TW// mentions suicide
"Kian no!"
A deafening tire screech filled the silent atmosphere. Kian's neck jolted forward as the car abruptly halted. A sharp gasp slipped through his vocal cords. His eyes glided towards the battery that glowed red.
Who would've guessed that a dead battery would spare his life?
"Fuck!" He struck his palm down onto the steering wheel. He clamped his eyes shut as hot tears swam on his lower eyelid. His hyperventilation worsened over time.
His ruthless assault on the steering wheel continues like a kid having a tantrum.
"Kian," Madison called out.
Kian yanked the door open, sending his body tumbling to the pavement. He hunched over on his hands and knees while guttural wails tore out his throat. The snot free fell onto his hands, along with the never-ending tears.
Madison opened her mouth to speak but found herself projecting air. What could she even say? She had just witnessed her boyfriend nearly take his own life. Her mind drew blanks from the sheer shock of the situation.
Kian's arms shook relentlessly, causing him to plunge onto his elbows. "Madison, I can't. I- I can't do it. I was trying to prove a point, and I was going to brake, but I hesitated. Why did I hesitate?" His voice cracked.
"I don't want to be here if this is how the rest of my existence will be. One minute I'm off the walls manic, and the next, I'm numb from any emotion. How many times is this going to happen? How long will I have to suffer? I feel like I'm going crazy, Madison."
Madison could tell he'd been suppressing this meltdown for years. It broke her heart to think he wasn't comfortable enough to share this with anyone.
Boy, did Riker Chandler do a number on his son.
Growing up in a household where the men couldn't emote healthily messed with Kian's mind. Being programmed to think that crying was wrong forced him to suffer in silence. Holding it in for so long exacerbated the situation until he reached his breaking point.
Kian didn't have to say much to Madison. His body language told her. She'd seen many movies and shows and come across many life experiences, but she'd never heard someone cry as hard as Kian did that night. It moved her in a way that led her to think differently of Kian.
"I can't imagine what you're going through. All I know is that you've suppressed this for a long time and didn't get the help you deserved. I'm with you, even if you don't want me to be."
With Kian's head on her lap, drowning her sweatpants with tears, Madison pulled her phone out of her sweater and dialed the other person she could think of to help.
"Hi Madison. How are you?"
Madison peered down as Kian floated into a deep slumber. "Not great. Kian just attempted,"
"Oh dear," Samar gasped. "Are you with him right now?"
"Yeah, he's fallen asleep. I usually know what to do when Kian is in an episode, but this episode is way more intense than I thought it was. It seems like each day it gets worse and worse, and I..." Madison's voice wavered as the familiar sting struck her eyes. "I don't know how to make him feel better."
"Madison, sweetie, as much as he might love you, it is not your responsibility to make him feel better. He must do that on his own. Codependency isn't healthy, especially when your partner has a mental illness. If it gets to the point where you have to be there to make him happy, that tells me that the relationship is at risk."
"I just want him to be okay again," she wept.
"He will. You can help him get there, but for you to be the sole reason he gets better isn't ideal." Samar responded. "Here's what you need to do. You're going to take him to the mental hospital he previously stayed at. Kian told me his stay there wasn't so bad, so he'll most likely go voluntarily. The staff will take it from there. Remember, Madison, your mental health is just as important. Reach out if you need anything."
"Thank you, Dr. Jamil," Madison replied before ending the call. She gazed at Kian's tear-stained cheeks and the stress lines etched on his face.
She wouldn't wish the torment of mental illness on anybody. Having experienced it herself and now having to witness Kian battle with his own troubled her tremendously.
Dialing the one person she had in mind, she waited for the call to go through. "Hey, Mads, what's up?" Dominic answered.
"Kian just attempted. I need your help to carry him to the car. He's knocked out right now."
"Hold on. Kian did what now? Are you serious?"
"I'm deadly serious. His friends are busy with the whole Twitter situation, and you're the only one I can think of. I just sent you our location. How fast can you make it out here?"
"I'll be there in ten." He rushed out.
