//Alex//
Leaning on the wall staring into the darkness. My mind had stopped replaying the replaying every memory i had with Matt. I feel so different, like seeing him was like getting hit by a truck over and over again. I don't know what the feeling is or how to make it stop. Was it because I still love Matt? Was it because I hated him more now? Maybe the latter. Probably.
I think it's because I've spent all this time repressing my heartbreak -partying and doing something all the time whether it was good or bad- I haven't actually healed from it. What if my "feelings" for Dolph or Dean is just another distraction.
This whole situation is confusing and most of it is my fault anyway. I let Dean in. I kissed Dolph. I went on a date with him already. I got myself in this mess with my mother. And now, Matt, the ex.
All these points, all these things that add to it, right now I am confused with my own feelings, was my decision justified or was it a wrong one. All while I put up this act for the fans, they see me as a Diva that makes her own rules, does her own thing, everything I said out there pleased each and every one of them. It's exhausting. I'm a mess -as usual- and I don't know what to do. I would talk to Melanie about this but she is going through something and I'm not even there to help her.
I'm a bad friend, she needs me and I'm here dating guys, seeing my ex and acting like an idiot. Oh my gosh. I am a terrible friend, what kind of friend leaves her best one high and dry in a time of need-
"Alexis?" His voice startles me, cutting me off from my inner degrading.
"Oh hell no." I scoff pushing off the wall.
"Look I just want to talk." Matt grabs my arm, pulling me back to look at him.
I can see the red mark on his face from when I slapped him, which not gonna lie did give me satisfaction.
"Well I don't." I retort.
"Alexis, it wasn't supposed to go down this way." He sighs.
"Right, so Stephanie didn't bring you here in hopes to humiliate me." I fold my arms.
"I..well yes-"
"Then that's all I need to know." I go to leave again but he grabs me harder keeping a grip on both my arms.
"Matt, let me go." I glare at him.
"Look you need to listen to me first. Okay, please." He begs with pleading eyes. He seems desperate for me to hear him out. So with a sigh I look at him with an expression for him to start talking.
"Okay good well first I want to say you look beautif-"
"You got five minutes, no bullshit." I cut him off.
He gulped, "Right. I want to make things right with you, what i did to you was so stupid, I let go of a diamond and went for a coin."
He let's go of my arms and I step back, he tries to come forward but I put my hand telling him no.
"I really just want to make things right with you." He sighs. "What I did back then, it was stupid, it was idiotic and I lost the most beautiful, wonderful girl in the world because of it." His voice was filled with sorrow, like if these words were on his mind, like if he meant what he was saying, but his eyes told a different story, his eyes still looked mischievous, like how he was in the ring, it looked like he was really thinking 'what a sucker this girl is for believing me' and maybe thats what he thinks. But it isn't what I think.
"If you wanted to make things right between us, why'd you do all that stuff, and say all those things to me?" I ask.
"Because that- it means nothing." He says.
"So why did you say it?" I ask again looking him in the eye.
"Everything that happened out there isn't what I want happening now, it isn't what I am trying to tell you now okay?"
Growing annoyed I snapped, "so why did you say it!"
"Because it show business Alex!" He exclaims.
"Oh really? You know my relationship with my mother and you go out there to patronize me with her! That isn't show business it seems really fricking personal to me!"
He let put a deep exhale, claiming his eyes shut, his jaw was clenched so was it fist, opening his eyes once more to look at me.
"Listen okay, you have to understand, I wanted to talk to you, and I knew you wouldn't willing meet up with me anywhere or answer a message." I nod at this since I wouldn't.
"So, when your mom contacted me. She said she wanted me to join her in that segment, flew me out here yesterday and had this elaborate plan to have me help her psych you out. I told her I was here to make things right with you and she told me if I didn't do it I'd never get the chance to speak with you again. So trust me Alex when I tell you I didn't want to do that- any of that. I'm sorry." He spoke softly, I didn't notice but he stepped closer to me. Look on his face was sad, angry at himself, pleading, distress, and it made my guard falter and I found part of myself starting to believe him.
