May 13th, 2020
7:21 A.M
The Macari Residency, Toronto, Canada
For the first time in Nathan's life, there was nothing for him to do. The album was finished, he didn't need to film for three weeks, and there were no crises concerning his friends. He had all the free time in the world.
With this period of leisure, he chose to spend his days within the confines of his home, engaging in quality time with his immediate family. Being trapped in the house during the pandemic gave him ample time to bond with his daughter, sister, and parents.
The first day was fun. The Macari family played board games and made baked rigatoni. It reminded them of the time before Nathan became heavily hectic with music. They knew these types of moments were scarce.
The second day was more chaotic. Nathan, Azure, and Emilio kept the house loud, sparking energy into April and Aurora. It was another typical family day.
By the third day, things got strange. Nathan could hear whispered conversations, intense crying, and unpleasant groaning late at night. Whenever he ventured out to investigate, his dad was hot on his tail, assuring him that there was nothing to know.
But Nathan was far from a fool.
He recognized when secrets were kept from him. Paired with how awkward April had been acting the past few months, it didn't take long for him to figure out that his family was keeping something from him.
He didn't want to spend too much time on it because he needed his full attention on Azure, but knowing that his family was keeping secrets infested his mind like an unwanted pest. His urge to hyper-focus on the issue gnawed at him.
The nightly whispers grew in intensity each night, and his mind raced furiously, striving to unravel the enigma that his family guarded. He could sense his anxiety flare up, and he prayed to God that an anxiety attack wasn't on his path, especially with Azure in his care.
April scrutinized Nathan meticulously for the past week. She studied how his leg bounced, how he never let his fingernails catch a break, and how often he spaced out during the day. The whole situation stressed him. There was no doubt about it.
The aura of the house changed after that third night. Nathan yearned for nothing more than to escape with Azure and retreat to an island, far away from the disquietude that engulfed their home.
It was bizarre for him because, during this time, he barely saw his mother. Whenever he'd try to enter her room, the locks were on, or his father was there to say she was asleep. Nathan didn't believe that for a second. Aurora, much like him, was brimmed with energy and possessed an animated demeanor. Sleeping during the day was an unfamiliar occurrence for her.
On a Thursday morning, Nathan planned to get the answers he deserved. Azure was with Kelis for the week, and he made sure to seize the opportunity.
Nate sat at the kitchen table, his omelet still sizzling off the pan. "Morning, papa,"
"Morning,"
"I heard someone groaning and coughing again. Is everything okay?"
"Your sister caught a bug. She's not feeling well. She's on bed rest right now."
Nathan pursed his lips with a nod. "Hm. That's funny."
"What's funny?"
Nathan followed April's reflection around the corner on the stove. "That's funny," he pointed as April entered the kitchen. She was energetic and certainly didn't look ill.
That's when things became really serious. That was the first time Nathan had ever caught his father lying. Like April, he never ever lied. Now there were two people in his life lying to him.
Nathan closed his eyes and delicately exhaled. "Alright, both of you have been acting weird the past month. I've heard things. Both of you forbid me to let me see Mom, and so much strange nonsense is going on. I don't want you to tell me everything's fine. I don't want you to brush me off. I want you to be honest because the two of you are people I'd like to think of as the most sincere people ever, and I've caught you both lying multiple times this past month."
"Nate—"
"I'm losing my patience, I'm losing sleep at night, and I'm close to losing my sanity." He rubbed his temples. "I don't appreciate the way things are getting kept from me. I feel like you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth."
"Ci fidiamo di te." Emilio said.
"Then why are you keeping secrets? What's wrong? Is there something wrong with me?"
"No, Caro. We know how busy you are with your music. What we keep from you will distract you and disrupt your work."
"Here's what I think will happen if you don't tell me. I will continue to stress about it, and stressing about it will disrupt my work either way. If there's something wrong with my mother, I cannot concentrate, no matter how hard I try. So, either way, I'm screwed."
"It's better if we wait to tell you. Trust me." April pleaded.
Nathan bitterly chuckled and stood up from his chair.
April and Emilio attentively examined his moves. His absolute lack of words fretted them. Before they could get a chance to say anything else, Nathan grabbed his laptop and walked out the door, trailed by his cameraman, Hunter.
"How are you feeling?" Hunter asked.
Nathan settled into his car and threw his head back onto the headrest. "I'm the most frustrated I've ever been." He sourly laughed. "I'm trying my best to understand their reasoning because the things I hear are not normal. After Azure, my mom is the most important person in the world to me."
"Am I wrong to be upset? Something is happening with my mother; they're hiding it from me. Now I've gotten no information, and I'm more worried than before I had that damn conversation."
"I pray that it's nothing serious. Because if something happens to my mom, I will not be okay."
He exited his car and marched up to Andrew's mansion.
Hearing the commotion from the foyer, Beth peeked around the wall from the kitchen. "Nate, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be quarantining."
"I'm upset, so I'm making music." He spoke as he charged towards the studio.
Beth's eyes widened as she processed his words. An upset Nathan? What could he possibly be upset about now? It reminded her of the brief exchange she had with Jordan last month.
