I'm curled up on the sofa, fresh out of a long hot bubble bath with Cheryl, watching her on TV from the previous night while she's knocking up some food in the kitchen.
'So we know you've had a phenomenal amount of support from the fans and the public in general since yesterday... what about the negative, what would you say to those who... perhaps haven't been very nice about you?'
'I haven't done anything wrong.' Cheryl said with a polite smile. 'It's not like I've done anything illegal, I haven't killed anyone. All I did was fall in love.'
There was a huge "aaaawwwhhh!" from the audience, and Cheryl giggled.
'So you're in love!' Alan cooed. Cheryl just continued to smile. 'Care to tell us a bit about her? Kimberley isn't it?'
'Yeah... err, I've learnt in the past, talking about your relationship isn't the smartest thing to do, so let's just say... I'm very, very happy.'
'What about the suggestions that this is a publicity stunt? Because up until now... well, everybody thought you were... straight!' Alan said with a slight cringe.
Cheryl straightened up, looking defiant. 'I could sit on shows like this until I'm blue in the face and say that is not the case, and some people still won't have it. So I'll say it once; that is not the case. It's very real. And it could happen to anyone. I never thought it would happen to me yet here I am, and I haven't been this happy in years.'
'So is she the One?' Alan said with a cheeky wink.
There was a pause, during which Cheryl tried and failed to hide a huge smile.
'Yes.'
**
'You fancy some Curry a Lá Tweedy?' Cheryl calls cheerily as she breezes through bearing two huge steaming bowls.
'What? Oh, thanks, it looks lovely.'
Cheryl watches me with a sad expression on her face; I was rereading the letter again.
'I don't think it's gonna help, you know... reading it over and over again.'
'I'm trying to understand him.'
'And is it working?'
'Not really.' I sigh. I want to change the subject so I say, 'I watched the show.'
'Aah, good, what did you think?'
'I think you were brilliant.' I say sincerely. 'So... I'm the One, am I?'
Cheryl goes bright red, and takes a huge mouthful of curry so she doesn't have to answer, and her eyes immediately start watering. 'It's alright.' I laugh. 'I don't mind you telling eight million people before you tell me.'
Cheryl swallows and wipes her eyes. 'You're too cute.' I laugh. 'For the record, it was a lovely thing to hear on TV. And I feel the same.'
'Really?'
'Of course. I know the rest of my life is a mess, but you... I just can't believe how lucky I am.'
We smile foolishly at each other for ages. 'Come on, eat that before it goes cold.'
We eat in silence, but I can feel Cheryl watching me the whole time. 'That was amazing.' I tell her when I'm finished. 'You done? I'll go and wash up.'
'No, leave that for a bit, come here to me.'
Cheryl snatches my plate, putting it on top of hers and pulls me onto her lap. 'How're you doing gorgeous?'
'Fine.'
'Pull the other one.' Cheryl snorts.
'Alright, I feel like sh!t. But I'm trying to focus on tomorrow and just put everything else to one side for a bit.'
'Fair enough... but you know, you don't have to hide how you feel with me. If you wanna have a cry, or just scream, feel free.' She snakes her arms across my waist and kisses my collarbone.
'I know... but I can't carry on like that. He's not my dad. Yeah it hurts like hell, but moping around won't change it, and that's why I'm going tomorrow.'
'I'm really proud of you.' Cheryl murmurs, grasping my hand. 'You've come such a long way since we first met. And I'm right here for you, yeah?'
'I know. Thank you.'
'Can I make a suggestion?'
'Let me guess, you think I should ring Adam.'
'You read my mind.' Cheryl smiles. 'He text me, you know.'
'When?!'
'About an hour ago. He apologised for bothering me, said he still had my number from when he was in LA... and just asked me if you were with me. He's desperate to know you're alright, babe.'
'Alright.' I sigh. 'I'll ring him now. On one condition.'
'Yeah?'
