I woke up and turned to see Ava still deeply asleep next to me. I looked up at the ceiling, my face heating up from last night's memories. Was Nick about to kiss me? Did I just ruin the moment like a loser? I was so stupid. I covered my face with the pillow, wanting nothing more but to disappear. Ava would be so disappointed. Maybe I was imagining things. I was drunk, I stumbled maybe he wasn't the one getting closer, maybe I was without realizing it. It didn't matter, I decided I wasn't leaving the room without Ava.
I had to wait an hour before she woke up, clearly hangover. We went down and drank some coffee. Tyler was already plastered on the couch, also recovering from last night's festivities. We were soon joined by the other boys in silence. No one was in the mood to talk. The only one who looked alive was, as expected, our designed driver, Nick.
We eventually got some pizzas and started talking about our Christmas plans. Just then did I realize I only had two weeks left to get everyone a gift.
"I'm spending Christmas with my parents in Greece! Can you imagine? The beaches, the warm water..."
"You realize we're in December and it's cold there, right?" Nick pointed out.
"Shut up!" She threw him a pillow. "I'm still packing a bikini, we never know, I might be blessed by a heatwave or something."
We all shared our plans. Everyone was spending Christmas with family, although, in Nick's case family meant only his grandmother. I felt bad for his father but apparently, he was working that day. I doubted it. Something about his expression when I first met him told me he cared a lot for Nick and was hurt by their stranded relationship.
We decided to get together after Christmas to exchange gifts. We made a rule to not spend more than five dollars which made it hard to find something that matched each one of them. I did it though.
I spent Christmas in my old town. I couldn't sleep throughout the trip. When the car drove by the sign naming the town my heart skipped a bit. I felt as if the air ran out of my lungs, I couldn't breathe for a moment, but the pain from my nails digging through my palms unparalysed me. The tears covered my eyes, and it took me everything not to cry. I had to appear okay with this, it was the least I could do for my parents.
It's been years since we last spent Christmas here. My mother felt that I was doing better, my therapist agreed with her and so she asked me how I would feel about going back for Christmas. She didn't want to force me to do anything, but I could see the hope in her eyes, how much she missed her family and her childhood town, how much she wanted it. So, I didn't think twice and said it was a great idea.
"It's a good way to evaluate how I am doing," I added earnestly. What I didn't tell her was that I also felt guilty about imposing all of the travelings on my grandparents and cousins all the time. It's time I changed things.
Yes, something terrible happened there. And yes, I was still haunted by it, but I was tired of being controlled by it. It was time for me to confront it. To face my guilt instead of hiding miles away.
Instead of going through the fastest and shortest way, my dad made a detour. I was going to ask why we were going a different way, but I remembered that the main road to my grandmother's house also led to the school. Even if they thought I was doing better my parents didn't want to push it.
No one asked how I was doing nor commented on the fact that I was finally back, and I was thankful for it. I am not brave. Coming back didn't mean I was ready to face it all. Instead, we talked about shared memories and fun times, how school was going, how my little cousin won a writing contest, how my uncle was finally getting married. Just your normal family conversations. Just normality, the normality I thought would never feel again in that town.
My friends and I finally managed to get together a few days after New Year's Eve. As Noah drove us to Nick's house, I worried that they might not like the gifts I got them. Once we got there, we sat on the floor and talked about our respective Christmas celebrations.
"Where are my gifts?" Tyler asked, after a while. I noticed how he didn't share anything about his own Christmas.
"Here, you can start with mine," Ava said giving him a soft-wrapped gift. He grinned at her like a child and destroyed the wrapping to unveil a black shirt. He unfolded the shirt in front of him and frown. "Ah ah, very funny Ava. I worked so hard to find you the perfect gift and this is what I get?" I think everyone was surprised by his reaction. Everyone except Ava who was proudly smiling. He turned the front of the shirt to show us the white writing on it saying, "I'm the nicest asshole you'll ever meet", and he starts laughing.
"You admitted I was the nicest guy!" he crossed the floor to hug Ava and place a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Her face scrunched in disgust and she whipped her face. Then, he attacked the next gift. A drinking game from Nick that he assured us we would try that same night.
