It was now the next day and Luther hadn't slept all night. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't get the sight of Lilliana on the bathroom floor out of his head.
He felt that if he closed his eyes for even a second she would slip out of his grasp, so he spent the entire night studying her every feature.
He studied everything he could've lost because of his actions, everything he never wanted to lose.
He began to run his fingers through her hair slowly untangling any knots he felt. He continued this on until he felt her begin to shift in his arms and her eyes fluttered open.
"good morning Lilly" he said placing a gentle Kiss on her head.
Lilliana yawned and snuggled more into Luther, "warm"
Luther smiled and cherished this moment knowing it would end when she was finally fully awake.
Sure enough when Lilliana woke up 30 minutes later it was different.
She was different.
She didn't wake up as the Lilliana that brought light into a room even on the darkest days. She didn't wake up as the Lilliana that smiled even on the rainiest of days. She was the complete opposite.
The men watched her as she got up from the bed and walked out of the door. They hurriedly followed behind her until they saw her small figure a few paces in front of them heading to the living room couch.
Lilliana sat down pulling the soft blanket that was thrown across the couch previously, onto herself. She cuddled into the arm of the couch and and stared blankly out of the window.
"I fucked up" Luther ran a hand threw his hair and sighed.
Alexander pulled Luther to the kitchen, "I fucked up too okay and we can't change the fact that we did we just need to fix it, we need to help her."
Luther nodded and plopped down on one of the stools, "how do we help her though, how do we make it better"
Alexander grabbed Luthers hands, "we need to be better for her, we knew she was going through a hard time dealing with her father and we were still too stuck on us"
Luther nodded and listened further. "We should tell her"
Luther stood from his seat shaking his head, "she will hate us Alexander, forever, we've done enough emotional damage for one day no need for two"
Alexander stood up, "she deserves to know why we were behaving that way yesterday, we can't keep secrets from her"
Luther fisted his hair and let out a sigh, "how do we make her better though Alexander, how do we really help her after all of this"
Alexander took both of Luthers hands from his hair and kissed them, "hey its okay, we can help her get better but she is also going to need outside help"
"therapy?" Luther said whispering under his breath
Alexander nodded, "we need to go talk to her now okay"
Alexander grabbed Luthers hand and led him into the living room.
"Angel we need to talk to you okay, are you okay with talking?"
Lilliana slowly nodded her head not looking at the men.
She knew that if she looked at them she would break down.
This morning all she wanted was to stay in Luthers arms and not think about everything that happened the previous night.
She didn't need nor want space but she couldn't stay.
She didn't want to look in his eyes and see how disappointed he was in her so she got up and left.
She was so disappointed in herself already.
She always told herself she would never get to that point. No matter how bad it got because other people had it worse. But she did, she let go.
"We need to explain to you why we were the way we were yesterday, nothing excuses our actions but we truly need to explain." Alexander sat down next to Lilliana and Luther sat down on the table in front of her.
"We weren't actually doing what we said we were doing yesterday" Luther went to grab Lillianas hand but she quickly tucked it into the blanket.
Her lip quivered and she went to play with Luther's ring but she realized it wasn't on her finger. "y-y-you
c-cheated?"
Both men quickly shook their heads, "no Lilliana that's not what we meant, we um, we" Luther couldn't get the words out.
"Lilliana please just hear us out before you do anything, please" he reached for her hand again and this time she let him have it.
He remembered he took the ring he gave her off last night to clean the blood off. He slipped it on her finger knowing she would need it and kissed her hand.
He ran his fingers over her hand trying to remember every detail in case she left after they broke the news.
Alexander took a deep breath and just let it all out
"we are hit men and we were gone so long yesterday because we had to calm down"
Lillianas eyes went big and she felt a lump in her throat.
"We killed a kid Lilliana, he was no older than 17 and we didn't know at the time that he was that young."
"When they gave us the paper work for the job he was listed as 25."
Lilliana snatched her hand away from Luther's. His heart dropped and his hands began shaking.
"After finding out, we both got sick. We don't kill kids it's our one rule." Alexander was trying his best to be vague but he was just spilling everything
"We couldn't come home after that, we couldn't be happy after what we did" Luther gripped the table trying to stop his shaking.
"Y-you k-kill p-people" Lilliana stood up and started pacing the living room.
"We know we shouldn't but when we started this we were broke and desperate"
"it's not something you can just walk away from" Luther tried explaining
"Once you're in you can't get out" Alexander sighed
"What if someone wanted me dead, would you kill me?" Lilliana stopped and looked at both men.
