"Your eyes. Your eyes hold everything my soul thirsts for."
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The door swung open behind us, as we turned around to see Taehee, an injection kit in her hands. Her expression was rather lost and unclear. She obviously had something on her mind, her eyes elsewhere as she removed the rubber gloves from the plastic bag in her hand.
I whipped around to face Jaehyun, maybe she came for a dose? I urged him to say something, lightly squeezing his palm. He looked at me for a split second before nodding shortly.
"Dr. Seo," He called her, as her head shot in his direction immediately upon his voice, "Did you see Sunghoon somewhere while coming here?" He asked with uncertainty, quite confused by her fazed and detonated gaze.
She shook her head quickly, bobbing a no, ripping open the injection packet, "He was last at the pharmacy I suppose," She mumbled.
I figured Jaehyun might have to take the dose, so I got up from the stool, "I'll be right back," I nodded at Jaehyun who simply smiled back. He was happy we had sought out stuff between us without much complications. I was glad too, it felt like a large part of my burden was lifted off my shoulders.
With one last glance around the room, I opened the door of the air conditioned ward to take my leave. Stepping outside, I gently closed the door behind me, letting out a ragged breath.
I couldn't believe I let it all out, I settled it all. It felt like a huge part of me wanted to rewind time and stop Jaehyun from even thinking about such a plan, I wanted us to be together until the last, but then a part of me was glad as well. We were leaving behind no regrets, no tangled relationships, no burdens... and too I got to know Sunghoon much better, a much more raw form of his.
But then the real question came, was it all worth it in exchange for Jaehyun's life? Nothing was in his favour, yet he gave his everything to me. For me, so I could lead a happy life without his presence. But what was he getting?
Byun Areum, life was never fair. Not to you, not to anyone else. I sighed, turning around to find Sunghoon's lone figure sitting on the bench in the lobby, his face buried deep in his arms.
I frowned as I made my way to beside him with silent feet, quietly sitting beside him.
"Sunghoon?" I asked, extending my hand forward to lend him a comforting touch. He sighed, looking down at my hand. He gulped, and the next second he had grasped it, bringing the lock to his lips, "What's wrong?" I asked again, watching him pepper my hand with light kisses.
He ran his tongue over his lips, his gaze not meeting mine even once. He looked so tensed, the skin on his forehead creased in a frown.
Releasing a breath, he looked right at me, drawing me in towards his glossy eyes. The icy look in them never failed to amuse me, the untold story in them becoming more intriguing with each glance. If only he would open up..
"What happened in there?" He asked, his voice wavering a little before he bit his lip. He looked as if he would burst into tears any moment, but yet his expression was stoic. I gulped, drowning myself to the fullest in his eyes, until the point I couldn't breath. But I didn't feel suffocated either. There was an unusual calmness and comfort in them.
"I did it, he's free."
We both released a breath we didn't realise was stuck in the deepest pit of our lungs. It felt more unreal now that I said it out aloud, more suffocating. Like those words were a key to clear surroundings, the fog of our dense minds seemingly dying out at a faster rate.
He's free.
I clenched my jaw, looking down at the tile patterns on the floor beneath our feet. A few drops of tears trickled down, soaking the jeans material of my pants. My hand, which was still interlocked with Sunghoon's, was pulled as my torso was engulfed by his muscular hands.
The patience, the tenderness with which he carressed my hair, gently swaying our bodies was at another level, but this time he lacked calmness. I could feel his shoulders shaking against mine, as his cries were muffled by the blankets of my hair. It only drew out more sorrow from me, a temptation to cry out loud starting to gnaw at my brain at a numbing pace.
I was afraid that the muffled sound of my sniffles would only ignite his own emotions, and I didn't want that. It was about time I stayed strong for Sunghoon, and for us, just like I had promised Jaehyun.
I bit my lip, stopping myself from making a bigger mess, as I wrapped both my arms around his torso, rubbing them in comforting motions over the smooth fabric of his shirt.
He needed a release too perhaps. Just because he was a man didn't mean he couldn't cry. He had emotions too, and it was about time he let them out of the bottle. And it was about time I returned my debt and cared for him too. I wanted to become his comfort place too.
"It will be okay," He murmured, to which I quickly nodded, placing a peck on his clothed shoulder, "Everything will be okay," He repeated, hiccoughing between his words as his sobs slowly died out.
"It will be, Sunghoon." I assured, pulling away from him when his grip on my top loosened. I wiped his cheeks lightly with the pad of my thumb, my hand working it's way up to comb his messy black hair out of his face.
He grasped my hand, pecking my fingers lightly, a gesture I noticed he did quite often as a way to communicate his feelings and his emotions. As if he was asking me to hang in there a bit more, that he was there with me.
"I—" He started, clearing his throat when he realised his voice was hoarse, "When I went to get the medicines, I also went to— er— Taehee's office." He said, looking uncertainly at me for a reaction.
No wonder it was taking him a bit too long to come back. I nodded slowly, urging him to continue.
"She said," He sucked in a harsh breath, ruffling his hair back and forth in stress, "The head doctors all discussed it. We need to prepare for anything and everything, Areum. They want us to get some stuff of his, like extra clothes and everything in his reserved ward." He said, licking his lips in the end.
I nodded slowly, pondering upon the matter. They were asking us to be ready for anything now that the symptoms were getting worse than before, "When is the surgery?"
"13th September if everything goes well, or they might have to prepone it too depending upon Jaehyun's symptoms," He sighed, "Half a month to go, right after his birthday." He rubbed his hands together, "I met his parents just now, they asked if I could shift the necessary stuff. By tonight." He looked at me for a response, "Jaehyun insisted we go." He quickly added.
I looked at the other end of the lobby, near the elevator which led to the cafeteria. A sigh left my lips, "I mean I do have the keys to the apartment with me," I said, "Jaehyun must've asked me to tag along so that I can get my necessary stuff out of that apartment as well."
He nodded, getting up, "Also, your mom asked me to let you know that she wanted to have a few words with you," He took a pause, "After your dad returns from his trip that is."
I groaned, "I know exactly what she wants from me," I looked up at Sunghoon, "Can I stay with you, a bit longer? My and Jaehyun's apartment is a big no, now that we're not together any—"
"Sure." He cut me off, "Consider it your house. I don't know what's going on between you and your parents and I'm certainly not planning to intertwine." He slung his hand around my shoulder, as I smiled at him.
"Thank you," I mumbled softly, grateful at his open-hearted nature. I don't even know what I would have done without Sunghoon, and it honestly shocks me how far we've come together.
"Let's go get Jaehyun's stuff?" Sunghoon asked, his hand darting to his pants pocket to feel the car keys inside.
"You're not going to visit Jaehyun?" I asked, looking at him, "And where is his medicines packet?" I pointed at his empty hands.
"I handed it to Mrs. Wu, don't worry. As for Jaehyun, I'm sure he is asleep after taking that dose Taehee told me about."
I tightened my lips, nodding as I let Sunghoon lead the way to the parking lot of the hospital.