One Night Stand: The New Millennium

31. Stronger

February 12th, 2012
8:31 AM
Skylar POV

I'm not the most religious person, and I haven't been for a very long time. With every trial and tribulation, I lose faith. I gained some back when MJ made it through his overdose. But that same peace of faith has been snatched away since Whitney died.

Michael & I sat silently in the kitchen after a restless night of sleep, trying to digest the news.

I'd just spoken to her days before. We spoke about how crazy it was that we hadn't see each other since Michael & I's anniversary party back in 2006, both saying how hectic life had gotten. But we planned to meet up in the near future, we both had to figure out what was good for our schedules.

Now she's gone.

I looked over at Michael, who was starring blankly at the wall. Reaching across the table, I grabbed his left hand & gave it a squeeze. He didn't look at me, but gave my hand a squeeze back. And we continued to sit in silence, trying to come to terms with the loss of our friend.

12:45 PM
MJ POV

"So where do you want to start?" Taylor asked as we sat down for our session. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"You're the therapist, aren't you supposed to be knowing where to start?"

"I know where I want to start, but I want you to be comfortable. You finally started to want to cooperate only last night, so I don't want to go into anything that'll make you want to change your mind. So tell me, Michael, where do you want to start?" I took a moment to think about it. My life was such a shitshow that I didn't know where to begin.

"I don't know..." I shrugged.

"Okay," Taylor tapped her pen a few times on her notebook. "What caused you to start doing cocaine?"

"Well, I was at Diddy's All White Party, and Amber Rose & Demi Moore-"

"No, I mean, what events in your life caused you to turn to drugs to cope?"

"Oh," I said, shifting in my seat. "Um... my break up with my fiancé and becoming a father. Well specifically, having a baby by an evil bi- I mean woman." Taylor wrote something in her notebook.

"Can you tell me about those events?"

"Do I have to?" I groaned. That shit loomed over me like a bad storm already, I was tired of even referring to them.

"No, not if you don't want to start your healing process." I sucked my teeth.

"Fine." So I told Taylor the story. Actually, I started back from before I met Jade. I told her how I used to get around, how I stopped that shit once I met Jade, how happy I was with her, how I never thought about cheating on her, even after I met Mia, about the night of the proposal, how I blocked Mia out of my life after I realized how wrong I had been, and how Mia popped up at my 21st birthday party and ruined everything for me.

"And how did it feel when you took the first hit of cocaine?" Taylor asked. I bit my lip, thinking back. Thinking about it made me miss it, fuck.

"It felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt relieved, my sadness and anger weren't weighing me down. For the first time in weeks, I felt good. Not even good, great. Invincible even. Like everything would be alright, like I could get Jade back, like the whole thing was a nightmare I'd wake up from. But as you can see, I didn't wake up from it, and shit only got worse from there."

"Well..." Taylor said as she closed her notebook. "I don't like ending sessions in a bad note-"

"Damn," I said, looking at the clock. 1:56. "It's over already? I talked that damn long?"

"Yeah," Taylor snickered. "But that's good. You've been here a month and you're finally opening up. How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted. Depressed." Taylor leaned over & patted my hand.

"It's a long and hard process, but im proud of you for making an effort." Taylor stood up and walked behind her desk. She opened a drawer and grabbed something before showing it to me. "You want a lollipop?" It was a Strawberry Blow Pop. I laughed, reaching for it. "People think it's ridiculous and childish, but it's a good way to get a little hint of happy emotion out of people after sessions." She handed it to me. "Plus who doesn't like lollipops?"

"You never did this in any of our previous sessions," I said, opening it.

"Because you were in your irritable phase of withdrawal and I did not feel like getting cussed out," She said, opening her own lollipop. I chuckled.

"Well thanks Taylor," I responded, standing up. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow."

8:00 PM

The rest of the day was... emotional, to say the least.

After therapy was Yoga & Meditation. Usually I opted not to participate, but since I was on a new path, I did.

But why the fuck didn't anybody tell me that Yoga & Meditation can make you cry?

That shit hit me out of nowhere. My instructor told me it was normal, that it was supposed to help me process feelings, but it felt weird. One minute I was meditating, next I was sobbing.

Now that I think about it, I have seen people crying during class, but I never paid too much attention to them.

After Yoga was Relapse Prevention Group, and the topic of our conversation was auntie Whitney.

More crying.

The crying was over after that, especially since I worked out afterward, but I was still emotionally exhausted. Dinner was cool, and for the team building activity we had relay races, which was fun.

But then came Music Therapy.

I walked in the studio and as always, Abel was there. And as always, I sat down without speaking to him. I expected us to do what we always did, but that wasn't happening.

"My condolences, on the loss of your auntie," He said.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I opened my notebook.

"I've noticed that you've been a more willing participant today for everyone else. Is that going to happen here too?"

"Probably not," I responded, looking up at Abel & flashing him a fake smile. Abel sighed, closing his notebook.

"Whatever beef you have with me shouldn't be getting in the way of your healing."

"Trust me, it ain't."

"Care to share what you've been working on for the past month then?" Abel asked, walking over to me. I closed my notebook.

"No I don't."

"I'm pretty sure keeping shit to yourself is the reason why you're here."

"Man if I don't want to share with you, I don't have to fucking share with you!! The fuck you want to see so bad for? You tryna steal my music?" Abel snickered.

"Bro, I don't need your music, I got my own shit."

"I'm not your bro. And why the fuck you keep cussing at me, the fuck type therapist are you? Unprofessional as hell."

"If you weren't so damn rude & mad all the time, you would've known that I am not a therapist at all." See, this nigga pisses me off.

"How the fuck are you not a therapist, but you're trying to get me to do music therapy with you? This why I don't like you, cause it's always some stupid shit coming out of your mouth."

"Nah, you don't like me because I tell it like it is and you don't want to hear it." Abel stood in front of the table I sat at. "I told you self wallowing and pity wasn't going to work here and has it worked for you so far? Don't look like it. I told you that you haven't been using your music to cope correctly because if you had, you wouldn't be here, and you know it's true because I've seen you scribbling in that notebook every day since the first day and I highly doubt you're writing all those bullshit love and heartbreak songs you usually right, considering the situation you're in. So I don't get why you don't want it told like it is. Would you rather people lie to you, or tell you the damn truth?" I stayed silent. He didn't need a response. We both knew I wanted people to be honest with me. I especially wanted that now after being told lies and telling lies. I needed some damn truth in my life. "Now, if you're done acting like an asshole popstar, let's kick off music therapy for real." Abel sat across from me. "I'm Abel Tesfaye, i'm 21 years old, 22 in four days, and I am a recovering addict." I furrowed my eyebrows, but he didn't see it. He was looking at the ceiling, like he was thinking back. "I started drugs early. I started smoking weed when I was 11, and by the time I started high school, I used ecstasy, oxycodone, Xanax, cocaine and some more shit. I dropped out at 17, I overdosed when I was 19, and ended up here. ART helped me a lot, but it was music therapy that helped me the most. The previous dude who ran the program was actually trained for this shit, you know, college education & all of that, but he told me it didn't take a college education to run this program. He helped me while I did my 90 day stint, then when he was ready to retire, he brought me in, showed me the ropes and got me this job. And i'm forever grateful for both Mr. Rainey & music. It kept me going when I was homeless, when I wanted to die, when I was down and out. I don't ever want to go back to the dark place that I once was. I've been sober for two years now and running this program for one. I've seen hundreds of people come and go, and while it works for some and not others, I know this will work the most for you." Abel looked at me. "Music is your life. You were born into one of the greatest musical families, you do music both for a living and as a hobby. You can probably teach me more about music than I can teach you. But what good is your music if you're not being honest with yourself and others, if you're not being completely free? I've never heard you mention a single thing about drugs in your music." Abel paused to think. "Okay, in 'Gorilla' you mentioned something about a cocaine kicker but that's all. Drugs have been a big part of your life for awhile. You don't have to be proud of it. But you at least have to own it. You have to vent, tell the truth, tell how they made you feel, tell how you feel now that you're off of them. Be honest. Your story is bigger than your failed engagement. Tell the full story."

And there goes those fucking tears, again. I wiped my face quickly before Abel could see.

"You alright man?" He asked.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat. "But um..." I swallowed before smirking. "You know you admitted that you actually do listen to my music?" Abel smirked back.

"Only for research purposes." He so full of shit. I scoffed as he stood up. "Now, you ready to take advantage of music therapy for real?" I nodded. Abel gave me a shit eating grin. "I knew you'd come around."

"Yeah, yeah," I waved him off. "I got a few questions though."

"What?" Abel asked as he walked back over to his usual seat.

"Why the hell am I the only one in this session?" I asked, looking around. I'd been wondering that for awhile, but my annoyance at Abel would never let me ask him.

"To keep what you say in these sessions to yourself. You're both Michael Jackson's son and a star in your own right. We didn't need anybody leaving here, running their mouth about what you said, what you wrote, or anything like that. Nor did we need anybody trying to leak your music."

"Good looking out," I pointed, opening up my notebook. "My second question is what the hell have you been through that you were on all those drugs?" Abel smirked again.

"I'll give you some more of my life story when I get some of yours."

"Fine," I mumbled. He wasn't getting shit out of me yet.

"Do you want to share what you've been working on?" I gave him a look that said 'hell no'. "That's cool. I guess i'll go first." I expected him to open his notebook and pass it to me, but he didn't. Instead, he got to work on the soundboard, and a couple of seconds later, the beginning of a song started playing.

Woah...
Woah...
Eh..

The beat came in.

I left my girl back home
I don't love her no more
And she'll never fucking know that
These fucking eyes that I'm staring at
Let me see that ass
Look at all this cash
And I emptied out my cards too
Now I'm fucking leaning on that

Bring your love, baby, I could bring my shame
Bring the drugs, baby, I could bring my pain
I got my heart right here
I got my scars right here
Bring the cups, baby, I could bring the drank
Bring your body, baby, I could bring you fame
And that's my motherfucking words too
Just let me motherfucking love you...

The beat went on, but there were no more lyrics. Abel turned down the music and looked over at me.

I was stunned.

"You wrote that?!?" I asked.

"Wrote it, made the beat, yeah," Abel shrugged.

"That's fire!!" I yelled, jumping up. That song was hot!! Abel's vocals weren't the best, but that's okay. Everybody can't be like Mike. "Where's the rest?" He shrugged again.

"I couldn't never figure it out."

"Well let's do it!!" I was excited as hell. Abel stared at me for a moment. "What?!?"

"Let's make a deal." I sucked my teeth. I already knew this was about to be some bullshit. "You show me one of your songs, and i'll let you help work on this." Was that a good deal? Abel sucked his teeth. "It's not like i'm going to judge you. I already told you I was on like five different drugs and I was homeless. You and I both know drugs ain't cheap. Do the math." He'd probably done some fucked up shit.

"Fine." I opened my notebook and started looking through the different songs. It took about three minutes of reading over songs to see which one I felt comfortable with. "I wrote this one while I was recording my last album. It..." I paused, thinking of the words to best describe the song. "If I were to tell anybody I was on drugs while I was on them, I would've told my ex-fiancée. This is basically me confessing to her." I walked over to Abel & handed him the notebook.

"Coming Down..." He read aloud before reading over the song in his head. It only took him about a minute to look over it before he handed the notebook back to me. "Let's work on it."

"That wasn't part of the deal."

"And you working on my song is not what music therapy is about. Music therapy is about self expression. Self expression goes further than writing songs, especially for you. This," He pointed at the song. "Is fire. And I know you got some shit going through your brain for how you want to produce it. Why not do it now?" I sighed.

"You're really smart to be a young nigga," I said as I went to grab a chair to sit next to him.

