I think I fell asleep for a while though it hadn’t been my intention. When I woke, I could tell it was dark outside, early evening probably. I glanced at my phone for the time and didn’t bother opening Remi’s twenty or so messages. She’d called me a bunch too but I was too sleepy to bother calling back.
It felt colder than earlier so I decided to go find some kind of blanket. I didn’t want to sleep on the beds as we didn’t have any un-dusty sheets but I was sure I saw a few old, knitted throws upstairs in one of the cupboards. It would do for tonight.
As I walked through into the hall, I almost jumped in surprise as I heard a knock from the front door. Who in the hell was that? No-one knew I was here.
Actually, it could be that gardener guy. Maybe he lived nearby and saw the lights on. Or perhaps it was an axe murderer. It’d be great if the door had a peephole so I could see whether I was about to be killed or not but these old barn houses tended to not have small luxuries like that.
Frowning, I crossed the short distance to the front door and braced myself as I turned the lock and yanked it open. Apparently, I didn’t brace myself quiet enough, though, because it suddenly felt like I’d walked into a solid, iron wall.
It couldn’t be.
But how could it be anyone else? No-one looked like her. No-one else had those eyes, that hair. She was instantly recognisable even in a crowded room, hell a busy airport.
Raegan.
Standing right there in the flesh and blood and staring at me like I was the one who'd appeared out of nowhere.
Had I been asleep too long and began seeing things? It just wasn’t possible. Nope.
As I was having an internal battle with myself, my heart began racing in my chest as I looked out at her on the doorstep. She was staring right back at me and was apparently just as lost for words.
But if she was here, as in physically, really here, then that meant... meant she was alive and...
‘You’re-’ I began before breaking off. My mouth was too dry to even speak. It hadn’t been that dry before. It’s like my own body was betraying me. How could I have so many thoughts but so little words?
‘Hey,’ Raegan said before closing her mouth again with the tiniest of winces.
Her voice. I definitely wouldn’t be able to imagine her voice this clearly. It was right there in my ears. Then again maybe I’d just lost my mind. Crazy people heard voices. At least that's what they said in the movies.
‘Raegan,’ I said, surprised my voice didn’t break. I’d tried not to think about her name let alone say it out loud. It had been too long. ‘You’re here? Am I hallucinating?’ I asked myself, not realising I’d spoken out loud until I got a reply.
‘Unfortunately, for you, no. You’re not hallucinating,’ Raegan said quietly.
I hadn’t realised it but my fingers were biting into the door tightly and I had to force myself to loosen my hold else I'd have a handful of splinters.
This was most definitely real. I don’t know how it was possible but she was right here. After weeks of being gone, disappearing without a second thought, here she was right in front of me. I’d spent nearly every waking minute wanting to see her again and now that she was right here in front of me, I had no idea what to say.
Mind blank.
‘Why are you here?’ I managed to get out, straightening up now. My sleepiness seemed to disappear in an instant.
She looked down before replying unable to meet my eyes. It reminded me of the day before she told me everything. She hadn't been able to look at me then either. Was it shame? Sadness?
‘I’ve got to explain a few things,’ she said softly.
‘Why now?’ I blurted out, mind racing now. I was panicking. God, what else did she need to tell me? What else could possibly go wrong? ‘Why not weeks ago? Why not explain everything then? You know, instead of taking off!’
Oh no, no, no. Why was I getting mad? I should be happy not mad. I should be rejoicing that she’d finally come back that, after all of weeks of searching, I’d found her at long last. But she couldn’t just come in and out of my life when she felt like it. Didn’t she understand how much that messed with my head?
Of course, she didn’t. She hadn’t seen what a mess I’d been the past couple weeks without her. She had bigger stuff to worry about that me. She was... dying.
‘I was scared,’ Raegan replied, not flinching away from my questions. Her eyes bore into mine and I had a strange sense of clarity. I knew this time she wouldn’t dodge my questions; she’d stay if I wanted her to.
