Requested by ilovecats1t I hope its okay.
I want to cry. Okay that's all.
Enjoyyyyyy
3rd person P.O.V
Louis had an absolutely shit day. That was the only way to describe it.
Shit.
And now he was sitting in the dark glow of his kitchen, staring down at his cup half empty with alcohol as he swirled it around. It was nearing midnight and he was still waiting for his boyfriend to return home.
Today was their anniversary and Louis was going to take Harry out for dinner, they were going to meet at the restaurant after work, at six o'clock. So when Louis arrived he got to their table and waited for him to show up.
But six o'clock, turned to seven, and seven turned to eight and Harry still wasn't there. Louis had called and texted but he'd gotten not a single reply. The waiters were getting mad at him and he'd had a rather angry man come up to him and 'politely' tell him to get the fuck out.
So as Louis drove home he tried to get a hold of Harry to make sure he was okay, and ask why he hadn't shown up, he'd assumed it may have been traffic, work, or he was just tired. But then when he checked his phone at a petrol station he found that the reason Harry hadn't shown up was because he was too busy at a bar with a bunch of their friends, it was on the Instagram story of one of the people he was with.
So now, three hours later, Louis was sat in the same position he'd been in since he got home, only moving to fill up his glass with more alcohol.
The sound of a car door slamming shut pulled Louis out of his thoughts but his eyes stayed locked on the liquid getting sloshed around in the glass he was still moving in circles.
He couldn't help but feel anger towards his boyfriend. He didn't want to, he just wanted to forget about it but lately he'd been so stressed because of work and all the anger he'd suppressed over the last few months was boiling close to the surface and he would really have to fight to keep it down.
The door opened and footsteps started heading for the kitchen. "Oh, there you are." Harry said cheerfully when he noticed Louis sat at the table. "Tonight was so fun, Yknow Danny said-"
"Did you forget something?" Louis asked, his voice surprisingly calm as he stopped swirling his glass and looked up. "Somewhere you had to be tonight?"
Harry paused for a moment, clearly confused until his eyes widened and he set his coat down on the counter with an apologetic expression. "Louis, I am so sorry, I completely forgot."
"It's fine, it's not like I called you. Or texted, or called again." Louis took a small sip of the strong liquid, it burned his throat as he swallowed...so he took another sip.
"I left my phone at the studio. I'm really sorry." He walked closer to Louis. "I can make it up to you, it was just that after work everyone was buzzing and Emily suggested going out for a few drinks and it slipped my mind."
"I don't care that much that you forgot, Harry." Louis sighed standing up with his drink still in his hand. "Lately, after work, you go out and maybe I want to spend some time with you. Have you thought about that?"
"Oh Cmon." Harry mumbled under his breath, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room, knowing Louis was following. "Don't make it sound like that's all I do, 'cause you and I both know that's not true."
"Feels like it."
"Fine. I won't go out ever, happy?"
Louis let out a frustrated breath as he went to take another sip of his drink, realising he'd finished it again. "That's not what I'm saying. But I waited for you tonight, and I called you and you never answered."
"And I'm sorry! But I left my phone!" Harry yelled, running a stressed hand through his hair.
"You keep saying sorry but I feel like it doesn't even mean anything!" Louis yelled back, his grip on the glass tightening.
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Harry let out a sarcastic laugh. "What have I actually done? Okay, I forgot our anniversary but I've apologised for that! What more do you want me to do?"
When Louis didn't answer Harry swiftly turned around to grab his spare (work) phone off the side table but tried to reach for it too fast and ended up knocking over a vase that was sat proudly in the middle.
It felt like slow motion as it fell off the cabinet and towards the floor, Harry's eyes widened as he tired to catch it before it hit the floor with an echoing sound. The vase broke into tiny pieces as both Harry and Louis fell silent while staring at it, hoping it would just magically fix itself.
Harry hesitantly turned around to see Louis staring at the broken pieces with a death-tight grip on his glass, and his expression unreadable. "Louis," Harry breathed out, his voice already beyond apologetic. "I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry."
Louis stayed silent, his eyes not even moving from where they were looking.
"Maybe- maybe we can fix it? I'm sure if we find all the pieces then... we can fix it. I can fix it. Yeah...I can-"
"You can't fucking fix it." Louis spat angrily, looking up to his boyfriend. "Fucking look at it! It's broken. You cant fucking fix that."
"Lou, I know it means a lot to you, and if we try then-"
"Of course it means a lot! My mum gave us that! It was the last thing she gave us and you fucking broke it!"
"Would you stop yelling please, I said I was sorry." Harry's eyes looked back down at the shattered pieces glass. "I didn't mean to, it was just an accident. I didn't mean to break it."
Before Louis could even rationally collect his thoughts and apologise for shouting, he let the anger bubble over and take control of what he was doing. He didn't even know what was happening. Almost like he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.
"I know it was a fucking accident! But it's still fucking broken!"
The shrill of glass shattering cut through the house, turning everything silent once again. Harry was frozen in place, breathing heavily as his eyes slowly went down to Louis' hand where his glass previously was.
With his chest rising and falling rapidly he then slowly bent his head to look at his feet, seeing the clear glass pieces at his feet. There was a small dent in the wall above his head and fragments of shiny glass in his hair and on his shoulders from where the glass shattered just above his head when it hit the wall.
Neither of them said anything, Louis took one look at Harry before turning and walking up to the bedroom, saying nothing.
Harry closed his eyes and let out a short breath, letting his head fall back and hit the wall. While trying to calm his breathing he stayed there for a while just listening to the silence of the house that suddenly he didn't want to be in.
The sound of a door slamming shut made him flinch slightly as he opened his eyes and took in all the broken glass on the floor again. Soundlessly, he shook the glass from his hair and kneeled down on the floor, already starting to pick up the pieces. And after around twenty minutes he was sure he had them all.