"Why should I trust you?" I ask my voice low and came out like a sort of squeal which I didn't want but I didn't expect this either.
"Because, Alex I love you."
My jaw drops. He loves me? I thought he said I was-
"I know what I said, I know what I did and how I hurt you and I was an asshole to you for it but Alex I love you, everyday since what happened I felt sick, I broke up with the girl the day after and I tried calling but nothing came through, I was an idiot that thought being in love was weak and made me less of a man when in reality me thinking that is what made me less of a man, so Alex please if you can just find it in your heart to forgive me, even if you need a few days to think things through, but when you do just know I love you." He says.
I stood there in shock not a muscle in my body moving, I was frozen, for all those years together I wanted to him to say it and now he's here saying it and I don't know what to do.
"And I know me saying 'I love you' now may not be enough and you probably don't trust it so trust this." Quickly, in a swift motion he smashed his lips to mine, his hands holding my cheeks, his fingers gliding across my cheek bones, I could feel his tongue on my lip wanting me to open my mouth and let him in.
I missed this, I missed the electricity that shot through my veins at his touch, the shivers that went down my spine, so I did what happened everytime we fought in the past. I gave up resisting. And I gave into him.
And as always I gave myself up to him.
••••••
"What the fuck."
A sharp scream replaces the moans of pleasure. Matt drops me out of the fright of those words. Luckily I was in my underwear and it was just parted.
J look at the door seeing Dean with an unreadable expression. "Oh God." I mutter scrambling to get my pants on. But before I can fully do this Dean grabs Matt and throws him.
Matt went into the shelf breaking it. Some items falling. Matt got up. "What the fuck man!" Matt yells.
He swings a right at Dean. It didn't phase him. Dean stares at him. His expression still unreadable. Dean hits back.
"Shit, shit, shit." A series of profanities leave my mouth, as I zip my pants and buckle it, "Dean stop!" I try going to Dean but he pushes me away.
With that distraction Matt launches himself at Dean making him land backfirst on the floor. Matt hits him. One. Two. Dean pushes him off and now has him pinned to the ground. "Guys please stop it!" I scream at them. Dean hits him. Again. Again. Again. Again.
"Dean stop it please!" He looks at me briefly , stopping his assault and standing up. Tears form in my eyes nun of them falling though, but I don't know who they are for, is it for me, Dean, or Matt.
"Come on." He growls, roughly grabbing my hand, squeezing my wrist, and pulling me out of the room. He was walking fast, so fast i couldn't keep up and I almost fell. Twice.
"Dean stop, let me go!" I beg, my wrist was on fire I don't think he realized how tight his hold was on me.
"You're hurting me!" I cry out.
He immediately stops in his track and I yank my hand out his wrist. I rub it with my left arm. He looks at me with a cold expression, looking down at my hand then at me. With a loud scoff he turns around and begins walking away. This infuriates me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I scream at him.
He stops and turns around looking at he but a few feet away. "What's wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"Nothing-"
"That was nothing!" He shouts cutting me off.
"Its nun of your business." I say firmly.
"Oh yeah well if I had known that I wouldn't have been looking for you all fucking night!" He spat.
"I never asked you to do that." I grit back.
"Well you definitely was in there asking Matt for something else didn't you?" He says.
"What's going on between Matt and I have nothing to do with you." I point a finger at him.
"Since when there was something going on between Matt and you huh? I thought he was your toxic ex boyfriend I mean out there he showed you pretty well the things he'd do to humiliate you and you just go and fuck him in a closet as a reward."
"You don't get it...he...he apologized to me for everything."
"Oh okay, tell me what did he say, did he say he loved you, that even if he didn't before he just didn't realize until you were gone, did he make promises, did he tell you take your time to make a decision, huh he do that Alex did he?" He questions a patronizing look on his face.
Me not responding gave him his answer. "Exactly, he's just using you and you're to dumb enough to realize it."
