The next morning has me waking more groggy than I have ever felt before. My mouth was full of cotton and my eyes were a struggle to open. I can sense a person next to me. Guess Ryder came back to our bed after all. I'm laying on my side with my back to him and his back to me. Seems even in our sleep we keep our distance
On closer inspection I notice I'm only wearing my bra and underwear. When did I get undress? More importantly I only remember the car ride back to the hotel and then after that everything is blank. What the fuck happened after I got in the car? I didn't think I had that much to drink. Maybe the wine was stronger than I thought. But at least I made it home safe and sound. Not to mention Ryder made it back safely.
Wanting to snuggle against him and start to mend the distance between us I turn over and spoon him from the back, but everything felt wrong. Quickly I sit up and stare down at the person in bed with me. Sure as fuck Ryder isn't next to me Adam is.
I spring so fast from the bed taking the sheet with me I fall to the floor with a loud thud. Suddenly I feel dirty and desperately trying to remember anything from last night to explain why Adam of all people were sleeping next to me. Did I fucking sleep with him? No I would never do something like that to Ryder no matter how mad we were at each other.
"Aubree come back to bed," Adam mumbles in his half awake state.
"No," I say softly and when I get no response louder I say, "no."
Adam sits up on his elbow on the side to stare down at me while I sit on the floor. "Aubree stop being so stubborn."
I clutch the blanket to my near naked body. "I'm not being stubborn. I don't want to lay in bed with you."
He rolls his eyes. "Not at all what you were saying last night," he informs me messing with his hair.
"I don't understand," I tell him shaking my head confused over what he is implying.
He raises his brow. "Don't you remember last night?" There is a touch of hurt to his tone.
All I remember of last night is having a great time till Ryder and I fought. Then Adam came sniffing around and brought me a drink. Wait a second. He wouldn't. No. He couldn't. Could he? He could. I bet Adam fucking drugged me.
"You fucking drugged me," I yell standing from the floor.
Adam stares at me like a grew three head. "Just because you regret fucking me the morning after don't make false allegations. Last night you were throwing yourself at me. At first I tried to be a gentleman and tell you no, but you wouldn't stop. So I gave in." He says this as though all of this is no big deal, but this is a huge deal.
I stare him down not moving a muscle and he meets my gaze head on. "You lie," I tell him holding onto the fact no matter how drunk I may get I would never sleep with him.
"Believe what you want, but we slept together. More than once last night might I add." He rolls over and sits on the other edge of the bed and proceeds to get dress. I do a quick check of my body and discover no sore muscles anywhere. If what he is implying was true wouldn't I feel something. "By the way," he calls out standing and pulling his pants on with his back to me. "You may want to stop and get the morning after pill since we didn't use any protection."
Now I know he is lying Ryder is the only one I've ever not used a condom with. Plus when Adam and I were dating he would always make sure he slipped one on even if he was shit faced. Nothing about what he's claiming make sense. The only uncertainty is the fact I can't remember.
Adam walks to the side I'm on and I slink away from him not wanting him anywhere near me. "Sweetheart don't be like this. I wish you could remember so you could remember how good I made you feel last night." He moves close enough to me to run his hand down the side of my face a shrink away from him.
I see red when he called me the nickname only Ryder can call me. "Don't fucking call me Sweetheart. And if we did sleep together I'm glad I can't remember how shitty it would be."
"Ha so you agree we slept together," he exclaims as though he caught me in a lie.
"What," I ask. "No."
He shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever I know the truth and I'm sure over the next few days you will realize I was telling you the truth." He taps his finger against his chin. "What I don't know is how lover boy is going to handle knowing I touched what was his. Sure he had women hanging all over him, but unlike you he never slept with any of them."
The guilt I was feeling starts to consume me. What if Adam is telling the truth? I did wake up in only my underwear. Maybe my loneliness and worry caused me to do something stupid. No! Aubree stop thinking like that. Adam is trying to make you doubt yourself and your loyalty to Ryder.
Glancing at the clock I realize with the late hour in the day the more likely hood Ryder would be returning soon. I needed to get Adam out of our suite before Ryder returns. This way I can break the news to him about what happened in a more gentle way. Because I would tell him. I would rather wait till we are on a bus and he has nowhere to go so he has to hear me out.