He'd thrown the ones from Louis' glass in the bin and the ones from the vase into a pile so he could try and fix it even though, looking at it, it seemed impossible.
He'd noticed when he was cleaning up that when Louis threw the glass, and it just about missed his head, a piece of glass that had ricocheted off the wall had hit his forearm, cutting it a little. He had cleaned it out and then placed a plaster over it, deciding not to think about it as he headed for the spare room.
He didn't want to go into their room in case Louis was still mad at him. So he got comfortable under the cold sheets on the bed, and willed his mind to fall asleep.
~
The next morning Harry had overheard Louis on the phone - to who he assumed was his manager - saying that he wouldn't be coming into work for a few days. Not wanting to eavesdrop, Harry had walked away and into the kitchen.
He had the pile of pieces from the vase in the spare room as he'd taken them up with him instead of leaving them in the living room, and he wanted to try and put it back together at some point.
"Harry?" Louis' worried voice startled him, making him turn around rather quickly to see his boyfriend stood in the doorway of the kitchen. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Umm." Harry swallowed, nervously. "I need to go, I'm seeing Liam this morning, so..."
"Oh, okay." Louis nodded his head looking lost in thought. "I just- can I- I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, I just...I was drunk and I wasn't thinking and it just happened. I'm so sorry." He breathed out, bloodshot eyes looking directly at Harry.
"It's fine." Harry whispered, already starting to walk to the hallway. "It was my fault anyway."
"No it wasn't." Louis replied, watching as Harry went to move past him but he noticed something on his arm and held his hand out to gently stop him from walking.
Harry jumped a little at the feeling of Louis' hand on his arm, and a quiet gasp sound fell from his lips immediately making Louis let go as if it burned and then step back.
Harry cleared his throat and tried his best to smile at Louis who was looking at him with a wondering expression before it suddenly turned pained and he turned away, stepping back some more.
"I should go." Harry whispered, quickly walking out the kitchen and into the hallway, grabbing his shoes before leaving the house.
When he reached the cafe that he was meeting Liam at he realised the older lad was already there, so he walked inside and sat down. They spent a few minutes talking about what they've been up to and then Liam noticed the plaster on Harry's arm.
His eyebrows furrowed as he watched Harry quickly cover it with his other hand. "What happened to your arm?"
"Nothing. It was stupid." Harry laughed a little but Liam's face stayed serious.
"Is that why Louis called me last night saying he'd done something stupid?" Liam asked, making Harry's expression change, not realising he knew. At least sort of knew.
"No."
"Did he do that?"
"No."
"Did he do that." Liams expression was stern as he studied Harry's reactions.
Harry sighed, "Not intentionally."
Liam let out a strained breath and ran his hands over his face. "Fucking hell."
"He didn't mean to, he was drunk and I broke so-"
Liam cut Harry off. "It doesn't matter that he was drunk, that's not an excuse. He hurt you. And that's not okay. He could have done a lot more damage."
"But he didn't."
Sighing, Liam leaned forward, his arms crossed over each other on top of the table. "You can stay at mine if you want to." He offered, his voice quiet as he tried to get his head around what he found out.
"I'm fine, Liam. Thank you, but I'm fine."
"But maybe you should just stay with me for a bit, and let Louis cool off."
"No, it's okay. And he may get upset so." Harry trailed off.
"Are you scared of him?"
"What?" Harry looked up, astonished.
"It's okay if you are." Liam said, his eyes calm and warming.
"Im not-I'm not scared." Harry shook his head. "He didn't mean to hurt me."
"I don't like this but... fine, go home but call me if anything happens and text me everyday. Okay?" Liam stood up, Harry standing up too.
"Okay. Thanks, Li."
Liam pulled Harry into a hug. "Don't forgive him too easy. But...I don't think he meant to hurt you, no matter how stupid he was and how mad I am at him. And I really want to talk to him-"
"Don't. This is between us. I can figure it out. But I promise to call you if I need to."
Liam nodded, pulling back from the hug. "Okay."
~
When Harry got back from meeting Liam, the house was empty, all the lights were off and Louis was no where to be seen. Harry had expected to find a note or even a text saying where he'd gone but there was nothing.
He wasn't still mad was he? Harry hoped he wasn't. Realising he still had the broken vase up in the spare room he decided to go fix that... well try to anyway.
Before he went to go fix it he walked into the bedroom to grab some of his clothes, books, and any other items he wanted while he stayed in the spare room for a few days. He didn't know wether Louis wanted him sleeping in same place as him or not, so to stay on the safe side he'd stay away for a bit.
For the rest of the day Harry was sat in the spare room, putting all the pieces of the vase back together and gluing them, then ungluing them when he realised it was the wrong piece. He'd heard Louis get home a few hours ago but he never heard his footsteps go upstairs, it still seemed like he was alone in the house.
It was safe to say that dinner was awkward. Normally Harry cooked for both of them but tonight he didn't know what was happening so at just after half past six he walked downstairs to find Louis already in the kitchen putting food onto two plates.
He stopped in the doorway when Louis looked up at him before looking back down again. "I Uh- I made you dinner. You don't have to eat it, you can make something else, I don't think it's great but... yeah." Louis pushed Harry's plate across the counter closer to him as he turned around to start washing up the pots he'd used.
"Thank you." Harry whispered, leaning forward to grab the plate before turning around and heading for the table. While he ate he figured he should probably try and talk to Louis about the other night, but something about that made his stomach turn uncomfortably.
It was only when Harry had finished his dinner that he noticed that Louis had never come to sit at the table to eat, and as he was taking his plate back to the kitchen he saw Louis' office door open slightly and inside the blue eyed man was sat at his desk moving the food around on his plate with a fork, staring mindlessly at it.
