Emriana
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, the small candle partially lighting up my face. My hands tangled in the bed cover as I sat on the edge of the bed, my feet dangling softly. The bedroom was small, big enough for a small bed pushed against the wall. Across from it was a small desk with an antique mirror Kove bought me. The little candle was set in front of it, brightening the chamber enough for me to see where I was. The discord of wild insects could be heard from outside as the darkness had taken over the kingdom.
I closed my eyes for a second, taking in the peace of this moment, forgetting about everything else. At this moment, I wasn't in this room, in this house, in Nelovia, nor in Ekudal. I was home. I was sitting on the small porch outside my house in silence. I was alone, except for Akira dozing at my feet. I stared at the night sky and felt at peace. I was happy and content. The repetitive low purrs of the large animal beside me brought me comfort. My only worry was whether it would rain or not tomorrow. I was brought back to reality quickly as I heard a loud noise from the kitchen, reminding me of everything.
My fists tensed around the fabric, not wanting to leave this room. Even if I didn't feel attached to this room specifically, at this moment, it felt like my safe haven, and I was dreading the moment I had to leave it. I knew once I stepped out through the doorway, things would change forever. It wouldn't ever be the same. We couldn't go back to just being friends, as he made his intentions clear to me. I had to decide if I wanted to move forward or not.
My eyes met my own in the mirror once again as if the mirror version of myself would tell me the answer. I hoped it would. I didn't know what to do. The right answer seemed obvious, but I didn't know if I should do it. I felt scared. Three familiar people came across my mind, but I shrugged them off quickly, not wanting to feel even worst. My stomach felt like a knot, and I felt a little nauseous.
Somehow, I managed to stand up and slowly made my way to the door. I took a few seconds before gently twisting the cold doorknob. The dark wooden door creaked open slowly, and the noise from the other room simultaneously stopped.
I walked out of the small corridor where both our bedrooms were and came into the kitchen. Kove was already staring at me, his hands fidgeting together nervously. The nervousness grew with each second. I walked up to the small round table. He moved toward me and did the same, sitting across from me, never taking his eyes off me. I could tell he was trying to tell what I was about to say from the way his eyes moved back and forth between my own. I pulled my lips together in a tight line as I fought back the urge to run out of the room. I couldn't hide anymore. I needed to face reality.
"Did you have time to think about it?" Kove broke the heavy silence, his voice was soft and gentle. I gave him a shaky nod, twisting a strand of my hair between my finger. I didn't know what to say, or maybe I just didn't want to say it. I stayed quiet as I dodged his stare, looking at anything except him.
"What's your answer?" He asked after a moment, and I had to force myself to stare back at him. I owed him that, at least.
"I'm sorry, Kove, but I can't..." As soon as the words left my lips, my stomach tightened to the point where I crossed my arms over my stomach, hunching forward a bit. I stared at my feet under the table as I waited for some kind of answer.
"What do you mean you can't? I told you I loved you...I-I thought you liked me back." All the softness had left his voice as he reacted in shock. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt guilt flare inside me. I opened my mouth to say something, but a memory flashed through the mind that made me close it right back.
"I'm sorry, Kove, but I only see you as my friend," I replied after a moment, feeling like I owed him an answer after all. The only reply I got was a scoff, and I frowned, looking back at him.
"A friend? How can you say that after everything I did for you?" I stayed silent, knowing anything I would say wouldn't matter to him at that point. I needed to let him process it.
"See? You don't even have a valid reason for turning me down," he added, realizing I wasn't responding. His brows were scrunched up as he watched me like I had committed a crime.
"I do have a valid reason for saying no, and even if I didn't, it would be okay. I don't need to justify my feelings," I answered calmly, remembering the things Dana told me. Although I looked calm on the outside, I felt anything but calm in reality. For some reason, although I expected him to react like this, it somehow snapped something in me.
"What's your reason then?" He asked me with a mix of accusation and curiousness. I took a large breath, knowing the impact of what I was about to say.
