A/N: Reader x whatever interviewer,
I don't know how but I managed to gain some energy
Btw there will be some stand-up comedy and they will be based either on true stories or random thoughts that I have either done or thought off. So, yeah. Enjoy!
Also I will make a few dead mum jokes but I love my mum, glad she's alive, sucks she won't be throughout my whole life... but let's just hope I marry young before the alcohol does.
ANYWAY!
LET'S GO!
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(Interview, Jimmy Kimmel)
"Okay, are we ready?"
"No." Y/n answered truthfully as she was staring off into the distance.
"What?" Jimmy asked chuckling as he turned to Y/n. Y/n turned his head,
"Wait, what're we even doing?" She chuckled out as she slowly dragged her eyes back to Jimmy.
"I will say a word, and then you tell me the first word that comes to your mind."
"Oh, I got this." Y/n said sitting up, Jimmy laughed which made Y/n smile widely.
"Okay, 3. 2. 1. Rock."
"Penis."
"Wha—?" He laughed, "Okay, Disease."
"Penis."
"Broke."
"Dead." Jimmy opened his mouth and quickly shut it, letting out a small nod.
"Rapper."
"Words."
"Writer."
"Poet."
"Mother."
"Dead."
"Father?"
"Dead."
"Wha—?" Jimmy laughed as the time ran out. "What is your obsession with 'dead' and 'penis'."
"Well their both traumatising things. So, yeah." Y/n chuckled out which Jimmy laughed out.
****
(Stand-up)
"So, I'll start off with something funny, when I was younger... since I'm a women... I don't— I don't have a penis, alright? Shocker. I know." She started making the audience laugh, "So, when I was younger, I asked my mum: 'Mum, why do men have a penis and girls don't? Like why-why do they get all the fun?' and you wanna know what he said to me?" She asked, hearing a murmur of 'why'. "''Cause it's something that men are born with, sweetheart.' SWEETHEART? Hun, you died. Shut your eyes and go. Let the alcohol take you away and move on." Y/n expressed pointing off to the side making the audience laugh, "Also! When I was younger, whenever I went for a bath, I put the bubbles on my face so it was like I had my own personalised beard. You wanna know what it tastes like? It tastes weird. So, don't try it. Anyway..." The audience laughs which makes her chuckle. "anyway, yeah, I'd personalise my own beard and whenever I went to the mirror, when I was done taking my bath, I'd shave— I'm being so serious by the way — I'd shave it..." She laughed, "I'd shave it with a toothbrush that no one used." She laughed out making the audience laugh.
*****
(Interview, Jimmy Fallon)
"So, I've noticed a lot that... you get called really weird nicknames." Jimmy chuckled out.
"Yeah! I do! It's honestly weird."
"Can we know... some?" He asked.
"Yeah, 'course. Uhm... 'The girl' and whenever I hear that I'm like uh—" She paused and looked at the camera, "at least suck my dick first." She stated making everyone laugh, a smile forming on her face. "I've also been called 'Big dicker', 'Lil lady-kill-kill', 'RIP that pus with a side of bacon', uh, 'The man', 'Smoker', 'Hipster', 'Dickie'. Those are the ones, I remember but I know there are like ton more, but more sensible, like 'Papi Jo' when I wear my glasses or I'm high but then it's 'Sheriff Papi Jo' when I wear my Sheriff's hat, so..." everyone laughs, "it's crazy but I like it. I've been called a lot of things in my life. Shit like 'The man', you know?" Y/n chuckled out, "It's weird when people call me 'The man'" She said lowering her voice, "because... well I'm not a man! But since I do and dress like one, people would see me next to a girl who could be like... some bartender and they'd be like, 'You're getting the good shit'" She said making everyone laugh.
*****
(Interview, James Corden)
"So..." He chuckles nervously, "so, your quite the comedian, I've heard."
"You've heard? Huh?" Y/n snickered out, James laughed at this and nodded his head.
"Yeah, so, what's like... what's like the most memorable thing that you've done. 'Cause... you've done a lot of memorable things in your life."
"Most memorable thing... uhm, probably witnessing someone almost get run over by a car— no, they did get ran over. Yeah, so, probably that." Y/n stated nodding her head looking unfazed by her words. James just tries not to laugh,
"R-Ran over? Who got ran over?" He asked.
"My sister. When she was like... younger. So, we were out on 'holiday' and when we were crossing the road, we all stopped since there were two cars coming but since she didn't see them; she continued to walk and boom! Two cars hit her." Y/n stated making James just stare her down,
"Are you alright? You seem so— so unfazed by it."
"Dude, I threw up 5 times that night. But one thing I wanna know, right? Is see when you get ran over? Like what do you do? Do you just... lie there and wait for someone to get you or once you finally realise what happened... just get up and move on with your day?" She asked making the audience and James laugh, "It's a genuine question though!" She chuckled out.
"You are honestly hilarious. Anyway, we'll be right back from after the break! This has been Y/n L/n and myself James Corden and we'll be right after the break." James announced.
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A/N: I'm too tired to finish this, I'm sorry y'all. I really tried.