We called a team meeting in the morning to inform the other team members. It was awkward and uncomfortable to sit around everyone again, especially with Barton being back in town. We never really made any effort with each other, but him knowing I backed Loki made it worse. His suspicion of me only seemed to have increase, the glares more obvious and longer now, meaning he knew of my sleepwalking murder attempt. It didn't bother me too much, he shouldn't even be here. He had a family and a good life, he didn't need to get involved in this anymore. Sam also seemed uncomfortable around me, although we never gelled too well together outside of missions. It happens, we didn't all get on well together personally, but we all did have connections that kept us loyal. Tony went through some admin stuff, updates on cases and areas of concern Fury is keeping an eye on to see if we needed to intervene. I'd expected for us to go next and the meeting to be over with, but it was obvious something else was happening as Tony kept glancing nervously at Steve. Steve crossed his arms across his chest once Tony was done and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.
"There's been a situation developing. Hydra symbols have been appearing in cities across the Eastern Bloc and there have been rumours of Hydra operations in Lagos. We are monitoring the situation, but it could be Bucky." My breath hitched. This wasn't the news we wanted around Bucky, we wanted him to be far removed from any mention of Hydra. If they had gotten to him again it was going to be bad. That was the worst case scenario.
"Steve I–"
"You can't be on this mission, Kaya. If there is more proof and we do go you will not be there." I immediately turned to Tony, hoping for some sympathy. He avoided eye contact with me, keeping his eyes glued to his hands as he fiddled with something.
"Great the first time you two agree on something in months and it's on this. If Hydra have him I may be the only person who could truly help him." I countered, knowing that it wouldn't be enough to convince him otherwise but trying my best hand. Of course, it didn't matter. Steve already broke through his mind control before so even if Hydra did have him
"And you are also the most likely for them to try to capture. Also if they asked you to kill Bucky once before, they could have asked Bucky to do the same. I put you in danger by pushing for your memories, I won't take that risk again. The answer is no." I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted blood. There was no arguing with this, they'd made the decision before they even knew Bucky could have been involved. I guess they never planned to actually let me help find him, or if they were going to let me then the past two weeks convinced them otherwise.
"We are just trying to look out for you, kid." Tony spoke up. I nodded quietly, needing more time to make sure I didn't cry. I'd been way too emotional lately, especially this morning. So for the next few minutes I stayed quiet whilst the team planned to monitor the situation and prepare for the possibility of a mission.
It stung. Once again I was brought back to the same position I was months ago. Everyone else working together on something and me stuck in the background. Which is when Nat spoke up.
"Kaya, there is something else we want you on. Fury and I have been monitoring a situation not related to Hydra, which I was meant to be involved in. But because I've been called away to this I was hoping that you would take my place." She slid a paper file over the table, something only she and Steve seemed to use. To say I was surprised that Fury would even allow such a thing is an understatement. As I opened the file I realised why. There wasn't enough time now to go over everything, and I suspected a lot more paperwork was going to be sent my way. So, with a heartfelt thank you I put aside the file to focus on the meeting for now. More specifically what was about to happen. I glanced nervously at Thor and Loki beside me. Loki had his chair pushed away from the table, so it was backed to the glass behind him. It was as if he was prepared to bolt at any second, and the thought unnerved me. He looked uncomfortable and I couldn't understand why. He should be happy about returning home. Asgard was all he usually talked about, I've spent countless hours listening to him talk about his time there. About the people and politics, everything he missed and wished to get back to. So I couldn't understand why he looked as miserable as I felt. I told myself it was because of the meeting because he was uncomfortable with the entire situation. Still, part of me hoped there was another reason.
Shaking that thought out of my head slightly, I concentrated on the matter at hand. I looked to Thor, who had kept his head bowed. He was the happiest by far. Odin had bound him to Midgard until he was able to make amends, for Thor this was just proof of what he hoped was happening. He wanted his brother back, the person he remembered fighting by his side throughout his life. I hoped Thor could accept something in between. Loki would never truly be that person again, everything he did and was made to do would stay with him forever. Moreover, all that anger and jealousy that fuelled his actions remained. He hadn't healed entirely yet and wouldn't for a long time more. But this was the start of a journey, and I was sure Odin saw it that way. I told myself that Odin would know returning home would continue that journey for him. I reassured myself that this is what he needed. Still, Thor excitement was the reason we decided this morning that I would be the one to tell the team. We weren't sure exactly how everyone was going to take it. None of them particularly wanted him around to begin with, settling for putting him into a cage just because he couldn't return home. We talked them into letting him into a room, but people weren't exactly happy about it. Still, overtime he became more integrated. Well, as much as Loki could. He was still an outsider but helped train me and now Wanda, went on a mission with us. Thor and I had thought that over time he would become more an integral member of the team. It's what we hoped. All in all, we had no idea how everyone else would react to him leaving.