I was so lost in my thoughts of how to get Adam out of here without being noticed and how to break this story to Ryder I didn't even hear the turning of the knob. My heart flew up my throat.
"Aubree," Ryder calls off softly. "Sweetheart I have some explaining to do and much apologizing. I should have come clean way before now." Words are unable to escape when I see Ryder come into the room. "What the fuck," he roars causing the walls to shake when he sees the state of my undress and a shirtless Adam with his fly unzipped.
"I can explain," I say to Ryder walking near him.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" He turns his fire filled eyes on Adam. "And you! You better get the fuck out of my face before I fucking kill you." Adam scurries past a fuming Ryder like the coward he is. Right as Adam hit the door frame Ryder says in a to calm voice. "And one more thing. Call Mr. Gear and tell him you are leaving the tour early. I don't fucking care what excuesse you give hte bastard, but make it happen. Because if you stay either myself or one of my band brothers will kill you."
Adam puffs out his chest. "Are you threatening me?"
"No," Ryder says dead serious. "Simply making you a promise. If you want to take the risk and stay please do. I would love nothing better than beating the shit out of you."
Adam must see something in Ryder's eyes because he's already on the phone speaking to Mr. Gear. Then I'm left alone with Ryder. I've never been afraid of what Ryder might do till this moment because I have never seen him so mad before.
He turns his eyes to me in disgust and instantly I feel more dirty than I already do. "As for you put some fucking clothes on. I can't fucking look at you like this." He storms out of the bedroom and into the sitting room.
I can hear him exchanging words with Dimitri and Skylar. At one point Dimitri raises his voice at Ryder. Then I hear more mumbling through the closed door. Next thing I hear is the main door open and slam followed my silence and utter stillness.
What I really want to do is take a shower and wash Adam's scent from my skin, but I worry what Ryder might do if I make him wait too long. So I throw on an pair of sweatpants and a big lose sweater. Gathering all the courage I can muster I leave the bedroom and head to the sitting room.
Ryder is sitting on the couch leaning forward with his hands in his hair. He hasn't noticed my appearance so I clear my throat. When he glances my way his eyes are blood shot and huge bags are under them, but the worse part is how broken he is.
"Ryder I can explain," I start, but he cuts me off by his cold glare.
"I don't want to hear your fucking excuses. You fucking slept with him Aubree," he yells. More quietly he repeats himself. "You fucking slept with him. Why him of all people," he cries, but when I go to answer him he cut me off yet again. "Better yet don't answer. I'd rather not know." Ryder continues his rambling. "Dimitri believes there is a reasonable explanation for what I walked in on, but he didn't see what I saw. And now I can't un see it. Tell me Aubree was fucking sleeping with him worth losing me?"
No matter how I answer this I'm made to be the bad guy and since he won't listen to me we are stuck at a standstill. Until Ryder is ready to listen to what I have to say instead of assuming he knows what happened I've got nothing. We will continue to go in circles. Me telling him I didn't sleep with Adam and him calling me a liar. This is exactly why I wanted to wait and tell him once we were on the bus.
"You silence speaks louder than your words. Aubree I don't remember you being so quite before. Has Adam tamed you?" Ryder asks while standing from the couch.
"I didn't sleep with him," I repeat. He waves away my words as though they were worth nothing. Tears form and fall from my eyes.
Ryder rolls his eyes. "You can turn the waterworks off they ain't going to work on me."
Taking a deep breath I ask him, "what did you want to tell me when you walked into the room?"
Ryder laughs shaking his head. "In all the fucked up ness I forgot the main reason I was coming to speak with you. If I had known you were having company I would have waited. One thing I can't believe is how you could fuck him in the bed we had only been in hours before."
I ball my fist at my sides. "Ryder stop," I sob no longer able to deal with all the anger he was throwing my way. If only he would look past his pride and anger I would be able to explain how I thought Adam drugged me. Then maybe the two of us would be able to sort out this entire mess. But instead he was lost in his one thoughts and feelings to allow me to talk and help him see the light.