Just as he said, Dominic came barreling down the street with a duffle bag packed with clothes, Kian's favorite books, and all his prescribed medication. He scooped Kian up and placed him in the backseat of Madison's rented Range Rover.
After a short-lived silence, Dominic looked over at Madison, who was fiddling with the rings on her fingers. "I'm sorry about what happened two weeks ago. I shouldn't have caused a scene."
Though Madison could hear the sincerity of Dominic's words, it was difficult to believe it when his face was as blank as a sheet of paper and his voice still brooding and deep.
It fascinated her how differently both the brothers reacted to their upbringing. Kian was more open despite being tortured by his dad. He was always eager to make new friends and meet new people. He appeared to be candid about everything except his mental health. Dominic was more reserved and isolated, keeping only a small group of close friends and only trusting people once they earned that trust.
She couldn't help but wonder how things would have unfolded if Kian had adopted his brother's outlook on life.
"Do you have any advice?" Dominic suddenly asked, raising an eyebrow from Madison. "Kian told me your parents divorced when you were young. Even though my dad's a piece of crap, it still hurts, you know?"
"It was different for me because I was only seven years old when my parents divorced. I didn't know much, but I did know that my parents weren't compatible, and it made sense for them to be apart. For you, it's another story. You know everything about your parents now that Kian exposed what your dad did all those years ago. The good, the bad, and the ugly. The way it ended is tragic. Having been cheated on before, I know it's one of the worst feelings ever. Check in with your mom and make sure she's doing okay. Even if you can't handle being with your dad, make sure somebody is checking up on him, too. He could be hurting too."
Dominic knew many things, but he could never comprehend the depths of Madison's kind heart. He'd seen how Riker spouted sexist things to Madison's face, yet she still harbored a meager sympathy for the man.
"Things are going to be different, but it looks like the split needed to happen if your dad is a dishonest partner. There will be changes, but you don't seem like the type to be afraid of changes. You packed up and moved to Houston by yourself. The first few months will be rocky, but it will even out, eventually."
After they pulled into the hospital's parking lot, Madison opened the backseat door and shook Kian awake. "We're here, Panda."
Kian walked through the massive Victorian doors and stood at the front desk. "Hey, uh, Kian Chandler, checking myself in."
The receptionist presented a comforting smile. "Hello, Mr. Chandler. Welcome back."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Andrew took a seat at the meeting table. "This is Zeke, the director of public relations. He'll be here in place for Beth."
"Good morning, gentlemen. As you know, yesterday our publicity department went into a crisis. Your bandmate Kian couldn't be here today. He's currently receiving treatment. Now with that being said, Javier, you also posted on Instagram. This post added more fuel to the fire and, quite frankly, induced more stress for the response team."
Javier lowered his gaze, picking at his fingernails. "I'm sorry," he muttered.
Zaire knit his eyebrows, looking over at Andrew in bafflement and astonishment. When Andrew kept his mouth shut, Zaire shook his head.
"Next time, please contact us before you decide to post these types of things," Zeke continued.
"No, screw that," Zaire spoke up. "Javier struggled with his sexuality for years. It took him a long time to find the courage to tell the world. It was still necessary to happen despite the timing not being ideal. Let's not portray it as if Javier committed some terrible offense by embracing his identity."
"His actions contributed to a more prominent outrage. We could've decreased the impact sooner if he hadn't posted that picture."
"How about you do the job you're being paid for and plan a response? Kian tweeted those things when he was eleven years old. The internet isn't that dense to stay enraged at something a person tweeted when they were a child. You've dealt with situations like this before, which means you know that if a person can apologize and prove they aren't the person they were back then, they are back in good graces."
"Zaire—" Andrew cut in.
"We shouldn't have to contact you when we want to post important things. For you to sit here and make Javier regret doing something he was terrified of doing is bullshit. You should've been the one to contact us about the situation. Do you want to know how I found out? A Twitter post from TMZ, hours after Kian was trending. Where were you during that time? Maybe you should've advised Javier to hold off on the post until things settle down."