"I'm not even two years younger than you."

"You much smarter than I was at 21." I plopped down next to him.

"What I say about that pity shit?" Abel asked, cracking a smile. I chuckled.

"Whatever. Let's get to work so we can get back to that other song. That shit was fire." Abel tried to hide it, but I could see him grinning proudly. And he should. Because that song was the beginning of something spectacular.

February 14th, 2012
12:33 PM
Melody POV

"I know you technically can't date until you're 16, but you know it's not like your parents would know if you had a boyfriend at school," Amala, my self-proclaimed best friend said as we walked into the lunchroom. I say self-proclaimed because she proclaimed it herself. I never told her she was. Zendaya & Justin were my best friends. I know I can have more than two, but really, more than two are too much. Regardless, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. "You know Joshua has had a crush on you since forever."

Joshua was Mica's fully white cousin. He was cute, but if we dated, it would remind too much of Mica & Serenity. And I did not want to be a repeat of them. Also, I reached my limit of crushes on white boys.

"Joshua knows I don't like him like that," I said as we got to our usual table.

"It's cause i'm white, isn't it?" Joshua playfully joked.

"Yes," I deadpanned as I sat down next to him.

"That's cold," Devante snickered.

"What are yall talking about?" Princess asked as Amala sat down.

"Melody getting a boyfriend." Devante & Princess guffawed.

"Uncle Michael ain't letting that happen," Devante said & Princess nodded.

"He doesn't have to find out," Amala pointed out.

"If i'm not the secret boyfriend then i'm telling," Joshua joked, eating some of his fries.

"Secret boyfriend? Joshua you in the closet or something?" Little Aaron asked as he sat next to Amala. He kissed Amala's cheek.

"Only for you baby," Joshua winked & both Amala & Aaron threw a piece of food at him. Joshua blew a kiss at them in response.

"We're talking about getting your cousin a secret boyfriend."

"You're talking about it. I already told you i'm not interested," I mumbled. I wished she give it up. This is exactly why she's not my best friend, she don't listen.

"You're trying to tell me that you're not interested in anybody in school, even though we have a bunch of cute boys- ow!!" Amala looked at Aaron. "I'm just saying!!" Amala looked back at me. "We have a lot of boys that are cute and interested in you, and you don't like any of them?"

"No," I said, exasperated.

"Well, do you like girls then?" Amala asked.  Before I could answer, someone spoke up from behind me.

"I like girls," Zack said as he sat on the other side of me. "Especially Melody," He put his arm around me and I shoved him away. Zack once told us that his mother named him after her favorite character, Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell, and it's funny because he acts like him. Gets poor grades despite having potential, but he's involved in everything so no one says anything, always scheming and manipulating, and is a huge flirt. He's literally the black version of his namesake.

"Get in line with the rest of us," Joshua shot at Zack & Zack waved him off.

"What we talking about?" Zack asked. I shot Amala a look to not bring up the conversation & she didn't.

"Valentine's Day things. What's everyone doing tonight?"

"Not a damn thing," Devante spoke before he took a bite of his burger.

"Girls night at Melody's," Princess said & Amala looked at me, offended.

"Don't even," I said. "Little Aaron already told me he had plans for yall." Amala looked at my cousin & smiled.

"Can I come?" Zack & Joshua asked at the same time before shooting each other looks. They were so ridiculous, it's not like I had plans to date either one of them.

"Are you girls?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"I am," Alex said as he sat next to Princess. "What we talking about?"

"Valentine's Day plans." Alex rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, I wish today would be over. I'm tired of seeing all these damn school couples."

"You're a hater," Amala said as she hugged Aaron tight.

"I wasn't even talking about you but if the shoe fits."

"Here yall go," I joked, but I honestly didn't care that they were about to start their usual bickering. As long as the topic of conversation wasn't on me and my love life, or lack thereof.

Joshua tapped me & I looked at him.

"How's your family?" He asked lowly & I smiled. Joshua was so thoughtful and caring. He probably figured that I didn't want anybody to hear about my family issues, but I didn't care. I'd known everybody at the table for awhile.

"We're alright. My parents are mourning, but that's to be expected. We don't get to talk to MJ everyday, but anything is better than overdosing. Serenity's working on some big project. Maiya is..." I shrugged. "Maiya and Mehki is Mehki. So yeah, we're alright."

"You left yourself out of there," Joshua pointed out. I shrugged.

"I'm good. There's nothing to say about me." You know, other than having a crush on my boy best friend, and my kind of sort of girl best friend making me think it's weird that i'm not as interested in boys as I should be, but that's none of his business.

"Okay," Joshua said, nodding.

"What yall whispering about?" Zack asked, practically breathing down my neck.

"How annoying you are," I said, shoving him away from me.

"Girl please, you love it," Zack smiled. I rolled my eyes. Boys are so annoying.

3:13 PM

"Is Zendaya coming?" Princess asked as we walked towards my locker. I shook my head.

"You know her first movie came out yesterday, so she's been doing promo for that."

"Oh yeah! Did you watch it?" Princess asked.

"Not yet."

"Let's watch it tonight then."

"I thought the plan was to watch Love Don't Cost A Thing & Hitch," I said as we got to my locker. I started unlocking it.

"We can watch those too." I unlocked my locker and opened it. Immediately, at least a dozen cards fell out. Here we go with this crap. "Oop! Somebody has some secret admirers," Princess teased as I grabbed the cards that fell on the ground.

"What are we, in middle school?" I asked as I quickly shuffled through the cards. This was more than a dozen. "I hate cards," I mumbled, putting them in my book bag and taking out the books that I didn't need.

"Stop being so mean! I think it's cute that boys still give cards to girls they want to be their Valentine," Princess giggled.

"Did Princeton give you one?" I asked, looking at her as I shut my locker. Her smile dropped and she rolled her eyes, sucking her teeth.

"I haven't heard from him."

"Have you tried calling him?" I asked as we walked towards the exit.

"No, but it's not my place to call first on Valentine's Day." I guffawed.

"All of this... extra nonsense is exactly why I don't want a boyfriend."

"Yall better put some pep in ya step if i'm dropping yall off to Auntie Sky's house," Aaron said in passing.

"He so thirsty for his lil date. Like okay," Princess mumbled, making me giggle as we followed behind my cousin.

21 minutes later, we were pulling up in front of the Calabasas house at the same as daddy, who picked up Maiya from school.

"Uncle Doo Doo, what up?!?" Aaron asked as we got out the car.

"You're too old to be calling me that," Daddy chuckled as he handed me my bouquet of flowers. Daddy always made sure to get all the ladies in his life flowers on Valentines Day.

"I know, but I also know saying it at my big age makes you laugh so hey," Aaron shrugged. "We could all use a little bit of laughter right?" He was correct, especially with how 2012 was going. Daddy nodded. "Exactly. Now, i'm out so I can get ready for my date."

"Use protection," Daddy said.

"Ew," We all grimaced. I did not want to think about my cousin possibly having sex with my bestfriend, and I definitely did not want to hear something like 'use protection' come out of my father's mouth.

"Yeah I'm definitely out. Bye." Little Aaron pulled off.

"I was just saying. We don't want an Aaron the 4th running around here just yet," Daddy said as we headed towards the front door.

"Or ever," Princess mumbled as we walked in the house. Princess headed straight to the kitchen while I turned to Daddy.

"Where's Maiya?" I asked, noticing she hadn't come over to the car to speak to Aaron.

"She probably went upstairs. She was really quiet on the way home. She looked sad. I asked her what's wrong and all she mumbled was 'nothing' and that was it. I have a feeling it's about a boy, and I'd hate to have to rough up somebody's son." He said he would hate to, but the evil smirk on his face said otherwise.

"I'll talk to her," I said as I headed upstairs. I had a feeling it was about a boy. And when I catch that big lip bum I swear to God...

I dropped my book bag and bouquet of roses off right in front of my door and headed straight to Maiya's room. Her door was closed, but I walked right in.

Maiya was laying down on her stomach, her face buried in the pillows. I walked over and sat on her bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, touching her back. She looked at me, a scowl on her face.

"Roc didn't wish me a Happy Valentine's Day." If this had been any other person, I probably would've laughed, but I knew my sister was sensitive. And plus, how hard was it to send a freaking text?

"Send me his number, i'll call and cuss him out." I thought about it. "Matter of fact, I already got it." We (me, Maiya, Zendaya and Princess) were in a group chat with them. I pulled my phone out and started to unlock it when Maiya grabbed my wrist.

"No don't."

"You're not going to do it," I pointed out. She shook her head.

"I don't want to start anything."

"It's already started. He gave you your first kiss on New Years but he can't tell you Happy Valentines Day? He has you messed up." Princess ran in.

"Me-"

"Actually, both them nappy headed boys have you two messed up!! They knew today was-"

"Melody shut up and you two come outside!! Come on!!" Princess ran out the room. Maiya & I exchanged looks before hurrying up and following Princess out of the room.

As we walked towards the stairs, I could hear music playing loudly outside.

"Oh my God, I know this song!!" Maiya yelled and started running. I didn't, but I wasn't missing a chance to be nosey.

Third Person POV

Maiya almost tripped running downstairs, but that didn't slow her down. She ran over to the front door and outside, where Michael & Princess already were. Also outside was half the neighborhood, trying to see what was going.

And in the street, a mini parade was happening.

The first float was in the shape of a heart, and two people were on it. One was a man, playing a white piano and another was a lady, who was controlling the rest of the music. Maiya instantly recognized both.

The second float was rectangular, with hearts and roses all around it. On it, stood the boys who was almost two minutes away from feeling Melody's wrath and their back up dancers.

Maiya's eyes met Roc's, and he smiled at her as the float stopped in front of the house.

"You didn't think we forgot, did you?" Roc asked & Maiya squealed, moving closer so that she could get the best view possible as Prince started with the intro.

"Mindless Behavior..." Prince winked at Princess, who swooned. "Valentine's Girl, Ayo Roc, Tell her how you feel man..."

Roc stepped in front of Prince & Maiya squealed excitedly as he started rapping.

"Look, hey girl, every time I see you I lose my mind," The rest of the boys did the Rick Ross grunt. "It's why I behave mindless all the time," They grunted again. "Yeah you fine, girl you're mine, right?" Maiya nodded giddily & he flashed his smile. "Thoughts of you and how you do keep me up at night, Where you stay? What's your favorite food? What do you like to do? Girl, I wanna get to know you, somehow, someway, sometime, someday, matter fact, let's start today..." Prodigy started singing as Roc winked at me and headed to his designated spot. Maiya fanned herself excitedly and looked over at Princess, who looked just as happy as she did. Meanwhile Melody looked both shocked and amused. This was something straight out of a movie.

"And I swear that I won't stop until I make her see, that imma be hers for sure, I'm gonna let her know, this is what I'm gonna do..." As Prodigy & the back up dancers started dancing full out, Roc, Princeton & Ray hopped off the float.

"I got box full of chocolates for you girl for you girl, for you," The boys sang as Roc walked to Maiya, Princeton walked to Princess & Ray walked to Melody. Melody looked bewildered. She wanted to push him away, but she didn't want to embarrass him, and herself, in front of everybody. "I got some roses and a love letter that says I adore you." The three boys handed the girls heart shaped chocolates, some roses and a letter.

"I-" Melody pursed her lips as she looked at what she was handed.

"And it says 'Will you be my valentine's girl?' , valentine's girl, will you be?"

"Ray Ray!!" Prodigy pointed at Ray, who then start rapping to Melody.

