Georgia's POV
It had been about a month. A long painful month which I hoped had gone quicker, but it hadn't.
It was agonisingly slow, and harder than I ever could have imagined.
It just felt like I was living for nothing, striving toward nothing. I had no goals. This thing between Pat and I had thrown me off course completely.
The first two weeks, I admit I was suffering. Always fatigued, even if I hadn't done anything that day. I brushed it off as lack of sleep and over working myself. None of which was true.
I was both physically and mentally drained. My world was a cycle of lifeless days and sleepless nights which were filled with overwhelming thoughts and never-ending tears.
My eyes became darker and my phone shone brighter in the darkness of my room. I fell deeper into the hole of thoughts. Thinking about him constantly, and what could have been.
My mind became an influx of hate toward everything, while the mirror became my enemy, and my bed became my shield.
A few weeks ago, I never saw a light at the end of the tunnel. That was rock bottom.
In those 2 weeks, I couldn't understand how I had gotten all of it wrong. All of the signs I chose not to believe, and the words of encouragement from Josh and Marcus. I was so hopeful that he felt the same way I did.
But it all just came crashing down on top of me.
It's strange for me to think about how once he was my everything, something that would never leave my mind for all the right reasons. Someone I would always want to see, and now we're practically strangers.
Not because I want to be, but because that's how it has to be. We can never go back to what we once were, because I will never look at him the same.
He will forever be the boy who first captured my heart. That will never ever change. Even if other things had.
Missing someone you don't talk to anymore is often not talked about. Because how do you move on from a human being you shared countless moments with, and created hundreds of memories with.
It is a sad realisation, that I knew him when we were meant to be, and now someone else knows him in a way I never will.
And if we do meet again, he will be someone I don't give a second look. But for what it's worth, it was a pleasure knowing him when I did.
Now I held onto every last drop of us because I never anticipated this ending - our ending.
I felt embarrassed still about that night. It replayed in my head constantly, ringing in my ears, those words over and over again.
I tried so hard to be mad at him, but I couldn't be. The way he hurt me could never be replicated, but I understood it.
I had come to terms with it, learning to live without his presence in my life. It was almost like someone died and I was mourning the loss. Only I still saw him everywhere I went.
We live closely, we share friends and family, it was bound to happen, but I found myself unprepared for it all.
When I saw him at the supermarket, or going for a walk, we simply walked past each other. Sometimes he showed me a smile or tried to interact. I hated it, but it still made my heart melt.
I never returned the favour even though I was tempted to. I just refused to let him creep back into my life again. Even though I missed him more than anything.
I couldn't lie to myself, if he had ripped my heart out, literally or metaphorically, I still would have watched him with utter adoration.
My heart would beat only for him, though my head would ache with resentment.
Now, to present day, I was slowly finally feeling like myself again. Not a complete whole but enough to carry on without crying.
He still sat in the back of my mind which I hated but I knew it was only because he was still around. Seeing him around definitely didn't help the healing process.
It was an uphill climb in the snow and I wasn't even half way there. I couldn't even see the finish line. But I carried on anyway, hoping that the quote 'it gets better' is somewhat true.
I knew it would get easier. If I just focused on those I love and the work I adore doing. But that also didn't feel like the right thing to do.
I was never one to just sit by and wait for my life to play out in front of my eyes. I was a doer not a seer.
I refused to continue on this path of feeling sorry for myself. Dragging everyone around me down, and turning into someone I didn't recognise anymore.
It was inevitable. If I kept going the way I was, that is what would happen. Something had to change.
So over the past week or so, I had been having thoughts to myself.
Very private, unverbalised ideas. It involved doing something entirely unpredictable. Something which would change everything. The change that I so desperately needed.
The thoughts were reoccurring, so I didn't ignore them. I let them sink in for me to process. I even chose not to tell anyone, even those closest to me. Not until I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do.
Up until this point, Marcus and my parents were the only ones that knew. I sat down with them a few days ago. But Josh, I knew he would be the hardest to tell. That's why I waited so long.
It was a slow process, revealing these thoughts to my nearest and dearest. But only because I needed to adjust before I followed through.
And now I was ready. It was too late to turn back now.
As I sat down with my older brother in an isolated lunch spot, I had every intention of using this as the moment to tell him.
I was nervous, probably because my brothers approval always meant so much to me. Josh quickly picked up on those nerves I struggled with, and inevitably, it rushed the process of getting those words out.
Pretty much as soon as we sat down, he called me out on my shaking hands and rapidly tapping toes.