"It's preposterous that you're trying to make Javier the scapegoat for this unfortunate situation. If anyone is to take accountability for this, it's you for not having a prepared plan in place. Certainly not the person who was uninformed and unaware of what was going on. Don't try to shift the focus onto someone else just because you were caught off guard."
"Do you deny that his post complicated the crisis?"
"No, but—"
"There are no 'buts.' I'm not here to spare anyone's feelings. I'm here to see that this problem is resolved. None of you can be active on social media until we post a statement. That is all," he concluded, walking out of the room with two of his employees.
"This is Ellie's boss? No wonder she's always irritable about work." Nathan thought.
"This is freaking ludicrous. How are they trying to make this seem like Javier is the one to blame for all of this?"
"This is how Zeke operates. He's cutthroat, and he doesn't appreciate people questioning his capabilities. I should've warned you before this conference."
"Isn't there someone else we can speak to about this? He doesn't care about us or our development as a band. I'm positive that he's only in this business for the money. How could you sit there and allow him to say such things?"
"I work for the management company, not the label. Who they assign to you depends on the label's executives and senior employees. He has more authority over me regarding your career."
"Even if he has more power, it doesn't mean he can say such things. As our manager, I expect you to stick up for us when things like this happen. I would jeopardize my career if it meant you were getting mistreated. I think you should do the same for us." Zaire concluded with a shake of his head.
The three band members walked out of the meeting room as Andrew sighed. He'd disappointed his clients and knew what Zaire said was true.
But he had to decide whether the band was worth risking his hard work.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hours later, the PR team issued a formal apology on Kian's behalf. The vast majority of the internet understood the situation and realized that the tweets sprouted from ignorance. But there was still a small portion of Twitter users who remained outraged.
In twelve hours, Kian had lost an accumulated 200,000 followers on Instagram and Twitter. He didn't have to chance to fret about that, though. He was too busy wallowing in self-hatred.
For the past half-hour, two nurses stood outside Kian's door. He could see them whisper and peer at him every couple of minutes, but he unsuccessfully read their lips.
The faint sounds of helicopters drew nearer as Kian stood next to the window to inspect the noise.
Cameras flashed out of the helicopter, causing Kian to shut the blinds hastily. Just as he sat back on his bed, a doctor walked through the door.
"Good morning, Kian." A psychiatrist came in. "I'm Dr. Armani D'Amato. Can you tell me why you're in here today?"
Kian hesitated for a moment, looking down at his hands. "I... I attempted to end my life last night."
"I'm glad you're still with us, Kian. It takes a lot of courage to share something like that. Thank you for being honest. On a scale of one to ten, with one being completely suicidal and ten being in a great mood, how would you rate your current mood?"
Kian sighed, crossing his legs. "I'm at a solid three right now. Last night was the most suicidal I've ever felt in my life. During that time, I had the idea and the nerve to do it, but after seeing how it affected Madison and my brother, I don't think I have the nerve to do it anymore."
"Why did you feel the need to pursue this route?"
Kian chuckled humorlessly, "Honestly, the past month feels like something out of a novel. I feel my mood has been pulled in different directions in twenty days. First, I was bouncing off the walls with a manic episode. I was experiencing paranoia, psychosis, the whole nine yards. That was the first shift, and then I went from that to normal because I blacked out, and I didn't know anything that occurred. From there, I learned what happened, and I went into depression, and I felt numb for a week, but then I felt crippling sadness. It was getting too much for me."
"Your instability frustrated you."
"Yes, I essentially went from manic to stable to numb to depressed. This had been my second cycle in nine months, so I was depleted. Plus, the internet was tearing me apart, and I was so convinced that Madison would leave me. I was already in so much agony and felt like I was losing two things I cared about. I didn't think there was anything left on this earth for me."
"What are you feeling right now?"
"Mostly embarrassed and upset. People I cared about saw me when I was vulnerable. I wouldn't like to be perceived that way."
"As vulnerable?" He asked, causing Kian to nod his head. "Well, why not? What about vulnerability frightens you?"