'I'll ring my brother if you ring yours.' I smirk. 'Invite him here for a few days. Just speak to him, anything. He will come around about this, I promise.'
'Okay.' Cheryl smiles. 'Get up then, you huge lump.'
'Cheeky!'
Cheryl picks her phone up. 'Here goes.' She sighs. 'Good luck with Adam.'
'Good luck with Gary.'
'I'll go in the bedroom, you stay here.' Cheryl says, disappearing out of the living room. I extract my phone from my jacket pocket and see a catalogue of missed calls. I just delete the call log and go to my messages, all of which are from Adam.
Hi, heard you're going to mums today. Great news! Hope everything goes well sis. X
Kimberley, mum just rang me and said you'd drove off in a state but she wouldn't say why. Please call me back so I know ur ok. X
Kim, just been to mums. She told me what the letter said. Please call me back we're so worried about you. X Adam
Kim, for once I hope ur just ignoring me. Please let me know ur ok, a text will do. Adam X
With a heavy sigh I select his number and call him.
It rings several times, and I am about to hang up when he answers. 'Kimberley please tell me this is you.' He says breathlessly.
'It's me.'
'Oh thank God... I've been going crazy here sis, you've got no idea what was going through my head...'
'I'm sorry... I'm ok... well sort of. I'm really sorry Adam I just... had a lot on my mind.'
We both fall silent, the truth hanging between us like a shield. 'Mum told me about the letter.' He says quietly. I can hear the emotion in his voice. 'It took me ages to get her to tell me what was going on.'
'So...you know.' I say.
'Yeah... I know.'
Again neither of us speak for a while.
'How are you coping?'
'How am I coping?' I repeat. What a ridiculous question. 'Oh I'm doing brilliantly Adam thanks for asking.'
'I'm sorry! I don't know what to say, Kimberley!'
'I know... neither do I.'
'D'you want me to come down there?'
'What?'
'I can come to London, spend a day or two with you. If you want... if you need me.'
'No, I... it's ok, I'm... I've got a lot on anyway now, I... I'm going to meet a designer at Burberry tomorrow.'
'Seriously? That's amazing! How did that happen?'
'Cheryl.' I say simply. I can't be bothered going into all the details.
'Well... that's great, Kimberley. Enjoy yourself.'
'Thanks.'
'Look, can I... can I tell mum I've spoken to you? Or are you gonna call her? She's worried sick Kim.'
'You tell her.' I sigh. 'I'm not ready to talk to her yet Adam.'
'Does that mean you will talk to her eventually?'
'Goodbye Adam.' I say deliberately.
'Bye sis.' He sighs, and hangs up. I lower the phone, feeling tears in my eyes again.
Seconds later I get a text, from him.
Your still my baby sister. Love you. X
I hear Cheryl come out of the bedroom and quickly text him back.
And ur still my big brother, luv you 2 Xx
'Well? Did you speak to him?' I ask her eagerly. Cheryl nods.
'He wants to come tomorrow... I said it'd be alright, is that ok?'
'Of course! That's great! So is he--'
'He was alright... it felt like I was talking to someone else. He's not great, but hopefully when he comes here and he sees for himself how happy I actually am...'
'It'll be alright.' I assure her, pulling her into a hug. 'He will come around. And I can't wait to stand here and tell him how much I love you.'
Cheryl pulls away, smiling. 'Adam... what did he say?'
'He's just relieved I spoke to him... we don't really know what to say to each other. You were right, mum told him about Dad. He just text me, look...'
I show her the text Adam sent as soon as we'd spoken on the phone and she grins. 'That's lovely. He's right... I know it's hard, but it shouldn't change anything. You're just getting close again, you shouldn't let anything spoil that.'
'I know, it's just awkward.'
'If you need him, he's more than welcome here, you know that.'
'Thanks. But I can't face either of them yet.' I go to sit back down, and Cheryl follows me. 'D'you want cheering up?'
'Yes please.'
