"Not Uzui being an ass"
—Authour
"I'm gonna be gone for two full days and I dunno if I'll have wifi so double update ya'll 😩"
—Author-san
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After four months we finished our Recovery Training, and thankfully, at the same time.
Of course, during our breaks we got solo missions, in which I've ended up flirting with one too many demons but that's not the point.
Since I didn't have a mission today, I walked around the estate, bored out of my mind.
I then saw Aoi, also walking around.
"Peekaboo angel— whatcha doin'?" I say, walking beside her on the stone paths.
She seemed slightly surprised by my sudden appearance, but quickly relaxed.
"Nothing." She said, facing forwards. "I finished all my duties so I'm just taking a walk."
"Same." I said. "I'm pretty sure my friends are supposed to return today form their mission, but I dunno..."
I trailed off. "Wanna do something together? Like, a picnic?"
"You're probably gonna have me cook everything." She countered.
I grinned. "True—"
"Guess they're enough." A irritated third voice interrupted.
I turned around, not liking the stranger's attitude. "Sir I am literal perfection the fu—"
There stood a tall bald guy with spots on his paint. Revolutionary eyeliner pog??
Anyways— if I recall correctly, he was the Sound Pillar.
How the fuck do you breathe sound??
Without warning, the pillar took both me and Aoi and slung us over his shoulders.
"WHAT— LET GO!" Aoi exclaimed, squirming in his grip. "SOMEBODY HELP!"
"SIR I HAVE NOT SIGNED UP FOR THIS— YOU'RE NOT EVEN HOT BALDASS LOOKIN—"
He began walking towards the exit, not batting an eye at our protests.
The younger servants walked outside to check on the ruckus, and began crying almost immediately.
"Shrek-san! Aoi-san!" A child cried, pointing a accusing finger at the stranger. "What are you doing to them?!"
"Kanao-san, save them please!" Another one said, pulling Kanao out of the Butterfly Estate's building.
"My god, shut up." The Pillar said, rolling his eyes.
"YOU'LL NEVER GET A WIFE, MANWHORE!" I screeched, punching his back.
"I HAVE THREE—"
"WITH THIS ATTITUDE?! LYING BIT—"
"Kanao-sama!!" Aoi said, reaching towards the girl. "Please help!"
Getting pissed, I decided to freeze the fuck out of the guy.
I placed my right hand on his shoulder and froze it from his left hand all the way down to his waist.
He jolted at the sudden cold, and momentarily released me to crack the ice off his arm.
I jumped out of his grip, landing beside Kanao.
"(Y/N)!" Aoi exclaimed, half relieved.
"Stupid brat..." He muttered, turning around to face me.
"DODGE BOLT!" I yelled, throwing a iceball at him.
He dodged easily. "As if that would—"
"CHARGEE!" The children screamed, jumping the Pillar.
We all latched onto him, demanding him to let go of Aoi. Kanao slightly hesitated, but joined in by pulling at Aoi's hand.
"HEY—" He irked. "DAMN YOU—"
"I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SAME SIZE AS A TWIG YOU BASTARD!" I yelled.
"YEAH!"
"I BET SO TOO!!"
"ITS PROBABLY SMALLER!!"
The younger girls agreed.
"STOP AGREEING WITH HER!" The stranger yelled. "AND AREN'T YOU KIDS FIVE YEARS OLD?!"
"What're you doing to the girls!" Tanjiro said, running to the scene. "Get your hands off them!"
"ITS A KIDNAPPING!" A girl wailed. "SHREK-SAN GOT OUT BUT AOI-SAN'S STILL CAPTURED!"
"Help us!" I yelled, basically sitting on the Pillar's shoulders. "This Misogynistic Lying Baldy is going on a kidnapping spree!"
He turned around as much as he could to face me. "YOU DUMB INHUMAN BRAT!"
"QUOTING DOJA CAT; BITCH IM FUCKING REPTILIAN—"
Tanjiro leapt up to headbutt the stranger, but the guy basically teleported onto a nearby rooftop and evaded the attack.
