True to her word Sarah is sat there when I go in, fast asleep. With a smile, I go up to Kimberley and take her hand, noticing that it is cold. I'm back.' I whisper, kissing her forehead again. I feel tears sting my eyes. 'Please wake up Kimba.' I sniff. 'I need you to be here. I want to see you on the beach, I want to see you drawing again. I even want you to shout at me, hate me for calling Adam. Please babes, anything but this. Wake up.'
She doesn't respond and I just sink to my knees, folding my arms over on the bed and burying my head in them. 'Cheryl?'
I barely look up and Sarah has jumped up and ran around the bed to me. 'Hey, hey come on, where's this coming from? Awh Chez...'
'S-Sorry... I'm sorry...'
'Come on, Chez, dry those eyes. And keep them that way. We don't want Kimba waking up and seeing you upset do we?'
'N-no...'
'That's right. Where is he, he did turn up didn't he?'
'Yeah... he's outside... I think he's scared.'
'Of what?'
I keep forgetting that Sarah knows... pretty much nothing. Standing up I grasp her hand. 'I really wanna tell you everything, honey.' I smile. 'But a lot of it... it's Kimba's business, more than it is mine. I just don't feel comfortable...'
'It's okay Chez, honest. Maybe I don't want to know. All I want is for you to be alright, you know. Whatever you've bloody got yourself into here... you know after everything you've been through, I just want you to be okay.'
I hug Sarah tightly, comforted by her words and her presence. 'I'm gonna get a coffee babe, I'll take my time, let big brother be here without me getting in the way.'
'You're not in the way--'
'I think he needs to see his sister without all and sundry watching. D'you want anything?'
'No, I'm fine.'
**
I take Sarah's vacated seat, sit there for nearly twenty minutes before Adam finally comes in.
I've been watching Kimberley's face intently for any sign of life, but I sense it when the door opens and closes. He stands there, staring. I watch tears fill his eyes and he moves closer like a zombie, never taking his eyes off her. I get up and go to stand next to him when he reaches her side. 'Adam?'
'She - she looks like a corpse.'
'Don't say that!'
'C-can... can she hear me?'
'I'm not sure. I talk to her anyway... I think she can. I hope she can. Shall I leave you alone...?'
'No, stay, please.'
'Sit down.' I gesture at the seat by the bed and he goes to it, pulls it closer to the bed and grasps his sisters hand between his own. 'Kimberley? Kimberley, It's Adam.'
His voice breaks slightly and I watch him taking deep breaths, trying not to cry. 'Kimberley, I'm here. And I'm not angry with you, and I don't hate you and... God, I'm so sorry. Come on little sis, I need you to wake up so I can tell you what an idiot I am.'
I can tell he is close to breaking down. I move closer and put a hand on his shoulder. 'Don't let her see you cry.'
'I want to see her doctor, is he around? Where will he be?'
'I'll go and find out... I'll find out and get him in here.'
'No it's ok... not yet, just... Sorry. I'm a bit of a mess.'
'She's going to be ok. You have to believe in her. I haven't known her long, but she's so strong. She beat those drugs all by herself. She fought it. She's so strong, she'll come through this. Before you know it you'll be telling her you're sorry and hugging her and she'll be hugging back telling you it's ok, because she's glad to have her brother back.'
Adam smiles slightly. 'It should never have been like this.' He croaks, looking back at her. He raises a hand and touches her face. 'I was so... blinded by... just anger. I didn't even think anything of it until a few days after she stopped trying to call me. I was glad she'd given up... but then I started to worry. Nobody had seen her in days, none of her friends had spoken to her...'
'Adam, can I ask you something?'
'Yes?'
'What about your mother?'
Adam sighs heavily. He leans back, letting go of Kimberley's hand. 'She said Kimberley could look after herself. I don't think she cared.'
'That's terrible.' I say angrily, my hands curving into fists. 'She's her mother for God's sake.'
'They were never the same.' Adam continues. 'After we lost Dad... I take it you know about that too?'
I nod, still furious at this woman who calls herself a mother.
'After we lost Dad... my mum and Kimberley, they never really got on. Kimberley was with him when he died, and she wasn't. For some reason she couldn't ever get past that. And they were so close, Dad and Kimberley. She was the definition of a Daddy's Girl, always. She was going to go to college, but when he became ill, she rejected her place to take care of him. They fought so much about that, her and mum... But I always stuck up for her, for Kimberley. That's why when all that happened with Jen... I just felt so...'
He sighs again. 'I don't need you to tell me I should have just listened to her. I just went in all guns blazing, I didn't care about anyone else.'
'I can understand that. A little. But your mother... I just... I'm sorry, I can't get my head around her being so...'
'I know.'
We fall silent, both of us looking at Kimberley. 'Do you think... would she come? If I... or if you called her. Your mum. Would she--'
'I talked to her.' Adam says abruptly. 'Before I went to the airport to come here, I told her what you'd told me on the phone. I asked her to come with me, but...'
He doesn't need to say anymore. She isn't here, with him, and with her daughter. That says it all.
**
Sarah comes back in the room after another half an hour or more. And she's holding a huge CD player.
'What's that?'
'Hiya, you must be Adam.' Sarah shifts the player under her arm to shake his hand.
'Sarah Harding.'