"It- this time was different-"
"Different how? Was it the lighting or something, how was that different Alex? Something tells me you gave him sex everytime he apologized, everytime he fucked up and gave you a bullshit apology you took it and you just did again." He cuts me off again. "He probably thinks your a stupid slut for it too."
I couldn't take this anymore. My eyes roamed to the floor. I couldn't look at Dean again. I couldn't look at anyone. Did i really do that everytime Matt and I fought? Was i that much of a push over that that made it so easy for for him get in my pants? I hear a sigh before his steps receding. I look up seeing Dean steps ahead turning the corner.
As I go to step forward I hear Matt's voice say groggily "we didn't get to finish baby!"
"Shut up." I groan.
••••
I kept my head low and tried to catch up with Dean's footsteps, but I guess he didn't want me near him as he always sped up when he felt be getting closer to him.
I don't get why he's so upset. It was my decision. I didn't ask him to be there, but what he said has also been on my mind for a while. He said everything Matt told me and he wasn't even there. I don't even know why I slept with Matt. After everything after what he did out there and I still...forgave him?
I'm not sure anymore if I forgave him or I forced my self to forgive him. Did I even forgive him?
I let out a sigh, to no reaction of Dean of course. We were nearing the lockeroom.
Dean opened the door and if I didn't stop it will my hands I'd receive a face full of door.
I stepped inside and for the first time I felt awkward. Roman and Seth were in conversation stopped at Dean's bursting through the door and almost slamming it in my face. They both looked at me with confused expressions. I couldn't look back at them in the eye. I felt like if this was how I was supposed to feel when I first started here, when I was first added to the Shield. I would've been very awkward that night but I was heated and angry and now, I feel weak and ashamed.
Dean went over to his bag, opening it and pulling out a bottle of vodka. He opened it and took a swing of it. He hissed at the sting of the beverage burning done his throat, "Ah yes boys our resident whore returns." He said.
"I am not a whore." I reply instantly a glare being casted upon him.
"Oh really? Cause fucking your ex in a closet makes you one tutts." He answers taking another swing.
"Really Alex, your ex?" Seth states looking at me.
"Can you not speak right now?" I ask, he brings his lips in a thin line an shake his head, disappointment on his face.
"Why is whore to much of a strong word for you? Would you prefer slut, naughty girl, bitch, hoe instead hmm?" He asks condescendingly.
"Can you stop, what I did with my body is my decision not yours so you can fuck off with trying to shame me for it." I snap. "Which by the way, is something you can't do considering if you got the chance you'd fuck just about any girl on the planet."
"I wouldn't fuck you, whore." He retorts.
I scoff, "Oh of course I forgot you only fuck the ugly ones."
"Oh thats the best you can do princess, or are you gonna start going bat shit crazy and beat me up like your mother." He states.
"I did it before." I reply.
"Yeah but I never loved you, but i guess neither did she anyway, and what about your daddy issues, does that make you the whore you are?"
"Dean quit it." Roman growls.
"Yeah I think you guys should stop." Seth adds.
"No, you wanna hit below the belt. Fine. My mom may not be proud of me or love me but atleast she wasn't some druggie who wound up in rehab." I spit staring him in the eye.
"And since we're on the topic of family, since you love it so much right? Especially yours? Right? Where's your dad Dean?" I ask.
I start walking towards him, as I stand right infront him he takes another swing of his vodka. "Hmm? Did you forget, or did you think I didn't know he's in prison."
"So let's get your story straight, your mom druggie in rehab couldn't take care of her kid, she was a push over, let your dad beat her ass until he wound up in jail-" I notice his hand grip the bottle tightly. "And what about you, your obnoxious, annoying, self absorbed, and all around a complete asshole. The list goes on Dean."
"Okay Alex I think you've said enough." Seth warns, but i didn't listen.
"And you know what? You think you're so high and mighty with your title and the fact that a bunch of bitch ass fans will kiss your feet, you think you've reached somewhere in life. So you can say what you want about my family, but without us you would be nothing, not a successful wrestler, not a champion, not a celebrity, not even relevant, nothing. And you'd be failure. Just like the both of your parents."
