Maris changed out of her armor and collapsed into bed. She hadn't fed in a while so sleep was enviable... she hated to sleep. To have seen the things she had, peaceful sleep was never a possibility. Still, she could already feel it taking her. Barbas had gone for a wander, as he often did, leaving Maris alone with her thoughts. This whole business of the beast blood had left her troubled. Where would she go when she died? If she ever even did... would she just be fought over by the gods for the rest of eternity? It was a worrying thought. A thought that carried through to her dreams. It was a dream she had had before when similar thoughts had crossed her mind. She would always be in complete nothingness. On one of her feet was a dragons claw, tugging at her, trying to drag her to sovrngaurd. On the other there was the shadow of Nocturnal, begging her to become part of the ever gloom. Then on her arm, the black hand. The void and Sithis where a truly powerful force and it fought hard for her. Finally there was Hircine. A wolf's paw wrapped around her other arm. All of them were pulling and squabbling and fighting for her cursed soul. She didn't understand how they could want a shriveled, black, unworthy soul such as hers but still they thrashed and yanked and yelled. The screams from the void, the wipers of the ever gloom, the roars of the hunting ground, it haunted her and filled her. It made her sick to the stomach, as if all blood had been drained from her. As if she were truly dead. This was what it was going to be. Just this. Just the fear. The uncertainty. The struggle. Forever... Maris would never admit she was scared but this was the one thing that crippled her. Worse then any other fear. Her own mind was her worst enemy, and she didn't even know what it contained. She couldn't remember half of her life, who knows what she may have done. There was only so much she could price together from the fragments of memory her parents and siblings had given her. Suddenly, she heard something. An inaudible echo from somewhere in the nothingness. It was distant and faint but then it came again, louder this time. Still far too quiet to pierce through the calls and howls.
"Maris!" It came again. Her name?... she could barely hear it but it was there. Her name. But who would be saying her name? It came a final time, breaking through the noise. Suddenly, she was dropped. She fell away from the bindings that had once held her and the real world began to fade back into the nothingness. She could feel the soft silk sheets against her skin and the pressure of the room on her.
She woke with with a start, inhaling deeply and siting bolt uptight. She clutched her chest, her heart beating faster then she thought it possible. Her breathing was shallow and rushed. She felt the scalding tears stream down her face and she wiped them quickly from her eyes.
"Maris..." Came the voice. Maris' attention shot to the side of her bed where Vilkas sat, his had out reached as if he was trying to comfort her.
"Vilkas..." She muttered, though the meekness of her voice shocked them both.
"I heard you from my room... are you alright?" He asked.
Maris looked away arrogantly. "I'm fine!"
She said, though her tone deceived her. "It was nothing."
"No. You can't do that." Vilkas growled. "You can't just tell me that everything is okay. You told me that you cared about me and I care about you just as much. You can't just keep me in the dark, you can't just keep to nags to yourself."
Maris blinked in disbelief for a moment. " It... really was nothing... just a dream. " Maris whispered.
"Then it was clearly a bad one." Vilkas said bluntly.
"I suppose... but... I'm alright..." She muttered.
"Are you sure?" Vilkas asked.
"Yes. "Maris said.
Vilkas let his gaze linger on her for a moment. Though her face portrayed nothing but blank and emotionless mask, her eyes gave her away. He knew that she wouldn't talk to him. She wouldn't talk to anyone. Begrudgingly, he went to stand.
"But!... I... wouldn't mind it... It you were to stay..." Maris muttered.
Vilkas looked back at her. She was looking away, her blue eyes filled with a depth that made her seen broken.
Maris couldn't sleep after that. She just laid, Vilkas' arms tightly around her waist and his head nuzzled into he the back of her neck. Even though the wolf was gone, he still just acted like a big puppy. The relationship irritated her. HE irritated her. So then why did moments like this feel so natural? Why did she feel like she could confide in this stupid mutt? She hated him but she loved him and the confusion of that is what irritated her.
" Why did you never tell me about Alaris?" Vilkas asked.
"We're not exactly the type to get along. Light and Darkness has never gotten along. " Maris said.
"But your sisters..." Vilkas noted.
"What is that suppose to mean? We have that same parents, does that mean we have to love one another." Maris hissed. "It's been the same since we were children, polar opposite."
"That's no reason to hate her." Vilkas shrugged.
"That's not the whole reason." Maris mumbled.
"what is the reason?" Vilkas asked.
"Tell me a out the war paint and ill tell you."
"You snide little... I told you it was nothing!" Vilkas exclaimed.
"Then my reason is also nothing." Maris hissed.
Vilkas sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around Maris' waist, which came a little unexpectedly to Maris. Why was he giving up so early? He really didn't want to tell her about the war paint...
The night had gone on and Villas had fallen asleep, though Maris was still unable, even though she did feel much better now. She turned around in Vilkas' arms which still held firm. She looked up at him. She couldn't get used to him like this, bare of warpaint and actually peaceful... when he was a wolf, there was always this expression on his face, as if the blood of the wolf had prevented him from having rest full nights. Now that was gone and he finally seemed calm. She liked that... She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, breathing in his sent. He always smelt like the forest...