"I ain't tryin' to act like I'm ready for a rela-tion-ship, but you should be my V-date," Ray rapped & Melody looked at her cousin & sister, who were giggling with Roc & Prince. "One girl is all I need, nothing more, and I'm talking to you so what'cha waiting for?" Melody wondered why he couldn't be like the other boys and give her a card and call it a day. "Shawty what's happening? Let's get this cracking, wanna make you smile, I love it when I see you laughing, and we could have good times, let's subtract all the haters, add me, no divide." The three boys stepped back and started dancing along with Prodigy & the back up dancers as they sang the chorus.

Meanwhile, Michael wanted to be mad at these little boys serenading his daughters, but he thought the entire scene was both cute and hilarious. Maiya and Princess both grinned like Cheshire Cats, while Melody looked like she wanted to be anywhere than where she was.

The entire mood was a step up from the moods of the days before, so Michael couldn't complain.

As Mindless Behavior went into the chorus one last time, some of the back up dancers stopped and grabbed some boards that were laying on the float.

"I got some roses and a love letter, that says I adore you and it says..." The dancers help up signs that said 'Will you be my Valentines, girl?'

"... Valentine's girl, will you be?" The song ended and there was clapping and cheers from everybody.

"Well?" Prodigy asked from the float. "Will you be?"

The boys pointed the mics to the girls.

"Yes!!" Maiya & Princess yelled excitedly. Everybody looked down at Ray & Melody. Melody stared at Ray for a moment, who was trying to hold back his laugh.

This was their thing. They were always joking on each other, and Ray had her with the biggest joke of all.

Melody calmly pushed Ray's mic down.

"You tried it," Melody drawled and Ray busted out laughing, and so did the rest of the boys.

"Mel, you looked so uncomfortable," Prodigy stated in the mic, laughing.

"That's funny huh?" Melody laughed. "Ha. Did yall peep my daddy over there?" Melody pointed over to where Michael was standing. His arms were folded, and he raised an eyebrow at the boys.

"Oh shit," Roc mumbled, knowing he would be the one to get grilled the most.

"Who's laughing now?" Melody asked, smirking before turning to go in the house. "That was cute though. Yall did that." Melody walked towards the house as Michael started walking towards the boys.

"What's the big lip one name?" Michael asked.

"Chresanto," Melody said loudly.

"Not the government name!!" Ray laughed.

"And the one with the big nostrils," Melody said loudly, making Ray get quiet. "Who was bothering me is Rayan."

"Okay baby," Michael smirked. He was about to have fun with this.

As Michael made his way over to the boys, Melody head inside. She opened Ray's card & read it.

I do not adore you. But I love our friendship. Happy v-day.
-Ray <3

Melody laughed as she headed up the stairs to her room. She figured while Michael grilled Roc & the others, she could go through all the cards she'd gotten from school.

Melody POV

I picked my book bag and bouquet from daddy up from in front of my door and walked in the room. As I walked over to my desk, I paused for a minute.

I could see something on my bed from the corner of my eyes. I quickly turned to my bed, and my eyes widened at the sight. In the middle of it was a big dumb teddy bear with a big dumb bouquet of pink roses & peonies in between its legs.

I dropped my book bag on my desk chair and walked over to the bed. What the heck? This wasn't on my bed before I left.

My first thought was to go ask daddy if he got this for me, but I dropped the flowers he gave me only like 2 seconds prior. Also, there was a white card sticking out of the bouquet.

I grabbed it, reading it.

I realized when I started the process of ordering this that I had to make up for not getting you something the last few Valentine's Days we've been best friends so I had to go huge lol.
Happy Valentine's Day to my best friend. You deserve all the love in the world. And until you get a boyfriend, i'm going to show you how you deserve to be treated.
I love you.
-JB

P.S: Check your email, you get first listen to some songs that's going on the album.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and went straight for my gmail. His name was the top of the list.

I opened his email & there were 4 songs attached. One was 'Die In Your Arms'. Another was what I assumed to be the completed version of 'Fairytale'. And the other two were songs I didn't know about.

So of course I went to the songs I hadn't heard before first.

I played the one called 'Boyfriend' first.

It started off with something like a slow hand clap, and after the first 10 seconds, Justin came in, singing in a lower-register.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I can take you places you ain't never been before, Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know, I got money in my hands that I'd really like to blow..."

I liked it. It was good. Great even. But the last one he sent? 'Love Me Like You Do'? I loved it.

I like how your eyes complementing you hair
The way that them jeans fit is making me stare
Promise, I'll be here forever, I swear
Our bodies touching while you

His lower register mixed with the lyrics and the beat sent chills up my spin.

And the ending of the song? The best part.

He did as he did in 'Die In Your Arms', doing a bunch of unnecessary runs at the end. I loved when he did that.

"Ughh!!" I groaned, falling back on the bed. He was making it so hard to stop liking him!! Why was he like this?!? He was the reason I didn't like anybody else.

Yeah, sure, he's the reason, the little devil on my shoulders said sarcastically.

I huffed, sitting back up and looking at the flowers and the bear. I had the urge to throw it out the window but I didn't. Instead, I went to my messages and texted (I couldn't call because he was in New York with his stupid jealous girlfriend) him a thank you before tossing my phone on the bed. Why did I have to like Justin? Why couldn't everything just be platonic? Why did Valentine's Day have to exist?

Fuck Valentine's Day.

6:21 PM
Serenity POV

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over today?" Jillian asked through the phone.

"Aren't you going to meet that Lucas dude for your dance assignment?" I asked as I grabbed my choice of wine out of my wine fridge.

"Yes, but I can still come over afterward."

"Jill, it's cool. I've eaten dinner in my house alone  plenty of times."

"But on Valentines Day after being ghosted?" There was a knock on my door. Thank God.

"I gotta go, food's here."

"Seren-"

"Byeee." I hung up before taking a breath. I loved my best friend, but she was exhausting sometimes.

Okay, i'd been ghosted. And? I'd been through way worse before.

The delivery person knocked again. "Coming!!" I grabbed my wallet & jogged over to the door. I thought about going out for Valentine's Day, but ordering takeout and getting drunk in my apartment seemed more fun.

I swung the door open.

"How mu-" I stopped as Gio flashed me a weak smile.

"I uh, paid and tipped the dude already." He held up the takeout bag, while also holding a bouquet. "Can I come in?"

Minutes later, we both sat silently at my kitchen table. I took a sip of the Château d'Yquem wine before looking at Gio. He was twiddling his thumbs, probably trying to figure out where to start.

"The DNA test came back. I'm Greg's son," Gio snickered. "Not like we needed a test to tell that though."

"You took a test?" I asked. Last thing I heard was that he didn't want to. Gio nodded.

"I decided to after speaking to aunt-" Gio paused chuckling. "To Amelia." Dang, he'd spoken to her too? I guess Gio could read my mind because he nodded. "Yeah I went to go see Amelia. I didn't want to, but I wanted answers and based on how Greg acted, he didn't seem to have any."

"Did she?" Gio snickered.

"Oh yeah. It took me two weeks to leave Vegas & go to her, and I guess my dad-" He paused & sighed. "Elijah told her that I knew. So when I got to Chicago, she laid it all out. And I mean all of it. How she & your mom were best friends when they were younger, how she always liked Greg, how she backstabbed your mom and slept with Greg, then how she backstabbed her again by working with your granddad... your family has had a lot going on for a very long time." I scoffed.

"Who you telling?" Gio snickered.

"Then she told me about how she got caught, which I'd already researched her before I went to her, so I had basic knowledge of the whole car chase shabang. But she said probably only like a week afterward, she found out she was pregnant with me." Gio pursed his lips. "She said she was angry at Greg for 'betraying' her and picking your mom over her. And she told me the truth: if she hadn't been so far along and in jail, nine times out of ten she would've aborted me." Gio looked pained. I leaned over & grabbed his hand. "But since that wasn't an option at that point, she opted to not tell Greg and put me up for adoption. Originally, I wasn't supposed to go to Elijah. Amelia's family wasn't even speaking to her while she was in jail, and still barely do. But Elijah felt bad for me, and Helen couldn't have kids, so they decided to take me. Amelia never wanted me to find out... but she didn't bank on me dating the daughter of the same woman she was jealous of."

"I didn't bank on being the 2012 version of your dad and my mama," I mumbled, taking another sip of my wine. I put the glass back down. "So now you & Amelia...?"

"I don't want a relationship with her. At all. I'm good. I'm glad she gave me to some people less... psycho."

"And you and Greg?" A slight smile appeared on his face & it made me smile.

"After I left Amelia, I did some digging around & found out Greg's number. I called him & he invited me to Los Angeles so we could talk. I flew to LA, he had me stay with him & Tia. He explained that he didn't know, which I already knew, and said that if I wanted to, he wanted to form a relationship with me. I agreed to it. I want to know him. I want to see what we have in common, what I got from him, all of that. We got the DNA test after the talk, I hung around and bonded with him until the test came back, and well... you already know what the results. Afterward, we had a conversation about me talking to Elijah & Helen. He told me I shouldn't be mad at them because they probably figured that they were doing what they thought was best, and they were protecting their child's feelings. So, I decided to come back to talk to them. And you." Gio sighed & grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry that I ghosted you. Especially while you were going through your own shit. That's was hella wrong of me & selfish." I didn't know what to say, because he wasn't wrong. "The least I could've done was tell you that I needed some time to get a grip on things."

"Yeah, you could've," I mumbled, sipping my drink once more as I took my hand out of his. "But it's okay. I wouldn't have been able to grasp onto something like that either. Honestly, if I could've went off the grid in the last couple of weeks I would've."

"Yeah, I saw the paparazzi pictures." Yet, he didn't reach out. It didn't bother me though. "I should've reached out."

"Should've, would've, could've," I shrugged.

"How is everything going with your family anyway?" He asked.

"It's going," I shrugged once more before taking another sip. "MJ's getting help, we're in family therapy, i'm in individual therapy, so we're going somewhere."

"You started doing therapy?" Gio looked concerned.

"Yeah, I went back to the same woman who-" I stopped myself mid-sentence. I never told Gio about the miscarriage. Frankly, it was none of his business. Gio raised an eyebrow. "She helped me with some issues I had before." I could tell he wanted to know more, but he didn't ask. He sat back in his chair, like something was clicking in his brain. It got quiet as I looked at my wine glass, avoiding his gaze. I swirled it around a bit, trying to ignore the stillness in the air before he spoke again.

"You want to break up, don't you?" He asked. I pursed my lips, looking at him. He was already staring at me.

"Truth be told, I figured we were done when you ghosted me."

"Serenity-" I could tell he was about to plead his case. Say that him ghosting me didn't mean that he wanted to break up. And I knew it didn't. I knew he had issues he needed to deal with.

But now, I was dealing with mine. And I needed to work on myself as individual. And I needed to do that alone.

"I'm not happy," I stated. "And I don't mean in the relationship. I was happy in the relationship. Well up until you ghosted me. But in general, i'm not happy. And these past few weeks that you've been gone, I've been working in myself. Working on passion projects, working on loving myself."

"This sounds like a very long winded way to say 'it's not you, it's me'," Gio mumbled before smirking, and I snickered. He sat up in his chair. "But I get what you're saying though. Can't be mad that you want to make yourself happy." And this is exactly what I adored about Gio. He was so understanding & such a great man.

"Exactly. And also, you just went through a major life change. You got some stuff you need to work on too."

"I probably need to start therapy too," Gio snickered, rubbing his head. I nodded as I picked up my glass.

"Yeah, everyone associated with the Jacksons need therapy," I mumbled as I took a sip and he chuckled. It got quiet between us. Gio bit his lip.

"So I guess this is bye huh?" I snickered.

"That was so dramatic to say." Gio busted out laughing & so did I. That was dialogue straight out of a romantic comedy.

"It was. I'm acting like I won't see you around, we're basically cousins now." I practically choked on my drink.