Both of their face held anger.
Luther stood up and walked to her. He grabbed both of her hands and put one to his head.
"The only way I would allow something like that to even be said is if someone shot me dead right here"
Lilliana took a deep breath in and felt hands around her waist.
"I would die in a heart beat if that meant you get to live" Alexander kissed behind her ear and squeezed her waist.
"I know our job isn't good in any way, shape, or form but I promise if we could leave we would" Luther kissed her hand and led her back to the couch.
He placed her in between him and Alexander "Now we need to talk about last night"
Lilliana bit her lip and looked down. "I'm sorry"
Alexander shook his head, "Lilliana I want you to hear me loud and clear when I say this"
"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about, we should be sorry for not being there for you"
Luther couldn't hold it in anymore, "I have never ever been so scared in my life Lilliana, I thought I lost you, I could've of lost you because of my selfishness and for that I will never ever forgive myself"
"I'm-" Liliana was about to apologize again but was stopped by Luther.
"P-please don't say sorry Lilliana, it's our fault. You mean everything to me Lilly and I never want to see you like that ever again, from now and to the end I will be a better person for you" Tears now started falling from Luther's eyes and on to his cheeks.
Alexander could hear Luther's pain just by the way his voice cracked.
Nothing ever made Luther cry but Lilliana was different. She was his whole world, she was all that mattered.
She climbed onto his lap and quickly tried to dry his tears with the blanket, "please don't cry Lucy, please"
Lillianas eyes began to water as she kissed his tears away.
"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so fucking sorry" he sobbed and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"It's okay it's okay" she wrapped her arms around him, she then remembered Alexander was sitting alone.
She held her hand out for him and he came in and wrapped his arms around the both of them.
They didn't break the hung until ten minutes later when all the tears were dried.
Lilliana was sitting on Luther's lap playing with his rings.
"Angel how would you feel about going to therapy" Alexander said
Lillianas head shot up to him shocked. Her father never let her go to therapy even after she told him about the voices because he said it was a waste of money.
"I think it could maybe um help me, especially with the um voices"
Alexander looked at her puzzled, "voices baby, what voices?"
Lilliana nibbled on her bottom lip, "um they speak to me and sometimes they say mean and hurtful things"
"They were the ones who told me to kill myself yesterday, they told me you didn't like me"
Luther was shocked to say the least, "Lilly baby why didn't you tell us about this earlier"
Lilliana took in a deep breath and ran through what to say in her head. "I um didn't want you to think I was crazy"
Alexander grabbed her feet and began massaging them, "no Lilliana that's the exact opposite of what we would think, we could've helped earlier if we knew"
Lilliana dropped her head, "I'm sorry"
Luther kissed her head, "baby what have we said about that"
"Not to say it, because what happened is not my fault"
Luther nodded, "so do you still want to be with us after everything"
Lilliana nodded her head, "I don't think I could ever leave the both of you"
Luther studied her face. She still looked sad and there were harsh bags under her eyes but she'd improved a lot compared to where she was last night.
"Do you want to come help me schedule your first appointment Angel?" Alexander held out his hand and Lilliana nodded and took it.
Alexander spent majority of his morning searching therapists while Luther and Lilliana slept.
He knew mental health was more important than anything and he wasn't going to wait on things to get worse.
He'd had his own battles with it when he was a teenager and he knew no matter how much the people who loved him wanted to help they could only do so much.
He led Lilliana to a locked door. When he opened it there were two desks on either side of the room and cabinets filled with files.
He went to the desk on the right that was decorated with brown accents and sat down.
He pulled Lilliana onto his lap and began searching on the already opened computer.
"Okay baby when do you feel comfortable starting and what time"
Lilliana played with her fingers, "what a-about next Friday at 6?"
"Perfect baby, I'm so proud of you for doing this" Alexander kissed her head.
"Lexi did I hurt you guys?"
Alexander sighed and wrapped his arms around her, "honestly you scared the shit out of us, Luther has been beating himself up relentlessly about it since he found you"
He grabbed both sides of her face and kissed her head, "please Lilliana if you ever feel that way again or if the voices start, come to one of us okay I don't care what we are doing"
Lilliana nodded her head.
"Promise me Lilliana"
Lilliana wrapped her pinky around Alexander's, "I promise"
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Authors note: when I tell you I would've updated so long ago but let me just say school has been beating my head In with no hesitation or remorse.
Also that boy I was head over heals for turned out to be not so great so I'm single again and we all know what that means. I DONT HAVE TO GET ANYONE A VALENTINES DAY GIFT WOOOO. 😊