Date: 29.1.22
Joke: Don't spell part backwards, it's a trap!
Quote: "Never been in love, And it's all good, Not the only one, Feeling like they should" - Never Been In Love by Will Jay
Summary:
Today was great, I'm just not in a great state rn cause my parents are just.... Mean is the way to say it I guess. I've already ranted to B about it so I won't express it here till I've done my day summary.
So I was up at 5.45 and got ready to go to the comp!!!! And then we went and I climbed and I got sixth!!!!!! AND A RIBBON!!!! ITS MY FIRST RIBBON IVE EVER GOTTEN AT A COMP AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELFF!!!!! IT WAS AWESOMEEE!!!!
Then I got to hang out with E, ZH, and H (B's friend who we only see at comps cause he lives like 2 hrs away and climbs at a dif gym - he's awesome) during the second session of climbers in the afternoon! We watched them climb for a solid hour and a half (out of 3) then H showed us how to make origami cranes, frogs, and ninja stars so we built a frog army! Based on the ninjago characters, obviously. And then once everyone was done climbing, the other climbers from our team helped us hide them all around the gym! It was awesomely fun!! Then everybody headed out and I got home!
I took a shower to just be clean again, then just kinda chilled. Had a solid dance party though, that was fun!
Then, as I was getting ready for bed, my parents called me into their room to talk abt something. So after we talked, and I got even more emotional scarring, I sent this to B- kinda sums it up better than I could explain in words.
"I gotta say, sometimes I'm not a huge fan of my parents. So I'm super proud of myself for the comp performance today and when my dad came and picked me up he said he was proud of me and just was happy about it and then tonight, my parents, ughhh, they Call me into their room as I'm getting ready for bed to talk to me about my comp strategy and how I've got it all wrong. They're like, well just climb as soon as you get off or rest minimally cause then you can maximize and use all your attempts on your climbs, and just like pinpointing literally everything I did that could be fixed, INCLUDING, including my flash of two climbs!!!!! Like what?!?!? You're gonna criticize that I f l a s h e d! Two! Climbs! Out! Of! Four! Bro, that's not okay. They were like "well that shouldn't have happened cause it was luck" not even taking into account how many stupid hours I've put into training for this comp. And they just like beat me down like "well this was just inefficient time management and you could've done better" and then t r I e d to make it better by like sprinkling w e a k compliments in like "but good climbing, and you did a nice job buttttt" and continuing with their criticisms... I'm just like literally abt to cry cause it just hurts man. When I finally do decently for once, they have to ruin it by just saying how I can do better, just please be proud and satisfied with what I did please, for once! 🥺I'm sorry for just dumping this on you tonight, I feel bad for ruining your fun. It just hurts. Really bad. And this is why I don't like them coming to watch me. It ends bad emotionally for me. And they also kept throwing these hypotheticals at me like "well what if you hadn't flashed or what if you had tried this climb one more, you could've gotten it, or what if this and what if that" and I'm just like I DONT CARE! What's done is done and I don't regret any of it and just stopppppp!!!!! Pls🥺 it just hurts. I mean, thanks for reading this probably awful rant about my emotional scarring but I guess I just wanted to thank you, you literally just... you mean a lot to me, thanks for supporting me, in every way. In some ways I wish my parents were better... but I know that's not gonna happen so yeah. I guess I'll have to be satisfied with your support (and the team, mostly) which is more than enough for me, especially you. You're just amazing. I hope you know that. Again, I'm sorry to probably ruin your evening, but I just had to express this and i feel safe saying it to you, so yeah. Now I'm probably gonna cry myself to sleep or something just as dramatic.... Love you B, hope you sleep well and have an amazing trip!"
(He's out skiing so that's why I wished him an awesome trip) but yeah, that happened. Had a solid cry after that, but I'm doing alright now, I guess. Not my worst it just hurts a lot. But yeah, that was f u n.
Anywhose, I'm gonna leave it here so I can head to bed! Thanks for reading!
Love you guys <3
Ps dont die 🙃