"That whole rarely gets angry nonsense is ludicrous. I've seen Nate get angry a bunch of times." Beth scoffed.
"Seeing him quiet after an argument is not the same as hearing him scream at the top of his lungs. You saw him upset plenty of times, that's true, but you've never seen him truly angry. Overall, he's been angry four times. The time when Kelis cheated on him, when he fought during one of his baseball games, when he fought Kian during our planned intervention, and when I took him on that hike. I guess you can count the Jake Paul situation, but that was more anxiety based. Any other time is not anger, just him being upset."
"How is that any different?"
"When you're upset, you're unhappy and hurt. I've seen that happen to Nathan many times. Anger is pure rage. The type that will drive you to hurt someone. Those four instances I mentioned were considered anger because he looked ready to kill someone. All I'm saying is you're fortunate you haven't made him angry before because he never forgets that type of stuff."
Nathan forced the headphones onto his ears and clutched the drumsticks. As the introductory chords of Smells Like Teen Spirit coursed through the headphones, Nathan could already feel a small chunk of stress evacuating his body.
Load up on guns. Bring your friends. It's fun to lose and to pretend. She's over-bored and self-assured. Oh no, I know a dirty word.
His arms crashed down onto the drum kit as fast as they raised. Thick droplets of sweat surfed down his skin. His banging was so clangorous that Beth feared he'd damage the equipment.
With the lights out, it's less dangerous. Here we are now; entertain us. I feel stupid and contagious. Here we are now; entertain us.
His hands slumped to his sides as the last note projected. He climbed off the stool and took a seat at the kitchen island.
Beth handed him the water with no questions asked. His harsh glare resided on the kitchen tile. She knew better than to say anything, especially when his mind was as chaotic as it was.
Just when she assumed he'd finally speak about what was tormenting him, he sauntered towards the gym.
Beth furrowed her eyes and followed after him. "Are we not going to talk about that?" She said as she sat across from him on a bench press machine.
Nathan reached up and pulled down the bow flex. "Talk about what?"
"You, acting like Animal from The Muppets two minutes ago. That isn't normal."
"I think you should mind your damn business, Elizabeth."
"Well, I think you should figure out who the hell you think you're talking to."
"I can't deal with you right now. Seriously Ellie. Leave me the fuck alone."
"So let me get this straight. You waltz in here, bang on drums at seven in the morning, disturbing my peace, but you're giving me attitude? That's not going to work. You can't do that."
"Well, guess what?" He cockily smirked. "I already did. So, you can sit there and look pretty or leave because once I put these headphones in, I'm not talking."
"You are such a narcissist. I don't understand how Kelis put up with you for three years. You are so frustrating to deal with. You think everyone must bow down to King Nathan, don't you?"
"You're obsessively invested in my life. I meant what I said in January. You care too much."
Beth's eyes rolled back so hard she feared they'd get stuck. "Oh my god, Nathaniel, please get over yourself. I'm not obsessed with you. I'm worried and I have every right to be when you come here and act like a madman."
"Stop caring so much," he retorted, sticking his AirPods on.
Beth dry chuckled and glanced up at the ceiling. "Lord, you are testing me today," she said as she walked away.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
You would expect that coming out was the most challenging task that Javier had to execute. However, his journey to reach that position was far more troubling.
Discovering his attraction to men was a perplexing time for him. He'd known for quite a few years. When he got into anime as a preteen, things made more sense to him. The defined detail in male characters gave him no choice but to observe and explore his attraction to them.
Initially, he rebuked the concept. Especially since there weren't many queer individuals in his surroundings, along with people like Riker Chandler, who was unashamedly homophobic. Javier didn't recognize that there were different sexualities other than straight and gay. So, when he detected his interest in both genders, he thought he was going insane.
Over time, when his friends admitted to attraction to certain male celebrities, he figured that opposite-sex attraction was normal and he wasn't queer. But as high school hit and Javier observed that he wasn't as captivated with girls as his other friends, panic kicked in.
He dreaded that realization. Predominantly because he didn't want to differ from his peers. Being from a different country already made him unique enough. Giving further reason to be an outcast placed great fear in his heart.
Meeting Lucy allayed all the fears in his brain. He couldn't possibly be attracted to men if he was attracted to Lucy, right? That's what kept his apprehensions at bay for two years. He loved Lucy for sure, but he forced it to an extent. He believed that if he could force himself to believe she was his soulmate, all his homoerotic desires would wash away.
Yet, as the fragile foundation of this self-imposed theory began to crumble in the aftermath of their breakup, Javier confronted an undeniable truth. With Madison being the exquisite help she was, he came to terms with what he liked.
When he could identify his preferences, it became evident that Eric was not just a buddy. He treated Eric differently than he did his closest friends and bandmates. Javier beams when he receives a text from Eric, forgets everyone else when Eric enters the room, and always goes the extra mile to speak to him.
He felt the shift between Eric being one of his friends into Eric becoming someone he adored. It was two weeks after his birthday, and the guilt he felt was soul-eating. Javier was certain that the initial sparks felt with Lucy were long gone, becoming a shell of its former self. He knew the relationship was far from passionate, but he didn't have the heart to break Lucy's heart.