"Uh-" I coughed a little. "Cousins definitely don't do the things we did to each other." I coughed some more as Gio pointed at me.

"You're right," He smirked.

"Also, our parents used to date. We're closer to step-siblings than cousins."

"That's even worse!!" He laughed before abruptly stopping. "That shit is so weird."

"It's like 'Gossip Girl' without the secret child," I shuttered. Gio snickered as it got quiet between us. I pursed my lips, looking around.

"Are you-"

"You're kinda-" We both stopped. I motioned for Gio to speak.

"Are you going to open the food now?"

"Yeah. Once you leave." Gio playfully clutched his chest.

"You're kicking me out?"

"Yes. You're intruding on my me time." Gio raised his hands in surrender as he raised up from the table. I stood up and followed him to the front door. He opened the door before stopping & looking at me.

"I'm sorry, again," He said with serious look.

"It's okay," I said softly. Gio stared at me for a moment before giving me a sweet kiss on the forehead.

"I hope you find your happiness, and then find someone to make you even happier," Gio said softly.

"I hope you get to make up all the lost time with Greg, and eventually find a girl to introduce your messed up family to," I responded & Gio smiled as he stepped back.

"I'll see you at the next family event," He said as he walked out the door & I laughed as I closed it behind him. Then I leaned on it, sighing.

I probably should've been sad over the break up, but I wasn't. Our relationship was perfect (until he ghosted me). But, it wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't bringing me the happiness I really wanted.

What would? I knew what would. I just needed to get myself together first, to achieve individual happiness.

And oh would the next year do that.

February 18th, 2012
8:47 AM
Skylar POV

"Who do you think is going to be next?" Michael randomly asked as we got ready. I paused, looking back at him as he slipped on his jacket.

"Next for what, baby?" Michael stopped and looked at me.

"To pass away." If this had been any other time, I would've been taken aback by the morbidness of the question. However, this was not any other time. It was the day we were saying our final goodbyes to Whitney. So of course Michael was questioning mortality.

I still didn't want to answer the question though.

Michael turned fully to me & swallowed roughly. His eyes which usually looked full of life instead looked dull and sad.

"If you think about it, it's been somebody we've known almost every year since... 1994. Your dad," Michael started & I felt a lump in my throat.

"Michael we don't really have to go down the list-"

"Melvin Franklin, Tupac, The Notorious BIG, Princess Diana, Esther Rolle, Curtis Mayfield-"

"Michael-"

"Aaliyah, Left-eye, Barry, Ray, Rick, Luther, Richard, Nipsey, Gerald, James, Bernie, Eartha, Teena, Teddy, Liz, Heavy," Michael through his hands up frustratedly. "Every year we, both personally and the black community as a whole,  lose somebody. Can we catch a goddamn break?!?" I put my pointer finger up to my lips. Knowing we needed some laughter, I decided to point out something.

"You know Princess Di, Teena Marie & Liz aren't black right?" I asked & Michael stared at me for a moment before rubbing his face and laughing.

"Skylar," He drawled, chuckling as I giggled, walking over to him. "You know what I meant."

"I know, I know baby," I said, wrapping my arms around his torso. He wrapped his arms around me and looked down at me. I sighed. "I don't know who's going to be next."

"But it's going to be somebody because death is inevitable." I nodded.

"That it is. And it's hard to handle. But if you keep it mind that some of these people lived a life, or, like in Whitney's case, are no longer suffering, then it helps a bit." I squeezed Michael a bit and he squeezed me back. "They're all resting. No more health problems, no more dealing with bullshit, none of that." Michael nodded. Then he chuckled a bit. I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"If anybody had attempted to say anything like that to you when Aaron died, you would've cussed them out." I snickered as I let go of Michael.

"Yeah because no one wants to hear that shit right after losing a loved one." I walked back over to the mirror to finish my makeup. "But it's been almost twenty years, and time teaches you to live with all wounds."

3:13 PM

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I'm wishing you joy and happiness
But above all this, I wish you love

There was not a dry eye in the New Hope Baptist Church as everyone watched the pallbearers carry out Whitney's casket.

The music didn't make it any easier.

As Whitney's voice belted out the chorus of 'I Will Always Love You', I could hear a bunch of loud sobs from people who had been trying to hold it together the whole time. I almost started to sob too.

'I Will Always Love You' was always a sad song, but to see Whitney's casket being carried out while it played made the song hurt more than I ever imagined it would.

I'd never be able to listen to the song again.

I, I will always love you...

You
Darling, I love you
I'll always
I'll always love you
Ooh
Ooh...

8:29 PM
MJ POV

Listen, ma, I'll give you all I got
Get me off of this, I need confidence in myself
Yeah, yeah, yeah, ohh, yeah, ohh
Listen, ma, I'll give you all of me
Give me all of it, I need all of it to myself
Whoa-whoa, whoa
So tell me you love me
(Only for tonight, only for the night)
Even though you don't love me
(Oh-whoa, oh-whoa)
Just tell me you love me
(I'll give you what I need) Ohh-yeah
(I'll give you all of me)
Even though you don't love me
(Oh-whoa) Yeah, yeah
(Oh-whoa) Yeah, yeah

Let me see you dance
I love to watch you dance
Take you down another level
And get you dancing with the Devil
Take a shot of this
But I'm warning you
I'm on that shit that you can't smell, baby
So, put down your perfume

"Man... MJ... I can't deny it. Your pen & production? Insane," Abel spoke as we listened to the final version of what he called 'Wicked Games'. "It would've taken me months to finish this."

"I mean... I do this for a living," I joked. "But shit, I wouldn't have came up with the hook and the second verse if you didn't already have the first verse, pre-chorus and beat. I can't really take credit for furnishing the house you built."

"Nigga stop acting all humble and take partial credit for the song," Abel said as he paused it before turning fully to me. "And take the song too, while you're at it."

"Huh?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. Take it where?

"I want you to have the song," Abel shrugged.

"Bro I can't take your so-"

"I'm not gon do shit with it," Abel interrupted.

"Upload it to YouTube!!" I paused. "Matter of fact, sign with Jackson Productions. My pops won't fuck you over like them other labels, and-"

"I don't want to be a singer," Abel interrupted again. "I don't want the fame. I did at one point in time but after seeing how you ended up..." Abel trailed off before shaking his head. "I don't want to put myself in a position to relapse." I nodded, understanding what he was saying. But it also made me wonder...

Would I be putting myself in a position to relapse once I went back to my life? To making music, touring, etc.?

I didn't want to relapse. I had been working especially hard in the last week to be better, stronger.

Was my career even worth it at this point?

"And I got stage fright," Abel laughed, taking me out of my thoughts. "You perform in front of tens of thousands easily. If I had to do a show in front of only 50 people, I'd probably throw up." I snickered. "If I was to release music, I would do it anonymously. Under a stage name or something."

"What name?" I asked. Abel smiled.

"The Weeknd. Without the 'e' in 'end'." Damn this nigga had really thought about it before.

"Why The Weeknd? Without the 'e'?"

"When I dropped out at 17, I left home & convinced my boy Lamar to do the same. We grabbed our mattresses from our parents, threw it in our friends shitty van, and left one weekend and never came back home... I hated my name at the time though so I tried it as a nick name. It sounded cool. I took out the "e" because there is already a canadian band named the weekend."

"Why you leave home?" I asked. Abel shook his head, snickering.

"We getting hella far off topic," He said. "I want you to take the song. It deserves far more than to be uploaded on YouTube by an anonymous person named The Weeknd. This ain't me bragging, but I think a lot of people would like this type of sound from you. Like some of the shit you did with Drake for Take Care. Like 'Crew Love'. And that 'Trust Issues' remix you did. A lot of people was fucking with it. Keep that going. That might just be your signature sound." I pursed my lips. I did like the song, and I did want it...

But at this point, I didn't even know what my future looked like after I left ART. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go back to being an entertainer.

Just in case though...

"Fine. I'll take it." Abel grinned. "I'm putting you down for writing & producer credits though." Abel waved me off.

"You don't have to-"

"I am, cause i'll be damned if I drop it, and then years in the future, you come tryna sue me, saying I stole it," I half joked. He probably wouldn't, but shit people tried it a couple of times with Pops. I had enough on my plate, I didn't need to add getting sued to that. Abel laughed.

"Bro ain't nobody going to do that!!"

"Just to be sure..." I laughed. "But thanks man. I really fuck with this song." I sat back in my chair. "You crazy talented though." We had only done two songs together, but he ain't miss on neither one of them, as far as songwriting and producing. He was like Mica, except his vocals weren't the best. And he wasn't a disloyal nigga. "You know you can't let your talent go to waste."

"It's not," He stated. "I'm using it to help people." He motioned to the pictures of previous patients on the wall. He had helped a lot of people in his 1 years span of being at ART. "And that's good with me." I nodded.

"I respect that." He was doing what made him happy. Couldn't hate on that. "Well," I drummed on the soundboard a little. "Let's rerecord 'Wicked Games', The Weeknd." Abel chuckled as I grimaced. "It is cool, but it's a mouthful. Imma stick with calling you Abel."

February 19th, 2012
12:45 PM
Third Person POV

"How was the funeral?" MJ asked after greeting Michael, Skylar & Serenity on Skype for their make up therapy session. Michael & Skylar drove to New York earlier that morning, figuring they could visit Serenity for a couple of days before heading back home.

"Long and draining," Michael mumbled.

"What did we expect though? Whitney's wedding reception was 8 hours long, you think she wasn't going out with a bang?" Skylar asked & Michael chuckled. She was right, Whitney loved to have a good time.

"How long was it?" The center decided that it wasn't best for the patients to watch the memorial service. They didn't want them to be triggered.

"Four hours," Everybody but MJ spoke.

"Damn," MJ mumbled.

"Everybody wanted to get up there & talk, and sing, for Whitney," Skylar said.

"Including your husband?" MJ asked, smirking. Michael sucked his teeth before smiling. He was happy to see MJ going back to his old, playful self.

"No. They asked me to do something, but I knew I would've started crying in the midst of it. I could barely keep it together when I spoke at James' funeral. I was not about to set myself up like that." Especially knowing the media was waiting for the moment to see a Jackson down, regardless of what situation it is. "And, I don't think think I could've topped Kevin Costner's eulogy."

"Kevin spoke so beautifully about her," Skylar said, putting a hand over her heart.

"He did. Was he in love with her?" Serenity asked. Skylar opened her mouth to speak but Michael spoke first.

"Who wasn't?" He asked & Skylar slowly turned her body towards Michael, raising an eyebrow. Next to Skylar, Serenity's eyes was wide.

On MJ's side, Taylor stopped looking through her previous notes & froze. And MJ covered his mouth, trying to hold back a laugh.

Michael saw his family's reaction & sighed. "C'mon, I was exaggerating. But you all know Whitney was a very beautiful woman, and I did like her when we first met. Well I was infatuated with her beauty."

"Mhm," Skylar playfully rolled her eye. Michael put his arm around Skylar and pulled her closer, making her smile.

"Besides, I'm not the Jackson who was actually in love with her."

"Well then who was?!?" Serenity & MJ asked.

"It was auntie Janet wasn't it? You know she always gave me big bi vibes," MJ said & Taylor had to held back her laugh as the others busted out laughing.

"MJ!!" Skylar yelled between laughs. "No."

"Well who then?" Michael & Skylar looked at each other, amused.

"Jermaine," Michael said as he looked between Serenity and the Skype screen. His children, and Taylor, looked shocked. Skylar giggled im Michael's chest. She had the same reaction when she found out. "They were together for a year back in the 80's."

"What?!?" Serenity asked. "Uncle Jerm & Auntie Whitney?!?"

