Aniruddh sat waiting in the doctor's cabin biting his nails, his leg felt like it had a spasm, it didn't stop ticking.
What was taking so long ?
Bondita had finally agreed to visit the hospital. She had asked him to take her immediately. No changing saree, not even going back to her room for rest after her fall. No. She was afraid her courage will disappear if she waited. Aniruddh had run to the kitchen to fill a plate with food while Koyeli made Bondita sit on the sofa in drawing room. Bondita was visibly nervous. Aniruddh wanted her to eat something before they headed out. Atleast she didn't resist that.
They were in the hospital of the medical college in Devipur. Aniruddh had asked Koyeli to accompany them in case Bondita needed some assistance. The curtain of the examination room parted reveling Bondita held by Koyeli who made her sit on the chair to the right of Aniruddh and went out of the room to let the couple have a private session with the doctor. Bondita was playing with her fingers on her lap nervously avoiding his gaze, avoiding everything that she was surrounded with right now.
" Doctor...?" His left hand on the table and right hand grabbing the handle of the chair, Aniruddh spoke. He wanted to hold her hand as he was scared, but had decided to let it be just the handle.
" Well...I asked her a few questions. She is not answering. I think she was not as ready for the visit as she thought. " The Doctor started. He was a known of Aniruddh and wanted the news to not take a toll on him.
" Mr Roy Chowdhury, your wife is pregnant."
Aniruddh heard a gasp from the next chair. He didn't have the courage to look at her.
Or to move...
Or to breath...
No congratulations Mr Roy Chowdhury... Just a single lined news. The doctor very well knew his friend was not going to be happy.
The silence was carnivorous... He heard her breaths getting deeper, rapid. He felt his stop altogether.
" What...?" He was not sure the doctor heard him.
" Your wife is pregnant...and by the history given by your helper it has been roughly a month maybe less. Right Mrs Roy Chowdhury ?" He kindly addressed Bondita who still was not looking up. It was important that she communicated.
No...no..no.no...Durga maa...!
NO...!!!
Turn to her Aniruddh... Look at her. He had to command himself. He already knew by the way she was sick, weak, by the questions she asked Koyeli that she was pregnant but he still was holding on to hope. But that just meant she was seriously ill if not with a child. But he still hoped it was not a baby. Prayed it was not a baby.
All hopes and all prayers...
Gone...
He turned to Bondita who had not moved a bit since the news was cracked.
" Bon..." He was unable to speak. Unable to face her. " Bon...di...ta..." He turned to her tilting to her in his chair.
" If yo...you...need...t...to..." Be brave Aniruddh. Be brave. He could not break in front of her. Not now. She needed him to be strong so he could hold her if she falls. She needed to talk, tell the doctor what ailed her. But she looked lost. Aniruddh was feeling helpless.
But there was no one...
No one to help them now...
No one...
" You...you need to t..talk Bon..."
" Take me home" Just one clear sentence. No quiver, no confusion.
" But... Bondita..."
" Take me home..." She repeated.
Aniruddh didn't know what to do, what to say.
" Can I talk to you Mr Roy Chowdhury ?" The doctor asked.
" I will go wait outside with Koyeli " Without waiting for either of their words she got up and left. Leaving Aniruddh as if glued to the chair. He didn't trust his legs to support him right now.
" Aniruddh..." It was not the doctor but his friend. " Are you ok...?"
" I..." Aniruddh tried sitting straight in his chair but was lost. Lost enough to not understand the answer he wanted to give. Was he ok...? Was he ok...?
" I...am not..I am...not " He could not cry. He should not.
They had met many a times at the club Aniruddh frequented. Though not very great of friends, they did belong to the same circle of highly educated men of neighbouring villages with somewhat similar level of understanding.
" I know it is private but don't mind me asking... I know how against you are to this... always have been." He had always been impressed with Aniruddh and everything he did. " What happened...?"
Only if he could tell... Can he even tell an outsider how his family had cheated them both. The Roy Chowdhury family. All respect and name they had all earned in so many years...gone because of his Kaka and Thakuma. He felt ashamed to be related to him for the first time.
How could he tell that his own family made him...made him do all this...
Or wait... should he...?
Somnath's words came back to him.