It took a while to realize his admiration for Eric was a crush. Javier thought crushes were silly. They were merely a waste of time to him. He believed that fantasizing about a person was ineffective and childish. Why would someone dream of being with somebody when they could take action and make the person theirs instead?
He harbored this mindset for eight years. As you can guess, it ended when he met Eric. He finally understood the rationality behind a crush. He finally understood movie characters when they say their heart skips a beat, why people spend hours thinking of one person, and the butterflies that initially irritated him. He understood it all after Eric.
Which is why the phone call he was having with Eric was so devastating to him.
"You came out to your parents? Mazel tov!" Eric clamored. "I had no idea you were bi-curious."
"Thank you," Javier grinned.
"Welcome to the club, brother. You must now order the pride flag and hang it on your wall like everybody else." Eric quipped.
Javier cheesed brightly. "I'm way ahead of you. Mine's already in the mail."
"Right on!" Eric exclaimed. "Are you getting back into dating? Elisha's got a couple of friends that I think would be great for you."
As fast as Eric made Javier smile, he managed to upset him by bringing up his girlfriend. He was even more upset with himself. By his logic, if he had come out sooner, he could've expressed his feelings to Eric earlier. It only made Javier berate and blame himself for his current predicament.
Luckily, Eric couldn't witness his face dropping and his somber eyes. "Nope. I'm not dating. I'm still trying to recover from the Lucy breakup."
He hated that. He hated using Lucy as a cover.
You broke her heart. You're not allowed to use her again as a crutch to hide your feelings for Eric.
"Oh, well, okay. If you're ever ready to jump back in. I know some people."
"Right," Javier tried his hardest to sound thrilled, but he only appeared exhausted.
Sensing his tone, Eric prepared himself for bed. "Well, it is late in Australia, so I'm going to get some rest. Goodnight, Jay."
"Goodnight." He replied just before the line went dead.
Another day of unrequited love for Javier, but speaking to Eric was enough for him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was nothing more heartbreaking to Madison than seeing Kian in an unhappy mood.
Kian wanted to know everything that happened during those forty-eight hours of peak mania after learning what happened at his parent's house. The camera in his car and the security camera in the Chandler house captured it all, and he was determined to find out what he did. However, the film crew hesitated to hand over the footage, fully aware of its dark and chaotic nature.
He watched himself drive recklessly, have prolonged rants, and stumble around the streets of Toronto. None of that worried him more than seeing Madison cry for him. He couldn't forgive himself for hurting Madison, no matter how many times she reassured him that what he did was fine. He placed the blame squarely on his shoulders for discontinuing his medication, allowing his mania to spiral out of control.
Watching him struggle was immensely devastating for Madison. Her battle with borderline personality disorder gave her an insight into how distressing an episode can be. During their three-month separation, she had experienced her own episodes, and it was only through her therapy sessions that she found some semblance of stability.
She longed for him to say something, anything, but it seemed as if his soul had taken a vacation. With eyes as vacant as a ghost town, Madison recognized that he was sinking into depression. Witnessing him succumb to the bleak place of depression crushed her heart, especially when she knew how hard he tried to remain stable.
"Are you hungry, panda?" Madison asked. "You want something to eat?"
Kian shook his head, his eyes remaining on the flat-screen TV.
"Okay, let's get ready for bed. C'mon, let's shower." She grabbed his hand and guided him to the bathroom.
Madison knew what she was getting herself into. She knew he wouldn't want to get out of bed to eat or shower, but she wouldn't stop asking. She would continue to motivate him to do basic activities.
After stripping and settling into the bath, Madison straddled his lap and began to clean him. She gripped his chin and raised his head. "I love you,"
She didn't expect a response. He had been silent throughout the entire week, but he did manage to offer her a faint smile, which warmed her heart.
"I need you to tell me when you need space, okay? If you want to be alone, tell me. If you want a hug, tell me. If you want to vent, tell me. I don't care if I'm in the middle of a call, you tell me. I will drop anything for you."
He nodded and lowered his head onto her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Madison's eyebrow quirked up. It was the first time she heard him speak in four days. "What are you sorry for?"
"You have to do this and take care of me like a child. I'm inconvenient for you. You missed a meeting because of me."
"Work will never be more important than you," she reassured him, her voice filled with sincerity. "Not now, not ever. I would cancel another meeting if you needed my help. You are my number one priority."
"Will you still feel the same after the next episode?"
Madison smiled and cupped his cheeks, leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his lips. "I will feel the same forever. Till we're old and gray."
Kian took her hand in his and closed his eyes. "Till we're old and gray."
-
Uh oh, there's conflict in the Macari family, Kian's dealing with post-mania depression, and Javier is heartbroken over his crush. Next up, someone gets into hot water with the media and one of the main characters will get a new love interest, so look out for that.
If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to message me and I'll try my hardest to message you back as soon as possible.
Most importantly don't forget to smile at someone today, it might make them happy.
Stay Safe, Stay Pure, Stay Blessed.
xoxo BabyDoucheBag