"Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Before Fyodor met Kate, he knew practically nothing about genuine worry. He never experienced this intense of negative feeling before, the burning in his chest that threatened to destroy his heart at any given second. His fingertips could take no more anxious nibbling, having already been wounded from years' thoughts prior. But this was different, his entire body hurt from worrying over Kate. She was sickly, even more than him; perhaps she was never meant to live a long happy life.
Kate stirred in the bed in front of him. He looked to her instantly, searching for any sign that she was okay. He knew she wasn't but that's what made him search her even more. He wanted her to be okay because it hurt him to worry about her. It wasn't even that he was tired of worrying for her, for that he would never tire of.
Much to his dismay, Kate never opened her eyes despite having stirred. He had never felt so helpless before her. She had always pulled out new emotions from within him and magnified them so that they were all he felt. He could do nothing to help her and he felt weak for this. He wanted nothing more than to sit by her side until she woke again but his anger was beginning to bubble within him, he had to leave her and destroy something before he destroyed her by mistake.
It was in his nature to destroy her, in fact, he wanted to from the very start and yet he had changed, adapted and no longer wanted this-- he didn't want to be her destruction anymore. How funny that once he actually had the chance to destroy her, he couldn't do it. Perhaps he lacked the balls to do it or he wasn't strong enough but he no longer cared about that. He was weak-- she made him weak and everybody knew this now. She would never be safe and he wasn't going to be able to guarantee that he would keep her safe, not even with all of his accomplices.
"Fedya, I've located Sigma. I can move to bring him in if you would like." Nikolai's soft tone interrupted the deafening silence. Kate was right, this house was suffocating with noises he forgot existed.
"Yes, I need him urgently," Fyodor answered without hesitation.
"You know it isn't in the plan to bring him aboard this early, Kamui will be upset." Nikolai cleared his throat.
"I don't FUCKING care! I don't fucking care about the plan or about Sigma or whatever the fuck Kamui has to say about it all! I care about Kate!" Fyodor roared, throwing his chair to the floor as he stood up. Nikolai cowered at this reaction. Fyodor had almost always been calm, confident and kept his cool, this side of him was truly frightening to the jester.
"It'll take me three days." Nikolai squeaked out.
"Make it one." Fyodor's suddenly stone-cold voice sent chills down Nikokai's spine.
"I'll be able to manage two but one is impossible." Nikolai shook his head. Fyodor turned around and grabbed his collar.
"If I wanted something possible I would've sent Ivan but I'm sending you because you make the impossible possible. So, go, make it possible." He shoved Nikolai away. Nikolai stumbled backwards before Ivan caught him. The two shared a nervous look before Nikolai rushed out of the house.
"Master, perhaps you should take a rest. You won't be in a good mood when Kate wakes up and you know she wants you to sleep more--"
"Watch her." Fyodor's firm order made Ivan rush to Kate's side. Fyodor walked out of the room but stopped in the doorway.
"Stay in here and do not leave no matter what you hear downstairs." His final order was one Ivan knew he could not protest whatsoever.
With one last glance at Kate, Fyodor turned on his heel and closed the door behind him. The click of the lock sliding into place made Ivan nearly break into a cold sweat. What on earth could Fyodor be planning?