I couldn’t let her go again.
‘Come inside,’ I said, shoving myself away from the entrance and giving her room to make the decision.
My heart was still rocketing around in my chest as I reached the living room door and glanced back. She looked the same as ever but also a little different. Thinner I guess, but it wasn’t the right word. Maybe frailer was a better word. Worn out. I didn’t like it. It meant she’d been worrying. I guess it was impossible not to worry. How could I even begin to fathom the amount of stress she must be feeling?
She caught me staring at her and I jerked backwards into the living room feeling self conscious for some reason. Or nervous. I forgot how to act around her. I didn’t know how to act around her now. It wasn’t the same as before. She knew I loved her and I knew now that she didn’t have time to even think about stuff like that. For once, we were both equally knowledgeable.
Just to have something to do, I strode across the room and yanked the curtains closed. It was hardly necessary as no-one was around but it did feel odd having the curtains open at night.
When that was done, I had nothing else to do but turn and look back at her once more. Last time I’d seen her she’d given me the coldest look I’d ever known. Now it was a complete one-eighty and the look she was giving me made my stomach tie itself in knots. What the hell was I supposed to think now?
‘You look... Good,’ I forced myself to say. ‘I didn’t think...’
I tried not to think about what she would look like in the last few weeks of her life. When she’d been in Richmond, she’d seemed perfectly healthy but I’d seen pictures of how sick people got, whether from the harsh medical treatment or the cancer itself and... she didn’t look bad at all. Much the same actually. Just paler, darker circles under her eyes. She’d always had trouble sleeping on her own.
‘Really?’ Raegan asked, forcing some brightness into her tone. ‘Everyone’s been telling me I look like shit,’ she said crossing her arms in front of her nervously. ‘I certainly feel like shit.’
She walked into the centre of the room before redirecting herself towards the fireplace to look at her reflection in the mirror. I edged a few steps closer, giving in just a little to the usual pull she had on me.
‘Why did you run?’ I asked, feeling my chest tighten as she turned to face me.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, eyes wide. ‘I felt terrible-’
‘So did I,’ I couldn’t help but interrupt harsher than I meant to.
She closed her eyes briefly before looking back up.
‘I hurt you. I wanted you to hate me,’ Raegan murmured. ‘I needed you to hate me.’
I just didn’t understand.
‘Why?’
‘Bradley,’ she said, making me swallow past the lump that had formed in my throat. ‘I thought it'd be easier on you if you hated me. I couldn’t... when I came to Richmond it- it wasn’t meant to go that far,’ she explained, taking a deep breath. ‘I came to escape my shitty life back home. I didn’t mean for anyone to care about me. You weren’t supposed to-’
‘Yeah, well, I can’t help the way I feel about you,’ I snapped.
Did she think it was like a switch I could turn on an off? Or that she could just come into my life and expect me to feel nothing?
‘I wasn’t blaming you!’ Raegan exclaimed, taking a step towards me. ‘I’m blaming myself. I’m a fucking selfish person, Bradley – haven’t you worked that out by now?’
I blinked like an owl in surprise at her sudden attack on herself and automatically opened my mouth to disagree but she went on before I could get so much as a word out.
‘I should have left a long time about but I didn’t. I stuck around because... because I met you and the others and I was actually happy for once. And... all I did was hurt you in the end,’ she said, finishing in a whisper.
I wanted to tuck her under my arm and pull her in for a hug but I didn’t think she’d let me.
‘You shouldn’t have left,’ I disagreed quietly, closing the distance even more. ‘I could’ve helped you, I could’ve-’
There wasn’t much I could do but I would have tried all I could. I would have stayed by her side and been there for her at the very least. There was still time.
‘Anyway,’ Raegan said, forcing toughness in her voice once more. I frowned at her change of heart. ‘I know this is going to sound really fucked up but you’ve got to hear it.’
‘Think I’m used to fucked up by now,’ I muttered but inside I was slowly filling with dread again. What else could possibly go wrong? What more fucked up shit could happen than already had?
