand again.

'I'm just going to take this off for a minute.' The doctor says, slipping the sling off Cheryl's left arm. 'I know it's quite tender, but just stretch your arm out slowly for me and lift it up a little... that's right. Now... tell me if this hurts.'

Gary and I watch, bewildered, as he presses on the skin under Cheryl's arm and around the upper ribcage, until Cheryl gasps and her body jumps. 'That hurt.'

'Right... how about now?'

He keeps going, and only seconds later Cheryl sucks in her breath sharply and squeezes my hand tightly, turning her head away.

'Alright Cheryl, thank you. I'll be right back.'

He leaves before any of us can say anything. Cheryl has tears in her eyes. 'I'm not having that; he can't just walk out like that.' Gary says, following him quickly.

'Gary!' Cheryl calls, but he doesn't stop. Cheryl sighs heavily, and looks back to me. 'You're shaking.'

'I'm fine.'

'You've been shaking ever since you came in here... You've got to calm down babe.'

'I'm fine Cheryl.'

'Is he here?' she whispers. 'The guy from the crash?'

'What? I don't know...' I shrug, but I'm getting nervous. How the hell does she know?!

'I feel really dizzy.' She says, just as the doctor comes back in with another one, a man in a suit but with a stethoscope around his neck.

'Hello Cheryl, I'm Will, the clinical lead. Would you mind just lifting your arm for me, just like you did a moment ago... that's it.'

I watch, panicking, as he does the same thing the doctor did, a frown on his face that deepens when Cheryl writhes in pain. 'Did you take her blood pressure?'

'Yeah, it's through the floor.'

'Will one of you explain what's going on, please?'

Both doctors turn to me, then the clinical lead straightens up, clearing his throat. 'Cheryl, there's no need to worry or panic, but I think you might have a ruptured spleen. I'm going to arrange a scan immediately to confirm this, and if I'm right we'll need to prepare you for surgery right away.'

I place both my hands over Cheryl's, partly to stop them shaking, partly to reassure her.

When the doctors leave with the promise they will be back in minutes to take her for a scan, I pull the chair as close as I can get it and kiss her cheek. 'Hey, it's gonna be alright. Cheryl look at me.'

'You haven't done anything stupid have you?'

'What?'

'I can see it Kimba.' Cheryl whispers. 'It's in your eyes... how angry you are.'

'Do you blame me? If it wasn't for some lunatic wanting one measly photo none of this would be happening.' I can't stop the tears from falling. 'You'd be at home with me... you wouldn't be in any pain... I wouldn't have--'

'Wouldn't have what?'

'Nothing.'

'Kimberley what did you do?'

Cheryl studies my shaking hands, the tears quivering in my eyes, and raises her hand to my face. 'I need you to calm down Kimberley.'

'I'm trying.'

'No, look at me. I know this is scary... but I need you, you've got to promise me you'll keep it together.'

'I can't, I can't break another promise to you.'

Cheryl looks at me for a long time. 'You can tell me exactly what you mean... when we're back at home together okay? Until then, just please, don't do anything stupid.'

'I won't. I'll stay here with you. Please don't be scared, I won't leave you.'

**

I can't go into the room where the scan takes place with Cheryl, but other than that I stay by her side. Her spleen is torn and they have to perform emergency surgery before it bursts altogether. I sit by her side while they get everything ready, notice how quickly she is breathing. 'Chez. Stay calm babe. Just think of it as a quick sleep, and when you wake up everything will be ok and you can come home with me.'

'Kimberley, I'm not a child.' Cheryl giggles.

'I know, I just don't want you to be scared.'

'I'd ask you to sing us our song, but you don't know it yet.' She smiles.

'I can't wait. Nobody's ever done anything like that for me before.'

'Good!'

'Alright Cheryl, you ready?'

Cheryl grabs my hand as the doctor prepares to sedate her. She hates needles more than anything. Holding her hand, I watch him while Cheryl looks away, turning her head towards me, and as soon as he touches her with the needle I kiss her softly.

'I'll be here when you wake up.' I whisper.

'Don't go far.' Cheryl murmurs, her eyes already closing.

'I promise, I'm staying right here. I love you.'

I wait until she's completely out of it, then follow one of the nurses outside, letting them do their job. Instead of following her down the corridor, taking her advice about getting something to eat, I slide down the wall opposite the room and sit with my legs crossed. The nurse gives up and leaves.

My hands are still shaking. I'm already a bit cold and it's uncomfortable sitting like this, but I like it. I focus on it, anything so I won't have to think about that biker, all of the others still probably swarming outside the hospital, probably prepared to stay there for a week in the rain to get their picture.

'Kimberley?'

I look up and see Gary. He comes and sits on the floor beside me. 'You should go home, Gary. Back to the flat, get some sleep. You look awful.'

'I wouldn't feel right, knowing she's here.'

'But you could come back first thing in the morning. And I'm here, she won't be alone.'

Gary looks at me. 'You're really gonna sit here until she wakes up?'

'I promised her I wouldn't go far.'

'I'm sure she didn't mean for you so sit here like this though.' He laughs.

'I know, I just... I don't know. Really, you should go. She's being looked after, you should look after yourself. I will call you if there's anything you need to know straight away.'

Gary eventually gives in and calls a cab, telling it to go around the back of the hospital to pick him up. I walk out with him to wait, stand there shivering, and Gary shrugs off his jacket and chucks it at me. 'Here, put that on. I'll be in a nice warm flat soon, you might need it.'

'Really? Aah, thanks.'

I put it on and Gary laughs at how big it is on me, even though he is only small. 'Suits you.'

'Yeah, right.'

'I know this is gonna sound really daft Kim, but I was wrong about you.' He says uncomfortably, looking at the floor. 'Chez loves you to bits... and I don't know anyone else who'd have ran through London just to see she was ok.'

'I'm sure they would.' I laugh. 'But thanks... that means a lot, it'd mean a lot to Cheryl too.' I feel tears in my eyes, and will the cab to hurry up so I can go back to her. 'If I could be where she is now, I'd do it in a second.'

'I know you would.'

There's a short toot, and Gary's cab comes around the corner. He gives me a quick hug as it pulls up, and surprisingly it doesn't feel awkward. 'You'll ring us?'

'The second I know anything.' I promise, pulling away.

Just as Gary opens the cab door, I see five men with cameras, all running towards us. 'Oh for f*ck's sake!' I curse, my hands curling into fists. I push Gary into the cab and slam the door, but he winds the window down. 'What? What's up?'

They surround me, all of them, pushing me back so I'm pressed against the cab.

'What can you tell us about Cheryl? Why aren't you with Cheryl?' they keep shouting.

'Can you tell us of Cheryl's current condition?'

I fix my eyes on the one who asks that last question, and he stares back intently, looking desperate. He has a small camcorder in one hand. Ignoring it and keeping my eyes on his, I step forwards quickly. They all move back as one.

'No. You disgust me. It was people like you who are the reason she is even here, and you make me sick. You don't deserve to know a thing about how she is, if you've got a drop of humility about you, you'll clear off right now. Get out of my way.'

I purposely go around to the main entrance so they don't follow me inside through the back entrance, and the police there let me through before pushing them back. It takes everything I have to ignore them, and as soon as I'm past the police I start running, run all the way back to Cheryl and sit exactly where I was before, wrapping my arms around my knees like a cocoon.

It's about two in the morning when the doctor comes out of the room. I haven't slept, I've just been staring at the floor in a world of my own. I jump to my feet when he comes out, stumbling and nearly falling over due to the lack of feeling in my limbs.

'Is she ok?'