"It's the thought of being weak that disturbs me. My friends have seen me experience twenty different emotions all in one month. I'm not used to them seeing me that way. It's weird to think about them seeing me when I'm having an episode."
"Therein lies the problem." Armani stated, "Viewing vulnerability as a weakness contributes to mental health problems. Fear of vulnerability only confines you to the numb feeling you despise. I always encourage my patients to embrace their vulnerability, even if it scares them, because doing so could save their life. If you had accepted it and allowed yourself to get help and call your therapist or even allow your friends and brother to see you in that light, you could have limited those thoughts."
"It's not that simple,"
"It surely is not, but working with your therapist to get to that point where you're comfortable being in that headspace is worthwhile. That's something on which we will work. I'll see you tomorrow, Kian." Armani said before a nurse came in.
"Hello, Kian. Lunch is available for you." She sweetly smiled.
Kian walked to the cafeteria and got his tray. The lunch options weren't terrible, but they weren't the fast food Kian had grown accustomed to. He craved Taco Bell and Chipotle but only received a simple burrito. He was grateful for it, knowing the food in other places was far worse.
He looked over at the guy next to him drawing a detailed portrait of Gaara on a notepad.
"That's a great drawing," Kian called out.
The guy looked up and gave an appreciative smile. "Thank you. This is all I can do here since they've literally taken away everything I cherish. I'm surprised they haven't taken my eyeballs out of my socket. Maybe they'll count that as a weapon next."
Kian chuckled and turned all the way around to face his table. "The shoelaces and the drawstrings are reasonable to confiscate, but I couldn't even bring my pillow. That's crazy." He guffawed. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Kian."
"Is it your first time? Get with the program, little bro," He joked before he stretched his hand out for Kian to shake. "I'm Theo, and you're the guy on the TV." Theo pointed to the screen showcasing the helicopters around the hospital. Almost instantly, a nurse scrambled to change the channel, but Kian had already seen what had happened. "I already know you. I fuck with your music."
"Thank you."
"I know we both want to ask the question, but I'm an asshole, so I'm going to ask it first. Why are you here?"
"You probably saw what happened this week, but I got torched by the internet, and I had a long month, so I attempted." He revealed, his brow furrowed in surprise at Theo's lack of reaction.
Theo laughed at the singer. "My dude, we're both in here. If I gasp every time someone says they tried to kill themselves, I will run out of air," he commented, causing them both to cackle. "I'm used to these things. I've probably heard it all."
"Why are you here?"
"Girlfriend cheated on me. A bunch of my influencer friends turned out to be fake cunts, and my grandma died in one week. All the while this is happening, my dad is begging me to take over the family business. I couldn't handle the pressure, so I tried to..." he held a handgun to his head and pretended to shoot himself. "Gun jammed, but our housecleaner caught me and called my mom. Now I'm here, and they diagnosed me with bipolar one."
"No way, me too, dude." Kian gasped. "Bipolar bros?"
"Bipolar bros," Theo grinned as they high-fived each other. "Gosh, that's so fucking lame."
"I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, man. That had to hurt."
"Yeah. When I had the gun, the only thought in my head was, I have to be with my grandma. Even if I don't make it to where she is, I don't want to be here if she's not with me. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah. You mentioned your dad owning a company. I assume it's a pretty big company if you're staying in a luxury hospital."
"He owns Forbes Tech," Theo answered, watching as Kian's jaw slacked.
"Your dad is Francis Forbes? Isn't he the fifth richest person in the world?"
"Yep. Ranked fifth in wealth and first in shittiest fathers." Theo sardonically smiled.
"My dad takes the cake for that. There's no way your dad's worse than mine."
"Are we going to compete over who had the worst father?" Theo sarcastically spoke. "Has your dad ever abandoned you for Christmas to work?"
"No, but my dad did give me this," Kian said, revealing a long wound that ran from his left clavicle to his right hip. "I was having an episode, and I talked back. He took his belt and hit me as hard as he could. The idiot wasn't holding on tight enough, so the metal on the belt punctured my skin. I didn't even get stitches because he knew he would get questions about how it happened."