"You fool." He hissed. "I am the former shinobi, Uzui Tengen-sama. The man who is known as the most flambo—"
"What are you, an iPad kid?!" I yelled, pulling at his jewel-covered headband. "This is literally why aliens won't talk to us! You yell one more time I'm gonna snatch your swords let's see you fight barehanded hoe—"
"Don't interrupt me!" He yelled, using a arm to reach behind his back and grab me by the collar.
I gave him a pissed smirk. "Tough talk for a fella with a small cock."
He shook me around in midair.
"THE FUCK DID YOU SAY—"
"Let go of (HBSK/N)!" Inosuke said, jumping onto the fence beside Uzui. "And the other girl!!"
"Y-y-yeah!!" Zenitsu said, although he was frightened by the idea of fighting a Pillar. He was on the other side of the fence. "That's kidnapping! T-t-t-t-that's illegal! E-even though you're some muscle monster, y-you're a pillar, aren't you?!"
I wheezed, being slightly choked by my clothes. "Muscle monster? I like that one—"
"LISTEN!" Uzui ticked not minding me laughing in his grip. "I NEED A GIRL MEMBER ON THE MISSION SO IM BRINGING THEM ALONG! I DON'T NEED KOCHOU'S PERMISSION! ALTHOUGH THE BUTTERFLY GIRL SEEMS WEAK, ITS BETTER THAN NOTHING!"
"People have their own circumstances, so I would rather you don't talk about someone like that insensitively!" Tanjiro said, getting hums of agreements from the other girls. "So let go of Aoi-san!"
"Oh? And the other girl?" He said, carelessly tossing Aoi towards Tanjiro, who(thankfully) caught her.
Knowing what Tanjiro would say, I answered before he could;
"Tanjiro and the others will prolly go with you to the mission instead of these girls, so I'll come with you." I grumbled, holding onto his arm for support so I don't end up choking, "But that doesn't mean I'll forgive you, asshat."
He seemed to consider the offer, before replying. "Oh, okay. Then I'll have you four come with me."
'🎶 cOme with me and you'll be in in a world of pure imagination— 🎶'
"But don't you dare defy me, punks." He laughed, throwing me over his shoulder once again.
"I have legs for a reason, woman-repellent." I bickered, writhing in his grip. His hand loosened, and I was able to get out and jump away. I started fixing up my clothes, which were wrinkled from his grip.
"Cut it with the names." He scoffed. "I'm your superior."
"Then act like one." I sassily rolled my eyes.
"You—!"
I jumped down, not wanting to hear his reply.
'Shii, that comeback felt like something a 3rd grade would say but it worked I guess???'
"Aaaaaa (Y/N)-cyan are you okay?" Zenitsu sniffed, jumping down to cling onto my haori.
"No." I said, scratching the back of my head. "His face ticks me off, I might punch him without thinking."
"Want me to punch him for you?" Inosuke said, lifting a fist. "I wanna fight a Pillar anyways!"
"Nah don't worry, I'll make sure to get sweet revenge later.... 😈"
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The four of us were walking around on a dirt path, following the Pillar to wherever.
"So?" Imspuke said. "Where are we going, bald geezer?"
"I'm not bald!" Uzui snapped. "I have hair, thank you! It's just jelled back!"
"Just answer the question." Zenitsu said. "I'd like to know where my death will be."
He groaned. "We're going to the most flamboyant place in all of Japan, filled with lust and greed."
'Greed and what— sir we are still borderline minors you know 😃.
Wait how old are we again?'
Tanjiro and Inosuke seemed to be confused, but Zenitsu had a slight realization.
"The 'Red Light District'." Uzui said, turning around with a serious look. "Where the demon lives."
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DAKI MY BELOVED IM
COMING 😍😍👹😈🎶💅⁉️😊🥴✨🤪😊🎶😏😍😍🚶♀️🥰🚶♀️💅
YOU TOO GYUUTARO YOU NEED LOVE 👿❤️❤️🥰🥰