He was going to go in there and talk to him but his nerves got the best of him and he turned around heading back for the kitchen.
The rest of the evening he spent watching Netflix, Louis still hadn't left his office but as Harry finished watching another film he stood up, determined to go and speak to Louis.
When he reached the office, the door was open more and he could hear Louis shouting and see him pacing the room with a hand in his hair. "And you can tell him that he's a fucking asshole! I said I was having a few days off, it's not a fucking crime!"
Harry's eyes widened as he froze in the doorway, he could still hear Louis shouting at him last night, right before he threw the glass.
Fucking look at it.
You can't fucking fix that.
"I'll deal with him when I get back but im not coming back until-" Louis' shouting stopped when he turned and noticed his boyfriend stood in the doorway with an anxious expression and he sighed, slumping his shoulders. "Harry." He stepped forward but stopped when Harry stepped back. Louis closed his eyes and turned around walking back to the other side of the room, sitting down, his phone still pressed to his ear. "Listen just, tell him I'll sort it out when I get back." He said a lot quieter, eyes avoiding Harry who was still stood -a little further away- outside his office.
With nerves filling his body Harry walked away from the office and towards the stairs. He really didn't want to admit it, but maybe after yesterday Harry was a little scared of Louis, mainly only when he shouts. And he really didn't want to be, he loved Louis, truly he did, but he couldn't help feeling anxious when he saw him getting mad.
Before last night Louis had never even aimed his anger at Harry, he'd never physically hurt him, or mentally which is why Harry didn't think Louis meant to scare him. Their whole relationship he'd been perfect, caring, loving.
Maybe that was why it shocked Harry more than he'd like to admit, because it was so unlike Louis that it was even more confusing.
That night (just like last night) Louis didn't say goodnight like he had every night for as long as Harry could remember. Instead Harry was sat in his bed as he listened to Louis' footsteps heading into the bedroom then the door closing. Then silence.
Harry wasn't sure who was trying to avoid the other more.
~
When Harry woke up around 2am he tried to fall asleep again but something wasn't allowing him to, so he got out of bed and decided to head downstairs and get a drink.
He was about to walk into the kitchen when he noticed a light on in the living room, he walked closer and saw Louis sat on the couch with his head in his hands and elbows on his knees.
Louis' head snapped up when a floorboard creaked under Harry's foot, he looked at his boyfriend with an unrecognisable expression when he saw him still walking closer.
Then just as Harry was debating wether or not to sit down on the couch with him, Louis stood up and walked further away. "You can sit down." He mumbled, turning to face the window and watch the soft, slow fall of rain.
"You don't have to stand over there." Harry replied, looking at his back.
"I do." Louis answered easily. "I know I do because you're afraid of me and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or worried."
"I'm not afraid of you." Harry denied, watching as Louis took a deep breath in.
"You are." He said as he turned around to face his boyfriend. "You are and that's okay because I hurt you. And it kills me that I did, but it's my fault. So it's okay." He looked down at the floor. "And if you want...you can go, you don't have to stay here. Or-or I can go. I'll go and find a hotel for a few days... or longer. I can go and you don't have to see me again." He tried to take a deep breath in but his breathing faltered slightly. "I won't get...m-mad at you or anything. Just let me know and I'll pack my things."
"You don't have to do that." Harry whispered, his voice quiet.
"But I should." Louis looked towards Harry, his expression serious. "I-I could have really hurt you. If it just got a little closer... I could have-it would have been bad and I wouldn't forgive myself for that so I don't expect you to forgive me either because I was so stupid, I shouldn't have been drunk, I shouldn't have thrown something. And I hate that I can't go back and change what I did. God- I could've hurt you. More than I did." He shook his head, one of his hands running over his face.
"Louis- I don't hate you. I don't know what I feel, okay?" Harry sighed. "But you don't have to go anywhere."
"But I don't want you to feel like you're trapped. Or like you're worried I'll get mad because I saw the way you looked at me and acted and I don't blame you for that reaction but I hate that I'm reason you feel that way. And you can go. Im not a bad guy, I swear I'm not, and I'm not making you stay. Don't stay 'cause you're scared of me."
"I'm not staying because I'm scared. I'm staying because I don't see a real reason to go." Harry saw Louis subtly shake his head as he looked away again. "I'm just... a little shaken and I was shocked. But just... give me time. I just need some time to relax and remind myself who you are and that you'd never intentionally hurt me."
Louis shook his head, but still refused to turn around. "I wouldn't, I didn't mean for it to happen-"
"I know. Just give me some time." Harry watched Louis as he brought a hand up to his face.
Louis nodded, not moving or turning around, just still.
Harry stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen to grab his drink and took one last look at Louis, who was still in the same position, before heading back to bed.
~
The next morning Harry went downstairs and was immediately greeted with the sight of Louis making breakfast he sounded like he was muttering to himself while he glanced from his phone to the bowl he was mixing.
"That doesn't look quite right..." Louis mumbled, not realising Harry was stood in the doorway. "Is it supposed to be lumpy?" There was a pause as his figure shifted to the side, reading his phone. "No. Apparently it's not."
"You're not trying to poison me are you?" Harry spoke up, his voice not as confident as it normally was.
Louis spun around, looking slightly startled before he relaxed seeing Harry's figure. "Hi."
Harry smiled, hesitating wether or not to go into the kitchen. He hated this feeling. The one that held him back from being normal around the person he loved. But he knew time would be best, as in time his mind would be able to relax and forget about the incident.
"I...tried making breakfast but I don't think it went well." Louis looked sheepishly behind him.
"It's okay, I was gonna head out to my mums for the day anyway." Harry stated, shifting awkwardly in the doorway.
"Oh." Louis nodded. "Okay, well...I guess I should go to work then."