"I stand corrected. Your dad reigns supreme as the worst father ever. The scar's badass, though."
"Ladies and gentlemen, please make your way to group therapy," the intercom blared through the speakers, interrupting their conversation.
"Which group are you in?" Theo asked.
"Group B."
"Aw man, I'm in group A. I'll see you around."
They excused themselves with a fist bump and walked to their assigned rooms.
Kian sat in the circle of chairs with a huff. His arms stayed crossed over her chest, and his eyelids hung low.
Sienna, the group discussion leader, took her seat with an appreciative smile. "Hello, it's nice to see you all today. If you didn't already know, my name is Sienna. I'm here to guide this group discussion. We can go around the circle."
Sienna had tanned brown skin, a couple of shades darker than Zaire. Her dyed-brown hair was styled in jumbo box braids to compliment her brown hazel eyes.
The girl next to her spoke up, confidently shared her story and experiences, but Kian found himself tuning most of it out. He focused on the tall trees outside the window and the soothing sound of splashing water in the pool. His mind drifted to thoughts of Madison and the prospect of seeing her once he was out of this place.
Sienna noticed Kian's distant demeanor and observed his closed-off body language. As the fourth person finished sharing, Sienna addressed Kian directly. "Are you ready to share?" she asked.
He snapped out of his daydream and repositioned himself in his chair. "Hi, my name is Kian. I have bipolar disorder, and I attempted last night."
"That's all?"
"Yep." He drew out the word. "There's nothing else to tell."
"You are the last person to speak. You have all the time to share, Kian," Sienna encouraged.
"I know that, but there's nothing for me to say. My bipolar resulted in a depressive episode. I reacted terribly, and now I'm here. The end. The greatest book of all time," Kian responded with a touch of sarcasm, evoking giggles from a few others in the group.
"Okay, that's all for today." Sienna politely grinned as the group began to disperse to other activities. "Kian, can I speak to you?"
"Look, I'm sorry that you wanted more out of me but—"
"Why do you hold yourself back, Kian?" Sienna interrupted, her tone gentle yet probing.
Kian laughed uncomfortably. "What are you talking about?"
"Why do you choose to obstruct the healing process by rejecting emotional intimacy?"
"I don't believe I'm doing that, ma'am," Kian replied, crossing his hands behind his back.
"I've worked here for three years. I've seen people come and go. I've witnessed people come here and fix themselves to go on and do great things, and I've also seen people come here and do worse when they leave. I've noticed that the people who come here and bullshit always end up back here. The point is, you can't fool me," she said, watching Kian's tough exterior crumble.
"I know coming here and sharing your story isn't easy, but refusing to try at all is the worst form of self-sabotage. I'm not asking for you to tell all your deepest darkest secrets, but a little more effort is all I'm asking for. Whatever you're trying to accomplish with this tough guy persona will not benefit you in any way. So you can either put in the work to get better or waste your time and stay here longer than you need to. It's your choice," Sienna finished with a curt grin and a pat on the back.
From there, he was stuck at a crossroads with the testing choice between conquering his fear of vulnerability or allowing intimacy to heal.
Problem was, he couldn't tell which one was more important to him.
-
Bryce Mckenzie as Theodore Forbes
Did I forget to post this during spring break? Yes, do I feel bad about it? Yes, will I post a second time on Saturday to make up for it? Also yes. I'm trying to have a consistent update day on Friday, but editing takes hours for me so bear with me.
I don't want to give too much away but this chapter features an event that jumpstarts another plot 😉. As you can see a new character was introduced, he will stay even after Kian leaves the hospital. Next up, the guys react to troubling news and Kian experiences sleep complications.
If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to message me and I'll try my hardest to message you back as soon as possible.
Most importantly don't forget to smile at someone today, it might make them happy.
Stay Safe, Stay Pure, Stay Blessed.
xoxo BabyDoucheBag