‘Honestly, there’s fucked up and then there’s this.’
‘Don’t keep me hanging.’
‘Okay,’ she said, taking another long breath. ‘After I got home, I had to do a load more tests, uh brain scans and whatnot at the hospital. They keep track of how bad it’s getting or if it’s regressing,’ she explained. ‘They take ages to get results back, though, sometimes like a week, I didn’t know why they were so backlogged but well, you’ll see.’
I nodded along, hoping that it was leading somewhere good but from what little she’d said before and from what I’d learned online, there hadn’t been much hope at all in her case. Terminal, wasn’t that what she’d said?
‘So then after like days and days of waiting they finally give me the results except it’s not right, or well, it was right, the first time wasn’t right-’ she broke off, shaking her head. ‘The scans were switched the first time,’ she said, pacing now. ‘And... and in the new ones – the ones that actually belonged to my brain - there was nothing, fucking nothing...’
‘Wait,’ I burst out, a sharp stab of adrenaline going through me as I finally put together what she was getting at. ‘Wait... are you telling me...’
‘I don’t have cancer,’ Raegan clarified, looking up at me as my eyes widened into saucers. ‘I don’t have it, I never had it. He was trying to score pain meds the whole damn time. He-’
I didn’t let her finish. I couldn’t let her finish. I had no words left inside me to convey what I’d just felt. It was like... it was like someone coming back from the dead. It was like your whole body was filled with nothing but pain and then suddenly it was gone and you had room to feel other things again.
I grabbed her before she had a chance to finish and hugged her hard against my chest. It felt good, touching her again, feeling her warm and alive against me. And I’d forgotten her familiar smell, it had long since faded off any of my hoodys.
‘Just so you know,’ I murmured against her hair. ‘I’m still really angry at you.’ I released her quickly so I could look down at her. ‘But I’m happy for you, Raegan.’
Happy didn’t quite cover what I was feeling. I don’t think any word did. I could have cried with relief. But at the same time, I still felt like something was disjointed between us. She didn't seem as happy as she should be either. If I'd just found out I wasn't dying, I'd be fucking ecstatic.
‘Me too,’ she agreed, not smiling. ‘It changes everything.’
I couldn’t even imagine how it felt being told you were going to die. Having your whole life taken away but then given it back like it had all been a joke. Maybe she was still processing it. Why did she look so damn sad?
She took a step closer to me hesitantly and I stayed perfectly still like she was an easily startled animal who I didn’t want to frighten off.
‘I know... I know you probably want me to go-’ Raegan began.
‘Go?’ I demanded. ‘You just got here; I don’t want you to go.’
I hadn’t even begun to work out what I was feeling right now but I knew for certain I didn’t want her to leave anytime soon. I couldn’t even deal with what was happening. It wouldn't compute in my brain.
She wasn’t going to die.
‘Can you just... ugh,’ Raegan said, making a frustrated noise before practically yanking her hair out. ‘Can you just shout at me? Or just call me any name under the sun?’ she demanded.
I frowned, not understanding why she would want me to do that. She was hard to read again. I was out of practice.
‘You’re still mad but you’re not acting it, I can’t stand it!’ she explained seeing my expression. She stepped forward again and grabbed the front of my shirt. ‘Please, just say what you really want to say,’ she whispered.
Jeez. Where to begin? I still love you? I can never unlove you? I don’t know. I’m glad you’re not going to die. I think I already said that. There was too much.
‘Raegan...’
I touched her cheek gently trying to remember when the last time I did that was. It felt weird going from not seeing her at all to having her right here in front of me.
‘Don’t,’ she said, pulling away as I grazed her cheek with my thumb. ‘Don’t be so nice to me.’
What did she think? That she deserved to be screamed and yelled at? I’m pretty sure I did enough of that last time. I don’t know why my initial reaction was to go crazy at her but then again she had been hiding an insane secret from me the whole time and pretending everything was all right. It may have be justified if only a little.