"Bro Auntie Whitney used to pick the greasiest niggas!!" MJ exclaimed, and they all fell out laughing. Even Taylor, who up until that point was trying to stay professional.

She tended to always let the family speak before getting into the session, knowing this was the only time they saw MJ, but they never had this much interaction. MJ's 180 in the last week was very clear.

"I-i'm sorry Dr: Jeffries," Michael said in between laughs. "We're all off subject."

"It's okay," Taylor chuckled, wiping away a few tears that escaped. "I know you only get this interaction with him only once a week, and truthfully, I enjoyed this."

"Don't be going around telling people my auntie Whitney & Jermaine were messing around," MJ pointed at her jokingly. They all knew she couldn't. Client confidentiality.

"Can do," Taylor joked before clearing her throat. "But seriously, I think this is the most... upbeat I've ever seen you all, topic of conversation aside. It's good to see you in your seemingly normal dynamic. Now how do we keep it that way?"

"By being honest, not holding secrets." The other three Jacksons groaned at Michael. "What?"

"Here you go," Skylar said.

"Actually," Taylor interjected. "Michael has a point. After working with you guys for the past couple of weeks, i've come to the conclusion that secrets and lack of communication are you guys' down fall. Let's go down the list quickly, shall we? And im starting all the way back in the 80s."

"Oh boy," Michael & Skylar mumbled.

"Let's see," Taylor flipped through her notes. She'd gotten some of Michael & Skylar's therapy notes from Dr. Brown too. "Okay, here we go. Michael, your inability to be truthful about sleeping with other women while Skylar was pregnant with the twins caused a delay in the start of your relationship, and trust issues that would last for almost what, 10 years?" Michael pursed his lips. "Skylar, not telling Michael that Joe threatened to kill someone if he did not get a 2 million dollar check and virtually stealing from Michael caused you to get arrested. Luckily the charges didn't stick." Skylar scratched her head, "Also Skylar, not telling Michael something as simple as you being in a music video caused a brief rift in your relationship. Michael, not telling Skylar that you could've possibly been the father of someone else's child sent you on the wrong path, which ended with a break up after Skylar secretly got a DNA test." Taylor looked up at the screen. "Shall I go on?"

"No," Michael & Skylar stated, flustered.

"I will anyway, but i'll summarize your stuff so I can get to these two next. The biggest secret of all that really, excuse my french, fucked you all up was that for years, you were both still in love with each other. Had you just admitted it years prior, or better yet, not broke up and hashed things out like adults, you wouldn't have had to go through things such as marrying someone you really didn't even care for, and hiding a pregnancy for 7 months because you were terrified you would be labeled as a mistress."

"Damn," MJ mumbled as Michael & Skylar sat there awkwardly. They looked like two children who had been scolded

"Uh uh," Taylor said, looking at MJ. She shook her head. "They managed to get it together. You two," She pointed between MJ & Serenity. "Have not. Let's start with you Serenity. All of this, your whole love life, would've been totally different had you just told that Mica boy that you liked him in high school. But no, you hid it and what happened with that? He slept with your cousin. And when you found out? You hid that from everybody. Now, not saying that's something that I would be going around telling people either. But instead of you being honest with your brother about what his bestfriend did to you, you kept a secret. Then what happened? The fallout was worser than it would've been if you told him years ago." Serenity knew one thing. She wasn't prepared to get dragged like this on a Sunday afternoon. "But before we get too deep into Serenity's stuff, let's backtrack to you," Taylor said to MJ & he swallowed harshly. "I want you to think long and hard about this. How do you think Jade would've reacted if you told her that you slept with another woman the same day you did, versus her finding out in front of a large crowd, with the woman being the one to tell her that, and on top of that, telling her she was pregnant with your baby? Hmm?" MJ pursed his lips. He wasn't going to respond & Taylor knew that. "There probably would've been a good chance that you two would be married right now, don't you think?"

Ouch. That felt like a blow to the chest.

"She probably would've forgave you. Or even if she could've never gotten over that, that blow back would've been less messy than it was. You also wouldn't have been tempted to do cocaine to take the pain away, which was the absolute worse secret you could keep. But i'm not going to go into that because we all know the consequences of your secret." Talk of the media, fighting for custody of his child, forever a recovering addict. But hey, he did get the number one album after everyone found, so that was something. "Now back to Serenity." Taylor looked at the screen. "You keeping the miscarriage to yourself, which once again that's not something you're obligated to share, caused you to go in a depression. You pint that up inside of you and what?"

"It messed me up." Taylor nodded.

"Exactly. There's probably other things that i'm missing but you all get the gist. Be honest with each other. Stop keeping things to yourself. It's hurting you guys." None of the Jacksons' replied, instead taking in Taylor's words. "Now-" Taylor stopped when Michael raised his hand. "Go ahead Michael."

"I need to be honest with my wife." MJ already knew where this was going. Skylar looked confused. "Remember when I said I would tell you that secret I had when the time was right?" Skylar nodded slowly, scared where he was going with it. I was addicted to pills."

"Yeah..." Skylar said slowly, squinting. "I knew that already."

"No," Michael shook his head. "I mean..." Michael told them what he told MJ. When he finished, he looked Skylar, who sucked her teeth.

"That's it?" Michael furrowed his eyebrow. "I thought you were going to tell me something like... you had a secret love child somewhere."

"You're not mad?" Skylar cupped his cheek.

"Baby why would I be mad? You didn't harm our children while abusing pills. You got through your addiction. You didn't relapse." Skylar paused, thinking. Could she really know that? He did manage to hide it for years back in the day. "Right?" Michael nodded. "Okay then. But I thank you for being honest with me." Michael thought Skylar would've been mad, so this felt kind of weird. But he wasn't going to complain.

"Great. Anymore secrets to share?" Taylor asked, looking around. MJ raised his hand & Taylor nodded.

"Uh... starting in March of 2011 to about last weekend, I was suicidal. The overdose wasn't me purposely trying to kill myself, but I will admit I was mad that I didn't when I woke up. But something in me changed once I saw the news about auntie Whitney."  MJ looked at his parents and sister, who all looked rightfully dejected & worried. MJ shot them a smirk. "Depression really a mutherfucker." Serenity was the only one who actually snickered.

"Who you telling?" She mumbled as her parents turned their worried faces towards her. Serenity sighed. "I guess I can tell my secret now even though we're not done with MJ's. During the whole miscarriage thing, Dr. Tate officially diagnosed me with depression. Which really shouldn't be shocking." It shouldn't have been, but it was. Damn, the twins knew they could keep some secrets.

"So both of you are have depression?" Michael asked, looking back and forth.

"He's not officially diagnosed-" Taylor spoke.

"It must be a twin thing," MJ mumbled.

"-but from observing him these past few weeks and from what he's told me, MJ seems to have depression."

"See? Twins," MJ said in a fake valley girl voice. He stopped joking around once he saw the look on his parents face. They hadn't said too much, but their face said it all.

They were trying to figure out what to say. How do you respond after hearing two of your children are depressed, and one of them actually wanted to die?

"You don't want to die anymore, right?" Skylar asked, her voice cracking. MJ cursed himself in his head. He hated seeing his mama emotional.

"No mama, I don't want that anymore, and i'm sorry I ever did." Skylar nodded, pursing her lips. Then she took a breath & prepared to share a secret since she was the only one who hadn't.

"I feel like I failed as your mama." MJ & Serenity both sucked their teeth.

"Mama-" MJ started.

"You did not fail us." Serenity looked at Michael for back up, but the look on his face told her that he also felt like he failed as a parent. "Neither of you did."

"If anything, I failed as a son."

"MJ-"

"We have the best parents in the world. We never had to want for nothing, whether that was materialistically or emotionally. You love us, try to be there for us as much as possible, and I took advantage of something most people don't have and turned to drugs instead of to the two people who have yet to let me down."

"So? You making mistakes does not mean you failed as a son," Michael stated.

"Okay, then us making mistakes doesn't mean that you two failed as parents," Serenity shot back and neither of them had a response to that. Serenity continued. "Our mistakes have nothing to do with your parenting. I know you heard the saying 'my mom raised me right, I did wrong on my own'. And that's the truth. Our choices are our choices. And daddy," Serenity looked at Michael. "Considering everything that happened with Grandpa Joe... you did a phenomenal job as a dad." Michael smiled slightly.

"Exactly. Pops, you give the best inspirational speeches. I mean, as a song writer, I knew you had a way with words but damn," The five of them chuckled. "If you hadn't said what you said to me in the hospital... I wouldn't be here."

"And mama," Serenity said, looking at Skylar, who was wiping away tears. "You've always been so supportive of me. In my career, in my personal life. When I had that pregnancy scare with Chris-"

"The what?" Michael asked, looking between his wife & daughter.

"You didn't yell at me or scold me for being a dumb teenager. You comforted me and showed me that I could always count on you if I couldn't count on anybody else."

"Not to mention, you've held it down for me with this entire Mia situation," MJ added.

"Can we go back to the Chris pregnancy thing?" Michael asked, squinting.

"No," Serenity stated plainly.

"Now, do you see that you absolutely did not fail as parents?" Taylor asked before Michael could ask about the Chris thing again. "Even before they said all of that, I knew that you hadn't. Because i've had other families who's parents failed them, and it's apparent from the first moment the patient enters ART. You two are doing a wonderful job and raising wonderful, but flawed children. And that's okay. Everyone is flawed. No one is perfect," Skylar nodded, wiping away more tears. Michael squeezed her hand. Skylar took a breath then looked at MJ.

"MJ you did not fail as a son," Skylar stated, clearing her throat. "I'm so proud of you and everything you've done, everything you've been through, everything you've conquered. I'd take you and all your flaws over a perfect son for a thousand lifetimes."

"Uh, thanks?" MJ joked, grinning and everybody chuckled as Skylar playfully sucked her teeth.

"You know what I mean. You're my baby, my first born and nothing and nobody could ever make me think that you're a failure, fuck up, none of that shit, okay?" MJ nodded, feeling a bit lighter from his mother's words. "I wish I could hug you right now."

"I wish I could hug you too," MJ chuckled.

"I guess i'll settle for these two," Skylar said, wrapping her arms around Michael & Serenity.

"Wooow," They both said, hugging her back and Skylar giggled.

"I love all of you so much. The loves of my lives."

"I love yall."

"I love you guys."

"I tolerate yall," MJ joked and the three of them sucked their teeth, making him laugh. "I love yall man." Taylor smiled.

"How are you guys feeling now that you've been more honest with each other?" They all paused for a moment, looking at each other.

"Free," Skylar, Serenity & MJ stated. Michael rubbed his chin.

"I feel that too, but about the Chris thing-"

"Let it go!!" His wife & children yelled at him. Michael sucked his teeth as Taylor snickered.

"I'm glad you all feel free. You have to keep this up though, both outside and inside of sessions. Can you do that?" Could they? They nodded. "Great. Just remember, secrets not only mess with your family dynamic, but with your mental health too. Being honest and vulnerable and sharing secrets, not necessarily with everyone, can make it feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. The fatigue and feelings of isolation that come along with secret-keeping are avoidable, all you have to do is reveal them."

8:04 PM
MJ POV

"You know what else is your problem?" Abel asked as we sat in our session. I was flipping through my notebook, trying to figure out what song I wanted to show him next since we finished 'Wicked Games' & 'Coming Down'.

"What?" I asked without looking at him.

"You too much of a perfectionist," Abel stated, and I looked up at him. "You're too focused on tryna make your music perfect on the first go around. When really, the first go around should be you tryna get your ideas off." I stared at Abel.

"You do realize who my father is, right?" I asked, pointing. "The damn king of perfectionism." Abel chuckled.

