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IT WAS A RAINY AND MISERABLE DAY. Remus had spent the whole morning cooped up in his room reading, and decided for once that he was going to actually leave the safety of his room and spend some time downstairs.
The only time he really did that was when it was time to listen to Henry's radio show, which was the exact thing he went down there to do.
Inez and Marlene were already sitting downstairs, hiding under blankets with hot cups of tea in their hands. They didn't say much as Remus stepped inside the room and sat down next to them.
There wasn't a lot of talking happening between the three of them anymore. There wasn't much to talk about. Claudia was gone, James and Lily barely even made any contact with them anymore, and neither did Peter or Sirius.
The only one they really spoke to were their separate families, and Betty, who too was staying at the manor now, due to not wanting to live alone after Tallulah left but also not wanting to go back to France where the rest of her family had decided to stay until the war was over.
Betty never really left her room either, so for the most part the house was quiet, Marlene and Inez being the only ones moving around like shadows in the dark.
Betty came into the room as well, all at the same time as Inez leant forward and turned on the radio, and gave it a tap with the secret password meant for this week's programme.
They all leant back in their seats, prepared for yet another round of hearing names they knew being called out as missing people or ones who had passed away cruelly due to the magic of somebody else.
They weren't prepared, however, to hear another voice than Henry's - but that's exactly what they did.
"Hello," a quiet and weak little voice said. "I, uh...as you can tell it's not Raven speaking."
Remus frowned, for once looking at the girls he was staying with and finding them to be just as confused as he was.
"It's Jia Li," he said.
"Is it?" Asked Betty.
Remus nodded, turning to look at the radio again as though that would make the girl continue to speak.
"Why?" Inez asked.
Remus shrugged. He had no idea.
"Our Raven is not fit to do this week's programme," Jia Li said. "So I'm stepping in. You can call me, well...it doesn't matter."
Marlene sat up straight, "Do you think something bad has happened?"
None of them answered. They could feel it inside of them, as though they had heard a little voice whisper it to them hours before when it had happened as they were sleeping. None of them knew what it was, but it was there.
That funny little feeling that told them that something awful had happened. They had that feeling often now, but they never really recognised it until they knew for sure.
And they were right. Something awful had happened. But it wasn't anything like they'd ever imagined.
"Um, we're cutting this week's programme short," Jia Li continued. "But we find it important that everyone must know what's happened."
Weary glances was shared inside the room. They knew that it had to do with Henry. It had to be him. Was he dead? Had he been taken?
But then again, why would Jia Li even continue with the show if he wasn't safe? If he was dead, or badly hurt, surely she would be doing anything other than announcing it to all of Henry's listeners?
And, come to think of it, Jia Li always said 'we', as though Henry was right there, holding out the script with the words for her to say.
It was silent again. But then, like a soft little whisper, all they could hear were small sniffles, before Jia Li's choked up voice continued.
"Raven would like to thank you all for doing your best to find our friend Claudia Maple," she said. "She's okay now."
All the girls looked at one another as Remus sat there, the air leaving his lungs as if he was holding his breath deep underwater.
"Raven wants you all to know that she's okay now," Jia Li continued in a shaky voice. "She's safe with her Regulus."
"What does she mean?" Inez asked in a tone of desperation, looking at Remus and Remus only. "What's happening? Is Claudia home?"
"Her family has confirmed it," Jia Li said.
"Confirmed what?!" Inez yelled, as distressed as she could be. "What?!"
"Claudia and Regulus Maple-Black have passed away."
The world ended then. Remus was sure of it. Maybe it still moved around him; maybe the sun was still about to come out and babies were still about to be born and christmases were about to be spent, but for him, right there on that miserable rainy day, his life ended.
He couldn't hear the agonising screams around him. He didn't even look up. He just stared at his feet as Betty began to cry, dropping the glass of water she had been holding to the ground. He didn't care to move for the shards of glass that landed near his feet, nor did he look up when Inez ran screaming out of the room, Marlene, already drenched in tears, following her.
"Remus?" He heard Betty's soft voice say in a whisper as he finally took notice of the cries that were coming from everywhere around him, even from the radio.
"Go," he replied.
"Oh, Remus," Betty said, sniffling as she placed her hand on his shoulder.
He shrugged her off, "Just go!"
Betty nodded, the tears coming out stronger now, "Okay."
He heard her walk away, by now crying so hard that she couldn't breathe. Her footsteps retreated up the stairs as he began listening to Jia Li, who had been speaking this whole time, again.
"We're sorry, Claudia," Jia Li said. "So sorry."
Remus clenched his eyes shut.
This couldn't be. He didn't believe in it. It wasn't real, was it?
It didn't make any sense. Just the other day had her father seen her right by his house as Remus was sleeping inside. She wasn't gone. How could she just disappear like that?
"Raven would like to honour his friend with a song," said Jia Li. "He knew that this one meant a lot to her. Thanks for listening."
Jia Li's voice drifted off, and the soft sounds of Moon River filled Remus' ears.
Claudia loved that song. River the cat, who was asleep in an armchair, unaware of his mum's awful fate, was even named after the song.
As Remus looked at the cat, he slowly lost his conscience. Everything was a blur. After a while, he couldn't see anymore. The tears took over everything.
As the song played, all he saw was her eyes. Her eyes; closing for good and freezing in time.
He didn't even know how she had died. He didn't know why. Had she been in pain? Or was it slow, easy and in the arms of the Regulus, the only person Remus knew could make it easier for her to go?
Remus knew that Claudia had wanted to die for a long time. That's why he even got to know her properly in the first place; because the girl he had secretly crushed on for years showed signs of not wanting to be alive anymore, and nobody seemed to notice but him.