‘I cant help it,’ I said, reaching for her again. She was so close yet still so far away. I wanted everything to go back to how it was before. Couldn't we just-
She took a step away and I all but grimaced recalling how she used to do that all the time when she was putting her walls up.
‘Okay then,’ I said, taking a breath. I guess she just wanted to air everything out. I suppose it was the right thing to do. If we wanted things to go back to the way they were then it would be impossible if we were holding things against each other.
‘I’m pissed off at you for not telling me what you were going through. You know I would have been there for you... even if it doesn’t even matter now,’ I trailed off. ‘And,’ I said, glaring now. ‘I’m pissed that you just fucking left! You didn’t even say goodbye, you just left me there.’
‘Keep going,’ she said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself as she watched me.
‘You dumped all that stuff on me and then you said I didn’t even know you at all! You made me feel like a fucking idiot!’ And not the good kind. I took another breath and forced myself to say the next part. ‘I told you I loved you and you didn’t care.’
Now that she wasn’t actually dying, I think that part hurt the most. I was crazy for her and, even though I suppose I told her at a very inconvenient time, she didn’t exactly handle it very well. I had no idea how she really felt but it definitely wasn’t the bullshit line she gave me about me not even knowing her. She wouldn’t string me along. I did know her and she wouldn’t do that.
I turned away then, rubbing the edge of my jaw as I thought. Now that I’d gotten it all off my chest, I felt somewhat at ease. Not completely – I was still trying to soak in all of what she’d just told me – but I didn’t feel so pent up anymore. I hadn’t spoken to anyone properly since she’d left. Stupid really. But no-one else would understand the way she did. She always did.
‘But,’ I added when she remained silent. ‘The worst part is you came here today and it doesn’t even matter.’
‘What doesn’t?’ Raegan asked finally, voice barely audible.
‘Any of it,’ I shrugged. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and look at her while I said this. Maybe because I’d already said it once before and didn’t exactly get a positive response. ‘I love you too much to even care what pain you put me through,’ I said truthfully. ‘And I’m just so happy that you’re going to live that I don’t even care if you don’t love me back. I just want you to be happy.’
Well, all my cards were out there now. I’m not sure why she came back or if she was planning to even stick around but I wanted her to know that I still felt the same. It was a hard thing to say but I still wanted her around even if she didn’t want to be with me. It was better than the last couple weeks of suffering I’d had to endure. Anything was better than that-
I froze as I felt her arms wind around my waist from behind and tighten until she was pressed against my back. She wasn’t making any noise but I could feel her crying silently and there was a small wet patch forming on my shirt from where her face was tucked.
Damn it. We really had to stop making each other cry before it became a habit.
I grabbed her arms and loosened her hold slightly so I could turn around and pull her to my chest instead.
‘It’s okay,’ I sighed as she got through the worst of it. I stroked her hair gently as my heart hammered away inside my chest. The circumstances weren’t the best but I really did miss holding her like this. ‘It’s okay.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Raegan managed to get out, sniffling and trying to hold back her harder sobs. ‘I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I’m sorry-’
‘If you apologise one more time, I’m going to throw you in the fire,’ I warned.
‘It’s not even lit,’ she mumbled.
‘There she is,’ I said, finally able to smile slightly at the return of her reliable arguing. ‘Look at you,’ I added, looking down at her and taking her face in my hands. ‘This is the third time I’ve seen you cry now. I thought you were supposed to be all tough, huh?’ I teased as I wiped the tears from her cheeks. ‘You beat me up so much I was sure you were in some kind of gang.’
She managed a laugh at that and my stomach tightened at the sound. We’d been pretty doom and gloom lately but I always found it easy to cheer her up if only fractionally.
‘That’s better,’ I got out, only managing a whisper. ‘I missed you,’ I said as my heart ached in my chest. ‘I missed your laugh and your infuriating jokes. I realised that no-one we hang out with is that funny, you know? No-one can make me laugh like you do. I miss hanging out with you everyday.’
