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I'd already mapped out what I was going to do everyday for the rest of my time here.
1. Spend more time with the boys.
2. Get to know the pack members more.
3. Get to know Sherri.
4. Start building a food inventory for when I need to leave.
5. Know Caleb a little more.
My time here was limited. I could already tell we were going to stay longer than our promised two weeks and I knew me staying in one place was getting more dangerous for not just myself, but everyone around me. I couldn't endanger innocents over a battle that was mine.
Knowing that the boys had settled here made it easier to think of leaving. Knowing Johnny had found his other half and could grow old with pups in a steady home. Knowing Tyler had finally found rhythm in stability. Knowing Lance could at least sleep at night without worrying about his family being ambushed once again. Knowing Jordan has a safe place to shift when the time comes and that he could grow up in such a great environment. I could leave peacefully knowing they could build a life here. A good one.
I could even leave peacefully knowing my mate didn't want me.
All odds of me and Caleb's relationship were pointing South. I wasn't pursuing him, he wasn't pursuing me. We had a silent mutual agreement that it'd be better off if we rejected each other without having to say it out loud. It hurt, yes. But it was better than the alternative.
I was sure of it. I cast all doubt I had as just a false sense of hope. If he wanted me, he'd be here right now.
I just didn't expect him to actually be standing here before my eyes.
Adorned in a hoodie and a pair of comfortable sweatpants, he still looked as tempting as ever. It was unfair how attractive he was in such simple clothing. His hoodie hugged around his muscled arms deliciously, not to mention the gray sweatpants. I could feel the blush arise on my cheeks before I could stop it.
I rose from the comfort of the rocking chair, clearing my throat as I made my way towards him. I stopped just a few feet away, needing the distance to keep from giving into temptation.
"Alpha." I greeted respectfully, my nervous hands tangling themselves behind me as I tried to keep myself from openly staring at him.
"Gray." He nodded back in acknowledgment, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed.
Stupidly attractive. Stupidly.
"I want to-"He cut himself off, as if struggling to say the words. "I want to apologize for my lack of presence the past week." His deep voice filled the space around me, numbing out my common sense.
I gulped. "It's okay."
I cursed myself for acting so fidgety, trying to get a grip.
"I realize that we didn't get off on the right foot." He began, clenching his jaw. "I was hurt that you ran from me. I dealt with that by trying to make you feel what I had felt every day for those 6 months. I realize I have been foolish and that my actions were childish."
Since I'd met him he'd always had a calm, steady aura to him. Every move he made was with confidence and steadiness, as if he felt no doubt or hesitance. His demeanor was always strong, the exact one of an Alpha.
But here he was, standing before me with words of honesty and honor. Though steady, he was also being raw and vulnerable.
"I apologize for acting like a fool." He owned, peering down at me with eyes that were calm, but true.
His analyzing gaze met my own, the feeling lighting my skin afire and melting the resistance I thought I held so high. I could practically feel the alluring warmth radiating from his body, contrasting perfectly against the coldness of the night air. It only made the temptation to close the distance that much harder to bare.
"I forgive you." I replied breathlessly.
The tension on his face faded at my words, rigid demeanor melting away. A few minutes passed of us just being with each other, the moment seemingly ending but neither of us really wanting it to.
"I would like to show you that I can be a proper mate." He broke the silence. "Will you allow me?"
"I-"
So close. I was so close to giving in.
So close to saying yes and forgetting about all the heavy burdens I have to deal with beyond the pack's borders. So close to forgetting everything my Mom told me. So close to sacrificing everyone's happiness for my own. So close to getting to know what love would have felt like with my mate. So close to giving in and staying.
So close to leading my mate to his destruction.
"I-I can't."
His eyes didn't waver, but I could feel that my words had hit the both of us harder than we were revealing. A searing pain tore through my chest, one I could feel wasn't just mine.
