Fix me

Chapter 12

'Kimberley, I have to tell you something.'

I was lay in her bed, in that blissful post-sex haze, my eyes closed as she stroked up and down my shoulder. 'What?'

'You're not going to like it.'

'What is it?'

'I'm in a relationship.'

I sat up quickly to look at her. 'And we're engaged.' She added in a whisper.

'To a man, or a woman?'

'A... a man.'

'Right.' I slid out of bed to sit on the edge, and she does the same, putting her arms around me. 'I don't love him.'

'You must if he proposed and you said yes.'

'I did at the time, then I met you. I don't love him, I love you.'

'Really?'

'Don't you love me?' she said sadly.

'I don't know... I've never been in love before, I wouldn't know.'

'You've never been in love before?'

'I'm only nineteen!'

Silence fell between us, and she started kissing my shoulder. 'So, we're having an affair.' I said slowly.

'I'm going to leave him.' She said with determination. 'That's if... if you want to be with me for real. Do you?'

'I hadn't really thought about it like that.' I admitted. 'I've never had a proper... girlfriend before.'

'Just f*ckbuddies?'

'Something like that.'

'Well, do you want me to be your first proper girlfriend?' she said huskily, pushing me back down on the bed and kissing down my stomach. 'Not until you finish with this guy.'

'But until then...' she whispered, 'we can still carry on as we are?'

'Like I'm gonna say no to that...'

It's definitely the best birthday since I lost my dad.

We don't do anything special at first. Cheryl takes me around LA shopping, even though we don't buy anything, it's just a beautiful place. We go and see a film, then to a little backstreet shop that sells enormous ice cream sundaes and we sit in the sun eating them as fast as possible because they immediately start to melt.

Cheryl takes us back to the house to get changed. 'Wear that black dress I got you.' She tells me. 'It'll be perfect.'

'Perfect for what?'

'You'll see.'

'Cheryl...' I say warningly , but she just grins cheekily at me. 'Hurry up babe, or we'll miss it.'

'Miss what?!'

'I'm not telling you.'

'You're such a pain...'

**

We end up walking along the beach just as the sun is going down. 'Why is nobody here?' I say in disbelief, admiring the view and the silence. 'It's so beautiful here...'

'I know... not many people come here, it's only tiny compared to further up on the other side of those rocks. Oh look, it's here!'

'What's here?'

'Look.'

I have to shield my eyes because if the sun, but I see a boat coming in. 'What, that?' I say, looking at Cheryl in confusion. She just smiles. 'Are we getting on that?!'

'Aye, course we are. We're having dinner on it aswell.'

She laughs when all I can do is stare at her. 'What're you looking at us like that for?'

'How did you get that?'

'It's mine, Kimba.'

'Really?! You can sail?'

'Well yeah, but I won't be tonight I'll be eating with you, someone else will be sailing.'

'Oh my God, you never told me you could sail!'

'You never asked.'

'Well it never came up, did it? It'd be weird if I just randomly asked you, like if I just randomly asked you if you could horse ride, or ski.'

'Yep, that too.'

'What, you can ski?'

'Yeah, and horse ride.'

'Bloody hell Cheryl, you're full of surprises aren't you?'

'I'm a woman of many talents.' She laughs. 'Come on, you ready to board?'

'I guess so...'

**

The sea is calm. We sail gently out into the middle of the ocean, resting under the stars, eating and talking. I think it's the happiest I've ever felt in years, and Cheryl notices. 'Why do you keep looking up and grinning?' she giggles. 'You're not drunk are you?'

'We're not drinking. No, I'm just... I dunno.'

'Go on, what?'

'I can't believe I'm here. I might have to pinch myself. This is... really bizarre.'

'In a good way?'

'Of course in a good way! I'm... really, really happy right now.'

'Aah, good. You had a good birthday then?'

'The best.' I say seriously. 'The absolute best.'

Cheryl's phone starts to ring in her bag. 'F*cking hell.' She curses.

'It's alright, answer it.'

'No, ignore it.'

'Cheryl, it might be important.'

'It won't be.'

'You won't know until you answer, will you?'

Cheryl huffs and puffs while she rummages for the phone and answers it with a snappy 'What?' then she smiles slowly and holds the phone out to me. 'It's for you.'

'What? How can it be?'

'Just take the phone.'

Suspiciously I take the phone off her. 'Hello?'

'Hey you sneaky little cow, how could you not tell me it was your birthday?!'

Immediately I burst out laughing. 'Hi, Sarah.'

'Don't you "hi Sarah" me all innocent! You're missing out! I could've thrown you a massive party! You could be hammered by now, but where are you? Being boring, with the Queen of Boring.'

'Oi, I heard that!' Cheryl says through a mouthful of prawns.

'I think I got drunk enough with you last time Sarah.'

'Oh, bullsh*t, that wasn't nearly drunk enough. I'll make up for this, you just wait.'

'No you won't I'm never drinking again. Not near you anyway.'

'I'll spike your drinks then. Anyway, joking aside, Happy Birthday kidda. Enjoy it.'

'Thanks Sarah, I have. I am.' I say, smiling at Cheryl.

'I'll pop round again in a few days when I've got you something.'

'Don't you dare Sarah!'

Sarah just cackles down the phone, then hangs up.

'She hung up! Why did you tell her it was my birthday?' I groan.