The words didn’t want to stop coming out. But I didn’t care. I missed her so much. More than anyone or anything in the world and that was saying a lot. I’d gotten a glimpse of life without her in it and it sucked. It hurt. I didn’t even want to go through that again.
‘I still want to see you all the time,’ I added, pushing her hair back out of her face so I could look at her properly. ‘Even if you can never love me the way I love you... I still need you with me.’
It would hurt seeing her all the time and knowing I wouldn’t be able to kiss her or tell her I loved her but I’d take it. I’d take anything over never seeing her again. It was unbearable without her. It was-
‘I do love you.’
She said it so quietly I almost didn’t catch it. And when I processed her words, I couldn’t help but smile slightly in disbelief.
‘No,’ Raegan said, catching my expression. ‘Listen... I can’t tell you when it happened – I guess somewhere between wanting to kick your ass or drown you in the ocean,’ she laughed quietly. ‘But you made it so hard not to love you. I tried to stay away but I just couldn’t. I love you so much.’
She’d caught hold of my hands while she was talking. I’d made it easy to do because I could hardly move as she stared up at me with those green eyes of hers.
I could see now. They weren’t kiss me eyes they were I love you eyes. I'd been an idiot. She was right about that.
‘And... and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done walking away from you like that but I knew I had to else I’d just end up hurting you more.’
‘Raegan...’ I said, tightening my hands around her own as I moved closer. It was hard to take in a full breath. I felt like her words were wrapping around me like a cocoon.
‘I missed you so much,’ she added, not letting me continue. She squeezed my hands tightly. ‘I couldn’t even go five minutes without thinking about you. I’m pretty sure I’ve slept for about five hours in total the last couple weeks. I just wanted to curl up in bed with you and watch terrible movies and-’ seemingly overwhelmed, she broke off and just looked up at me for a response.
She loved me.
I was still stuck on that part. In fact, I doubted I'd ever be unstuck.
Raegan had gone from being the most stoic, unrevealing person I’d ever met to someone who’d just served me up their heart on a platter. It was a lot to digest. No pun intended.
But I didn’t care about anything else right now because she loved me.
‘Only you,’ I said, surprised my voice came out steady. ‘Could confess your undying love for me while simultaneously telling me you want to kick my ass.’
She laughed then but instead of joining in I let go of her hands and cupped her face gently, barely able to contain myself. I felt like I was a firework ready to explode.
‘Bradley-’ she began seriously.
‘Raegan,’ I replied teasingly before she could go on. I was feeling all giddy, the sort of mood where anything could make you laugh.
She loved me.
And I also really, really needed to kiss her now.
‘I’m not sure whether to punch you or kiss you right now,’ Raegan mused in response.
‘Don’t worry,’ I replied quietly, leaning down and pressing my forehead against hers. ‘I’m pretty sure.’
And before someone or something could interrupt us for the millionth time, I tucked my hand behind her head at the nape of her neck and kissed her. I always knew kissing her would feel right. Something natural, something which we should have always been doing.
It felt that way too, like I’d already kissed her a thousand times before, like I already knew how her lips would fit against mine and how they would taste. It was not like strawberries, however, but I wasn’t disappointed. She was better than strawberries. Better than anything.
She was so warm and full of life and she wasn’t dying – not anytime soon. And I loved her and she’d come back for me. I’d been looking for her for so long and she’d somehow found me in an instant.
‘You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,’ I murmured a breath away from her lips.
‘Trust me,’ Raegan replied, leaning up. ‘I do.’
And then she kissed me and I forgot how to do anything for a while except kiss her back. If my sole purpose in life was just to kiss her from now on, I’d be okay with it. More than okay.
Her lips were soft against mine but purposeful. I’d always known her to be quite indecisive, unsure what she wanted – understandably she had to hold back last month. Now she didn’t bother, she was kissing me like she loved me and I just wanted more and more and more.