Drugs... effects...
"I...want to share something... something about all this..." He moved to sit on the edge of the chair. He had no energy left. His words were unclear as was his focus.
Concentrate Aniruddh.
Trying hard to focus on the face opposite him, he started. " We...we were both... drugged..."
" Drugged...??! Aniruddh...!"
" That is not... important. She is... Is there...any...any chance it might have...harmed her...?"
" What drug are we talking about ?"
" Drug...herb...I don't know... I assume...it was..it was different for both of us...its effects were different. We both don't remember... what happened. But she does remember very...very few things." Aniruddh was back to the question pestering him " is it harmful for her ?" He had finally focused on his face. " Did it...can it harm her ?"
" Possible. But not quite sure. If she had a memory loss, it could have been narcotic in nature or sleep inducing or even hallucinatory by what you say. Possibilities are endless and unknown."
Aniruddh was losing capacity to breath with each word.
" What should...we do...? "
" What we need to do right now is to find out what problem she has. The drug, if harmful, might have shown it's effect by now. But..."
" But...?"
" I will be honest with you. She is not fine my friend. She looks weak, dehydrated and anemic. And not to pinch you further, but she looks disturbed. From what I judge, she is not happy with the news." It was the first time a young girl had received the news and had been upset. Atleast their husbands celebrated. But this couple right here, they were different.
" She is not. She is scared..."
" And it is affecting her health. Aniruddh...things can go so easily wrong when so many factors are involved. I don't want to sugat coat it. "
Aniruddh shook his head in understanding.
" And she is too young. Too young with too much pressure. It is not good. The stress, the depression. It is really hard to point out the cause but the result is her poor health."
Poor health...his Bondita was not healthy...
" Aniruddh... Talk to her. Let her tell you what she is experiencing. And do ask her if she is bleeding. She answered none of my questions. The lady you sent with her told me that she said she had periods twice in a week's gap. We know now that is not possible.It could be some other blood. And something about cramps too. You need to get her to talk about it."
" I...I .. will..."
Aniruddh got up. " Thank...you..."
He made his way out removing the green curtain from his way.
Blood...
Bondita had been feeling suffocated in the cabin. She stepped out of there. Not better. She walked across the corridor with quick steps, Koyeli following. She needed air. She was out of the building and in the clearing where their car was parked.
Holding on to the window sill of the passenger seat adjecent to the driver's, she closed her eyes and glupped in air. Several times.
" Bahu raniji...? Are you ok...?"
" No..." But only air came out. " No..." Nothing again...
"NOOOO...!!!!" She finally managed. She broke down, heavy sobs rattling her body, heavy tears too much for her eyes to hold. " I am not... I AM NOT...!"
Her whole wait on the car door, head looming over the seat. As if crying for a hug.
Anyone...just anyone...
Someone hold her...
Someone...hold her and tell her it was ok...
But she didn't know now if even that could make her calm down.
Her tears falling on the seat, she was falling in darkness...
Blood...
But that was not possible... She was pregnant. Then...? What blood...? Aniruddh was shook with this new information. And cramps. No... It was pain. And she went through all this and didn't tell him. He remembered how she once brought the whole spice box to him because it was making her sneeze.
And now...
He had been standing in the corridor for a while. A sound from another patient brought him back.
Where was she...?
Koyeli was probably with her.
He ran to his motor car as he saw it from a distance from the open side of the corridor. The campus was yet developing and so the parking was near.
" Bondita...!" He came to stop beside her, catching his breath. But he did notice her wipping her tears with her pallu.
" Are you..." He started.
" Koyeli...ge...get in the motor car..." And opened the door to the passenger's seat for herself and settled in without so much as a glance towards Aniruddh.
He was not complaining.
The ride home was silent. Eerie. Dark.
Not one word...
Not one sniff...
It was hard to tell if any one of them was even breathing...
Pregnant...
It was finally confirmed...
Bondita...was pregnant.
Bondita was pregnant at the age of fifteen at the expense of a dirty plot by her own Thakuma. At the expense of trust, health, future...and her Pati Babu...
Aniruddh stepped into the haveli with Bondita closely behind him. It looked as if they came from a mourning.