Still, he had never thought that she'd actually leave the world she so often could find light in even when everything was dark. Not after years of dreading it, years of hearing her talking about death as though it was as easy as living. Nothing could've ever made it easier for him.
He started to toss things to the ground. Lamps, books and stupid pillows and furniture. He even threw the radio. It crashed onto the ground, falling into pieces as Moon River stopped playing.
Remus ran outside. He didn't even care to bring his wand, or a coat despite the rain that poured more than ever before. He didn't care if a Death Eater found him and brought him to misery, nor did he care if he got a cold from being out in the rain or even drowned in the floods that had already begun to form.
He ran past the wards, towards the village. And then he stopped, his knees falling into the muddy and watery ground. He couldn't breathe.
There was air all around him, but none of it could find its way into his lungs. He was sure that he was drowning, both in his own tears and in the rainwater that seeped it's way through his clothes.
He heard a sudden Crack!. He figured it was someone he was supposed to protect himself from, but he didn't do anything at all to defend himself.
He looked up. It was Sirius. His eyes were wide, as though he had seen the most awful of things in front of him. Remus knew he'd been listening to the radio programme as well. Nothing else could explain why he'd show up there after months of ignoring him.
Remus knew he was there to comfort him. But then he realised something.
Claudia wasn't the only one who was gone. Regulus, Sirius' brother, had also taken his last breath.
And after years of suppressed anger, disappointment and frustration, Sirius couldn't hide how much he loved his brother anymore. Now that he was gone, he could finally admit it.
"It's not fair," said Sirius in a hollow voice.
"It's not," Remus agreed.
Sirius walked a few quick steps towards him and threw his arm across Remus' body in a tight embrace.
They were both sitting in the mud now, drenched in water without a care in the world when they heard another Crack!.
Next thing they knew, another pair of strong arms wrapped around them. They both knew it was James. They could just tell, even after not having seen each other in what felt like forever.
"You shouldn't be here," said Sirius.
James shook his head, "I can't not. How..."
His throat closed up on him. All the three of them could do was sit there and bawl. They couldn't speak properly, breathe properly, nor could they even see or hear properly because the rain was pouring so profoundly.
"How are we going to take this?" James whispered.
Remus shook his head, "I don't think I can."
"She deserved better," said James. "And...so did he."
Sirius sighed, "Why didn't we ever get her out of there? And why...didn't I-"
"We should've," Remus whispered.
The boys all went quiet after that. All they could hear was the rain, each other's inconsistant and desperate breaths and each other's sobs.
Another Crack! went out. They all turned their heads towards where the sound came from, still in each other's embraces there on the ground.
It was Peter.
He looked at them. His eyes were dark. His face pale. Somehow, he looked as though he was handling this worse than anyone. Even worse than Remus, who hadn't been able to breathe for almost an hour.
"Pete..." said James. "Come here."
The mousy boy walked slowly towards them, as though he was scared of them. But then he did exactly what they did, a little less enthusiastically, as though he didn't really need the comfort but felt as if it was the only right thing to do.
He wrapped his cold arms around them.
"I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered.
Remus shook his head. He didn't know why he said what he did, but it was rather fitting. And it scared Peter profoundly.
"It's Claudia who deserves an apology," he said, not aware of all that Peter had done.
He was just thinking about how his girl never really got that apology from the world. The world brought her to the very edge, and then it tricked her all the way down to the darkness. It didn't make sense. No one on earth, not even the most evil of people, had dealt with all those awful things that Claudia Maple had.
And now she was dead. She was only 21 years of age, and had lived in a constant war since she was born.
How was it fair? How was any of it fair?
Religion was a strange and uncommon subject in the Wizarding World. No one spoke of it, and it wasn't because it was forbidden or something that people would judge you for. It was just uncommon. Unusual. Strange. Unknown.
And you know what they say, everyone's afraid of the unknown.
With the exception of a few muggleborns, halfbloods and children of magical parents who had discovered religion against all odds, no one owned a cross, a special religious headgear, a bible, or a Quran. No one went to a church, a chapel, a temple, a synagogue or a mosque. No one sang any worship songs.
No one prayed.
But that night, many people did just that. Unconsciously. They prayed inside their heads. They didn't understand it, and they didn't know who they were begging for closure or an explanation from, but they still did it anyways.
In a moment like that, most people who haven't got a clue on what they believe in just want to beg for help. For clarity. For daylight.
You see, they were desperate that night. They needed an anchor. And even if they didn't know who this anchor could be, or if there even was someone up there in the clouds or in their hearts or heads or whatever. They just asked for help. Begged for help.
Prayed for help.
James and Lily prayed for the health of their little boy. They prayed for Claudia. They begged whoever they were talking to to make sure that she wasn't in pain any longer. That's all they ever wanted, for their Claudia to finally be okay.
She had been in pain for far too long, so they could only hope that it was over.
Marlene prayed for whoever she was praying to to shield Inez from all the pain. Inez and Betty both begged to have their best friend back.
Cora and her family begged that what they had heard wasn't true. That their little girl and her shy little husband would return through the door with big smiles on their faces and tell them all about their adventures.
Sirius prayed for his brother and his best friend. He prayed for everyone. He begged that it would stop. That all of it would just stop.
Remus begged for someone, just anyone, to tell him that it wasn't true. And most of all, he prayed for his girl. His sweet perfect girl who was so close to a happy ending after all the suffering.
Nicolas, however, didn't pray. No, he let a tear or two fall, but he didn't pray, or beg or even wish anything.
He was too busy to do so that night.
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