"Yeah but man, you be putting a lot of unnecessary stress on yourself to be perfect. So," He snatched the notebook out of my hands and tossed it on the table.

"Aye!!"

"We're going to do something different tonight."

"Damn nigga, I just started cooperating with you and here you go switching shit up," I stated as he got up and walked over to a door that I honestly never noticed before. He opened it & walked in. A couple seconds later, he walked out with a Red Fender guitar & I felt like a puppy excited to see their owner when I saw that.

"Yall had guitars in this bitch the whole time?!" I asked as he sat down in front of me. I hadn't played guitar since the night I overdosed, and I missed it. "What else yall got?"

"Drums, piano, it's a whole music room behind that door." Wow. He handed me the guitar & I eagerly took it before trying to reach for my notebook but he snatched it away. "No. What I want you to do is play around with it. Play around with some strings until something comes to you. Then whatever comes to mind, let it be free."

"Okay, when I create 'Pussy Is Mine' part two in here, then what?" I joked as I adjusted myself in my seat.

"Please don't create a part two while im in here, thanks." I chuckled as I started tuning the guitar. That only took a hot second. When I finished, I went right into playing random chords. Well not really random, more like random songs that popped in my head. I was trying to get a feel of what I wanted to go with.

I decided to stick with the slow vibe, since that was what we had been working on, and slowed down.

Great, I knew I wanted to be slow, what now?

"Get out your head, let you fingers take the lead," Abel spoke. Yeah, yeah, nigga whatever. I sighed, leaning back in the chair, trying to do as told.

Actively trying to not think was hard as hell. Being told not to think made me want to think. I was feeling the pressure.

I decided to focus on the lights.

Never mind, they almost blinded me.

I closed my eyes, sighing.

Fuck, it had never been this hard to create a song. I-

The chords I played brought me out of my thoughts & I stopped briefly. I opened my eyes and looked down at the guitar before playing the chords again.

D minor chord, G minor chord, A minor chord, A minor chord. Repeat.

It was very simple.

I played those 4 chords for a couple of minutes, closing my eyes and getting comfortable in my seat. As I kept playing them, lyrics came to me.

"Cause getting faded too long got me on this rolling stone, so I take another hit, kill another serotonin, with a hand full of beans and a chest full of weed, got me singing 'bout a bitch while I'm blowing out my steam, yeah, I know I got my issues, why you think I fuckin' flow? And I'ma keep on smoking 'til I can't hit another note... Ooh, but until then, I got you, ooh, baby, I got you, ooh until you're used to my face and my mystery fades, I got you, ooh... So, baby, love me, oh, before they all love me, until you won't love me, oh, because they'll all love me, ooh, I'll be different, oh, I think I'll be different, ooh, I hope I'm not different, oh and I hope you'll still listen...  But until then, baby, I got you, ooh, I got you, oh, ohh, girl, I still got you, oh-ohh, and I got you, ooh, whoa..." I played the chords a little longer before I stopped, opening my eyes and looking at Abel. He grinned at me.

"That was good. But-"

"But?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I really want you to freestyle."

"Was that not a freestyle?"

"Not how im thinking."

"How you gon be picky about a freestyle? But claim I'm a perfectionist." Abel shrugged with a knowing smirk.

"You'll see what I mean eventually. Come on, do something else."

February 23rd, 2012
12:51 PM

"For the last week and a half, i've been listening to you speak on your life, the problems & issues you've faced, how you handled them. Now, it's time to get into the nitty gritty." Great. "For one, I think the fact that Mia poking a hole in the condom had more of an effect on you than you realize." I squinted at her. The hell did she mean? Of course it had an effect on me, she fucked up my whole life. "Not in the way you're thinking though." Taylor sighed. "She violated you, MJ. You did not consent to that, and she gave you that condom knowing that. What Mia did is called reproductive coercion, which is when a person attempts to maintain power and control over the another person's reproductive choices and reproductive health. Poking holes in a condom is one form of reproductive coercion and it falls under what's called 'birth control sabotage. It's a sexual assault crime."

I did not know how to respond to that. Sexual assault? What the fuck?

"B-but the courts, they said-"

"I know," Taylor said. "But you and I both know the legal system in America is crap. And a lot of people tend to think that men can't get taken advantage of sexually. So with that thought, on top of you being a black star with the last name Jackson, is most likely the reason why the courts waved what she did off."

I swallowed harshly. This wasn't clicking in my head.

"She manipulated you and that incident with her seems to be the stem of your trust issues."

"I have trust issues too?" She was just telling me things I had no awareness of. And I was ready to leave.

"You think you don't?" Taylor asked.

"No."

"How come?"

"I-" I paused. I had absolutely nothing to defend myself with.

"You told me the only time you could have sex in the past few years was when you were high, and that you could only have sex with Kiana, right?" I nodded. "Why do you think you could only have sex with only Kiana while you were high?"

"Because..." I trailed off, thinking about it. Damn, Taylor was good at this.

"Because?" Taylor raised an eyebrow. I pursed my lips.

"When I was sober, it wasn't appealing to me. I couldn't... it didn't feel right. And Kiana... I trusted her."

"Why?"

"Because we grew up together & we had sex before. I knew she got around, but I assumed she was smart about it."

"But then you found out she'd spread an STD around to your best friend & sister, and..?"

"I didn't feel safe with her anymore," I admitted.

"And did you have sex with anybody after her?" I shook my head, realizing that Taylor was right. Damn she was good.

"Mia violated me," I mumbled.

"Sexually and emotionally. It stems deeper than just with women you view in a romantic or sexual way. It's why you turned away from your family, why you & Mica fell out-"

"Uh uh." I shook my head. "Mica did that on his own. He had been lying for 4 years, acting clueless like he didn't know why he & Serenity no longer talked."

"And he was wrong for that, but Serenity did the same thing. And you're no longer mad at her, why?"

"Because that's my sister. My twin sister. And she told me why she was doing it, which was to not ruin our friendship. And im pretty sure she's still in love with him. But he was doing it for his own selfish reasons."

"Which were?" I opened my mouth to respond before closing it. To be honest, I didn't really know. "You think he has his own selfish reasons, but you don't know for sure."

"Well even they aren't selfish. Out of respect for both Serenity & our friendship, he should've never did her like that."

"Serenity forgave him though. So why can't you?" I didn't know. But I answered anyway.

"Because i'm not in love with him," I shot. Taylor snickered.

"But that's your bestfriend."

"Was."

"He was your bestfriend. For 15 years, am I correct?" I quickly counted in my head before nodding. Damn I had been friends with him for that long? "But one mistake and he's out the door."

"He's a liar."

"But you get what i'm saying, right?" Taylor asked leaning forward in her chair. "Mia messed up your trust so much, you can't let go of what Mica did. What Kiana did. You haven't even spoken to your other friends he knew because you feel what? Violated." Now it was all settling into my brain & I slumped back in the chair. "You don't like that feeling. You don't want that feeling. So in the first instance you don't feel safe, when you feel unprotected, whoever did it is out the door. Your flight or fight is triggered & you take flight every time." I swallowed roughly as Taylor spoke softly. "And i'm so sorry that Mia violated you. I'm sorry that she was able to get away with it. That she took your trust & stomped on it. But we're going to work on building it back up, okay?" I nodded, wiping away some tears that I hadn't noticed slipped. Damn she was a good therapist. "And that starts with forgiveness." Never mind. I frowned up.

"Forgive Mia?!? Hell no."

"Not Mia." Taylor stopped & thought about it. "Well technically, you're supposed to forgive her for yourself, so that you can move on, but I can admit, majority of the time that is bullshit." Okay, I take back my never mind. She's a good and honest therapist. "I would never tell a patient that they have to forgive the person that sexually assaulted them, because those people aren't sorry, and forgiving them for yourself still doesn't help you. I'm talking about forgiving the others who you feel violated by. Kiana, Mica, your other friends."

"Mica can go to hell."

"I can see that Mica is going to be a longer process but that's okay." It wasn't going to be a process because I wasn't going to forgive Mica. But I'd humor her. "Forgiveness & letting go, that's what we're focusing on. And speaking of letting go, let's transition to the other woman I wanted to focus on today. Jade."

"This session was heavy enough, I think we can end early today," I said, standing up.

"Aht aht!!" She scolded me like a child & I slowly sat back down. "I let you get away with that before. Now that we're diving into it, you can't run. You'll never heal if you keep running." I sighed. "You have to let go of any guilt you have about her. Anything you're harboring about her. It's been almost three years since everything happened. It's hurting you. And part of that, is taking ownership in where you went wrong." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What do you mean? I know where I went wrong, i've admitted it."

"You mostly blame Mia for your relationship ending."

"Now didn't we-"

"Yes, she sexually assaulted you, there's no doubt about that, but... you weren't honest to Jade about sleeping with Mia when it happened. You told me that you thought that you two were over once she said no to the proposal, but if you really felt like that, then you wouldn't have been scared to admit what you did." I pursed my lips as Taylor stared at me for a moment. Then she continued. "You could've told her, and then Mia wouldn't have been able to drop that bomb the way she did. So you can blame her for poking a hole & getting pregnant, but you can't blame her when you did decide to sleep with her."

I hated to admit it, but she was right. And this was evil as hell to say, but... "I thought I could take that to the grave with me. Or at least, wait until we were married for at least twenty years then tell her." I scoffed, looking at Taylor. "That's fucked up, ain't it?"

"A little, but i'm not here to judge."

"I should've told her that night. Or not have dipped out when she said n-"

"Uh uh," Taylor shook her head. "We're not doing that. You can't take back what happened, you can't go back in time, so there's no point of dwelling on what you should've done. We're letting go, remember?" I nodded. "You're not going to keep beating yourself up about it. Which is why I want you to do this exercise." Taylor shifted in her chair. "I want you to write a letter to Jade.

"Write a letter?" I asked, frowning.

"Yes, saying everything that's on your heart."

"I've done that. In music form. And as you can see, it hasn't really worked."

"Writing a song isn't the same thing as directly writing a letter to her. I want this to be something that's private. Only for your, and if you decide to send it, her eyes to see." I stared at Taylor for a moment.

"So I don't have to send this if I don't want to?" Taylor shook her head. I threw my hands up. "Then why the hell am i writing this?"

"For yourself. So that you can tell her everything you've wanted to say since that day. And you can tell her in private, not in front of the world."

"And you're not going to read it?" She shook her head once more. "So how will you know if I decide to do it."

"I won't," She shrugged. "Therefore you can choice whether or not you want to do it. But if you don't do it, that's your healing." I guess I was doing it then.

7:49 PM

When I walked into the studio, Abel was in there, obviously. He didn't notice me though, he was too busy nodding his head to a beat. It sounded familiar, but unfamiliar at the same. One thing I was sure though, it was catchy as shit. I nodded along with it as I stepped further into the room.

"This is... a happy house... we're happy here... in a happy house, oh this is fun, fun, fun, fun..." This was a sample of something for sure, but I couldn't recall what it was.

While I tried to wrack my brain to figure out where the sample came from, the beat switched & threw me all the way the fuck off.

It was less 'happy' than the first half of the beat. It gave me a alternative R&B & rock hybrid. Some type of shit I never heard before, but I was rocking with it.

Abel turned to grab something, but jumped when he saw me.

"My bad man," I said as I walked over to him. He stopped the music.

"Scared the shit out of me, standing there like Michael Myers," Abel said as we did our handshake. And yeah, we had a handshake. I don't know how that happened. "You early."

"The team building activity wasn't long today." I sat next to him. "That beat was dope."

"Thanks. Elena had us doing karaoke for a session on Monday, and 'Happy House' been stuck in my head since. Thought it would be a dope sample." Ah, that's what the sample is. I nodded.

"What made you do the switch up & change the beat?" Abel shrugged.