When we finally broke apart, she smiled up at me drawing one from myself.
‘You look cute with pink cheeks,’ I murmured, tracing her jaw with my finger. I couldn't look away from her.
She grinned at that and kissed the tip of my nose before I could register it then followed it with a quick pinch of my cheek.
‘Not sure if this ever came up in conversation before but you’re fucking hot. Just thought I’d let you know,’ Raegan announced abruptly making me burst into laughter.
‘And you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.’
That had definitely come up in conversation before.
‘You say things so nicely. You make me sound like a cave person in comparison,’ Raegan complained.
‘I love that about you,’ I said, tucking some hair away behind her ear. I wanted nothing in the way of her face. Full access to kisses.
‘You love that I’m practically a cave person?’ she asked doubtfully.
‘No,’ I laughed. ‘There’s no bullshit in the way you talk. You’re quite direct, you know.’
Hopefully more so now that she had nothing to hide.
‘Idiot,’ Raegan said with a small smile.
‘Is it weird that I missed you calling me that?’ I asked. I'd grown quite fond of the nickname over the last month or so.
‘No,’ she said, smile widening as she slid her arms up around my neck. ‘Want to hear something weird?’
‘Always.’
‘I saw this girl from my school at the mall today and as she was talking to me, I just suddenly told her to fuck off halfway through,’ Raegan told me, frowning.
‘Still waiting for the weirdness...’ I said when I realised she wasn’t going to continue. To be honest, it sounded like a Raegan thing to do. She didn’t exactly take shit from anyone.
‘Asshole!’ she laughed, making me smirk down at her as she somewhat proved my point.
‘I can relate,’ I said, catching her hand and pulling her with me over to the couch I’d been napping on not half an hour ago. I sat and yanked her down with me onto my lap. ‘I wasn’t in the best of moods myself the past couple of weeks. I’m afraid I’ve become quite reliant on you for entertainment.’
‘Did you tell the others?’ Raegan asked after a pause. She brushed the hair back off my forehead gently when I didn’t respond straight away. It wasn’t my fault her mere presence was distracting. If I’d wanted to talk, having her on top of me had not been the greatest of ideas.
‘I didn’t tell them,’ I said hesitantly, knowing she wouldn’t like it.
‘You should have,’ she tutted, looking sad. She pressed a kiss to one of my cheeks and added, ‘You can’t push your friends away like that.’
‘Coming from you?’
She pulled a face.
‘I hate all my friends back home. You and the others are my only friends now. And I wasn’t ever supposed to even become friends with you. I’m not good at sticking to plans apparently,’ she said, almost talking to herself.
‘I’m glad,’ I replied.
It was difficult to even force myself to talk what with her being all sweet. I was so used to her holding back from me – except when we were sleeping, she seemed to get quite handsy whenever we slept together. So, now when she kept touching my face and kissing me it was officially testing my patience.
‘Me too,’ she agreed, kissing my forehead now.
‘You’re driving me crazy doing that.’
‘Doing what?’ she asked, feigning innocence.
‘You know what-’ I began but she cut me off, finally kissing me on the lips again.
It was going to be impossible from now on, wasn’t it? If I was distracted by her before, I was totally screwed now. Was I supposed to go about my normal day and not think about kissing her twenty-four seven? How was that going to work?
I didn’t care.
Instead, I tightened my hold on her legs and pulled her closer, as close as I could get her. She was still wearing the jacket she’d came in, though, and it was kind of puffy and getting in the way. I just saw her reach for the zipper on it as I kissed her hungrily but she froze on top of me.
‘Oh fuck!’ Raegan said, yanking her face away from mine with wide eyes. ‘Oh my god!’
‘I know I’m good at kissing but-’
‘Shut up,’ she laughed, silencing me with her mouth before scrambling to her feet and heading towards the door. I jumped up and hurried after her with a frown. When Raegan started running, I think it was best to stay hot on her heels.
‘What is it?’ I asked, watching her yank her sneakers on.