Harry nodded, both of them falling into a uncomfortable silence. "Im gonna get myself ready... so I'll see you later." Harry said and turned to walk away after seeing Louis nod.
He couldn't help but feel guilty knowing he was just walking away from Louis, but it was only for a day and he figured a day with his mum would be just what he needed to relax and get a step in the right direction of no longer being... afraid of Louis.
He headed off for his mums and when he got there he was overjoyed to see her, they spent most of the day in the garden talking, and then later in the day they headed into the town.
But the time came when he needed to start heading home, so he said goodbye to his mum and got into his car.
The drive home was quiet, normally Louis is in the passenger seat complaining about something that's totally stupid, or he's telling random stories.
He got back home at nearing 10pm and he assumed Louis would either still be at work or he'd be in the bedroom, so he walked in the house and was completely surprised to see a bunch of candles lit across the floor, leading a trail towards the living room.
"What the..." Harry placed his car keys down on the ledge on the wall and slowly slipped his shoes off. "Louis?" He called into the dimly lit house, but he received no reply.
Slowly he followed the trail of light further into the house as it lead him towards the living room, his breath faltered when he saw Louis stood by the tv which was paused at the beginning of the notebook.
Harry's eyes scanned the room and saw a bottle of red wine on the table and the blankets on the couch. There was candles sat on the table, the flame shaking as it got brighter.
He stepped further into the room as Louis shifted on his feet before quickly placing the tv remote down on the table before stepping back again. He cleared his throat and spoke up. "I-I know what I did and I'm hoping that in time you'll forgive me. If you don't that's fine too." Harry stepped closer to the couch as Louis continued. "But until you make up your mind about wether or not to give me another chance I want to remind you of how much I do love you. And that I'm so so sorry about what happened."
He started moving towards the door, walking the long way so he didn't go too close to Harry. "So, I thought you'd like a relaxing night. To yourself. I got the notebook because I know you like it- but you can watch whatever you want. And I got you something to drink and there's some pastries I bought in the kitchen. So yeah. I'll be in my office if you need anything. I can go out and get stuff if you want it. But you can just relax here."
Harry ran his hand over the soft material of the blanket and looked to Louis with a small smile. "Thank you."
Louis nodded and sent Harry a quick smile before he disappeared out the room, leaving Harry in the dim light. He looked around again, taking in how nice everything looked and felt and he could feel his heart ache.
He sat down on the couch and wished he could just go into Louis' office and say he's forgiven, that it doesn't matter but he knows he's still not ready. Maybe in a few days once he's fully processed it.
He knows he will more than likely forgive Louis but he just doesn't know when.
Harry watched the notebook while drinking wine and eating the pastries Louis bought, then once the movie was over he selected another and continued watching until around midnight when he decided he should probably head up to bed.
He turned off the tv and blew out the candles that had half melted before heading for the stairs. Passing through the hallway he saw a light coming from Louis' office and he was confused as he had assumed Louis had gone to bed a while ago but clearly not.
Hesitating for a minute Harry took a step towards the office, he pushed the door open more and watched as Louis lifted his head from where he was writing something at his desk.
"Everything okay?" Louis asked, his voice quiet as he placed his pen down. Harry stepped further into the room and nodded.
He saw the dark circles under Louis' eyes, he'd always had faint ones recently due to his work schedule but looking at him now they seemed darker.
"I wanted to thank you again for setting everything up for me. It was nice." Harry said quietly with a smile.
"You don't need to thank me." Louis said as he traced the edges of his keyboard to avoid looking at Harry for too long.
"I wanted to." Harry took a deep breath and stepped back. "I'm going to bed now so I just wanted to tell you before I forgot. So thanks."
Louis nodded, lifting his eyes briefly. "Goodnight." He smiled a little and watched as Harry left the room.
~
Next morning Harry woke up early, it was probably to do with how harsh the rain was beating against the windows and he'd always been a light sleeper. Normally Louis would just wrap his arms around him and keep him enclosed in his warmth until he fell asleep again.
But as he woke up and recognised the walls of the spare room he knew he wouldn't have that. So he pushed himself up in his bed and looked around the room. His eyes fell on the broken vase that was still sat on the table in the corner of the room. He stared at it for a moment before dragging the covers off and standing up.
He walked over and pulled the curtains open as he did so, and then sat down at the desk. He spread out the broken pieces and started organising them so he knew what went where.
He still wanted to fix the vase. He felt horrible that he was the reason it was broken. It was an accident, and he knew that but he also knew how much the price of decor meant to his boyfriend.
He didn't want to head downstairs yet, it was far too early and he didn't feel like making breakfast at this time, so he sat in the black chair and tried to put the vase back together.
Harry listened to the noises of the house as he glued pieces in place and held them, twisting the chair a bit as he waited for it dry. He crossed his ankles together and itched just above his eyebrow before grabbing what he thought was the next right piece.
In a way it was like doing a puzzle. One he hoped he could solve.
He had a feeling Louis may still be mad at him for breaking it and he still felt guilty. So maybe this would help them.
But realistically Harry knew their problems laid deeper than broken glass. He just didn't want to dig deeper and pull at the roots of their issues, he didn't want to make things worse. He just wanted his boyfriend back. But his mind wouldn't let him.
His body however, craved him. Along with his heart, they longed to feel Louis' touch. Ached to have him close again. To hear his laugh. But his mind was saying he needed to wait.
What happened was something serious. Things could have gone wrong and even though Louis apologised Harry was still partially afraid. What if he got mad again?
As Harry stuck another piece back into place he started to remember years ago when they had broken up for a period of time. The deep, hidden pain he felt then was what he felt now.
The type of pain you try to ignore and push away but instead it burrows itself deeper into your bones so every step you take you can feel the weight of what you've lost. Like a bell ringing in your head constantly reminding you you're half a person.
Because he was. Louis was a part of him. So when he wasn't around he could feel his absence in everything he did. Because he was less without Louis.
He stayed in his room for almost two hours, and by the time his hands started to get tired and his stomach was rumbling the vase was already nearing half way done. There was little gaps that Harry would have to find something to fill it with but it didn't look too bad.
He grabbed a hoodie off the back of the chair and then walked out the room, heading downstairs.
He did not expect however to reach the kitchen and see Louis putting pancakes onto a plate, a chopping board covered with strawberries and bananas next to it. Louis hadn't noticed him yet, too busy trying to stack the pancakes and then reaching for the chopping board and meticulously and individually moving each piece of fruit onto a specific place on the plate.
It was only when he looked up to grab a mug and turned around that he saw Harry stood in the doorway and he froze, looking between the mug and Harry before smiling and slowly placing it on the counter.
Then carefully moving to the blender and pouring out a smoothie into the mug. He then silently pushed the plate and mug towards the other side of the kitchen island, towards Harry before stepping back.
"I didn't know if you'd eaten yet. But I made this in case you hadn't." Louis said quietly gesturing to the plate. "It's not a lot but I'm not a great chef so...I tried."
Harry nodded, stepping closer. "Thanks." He grabbed the knife and fork that was near the plate and sat down on the bar stool.
"I'll let you eat." Louis said as he grabbed a mug next to him and a bowl that looked like it contained cereal before walking out the room and towards his office.
The distance between them was only a few doors and walls but Harry felt like it was mountains and deserts. He had never felt so disconnected from
Louis before, he wasn't sure he liked it.
Sure he had wanted space to think about how he felt but this felt like too far much space, he missed Louis kicking his feet under the table, he missed Louis stealing pieces of his food, he missed Louis' jokes he'd tell when making tea and he missed his presence as a whole.
Although as he looked down at his pancakes he couldn't help but smile at how hard Louis was trying to be sweet without possibly pushing any boundaries.
Once he finished he washed up the plate and mug and dried them before heading upstairs to get changed. He had to go to work but he wasn't sure for how long. He also wasn't sure if Louis needed to go to work or not. He hadn't really been going anywhere lately. Not that Harry knew of.
He showered and changed his clothes before grabbing all his things and heading to the door, he saw Louis sat on the couch reading something on his phone and he slowly stepped into the room.
"Uhh-I wanted to let you know I'm going to work." Harry said as Louis turned around and stayed quiet for a moment before nodding.
"Okay." He turned back around and seemed like he hesitated before turning around again. "I-I wanted to ask how your arm was?"
Harry froze for a moment, honestly he had forgotten about that. It didn't hurt anymore. It was just a small cut on his forearm that was already healing. He pulled up his sleeve and said, "It's fine. See?" Then showed his forearm to Louis who nodded with a conflicted look. "Well I better go."
With that Harry walked out the room understanding Louis wasn't going to say anything else. He left and headed to work, trying to clear his mind.
Louis however was staring at the glass table in front of him, his reflection staring back at him. He hated who he saw. Someone who had hurt the person who loved every inch of him was staring back at him and he hated it. He hated what he'd done. He just hoped that Harry could forgive him.
It must have been an hour or so later that there was a knock at the door, he wasn't expecting anyone so unless it was someone coming to see Harry he didn't know who it could be.
He stood up anyway and walked to the door and was surprised to see Liam stood there. "Oh. Hi." He greeted.
"We need to talk."
Louis nodded, steeping back. He knew this was going to happen, ever since he'd called him that night and said he'd done something stupid and then Liam had hung up on him, he hadn't texted him at all.
"Are you an idiot or something?" Liam asked as he walked into the house, his posture tense. "How could you do something so idiotically stupid. You could have really hurt him, Louis."
Louis didn't say anything. He already knew this.
"Harry told me not to get involved so I'm trying not to but I just needed to speak to you and say something." Liam continued as he looked at his friend. "He said you're trying to make things up to him so I hope that you're busting your ass off."
"I didn't mean to."
"That doesn't matter now. It still happened. Wether it was an accident because of drunken anger or not-"
"It was accident. I would never, ever intentionally hurt him. I didn't even know what was happening." Louis shook his head. "One minute I was holding an empty glass and then the vase fell and I just lost it and I just threw it. Not at him. I didn't meant for it to go anywhere near him. I didn't- It was- I don't-"
"Alright. I understand." Liam said, his hand gripping Louis' shoulder to stop him from spiralling. "Just-try fucking hard to get him back. And don't ever put him in that kind of situation again."
"I won't. I promise Im trying, Liam, I am."
Liam nodded and looked at his friend for a moment longer before heading for the door. "Don't ruin this, Louis. He's good."
"I know." Louis whispered as the door shut behind Liam.
~
When Harry got home from work he wasn't surprised to see Louis had made him dinner again. It was just a simple spaghetti dish but the thought that Louis had to Google how to make it just for him made his heart constrict.
Louis had set it out on the table, with another candle and then left Harry to eat it alone. He wondered why Louis kept leaving him alone, he knew he asked Louis for time but he didn't say he couldn't even sit and eat dinner with him.
The thought was plaguing him the entire time he ate and he realised that he wanted to talk to Louis about it. Let him know that he could actually eat dinner at the table in his own house.
Louis either takes it into his office or stays in the kitchen. Depending where Harry is.
So later that night when Louis was sat on the two seater couch that was in the corner of the living room by the bookcase, reading a book, Harry walked up to him.
Louis closed the book when Harry stopped in front of him and looked up. "You okay?" He asked, voice sounding quiet as he sat up higher but his eyes didn't stay on Harry for long before he was looking to the cover of his book.
"You know you can eat dinner with me. I'm not exiling you to another room." Harry said, shifting on his feet.
"I know that." Louis said, his finger tracing the words on the spine of the book. "Just thought it'd be better s'all." He shrugged.
Harry sighed when he still wouldn't look up at him. "Can you look at me?"
Louis shook his head and Harry frowned. "I can't."
"Why?" Harry asked. His voice as quiet as Louis'.
It was silent for a moment and Harry was starting to doubt he'd say anything at all. But then he moved the book to the side and said, "Because I'm worried I'll look at you and see how much you're afraid of me." Harry's breathing stopped for a second, not expecting that response. "I'm worried that I'll look in your eyes and not see the love I used to see. And I know that's my fault."
"I'm not... afraid of you, Louis." Harry sighed. "I just- for a moment you scared me, I won't deny that. Because you were so angry and I didn't see you when threw the glass. That wasn't you. That was someone else who did scare me." He watched as Louis slowly lifted his head. "Can we talk about it? I think we should."
Louis met his eyes for a moment and nodded. He waited until Harry sat down on the armrest of the couch that was a few feet away before speaking. "Harry, I'm never going to stop saying how sorry I am. I hurt you. And I scared you. And for that I'm so sorry. I couldn't think clearly and everything was just foggy, I was upset and then angry and I reacted on impulse and didn't even think that the glass would have come near you. It was reckless and dangerous and stupid. And I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I promise you that. I don't know how much my word means to you anymore, but I will get on my knees and beg you just to believe that I won't ever hurt you again."
This was the longest Louis had held eye contact with him since the incident. "I know. I know it was an accident and I'm sorry for-"
"You don't need to say sorry, this is my fault not yours."
"I broke the vase and for that I'm sorry." Harry finished anyway. "And I know that you never meant to hurt me. I get that. But...you were so mad and it did scare me. I'd never seen you like that, not that mad. And after I'm not going to lie to you but I didn't want to go near you because I was worried about how you would act." Harry almost stopped talking when he saw the pain in Louis' eyes but he knew they needed to discuss every aspect of this. "I was afraid for a while to go near you and... part of me still is but it's just a reaction. I don't hate you or want to break up I just need time. I will forgive you. Not yet. But I just need time to get back to normal. And after having this conversation I think it will be easier."
Louis nodded, still looking at Harry even though he looked like he was in physical pain when hearing these things.
Harry paused for a second before continuing, "We can't just pretend it never happened because that doesn't solve anything. But we can acknowledge it and then move on in time. I'm not holding anything against you. I'm sorry for causing you to get upset. But I need you to promise me that you won't drink to that extent again, or get that angry and become like that again."
"I promise. I promise with everything in me that I won't ever do that again. I threw out all the other alcoholic drinks we had the next morning and you won't ever see me like that again. I can promise you that, Harry, I can."
Harry nodded. "Okay." He took in a deep breath. "I think it's best if for now I stay in the spare room just for a little longer."
"Do whatever you need. Take as long as you want. Tell me to leave if you want just do what you need because I don't want you feeling scared in your own house because of me." Louis said instantly.
"I'm not scared of you now, Louis. It was just initially. Now I get that you would never hurt me intentionally but I still need time and I'm grateful you understand that. We just need to take things slow." Harry looked to the book Louis was reading and noticed it was one that used to be in Harry's apartment before they got together, he had given to Louis years ago to read but never got it back, he couldn't help but smile slightly. "We're gonna be fine."
Louis adjusted his shirt a little as it was sat awkwardly and looked back to Harry. "I am still so sorry-"
"Louis, I know. You don't need to keep saying it. We're moving past it. In time it will all be fine."
Louis nodded and tucked his foot under his bum. "Thank you Harry. Honestly thank you for giving me another chance. I don't deserve it but thank you, you won't regret it."
"People deserve second chances. And you're one of them. What happened was wrong, and shouldn't have happened but you are already very aware of that and I don't need to scold you like a child when you already know. So you deserve a chance to fix it."
"Thank you." Louis whispered, his throat sounding clogged.
Harry nodded, smiled and stood up. "Anything else?"
Louis shook his head.
"Alright, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted." Harry said as Louis stayed seated.
"Goodnight." He said, his hand reaching out to grab his book.
Harry whispered goodnight back to him and headed for the stairs feeling rather light after having that conversation. It was needed and now he felt better.
Everything would be fine in time.
~
It had been six days since they'd had their conversation about what happened. Since then, Louis had cooked breakfast most mornings, and dinner but the difference was he'd actually stay and eat with Harry now.
They still slept in separate rooms and hadn't really touched but Harry was just glad that they were talking again, it felt like less of a distance was between them.
Somewhere over the last week Harry had stopped being afraid of Louis, he'd been able to settle into a comfortable feeling when he was around. He trusted that Louis wouldn't hurt him.
Although a few days ago when Louis had been talking to his manager over the phone he'd gotten angry. Both he and Harry were stood in the kitchen while they cooked dinner and Louis had answered his phone while Harry stood next to him, watching the food cook.
Pretty quickly Harry could hear shouting from the other line and Louis responded calmly until something was said and he yelled into the phone. Harry had thought someone had said his name but didn't have time to be sure as he was stepping back from Louis with worried eyes.
It felt like that moment in the kitchen again just before Louis threw the glass and Harry's heart started to beat faster as he stared at Louis with wide eyes.
When Louis looked up and saw Harry stood a few steps back with glassy eyes his face dropped and he dropped his phone to the counter before stepping towards Harry who stayed tense.
But what shocked Harry was Louis dropped to his knees in front of him and held Harry's limp hands in his own while repeating, "I'm sorry." Harry's mouth dropped open in surprise as Louis' voice became clogged - almost like he was crying. He was still muttering apologies while grasping at Harry's hands, his head pressed into their joined hands.
Harry had rarely seen Louis cry in all the years they'd been together but in that moment Louis was on his knees, crying into their hands saying how he'd ruined everything. Harry had moved his hands to gently stroke through Louis hair in comfort, whispering, "it's okay" to him.
It was that night that Harry realised just how much Louis regretted what he did and it was that night that really changed how jumpy Harry was around him because looking at Louis that night he could tell he would never hurt him like he had, not with such a big risk on the line.
The risk of losing Harry.
So the days that followed Louis had left for work and Harry had a few days off so he spent them fixing the vase which was now -after a week- fixed. Sort of. It didn't look quite right, and it still had some tiny holes in it from pieces that hadn't been found but Harry had tried his best.
Harry had just got out the bath that Louis had run for him, using his favourite scents, and was getting changed again while Louis cooked dinner for them.
Once he got downstairs, he saw a few candles on the table, a movie playing on the tv in the living room and a few blankets on the couch. He walked into the living room and saw Louis putting the last few pieces of food onto plates.
He looked up at Harry and smiled. Harry smiled back. "Thanks for running the bath, it's was really nice."
Louis just smiled wider and nodded slightly, putting the pan into the sink before grabbing the plates and taking them to the kitchen where there was two glasses, one filled with wine, the other filled with coke.
They both sat down and began eating, Harry started talking about his day at work while Louis listened intently.
Harry realised he could talk about anything and Louis would always have his eyes on him, looking like what he was saying was the most interesting thing ever.
After dinner Harry helped clean up and then the two went into the living room. Louis sat down and just when Harry was about to he gasped and quickly turned around. Louis looked at him worriedly, getting ready to move when Harry grinned and quickly ran towards the stairs.
Louis watched after him with a confused expression, slowly sitting back down. Harry came walking into the room a few minutes later, holding something behind his back.
"I-I have something for you." He said timidly, stopping in front of Louis, hands still behind his back. "It's not perfect but I thought you might like it."
Louis nodded slowly, "okay." He still seemed confused as he looked up at his boyfriend.
"So, it's not great, but I tried to fix it and I think I did okay." He moved his arms and slowly brought the vase into Louis' view. "It's got holes in places and I'm missing little pieces and I know it doesn't look the same-"
"It's perfect." Louis cut him off. Harry looked at him to see his eyes shimmering in the light and the way his teeth were biting into his bottom lip as if to stop himself crying as he looked at the vase. "You didn't have to fix it."
"I wanted to. I broke it."
"It was an accident. You didn't break it." Louis clarified, standing up and gently reaching his hands out to take the vase in his hands. "Thank you." He whispered, looking into Harry's green eyes. "Really. It means a lot that you fixed it. It's perfect."
Harry smiled, his cheeks heating and his pale skin turning a soft pink colour as he nodded at Louis. "You're welcome."
He watched Louis place it down onto the coffee table before looking back to him.
And suddenly Harry felt even more warm, Louis' gaze was lighting him up like a match, fire spreading across his skin in delicate waves. Their eyes were locked together, nothing else could disturb them, not even the pelting rain against the window, not the slow rumble of thunder. Nothing.
Every word said, every action done in the last few days didn't feel like enough. Harry felt the full force of how much he'd missed Louis' touch all at once and it felt like a hunger eating at him, cracking his bones and hallowing him out.
He felt like he needed more oxygen, with each step Louis took closer the feeling of starvation increased but he also noticed he could breathe better the closer his boyfriend got. He realised Louis didn't take away his oxygen, he gave it to him. He filled him with air to breathe.
Eventually Louis stopped when he was directly in front of Harry. And carefully, very carefully, he lifted his hand and brought his palm to Harry's cheek. Gently, he pressed his palm to the hot skin and ran his thumb along Harry's cheekbone in soft motion.
Harry almost melted. He let out a soft sigh, his green eyes running all over Louis' face, taking in every detail. It had been far too long since he'd been this close to him and now everything felt right again.
The world began spinning the right way again when Louis brought his face closer and brushed his lips against Harry's forehead, putting a small amount of pressure before pulling away slightly. "Thank you, H." He whispered, his thumb still stroking over Harry's cheekbone, his other hand moving to Harry's other cheek and doing the same.
Harry couldn't hold off any longer and he brought his hands up to hold onto Louis' wrists, just so he could touch him. "I-" He took a deep breath and looked into the blue eyes of the man he loved. "I love you." He said, his voice no higher than the wind raging outside but Louis smiled.
He beamed and leant his head forward to rest against Harry's murmuring, "God I love you too. I love you so much it hurts. I've never loved someone as much as you, Harry and I'm so sorry. I am. I'm never going to stop being sorry because it was the worst mistake of my life and the fear of losing you was unbearable because you are the air I breathe. You are the warmth I need and without you I wouldn't be able to do anything. I love you."
Harry closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax in the safety of Louis' words. "I forgive you." Harry said a moment later, his voice louder. "I forgive you for what happened. I trust you when you say it won't happen again. And I believe that you're sorry. I forgive you, so let's just move on so I can love you without anything in the way."
Louis leaned his head back and nodded, "Thank you." He whispered again before leaning forward and finally pressing his lips to Harry's. It wasn't too rough but it wasn't too light either.
It was just enough to communicate how much he loved him, to say how sorry he was, to show how much he missed him. And Harry understood it all and kissed back with his own meanings.
Louis' arms wrapped around Harry's neck, pulling him closer as he kissed him harder, Harry's hands gripping Louis' hips as he kissed back with the same force.
They stumbled onto the couch, Harry falling on top of Louis as their lips broke apart. He started laughing at how they'd landed on each other, legs tangled, and rested his chin on Louis' chest looking up at his face.
Louis' eyes were drinking in every detail of Harry as his hands mapped his skin, running over every curve and dip. "I love you, Harry Styles." He repeated as Harry smiled wider and watched as he tilted his chin down and kissed Louis' shirt-clad chest.
"And I love you, Louis Tomlinson."
~
It had been a few weeks since Harry had told Louis he'd forgiven him and the couple were practically back to normal. There was no uneasiness in the air, there was no guilt hanging in dark corners everything felt normal again. Harry couldn't be happier about it, neither could Louis.
They had gone back to acting like they always had with each other, they joked and teased each other, they laughed and kissed each other and most importantly they cared and loved each other.
Louis was sat on the bed while Harry stood in front of it while reenacting what this lady had done in the store earlier. Louis was sat with his back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him as he watched Harry with an amused expression.
When his phone rang he looked at it and his smile dropped, Harry noticed and stopped what he was doing as he moved closer to the bed when Louis hit the green answer button.
The first half of the call consisted of Louis nodded with a bored expression, but then his body went tense and Harry was watching as he saw the anger fill Louis' eyes.
But he wasn't afraid or scared of how Louis would react because they'd talked about this a little while ago and why Louis' management made him so mad.
And instead of getting mad and shouting down the line Louis took a deep breath and just like Harry expected his blue eyes flicked to him. Louis looked at Harry who smiled at him and all the anger left his body, he then continued to speak with a calm but stern tone to however in his label was calling him.
Then he hung up the phone and dropped it onto the mattress. He said nothing, instead opened his arms wide and Harry smiled wider before climbing up onto the bed and into Louis' awaiting arms.
He laid his body down on top of his boyfriends and let out a relaxed sigh when arms wrapped around him, holding him close. He leaned his head up and kissed Louis' neck. "Well done. I know they're horrible." He whispered, kissing his skin again.
Louis sighed into Harry's hair. "I should be thanking you. I'm only able to relax because of you, it's like you flick a switch that just lets go of all my anger every time I look at you." He laughed a little. "Who knows what I'd do without you."
"You don't need to wonder that." Harry said as Louis kissed his head. "You have me. You'll always have me."
Louis smiled into Harry's soft, brown hair. "That sounds perfect." He ran his hand down Harry's back. "I'm never going to stop loving you."
Harry hugged Louis' body tighter and whispered, "Me neither, Lou. You're the end for me. The best end."
~
Two years later.
Louis' face broke out into a smile when the doors opened and Harry walked out of them in his perfectly fitted suit. Nothing had ever felt so right than this.
Harry was holding back tears as he looked at his fiancé at the end of the aisle. His mum was holding his arm as she lead him down and all the guests watched with happy smiles.
Louis had kept his word and he never excessively drank and he had gotten very good at keeping calm which he still thanks Harry for. He never made Harry feel afraid again and never got angry at him. Over the years he'd left his management company and got with another one that was a lot nicer and just overall better.
Eight months ago Louis had asked Harry to marry him. He'd been planning it for so long and finally got the courage to do it when they were on holiday in Greece. They were sat on a boat in the middle of the ocean but it just felt right. The sun was setting and the sound of the water against the boat was almost mesmerising.
Harry had been sat in front of Louis with his back pressed into Louis' chest, watching the sun dip beneath the horizon.
Louis had started whispering things in Harry's ear, saying how much he loved him and how he'd never find someone as beautiful and perfect for him like Harry is.
He'd reached into his pocket with his spare hand and pulled out a box, his other hand was still wrapped around Harry's stomach, too anxious to let him go.
They had both said they didn't care much for the wedding, they just wanted to be married.
Harry's breath had faltered when he saw the box and he turned around slightly in Louis' arms to look at him with a shocked face. Louis' arm was still holding Harry when the box was opened and silver ring was shining at them, reflecting the suns limited light.
"I probably should have got down on one knee for this." Louis laughed as Harry stared at the ring in awe but when Louis went to move to 'do it properly' Harry had gripped the arm that was around him to hold him in place.
"No, keep holding me. This is better." Harry had said as tears formed in his eyes.
"I kinda need an answer, my love. You're making me nervous." Louis whispered with a laugh, kissing Harry's shoulder.
"Yes. Of course yes!" Harry turned around and hurriedly pressed his lips to Louis' knocking them both back into a lying position onto the bench. "Of course I'll marry you." He mumbled against his lips, before pulling back slightly.
Louis smiled wider than he ever had before and moved the ring out of the box and onto Harry's finger, sliding it on easily.
And now after months of deciding what they were going to do they had settled on a small venue with only their close friends and family.
Louis had walked down the aisle first and then waited at the alter for Harry who had now almost reached him.
A tear fell down Louis' face that he hadn't even noticed and he quickly wiped it away as he continued to watch Harry walk towards him who seemed to be fighting his own tears.
He stopped at the end of the aisle and kissed Anne who whispered something to him before looking to Louis and smiling at him and then moving to sit down.
Harry walked the extra way until he was stood opposite Louis and when they looked into each others eyes everything seemed to fit into place. Like their puzzle was almost finally completed.
And when the rings were placed on both of their fingers the final piece fell into place. The puzzle was complete. And when their lips joined in a kiss the only thing either of them could feel was endless, captivating love.
The puzzle may be finished and all the pieces may finally be in place but that doesn't mean their story is over, far from it. It just means it's the start of something new, a new puzzle or a new chapter, it didn't matter, as long as they were together that's all they cared about.
And it was all that mattered.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't really know how to end it so I hope it's okay! Also congratulations to anyone doing GCSE's we're half way done. And good luck to anyone else doing exams. I hope you all enjoyed this one.
Don't forget to eat and drink something today even if it's small. I love you <33
You deserve someone who is terrified to lose you - Unknown
When there is anger there is always pain underneath - Eckhart Tolle