'Day after tomorrow, I'm doing the video shoot. Which means you'll be able to hear your song.'
'Really?! That soon?'
'Aye, why not? It means I won't see you all day though.' She says, pulling a face.
'Why?'
'I keep forgetting you know nothing about music.' Cheryl giggles. 'Video's take all day to shoot, and when I say all day, I mean from like five in the morning till well after midnight.'
'Bloody hell, are you serious?!'
'It'll be worth it, I promise.' Cheryl laughs. 'Want some ice cream?'
'Oooh yeah, what've you got?'
'Ben and Jerry's, of course! Only the best, darling.'
**
I went out to meet the woman from Burberry at nine the next morning, and didn't get home until nearly eight at night. I took Cheryl's car, since she was doing a few hours at the studio and being taken there by her driver before picking her brother up from the station in the afternoon.
However, I'd completely forgotten about this as I dragged my feet, exhausted, through the door that night.
'Cheryl, you home gorgeous?' I called.
I froze, going through to the front room and seeing Gary sat there, his arms folded, scowling at me.
'Oh, hey Gary, how are you?'
'Hi Kim.'
Cheryl came out of the kitchen then, and her face broke into a huge smile when she saw me. 'Hey, you're back! I've been calling you...'
'Yeah, sorry I had to turn my phone off.' Glancing at Gary once more, I walked straight at Cheryl, put my hands on her waist and kissed her. 'Hi. Missed you today.'
'Aah, me too.'
I hear Gary sigh loudly, and notice a look of annoyance cross Cheryl's face. I frown, and she jerks her head in his direction, rolling her eyes. She looks surprised when I smile and grab her hand, pulling her to sit next to me, facing Gary. 'Everything ok Gary?'
'Yep.'
'You sure?'
'Yep.'
'Oh grow up Gary she's not stupid.' Cheryl snaps. I squeeze her hand harder.
'Can I say something Gary?'
'It's a free country.' He shrugs, looking me up and down with that same scowl on his face. I try not to let it get to me.
'Listen, I know you're having some trouble with... this...' I glance at Cheryl, but she's staring at her brother furiously, so I just continue. 'But I love Cheryl very much--'
'You can't know that, you're just a kid.'
'Gary!' Cheryl snaps. 'For God's sake, you promised you wouldn't--'
'It's ok, Cheryl.' I interrupt her. I let go of her hand so I don't crush it to death. 'Hey, I'd really love a coffee.' I smile at her.
'What, now?'
'Yes please.' I say deliberately, hoping Cheryl will take the hint. Slowly she stands up and backs out of the room, looking nervous. 'Gary, d'you want one?'
'No thanks Chez I'm good.'
As soon as Cheryl closes the kitchen door, I take a deep, calming breath and look back at Gary. 'I'm not a kid. I know how I feel.'
'This isn't gonna last. You're both just lonely and need someone, and in a few months it'll be over and I'll be picking up the pieces again.'
'That isn't going to happen.' I say firmly, trying to keep my voice even. 'I know you're struggling and you don't want to hear it, but look at me please.'
Gary reluctantly meets my eyes. 'I love her.' I tell him. 'I love her very, very much and I want to make her happy. I hope you can get your head around that, because I've got no intention of leaving her, and it means a lot to her that you accept it. You're one of the most important people in her life.'
Gary doesn't answer. He just keeps looking at me, like he's trying to judge if I really mean it or not.
'Look, you'd do anything for your sister wouldn't you?'
'Of course I would.' He says immediately.
'She doesn't want to lose you over this, Gary...'
'What?' he says, surprised. 'She's not gonna lose us--'
'She's devastated with how you've reacted. I'm not having a go, but you're the only brother she has left, she needs you. I'm asking you to try, for Cheryl.'
Gary has sat up straight, staring at me. 'She told you about Andrew?'
'Yes.'
Gary doesn't say anything for a long time. I'm hoping Cheryl doesn't come back in just yet, because I don't think this is finished.