I gave my gift next – a head massager. "I'm hoping it will help your brain cells develop," I joked as he tried it out.
"It actually feels good. Thanks, angel," he winked at me before hugging me and ruffle my hair. I punched his arm.
He opened Noah's gift next. It was a multi-purpose bottle opener and Tyler looked confused. "I'm starting to see a pattern here... Are you saying I drink too much?" he joked before thanking Noah. Micah took the opportunity to give him his gift: a bottle of Jack. "I guess I'm a drunkard now."
"Not now. You've always been one," Nick poked fun at him and Tyler slapped the nape of his neck.
"Okay, ladies! Now it's my turn to give away my awesome gifts." Ava grinned and stretched her hands forward. Tyler's mouth turned into a wicked smile. He took a wrapped box and turned to Ava only instead of giving it to her he gave it to Micah who was sitting next to her. She pouted but quickly forgot about it when Micah revealed what he had received. My cheeks burned as I realized it was and Micah laughed despite being as red as a tomato.
"I got all of the girls I want, Noah is all wrapped up with that chick Laura, Nick... well, doesn't matter. I couldn't let you be the only one without a girl by your side."
"So, you offered me a... An inflatable doll."
"I knew you'd like it." Taylor laughed, and Micah followed him shaking his head.
"Worst-case scenario you can use it as a punching bag to train, and imagine Tyler's face on it," Nick stated wisely. "Look they even have the same haircut and everything."
"I think I'd rather punch the real thing though."
"Now I'm scared about my gift," Ava whispered to me.
"Fear not Venus! For you, I have the best gift a woman could get. Here," Tyler passed her a small box. Ava opened it to find a rubber duck, she gave Tyler a deadpan look.
"Wow! Thank you so much, this is amazing!" she said in a faked emotional tone.
"Oh, I knew you'd love it, and you haven't seen... or should I say felt the best part." He pressed the duck's head and it started vibrating.
"Oh my God! Tyleeer!" She squealed as she threw the thing at him.
"That's the reaction I was expecting." The guys busted out laughing and then I was the one worrying about what he was going to give me.
I reluctantly opened the soft wrapping. I was filled with relief when I realized what it was: a customized t-shirt saying "I'm an Angel in disguise". That was actually cute from him.
"Ooh, thank you Ty," I said while I put the shirt on, over my sweater.
"Why does she get a normal gift and we don't?" Ava demanded, to which Tyler simply replied with a smirk.
After that, we just mixed it all and started giving away our gifts in no particular order. Nick got a 5x5 Rubik's cube from Noah while Ava got a set of rings from Micah. I gave a drawing notebook to Noah (one of his favorite hobbies and talents) while Micah provided him a pack of drawing markers.
Ava and I decided to open each other's gifts at the same time. We burst into laughter when we realized we had the exact same idea – a set of Korean face mask sheets.
"I taught you well," she said proudly, referring to the hour-long expose she gave me about skincare.
"You did." We hugged each other, gaining an inappropriate remark from Tyler.
While the others were switching presents, I turned to give mine to Nick. For some reason, my heart was racing. It took the beautiful classic black pen from its box and put it back without a word. Then he opened the black journal and read the note I left wishing him a Merry Christmas. He thanked me but looked disappointed.
"I thought you would like it. I mean when we went to your grandma's I saw all of those journals on your shelves and the letters. I thought you liked writing so I thought, you know, a good pen would be good and there's never enough pages."
"You've been through my room?" he asked. Shit, I messed up again.
"No! I mean yes, I went there looking for Tyler. I swear I didn't touch anything! I just saw you had been writing and assumed it was a hobby. I'm sorry, I-"
"You don't need to apologize. I was just surprised that... That you know this about me. Thanks, I really appreciate it." He offered me a warm smile and shifted forward as if he was going to hug me, only he stopped mid-way.
"Here," he said, giving me a small wrapping. "I know you like music so I thought you could use this."
I opened it to find a music gift card. "Thank you. Great timing actually, I've made a list of songs I want." I said, even though I would much rather have a private concert from Nick.
Nick chuckled. "I have a guitar in my room, I can sing for you later if you want." My eyes bulged as my cheeks burned. Did I say that out loud?
F***