"fuck" he dropped the spliff out of his hands. "I'm.. that's.. fuck I'm sorry"
"who cares" I shrugged.
"I'll walk you home" he stated.
"you know, you haven't made a snarky comment in almost 10 minutes" I nodded.
"I do have a heart, you know" he chuckled lightly, he reached his hand out.
Does he...
"come on" he flexed his hand.
I hesitated for a moment before taking his hand in mine.
"do you even know where I live??" I wondered.
"I've picked up Dustin a few times" he shrugged.
"how do you balance your dnd and your band??" I asked.
"well it helps that my band has gone literally nowhere at this point" he laughed. "plus we're.. very busy with the Hellfires"
"I've always been curious with dnd, ever since Dustin first mentioned it" I stated.
"I though you might.. with all the literature and stuff" he waved his hands dramatically.
"could I come and watch one day??" I wondered.
"ooohhh... I... uh.. I'm very strict about that stuff. you could.. uh.. you could sub in one day if you want.. if someone is missing from a campaign" he mumbled.
"sounds great" I nodded.
I tried to speak but all I could think about was the fact that his hand was still holding mine.
"how long were you together??" he hesitated to ask.
"I guess we still are technically together... We never broke up or anything" I shrugged.
"no way. the moment he decided to cheat, he ended the relationship. fuck him" he spoke enthusiastically.
"we were together for 3 whole years" I nodded.
"Dustin always said he was an asshole" Eddie sighed.
"why were you discussing my boyfriend?? Did you ask about my boyfriend??" I raised an eyebrow at him.
"no... we were just talking about you and it came into conversation" he muttered.
"right" I nodded sternly.
We continued walking, hand in hand... this time in silence though.
I could feel the cold metal of his rings against my fingers.
"be safe, okay?" he caught my attention and I noticed all the sudden that I was home. "I'll see you soon, Wilson"
I took my hand away from his and used it to wave as he disappeared into the darkness.
He confuses me.
I shrugged to myself before entering the house, not bothering to take notice of Mom and Dustin, before entering my room.
I closed the door tight and collapsed onto the bed, staying there for as long as possible.
That ended up being a while.
A few days went by and I only left my room to go to the bathroom.
I'd strategically time it so I wouldn't bump into anyone.
Mom and Dustin attempted to speak to me but I'd say nothing in return.
After like.. the fourth day, Steve and Robin came by.
A part of me wanted Dan and Axel to come by.
I don't know why.
It's their fault I'm like this but...
I don't know.
I didn't cry.
I couldn't.
I know I did after initially finding out but from here I was just kind of numb.
I just led in bed.
Just led there.
The most I did was grab my walkman to listen to sad music in order to make me even sadder.
There's just nothing here anymore.
What could I do??
I just wasted 3 years of my life on someone I thought loved me.
I had planned our future together.
We were gonna move out of this shitty town.
We were gonna get married.
Tour the world with the band until we couldn't anymore.
Then we'd just settle down and have kids and..
Live a happy life together.
Everything.
Now what am I gonna do??
I have no plans.
My future is fucked.
My relationship is fucked.
My head is fucked.
Everything is fucked.
"Y/N?" I heard Dustin call out from behind my door.
I didn't respond.
"someone left a tape for you" now this caught my attention.
"who?" I replied.
"I don't know. It was left in the postbox.. and it's.. Its wrapped so I can't tell. I.. I don't feel right opening it for you" he stated.
I paused for a moment.
"come in" I mumbled.
The door opened with the speed of light as my little brother appeared in the doorway.
"give it here" I stated.
He stumbled towards me and carefully placed the tape in my hands.
"what happened??" he asked. "we talked to Eddie cause.. apparently you told him but he wouldn't tell us. said it wouldn't be right"
I paused for a moment.
He didn't tell them??
I took a moment before grabbing the back of Dustin's head, kissing his forehead softly.
"I love you. now go please" I moved my attention to the tape in my hand.
"I love you too, sis" he nodded before exiting the room.
I furrowed my eyebrows at the wrapping paper in front of me.
It was blue and had snowmen on it..
It's May...
That's cute.
I ripped open the paper and stumbled to read what the song was.
David Bowie - Rock N Roll Suicide
I don't know this one.
I love Bowie.
I turned the tape over.
don't know if you know this one but I know you like Bowie and it just fits.
You're not alone, Wilson.
I could help by smile to myself.
A small smile that is.. but a smile nonetheless.
That's weirdly sweet of him.
I grabbed my Walkman and placed the tape inside.
I excitedly placed the headphones over my ears and pressed play.
I played the song on repeat for almost an hour, crying more and more with each word.
Crying for the first time since it happened.
Oh no, love, you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone