CW: R*pe and S*xual violence is mentioned
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Nyx just looked at her as she removed the necklace, letting the sweet scent of her pregnancy fill the room, and revealing her very swollen belly. They had moved down to the living room.
"Please... Don't look..." Evalyn said and placed her hands on the table. "It... It is hard enough without someone staring." Nyx looked up to meet her eyes.
"So... Why?" He asked, trying to understand what had happened to make her conceal this for so long. Gina's guesses from the night before came to mind... Nyx swallowed and he started to put the pieces together.
"Nine months ago, I was in the Dawn Court, visiting my father and at the same time doing some work on healing Peregryn wings. On my last night there, there was a party. Or, a feast may be a more suitable word for it. I... I started to make out with a male, but... But he started to be too rough for my taste..." Her voice choked and Nyx could only hold his breath.
"When I asked him to back off and told him that I didn't want to go any further, he pressed on, and... I am still not sure how... He pressed me to the ground. He took off my clothes... And he raped me." Evalyn held her eyes on Nyx as she spoke, every word was like a dagger to his skin. "I didn't try to fight him off, or scream, or call out for help. I didn't do anything. I just froze up, and let him do that... And with the music and the party... No one could have heard me anyways. I am not sure how long it took before he was done, or how long I was left there on the ground alone before anyone found me. Luna was not allowed to come, for obvious reasons, Kira was back in Velaris... I... I was alone." Nyx didn't know what to say.
"I am regarded as one of, if not the most powerful healer alive. Madja and my mother have speculated that I might even have the power to bring back the dead. But that comes at a high cost. I can't, literally can't, get hurt." She picked up one of his dangers from the table and before Nyx could respond, she pressed it against her skin. But instead of blood seeping out and a cut forming, her skin closed behind the knife as she was dragging it over her skin. No scar, no blood... Nyx drew a breath again.
"No tonics work on me. Not to dull any pain, no contraception... And no tonic that can end a pregnancy." Evalyn went silent. Tears were falling from her eyes onto her cheeks before continuing down her neck. "I... I didn't have a choice. My body, my magic, took that away from me... I tried. Trust me Nyx, I tried in more ways than you can imagine, but nothing helped... My mom tried..."
"Who... Who knows?" Nyx then asked, hoping she wasn't alone.
"My mother told Luna what had happened and she came by... Finding me..." Her voice died out and her mind opened up... I tried to kill myself... Just to not be forced to do this... The words entered his head. Clear and strong. Nyx took her hand on instinct, holding it in a firm grip. "Kira knew shortly after... Feyre knows... Madja.. But beyond them no one. Mom made one of these charms for me to keep it hidden from the rest, and from me. But wearing it has its price." The memory of Nesta vomiting in a bowl, the tired eyes of Evalyn...
"The normal symptoms get multiplied... And then... when it starts to show... Instead of the normal more gentle pushes, it feels like stabbing. Everything hurts all the time... And I know, I could just stay inside, wait it all out... But that... That feels more like hiding than this..." Evalyn was still crying, her hand still in Nyx's.
"Evalyn..."
"I... I travelled here to get away for a moment. To learn more about Illyrians, yes, but mostly to get away." She looked down to her belly. "Nine months... Almost ten... And I still don't know what to do when it is time... If I can keep it, give it away... Handle the pain... Handle the sorrow." She wiped away some of her tears, taking her hand back from Nyx, who still had not moved.
"So no, Nyx, I am not fine. I am far from fine. And soon, I need to handle something that should be wonderful and magical... But for me, it is just more pain and suffering."
"Evalyn... I... I don't know what to say..."
"Then don't..." She moved to pick up the charm, but Nyx took her hand. "Nyx..."
"Just... I don't like to see you in pain like that... I understand the others... But here... I can glamour and place shields over the house. Make sure no one sees you..." He almost felt desperate. "I can talk about other things, act like nothing. But... Please, don't let me see you in pain like that..."
"It is my choice." She took her hand back. "Just respect that."
"I can't see one of my friends in pain..."
"Friend?" Evalyn asked back.
"Yes... A friend of Luna is also a friend of mine." Nyx said back. He cared for Evalyn in ways he found hard to describe. "Just moments ago I found you on the floor crying in pain and I don't want to see you like that ever again."
"In that case, you must promise me to never mention it, to never talk about it, to never ask about it."
"I will." Nyx let go of her hand. "We... We found blood traces from Gwyn... That is why I am back here." Evalyn moved.
"Where?"