Before I can breathe I am pinned to the wall with Dean's hand around my throat.
"DEAN!" Roman shouts but Dean pushes him down, still holding me.
I gasp trying to get air but his grip only tightens. "You think you've got my story right huh?" He said. My lungs are burning, longing for air to reach them. I hold onto his wrist in attempt to pry it off but nothing works.
"You are nothing to Alex, you are just like your fucking family, and I don't even wanna fucking see you again, you can fuck your disgusting ass boyfriend and deal with the fucking consequences but don't you ever! Talk about my mother again, do you understand me!" He shouts in my face.
Tears form in my eyes as my head feels like it's about to explode. "I said." He comes closer to my face. "Do. You. Understand."
"Yes." It comes out raspy, I am crying and I feel like I'm about to pass out. His large hands covering my entire neck, pinning my small frame to the wall, I feel his nails dug into my skin and the tension as he squeezed tighter.
He let me go. I fall do the ground, my body going limp under me. Coughing and crying as I gasp trying to breathe. My breath is uneven and it's becoming harder to control by the minute.
The door slams and I see Roman and Seth both looking at me sympatheticly. They didn't move, they didn't speak.
They did nothing.
A knock on the door sounds. "Alex you're up." A producer says from the other side.
"O-okay!" I shout back my voice breaking half way.
I get up, feeling the eyes and Roman and Seth on me. I grab my bag and step into the bathroom.
Pull it together Alex. You have to do this. Go out there and fight.
I stare myself in the mirror repeating those words in my head.
Tears still falling as I put a smile on my face.
Reaching in my bag I grab a tissue wipe my tears. As I do I check my neck, red marks forming on then, as thick as his fingers and the size of his hand. I immediately get my foundation, putting as much as it can cover it looks slightly weird but I'm hoping no one notices.
I step outside again and immediately go to the door. Roman and Seth I don't think have spoken. I didn't look at them, I didn't hear them. But I'm sure they can hear my heart pounding I my chest and the heavy feeling on my back, and feel the pain in my neck.
They looked at me but they didn't do anything. So i opened the door and I left.
Onscreen:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we are back on Friday Night Smackdown!" Micheal exclaims.
"As you can see Alex is already in the ring one on one action with her mother Stephanie McMahon. Earlier today, Jerry tried to have a discussion between the two which didn't go to well take a look." He instructs.
On the monitor a replay of what happened earlier with my mom and Matt played in short clips.
"And because of that this match will be taking place tonight." Micheal finishes.
"I can't wait for Stephanie to show this child who is the boss of WWE once and for all." JBL says.
Style and Grace
I'm never gonna be done
Lean on it
Now Welcome to the Queendom
Stephanie's theme song began and she cam walking out in her same attire from earlier, I look at her with a fierce look, daring her to come down here.
"Look, Alex, as much as I would've loved to have beaten u tonight, it looks like we're gonna have to wait till Hell in the Cell on Sunday after all." She says.
"That is if you make it to Hell in the Cell given your action earlier tonight." She says look back up at the monitor.
I look up seeing the moment that I slapped Matt.
"You see Alex, hang on a second, hang out right there because it seems as though Matt Davis, your ex boyfriend," she emphasises who he was.
I slide our the ring towards her as she continues. "Well he's decided to press charges."
Confusion spreads across my face as the crowd boos and I step closer. "What?"
That's when I notice the police officers making their way towards me and Matt walking behind them a proud grin on his face.
"What? Why are you cuffing me?" I ask the officer only to be ignored.
"This is brilliant!" JBL praises.
Stephanie stands on ramp watching me with a patronizing smile. One of the officers starts to read out my rights to me as I try to explain what happened and plead my innocence, fear over coming me. I was going to prison. My heart beat start rising and my hands begins shaking even though they are behind my back.
The officers begins carrying me up the right and i make eye contact with Matt, seeing the grin on his face. Tears form in my eyes as my anxiety and panic of situation continues rising.
Dean was right. I was used. And now I'm being left to go to prison, alone and afraid. I guess this is the consequences of my actions.