'You probably think I'm a d*ckhead--'
'No I don't Gary. I think you're a brother.'
He smiles then, and I don't hesitate to return it. 'I'm not saying you have to love me or anything, you don't even have to be that nice to me. I know Cheryl's the most important person in your life, I just want you to know she's the most important person in mine too.'
'...I suppose you wouldn't've thrown yourself into the public eye like this if you weren't... sure about her.' He says with a smirk.
'Are you kidding? I'd have to be completely stupid to throw myself to those vultures without good reason.'
Gary chuckles. 'I love her.' I say quietly, but firmly.
'You're gonna have to. Only someone who loves her would suffer her embarrassingly huge Take That obsession!'
'Hey. There's nothing wrong with a bit of Take That!'
Cheryl comes out of the kitchen just as we share a laugh, and sits down looking delighted. 'What's so funny?'
'Nothing.' Gary and I say at the same time.
'Aye, why don't I believe you?'
'Shut up and give me that coffee, woman, I'm parched.'
**
I decide on an early night that night, and I'm already asleep when Cheryl comes into the room much later and wakes me up by pulling the covers off me, replacing them with her own body.
'Cheryl, wha - mmmmhhh.' She silences me by quickly placing her lips over mine.
'Shhh. Gary's on the sofa bed.'
'I'm tired.' I moan. 'Haven't you got to be up at about four or something?'
'Yes, I just want to talk to you, you haven't told me how today went or anything! Did you enjoy it?'
'I did... Kate wants me to go back tomorrow afternoon. She's the one you spoke to that night at the awards by the way, she said she never properly introduced herself.'
'Yeah I never caught her name... that's amazing!'
'Yeah, she's really interested in my ideas. You could tell as well, every time I started talking she was leaning forwards. Thought she was gonna kiss me at one point.'
'I'm glad she didn't.' Cheryl pouts.
'Aaaah, babe.' I giggle. 'C'mere. I missed you today.'
'Me too.'
'How did it go in the studio?'
'Not bad, definitely less lively without Rihanna, but not bad. I think an album's taking shape, slowly but surely.'
'Do I get a listen any time soon?'
'Of course, you're hearing the best song tomorrow!' Cheryl giggles nervously. 'I can't wait to do this video, I think it's gonna be the best one.'
'It better be.' I joke.
'Have you heard from Adam today?'
'Yeah, actually he rang while I was with Kate today... I didn't answer, didn't want to look rude, but he left me a text, just saying he'd told mum I was ok really.'
'Oh, good.'
I expect Cheryl to continue, as usual, perhaps urge me to contact her myself, but she doesn't. She finds my hand and slips her fingers through mine.
'Was it any easier today baby?' she says softly.
'Kind of... it helps having something to do, something else to think about, definitely.' I sigh. 'By the way... I haven't forgotten about speaking to someone, like we talked about yesterday... I just don't think it's a good idea with Gary here. But I haven't forgotten.'
'Good point... I'm glad. Thank you.' Cheryl whispers, lifting our hands and kissing my fingers. 'What were you and him talking about before, when you oh so discreetly got rid of me?'
'Like I said. I told him how much I love you. I think I made my point, I'm not leaving you and I'm not gonna hurt you.'
'Is that what he said?'
'Not in so many words, but he's your brother, if he wasn't acting like this I'd be a bit worried. It's sweet... in an intimidating, slightly annoying way. But like I said I made my point.'
'Thank you... it means a lot.'
'It's nothing. And I haven't forgotten that I've still not seen your mum since she found out. My work with the Tweedy's is not yet done.'
Cheryl laughs. 'I love you.'
'Love you more.'
'Nuh-uh.'
'Yuh uh.'
'Nuh-uh!'
'Go to sleep Cheryl, you're up in about five hours.'
'I suppose so.'
'Night beautiful.'
'Night ugly.'
'Oi, you cheeky cow!'