'Just making conversation.' Cheryl shrugs innocently. I throw a prawn at her. It misses and goes in the sea. 'Awh, at least he's back home now.' Cheryl laughs. 'Have you enjoyed today?'

'It's been the best day I've had in years. Honestly.'

'Do you miss your family?'

My face falls. 'Don't ruin it Cheryl.'

'Do you?'

I look away from her, out to sea. 'No, I don't.'

'Really?'

'There's only one person I miss. The rest of them... I genuinely don't.'

'Kimba...'

'Well they're not missing me are they? Stop getting so sad about it Cheryl. I know you're close to your mum and brother, but I'm not. Not anymore. Let it go, yeah?'

'Are you still checking your phone every day?'

'I haven't today.'

'But you might have--'

'No I won't. Please let it go, Cheryl. I'm tired of it now.'

Cheryl looks at me sadly for a few minutes, then says quietly, 'Alright. Here, I'll be back in a minute.'

She disappears into the inside cabin of the boat, and comes back out with a bottle of champagne in one hand, and a little cupcake in the other. She sits back down, sticks a candle in the cupcake and lights it with the lighter in her bag. 'Make a wish!' she giggles. 'Happy Birthday Kimba.'

'Cheryl! Awh, that is too cute. When did you get this?'

'When you were in the shower this morning, I just put icing on it.'

'You shouldn't have.'

'C'mon, make a wish.'

'I don't know what to wish for.'

'There must be something. Anything. You have to make a wish on your birthday.'

'Fine.' I sigh, blowing the candle out quickly. Cheryl cracks the champagne open and the mood lightens then as we work our way through the bottle while the boat makes it's way back to shore.

**

I lie awake in bed for ages that night, just thinking. Cheryl is fast asleep beside be, but she wakes up after a while and sees me sat up, staring into space. 'Kimba? You ok?'

'Yeah, fine.'

'You sure?' she yawns, sitting up.

'Yeah, fine.'

Cheryl rubs her eyes and blinks a few times. 'Why don't I believe you?'

'I'm fine I'm just not tired yet.'

'What're you thinking about?'

I look at Cheryl wish a heavy sigh. 'Are you gonna stop asking?'

'Nope.' She smiles sleepily.

'I was just thinking, when we go home--'

'D'you want to go home?' she says quickly, taking my hand. 'Is that it, are you homesick babe?'

'No! Course not, let me finish the sentence.'

'Sorry, go on.'

'When we go back, I'm gonna go back to Bradford--'

'I knew you missed them.' Cheryl said with some sort of triumph.

'No I don't. I was gonna say I'm gonna go to my dad's grave. I've been on my last two birthdays, so I'm gonna go when we go back.'

'Oh... why didn't you say something?'

'I just did.'

'I mean... before we came here.'

'It doesn't matter. My birthdays the only time I go, that's really bad isn't it? I should go more often.'

'We'll go straight there when we go back.' Cheryl promises.

'You don't have to go with me.' I laugh.

'I'd like to. Do you go alone, when you go?'

'No, I...I used to go with Adam.'

Cheryl smiles sympathetically. 'It sounds like you were close with him.'

'Not anymore.'

Cheryl bites her lip. 'But you were once.' She bursts out. 'He must be going mad, not hearing from you Kim.'

'He won't be. He hates me.'

'Whatever happened, it can't be as bad as you're making out. Whatever it is that you won't tell me, it can't be bad enough for your brother to just stop caring about you just like that. I know I don't know anything about it--'

'That's right, you don't.'

Cheryl stops then, and lies back down. 'Cheryl?'

'Yeah?'

'Can I borrow your computer?'

Cheryl turns her head, frowning. 'Yeah... what now?'

'Is that ok?'

'Course... you do know it's nearly two in the morning though, don't you?'

'I know.'

'Fair enough... you're weird. It's in the room next door, you might have to move some stuff off it.'

'Thanks.'

**

Cheryl's laptop is ridiculously dusty and slow, but it will do. I wait impatiently for the internet to load, decide to go and make a brew while I'm waiting. I go back in the bedroom to see if Cheryl wants one but she's fallen back asleep. I watch her for a few minutes; it makes me feel peaceful.

As soon as the internet works I log onto the website of the bar Adam owns back home and click on 'Staff Profiles', and there he is at the top. 'Adam Walsh, Manager'. I don't read any of the information underneath, I just look at the picture. I would never admit it to Cheryl because she definitely wouldn't let it drop, she'd spend all her time trying to get me to call him, but I miss him.

All I do is look at the picture for ages, then the light starts hurting my eyes so I shut the laptop down and go back to bed. Cheryl is half-awake again. 'You alright?'

'Yeah, fine.'

'Good.' She sighs sleepily. She doesn't ask what I needed it for, and I expected her to, but she just gives my hand a squeeze and smiles. It's like she can sense what subjects to push me on and which ones to leave alone. Just as I lie back down, she leans over and gives me a quick peck on the lips.

It's nothing like the last two times she kissed me. For one thing she's sober; for another, unlike the last time which was a full on snog, this is just very quick, very soft, and so fast I barely even notice it happens. But it makes me feel more than anything I felt when it happened before. 'Glad you had a good day today babe.' She yawns, curling up again and closing her eyes.

I just stare at her for a second before I fine my voice. 'I did, thanks to you. I won't ever forget it.'

'Sweet dreams Kimba.'

'You too.'