She looked lifeless. She felt lifeless. Everything looked bleak. She didn't even know where she was walking and just stopped herself from colliding with her Pati Babu's back. She traced where he was looking at to find Kaka sasurji standing at the middle of the drawing room, the mandir in his background.
Trilochan had not sat down for a second since Aniruddh left for the hospital with Bondita. What if she was not pregnant ? He had wanted to run to the door when he heard the sound of the motor car but stopped as he knew it would not agree with Aniruddh. He needed to mask his excitement. He looked at their gloomy faces. He for sure knew this was not a good news to them if she was expecting but he needed to confirm. He looked at Koyeli , he knew Aniruddh was watching him, and asked her in a gesture while nudging his head to which she slightly nodded.
What...?!! The smile came on his lips was the widest Aniruddh had ever seen, in atleast past few days.
" Aniruddh...!!! Really...?!!? Is...is that true...!!! Our...our Bahu is... Oh Durga maa...!!!" He turned to the mandir with hands joined, head bowed. " You heard my prayers...!!!"
He turned back to Aniruddh, not noticing his clenched fists.
" Aniruddh...!!! You will be a Baba...! It is a little late for you. But...but it finally is happening...!!!"
Aniruddh had his jaws clenched, fists tight. He didn't want to disrespect his Kaka, even in his mind, it was against his values but his Kaka was making it so damn difficult. Didn't his expression, her condition tell him anything ? Or was he just ignoring the gloom looming over them.
He turned his head to his right to glance at Bondita just a step behind him. Her eyes as if borring a hole in the ground.
She was getting uncomfortable, panicked maybe. His Kaka needed to stop. He turned to face his Kaka when he saw him looking at Bondita with a teeth baring grin.
" Bahu...!"
No.
" Bahu... come take ashirwad from Durga maa..."
Bondita didn't move. Aniruddh caught a single tear roll down her left cheek.
No.
The moment Kaka took a step forward Aniruddh turned, threw his right hand across her shoulder as his left hand circled her lower back pushing her body to his, engulfing her in a hug shielding her from his Kaka, something he never imagined he would ever need to do.
" NO !!!"
Aniruddh yelled moving his hand from her shoulder to her head, making her come closer to him. As if trying to prevent her from disappearing. He felt a few tears seep his shirt as Bondita pressed her cheek to his chest.
Silent tears...
How many more...?
" Ani..."
" I.SAID.NOOO...!"
Bondita had been so lost in the whole situation that the mere touch of her Pati Babu as if had brought her back to life. Kaka sasurji was happy. But his happiness, his smile as if were turning her will, her resolve to dust. Did he even know how she felt ? How miserable this made her Pati Babu ? And somewhere the guilt, guilt of not being happy at a news which is usually celebrated with all the blessings and good wishes there are to throw. So much going on in such young mind... She was feeling suffocated. Her Kaka had been her companion...in teachings and mischiefs alike. The one who had once supported even her madness was now standing poles apart from her. Happy when she was breaking inside. The fact that he did not even acknowledge her pain hurt her.
And that was when her Pati Babu threw his arms around her.
His arms, her sanctuary.
It was the first time he had touched her since he came to know the truth. How she craved it.
No. Not the butterflies his touch usually gave him but the solace.
The calm she found in her Pati Babu's arms whenever she found herself in the middle of a storm.
This was what she had been craving, she realised. She had hugged her didi, Koyeli... even a pillow and a car door for that matter. Something to hold on to... someone to hold her.
But, in this moment she realised, it was her Pati Babu she needed.
His " no" made her flinch and dig her face further into his chest, holding to his coat lapels, hidding her face from the outside world, hidding in him.
She could forget everything as long as she was there...in his arms.
As long as she had his hand on her head...
" She is NOT YOUR BAHU...!!! You have made it pretty clear you don't deserve to call her that..."
Kaka had felt a little ashamed to be looking at his beta and bahu standing so intematelly but he couldn't help but stare at him wide eyed as the words left Aniruddh's mouth. " What are you saying Aniruddh...?"
Sampoorna followed by Bihari had come too on hearing loud voices.
" She is my Bahu...!"
" She is my wife...and there ends her ties. She is nothing to you...!!!"