"George what's going on? Why do you look so nervous?" He questioned me, facing me with a worried sort of half smile.
"Well there is something I wanted to run past you" I mentioned, feeling apprehensive about my choices.
"Yeah of course, what is it?" He asked, leaning his head toward me, clearly eager to understand my intentions. As he smiled softly at me, my angst started feeling much less harsh.
I had to remind myself that this was just my brother. It was just Josh I was talking to. Someone who had always supported me. I don't know why I thought this would be any different.
So I just came out with it, avoiding the procrastination I was used to.
"I can't do it anymore Josh" I explained briefly. Then realising I hadn't exactly planned out what to say.
"Do what?" He inquired, seemingly curious about our conversation.
"Sit around and watch him fall in love. I can't put myself through that sort of pain again. It kills me every time I see him. I just can't do it anymore" I put it all in words. After a week of hearing it in my head, it sounded even worse out loud.
But I guess it was my truth. It was the reason I came here to talk to Josh and it was the reason for all of this mess.
"What are you saying?" He queried.
I sucked in a deep breath of air. Shutting my eyes tightly for less than a second, wanting to skip past this anxiety. It was time for me to just spit it out, before my nerves got control of my speech.
Now or never.
"I want to go back to Sydney with you" I fessed up, making it last no longer than a few seconds before I could learn his reaction.
"What?" He responded in shock and confusion.
"I've already talked to work about transferring over there, and I've already told Mum and Dad, all I had to do was run it past you. Will you help me move?" I said as my expression turned soft.
"Of course I will George, but are you sure this is what you want? Your whole life is here" He sought assurance quickly after. I flashed him a reassuring smile, wanting to thank him as well for the support.
"Not anymore. The only things keeping me here were Marcus, Mum and Dad, and they've all told me to go" I clarified for him.
"Okay well I support you if this is what you want. I can't wait to have you around more often" Josh spoke avidly, not hesitating before throwing his arms around me.
"Me too" I replied cheerfully, then the two of us carried on with our meal.
Finally feeling at ease, and relieved to have gotten that out of the way. It had been eating me up inside having to hide this from him, but now it was done, and I was so glad it was.
This was it. This was one of those times where I had to stop being so stiff about everything. A new experience, a new chapter, a new start for me.
All things which I desperately needed to end this suffocating. That's what I was doing, staying here and watching him with her.
I was slowly suffocating, and there was nothing I could do about it, until about right now.
When I started having these thoughts, I imagined they would slowly go away and I would move on. But they never did. Then the longer I thought about it, the more I warmed to the idea.
I just knew, in my gut, that it was the break I had been searching for. A breath of fresh air amongst all of this negative smoke.
Although I was leaving behind family and friends, I was also keen to make new ones. As well as seeing Josh as many times as I wanted without waiting for a Giants away game in Melbourne.
Now that I had Josh's support and approval, that's all I needed. The move could now begin. Getting boxes packed and things shipped excited me, as much as it made me nervous.
Josh and I headed home quickly after we finished eating, to my home that is.
I hadn't been to Pat and Marcus' house since before the party. The risk was too high. I couldn't bring myself to tell him the news, and I don't think I ever would be able to.
So I steered clear of all things Pat, knowing it was for the best. If I was going to start fresh, that had to involve all parts of my life.
When Josh and I reached home, we were met by Marcus and Emma who joined us for a celebration of changes. For everyone that is.
For a fraction of time, I knew I would struggle to let go of it all. The love and heartache I would carry with me all the way to Sydney.
But I refused to let it hold me back. It was a tether tying me to the ground which needed to be released. That tether being Pat.
Maybe forgiving him was what I needed to release that pressure, and I'm sure someday I would. I don't think two people so perfectly aligned could stay apart for ever.
We would always come back to another. I wasn't sure when, but I just knew we would.
But for now, cheers to new.
In order to start this new, I had to accept that I still have healing to do. I have to see that the times we had were good, but it will never be that way again. It's serving either of us no good holding on.
We can't live if we're being tied down. Moving on will set me free and that's what excited me.
And so it's time for me to step out, ditch what's keeping me stuck, leaving this life I have now to start the new.
It's the only way I knew how.
.........
A/N
That's the big news! George has decided to move to Sydney for a completely fresh start! With the support from everyone around her, our girl is packing up and leaving! Finally doing what is best for her!
How do we think Pat will react to this news? Will anyone actually tell him before it's too late?
We'll see next Sunday I guess :)
Thanks guys!