"The thing is...I don't think you've been honest with me, Kove." I saw his whole body stiffen at my words, his shoulders slightly shifting forward as a surprised expression flashed through his eyes. Compared to them, he was so easy to read. He tried to hide it with a chuckle, but his reaction told me everything I needed to know.
"What are you even saying? I've been telling you nothing but the truth this entire time," he replied, bringing a hand to his heart like he was swearing, and I stared at him, perplexed.
"I don't think you have," I answered, holding on to my side of the argument. He seemed visibly uncomfortable by the fact that I wasn't being swayed by his attempts.
"I have to say, you nearly had me. You were very convincing. I believed you earlier, but-
"Stop saying nonsense, I didn't do anything." He cut me off, getting aggressive. Chills ran down my back at his behavior. Maybe I should've had this discussion in public.
"Yes, you have. You lied to me about Dana. What you said earlier goes against what you told me one month ago. Back then, you said she didn't care about me and plotted with Ryenne, but you also stated that she didn't know the princes. Today, you told me she had been plotting with them all along. Kove, it doesn't make sense!" I explained, and he gritted his teeth.
"I only told you the rumors I heard when I was working, I didn't really know her personally, so maybe I was wrong on some parts," he admitted.
"Exactly, you just said it yourself. You didn't know her, so how could you have known she never cared about me? What kind of rumor would talk about someone not liking me when I was a meaningless employee there? She was a great friend, she never tried to kidnapped m-
"I didn't kidnap you, I saved you," he insisted as he crossed his arms in defense over his chest. My blood was starting to boil as he admitted none of his wrongs.
"No, you didn't, but keep telling yourself that if that makes you feel better," my eyes widened at my words, and so did he. I never talked to him like that before, with so much arrogance, but I was furious. He stayed silent for a moment, his gaze set on the table as he appeared to be in big thoughts. My hands fidgeted at my side as I knew I had to stay calmer. Maybe I wanted to limit the outcomes.
"I understand that the princes were dangerous, and I was in danger by their side like you said, but...you could've told me. Who gave you the right to make that choice for me? I'm a grown woman, and there might be a lot I still don't know, but you can't expect me to agree when you take me away from everything,"
"You're a grown woman? I spent the past months trying to save you from everyone, as you always trust the wrong people! You can't be mad at me for taking your safety into my own hands when I had been doing it all along. What do you think would've happened if I didn't help you from the meat stand with the creepy man that day we met?" He retorted, and my heart clenched at his words.
"You're right! I could've been hurt, but it doesn't mean that you can do these kinds of things without talking to me first. I deserved to know what's happening to me!" I explained, feeling emotions in me rising. It was something I had kept inside me for the past months, and it was finally coming out. His eyes found my own before he dropped them to the table.
"I'm sorry, Emriana. I should've asked you, but I thought it was the right thing to do. What can I do to make you forgive me?" He asked me softly, his voice trembling. I bit my lips, having no clue what to answer such a question. I stayed silent for a moment, but I remembered something else.
"And also, Kove, it's one thing to accuse Dana, but Akira? You must think I'm the stupidest girl if you thought you could get away with this one. Do you know the worst part? At that moment, I believed you earlier. You don't even know him, and yet, you feel comfortable making such a statement? That animal has been by my side for over six years while you have been for three months, and you find the audacity to tell me that he didn't love me?" I cried as I spoke and felt the tears running down my cheek.
"You say you love me and you want me to be happy, but you lie to me about such a thing? Is that making me happy for you? And if you did truly want to make me happy, you would have brought him as well!"
"You kept saying earlier that you knew me better than anyone, but you don't. Because if you truly did, you would've known that insulting him is like insulting my own brother, and for that, my answer is no," I couldn't speak anymore as sobs racked through my body. I stood up slowly, feeling like I was about to be sick, and walked toward my room.
"You choose a tiger over me?" I heard him call from behind me and my steps haltered a bit. I spun around to face him, his eyes were glossy.
"You clearly don't know me because it's not just a tiger." And with that, I closed the door behind me and locked it. I let myself fall down against the door as I stared into the darkness.