'The one and only.' She sighs. She looks around, then places the CD player on the floor. 'It's got batteries in it, thought the plug sockets would be all taken up in here.' She says breezily, looking the machines up and down.
'Sarah, what--'
'Music, Cheryl. You hear these stories all the time. Music brings people back. I read about an eleven year old lad who woke up to a Green Day album. It could work. Worth a try, right?'
Adam laughs. I turn to him in surprise, see him smiling weakly at Sarah. 'What?' she says defensively.
'It's good to meet you Sarah Harding.' He says.
'Yeah, great idea Sarah. But what were you planning to play?'
'Oh, I'll think of something. I'll go home and get some CDs, or--'
'Hang on.' I suddenly get an idea. 'I've got a better idea. I'm going home for a while. Will you--'
'You're on my speed dial, Cheryl.' Sarah says without looking at me. 'It'll be fine.'
**
It takes me a few goes to get it right, and by the time it decides to work I'm swearing under my breath, cursing technology. But I do it. I make a playlist of all the songs Kimberley and I listened to together. I put all sorts on there; Green Day. Oasis. Eva Cassidy. Sarah's music, and even some of my own. When I select it to burn onto a disc it tells me it will take over an hour. I fall asleep on the desk.
It's very early morning when I wake up. Morning is just breaking over the horizon, and I can't believe I slept that long, stayed away from the hospital that long. Checking my phone quickly I see two missed calls from Sarah, and a text; Have u got lost?? Adam's sending me home. Keep me informed. Luv u xx
I make a quick coffee and change clothes, then head for the hospital.
It's so early that it's not even seven in the morning when I get there, and Adam is asleep beside Kimberley, his head on the pillow near her shoulder. Deciding to leave him a bit longer I head for the canteen and some breakfast. On the way, I see the doctor treating Kimberley and run to catch up with him. 'Have you been to her yet? Is she any better?'
'I haven't been in yet. I've just got in work. She's top of my list, don't worry.' He says, making his way to the coffee machine.
'But what do you think?'
'She hasn't responded to any treatment. Yet.' He smiles encouragingly. 'Give her time. Everything has its own time.' He strolls away and I stand there watching him. I don't care. I think selfishly. I need her now. She needs to come back now...
**
Adam is awake when I get back. I brought him a coffee, and hand it to him. 'I would've brought you food but you can't eat in here. You go and get something to eat if you like. The sausage butties aren't too bad.'
'I'm not hungry.' He smiles. 'Where've you been? I sent Sarah home, she was exhausted...'
'Yeah she texted me...'
'She said she'd be back this afternoon though. So where were you?'
There was something accusatory in his voice, I couldn't help noticing. 'I was... sorting something out.' I drop my bag on the floor and rummage in it, extracting not one but five discs, all with Kimberley's name scrawled across their blank surfaces to identify them. 'I've been putting songs on these... songs I think she'd like... or just random ones we listened to together...'
'You did this all night?'
'Well not all night... fell asleep... and I'm not great with computers, so... I hope they work!' I try to laugh, but somehow it doesn't work. Adam gently takes the discs from my hands, and places one in the player, gesturing for me to sit down. While he's busy with the player I greet Kimberley silently, brushing her hair back and kissing her hand.
The sounds of Oasis fill the room and I sigh with relief, glad my limited computer skills managed to stretch this far. 'This was played at Dad's funeral.' Adam says. 'Did you know that?'
'Yeah, she told me.'
'Why did you fight?'
'Sorry?'
'You and Kimberley, why did you fight? What made her run off?'
'I told you, she saw an article about Andrew... and she went mental.'
'But why?'
'She thought... because I never told her about him... she thought I was using her. That his death was all my fault and I was trying to... redeem myself by helping her, or something.'
'And was she right? Is that true?'
'Of course it isn't.' I tell him calmly. I was expecting this.
'So why didn't you tell her?'
'Because I was afraid she'd react exactly how she did react, and she was so... closed off when I met her, lashed out whenever I spoke to her about anything. I was waiting for the right time.'
I look at Kimberley then, feel tears sting my eyes. 'I'm sorry.' I whisper.
'It's not your fault.' Adam says, thinking I'm talking to him. 'I made her like that. Everyone who loved her turned their backs on her. Even Jen... she told me Kimberley meant nothing to her, that she never had. She makes me sick.'
'What are you gonna do?' I ask him softly. 'About... the baby?'
'I haven't decided yet. She said she's keeping it, and the rest is up to me.' Adam turns the music off, making me look up at him. 'What is she to you? My sister?'
'What do you mean?'
'I don't want her getting hurt again. I know that's rich coming from me, but I'm going to make it up to her.'
'She means a great deal to me.' I tell him stiffly. He's right, he has no right acting all big brotherly all of a sudden, especially against me. 'I care about her very much and I'm going to be here when she wakes up, to look after her again.'
Adam glares at me for a long time but I don't look away. 'I'm going for something to eat.' He mutters, and he leaves the room. Slowly I get up and put the music back on. Eva Cassidy's 'Songbird' starts and I feel tears in my eyes. Sitting back down I take Kimberley's hand and rub it, hating how cold she feels. 'Come back.' I beg her.
My heart started beating furiously hard when Adam said 'what is she to you', because I haven't figured it out myself. 'Come back, Kimba. Listen to me. I love you.'