I turned around swiftly, holding my chest with tears brimming eyes realizing what I had to do. I thought I had more time, or that I wouldn't even have had to do it at all. That maybe I could just up and leave since he didn't want me anyway. Maybe I could break this without consequence. But this was the time. I had to do it now.
I had to save him now.
Tears fell down my cheeks, one after another as I held in my sobs. Everything hurt, the pain so encapsulating I felt like I was going to suffocate.
His hands were suddenly on me, turning me around so I'd have to face him. I tried to push him away as his hands reached up to hold my face. He held me delicately, as if I was the most precious thing to him and that he was scared of breaking me. He held me in a way that made me want to fall into him completely.
"I can feel that you want me too. You want this. Why are you resisting it?" He asked desperately, the wall in his eyes breaking as he looked at me as if he knew everything I'd kept to myself for so long. I shook my head rapidly, his touch on my skin quickly driving me to the brink of insanity as I fought to get away, trying to hold onto my self-control as hard as I could. "If you don't want me then reject me. Right now. Do it."
He was finally able to hold my face still, my eyes turning to look up at his in shock at his demand. He took advantage of my slight pause, bringing our bodies closer together. I let out a sob, the pain in my chest intensifying as I thought of the words I knew I'd soon have to say out loud.
"Say it." He demanded, unwavering eyes boring into mine as he read me like an open book. Suddenly there were no walls between us, there were no masks, no pretending, no lies. I couldn't hide with him. He saw everything.
This was the moment. The moment my Mom had built up for me since I was born. The moment she trained me every day for.
Do you want him to end up like your father? Because he will. And that'll be because of you also.
"I-I-" I tried to choke out the words, the pain in my chest unbearable as I resisted the bond. The words were caught in my throat, replaying tauntingly in my head but unable to be said out loud.
My mate finally released me from his hold, allowing my trembling body to finally stand on its own. The look on his face gave it all away. He knew I couldn't do it. He knew I desperately wanted him. His heart was just as broken as mine but his eyes were all telling.
He knew I was lying.
"Say it." He attempted once more. But I had already lost. I couldn't do it. He knew that.
"I-I-"
I looked back up into his chocolate brown eyes, unable to say what I practiced on saying since I was a kid.
"I can't."
"I can't."
"Again."
The young girl sighed as she turned back to the mirror, her dark hair flipping over her shoulder as she stared at herself in the reflection.
"I, Angel Grace Woods, reject you _____ as my mate."
"Good." The cold woman spoke. "You need to remember our objective here, Gracie. Give me the 4 reasons. Now."
"1. It's for the good of humanity and I cannot be selfish and neglect my fate. 2. I pay for the debts my blood owes. It's what family does. It's my duty.
3. I have a gift far bigger than common knowledge can understand.
4. I must spare my mate's life or I will be the reason for his demise. Just like father." The young girl recited perfectly.
"Good." The older woman nodded. "You're dismissed, Gracie."
"Thank you, mother." The young girl nodded in respect before rushing off to her room, where she buried her head into her pillow and sobbed.
As a 10-year-old girl, I had heard plenty of things about mates. Most stories were positive, the only negative ones I heard were from my Mom.
Dreaming of finding my mate seemed to be the only thing that made me want to get up in the morning. I got up quickly every sunrise in hopes the day would pass in the blink of an eye so I could go back to sleep and go back to dreaming of finding my mate and living happily ever after with whoever it would've been.
But every day my Mom would make me say those same words in the mirror and recite the 4 reasons until she felt like I was saying them with enough rigor.
Every day I lost hope of ever having a chance with my mate. Every day I dreamt more of who they were and would wake up and write my mate off as just that. A dream. They'd be nothing more.
Every day I woke up imagining the rest of my life and how it would be without my mate.
Gracie. The mateless hopeless romantic.
And that's when I changed my nickname to Gray. Because I didn't feel like Gracie. Gracie was the young girl with the big eyes and hopes and dreams of one day finding her beloved.
But the reality of Gray's world was just that. Gray.
And it always would be without her mate.