Chapter 20
What now?
ALEX.
"He still hasn't spilled it again." I said, mildly irritated, to Kaylee. She sighed.
"Maybe he's still too scared to tell you?"
I snorted. "That's bullshit. How did he do it last night then?"
"Come on, the guy thought you were asleep."
"Whatever," I replied, gathering my things. "I'm heading to the dorm, then to the airport. Wanna come?"
"What's up?"
"Send-off. They're leaving today."
It's a sad truth. I only get to be with Nathan and the guys for a few happy days, then they leave right after.
Dating a music-maker has its downsides.
"I'll pass," She said politely, returning to her research. "Say hi to them for me."
It was a normal school day after my birthday. Nathan had gone back to the hotel after I had woken up, without so much as a hint of what he said last night.
That was big. I didn't want to assume, which is exactly why I'm waiting for him to say it again.
Well, I can't just wring his neck and yell "Say the damn words, filthy motherfucker!" at him, can I?
Was it really real? Or was I just in a dream that felt real?
No, wait.
I think it was real.
Or not.
Agh. Help me.
Shaking off all thoughts of him, I trudged back to my dorm room and got dressed. The day still isn't over, who knows what could happen?
~
Overcome with exhaustion, I plopped down on an empty airport seat beside Nathan. Looking up from his phone, he glanced at me curiously.
"Well, hello," He greeted. "Where've you been?"
I sighed and ran a hand through my messy hair, trying to make it look presentable. "Well, for one, I snuck out of campus because somehow, they didn't trust me and didn't wanna let me out, then almost all of the taxis were filled, I was lucky enough to take a vacant one. And, the traffic was so downright horrible, I was forced to walk all the way here."
He shrugged. "You just made it in time. We're boarding in an hour."
My shoulders slumped. I wished I could spend more time with him.
He must've noticed, since he smiled at me and pulled me closer.
"Naw, come on, babe. We've been through this a lot of times, haven't we? We'll make it. I promise to make time for you. Cheer up," He reassured me, putting an arm around my shoulder. I leaned in to his chest.
I debated whether or not to ask him about last night. It didn't seem like a good idea, like I'm too desperate.
I fought back the uneasy feeling inside me and decided to keep my mouth shut.
We just sat there, talking about random things until it was time to leave.
"Don't party too hard, okay?" I said, standing in the entrance to the departure area.
He chuckled and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I won't, I promise. I'll be thinking of you. You won't even leave my mind."
He pulled me in for a hug.
I breathed everything in.
His scent.
The warmth of his body.
His arms around me.
Sure, I'll get used to saying goodbye one day, but the pain won't fade away. It'll always be a cycle: a few days of happiness, then they leave, then everything's cold and lonely again. I'll lie in bed at night, longing for the sense of safety and protection in his arms.
He does make me happy, but sometimes, he causes me the greatest pain. I still have doubts and fears inside me that he will never find out. Seeing him leave, on his way to thousands of miles away... I sometimes wish he was just an ordinary person.
Nathan pulled away. He tilted my chin up to look me in the eyes.
"There's probably a lot of things running around your head, and I'm pretty sure it feels like the same thing over again," he said. "But I want you to know, that I'm doing this for the both of us. I want you to trust me."
I nodded meekly, a little taken aback by what he said.
Then, he took a deep breath.
"I... I also want you to know that.. Alex, I love you."
How do humans breathe again?
~
He stared at me, searching my face for an answer. I wasn't able to speak, to breathe, to move. Basically, I was incapable of doing anything.
"Alex?" Nathan asked, waving a hand in front of my face. "You still there?"
I blinked, then cleared my throat.
"N-Nathan... That.."
He smiled at me. "Just thought you wanted to know. It's okay if you can't-"
"NO!" I interrupted. Oh. So now my brain is working. "I can speak now, thank you very much," I took a deep breath and attempted to compose myself. "I love you too, Nathan."
There it is. Some sort of heavy weight lifted from my chest, and I felt pretty good. Like I could float on air.
It just came out. Like I just felt it.
Jay came over and patted his back.
"Enough with the mushy-gushyness. We need to go. See ya real soon, Alex."
Nathan nodded. Then, still holding me by the waist, he pulled me closer, leaned down, and touched his lips to mine.
And before I knew it, he had pulled away, and I stood there, watching as he gave me one more wave before disappearing out of my sight.
~
NATHAN.
*four months later*
"TO THE NEW ALBUM!" Max yelled, raising his glass to the air.
The rest of us did a toast and yelled in agreement.
After months of hard work, we finally got some time to ourselves. The album was set.
The night grew deeper, and Everyone was just enjoying themselves. Downing pints of beer, talking, laughing, dancing, whatever. Pretty soon, almost half of our party was tipsy.
Just for fun, I did a head count.
Somebody was missing.
Where is that curly-haired klutz?
Frowning, I stood up and tried to find him. The pub didn't have much people, so he must be pretty easy.
I scoured every nook and cranny. He wasn't there.
That left the men's room.
With an uneasy feeling in my chest, I pushed open the door and had a heart attack.
Almost crawling on the floor was Jay.
Clutching his abdomen.
And he looked like he was in pain.
"Nath... Help me..."
~
I sat on the cold, plastic, hospital chair, my head buried in my hands. I forced myself to think clearly.
Maybe because of me, Jay's condition would worsen.
I didn't act fast. Instead, I stood there, staring at him in shock, as he spew blood all over the floor.
Then I saw my shoes. They had traces of his blood. I blinked hard to keep the tears from falling.
I should've forced myself to move instead of staring at him, as he passed out on the floor.
I feel hopeless. What could be happening to Jay?
Add in the fact that two of us are drunk, and can't help.
God, please let everything be okay.
I waited in agony. The doctor told me (being the only one present who was sober), that several tests had to be made on him, to determine his condition.
Finally, two hours later, the doctor came out.
My heart hammered as he told me what's wrong.
He looked at me, sympathy in his eyes.
Then the world came crashing down.
~
ALEX.
I lifted my phone up to my face, groaned, then placed my forehead on the table with a small thud. Grace, my dorm mate (who became a close friend), and Kaylee snickered.
"You've been checking your phone every ten seconds," Grace pointed out, poking me with a carrot stick. "What's up with you?"
I groaned in reply.
"Come on, Lex. They're probably just busy. "
"It's been a week. Come on, don't you think they would say something?" I replied.
There was silence for a few more minutes. Then, Grace let out a gasp, looking up worriedly at me from her phone (which, I guess, she was using to check Twitter).
Frowning, I looked at her.
"Alex... It's Jay. There's something wrong with him."
~
A/N: Heyy. Long time, no see. (:
This is a filler chapter, since I felt the need to update. Sorry if it's downright horrid.
Anyway, CLIFFY. :p You just have to understand that what I'm doing to Jay here also hurt me so bad. I'm sorry. ): Things will be better, tho. Don't hate me. ;)
Smile, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE YOU. (: ❤