"Far east, Azriel is on his way there. Gina and Noel are staying there to help him search. I got back here... We promised to keep an eye on you." He finished, realising why his mother and sister had been so eager to tell him to watch over her.
"Azriel did break a warrior's leg two days ago, it was fun." Evalyn tried to smile.
"I am glad you got your broken bone at last." Nyx let go of her hand. "Hungry?"
"No... Not really..." She moved to the sofa. "And yes, I am glad too. I expected the Illyrians to be far more... Aggressive in training. More injuries."
"We know how to take a hit. And it is often an act of decency to not go full out on one's opponent in the ring. Unless you are Azriel and Cassian." Nyx started to make some food for himself, but made some extra for her if she would change her mind.
"I have noticed that there are no females training here..." Nyx stopped what he was doing and turned back towards her.
"They train with Mor and Emerie in a special camp at the border, Gwyn works there too." He told her that. The information that they didn't share with whomever. "My dad and Cassian tried to train females and males together, but... It didn't work. And after Nestas, Gwyns and Emeries luck in the Rite, they started to build up a camp only for females."
"I see..." She was looking out of the window. "The healer... He doesn't think the female body is worth working with. He says that they are not worth the effort of healing... Not that he is doing any type of healing at all." Nyx placed a tray of food down.
"Welcome to the wonders of thick headed Illyrians." He said, raising a glass.
"Thank you. For everything." Nyx could hear that her words had more than one meaning.
"You are welcome..."
"Did you know that Illyrians have three layers of back muscle?" Evalyn then said, changing the conversation entirely.
"Never really thought of that." Nyx said back.
"Well, normal fae and humans have an inner layer of smaller muscle that stabilises your spine, then you have a few larger ones that go over them to protect. They also work with the ones in your arms and neck for movements. But Illyrians have a third layer, one that only works with the wings. That is why you can move your arms freely as well as your wings, otherwise your movements would be hindered." She was smiling as she talked. He relaxed at the sight of that.
"You know more about my own species than I do."
"That is why you and your father, and Luna too, are so fascinating. You must have that third layer all the time. Otherwise those muscles would be too weak when you summon your wings." She was leaning forward and Nyx realised something now when he could see her belly. Her balance was off, the way she moved even when glamoured was off...
Why didn't I see that before?
"But at the same time... I have done some sketching. Yours, Lunas and Rhys' wings are smaller. Probably due to the fact that you are not full-blooded." Nyx bit his tongue.
"I will be thankful if you never tell anyone that..." He didn't really enjoy the thought of Noel hearing that.
"Why?"
"The size of our wings are a pride thing, and some take that to the extreme." He shook his head. "Trust me."
"Point taken." She was still smiling, relaxed, but he noticed how her hand was on the table or at her side. Not touching or going anywhere near her middle. Nyx turned back to his food.
"How long will you stay here?" He then asked. "Like, how long is your training?"
"I... I have one more year left before I am done at the academy. So one year." She said back.
"How does that training work?" Nyx then asked.
"Well, I started at ten, but most start at like fifteen. We begin with just learning the body, then to control our powers. All techniques for stitching. Everything. They say that the training takes around ten years. But I... I paused after... After what happened. So I am one year behind. But not that it would matter for me in the long run. I am far more advanced than the others who started with me." She turned back to Nyx. "But we graduate when our teachers deems us ready. No tests. No Blood Rite."
"That sounds good. So, if you are that advanced, why didn't they just let you graduate last summer?"
"I... I wasn't ready. And I had yet to work with Illyrians." She flinched, her face twisted and Nyx got up.
"Evalyn?" He asked.
"I am fine..." Her words were strained. "Just... kicks..."
"That is not fine..." Nyx helped her up. "Let me help you." He hated to see her in pain, to see her so troubled.
"No need..." But she gasped, bending over. "Fuck..." He could see the tears in her eyes, the anger. Nyx looked down, and for a split moment he feared what could be happening now. No blood, no water. Just her in pain and anger.
"Here..." He lifted her up and took her up the stairs to her room. "Can I do anything?"
"No... It will pass..." She turned away from him. "I hate this..." Nyx didn't respond, he just sat there, debating whether or not he should pat her hair down or not.
"I am here, if you need anything..." That was all Nyx could do right now. And he hoped it would count as something.
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Fun fact, this is the first chapter I wrote in this book. Sure alot of changes and rewrites have hapend. But last spring I wrote this comversasion between the two of them, and here we are!
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/Mymymoon