**
The next day, I didn't actually do anything like any work; Kate dragged me out for the longest lunch of my life, and we just talked fashion. I had had no idea how interested in it I was until just then.
'So yesterday, did you enjoy it with us?' Kate asked.
'Course, it was brilliant.'
'Good, because I'm offering you a permanent job.'
'Wh-what? Pardon?'
'You got a lot of people very excited with some of your ideas yesterday Kim. We'd love you to stick around.'
'B-but... I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know anything about... well, anything!'
'I know that. That's what I'm here for. I want to train you up, from scratch. Teach you everything you need to know. Are you interested?'
As soon as Kate and I went our separate ways outside the little restaurant, I tried calling Cheryl. It took me three attempts before I remembered she was on her video shoot, and probably didn't have her phone handy, so I just went home, genuinely happy.
When I get back to the flat, Gary isn't there; he's left a note saying he's gone to do some food shopping, since the supermarket's usually quieter in the evenings.
I've just got out of the shower when I hear my phone ringing; it's Cheryl calling me back.
'Hi babe!'
'Kimbaaaa, babe are you busy?'
'No, I'm back at home... what's wrong?'
'We can't finish the video today... the fookin warehouse we're in is partially flooded at one end.'
'Are you serious?' I can't help laughing.
'Kim, it's not funny!' Cheryl moans, but she laughs too. 'I'm not used to taking several days to do a video, we're gonna have to come back later in the week when it's been sorted.'
'Aah, that sucks, I know.'
'Is Gary there? Can you ask him to pick us up? I can't be arsed waiting around for these people, I just wanna come home and cuddle you...'
'He's not here babe, but I'll come and get you.'
'You can't, you're not allowed to drive.'
'Didn't stop me yesterday.'
'Oh my God! I forgot about that!'
'So I'll come now, where is it?'
'No, it doesn't matter, you're not driving without a license.'
'But--' I am about to argue when Gary comes in, laden with shopping bags. 'Aha! Never mind, Gary's back, shall I put him on?'
'Please babe.'
I take a few bags off Gary and hold out my phone. 'Cheryl needs a lift.' I smirk, and Gary rolls his eyes comically. 'Hello, resident bloody taxi driver of Cheryl frigging Tweedy speaking!'
Laughing, I take the bags through to the kitchen and start unpacking them. A minute later Gary pops his head in. 'I'm gonna go and get Lady of the Manor, shouldn't be too long.'
'No worries, I'll get this lot put away and start some dinner yeah?'
'Sounds good. See you later.'
**
I'd only just finished packing the shopping away when my phone rang again.
'Hello?'
'Guess what I learned to do?' Cheryl sang down the phone loudly. 'I learned how to do the handsfree thing in me car! All by meself!'
'Don't lie!' I heard Gary's voice. 'You didn't even know where to put the phone, you'd be lost without me.'
'Alright, fine I had a bit of help.' Cheryl huffs. 'How are you babe?' I'll be home soon.'
'I'm fine, I was just gonna stick some food on.'
'Oh for f*cks sake!' Cheryl shouts.
'Wow, sorry, I'll just order a pizza then!'
'Not that.' Cheryl laughs. 'There's paps following us... a car and a motorbike. God, would they ever f*ck off? Step on it Gaz.'
'Be careful.' I warn.
'Ah, it's fine we'll lose them at the next junction, we're nearly back now anyway.' Cheryl sighs. 'Anyway how was today for you?'
'Brilliant... got something to tell you when you get back.'
'Tell us now!'
'No, when you get home I will.'
'Why not now?' Cheryl moans like a child.
'Because! Just hold your horses.'
'Well is it good news?'
'Yes, definitely.'
'Aah, good, I c-Gary STOP!!' Cheryl screams suddenly.
I jump out of my skin as I hear a deafening screech come down the phone, followed by a resounding bang.
'Cheryl?! Cheryl what was that? Cheryl, are you there?! Answer me!!'
The line goes dead.