So I decided to just rip the band aid off.
"Loki has been given permission from Odin to return to Asgard." There was a natural lull in conversation, and I just blurted it out, not knowing what else to do. As we had called the meeting, people knew we would have something to share. But I don't think anyone expected this. I think they assumed it was something to do with me, with everything that had happened over the past two weeks. Shock settled across most people's faces, although Barton's resembled anger more than anything else. Soon anger seemed to take over Tony as well, which was to be expected. As much as he didn't want Loki here, he also took comfort in knowing he could keep an eye on him. Loki moving back to Asgard meant that he was out of his sight, and therefore would become a threat again. Regardless of Loki's intentions and ability to make his own decisions in 2012, Tony would always assume the worst.
"When?" Tony managed to get out somewhat civilly, although the bite of his anger lingered in his tone.
"He is to return at the end of the month, if he wishes." Thor answered. No one seemed to know what to say, least of all me. I was barely managing to maintain my emotionlessness. I craved the emptiness now. It seemed much more manageable than the weight of the sadness I was beginning to feel. Things kept happening around me now as the meeting continued. Tony was uncharacteristically quiet in his anger, but Barton was vocal enough for the both of them.
Before I knew it the meeting was over, and everyone was filtering out of the room. Soon only Thor, Loki, Tony, and I were left. Tony looked up at me, annoyance clear on his face but clearly trying to accept defeat. Realistically no one here wanted to go against the wishes of Odin, and I knew everyone felt more comfortable forgetting that Asgard even existed. Every time Thor was called away no one would ever try to argue with the will of Odin, even if they wanted him to stay.
"You trust that he's changed?"
"Yes, I do. I think you know that he has." I replied with little hesitation.
"Stark, you have my word that he will not fall back to his old ways. I will keep watch of him on Asgard." That was a surprise to me, and I turned to look at Thor now. Too many emotions washed over me, and I couldn't bare losing one of my closest friends on top of losing Loki.
"You won't be coming back?" I whispered, ignoring the way Loki looked to me. He looked just as hurt as I felt, but I couldn't care anymore. It was just too much to lose both of them.
"I need to attend to business on Asgard, and Odin would likely require me to stay with Loki." I just nodded in response, biting my cheek to stop the tears once more. By the time Thor had assured Tony I'd managed to calm down slightly. I'd successfully swallowed my feelings, although I was craving more drastic measures once again. Still, I managed to ignore that successfully enough, hoping that I could hold on for now.
Thor and Tony were deep in discussion as they left ahead of us. I didn't pay much attention to their conversation, instead I just focussed on feeling nothing. It was far more comfortable that way. Loki walked beside me, his mask fully on, still refusing to show any emotion around the rest of the team. I flashed a small smile at him, and his lips tightened slightly. Something was clearly pissing him off, but with everyone gathering in the kitchen and lounge for lunch I wasn't able to ask him. Not if I wanted him to give me the truthful answer. Unsure of what to do, but knowing I wanted to understand exactly what was bothering, I headed towards the elevator around the corner. Once we were out of sight of the others his hand touched my lower back. Knowing we were safe, I took the opportunity to lean into him slightly. I turned quickly and planted a small kiss on his cheek. The widest grin he gave me was the only warning, as the elevator dinged he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side. He led me around the corner, away from the elevator in the opposite direction of the longue. We stopped near to the fire exit stairwell that was only ever used by Steve who tended to avoid elevators. Before we went through the door to the stairwell as I expected, I was pushed up against the wall and his hand was pushed in front of my mouth to silence my surprised shrieks. His body pressed into mine, keeping me pinned against the wall, and he slipped a leg between mine so I couldn't press them together. The surprise instantly turned into intrigue.
He raised his knee, slipping it up my thigh as he moved his lips to my ear. His teeth grazed my earlobe before he whispered,
"I was awfully selfish last night, pet. I think I should rectify that." I let my head rest against the wall which is when I became acutely aware of the noise coming from the kitchen and lounge. People were making lunch and chatting about the meeting around two corners from us. We were hidden away from the elevator, and hardly anyone ever used this hallway, but it was still nerve racking. He moved his hand from my mouth and towards the side of my neck, his thumb idly grazing over the front of my neck. I swallowed, becoming aware of how loud every movement I made was to me.