"I wanted to try something new." I nodded again.

"It's dope. Play it again."

"From the beginning?" He asked as he reached to rewind it back.

"To right before the switch up," I said as I stood up and headed into the booth. When I got in there, I could see Abel smirking. He pressed to speak through the glass.

"You just gon debo my beat, huh?"

"You don't mind," I waved him off as I put on the headphones. "Beside, you still got me free styling right?" That was what he had me doing every day since Sunday. Abel nodded. "Okay then, I got something."

"Let me hear it then," Abel said as he played the beat from the middle of it.

"This is... a happy house... we're happy here... in a happy house, oh this is fun, fun..."

"This is fun to me," I sang lowly.

"Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun... woah, woahhhh, woah, -oh, -oh, -oh," Then came the segue and I cleared my throat before beginning.

"Bring the 707 out." For those who do not know what a 707 is, it's a glass table made by Boeing.  I have one in my house. It is also the chemical name for glass cleaners. Two things i've used a lot as a cocaine user. I repeated it a couple of times cause truth be told, I didn't know what the hell I was about to say. The beat was speaking to me though, and I wanted to rap.

I think I got it now though. "Bring the 7... Two puffs for the lady who be down for that, whatever, together, bring your own stash of the greatest, trade it, roll a dub, burn a dub, cough a dub, taste it," I could see Abel grinning from the other side as he nodded. "Then watch us chase it with a handful of pills, no chasers, jaw clenching on some super-sized papers and she bad and her head bad, escaping, her van is a Wonderland, and it's half-past six, read skies 'cause time don't exist, but when the stars shine back to the crib, superstar lines back at the crib, and we can test out the tables, we got some brand new tables... All glass and it's four feet wide but it's a must to get us ten feet high," I motioned to the height and  Abel was nodding his head furiously, grinning. I wanted to laugh but that would've fucked up my flow. "She give me sex in a handbag, I get her wetter than a wet nap, ain't no closed doors so I listen to her moans echo..." I smiled as I said the next part. I know this is what people say about me. "'I heard he do drugs now', you heard wrong, I been on it for a minute," Abel fell out laughing but I was dead ass. And I was really feeling the song now. I closed my eyes as I sped up slightly. "We just never act a fool, that's just how we fuckin' live it and when we act a fool, it's probably 'cause we mixed it, yeah, I'm always on that okey-dokey, them white boys know the deal, ain't no fuckin' phony, Big M know the deal, he the one who showed me, watch me ride this fucking beat like he fuckin' told me, "Is that your girl, what's her fucking story?" She kinda bad but she ride it like a fucking pony, I cut down on her man, be her fuckin' story, yeah, I'm talking 'bout you, man, get to know me, ain't no offense, though, I promise you, if you a real man, dude, you gon' decide the truth, but I'm a nice dude with some nice dreams, and we could turn this to a nightmare, Elm Street," I opened my eyes and saw Abel hyped up on the other side. He wasn't even sitting down anymore, the mans was up on his feet. I grinned before finishing the last of it off. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, I'm so gone, so gone, bring out the glass tables, bring the 707 out, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, i'm so gone, so gone, bring out the glass tables, bring the 707 out..." I didn't know what else to say or do, so I decided to leave it at that. I took the headphones out & saw Abel clapping on the other side. I chuckled, walking out of the booth. Abel was still clapping.

"Now that's what the fuck i'm talking about!!" Abel yelled. "That's a fucking freestyle, that's being completely mutherfucking free!!"

"That felt good," I laughed, rubbing my neck.

"You got that off your chest without even thinking about it. You said what was on your mind, on your heart. And that shit was fire!"

"I wouldn't have did it without the beat, man, so thanks," I pointed at him. Abel waved me off. "Nah man don't wave me off. You always act like you don't be doing nothing but this process wouldn't work without you and your input. We make a good team." A great team even. Hmmm...

"Gone with that sentimental shit, and come listen to how nuts you went," Abel said as he sat back down and rewinded the track. I obliged, not responding, as the wheels turned in my head.

If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that Abel & I's musical chemistry was crazy. If I decided to go back to music once I left ART (and that was still tbd), I'd want to keep our working relationship going.

Guess I had to make a decision about whether not I was going back to music. And soon, so I could figure out a way to get him to come with me.

10:36 PM

Instead of doing my personal reflection for the day, I decided I would take the time to write my letter to Jade. I sat down on my bed & flipped opened my reflection notebook to a blank page. Then, I told her everything I wish I could've told her in person.

Dear Jade,

I don't know if you'll ever see this, but here goes nothing.

I know it's been almost three years, and I know I've said this before, and you didn't care to hear it then, and you might not care to hear it now, but I am truly sorry. For everything. For how shit went down. For all the pain I caused you. For lying to you. For even doubting you that night after you said 'no'. I let my ego and pride blind me, and in the end, I still lost you.

At one point of time, I foolishly believed that I could get you back. That you would eventually forgive me & we could work things out. That you would listen to Glass House and would reach out to me. That cocaine was obviously eating at my fucking brain.

I'm not writing to convince you to forgive me. We both know I don't deserve it, and it doesn't change a thing. But I'm writing because you deserved another apology. An authentic, thorough apology.

I'm also writing this to tell you thank you & goodbye.

No, i'm not killing myself (the rehab won't let me), but I feel as we need this. Actually, I don't want to speak for you, so i'll say I need this for closure.

Good byes are the hardest thing on Earth but some goodbyes open paths for new beginnings. So as you are moving in a new chapter in your life, there are a few things I want to say to you before we part ways for this lifetime.

Meeting you was the blessing of life. Being with you made me feel ALIVE. You loved me in ways that I never thought someone could ever love me. You gave me memories for life. Your support helped me to grow professionally. Your smiles were a reason for my happiness. Your achievements were my motivation. Your sharing made my days complete.

I hope you've found somebody to love. Or will find someone, if you haven't already. I hope that what I did will never stop you from giving out all the love that you gave to me. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world. All I've ever wanted was to see you happy, and that'll never change.

This may be selfish to tell you, but I love you Jade. And I always will.

Which should make you feel good because for me, you'll always be the one that got away.

Goodbye,

-xo, MJ

I thought that by the end of it, I would be crying, but I didn't. I didn't even feel sad anymore.

I felt free. I felt relieved.

I knew that I would never give the letter to Jade, but it helped me to actually sit there and process my feelings.

Oh Taylor was good.

February 24th, 2012
12:43 PM

"I did it!" I yelled as I busted in Taylor's office. She didn't even jump. She looked at me confused. "I wrote the letter." Her confusion turned into amusement.

"And how do you feel?" She asked as she got up from her desk.

"Like a weight has been lifted off my chest," I said as I plopped down on the couch. She sat in front of me, and crossed her legs, smirking.

"You know what i'm going to tell you to do then, right?"

"Send it?" I asked, deflating. I hope she ain't tell me to send it.

"Nope. From now on, at least once a week, I want you to write a letter to someone you've wronged, or someone you feel has wronged you. If you feel like that after one person, imagine how you'll feel after writing 5, 10, however many." Healing, here I come.

May 5th, 2012
12:49 PM

Before I knew it, I was in my last couple of weeks at ART.

Something that I thought would drag on, was about to end in a blink of an eye.

I was actually supposed to only do three months, but I felt staying a little longer would do me some good since I didn't participate as much as I should've in the beginning.

I also wanted to hold off on going back to real life.

I'd come to the conclusion that I did want to go back to being an entertainer. That was inevitable to me, especially with the way me & Abel had been working on music for the past 3 months.

That didn't mean it didn't scare me. Well it scared me, as in past tense.

Once I got to the three and a half month mark of rehab, Taylor confronted me on it. And I told her the truth.

I was scared that I would be weak enough to fall back into old habits.

She told me I was stupid.

Not in those exact words, that's how I summarized it.

What Taylor really told me was that I shouldn't let my fear get in the way of what I love to do.

"There will always be triggers, always a possibility of you relapsing. But you're a strong person. You've witnessed how it is to feel on top of the world and the be at rock bottom. You got this. And remember, you don't have to handle this alone. You have people who love you. And just because you're leaving ART soon doesn't mean I have to stop being your therapist. This isn't the 90's, telehealth is a thing."

That, on top of everything else Taylor, Abel & everyone else had instilled in me during my time at ART, made me realize I could handle what the fuck ever life threw at me, I was ready. Well kind of.

"How do I convince Abel to move to LA and become a producer?" I asked Taylor. Taylor scratched her head.

"Um..."

"Come on Taylor, you & I both know that Abel is hella fucking talented. What he doing is honest work, yeah, but I can't even lie, I want him on my team so bad once I leave her. I want you too, but you already told me you not moving."

"And i'm pretty sure he has too," Taylor chuckled, shaking her head.

"I mean, I can do therapy online. I can't make music online." I thought about what I said. "Okay, I can, but me and Abel are magic together in person. You heard the music we've made." I think we had made over 2 dozen songs in the 12 weeks i'd been cooperating with rehab.

"Yes, and it is amazing, i'll give you two that. But..." Taylor pursed her lips. "Do you really want Abel around for music, or are you trying to make him a replacement for Mica?" I sucked my teeth. Here we go. "C'mon MJ. You're getting into your last two weeks here. We've probably covered every topic but Mica & Mia, and I already know that Mia is going to be a longterm issue that we'll be focusing on even after you complete rehab." Yeah cause it's kind hard forgiving a bitch who violated you in more ways than one. "Have you even written a letter to Mica?" I had not. I had written a bunch of letters over the weeks. I wrote some to each of my individual friends telling them why I was upset while also telling them I was no longer mad at them (especially after Serenity told me she told them to not tell me). I'd written a letter to Serenity to express my thought processes during the times we were on the outs, and I actually read it to her during a family therapy session (which ended in tears of course). I'd written to Melody & Maiya, apologizing for not being a better big brother in the last year or so, and promised to do better. I'd written a letter to Mila, apologizing for my faults and promising I would fight tooth and nail to maintain custody of her and that I would be the best father I could be (which, by the time she would be old enough to read it, im pretty sure she wouldn't remember shit from this time, and that custody shit would be worked out, hopefully). I wrote Kiana too. I apologized for lying on her, and how I acted the whole time while I was on coke. And I admitted to her that it wasn't really her that I was mad at, it was just my reaction to feeling like I was being violated again. I hope she understood where I was coming from, especially since she's a recovering addict too. I sent the letter to her, nobody ever confirmed if she got it though.

I even wrote Mia a letter, but I said a lot of shit in there that would probably cause me to immediately lose custody if I gave it to her. Like I said, it's kind hard forgiving a bitch who violated you in more ways than one.

But as far as Mica goes?

"I don't have shit to say to that nigga." Taylor sighed.

"MJ, what have we been working towards the entire time you've been here?"

"Letting go. And I have let go... of that damn friendship." She let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing her forehead.

"You're so stubborn."

"So I've heard," I smirked.

"You wrote a letter to everybody. Your siblings, daughter, other friends, even Mia. Why don't you want to write one to Mica? You know you don't have to give it to him. You don't even have to speak to him ever again if you don't want to. But you and I both know that writing these letters have been doing you good. So why not write one to him?" I shrugged. She stared at me for moment before giving me that look that meant she knew. We both knew. "You know by the end, you'll forgive him. Once you get all your thoughts and anger out, you'll forgive him. And you don't want to because you no longer trust him like you did once before, but it's inevitable." I folded my lips.

"You know me too well. I think we need to see other people."

"MJ." I sucked my teeth.