All this fighting was paining her soft heart. Two people she loved and respected and cherished, fighting over her. She knew what they both ment to each other which made this all even more painful. They had had fights before but none had been damaging like this.
Aniruddh felt Bondita press her self closer to him at the words thrown to his Kaka, her rapid breath breaking in through his shirt to warm his chest, her little hands balling his coat, pulling his neck slightly due to the pressure on the lapels. It was upsetting her. It was not good for her, she didn't need to hear this or be in the middle of this.
" Koyeli...!!!" He called rather loudly making Bondita flinch against him. " Take her to her room." A sniff from Bondita added to the urgency " NOW...!"
He could hear her breaths getting louder.
" Bondita...!" He whispered only for her to hear as he bent his neck. She was so short, coming just upto his lower chest that he even had to bend his shoulders slightly to reach her right ear. " Bondita please..." He said caressing her head as he felt her head nod in a no. " You... should go rest..." Her grip was getting tighter as was her fear...fear of the distance he was asking for. He knew she didn't want just his physical presence. " I promise...I will be there soon...ok..." He whispered in her ear as if talking to a baby...she was his baby... So little, so tiny, so fragile... " Your Birristira Babu will be there in no time...hummm...? Bondita...?"
She responded with slightly nodding her head in a yes but still not letting go of her hold on him. He saw Koyeli approch her, not looking at them, and waiting. He, as tenderly as he could, held her hands and tried to pry them off. This time she didn't resist much. He felt the cold air hit him as she stepped back. He didn't like letting her go. He immediately wanted her back in her place, his arms.
Bondita was feeling light headed. She let Koyeli hold her and take her to her room. She swayed as she moved past her Pati Babu, sensing him stepping towards her in urgency but she managed to stand still and finally walked away from the scene.
" Aniruddh. What you did was not right."
" What ? Hugging my wife...?!! I thought that was what you wanted me to do all the time and more...!!!"
" I am not talking about it and you know that...!!!"
Yes Aniruddh knew but he just was incapable of giving a straight answer to his Kaka today.
" Why are you acting like the world has ended...?!! She is pregnant...! We should celebrate...!"
Sampoorna was shocked. Yes she knew what had happened but still...how likely was it that you got pregnant on the first time ? Well, she knew it was possible. But now ? The least possibility of that happening, Bondita getting pregnant...and it had to happen now...? When she herself was pregnant.
" IT IS NOTHING TO BE CELEBRATED KAKA...!!!"
" But it is your baby Aniruddh...!!!"
" NO...!" Aniruddh flung his hand emphasizing his anger making a metal vase clank to the floor by the action. " ITS...ITS JUST..." Aniruddh felt frustrated, torn up from inside. " Stay...stay away from her..." He said pointing his finger to make a point, anger dripping from his eyes. " You have made it pretty clear that she just is good enough to birth babies. Fine." He took few steps back. " FINE...!!! I will take care of her. ME...! And when she gives..." He couldn't say it. It was too much. " When the time comes, keep the baby. That is what you want right ? A child. You can keep it."
Aniruddh knew he didn't mean what he just said. But he wanted to hurt his Kaka so bad. It was a choice between using words that disrespected him or words that hurt him. And he was not proud of it but he did want to hurt him.
" Keep that...that...with you but stay away from us. Stay away from her...!!! You...you are the reason she is...is suffering..."
" No...no Aniruddh..." His Kaka had tears in his eyes.
Good...!
" YES...!!!" He shot back. " YOU...! You are the reason she is not eating, sleeping, laughing... You...you are getting what you wanted at the expense of her happiness. Something...the only thing I ever wanted her to have. Happiness..." Aniruddh could not help the quiver in his voice.
" You say what you want to me but...stay away from her."
With this Aniruddh stormed away leaving behind his weeping Kaka. This was not what he imagined the effect of the news to be. Not one smile. Not one...one blessing. He sat on the sofa with a thud. He was sure that Aniruddh would feel something positive if the news was confirmed. Was he wrong...? He knew Aniruddh would be displeased in initial days but...but it felt like Aniruddh hated it. Hated the baby ?
No...
His Aniruddh was incapable of hate. He could not...his own child...? No. He would come around. He would be happy. He was just angry. He needed time...
They all did...