"Loki..." I whispered. I told myself I should stop it, to warn him off or to move this elsewhere. But the way his knee separated mine and how the thumb stroked my neck made me want to forget about anything else. And last night was amazing, however I couldn't ignore how badly my body craved his touch at that moment.
"Tell me you don't want it and I will stop. Or if you want me to take us to my room I can do so. But–" He moved his hand slowly from my neck and down my chest, softly running his fingertips across my breast and nipple before continuing downwards. I let out a shaky breath as he paused at the waist of my trousers, slipping a finger slightly under the elastic waist. "I remember a specific fantasy of yours. So let go, darling. I won't let anyone see us, I promise."
He paused as I thought my answer over, the hand on my chest now hovering slightly and the other hand resting in the waist of my trousers. It didn't take me very long to nod. I trusted he would keep watch of the area around us, because it wouldn't be in his best interest to get caught, but also because I did believe he cared enough about me to do so. More than that, I was quickly not caring about being caught with him. We had so little time left, and I was craving his touch so badly at that moment. He smiled down at me, tilting his head so his lips hovered against mine but not closing the gap between them. When I moved to meet them he retreated back slightly causing me to frown, which in turn made him laugh. "Use your words." He whispered. If I weren't so turned on I would have rolled my eyes at him, but there was something undeniably sexy about this moment.
"Please touch me, Sir." It had been an awfully long time since I last called him that, and it had the desired effect. There was a quiet groan just before his lips met mine and I lost myself in his aggression. I felt his seiðr warm my skin just before he groped my breast above the fabric. As soon as he moved his thumb I realised he had removed my bra, the soft fabric moved over my nipple causing a ripple of pleasure. I arched my back slightly into his body just as he slipped his hand further down and into the waist of my underwear with ease.
He paused for a moment and in my frustration I moved my hips against him. As I did, it caused his fingers to brush against my clit and I practically melted in his arms. He broke the kiss with a whispered laugh before putting more pressure down with his finger and stroking in small circles. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my head in his neck, allowing myself to be lost in the pleasure. I felt myself building fast as all the worries and cares I had faded away. All I cared about now was the pleasure he gave me. He never stopped or pressed any harder than I needed him to. Occasionally he would quicken, and I could tell I was getting closer and closer to an orgasm. Unfortunately, I'd completely forgotten that I needed to be quiet. Just as I was about to moan, probably too loudly, his hand covered my mouth snapping me out of it.
"Careful." He warned with a smile, I'd been seconds away from exposing us. Afterwards, I put all of my focus into not making noise, whimpering slightly as I struggled not to call out. I'd gotten so used to making as much noise as I wanted to, that I'd forgotten what it was like to try to remain quiet. Eventually, I buried my head into his neck, biting down on his skin instead of crying out in pleasure. It wasn't long after that I came, Loki wincing slightly as I bit down on his neck to muffle my moan. I placed my hands on his shoulders and used his body to support myself as he pulled his hand out from my trousers.
I watched breathlessly as he smiled at me just before placing his finger in his mouth and sucking. I don't think I would ever get used to that, and how insanely erotic it felt. I had barely caught my breath when Loki laughed lightly as he disappeared from in front of me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes with a smile as I remembered the first time he touched me in the library before disappearing too. But then the door next to me swung open and to my surprise Steve came through. I jumped at the sound, taking the time to smooth over my shirt to ensure nothing looked untoward.
"Oh, Kaya! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Steve sounded panicked slightly as his hands came to my arms to help steady me.
"Oh, nothing! I was just taking a breather and I didn't think anyone would come through the doors, sorry. I thought you were in the kitchen." I tried to ignore just how breathless I sounded as I forced myself to stay calm.
"Someone needed my help with the training outside. Are you sure you are okay?" I dread to think how red my face was. Worried about how much he saw, I broke my rule and pushed my way into his mind. All it showed was that he was concerned I'd had another panic attack. At least he hadn't seen Loki, or thought anything else was happening. Using that to my advantage, I let Steve worry. It didn't make me feel comfortable, but it wasn't like I could tell him the truth. After a while, he made me go to the kitchen with him, making sure I stayed near him, so he knew I ate something. Unable to do anything else, I just ate in silence, my thoughts back to moments ago as I longed to be somewhere else with someone else.