‘I abandoned my mom at the mall! Like seven hours ago...’
I groaned. Who on earth forgot their mom at the mall? She must have dropped everything in an instant to come here. It was actually very sweet. I wonder what triggered her change of heart. What made her come back?
‘Just grabbing my phone from the car!’ she called over her shoulder, heading for the front door.
I retreated back to the couch and realised I had a stupid grin plastered with permanent glue on my face. Too much had happened too quickly and I felt a little delirious. Good delirious.
Raegan wasn’t dying. Raegan was alive and well. And here. And she loved me. And-
‘She pissed off?’ I asked, looking up as Raegan re-entered the room, now with her phone in hand.
‘Super,’ she nodded, tossing her phone on the coffee table carelessly. ‘I think I’ll have to bring you around to meet her as soon as possible. She won’t be able to resist your charm.’
The thought of meeting the woman who gave birth to her was rather daunting. I’d never really met the parents of anyone I was dating before. In Richmond, everyone pretty much knew of each other so introductions weren’t necessary. Best to worry about that later.
‘You tell her about me?’ I asked curiously.
I’d tried to avoid talking about her at all costs. I got the feeling she did the same.
‘No,’ she said with a rueful smile, confirming my suspicions. ‘I, uh didn’t really talk all that much when I went home. Lay down,’ she added before I could talk. ‘I want to snuggle.’
‘Forgot how bossy you are when you’re tired,’ I snorted, allowing myself to slide down. I tucked one of the couch cushions under my head and attempted to fluff it up. They were extremely flat.
‘I don’t think I’ve slept properly for two months,’ Raegan admitted, getting rid of her interfering jacket. ‘Actually, I always slept quite soundly in your bed.’
‘I did too.’ I moved over to give her space to lay down – not a lot of space but just about enough. ‘Only when you were there- hey!’
Instead of taking said space, she ignored it entirely and jumped on me, tucking her head under my chin tightly. She already knew my weaknesses. I was done for.
‘You’re always so warm and cosy, my mattress,’ she mumbled before turning and planting a kiss against my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her tightly. Now she could never leave. Right here is where she belonged. I heard her sigh quietly when I began stroking her hair rhythmically. She always did like that. I didn’t want her to fall asleep though, even if she was tired. I wanted her to stay awake with me so we could talk. We hadn’t just sat and talked for so long. Maybe I was being a teeny bit selfish.
‘You feel better?’ I asked quietly after a few minutes.
She’d been crying her eyes out not long ago. She’d been told she was going to die, then told she was going to live. Her head must be most of a mess than my own. It would probably take a while to get her thoughts straight.
‘I feel like I’m on top of the world,’ she replied brightly. Yeah, I hadn’t been expecting that positive of a response. She crossed her arms on my chest and smiled as she looked down at me. ‘That’s me being cute by the way. My world being you and right now I’m lying on top of you. I can be good with words too Mr Straight A.’
I couldn’t help but laugh at her response. I had no idea how she managed to bounce back so quickly but I was glad she was happy for now.
‘Shit, I really missed you,’ I sighed, trailing my palm down her back. ‘Can you make me one last pinky promise?’
‘What is it?’
‘Promise me you’ll never leave like that again? No matter what,’ I said quietly. ‘Promise you’ll tell me about anything that worries or scares you. And please... Promise me you’ll look after yourself from now on. I need you to sleep and eat. I don’t want you to torture yourself ever again...’
It was a lot to ask from her. But if we were going to do this thing, we had to do it right. I had to know she was going to be okay. That she was going to move on from all the crazy shit that had happened to both of us. I didn’t want us to argue about it or feel guilty about things we said and did. We needed a fresh start.
‘That’s more than one promise,’ she pointed out in typical Raegan fashion. ‘Only if you promise the same too,’ she added, sticking out her pinky.
‘Deal,’ I smiled, hooking my own onto hers. She smiled back down at me and tightened her hold. ‘Seal with a kiss?’
I doubted one would be enough.