"We've been friends for more than half our lives. That was my boy, and I trusted him. I'll admit, I miss him, and other than that incident, he ain't never did nothing to make me look at him sideways. But, as you said, I feel violated. Like..." I sighed. "He lied to me for years. Years. Acting like he didn't know what the hell was going on with Serenity, or with Kiana. I asked that man why he & Kiana got into an argument at Mehki & Mila's birthday party, and he straight up lied. He had the chance to come clean then. Then it's the fact that he never told me directly. I happened to find out while he was screaming at Kiana. Which, to me, seems as he would've never said anything, had I not caught him screaming at her. Yeah, I may be a hypocrite, considering all the secrets I held from him, but I ain't never did nothing to disrespect his family then turned around and hid it from him. I just..." I shook my head. "I don't know if I can get past that shit." Taylor nodded. "Maybe im doing too much-"

"What I tell you about invalidating your feelings?" Taylor scolded me like a child. "Your feelings are valid. You feel betrayed, and you are allowed to feel like that. Don't try to downplay it because of what you think others may think." I nodded. "But you also have to work through those feelings. You can't hold onto your anger because it's not good for you. I sound like a broken record, but-"

"I'll never heal if I keep running, I know," I mumbled. Sometimes Taylor got on my nerves, making sense and shit.

"You do know. And you know what you have to do." I sighed.

"I'm not writing him a letter." Taylor sighed too. "I think this situation needs more than a letter." It has been almost a year. "We need to have a honest conversation." Taylor's face flashed with shock, but it came as quick as it went.

"Really?" I nodded. I wanted to at least hear his point of view. Taylor smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. And i'm proud of you, MJ. That's growth." I grinned. "You know once you leave and start your weekly sessions, i'm going to bother you until you do it, right?" I snickered.

"I'll do it before our first weekly session."

"I'm holding you too it," She pointed and I chuckled, nodding.

"But back to the Abel situation. No, I am not trying to replace Mica with Abel. Me & Abel tight, but he'll never be able to replace 15 years of friendship. I just... really like our musical vibe. It's like... Ike & Tin- nah that's not a good example. Uhmmm..." I was trying to think of two people who had immaculate musical chemistry. "Outkast. Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis. Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell. Sonny & Cher. Jay Z & Beyoncé. Jay Z & Kanye West. Michael Jackson & Teddy Riley." I appreciated that Taylor never interrupted my tangents, even though ya boy could really get off topic. I shook my head. "Sorry, i'm rambling, but you get what i'm saying. Me & him could create greatness."

"You already have."

Ding, ding, ding.

2:11 PM

"I wanna drop all the songs we made," I told Abel as I walked into the studio. He looked at me, confused before looking at his watch and looking back at me. Then I watched as what I said clicked in his head and his eyes widened.

"What?!"

"I wanna drop all the songs, as a CD or maybe mixtape or something," I said as I walked over to him. "That shit too good to stay in my vault. I got plenty of good songs in my vault, no need to add more."

"But you want to drop all of them?"

"Yes," I sat down in my usual chair. "I want to be honest, like you said I should be. I want my fans, and the world, to see that although I may have been knocked down, I got up 10x stronger. And damn near got better at music while I was at it." Abel snickered. "Like... I really like the music we created. It's different, it's fresh, it's... me. The music I was making before was good, but I feel like this is really my sound now. Even though I got it from you, but you'll get songwriter & producer credits for every single song, which will ensure that you'll get royalties." Abel chuckled, patting my shoulder.

"Nah man, you're right. That shit is definitely your sound now. You been bodying that shit for the past few months. That's yo shit." I smiled proudly. "Do it man. Drop it. When you thinking about dropping?"

"Why not debut it with the brand new version of me?" Abel's eyes budged again.

"You mean-"

"We dropping in two weeks man." Abel jumped up.

"Two weeks?!? That ain't enough time! We gotta mix the shit, you don't even know rather you want it as a mixtape or album, you don't even have a name-"

"And I wanna record some more." Abel looked like he wanted to pass out. I chuckled, patting his shoulder. "Relax dude. Ain't you the one who told me to not put pressure on the shit? Take your own advice. We got this."

May 18th, 2012
9:27 PM

Trilogy. That was the name we decided on for the mixtape. It was fitting as my third project. It was also long enough to be split into three parts, and that's technically how we divided it.

Part one was House of Balloons. Abel named it after where he first lived after he dropped out of school at 17. Part two was called Thursday. Part three, Echoes of Silence. All named after the tracks on the mixtape.

All three parts were getting dropped at once.

In a little more than 24 hours, Trilogy would be out for the world to see.

And in a little more than 12 hours, I'd be out for the world to see.

I was ready though.

"I can't believe we did that shit in two weeks, that was insane," Abel said as we sat in the studio together, chilling. This would be my last time in here. It was bittersweet.

"I told you we could do it though."

"Yeah, but that shit was stressful," Abel chuckled. "I'm glad i'm not a real producer."

"Shit, after Trilogy you'll be, Weeknd," I smirked and he smiled proudly. And he should be proud of himself. He managed to create a fucking album in a rehab center's studio. "You know... now that you have produced an album, have you changed your mind?"

"About?" He asked as he looked over the track list.

"Being apart of something bigger than this." Abel looked up at me & sighed.

"MJ I told you, i'm okay with where i'm at. "I'm helping people here. That's bigger than me, and i'm good with that."

"Yeah but... don't you want to help more?" I asked leaning forward. "You and I both know music helps people. Obviously, because we wouldn't be here if it didn't. But even if people aren't making music, they're listening to it. Taking it all in, singing or screaming their feelings out to it. You know how many people have told my Pops that his music saved them? How his music got them through tough times? And his isn't the only one. Uncle P's, Tupac's, Beyoncé's, Bieber's, hell people have even told me that. The list goes on. You don't ever think about being a part of something bigger than this? Reaching a bigger audience than this? I mean, after tomorrow night, you will be reaching an audience bigger than this. But why stop after that? Why not keep it going as The Weeknd, the producer & songwriter?"

"MJ you act like i'm the only person who did this album. This is your album. Majority of those lyrics are yours. Even with some of the songs I gave you, you ended up finishing where I got stuck at."

"Man, this our album. I could've never made this shit with anybody else. Nor will I probably ever make shit like this with anybody else. Come in Abel, you don't even have to quit being the director of music theory. I got money to fly you out, or fly to you hell. I might fly to you though cause I like Canada. It's peaceful here, nice. Cold as shit in the winter," He chuckled. "But imma miss it." I sighed, feeling a little sad that this was my last night here. But I quickly recovered because I was getting off topic. "And then when you make enough money, you can buy a house in Los Angeles. Or I can buy you a condo or something."

"You don't have to buy me nothing," Abel snickered.

"I'm just trying to show you i'm serious about this. I'm tryna compromise. Come on Abel." Abel stayed silent for a moment. He was clearly thinking. Then he looked at me.

"Fine."

"Yeah!! That's what i'm talking about!!" I said as we did our handshake. "Man, we gon be unstoppable!!"

"Let's let Trilogy get out first and see what people say before we get too hyped."

"Who the hell cares what people say?" I asked, sitting back in my chair. "I'm tired of giving a fuck about what people say or think. That's part of the reason I ended up here. I felt crushed by the weight of people's opinions. The media was on my ass, and I was taking in everything they said. I don't give a fuck no more. I like what the fuck i'm doing, and that's all that matters."

"Okay, okay, there you go," Abel laughed before looking at the track list again. I sucked my teeth.

"Why you keep looking at the track list?"

"I don't know. I feel like if we're going to divide the album into three parts, we could at least have made the amount of songs divisible by three." I sucked my teeth.

"Man who cares about that shit?"

"I don't know man, it just feels off." I shook my head. It didn't matter to me. The mixtape was already long, people may not even make it to the end.

"You wanna cut something?" He stared at the paper, not responding. "Abel?"

"Huh? Nah, nah," He shook his head before looking at me & smirking. "I wanna add something."

10:10 PM

"On every album of yours, you have one Michael Jackson song on there, unreleased on Because of You & Glass House and released on the MTV Unplugged album. This is a tradition at this point for you, but that tradition ends with Trilogy. You are not just Michael Jackson's son. You're bigger than that. You're MJ, a star in your own fucking right, and everybody needs to respect you as such. Now show them the MJ way of how you do shit." Abel, after finishing that dramatic but great speech, pressed play on the beat he happened to have, and it was a wrap from there.

"Oh no, oh no... you'll never make me stay, so take your weight off of me..."

May 19th, 2012
11:17 AM

I was packing up the last of my room when there was a knock on my door. Which, I don't understand why whoever it was knocked because the door was open.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning around to see my family piling into the room. I grinned widely, running straight over to my mama & hugging her tightly, rocking her back and forth. "Hey mama."

"Hey MJ," She cooed, hugging back just as tight. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." I didn't want to let go, but I also wanted to hug everybody else too. I loosened my grip on her & she moved her hands from around my waist to cup my cheeks. She had tears in her eyes, making me laugh. "Don't start this crying man." She nodded, sniffling.

"I'm so happy I can hold you in my arms. You look so healthy." She pinched my cheeks. "You got some weight on you." I chuckled as I moved from her to Pops, giving him a tight hug. We didn't say anything, but did we really need to? He mad emotional anyway, if he spoke, he'd start crying.

After him, I hugged Serenity.

"I'm so proud of you Bubba."

"Thank you, Rin-Rin." She shoved me off as everybody else laughed. I grinned before moving to Melody, who hugged me before I could even hug her. I understood though. We hadn't really got a chance to talk before I went into rehab, or hell, since March 2011. We didn't get to talk much in family therapy either, since sometimes she & Maiya weren't there or when they were, we were doing an activity. I sent her the letter I wrote for her, but I knew I needed to sit her down and talk to her directly. Same with Maiya. Once Melody & I let go, Maiya did the same, then I scooped up Mehki, who grinned at me.

"I mwissed you, MJ," My eyes widened. When the fuck did he learn how to talk that good?

Wait.

Shit.

He would be three next month. And I had barely seen him since March 2011 too. Time flies when you fucking up.

"I missed you too, little bro," I kissed his chubby cheeks before looking at my family.

Goddamn, I missed them. I'd never try to purposely be away from them for as long as I did ever again.

1:07 PM

"I gotta admit," Taylor said as we stood near the front door of ART. "Imma miss you and all of your antics MJ."

"Awww, you act like we won't see each other weekly online." Taylor chuckled.

"You know it ain't the same as in person."

"I mean, just name your price-"

"Nope," She spoke quickly & we busted out laughing. "This is my home, forever and always." I nodded.

"Understandable." Taylor put her hand out for a handshake. I sucked my teeth. "You helped me through too much to just give me a handshake." Taylor smiled before opening her arms. "That's better." I walked into her arms & hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much Taylor. I really appreciate you and everything that you've done for me."

"For us," Pops spoke from behind me. I playfully sucked my teeth as I let go of her.

"Could you gone?!? This my moment!!" Pops ignored me as he shook Taylor's hand.

"You're both welcome. I look forward to seeing you both through Skype weekly." Pops nodded before looking at me.

"We'll be outside," He said, patting my back and walking off. I looked back at Taylor, who was smiling at me. "What?"

"I'm just so proud of you and your growth," She stated, and I smiled.

"Me too," Abel said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"Ah, he emerges from his music dungeon," Taylor joked as Abel dapped me up.

"You didn't think I wasn't going to say bye to my boy, did you?"

"Not bye, nigga, see you later," I said as we did our handshake. "This ain't the end, this is only the beginning."

"Yes it is." As we finished our handshake, I pulled Abel in for a hug.

"Thank you so much, Abel."

"Nah, thank you. You changed my life just as much as I changed yours." I nodded as we let go.

"Less than 11 hours until Trilogy," Taylor said, grinning. "It's time to show them MJ is back and he's better."

And stronger. Can't forget stronger.