"No I refuse to listen to your lies." He sits back down leaning back on the couch and bouncing his leg up and down. "I can't believe after what I just witnessed I'm going to explain to you the reason behind my behavior. Guess I have more respect for you than you me."
"Ryder that isn't fair," I interrupt him taking a seat on the couch next to him and trying to take his hand, which he refuses. In fact he scoots farther away from me.
"Enough. Not another word," he roars. "Remember the phone call at the bar in New Orleans," he asks. I nod my head in answer afraid if I speak he will stop talking. "Well originally Mr. Gear was reaching out saying how my father has been badgering the label to speak with me and he wanted me to deal with the problem. Mr. Gear pulled some strings so I could talk to him. So I called him. At first the conversation started out pleasant, but when I refused to send him money the conversation took a turn in a different direction." Ryde takes a deep breath to collect his thoughts before continuing.
I could see the tears in his eyes and I was desperate to reach out and offer him what comfort I could. But I also knew he would never accept my comfort after what he walked in on. Even though my gut is telling me I didn't sleep with Adam. Maybe once Ryde calms down I'll be able to talk to him and get him to see what happened from my point of view.
"He threatened you Aubree," he tells me turning his head to the side to stare at me. "You. My dad was always using what he perceived to be a weakness against me. When I was ten he killed my dog in front of me to prove a point. I've always known he was an evil man just wish I had the forethought to stop him and maybe Kelly would still be alive." Ryder shakes his head to clear away his dark memories. "So when he threatened to hurt you the way Kelly was hurt I fucking lost it. I thought throwing myself at other women would make him think you meant nothing to me. You catching that women kissing me played right into my plan."
"Wait if he was using a jail phone all of those conversations should be recorded." I state.
"One would think. But seems the night of our conversation the recording feature was down for maintenance. So then it would be his word against mine."
"Anyways," Ryder says continuing his story. "For awhile my plan was working he was backing down about you. So I thought I would take a risk and try to fix things with you since I could no longer stay away. But I was wrong so very wrong. He called again last night, but this time he didn't only threaten to rape you if I didn't give him the money he was going to kill you. I fucking lost it after that."
"Ryder," I sigh. "You should have told me from the start we could have figured all of this out together and avoided so much unnecessary pain."
He shakes his head. "What done is done. I regret the way I handled everything and probably always will. Hence why I came straight here after I woke up so we could talk and come up with a plan. But then I walked in on..." he tails off. I fill in the rest in my head. He walked in on my practically being naked and a half dressed Adam.
I can better understand his anger now. He had all of this on his mind and then to walk in on your girlfriend with another man would set even the sanest person off. Maybe now he's calmed down enough for us to talk about what he thought he saw. He should understand since I did the same thing to him when I though he kissed the other women.
"But none of that matters now. You fucking slept with Adam. What we could have had is done." Guess he's not ready to listen. Ryder stands and heads to the main door. "I can't stand the sight of you Aubree." He stands at the door with his back to me. "All I can see is you wrapped around him and it makes me sick. Of all the people I thought to hurt me like this I never in a million years thought that person to be you. Unless you're reaching out to me about something related to the band don't. Better yet have Skylar reach out. This is over. Have a great life Ms. Parker."
Ryder opens the door and walks out. The door closes remind me of a door closing on certain parts of your life. This was the door closing on Ryder's an my relationship. There was no coming back from this. He will never listen to me and honestly I'm not a hundred percent sure I didn't sleep with Adam since I can't remember.
I curl up on the couch and the tears fall more like a flood than droplets. My heart breaks. Truly brakes. Is this how someone feels when their entire world falls apart? The one man I ever loved is gone. Never to return. I keep hoping the door will open and Ryder will walk in ready to talk, but I know that to only be a dream never to come true. I was fully alone with my pain and my thoughts.
I didn't expect to write another update. But a cup a coffee and having an itching to write will do that to you. I'm impressed at how quickly I pulled this one out, but then again this chapter has been on my mind for awhile. Did a lot to lead up to it. Such an emotional roller coaster this chapter. I had a few tears spring to my eyes and I know how the story ends. Lovely readers continue to hold out hope for Aubree and Ryder. Now I really need to at least try and go to sleep. Till next time.